NON-DENOMINATIONAL/NON-RELIGIOUS CEREMONY
[Stephanie Fishkin
After my posting of my wedding, I received many requests to
post my wedding ceremony. Below you will find a copy of
this ceremony. We did not write this ourselves (although
I wish we could say we did), rather, the church we were
married in provided them (they do a lot of interfaith and
non-denominational weddings). They are somewhat altered
from the church's; the blessing at the end actually starts
out with an invocation of God, and the part about the power
invested in me also contained a line about God. Also, the
minister who married us at one point asked the people in
the audience to express their approval by saying "we do"
or "we will" instead of the traditional Who Gives
this Woman Away question. Finally, the church's version
of this ceremony includes at the end that Indian Wedding
poem which seems to be very popular and that has been
posted here often; instead, at our pre-wedding ceremony,
John's father (who officiated over the pre-wedding ceremony)
read a poem which was significant to us (I'd given it to
John on our one month anniversary along with a single red
rose); for those of you interested, it's by a Chinese poet
and is called Married Love (it's in this book called
something like Into the Garden: A Wedding Anthology) (if
you are REALLY interested, I can post this too!).
My eyes got teary just typing the following! Enjoy!
Stephanie Dark
***********************
Dear John and Stephanie, today you are surrounded by your
friends and family, all of whom are gathered to witness your
marriage and to share in the joy of this occasion, which should be
one of the most memorable and happy days of your life.
Life takes on meaning as it becomes composed of many
meaningful events, some of which can be specified and planned
for. One of these events is marriage.
As you know, no minister, no priest, no rabbi, no public official
can marry you. Only you can marry yourselves. By a mutual
commitment to love each other, to work toward creating
an atmosphere of care and consideration and respect, by a
willingness to face the tensions and anxieties that underlie human
life, you can make your wedded life come alive.
On this day that begins your marriage, you stand somewhat apart
from the rest of humanity. You stand within the charmed circle
of your love. But love is not meant to be and cannot be the
possession of one person alone. Rather love should serve as a
source of common energy, as a found from which you find the
strength to live your lives with courage. From this day onward
you must come closer together than ever before; you must love
one another in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, but
at the same time your love should give you the strength to stand
apart so that you may seek out your unique destinies and make
your special contribution to the world.
Today, as you join yourselves in marriage, there is a vast and
unknown future stretching out before you. The possibilities and
potentials of your married life are great; and now falls
upon your shoulders the task of choosing values and making real
the moral dreams that other men and women have engendered and
died for. If your love is vital, it will make the choosing
and the acting clearer for you.
You stand before us today as two mature and thoughtful people,
who wish to express your inner visions and values within the
framework of a meaningful life. For your vision of life
together and for your courage to attempt it, you deserve respect,
and it these attributes which make this a serious but not a solemn
occasion.
I should like at this time to try to speak of some of the things
which many of us here wish for you. First of all, we wish for you
a love that makes both of you better people, that continues to give
you joy and zest for living, that provides you with energy to face
the responsibilities of life.
We wish for you a home--not a place of stone and wood, but an
island of sanity and serenity in a frenzied world. We hope that
this home is not just a place of private joy and retreat, but rather
serves as a temple wherein the values of your life are generated
and upheld. We hope that your home stands as a symbol of
humans living together in love and peace, seeking truth and
demanding social justice. We hope that your home encompasses
the beauty of nature-- that it has within it the elements of
simplicity, exuberance, beauty, silence, color, and a concordance
with the rhythms of life. We wish for you a home with books and
poetry and music, a home with all the things that represent the
highest strivings of men and women.
We wish for you children-- children who will not be mere
reflections of yourselves but who will learn from you your best
traits and who will go forth to recreate the values you shall
have instilled in them. We hope that you will give your children
the freedom to find their own way, that you will stand by them
when they need you and will stand aside when it is time for
them to seek their personal destinies. But we hope you will pass
on to your children the concept of family--not as an obligation, but
as a transcendent force which brings people close in time s
of joy and in times of need.
