Is anybody keeping their name or hyphenating?
Douglas Jackson
In our last episode of [alt.wedding], Dawn Precour wrote:
> Hi everyone,
> I am keeping my name. I do not believe in hyphenating. My thoughts are
> that it is my name, I have not borrowed it until I marry. We are
> sharing our lives together, but, we are still separate in our union. I
> often see in wedding announcements, under the picture it will say
> (example) Mrs. Thomas Main, formerly Dawn Precour. As if your idenity is
> totally gone. Please understand that this is right for me, I respect
> others choices and beleive fully that we all need to do what is right
> for us at the time.
> Dawn (&Thomas Dec. 28, 1996)
I always thought I would keep my name and hyphenate, but that has
decidedly become a no option plan. 1. My brother will carry on the family
name so that's ok in that vein, 2. It just doesn't work. Maybe if Doug's
last name was anything but what it is, but Jennie Johnson-Jackson just
doesn't work for us *grin*
Jennie (and Doug) Aug '97
--
_.-------Commercial e-mail will be read at a cost of AUS$25 each-------.
_ // I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed |
\X/ or numbered! My life is my own. - No.6 to No.2, "The Prisoner" |
`----As always, my university has no idea at all of what I am saying----'
Kimber & Cesar Rodgers
>
> I always thought I would keep my name and hyphenate, but that has
> decidedly become a no option plan. 1. My brother will carry on the family
> name so that's ok in that vein, 2. It just doesn't work. Maybe if Doug's
> last name was anything but what it is, but Jennie Johnson-Jackson just
> doesn't work for us *grin*
>
> Jennie (and Doug) Aug '97
> --
> _.-------Commercial e-mail will be read at a cost of AUS$25 each-------.
> _ // I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed |
> \X/ or numbered! My life is my own. - No.6 to No.2, "The Prisoner" |
> `----As always, my university has no idea at all of what I am saying----'
So what are you planning to do? There are lots of other options too.
Like creating a new name from pieces of your names or choosing a name in
one of your families, an ancestor or another name that has died out or
about to or means something to you. Or you could always jsut keep your
own name, just like it is.
My husband and I took my mother's maiden name. We liked the way it
sounded with our names, it gave us the same name, a family name. Yet at
the same time, we didn't feel as though we were giving up our
"identities." We both changed our names to make a commitment to being a
family..by both changing them I don't feel that one person's identity is
subsumed under the other's. It was also a good choice for us as well, as
our parents are divorced and neither of us are particularly close to our
fathers, nor were we particularly thrilled to have our fathers' last
names.
By the way, are you from Australia? I ask because my husband is from Melbourne.
Kimber
FreshArt
Hello!
I'm very confused as to what I'm going to do. I always thought I'd keep my
own name after I was married but now that I'm really GETTING married I'm
considering changing it (hyphenating isn't really an option for me either
-- it's like the Johnson-Jackson thing, only it's Williams-Wagner). My
fiance isn't in a position professionally to change his name (though he
offered to do so, bless his heart) and he says that he'd actually prefer
that I keep mine but that of course he'll support whatever decision I make.
I'm not (yet) in a professional position to suffer from a name change, and
I like the idea of our future family all having the same name, but I also
agree that I haven't "borrowed" my own family name and that my identity
shouldn't soley be tied to that of the man I marry. Besides, I like my
name as it is already. The most attractive option I've encountered so far
is taking one another's names as additional middle names. I still have
over half a year to decide but we've been engaged for a year already and
I'm no closer to a decision now than I was then. I'd appreciate hearing
other people's experience with this since it's never been a problem that my
family or friends have encountered.....
thanks,
Allison Williams (Allison Wagner? Allison Wagner Williams? AAAAARRGH!)
(& David)
July 6, 1997
Michelle C. Miller
On 17 Nov 1996 19:51:21 GMT, "FreshArt" <fres...@cadvision.com>
wrote:
>Hello!
>
>(snip) I'd appreciate hearing
>other people's experience with this since it's never been a problem that my
>family or friends have encountered.....
>
>thanks,
>
>Allison Williams (Allison Wagner? Allison Wagner Williams? AAAAARRGH!)
>(& David)
>July 6, 1997
>
>
Your fiance sounds like mine. He also is supportive of whatever I
finally choose about my name. I have almost decided that I will keep
all three of my names (first, middle, last), and add his last name
also. I won't be Michelle Miller, nor Michelle Shutt, but Michelle C.
Miller Shutt. Kind of a mouthful, I know, but the best I've come up[
with so far. As for your situation, IMHO, Allison Wagner Williams
(without the actual hyphen) sounds neat. It sort of rolls off the
tongue. And you'd still using both names.
Douglas Jackson
> Kimber
Well we could combine our names and make it into something that is a mix
of johnson and jackson, but the 'son' part is already the same so I don't
see how that will work...it's ok though, i like his last name and have no
problem. I mean at least my initials won't change.
No I am not aussie, I come from Canada. Doug and I met over the internet
and i decided to come over here after i graduated from uni to meet him.
We hit it off instantly (we knew about ten min after meeting each other we
would get married and he proposed on our 6 month anniversary of being
together in aus). Doug is from Melbourne, born and raised though. If you
guys make it back here we'll have to get in touch.
Jennie (and DOug) Aug '97
PS: pllease excuse any spelling errors or lack of proper capitalizatin, i
just worked a 16 hour shift and am not really with it, plus i have to get
up again in 5 hours to get ready for a 9 am shift so I am saying goodnight
*SNORE*)
Janet Tunney
If you're afraid of "losing" a name, and you're not afraid of saddling
your child with a name that no one has ever heard of, you may be able to turn
a maiden name into a first name.
