Spam style
Mike Lyle
it that one always recognises newsgroup spam for what it is?
<You have to take a look at this item that I feel on e-bay. I never
saw
this before and i am wondering if it is true and if they could really
keep this alive
What do you think??
item [xxxx]
Copy this and put it e-bay search.>
The culprit somehow only confirmed suspicion by following up next day
with:
<Did you get a chance to check out the item [xxxx] on e-bay .Yes a
plant in a bottle.Has anyone ever tried something like this before?
What
is the blue stuff at the bottom of the bottle?Can a plant really live
like this or is that fake?>
I think it's the general tone of idiotic enthusiasm, trying to ape
the worst advertising style, which is diagnostic; but is it possible
to be more specific? Expressions like "You have to take a look"
without saying what at seem to be popular in the genre. Pseudonyms in
themselves aren't a sign of non-kosherity: some well-respected
aueistas quite reasonably choose not to reveal their identities.
--
Mike.
Django Cat
My contribution:
"You have to look at this amazing site these guys have put together!"
DC
Ross Howard
wrought:
"I was surfing and came across this. It sounds too good to be true, I
know, but I sure can't see the catch."
--
Ross Howard
Blue Hornet
An it semes they cain't spel to safe there lifes, eether. Or write
complete sentences.
J. J. Lodder
Exceedingly poor style indeed.
Great spammers invent a wholly new literary genre.
This years Ig Nobel prize justly rewards 'The Internet entrepreneurs of
Nigeria' for achieving just that.
The Ig Nobel cite for the literatury prize is:
===
LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of Nigeria, for creating and then
using e-mail to distribute a bold series of short stories, thus
introducing millions of readers to a cast of rich characters -- General
Sani Abacha, Mrs. Mariam Sanni Abacha, Barrister Jon A Mbeki Esq., and
others -- each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so
as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled and
which they would like to share with the kind person who assists them.
====
Best,
Jan
Chess One
"J. J. Lodder" <nos...@de-ster.demon.nl> wrote in message
news:1h7w3ww.1j...@de-ster.xs4all.nl...
> Mike Lyle <mike_l...@REMOVETHISyahoo.co.uk> wrote:
> ===
> LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of Nigeria, for creating and then
> using e-mail to distribute a bold series of short stories, thus
> introducing millions of readers to a cast of rich characters -- General
> Sani Abacha, Mrs. Mariam Sanni Abacha, Barrister Jon A Mbeki Esq., and
> others -- each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so
> as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled and
> which they would like to share with the kind person who assists them.
> ====
They are better at it than we are. Don't you think we should invent
something spammy, and then 'foist it' onto some unsuspecting newsgroup?
Obviously lotteries, oil wells, bank-errors-in-your-favour, deceased uncles,
tragic plane crashes leaving... are a tad overdone. What new contribution
can we come up with for our own amusement, or for the relief of poor
Nigerian spammer's chances for '06.
Cordially, er, Nigel M'Butu-Smith
> Best,
>
> Jan
>
>
>
Chess One
"Chess One" <inn...@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:Vowuf.3138$Z74.1608@trndny06...
>
> They are better at it than we are. Don't you think we should invent
> something spammy, and then 'foist it' onto some unsuspecting newsgroup?
>
> Obviously lotteries, oil wells, bank-errors-in-your-favour, deceased
> uncles, tragic plane crashes leaving... are a tad overdone. What new
> contribution can we come up with for our own amusement, or for the relief
> of poor Nigerian spammer's chances for '06.
>
> Cordially, er, Nigel M'Butu-Smith
after-thought, as such
vanity seems to be out, what's in is avarice, and maybe sex, maybe
best sex writing of '06?
but one of the characters is....
and the other is...
and the third one is ...
for 3 million Euros and two Condos, one on the Costa del Drunken British
Louts and far-too Loud Germans, and the other at Aspen [aspirate at Aspen!]
Never have to work again! Or even pretend to.
[Oberon Waugh awards an annual worst sex writing prize at a winery near the
Spectator's offices, no winner has ever showed up.]
Cords., N. M-S
>
>> Best,
>>
>> Jan
>>
>>
>>
>
>
Father Ignatius
> [Oberon Waugh awards an annual worst sex writing prize at a winery near
> the Spectator's offices, no winner has ever showed up.]
Auberon? The Oldie? When he wasn't dead? Not even good-sport Jilly Cooper?
Vinny Burgoo
> > the Spectator's offices, no winner has ever showed up.]
>
> Auberon? The Oldie? When he wasn't dead? Not even good-sport Jilly Cooper?