Finally, we wish that at the end of your lives you will be able to
say these two things to each other: Because you have loved me,
you have given me faith in myself; and because I have
seen good in you, I have received from you faith in humanity.
John, in light of this vision of life together, do wish to take
Stephanie as your wife, that you may live together in the holy
bond of marriage?
{John responds, " I do."}
Stephanie, in light of this vision of life together, do wish to take
John as your husband, that you may live together in the holy bond
of marriage?
{Stephanie responds, " I do."}
"I, John, take you, Stephanie, to be my wife from this time
onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to give
and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond,
and in all of our life together to be loyal to you with all my
being."
"I, Stephanie, take you, John, to be my husband from this time
onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to give
and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond,
and in all of our life together to be loyal to you with all my
being."
John and Stephanie, your rings, being circles, are symbolic of
eternity; and being made of precious metal, are symbolic of pure
love, which has already united your hearts.
{Repeating to each other:} "With this ring, I thee wed, and pledge
my faithful love."
John and Stephanie will now partake of an ancient ritual. As their
first married gesture, the bride and groom light a center candle
that is stronger and more beautiful than their individual candles,
showing to family and friends, and most importantly to
themselves, that from this point forward, they will be guided by
the new light of their marriage.
We ask for your blessings upon this new marriage and upon the
vows of marriage that John and Stephanie have taken here. Make
this day and this passage fruitful to them through an added
devotion, through a new inner strength, and through a new sense
of the sacredness of life. We do not ask that they be kept from all
sorrow and trial, but that they may learn from these and become
stronger because of them. We do not ask that all life be easy and
profitable to them, but that they find life good and worth
celebrating. Make them always quick to forgive, quick to laugh,
quick to enjoy. And especially, grant them the grace to discover
the tremendous delight and joy present in the small things.
Now, according to the statutes of marriage by the state of
California, but most of all by the power of your own love, I
pronounce you husband and wife!
{John and Stephanie kiss.}
Now, let me introduce you to John and Stephanie Dark.
Shawna Rosen
following info. I thought some of you might get some use out of it.
I'm a non-practicing Jew and my fiance is a non-practicing Catholic.
The ceremony is taken from so many different sources, I couldn't begin
to tell you :D I have a spreadsheet that describes the budget of this
wedding, but to save space I'll just give you the total cost: $6000.00
(excluding rehearsal dinner/rings/honeymoon) If anyone wants the
breakdown, I can email or post it.
Overview of Wedding Ideas
INVITATIONS $250
After Six Collection
There will be approximately 110-125 guests. Relatives and close
friends.
regal ecru vellum with single panel; CaslonOpenFace type
Informal notes, printed envelope flap, response cards; calligraphied
addresses?
also send 100 announcements with "Come live with me and be my love" on
cover
send packet of directions/tourist brochures/maps/info to out-of-town
guests
CEREMONY $150
The ceremony will be held on Saturday, June 10, 1995, from 5:00 to 6:00
p.m. in the Summerfield Room of the KU Alumni Center. Wording will
written by us (see below); A presbyterian minister (friend) will
officiate. Bride will walk with both parents. There will be piano,
string bass and woodwinds for the prelude and ceremony music. Guest
book hopefully will be blue cloth floral, or blue leather with gold
tooling. Design programs on the Mac with Shakespearean Sonnet #114 and
"three dancers" clipart on cover.
ATTIRE
Bride: Mori Lee white satin/lace gown and full-length veil.
$800
Bridesmaids: Dessy Creations Fit Ôn Flair in midnight blue faille
taffeta. $250
Bride's Mom: Multi-colored pastel lace jacket with light pink crepe
skirt.
Groom's Mom: TBA
All Men: Dark grey or black tails with vest. Groom in white
tie/vest.