My fiance's parents did that to him - his name (Bolton) is his grandmother's
maiden name, and his father's middle name. I like his name, although it has to
be repeated when he's introduced, and he makes himself crazy everytime he sees
one of those "personalized" items racks in gift shops, because they never have
his name.
Janet (& Bolton, 2/1/97)
**taking his last name, moving my last name to my middle name.
The Jewish Princess
This has been something Ive been thinking about for a while now.. There
is only one cousin who will carry on my father's name and Ive always
felt that that wasnt enough..
Not to mention that I am a keen Genealogist and would like my children
to know their mother's name..
so how does this sound:
Marianna Kleytman-Hill?
or
Marianna Kleytman Hill
personally I like the hyphen, and I think the names sorta go together ;)
what do you think?
Mari (& Tony)
23.8.98
--
Marianna Kleytman
University of Wollongong
mk...@wumpus.its.uow.edu.au
cha...@rabble.cs.uow.edu.au
http://www.actlab.utexas.edu/~charis
juli...@aol.com
I have kept my name and added my husband's, but I did not
hyphenate it. The reason? First, I don't feel like I am a hyphenated
individual, and second, I don't really like the way it looks! I admit, it
is a little unwieldy (Juliet Ugarte Hopkins), it is a bear for people to
enter it into computer programs (like at the doctor's office, etc.), and I
always have to repeat myself when giving my name, but I think those are
silly reasons not to keep both. I've only had it for a year, but it can't
be all that bad...look at Hillary Rodham Clinton!
Jenny Garrison
I haven't made a final decision yet, but I think I'm going to keep ALL
of my names, including my middle one, so I'll just have four. I feel
no need or desire to get rid of one of the names my parents gave me.
Jenny
per...@ere.umontreal.ca
imagne how much fun that was for me- I got divorced in the states and kept
his last name cuz I liked it better. I came here and they all wanted my
anme and I am ike "wendey malone" and then they see my birth certificate
and can't figure out why a single woman would ahve a different last name.
after trying to explain repeatedly that "wendey heitmann" does not
technically exist anymore I said hell with it and did it their way. Now I
am rather glad about it, especially since I found out I couldn't ahve my
new husband's name... something about using my ex's name while married to
another guy... yuck.
-wendey (in montreal too!)
11/23/96
In article <warlunds-061...@advance-28-44.concordia.ca>,
warl...@coral.concordia.ca (Sarah Hamilton Warlund) wrote:
> According to the law in Quebec we have to keep our maiden name. If we want
> to change our name to the husband's name or a hyphenated version, we have
> to go through all the legal proceedings (and money) to change our name.
> Some people informally change their name but still have to use their
> maiden name for health insurance (government paid) and all other
> government stuff.
>
> However, the children can have any combination of the parents name:
> father's only, mothe'rs only, mother's-father's, father's-mother's. The
> only restriction is that the name cannot have more than one hypen. So it's
> good for this generation, but the next generation? Who knows.
>
> Sarah in Montreal
>
> In article <19961206004...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
> juli...@aol.com wrote:
>
> > I have kept my name and added my husband's, but I did not
> > hyphenate it. The reason? First, I don't feel like I am a hyphenated
> > individual, and second, I don't really like the way it looks! I admit, it
> > is a little unwieldy (Juliet Ugarte Hopkins), it is a bear for people to
> > enter it into computer programs (like at the doctor's office, etc.), and I
> > always have to repeat myself when giving my name, but I think those are
> > silly reasons not to keep both. I've only had it for a year, but it can't
> > be all that bad...look at Hillary Rodham Clinton!
>
> --
> ************************
> Sarah Hamilton Warlund
> warl...@coral.concordia.ca
Kimber & Cesar Rodgers
In article <warlunds-061...@advance-28-44.concordia.ca>,
warl...@coral.concordia.ca (Sarah Hamilton Warlund) wrote:
> According to the law in Quebec we have to keep our maiden name. If we want
> to change our name to the husband's name or a hyphenated version, we have
> to go through all the legal proceedings (and money) to change our name.
> Some people informally change their name but still have to use their
> maiden name for health insurance (government paid) and all other
> government stuff.
>
> However, the children can have any combination of the parents name:
> father's only, mothe'rs only, mother's-father's, father's-mother's. The
> only restriction is that the name cannot have more than one hypen. So it's
> good for this generation, but the next generation? Who knows.
>
> Sarah in Montreal
>
What if the parents want to give the children a combined name, made up of
both their names? Is this legal?
Just curious
Kimber
Sarah Hamilton Warlund
According to the law in Quebec we have to keep our maiden name. If we want
to change our name to the husband's name or a hyphenated version, we have
to go through all the legal proceedings (and money) to change our name.
Some people informally change their name but still have to use their
maiden name for health insurance (government paid) and all other
government stuff.
However, the children can have any combination of the parents name:
father's only, mothe'rs only, mother's-father's, father's-mother's. The
only restriction is that the name cannot have more than one hypen. So it's
good for this generation, but the next generation? Who knows.
Sarah in Montreal
In article <19961206004...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
fastrada
i'll be keeping my name. mostly because my last name is long and polish
and cannot possibly sound good hyphenated.
my ex wanted me to hyphenate my name with his, but his name was long and
east european as well, which would have given me more consonants than
any one human being should have.
i'm still so surprised that people my age (25) are shocked that i'm
not changing my name. don't see what the big deal is, really.
per...@ere.umontreal.ca
in answer to your question kimber, sort of. you just can only have a
maximum of *two* last names. they don't care what combo or who's last
name it is (I think it has to somehow be derived from the parents though)
as long as there are no more than two last names.
