We Want A Smoke-free wedding
Jon Boroshok - Poppe Tyson Public Relations
feedback on this, especially if you've ever tried it:
My fiancee and I are getting married in October. We're both nonsmokers. I
take it a few steps further -- I really believe it should be banned in all
public places, even bars.
Anyway, we've decided that smoking is out for our wedding. So far, we plan
to add "thank you for not smoking" to the bottom of the invitation and/or
the directions.
We've also asked the Inn to post nonsmoking signs.
But here's where we get just a bit controversial:
1. We plan to instruct the caterer to use only nonsmokers at our wedding.
We don't want to smell cigarette smoke from the kitchen, and don't want
smoke near our food.
If someone sneaks a drag in the kitchen, I'll smell it, even from out on
the dance floor. Yes, I am that anal and that opposed to smoking.In fact,
I can smell a smoker even though they're not smoking.
I really don't want someone who stinks from stale smoke carrying food to my
guests. And they WILL stink, even if it was just one cigarette in the car
on the way to work.
2. We plan to ask our guests to not smoke at all, not even in the
courtyard outside. Again, it looks disgusting, disrespectful, and above
all, smells awful. Leave your nicotine addiction at home.
Most of our guests do not smoke, so it's not a major issue with them. Do
you think I'm being out-of-line with the wait staff and caterer? After
all, WE ARE PAYING THEM.
This is not meant to be a debate on smokers rights vs banning smoking.
This is our event, and we don't want to smell smoke. If you got past a 3rd
grade education, there's no excuse for being near a cigarette, you know
better. We want to enjoy our day without someone fouling the air or
breathing their "cancer breath" on our food, clothes, and other guests.
Katherine R. Willson
in town and received (at no charge) beautiful cards that fold up like
table tents that say "Thank you for not smoking" in a lovely calligraphy
script. They don't look at all tacky on the reception tables and get
the point across quite clearly to the guests. Just a suggestion - since
the Associations usually have to pay something to get these, a small
donation (even $5 or $10) would be nice to give in return.
Katherine (and David)
12-15-95 and 6-22-96
TJ and Melissa Baxter
it on your invitations would be tacky beyond compare. I wouldn't go quite
that far. The signs at the reception would be enough. Years down the road
you'd look at your invitation and that would be the thing that stood out and
you'd probably say YUCK!
As for the catering staff, write it into your contract with them. Hopefully
you haven't finalized the contract and still can. If you have already signed
one, see if they will allow an addendum. But please be realistic about your
catering staff. Many use temporary help and really have little control over
what that help does.
If you are having a long reception, people will probably smoke. Hate to break
it to you, but even with no smoking signs and stuff, people will go to
restrooms and light up or go outside or to their cars. Whatever it takes.
You're also not going to be able to control what the help does on their way to
the reception. You'd be violating their rights by trying to write that into a
contract! You pay them to perform a service and I'm sure they will do their
best to accomodate you.
Bottom Line: Try and relax about it. I GUARANTEE that unless they smoke in
your face, you'll be too busy to notice or care about it. That's how wedding
receptions are.
Melissa
In article <4j708v$f...@news1.h1.usa.pipeline.com>
KarmelaL
>As to the cater, if he can agree to your terms, than so be it. But, keep
in mind
>what you are requesting is descrimination. He may face a law suit if he
refuses
>to hire smokers, or decides fire an employee based their legal habits.
You are
>paying them, but you don't own them. Requesting them not to smoke in the
>kitchen, or while serving is reasonable.
Just an aside, I don't believe that discriminating against smokers is
against the law. Insurance companies do it all the time (i.e., higher
premiums for smokers than non-smokers). What is against the law is
discrimination against race, origin, gender, disabilities, and religious
beliefs.
Karmela
Basil
: >
: > We don't want to smell cigarette smoke from the kitchen, and don't want
: > smoke near our food.
: >
: > If someone sneaks a drag in the kitchen, I'll smell it, even from out on
: > the dance floor. Yes, I am that anal and that opposed to smoking.In fact,
: > I can smell a smoker even though they're not smoking.
: >
If you have found a caterer that allows people to smoke in the kitchen,
then you need to find another one. Smoking, along with long hair hanging
down are no-nos in any food service business, and if they allowed that,
then you need to find someone else. I won't even comment on the rest, but
just wanted to let you know that part.
Jenn
--
Signature? You expect me to have a signature? My name is changing in just a few short months, I'll have to learn to write my name again before I can have a signature...
GatesGM
considered very tacky. And even if you did, I'm sure most people would
assume that they could go outside and smoke.
As for not letting any of your guests smoke. . . it's one thing to
not have them smoking indoors. I doubt most places would allow that anyway
(there are a lot of restrictions on smoking in public places out here in
CA). My Uncle is a smoker and always goes outside without asking-- I think
it's the polite thing to do. But it is going too far to tell them they
can't even go outside and smoke.