RECEPTION $3000
The reception will be held in the Bruckmiller/McGee/All-American rooms
of the Alumni Center from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. on June 10, 1995. There
will be a jazz trio made up of piano, string bass and woodwinds. The
cake ($400) will be chocolate and spice with sculpted Belgian chocolate
icing, provided by Deanna Roper of Edible Art in Wichita. Food will
consist of carved beef, smoked turkey, fresh rolls & croissants,
deviled eggs, veggies & dip, fresh fruit, wedding cake, red fruit
punch, coffee and champagne.
FLOWERS $500
Flowers will be provided by Bill Nye at The Flower Market. Predominant
colors in bouquets, corsages and boutonnieres will be blue, purple,
pink and white; delphinium, peonies, stephanotis and lots of roses. 4
bridesmaid bouquets, 5 corsages, 7 boutonnieres, 1 huge altar
arrangement that will be moved to reception buffet table, 12 table
decorations, and place card table arrangement.
MUSIC $650
All music will be provided by a piano (Gary Adams), string bass and
woodwinds (Greg Briggs). Maid of honor may play Enya-Watermark on the
piano during the ceremony. Prelude music will include Sunrise, Sunset,
Processional will include Bach-Air from Suite #3, Purcell-Trumpet
Voluntary, and maybe Bach-Jesu, Joy of ManÕs Desiring. Recessional
will be Beethoven-Ode to Joy. Reception music will include It Had to
Be You, I Could Write a Book, LetÕs Call the Whole Thing Off, Recipe
for Making Love, etc.
PHOTOGRAPHY $1000
Photography will be provided by Gene Smith Photography in Olathe. He
will shoot for four hours and will take between 185-200 exposures.
Formal posed pictures will be taken before ceremony. Photos will be
bound in blue Art Leather album with our names and wedding date on the
cover. The album will include ten 10x10s and sixty 5x5s with the
finish of our choice. There will also be a bridal sitting on location
and two 5x7 black and white glossies.
VIDEOGRAPHY $500
Videography will be provided by someone (??). They will cover the
entire wedding, from preparations to the last dance. We should receive
a Super VHS master tape; three copies; wireless mic, editing, titles,
and still photographs set to music of our choice.
TRANSPORTATION $75?
Leave in 1920s Mercedes or similar cool old transport. Groom may be
able find a friend with a souped-up classic hot rod.
HONEYMOON $2000
3 days/3 nights on Norwegian cruise to Nassau, Grand Bahamas; 3 days/4
nights at Marriott beach resort in Fort Lauderdale; possibly spend one
day at Disney World and one around Orlando.
BRIDAL REGISTRY
Dillards and Jones:
CHINA Fitz & Floyd Rennaisance Aubergine
CRYSTAL Gorham Lady Anne
"SILVER" Gorham Studio
DINNERWARE Fiestaware Cobalt
FLATWARE Reed & Barton Fiddler II
POTS/PANS Revere stainless & copper
OLD handkerchief (Grandmother or Great Aunt)
NEW wedding dress
BORROWED Mom's jewelry
BLUE garter
SIXPENCE
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WEDDING CEREMONY
Draft 3456.895 (i.e., changes still being made)
PRELUDE (20 minutes)
Sunrise, Sunset
etc.
PROCESSIONAL
Air from Suite #3, Bach
Trumpet Voluntary, Purcell
OFFICIANT: (1) Dearly beloved: We are gathered together in the presence
of God, and in the face of this company, to join together Scott Gregory
Hattrup and Shawna Marie Rosen in holy matrimony; which is an honorable
estate, instituted of God, regulated by GodÕs commandments and to be
held in honor among all people.
(2)-Friends, Shawna and Scott have invited us here today to share in
the celebration of their marriage Ñ their wedding.
We come together not to mark the start of a relationship, but
to recognize a bond that already exists. This marriage is one
expression of the many varieties of love. Love is one, though its
expressions are infinite.
It is fitting to speak briefly about love. We live in a world
of joy and fear and search for meaning and strength in the seeming
disorder. We discover the truest guideline to our quest when we
realize love in all its magnitudes. Love is the eternal force of life.