-wendey
In article <moose-06129...@aragorn181.nuts.nwu.edu>,
mo...@merle.acns.nwu.edu (Kimber & Cesar Rodgers) wrote:
> In article <warlunds-061...@advance-28-44.concordia.ca>,
> warl...@coral.concordia.ca (Sarah Hamilton Warlund) wrote:
>
> > According to the law in Quebec we have to keep our maiden name. If we want
> > to change our name to the husband's name or a hyphenated version, we have
> > to go through all the legal proceedings (and money) to change our name.
> > Some people informally change their name but still have to use their
> > maiden name for health insurance (government paid) and all other
> > government stuff.
> >
> > However, the children can have any combination of the parents name:
> > father's only, mothe'rs only, mother's-father's, father's-mother's. The
> > only restriction is that the name cannot have more than one hypen. So it's
> > good for this generation, but the next generation? Who knows.
> >
> > Sarah in Montreal
> >
Jennifer Dockstader
fastrada wrote:
> i'm still so surprised that people my age (25) are shocked that i'm
> not changing my name. don't see what the big deal is, really.
In contrast, I'm getting LOTS of shocked responses when people find out
(my age AND older -- I'm 23) that I'm changing my name to his. What can
I say -- I've always dreamed of having a last name that I didn't have to
spell or pronounce several times EVERY time I give it to someone (even
the contract for the purchase of my wedding gown has it horrible
misspelled!). My last name is Dockstader (Dock-stay-der), and his is
Morgan. I think it's perfect. And I'm not going to do the
Dockstader-Morgan thing, either, which everybody jokes about. Heck, my
last name alone doesn't even fit for Publishers' Clearing House!!
Anyway, I'm finding it sort of amusing that everyone is really
surprised that I'm changing it. Since when did it become out of the
ordinary to do the traditional thing? (the answer is probably since I
went to school at the flaming liberal institution of UC Berkeley and
managed to surround myself with liberal friends even in the conservative
stronghold of William and Mary (grad school)) :P
Jennifer (who's been using the name "Morgan" to order pizza, at least,
for going on two years now!) and Dave
5/24/97
Kimber & Cesar Rodgers
In article <19961210031...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
buff...@aol.com wrote:
> I plan to drop my middle name and use my last name as my middle name. As
> in Carolyn Kelly Beauchesne. Hyphenating seems so 80's.
Why does hyphenating seem like an 80s thing? I've never thought of it this way.
Kimber
buff...@aol.com
Gesa Behrens
I'm also doing the traditional thing and am taking my fiance's last name
(Ott) and dropping mine (Behrens), partly for the same reasons that
Jennifer mentioned. Our families seem in no way surprised and probably
expected that, but my colleagues at work (R&D Center) find that hard to
believe! I guess it all depends on your background...
Gesa (who will still have the trouble of spelling her first name for
EVERYONE she gives it to!)
Kirsten Carlson
Jennifer Dockstader wrote:
>
> fastrada wrote:
>
> > i'm still so surprised that people my age (25) are shocked that i'm
> > not changing my name. don't see what the big deal is, really.
>
> In contrast, I'm getting LOTS of shocked responses when people find out
> (my age AND older -- I'm 23) that I'm changing my name to his. What can
> I say -- I've always dreamed of having a last name that I didn't have to
>
I have resisted adding my two cents in this thread for quite a while,
but I am in a mood today.
While I was in college, I decided to change my name legally from Knoll
to Knoll-Carlson; joining my last name (my father) and my step
father's. For 7 years I went by this name. When I started a new job,
they had my desk set up as Carlson. I decided, great, no hyphen to deal
with, so I used the hyphenated name as my legal name and the trancated
name on business cards and the like. What a nightmare. Due to
corporate databases, no one can find me in the office phone book because
they do not know my legal name. But I had gotten tired of using such a
long name after only a few years.
I am usually not a very traditional person, but I am planning on taking
Joe's name because I believe that when you have children, it is nice to
have a name all family members have. I love my middle name, so I am
keeping that and loosing the complicated last name. I always hated
growing up that my "parents" name was different from mine and all the
questions I had to explain.
This is why I am changing my name. Prior to our engagement, I kept
telling Joe he needed to marry me so I could get a short last name.
Kirsten (& Joe)
Jan. 4, 1997
Cathy Byland
buff...@aol.com wrote:
: I plan to drop my middle name and use my last name as my middle name. As
: in Carolyn Kelly Beauchesne. Hyphenating seems so 80's.
I plan on either keeping all my names and merely adding his name to the
end (Catherine Elizabeth Byland Weeks) or dropping my current middle name
and using my last name as a middle name. Either way, I'll go by Cathy
Weeks.
Cathy
Amy M. Looks Twice
I'm keeping my last name when I get married, after years of saying "No,
it's not a joke" or"Yes, it is really my last name.." I don't see how I
can really have another. Besides, his last name is Castruita and I still
don't think I pronouce it as well as he :)
Amy
Julie Ann Reese
I'm combining my first and middle names, using my
father's name as my middle name and taking Ryan's
name as my last name . . .
Julie Ann Reese
to
Julianne Reese Bookser
Julie
12/27 (15 more days!)
Irene Antonenko
In article <58kk8a$1k...@news.missouri.edu>, ccc...@black.missouri.edu
(Cathy Byland) wrote:
> I plan on either keeping all my names and merely adding his name to the
> end (Catherine Elizabeth Byland Weeks) or dropping my current middle name
> and using my last name as a middle name. Either way, I'll go by Cathy
> Weeks.