The Literary Review.
And I think Lord Bragg of Widmerpool showed up.
Chess One
"Father Ignatius" <FatherI...@ANTISPAMananzi.co.za> wrote in message
news:dpe6pf$3fs$1...@ctb-nnrp2.saix.net...
Its a joke. Of course, son-of-Evelyn, who goes by "Bron". Is he dead too?
And is Jilly still writing porn-in-the-stables novels? Lots of good grunting
and silky things. They don't have them in our local library.
Phil
Vinny Burgoo
> Its a joke. Of course, son-of-Evelyn, who goes by "Bron". Is he dead too?
Ye's.
> And is Jilly still writing porn-in-the-stables novels? Lots of good grunting
> and silky things. They don't have them in our local library.
Dunno.
But her work probably isn't eligible for the Bad Sex prize, which is a
literary award, innit. Well-crafted pot-boilers don't count. The
intention is to poke fun at the pretensions of the literati. (By the
way, I can't find Webfirmation of Our Melv having turned up in person
to collect his award but at least four other winners Webcertainly did.)
The winning passage from 2003 occupied three or four pages. Here are
the lowlights:
"Your cock is still not straight and high like Mount Everest. It need
some work along the fault lines, the crevices where desire rests. ...
Her breasts are placards for the endomorphically endowed. ... For now
she has taken you in her lovely mouth. ... She is topping up your
engine oil for the cross-country event to come. Your rpm are hitting a
new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time. ... iron
restraint ... cubic feet of pressure ... molten metal .. Bugatti ...
Volkswagen ... maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas ... all
cylinders blazing ... different kinds of fusion ... nearing apogee ..."
You still there?
--
V
pork incest
Father Ignatius
"Vinny Burgoo" <hlu...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1136312427.6...@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
There was a remark here the other day about Victoria Coren's pedigree.
Well, I turned up what The Times of London published when her brother
Giles -- their restaurant critic -- beat off stiff competition to win the
Bad Sex in Fiction prize for this passage in his first (and apparently last)
novel, _Winkler_:
And he **** **** in her ***** and his **** jumped around and ******* on her
***** and he blacked *** and she **** his **** out of her ***** and lifted
******* from his **** and ******* the pillow away and he ****** and *******
at the air, and he **** again so **** that his **** ******** out of her ****
and a **** of it *** him straight in the *** and ***** like ******* he'd
ever *** in *****, and he yelled with the pain, but the **** could have been
********, and as she ******* at his ****, which was ******* around like a
****** dropped in an ***** ****, she ********* his **** deeply with the
***** of both **** and he **** three **** times, in ***** ****** on ***
chest. Like Zorro.
From http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,6109,1656302,00.html"
'The prize was launched in 1993 by the late editor of the Literary Review,
Auberon Waugh, in an attempt to "draw attention to the crude, tasteless,
often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the
modern novel". Winners of the award receive a statuette and a bottle of
champagne - but only if they show up. While most do, last year's champion
Tom Wolfe boycotted the ceremony, claiming that judges had failed to
recognise the irony in a passage from his novel I Am Charlotte Simmons
beginning "slither slither slither slither went the tongue".
Coren, however, seemed delighted with his win, and accepted his prize with
aplomb from the Turner Prize-winning artist, Grayson Perry. Of the other
shortlisted passages, he said "I wish I'd written them all."'
> --
> V
> pork incest
>
Chess One
"Vinny Burgoo" <hlu...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1136312427.6...@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
>
>> Its a joke. Of course, son-of-Evelyn, who goes by "Bron". Is he dead too?
>
> Ye's.
O
>> And is Jilly still writing porn-in-the-stables novels? Lots of good
>> grunting
>> and silky things. They don't have them in our local library.
>
> Dunno.
>
> But her work probably isn't eligible for the Bad Sex prize, which is a
> literary award, innit.
No, they are more cunning.
> Well-crafted pot-boilers don't count. The
> intention is to poke fun
Oy!
> at the pretensions of the literati. (By the
> way, I can't find Webfirmation of Our Melv having turned up in person
> to collect his award but at least four other winners Webcertainly did.)
Lordy Lordy.
> The winning passage from 2003 occupied three or four pages. Here are
> the lowlights:
>
> "Your cock is still not straight and high like Mount Everest. It need
> some work along the fault lines, the crevices where desire rests. ...
:)
> Her breasts are placards for the endomorphically endowed. ... For now
> she has taken you in her lovely mouth. ... She is topping up your
> engine oil for the cross-country event to come.
a spermious metaphor, surely?