Love is the force that allows us to face fear and uncertainty with
courage.
But, you must Òbe of love a little more careful than of
anything.Ó For the giving of yourself in love is difficult, for you
must learn to give of your love without total submission of yourself.
Therefore, in your giving, give your joy, your sadness, your interest,
your understanding, your knowledge Ñ all expressions that make up life.
But in this giving, remember to preserve yourself Ñ your integrity,
your individuality. This is the challenge of love within marriage.
Let us pray.
Almighty and ever-blessed God, who presence is the happiness of every
condition, and whose favor hallows every relation: We ask you to be
present and favorable unto these two persons, that they may be truly
joined in the honorable estate of marriage, in the covenant of their
God. As you have brought them together by your providence, sanctify
them by your Spirit, giving them a new frame of heart fit for their new
estate; and enrich them with all grace, whereby they may enjoy the
comforts, endure the trials, and perform the duties of life together
under your heavenly guidance and protection. Amen.
1 CORINTHIANS 13 (New Revised Standard Version)
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not
have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have
prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and
if I have all, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am
nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body
so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful
or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not
irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices
in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things.
Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an
end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to
an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part, but
when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a
child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a
child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now
we see in a mirror dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I
know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully
known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the
greatest of these is love.
OFFICIANT: A good marriage must be created. In the art of marriage
the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to
hold hands. It is remembering to say ÒI love youÓ at least once each
day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the
other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it
should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of
values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the
world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole
family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty
or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of
appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is
cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each
other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for
the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which
the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual, and the obligation
is reciprocal.
(there is a longer version of this....p.40 in Fritts...longer version
may be much much better)
Marriage has certain qualities of contract, in which two people
take on the housekeeping tasks of living, together, to enhance lifeÕs
joy.
However, marriage is more than a contract. Marriage is
commitment to take that joy deep, deeper than happiness, deep in to the
discovery of who you most truly are. It is a commitment to a spiritual
journey, to a life of becoming Ñ in which joy can comprehend despair,
running through rivers of pain into joy again.
And thus marriage is even deeper than commitment. It is a
covenant Ñ a covenant that says: I love you. I trust you. I will be
here for you when you are hurting, and when I am hurting, I will not
leave.
It is a covenant intended not to provide haven from pain or
from anger and sorrow. Life offers no such haven. Instead, marriage
is intended to provide a sanctuary safe enough to risk loving, to risk
living and sharing from the center of oneself. This is worth
everything.
It takes years to marry completely two hearts, even of the most
loving and well assorted. A happy wedlock is a long falling in love.
Young persons think love belongs only to the brown-haired and
crimson-cheeked. So it does for its beginning. But the golden
marriage is a part of love which the Bridal day knows nothing of.
A perfect and complete marriage, where wedlock is everything
you could ask and the ideal of marriage becomes actual, is not common,
perhaps as rare as perfect personal beauty. Men and women are married
fractionally, now a small fraction, then a large fraction. Very few
are married totally, and they only after some forty or fifty years of
gradual approach and experiment.
Such a large and sweet fruit is a complete marriage that it
needs a long summer to ripen it, and then a long winter to mellow and
season it. But a real, happy marriage of love and judgment between a
noble man and woman is one of the things so very handsome that if the
sun were, as the Greek poets fabled, a God, he might stop the world and
hold it still now and then in order to look all day long on some
example thereof, and feast his eyes on such a spectacle.
CONSENT
OFFICIANT: Will you, Shawna, have this man to be your husband, to live
together in holy matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor him
and keep him in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, and,
forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall
live?
SHAWNA: I will.
OFFICIANT: Will you, Scott, have this woman to be your wife, to live
together in holy matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor her
and keep her in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, and,
forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall
live?
SCOTT: I will.
(alternatively, we could write our own ÒpromisesÓ like these)
Do you, Scott, promise to be patient with Shawna, to laugh at
her jokes and to comfort her tears, to live together as companions and
lovers?