I really don't mean to be rude, but I fail to understand how transfering
from being "Cathy Byland" to "Cathy Weeks" constitutes "keeping your name"
(nothing personal Cathy, just needed an example :). I am not opposed to
people changing their names after marriage, I just don't understand why so
many people firmly believe they are "keeping their name" when they do this.
In deciding to "go by Cathy Weeks" you are most definitely *not* keeping
your name, since the Byland is no longer there on a daily basis. If that
isn't changing your name, then I don't know what is.
I really don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying to understand this
phenomenon. I have never experienced it anywhere except on this newsgroup,
and I was hoping someone could explain this to me.
iant (& jawno) Aug 6, 1995
Erin Strathmann
Irene Antonenko wrote:
> > "But using your maiden name as a middle name isn't
> >keeping your name! .... I really don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying
> > to understand this phenomenon. I have never experienced it anywhere
> > except on this newsgroup, and I was hoping someone could explain this to me.
To which Dorothea Rovner responded:
> Well, I can try, although you seem rather hostile. FWIW, my mother
> did this, and I plan to do it also (not least because my middle name is
> pretty silly) <Snip of more reasons why Dorothea chose to do this>.
> > I hope this is a start toward understanding and tolerance.
>
LOL! Uh, Dorothea, just another perspective ... from my desk *you* seem a teensy
bit defensive about this subject, not Irene! She expressed an opinion you may
not agree with, but I'm pretty amused you found her "hostile" when she also
prefaced that opinion with a "flame disclaimer" and then invited people to
explain their point of view on the subject.
Right back at you with your own words when I say that I hope THIS is a start
toward understanding and tolerance :)
--Erin (Who happened to keep her name for business and sentimental reasons, but
personally doesn't have any agendas -- personal or political -- that make her
care about what the rest of the female population chooses to do when they get
married.)
Christi Brogan
(following post re: "keeping one's name")
Hi Iant,
Well, I know for myself there was a specific reason I "kept" my maiden
name after marrying. My "official" name is Christiana Lynn Calvert
Brogan. I use the name Christi Calvert Brogan on all official
documents and on any correspondence relating to the reason for keeping
it, that is, genealogy. I am a geneologist and therefore it was very
important to me to keep my family name, which dies out with me. In
fact our children will have the choice of which name they prefer when
they are old enough to decide. But people call me Mrs. Brogan because
it is easier than Mrs. Calvert Brogan, and because some just don't
know that Calvert is my maiden name, not my middle name. So, while I
am keeping my maiden name and use it often, I also respond to my
husband's name.
Just my $.05 (inflation you know)
Christi Calvert Brogan
"Conjugal Creations"
Wedding Designer
San Antonio, Texas
Ask me about NACEC!
Elizabeth M. Davis
Just a little humor inserted here --
It seems like just about everyone has asked me if I'm "keeping my
name," and (truth to tell) I was getting a little tired of
explaining/justifying/etc., so I've begun responding with "How silly -
of course I'll still be Lisa!!" Most people get the joke, some
don't.
For what it's worth, I am following family tradition - going from
Elizabeth Kenney Davis to Elizabeth Davis Rice.
This works out quite well, since my great-aunt's silver, which Matt &
I will be receiving, is all inscribed "EDR"
Lisa
Dorothea M. Rovner
In article <antonenk-1...@128.148.116.218>,
anto...@pggipl.geo.brown.edu (Irene Antonenko) wrote:
> Okay, great, compromise is wonderful, I am all for it. But I don't see the
> compromise here.
It's different for different people, I expect. For me, it's a
compromise between what I really wish to do, which is discard my maiden
name altogether, and what will cause least difficulty for me with my
family and with society. For others, I imagine it's a conflict between
society's Take His Last Name dictum and the identity they have tied up in
their maiden names.
Is your husband moving his last name to his middle name
> and taking yours as his new last name? Is he at least taking your last name
> as a middle name? If your husband is doing none of these things, then I
> don't see where the compromise is.
The compromise has nothing to do with his decision. It would be as
rude for me to *expect* him to change his name -- for any reason, including
that I'm changing mine -- as it is for him to *expect* me to change mine.
I made my decision on my own, which is as it should be.
Which isn't to say that I disapprove of men who take their wives'
names. Not at all; I think that's pretty darn cool. But no one should
pressure them to do so, just as no one should pressure you or me.
The only person who is compromising is
> you, and what you are compromising is your strong feelings about your name,
> because you will no longer be known by the name which is your identity, but
> by some other name.
*shrug* I chose my name to reflect the identity I wished to project.
Where's problem? I like the idea of having his last name; it doesn't
bother me at all, or I wouldn't take it to begin with.
>
> Respectfully
> iant
>
> P.S. Sorry to Dorthea if she got the impression I was hostile. This medium
> can distort things like that sometimes
Yes, it can, and I apologize for initially misunderstanding you.
Dorothea
--
Dorothea M. Rovner | "Nuestras vidas son los rios
Gradual Student | que van a dar en la mar/qu'es el morir."
dmro...@students.wisc.edu | Jorge Manrique
Irene Antonenko
Wow, it's great to get a dialogue on this subject. Thanks to those who have
responded. I am starting to at least get a better idea of which questions
to ask now.
Dorthea wrote
> If you feel strongly that your name -- all parts of it -- is part of your
> identity, then going the middle-name route can be a perfectly good
> compromise between wanting to keep your maiden name and wanting to take
> your spouse's.
Okay, great, compromise is wonderful, I am all for it. But I don't see the
compromise here. Is your husband moving his last name to his middle name
and taking yours as his new last name? Is he at least taking your last name
as a middle name? If your husband is doing none of these things, then I
don't see where the compromise is. The only person who is compromising is
you, and what you are compromising is your strong feelings about your name,
because you will no longer be known by the name which is your identity, but
by some other name.