As a gracious host, your job is to remember the comfort of your
guests over your own. Besides, you will be inside and they won't even be
smoking near you. You want your guests to remember "John's lovely
wedding," not "the wedding where that Nazi John wouldn't even let us smoke
outside."
Whether you think smoking is bad or not, it's not your job to
legislate the morality of your guests and I think they would be pretty
offended. I can see why so many bridal consultants use the term
"Bridezilla" to synopsize the feeling of "It's my wedding and I want
everything MY way." Although this is true, and it's your decision whether
to do it or not, keep in mind that you will probably be putting off a lot
of your guests, and be remembered as a rather ungracious host.
And if smokers I know are any judge, they'll probably just sneak off
somewhere and do it anyway! :)
Gaelen (& Stacy)
**July 12, 1996**
**in beautiful malibu, ca**
Ron Frank
My fiancee and I are getting married in October. We're both nonsmokers. I
take it a few steps further -- I really believe it should be banned in all
public places, even bars.
Anyway, we've decided that smoking is out for our wedding. So far, we plan
to add "thank you for not smoking" to the bottom of the invitation and/or
the directions.
We've also asked the Inn to post nonsmoking signs.
But here's where we get just a bit controversial:
We don't want to smell cigarette smoke from the kitchen, and don't want
smoke near our food.
If someone sneaks a drag in the kitchen, I'll smell it, even from out on
the dance floor. Yes, I am that anal and that opposed to smoking.In fact,
I can smell a smoker even though they're not smoking.
guests. And they WILL stink, even if it was just one cigarette in the car
on the way to work.
2. We plan to ask our guests to not smoke at all, not even in the
courtyard outside. Again, it looks disgusting, disrespectful, and above
all, smells awful. Leave your nicotine addiction at home.
Most of our guests do not smoke, so it's not a major issue with them. Do
you think I'm being out-of-line with the wait staff and caterer? After
all, WE ARE PAYING THEM.
This is not meant to be a debate on smokers rights vs banning smoking.
This is our event, and we don't want to smell smoke. If you got past a 3rd
grade education, there's no excuse for being near a cigarette, you know
better. We want to enjoy our day without someone fouling the air or
breathing their "cancer breath" on our food, clothes, and other guests.
*********
I'm a non-smoker, but a couple of comments. You ask not to be flamed, but then
use terms like "cancer breath" and suggesting that smokers have the equilvant of
a third grade education. Is that necessary??
Also bars, are not public places, but rather privately owned businesses. This
type of regulation is another form of sensorship like seen with CDA. If a
bar owner wants to limit his clients, that that is his decision, not Big
Brother.
As to the cater, if he can agree to your terms, than so be it. But, keep in mind
what you are requesting is descrimination. He may face a law suit if he refuses
to hire smokers, or decides fire an employee based their legal habits. You are
paying them, but you don't own them. Requesting them not to smoke in the kitchen,
or while serving is reasonable.
I think your going a bit overboard in requesting both guests, and workers not to
smoke outside your reception. Also, I'm assuming the hotel you've rented is not
exclusively yours for the evening. You will have no control over other events at
the hotel, or hotel guests.
I do not like smoking either, but many feel that smoking is their 'right', and I
have to agree. This is America, not Red China.
--
Ron Frank
Mirror Image Photography
Conifer, CO (303) 838-3099
ron....@consumer.mci.com
Lisa Hixson
>against the law. Insurance companies do it all the time (i.e., higher
>premiums for smokers than non-smokers). What is against the law is
>discrimination against race, origin, gender, disabilities, and
religious
>beliefs.
>
>Karmela
What insurance companies do is a little different. Smokers are generally
less healthy and more of a risk. It's the same with people who have bad
driving records - - they will have higher car insurance premiums (as it
should be).
Insurance premiums also vary with age, gender and sometimes disability.
Lisa
Ron Frank
> Just an aside, I don't believe that discriminating against smokers is
> against the law. Insurance companies do it all the time (i.e., higher
> premiums for smokers than non-smokers). What is against the law is
> discrimination against race, origin, gender, disabilities, and religious
> beliefs.
>
> Karmela
You may be right, I'm not a lawyer, but insurance companies are not refusing to
insure smokers, they just charge them more. I believe if an employeer refused to
hire a smoker, and stated that as the reason, some lawyer would be happy to sue.
I'm sure the scumbag at esq...@primenet.com would be happy to file the motion.
Barbara
>>
>> Just an aside, I don't believe that discriminating against smokers is
>> against the law. Insurance companies do it all the time (i.e., higher
>> premiums for smokers than non-smokers). What is against the law is
>> discrimination against race, origin, gender, disabilities, and religious
>> beliefs.