Do you, Shawna, promise to be patient with Scott, to learn
alongside him what it means to be human, what it means to love another
person for a whole lifetime?
EXCHANGE OF VOWS (Bride and Groom face each other and join right
hands):
(1) I, Scott, take you Shawna, to be my wife. I promise to be true to
you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love
you and honor you all the days of my life.
or
(2) I, Shawna, take you, Scott, to be my husband, friend and lover; in
good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, through laughter and
through tears. I love you and will help you to become all that you
wish to be.
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
OFFICIANT: From the earliest times, the circle has been a symbol of
completeness, a symbol of committed love. An unbroken and never ending
circle symbolizes a commitment of love that is also never ending. As
often as either of you looks at this symbol, I hope that you will be
reminded of the commitment to love each other, which you have made
today.
(1) Scott, wear this ring as a sign of my friendship, love and trust.
You are my love and my best friend.
(2) With this ring I thee wed (and pledge my love now and forever?).
(3) I, Shawna, give to you Scott, this ring, as a symbol of my
commitment to love, honor and respect you.
WINE SERVICE
OFFICIANT: Unto you, O Lord, we lift (this thy holy hand grenade) our
souls in praise. As all creation reflects your glory, even so Scott
and Shawna, fashioned in your image, reveal your majesty. Within their
hearts did you implant the enobling impulses of love and devotion.
Dear God, source of all life and all joy, sanctify the covenant which
Scott and Shawna are creating in your name. Bestow upon them your
gifts of friendship, of love, and of peace. Let them rejoice in the
sweetness of that family union which is founded on purity and fidelity.
Be with them at this hour of their gladness, bless their covenant, and
seal their bond of wedlock with everlasting love. AMEN.
**(ACK. Ptooey. This part MUST be changed! See Fritts p. 110 for more
on wine services.)**
(Scott drinks first and then offers the cup to Shawna) . . .
and as you share the cup of wine, so may you share all things with love
and understanding.
HOMILY OR SERMON (up to Bob)
from The Prophet
Kahlil Gibran
Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each otherÕs cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be
alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the
same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each otherÕs keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each otherÕs shadow.
PIANO SOLO
Enya, Watermark
(give breakaway bouquet flowers to parents)
OFFICIANT: The wedding is not over, it is just begun. Not once and
forever, but again and again shall the mystery of two people, together
and in love, move one another and touch the world. For marriage is not
something said and done, but a promise, whose fulfillment is acted out
in time. Truth remains elusive, death a secret, love a challenge; life
goes on neither more nor less incidentally than before, but oneÕs hand
is strengthened, oneÕs way, brightened, and oneÕs load, if not
lightened, is made easier to bear.
So For Scott and Shawna we simply pray that the promises have a
long and excellent fulfillment, that the company be good and the
seasons joyous all along the way. Amen.
Shawna and Scott, you have now affirmed before your families
and friends your love and your caring for each other. You have come
from different backgrounds. You have walked different paths. You are
different individuals. Your love has transcended these differences.
In the years before you may the richness of the traditions that have
nurtured you enhance and brighten your lives as you help to create and
shape the future.
May the challenges of your life together be met with courage
and optimism. May you learn from your failures and grow in your
achievements. May life bless you with children, friends and family in
a wide network of mutual support and enjoyment. May you face pain,
toil and trouble with a stout but light heart. May you share with
others the radiance of your seasons of joy and pleasure. May you
always remember that laughter is the best medicine.
Officiant: And now, by the authority vested in me, I now pronounce
that Scott and Shawna are husband and wife in the name of God, one God
for us all, for all time. Amen.
May God bless you and keep you. May GodÕs presence shine upon
you and be gracious to you. May GodÕs presence be with you and give
you peace.
SMASHING OF THE WINE GLASS
KISS
RECESSIONAL: Ode to Joy, Beethoven
Shawna & Scott 06/10/95
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Shawna M. Rosen sat...@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu
If it's any of your business, it isn't really gossip
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