Respectfully
iant
P.S. Sorry to Dorthea if she got the impression I was hostile. This medium
can distort things like that sometimes
P.P.S. Thanks to Erin for notincing I didn't mean to be hostile
P.P.P.S. For those who may be wondering, I don't care what people decide to
do with their names. The important thing for me is that people *do* have a
choice and are aware of why they made their particular choice. That is why
this "I'm not changing my name, but adding his on the end" thing confounds
me, because to me it indicates people who are *unaware* of the intricacies
of their choice and I'd love to have them prove me wrong.
In article <dmrovner-ya023180...@news.doit.wisc.edu>,
dmro...@students.wisc.edu (Dorothea M. Rovner) wrote:
> In article <antonenk-1...@128.148.116.218>,
> anto...@pggipl.geo.brown.edu (Irene Antonenko) wrote:
>
> <snip, amounts to "But using your maiden name as a middle name isn't
> keeping your name!">
> >
> > I really don't mean to be rude, I'm just trying to understand this
> > phenomenon. I have never experienced it anywhere except on this newsgroup,
> > and I was hoping someone could explain this to me.
>
> Well, I can try, although you seem rather hostile. FWIW, my mother
> did this, and I plan to do it also (not least because my middle name is
> pretty silly).
>
> Keeping your maiden name as your middle name can make a difference.
> So what if no one else knows? *You* know. If you feel strongly that your
> name -- all parts of it -- is part of your identity, then going the
> middle-name route can be a perfectly good compromise between wanting to
> keep your maiden name and wanting to take your spouse's.
>
> Also, it's not true that a middle name vanishes into the ether. My
> middle initial is on all my checks and official correspondence. I will
> use it as part of my professional name, once I have enough of a career to
> *have* a professional name. And there are some people who go further than
> I do, and use their full three names in these capacities.
>
> I hope this is a start toward understanding and tolerance.
>
> Dorothea *M.* Rovner (who will in May '98 become Dorothea *R.* Salo)
Shelly Nunn
> Here's and idea: Why doesn't he take your last name? Dave Low sounds nice, and
everyone can spell it.
CGLow
Wow, this is a lot more complicated than I thought!
I had never really thought about the whole subject until Dave and I got
serious, but by then I had several diplomas with my name on them and was
already established in my career. And I always LIKED my name (Low), short
and sweet.
Then I met Dave (Snodgrass). I still can't believe how many people still
look at him in shock, 'is that REALLY your name?' or somehow can't spell
or pronounce it.
So I'm planning on keeping mine (although all the guys in my department at
work love calling me Mrs. Snodgrass). The MIL seemed pretty fried about
me NOT taking their *lovely* last name, and I responded with ' Make you a
deal. If I keep my name, we'll let any children we have keep Snodgrass.'
That gave her pause.
But as far as the moving-your-maiden-name-to-the-middle-name-position
dialogue: I NEVER spell out my complete middle name, and I don't know
anyone who does. So it seems to me you'd be keeping your maiden name in
secret. Sort of defeats the point of keeping it.
Chris Low (forever)
PS: If the situation were reversed, and my name was Meehawuskah, I'd
probably change it to anything else in a heartbeat.
Elizabeth M. Davis
Hillary Rodham Clinton?
"Nuff said.
holly...@aol.com
In article <19961223205...@ladder01.news.aol.com>, cg...@aol.com
(CGLow) writes:
> The MIL seemed pretty fried about
>me NOT taking their *lovely* last name, and I responded with ' Make you a
>deal. If I keep my name, we'll let any children we have keep Snodgrass.'
>That gave her pause.
>
>
Not a deal I'd make. (My husband's last name is "Wait." Trust me, we've
heard all the jokes it is possible to make about loitering.) I think a
lot of women forget about the issue of what to name the kids, and end up
feeling like they don't really belong in the family when it turns out
everyone assumes the kids will get Dad's name. Something like 30% of
children in California have a different last name than their mother (I
don't know whether that includes hypenations). Most of those kids have
the same last name as their father. (They didn't name Chelsea "Rodham"
nor even "Rodham-Clinton", did they?) I didn't want to be put in that
position (and neither did my husband) so our compromise was for me to take
his middle name ("McCroskey", which we both like a whole lot better than
"Wait" -- it was his father's mother's maiden name. If his
great-grandparents were getting married now, I bet they'd consider
adopting HER name rather than HIS!) and to give that name to our children
as their last name. (Following this? Holly Ann Lewis becomes Holly Ann
McCroskey Lewis; Kenneth McCroskey Wait doesn't change, but we are often
known as Ken and Holly McCroskey; the kids become Junior Whatever
McCroskey and we'll all eventually be the McCroskeys. But at work and in
other arenas where Ken and I operate primarily as individuals rather than
as a couple, he's still Ken Wait and I'm still Holly Lewis.)
BTW, I wasn't that into the idea of both of us just adopting McCroskey as
our last name because I am philosophically as well as aesthetically
opposed to taking my husband's name. Taking his middle name wasn't really
any better, since I'd still lose my own.
The humorous part of all of this is the MANY variations of our names we've
seen on holiday cards this year. Some people simply don't get it, and
address us as "Mr & Mrs K. Wait" (Shudder. I hate the title "Mrs", too.
I make Ken open those. I don't want to know which of our friends are so
rude.) Or "Mr & Mrs Kenneth McCroskey" which is also shudder-inducing.