>>
>> Karmela
>
>You may be right, I'm not a lawyer, but insurance companies are not refusing to
>insure smokers, they just charge them more. I believe if an employeer refused to
>hire a smoker, and stated that as the reason, some lawyer would be happy to sue.
>
>I'm sure the scumbag at esq...@primenet.com would be happy to file the motion.
>--
In reality, there are precious FEW reasons on which you are not permitted
to discriminate (race, religion, national origin, sex -- I think I got
them all there. And even those are limited, such as when there is a
bona fide occupational requirement (e.g., *Hooters* - yech - claims that
its a BFOQ to hire women with large chests, no men)) There may be some
state law issues here, but my bet would be that you would win if you
would refuse to hire smokers. One thing you definitely CAN do is declare
that your workplace is a smoke free environment.
I am not a fanatic, but we did it the easy way -- we were married, and
had the reception, in a smoke-free place. Now, if one of the waiters
smoked on the way there, or went out on a break, I don't know. In fact,
I wouldn't place bets that my mom and the best man weren't out front with
a cigarette themselves. You can try to control those things in advance,
I suppose, but if you spend your wedding day trying to sniff out the
waiters, and checking the kitchen, you're not going to spend it enjoying
yourself.
Barbara
A Riba
'cyb...@usa.pipeline.com(Jon Boroshok - Poppe Tyson Public Relations)'
wrote:
>ther than getting "flamed" (no pun intended) by smokers, I'd like some
>feedback on this, especially if you've ever tried it:
>
I am very allergic to smoke to the point that it gives me asthama attacks
and I will be ill for several days. I do not think it would be proper to
say anything on the invitation, however I think it would be proper to say
something on directions or other follow up mailings to people who plan to
attend. I might just say, the Inn does not allow smoking in the reception
room. I think you may have a real hard time having the Inn make both the
inside and outside smoke free, especially if there are other events at the
Inn, but you can try. You may be out of line with the wait staff and
caterer requesting only non smokers, you may have to settle for no smoking
on the premises. Good luck and let me know how it works out.
>
--
Abby Riba
Abby Designs
Custom Dressmaker
PACC Member-at-Large National Board Representative
Clearwater, FL
Ron Frank
> to discriminate (race, religion, national origin, sex -- I think I got
> them all there. And even those are limited, such as when there is a
> bona fide occupational requirement (e.g., *Hooters* - yech - claims that
> its a BFOQ to hire women with large chests, no men)) There may be some
> state law issues here, but my bet would be that you would win if you
> would refuse to hire smokers. One thing you definitely CAN do is declare
> that your workplace is a smoke free environment.
our tax $$$) and are currently in court over their hiring practices. I am not a
big hotters fan, but I can think of a few better uses for our tax dollars.
Deirdre Shaw
someone else wrote:
>> In reality, there are precious FEW reasons on which you are not permitted
>> to discriminate (race, religion, national origin, sex -- I think I got
>> them all there. And even those are limited, such as when there is a
>> bona fide occupational requirement (e.g., *Hooters* - yech - claims that
>> its a BFOQ to hire women with large chests, no men)) There may be some
>> state law issues here, but my bet would be that you would win if you
>> would refuse to hire smokers. One thing you definitely CAN do is declare
>> that your workplace is a smoke free environment.
>> A complete departure, but Hooters has been under a four year investigation (using
>our tax $$$) and are currently in court over their hiring practices. I am not a
>big hotters fan, but I can think of a few better uses for our tax dollars.
>
Deirdre and David 8/9/96
Gina M. Guarino
> legislate the morality of your guests and I think they would be pretty
> offended. I can see why so many bridal consultants use the term
> "Bridezilla" to synopsize the feeling of "It's my wedding and I want
> everything MY way." Although this is true, and it's your decision whether
> to do it or not, keep in mind that you will probably be putting off a lot
> of your guests, and be remembered as a rather ungracious host.
> And if smokers I know are any judge, they'll probably just sneak off
> somewhere and do it anyway! :)
>
i plan to have a smoke fee wedding. I am getting married on july 21, and
people are more then welcome to take a step outside!
MY FIANCEE HAS ASTHMA AND I JUST CAN'T STNAD THE SMELL OF THE STUFF!
I HAVE NO PROBLEM ASKING PEOPLE NOT TO SMOKE IN MY RECEPTION HALL...AND
YES, IT IS MY DAY :)
GINA (JULY 21, 96)
Marla Brunker
bent out of shape because some guests (and help) go *elsewhere* for
a smoke?
I think smoking is just about the filthiest personal habit there
is, and I think people who do it have something wrong with them...and
even *I* think that the belief that guests ought not be able to go
out for a smoke is graceless and naive , since some of your guests - you
know, those people *you* invited? - WILL go out and have one anyway. You'll
smell it on them? So I guess you'll smell it on them if they had a
cigarette in the car on the drive to the wedding? maybe you should be
able to tell them not to smoke then too? Hell, maybe you should be able
to tell them not to smoke that morning either? God, the power..."I can
totally destroy this gal's wedding day by having a whiff of tobacco on
my person.." Damn tempting.