But we've also gotten "Holly Lewis and Ken Wait / McCroskey", "Holly Lewis
McCroskey and Ken Wait McCroskey", "the McCroskeys", just plain "Holly and
Ken" (playing it safe!), and even -- from one of Ken's co-workers, "Ken
Wait and Holly McCroskey".
Holly (& Ken, married 8/25/96)
(For those of you who've heard this before, I apologize. I'm just
checking in after four whole months of marriage. A number of our friends
are getting married in the coming year, and I wouldn't want my advice to
get stale!)
Nicole
I spell out my middle name:
Nicole Bogue Hunter
Personal preference, I suppose.
On Tue, 24 Dec 1996, Elizabeth M. Davis
wrote:
Nicole Hunter
Wishing you and yours a happy, stress-free holiday season!
##########################################################
Getting hitched June 21, 1997
Proud co-owner of the Hound of Baxter-ville
MishDrisc
My future wife and I have thought long and hard about both the equality
issues and the emotional- indentity attachments involved naming ourselves.
Neither of us agreed with the idea of extending the power of my last name
to include her identity. Yet hypenating seemed to only be a solution for
one generation; what do our children do if/when they marry?
A friend of mine decided to add the suffix (off- she was Russian) to his
last name to create a new family name for both of them. That gave us the
idea to combine our last name. I am Driscoll and she is Mirzaagha. We
will probably choose from Drismir or Mirdris. Deciding on that is turning
out to be difficult for me as the man, teaching me how much I have really
internalized the values of mainstream sexist attitudes towards marriage.
Our children could, of course, decide how they want to deal with names,
but at least they have one name that's not too long. Yes some
geneological value has disappeared, especially if they in turn also take
half of their last name, but that creative problem- solving I leave in
their hands.
MishDrisc
This is the best question in the list.
I know now that there may be some support for women who do not want to
change their last name to their husband's.
I believe it is a sign of inferiority for women to make changes to their
names or accept to be the only one in the family with a different
lastname. I offered two solutions:either half of the kids will have my
last name, the other half his, or we both change our last names. The
latter makes a lot of sence since we are creating a new family and a new
generation, why not a new last name. We both agreed on changing our last
names to a new one or combine ours and make up a new lastname.
Problem? Almost one thousand dollars different fees for legal name
change(including our degreesl and driving licence etc).
At least I(the woman) am not the only one who has to pay.
Pam & Howard
On 2 Jan 1997 02:23:14 GMT, mish...@aol.com (MishDrisc) wrote:
>My future wife and I have thought long and hard about both the equality
>issues and the emotional- indentity attachments involved naming ourselves.
> Neither of us agreed with the idea of extending the power of my last name
>to include her identity. Yet hypenating seemed to only be a solution for
>one generation; what do our children do if/when they marry?
>
My wife took a while to decide this also. For work purposes she has
hypenated her name so that those that knew her before don't get all
that confused. (although Her computer department hates her guts now,
"you just can't go switching names on every account here with a push
of a button" or words to that effect) For all others she accepted my
last name.
Still it has had some strange effects, with companies. Especially very
formal ones like banks, the power company, The Cable company and so
on.
holly...@aol.com
In article <19970102023...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
mish...@aol.com (MishDrisc) writes:
>We both agreed on changing our last
>names to a new one or combine ours and make up a new lastname.
>
>Problem? Almost one thousand dollars different fees for legal name
>change(including our degreesl and driving licence etc).
>
>
Although going through a judicial name change may make it a little easier
to deal with certain bureaucrats, it is NOT NECESSARY!!! At least, in
California, and I believe in most states. It is perfectly legal to change
your name at any time for any reason as long as you are not doing it to
avoid debts or for any criminal purpose. All you have to do is use the
new name consistently.
Having a marriage license can make it easier to persuade bureaucrats to
change your name...even if you're changing it to an entirely new name.
Some states even have a place to fill in your new name on the license.
Research the family law of your state if this will be an issue for you.
And if the clerk at the Motor Vehicle Department balks, quote the
appropriate code section at her.
Holly (& Ken)
8/25/96
Glennia Campbell
I kept my name for professional reasons. I was tempted to change it only
because I used to get a lot of teasing about my name being similar to a
country singer who was popular in the seventies. I was surprised at how
many people are shocked by the fact that I kept my name (my mother
included), but I say, to each her own. We sort of liked the combination
name "Shellencamp", but thought we'd probably have to change our
middlenames to "Cougar" for it to really work ;) So, we both decided to
keep the names our parents gave us.
I don't have a feminist objection to changing names, because as one woman
said, "I'm just trading one man's name for another, so what's the big
deal?" One of my friends suggested signing the marriage certificate with
my name and (Mrs. Frank Schellenberg) underneath. Would have worked
except Texas doesn't require you to sign it!
Glennia (& Frank)
or Mr. & Mrs. Frank Schellenberg
or Mr. & Mrs. Glennia Campbell
Karen M. Archibald
A sign of inferiority??? That's a bold statement.
I believe it is a sign of tradition and respect to our ancestors for a
woman to take her husband's last name when they celebrate the unity of
becoming one.
My brothers and their wives will carry on my parent's last name.
Peter and I will carry on his parent's last name.
My sister will carry on her husband's last name.
And the cycle goes on and on and on and on...
Kelle Roth
MishDrisc <mish...@aol.com> wrote in article
<19970102023...@ladder01.news.aol.com>...
> This is the best question in the list.
> I know now that there may be some support for women who do not want to
> change their last name to their husband's.
>
> I believe it is a sign of inferiority for women to make changes to their
> names or accept to be the only one in the family with a different
> lastname.
I believe it is an honour to take my future husband's last name, not an
"sign of inferiority". - That is your own opinion. Women have done it for
years - it shows respect to your husband and his family. Yes, call me old
fashioned, but that is what I believe.
> I offered two solutions:either half of the kids will have my
> last name, the other half his, or we both change our last names.
Well won't that really mess up the kids. And please tell me how you decide
which kid gets whose last name??
The
> latter makes a lot of sence since we are creating a new family and a new
> generation, why not a new last name. We both agreed on changing our last
> names to a new one or combine ours and make up a new lastname.
>
> Problem? Almost one thousand dollars different fees for legal name
> change(including our degreesl and driving licence etc).
>
> At least I(the woman) am not the only one who has to pay.
I guess if you have thousands to spend on creating a new last name, why
not?
Lisa Burke
M. Bowling wrote:
> In case my husband had extremely strong feeling about having a family
> name, I offered to hyphenate my name if he would also. He declined
> . Changing your name is an immense pain and I wasn't about to go
> through it alone. I am under no more obligation (to my ancestors or
> anyone else!) to change my name than my husband was.
I think that a woman should take her husbands last name, it shows
respect to your husband and his family. Why not! My ancestors all did,
but then again I'm a traditionalist! There is nothing wrong with
changing your name. Women have done it for years. Why hyphenate your
name anyway? You would still have the same paperwork to change either
way. Hyphenating your name or, just taking on his last name alone.
My sister-in-law to be, *not* the traditionalist in the family, took on
her husband's last name. She kept her maiden name, but used it as an
extra middle name.
I won't be changing my name at school however. It was hard enough to
keep my records straight with just one name! My financee understands
this point, seeing that he was my teacher in college! ;-)
My name is Burke (the e is silent) and his name is Berg (hard g). What
if I was to hyphenate my name? Burke-Berg would be pretty funny! Or
better yet, what about combining our names. We both have B's, E's and
R's. What would be left? A U and a K from my name.... Burge, Berk?
There's not alot I can do with my name! Oh well, sounds the same
anyway!
Lisa & Brian (5/17/97)
Dorothea M. Rovner
In article <32CEA3...@first-wave.com>, Lisa Burke <Li...@first-wave.com>
wrote:
> I think that a woman should take her husbands last name, it shows
> respect to your husband and his family.
Keeping one's own name shows disrespect to no one. Changing one's name
when one does not wish to shows disrespect to oneself.
Really, y'all, can we not be so dogmatic about this? Let us rather
rejoice in our choices! (Not to mention pitying the poor men, who have
much *less* socially-acceptable choice in the matter!)
Dorothea
(who's changing her name, actually. Surprised?)
just mE.
Karen M. Archibald (Archi...@vms.csd.mu.edu) wrote:
: I believe it is a sign of tradition and respect to our ancestors for a
: woman to take her husband's last name when they celebrate the unity of
: becoming one.
: My brothers and their wives will carry on my parent's last name.
: Peter and I will carry on his parent's last name.
: My sister will carry on her husband's last name.
: And the cycle goes on and on and on and on...
This is why I am keeping my name. My father was an only child and I have
no brothers. My sister took her husband's last name so I am the "end of the
line" so to speak. I may add my fiance's last name before my own last
name but he has told me that this is really not necessary.
my father is very excited that I will continue to carry the Edwards name.
Megan and Brent
June 14, 1997
Kim Rollins
"Kelle Roth" <tku...@cris.com> writes
|> I offered two solutions:either half of the kids will have my
|> last name, the other half his, or we both change our last names.
|Well won't that really mess up the kids.
No. I have known many people with divorced parents whose surnames differ from
at least one of their parents' or siblings' names, and they don't seem to have
a higher messed-uppedness rate than the rest of the population. Kids know who
their family is; their mom is Mom and their dad is Dad. The fact that other
people call them Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones doesn't mean much to small children,
and older ones will be mature enough to understand the explanation. What about
this arrangement could possibly lead to damaged children?
--KR
CKattas
I agree. Every person must do what is good for themselves. I don't
believe that if you keep your name or take your husbands name, you are
going to wake up the day after the wedding and be a different person.
By the way, I am taking my maiden name as middle name. My present middle
name has no significance for me. I am happy with this because, for me, it
satisfies all my needs. Hyphanating was not a choice (too much a
mouthful and too confusing for all) and I think changing both names is
stupid, in general (although i will agree there are exceptions)
I think the latinos have the best idea. Everyone, male or female, takes
their fathers last name then their mothers maiden name.
sb...@earthlink.net
CKattas wrote:
>
> snip...
> I think the latinos have the best idea. Everyone, male or female, takes
> their fathers last name then their mothers maiden name.
Oh great now that's a bunch to model yourself after.
Steve
Kelle Roth
Kim:
I think you sniped out half of what I said. I said, first is how are you
going to decide which child gets whose last name. Then I said that will
mess up the kids, NOT damage!! Read the whole thing, and do not skip out
what I said, thank you very much.
Kelle
Michele St. Martin
Your racism has no place on the newsgroup. Get a life.
Lisa Davies
: > I offered two solutions:either half of the kids will have my
: > last name, the other half his, or we both change our last names.
I kept my name when we got married (my husband kept his too - one of those
liberated types!) and am also wondering about the kids. Has anyone actually
put into practice the plan of giving some of the kids his name, some of them
her namer? Has it troubled them, given them difficulties at school etc?
My husband says it is fine with him if they all get his name, or all get my
name, but he is not keen for them to have different names.
Any comments?