Maybe you could also tell everyone not to pass any wind at your wedding.
And for favors...how about a little pack of mouthwash, floss and deodorant?
Perhaps the invitations should include a list of banned colognes?
debbiem
My fiance and I are both allergic to smoke and have requested that the
hotel inform our guests that it is a smoke-free reception. We are also
putting tent-signs on our tables (courtesy of the American Cancer
Society) that say "thank you for not smoking". Our disc jockey/MC
will also be making an announcement.
It is "our" day and we feel it is our choice. If our guests want to
smoke they can go to the hotel bar or outside.
Debbie & Larry
6-8-96
Lynda J. Medic
I won't ask people not to go outside and smoke. No, smoking will not be
welcome in our hall, but smoking is too much of a physical addiction for me to
ask people not to do so outdoors. Of course I would prefer that they did not,
but I'm not going to order them around. As far as servers, if they are on
break, I have no control over what they are doing. In the kitchen, smoking
would not be tolerated by law.
In article <Pine.SOL.3.92.960402...@planetx.bloomu.edu> "Gina
M. Guarino" <gmg...@planetx.bloomu.edu> writes:>Subject: Re: We Want A
Smoke-free wedding>From: "Gina M. Guarino" <gmg...@planetx.bloomu.edu>
>Date: Tue, 2 Apr 1996 20:51:52 -0500
Kris Jachens
: NN> Whether you think smoking is bad or not, it's not your job to
: > legislate the morality of your guests and I think they would be pretty
: > offended. I can see why so many bridal consultants use the term
: > "Bridezilla" to synopsize the feeling of "It's my wedding and I want
: > everything MY way." Although this is true, and it's your decision whether
: > to do it or not, keep in mind that you will probably be putting off a lot
: > of your guests, and be remembered as a rather ungracious host.
: > And if smokers I know are any judge, they'll probably just sneak off
: > somewhere and do it anyway! :)
:
: i plan to have a smoke fee wedding. I am getting married on july 21, and
: people are more then welcome to take a step outside!
: MY FIANCEE HAS ASTHMA AND I JUST CAN'T STNAD THE SMELL OF THE STUFF!
: I HAVE NO PROBLEM ASKING PEOPLE NOT TO SMOKE IN MY RECEPTION HALL...AND
: YES, IT IS MY DAY :)
Exactly. They can go outside. The original poster said something about
letting the guests know that he would have a conniption fit if they even
went outside to smoke. He then went on to say that anyone who smokes is
uneducated and a bunch of other insulting things. All this was after
saying that they were inviting some smoking friends to their wedding.
I'm sure his friends would be thrilled to know that he considers them
repulsive and uneducated.
Kris
Marla Brunker
>Most of our guests do not smoke, so it's not a major issue with them. Do
>you think I'm being out-of-line with the wait staff and caterer? After
I think smoking is the second filthiest personal habit there is
(after shooting up with a soiled needle) and that anyone who
started smoking *after* the mid-60's (when the Surgeon General's
report came out) is literally too dumb to breathe (which is why
all these Gen-X smokers are a bit depressing). I agree that it
stinks to high heavens and I understand not having smoking at
your reception. I wouldn't either.
But getting bent out of shape because some guests (and help) go
*elsewhere* for a smoke?
They will anyway.
They will. In the absence of a well-planned, well-separated,
well-ventilated designated smoking area, you will quite likely
be treated to, e.g, a haze-filled mens room with nicotine
stains lining the basin and a couple of elderly relatives
puffing away like high-school boys. Your decision, but
don't say you weren't warned.
You want to have a tizzy over it? That's really how you want to
spend your wedding day? Making yourself crazy, and making
otherwise dignified adults feel like weasels?
(Even hospitals, if pressed to the wall, will frequently admit
to some informal facilities, whispering to the
tobacco-enthralled patient something like "...fifth floor
restroom next to the window is where the staff goes." )
You'll smell it on them? So I guess you'll smell it on them if
forbidding guests to smoke on the way over part of your nuptual
jurisdiction? Sheesh, the power you give these folks...."I can
totally destroy this couple's big day by having a whiff of tobacco
on my person." Damn tempting.
What's your policy on guests' breaking wind?
Look - make your wants known (I gather you already have). Then -
other than having the help ask people not to light up (if they
do) - forget about it. Don't sniff the guests, don't
nickel-and-dime the caterer. If someone appear to be doing
something you can't quite make out on the far side of the
courtyard, do not flounce over like a junior-high-school hall
monitor to give 'em what-for. If people are trying hard to be
discreet about their habits, let 'em.
Instead, try to have a great time.