Lisa
StephWild
My partner and I hash this one out every now and then - there are so many
issues involved! . The idea we like the most is "inventing" a new name -
from someone who inspires us, or means a lot to us or something and
starting new with our family. However, he is the 'last in the line' so
his family probably wouldn't be that impressed. Also I wonder what will
happen if every family (ie our kids) do that as well - it may be that you
lose a lot of history that way if every generation picks a new name.
I was reading through these posts and wondered about the possibility of
each keeping our own names for legal, and work use (and thus for history
as well) but using another name (like a hypenated name) for everyday use
to show some connection between us.
Still leaves the problem of what to call the kids - probably his name I
would imagine. There are enough in my extended family to keep my side
going for a while yet!
Lucky we still have a year or two to think about this one I think!
Regards
Steph
holly...@aol.com
In article <19970115205...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
step...@aol.com (StephWild) writes:
>I was reading through these posts and wondered about the possibility of
>each keeping our own names for legal, and work use (and thus for history
>as well) but using another name (like a hypenated name) for everyday use
>to show some connection between us.
>
>Still leaves the problem of what to call the kids - probably his name I
>would imagine. There are enough in my extended family to keep my side
>going for a while yet!
>
>
Call the kids by the combined or hyphenated name. After all, the children
are not just his, they're part of the "connection between you"!
(If you choose a new surname, what about giving the kids your groom's
original surname as a middle name? After all, plenty of people do that
with the mother's "maiden" name in order to keep the name in the
geneology.)
BTW, the alternate names for work/family can be a little confusing...
It's working okay for us but some of our friends and relatives just kinda
don't get it. If you can agree on a single surname that combines
syllables of both your current names, for example, life may be simpler.
lking...@aol.com
I've finally conceeded. I am changing my name tomorrow. Boo-hoo. I
never thought I'd have a problem with it, but then about a month before
the wedding, I started having major name-change anxiety about it. Steve
was very upset at first, but he's since mellowed. Actually, now he
doesn't really care if I do it or not. So, I'm going to do it legally,
but use my maiden name at work. Oh yeah, and I'm combining my first and
middle name too. My father passed away recently, and it's really
important to me to keep his name somewhere in there. So I'm going to go
from Lisa Ann King to Lisann King Pitel.
I won't be sleeping tonight...
LKP
lking...@aol.com
Update on the name-change thing...
Well, DMV wouldn't let me delete the space between my first and middle
name, so I didn't do the name change. It looks like I'm going to have to
go through a legal name change to have it the way I want it.
Anyone know how to go about doing this???? I don't even know where to
start.
Lisa
Mike Miller
>>>>> "stephwild" == StephWild <step...@aol.com> writes:
> My partner and I hash this one out every now and then -
> there are so many issues involved! . The idea we like the
> most is "inventing" a new name - from someone who inspires
> us, or means a lot to us or something and starting new with
> our family.
We both like the idea of contracting our names (LeBeck and
Miller) to get something like LeBler or Milbeck. I especially
like the idea of my partner not taking my name (she's tending to
not mind taking it). What are peoples opinions on the merits
of both people using a new name? One worry we have is that it
may cause endless confusion.
Mike
sb...@earthlink.net
A new name? Confusion? Is that what you called it? I call it moronic.
My guess is that you people should never get married. There are enough
problems in this world without your progeny messing it up more.
Steve
Mike Kagan
> We both like the idea of contracting our names (LeBeck and
> Miller) to get something like LeBler or Milbeck. I especially
> like the idea of my partner not taking my name (she's tending to
> not mind taking it). What are peoples opinions on the merits
> of both people using a new name? One worry we have is that it
> may cause endless confusion.
>
Hi,
my fiance and I are thinking of doing something similar to this. I am
keeping my name (Johnston) and he is keeping his name (Kagan). For our
kids, we plan to combine our names (Kagston). We didn't want to hyphenate
because that's very awkward and we're unsure of the problems it would pose
for our kids when they get married.
He has not told his parents of this plan, but I hinted at it to them. They
flipped out. They couldn't understand why I would keep my name, let alone
give our kids a combined name.
At first, I was a little unsure I wanted to do this, but my fiance really
likes the idea. We figure that eventually, sexist traditions have got to
change, and we might as well be pioneers.
--cindy
Janet Tunney
Steph wrote:
>I was reading through these posts and wondered about the possibility of
>each keeping our own names for legal, and work use (and thus for history
>as well) but using another name (like a hypenated name) for everyday use
>to show some connection between us.
I work with people who:
1) Use a married name legally (paychecks, etc.) and a maiden name
professionally (tv producers)
2) Use a married name professionally and a maiden name legally
3) Hyphenate legally but only use the hyphenate occasionally for professional
and personal purposes
4) Use a hyphenate for personal and professional purposes but either a married
name or a maiden name legally
I'm all in favor of choosing the name you want. Please, though, if you use
more than one name or if you hyphenate, please let the HR department where you
work and anyone else who compiles phone and mail lists to cross-list you -
that way if someone calls for Mrs. Jones instead of Ms. Smith-Jones, the
switchboard won't say "I don't have anybody by that name."
Janet (& Bolton, 2/1/97)
Ann Craparo
> put into practice the plan of giving some of the kids his name, some of them
> her namer? Has it troubled them, given them difficulties at school etc?
I think this might be a little tough on the kids, especially at school
where people may "look down" on siblings with different last names. I
kept my name when we got married (and so did he), but the kids will have
his last name, perhaps with my last name as a middle name. I don't
mind,especially since my husband is an only child and I have lots of
siblings to "carry on the family name".
This does not, however, prevent me from saying that our female children
will get MY last name and the males will get HIS last name when I'm in a
mood to antagonize my conservative mother-in-law, which is another story!
;)
Ann