> Your rpm are hitting a
> new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time. ... iron
> restraint ... cubic feet of pressure ... molten metal .. Bugatti ...
good good...
> Volkswagen ...
ah,
> maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas ... all
> cylinders blazing ... different kinds of fusion ... nearing apogee ..."
>
> You still there?
um, no, but i'm coming
how, er, fucking awful
like two machines going at it
no soft shifts
once removed
no eyes, do shuile!
nor ruddy hair, tangled
no languishing before
walks
nor tidal flows
nor retreating rake
soundings over stones
no mystery of the wave
come these thousand miles
nor astonishment
at the shore
phil
> --
> V
> pork incest
>
Tony Cooper
wrote:
>The winning passage from 2003 occupied three or four pages. Here are
>the lowlights:
>
>"Your cock is still not straight and high like Mount Everest. It need
>some work along the fault lines, the crevices where desire rests. ...
>Her breasts are placards for the endomorphically endowed. ... For now
>she has taken you in her lovely mouth. ... She is topping up your
>engine oil for the cross-country event to come. Your rpm are hitting a
>new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time. ... iron
>restraint ... cubic feet of pressure ... molten metal .. Bugatti ...
>Volkswagen ... maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas ... all
>cylinders blazing ... different kinds of fusion ... nearing apogee ..."
>
>You still there?
Years ago, my wife and I were on vacation and tried to find a motel in
town that was having some sort of festival. The only available room
was in a motel that had "Adult" in the sign.
The TV had some very hard-core pornography of the vacuum cleaner
salesman with the black socks variety. It was the first time my wife
had ever viewed a porno movie.
Rather than being sexually stimulating, the movie evoked gales of
laughter. One of those things that are so bad they are terribly
funny.
The best thing I can say about the room is that it had one table lamp
with a 40 watt bulb. The room was too dark to see the sheets.
--
Tony Cooper
Orlando, FL
Father Ignatius
Continuing our fasssscinated researches, my dearsss, into this interesting
topic, we found (at
http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/culturevulture/archives/2005/12/01/coren_blimey.html):
Tension mounted as the announcement of the winner drew near and this year's
presenter, Grayson Perry, took the stage in a fabulous LBD, establishing his
credentials by introducing himself "as a complete pervert... ".
Since Perry is a guy, "LBD" couldn't possibly have meant what I thought it
meant (only it did), so I scampered off to:
http://www.acronymfinder.com/af-query.asp?String=exact&Acronym=LBD&Find=Find
to find out what it was, arising from which, enquiring minds wondered what
"Lesbian Bed Death" (http://lesbianlife.about.com/cs/sex/f/beddeath.htm)
could possibly be.
Phew. Steamy stuff, this English usage gig.
the Omrud
> Years ago, my wife and I were on vacation and tried to find a motel in
> town that was having some sort of festival. The only available room
> was in a motel that had "Adult" in the sign.
>
> The TV had some very hard-core pornography of the vacuum cleaner
> salesman with the black socks variety. It was the first time my wife
> had ever viewed a porno movie.
>
> Rather than being sexually stimulating, the movie evoked gales of
> laughter. One of those things that are so bad they are terribly
> funny.
Paramount Comedy channel is currently showing "Badly Dubbed Porn"
which is a range of excruciatingly bad soft porn movies dubbed over
with spurious soundtracks to make entirely new stories. Quite
entertaining.
--
David
=====
replace usenet with the
Vinny Burgoo
[snip]
> Since Perry is a guy, "LBD" couldn't possibly have meant what I thought it
> meant (only it did), so I scampered off to:
>
> http://www.acronymfinder.com/af-query.asp?String=exact&Acronym=LBD&Find=Find
I'm impressed. That site has heard of NUTS (though not the all-
important NUTS3).
NUTS is, of course, "Nomenclature of Territorial Units for
Statistics" ("Nomenclature des unités territoriales statistiques" -
NUTS being an EU thing, French letters are to the fore).
It would be no exaggeration to say that without NUTS there could
be no European Union as we know it. You will find NUTS at the
heart of every EU endeavour. Without NUTS, the endless stream of
data (sand-eels per hectare of piggery etc.) flowing into Brussels
and Strasbourg would be worse than useless, and without useless
data the institutions of the EU wouldn't know what to do with
themselves. The EU's overview of NUTS claims that "The NUTS
favours institutional breakdown", but that's topsy-turvy, through-
the-looking-glass stuff. Sans NUTS there could be no institutions.
They thrive on NUTS. No nomenclature, no nomenklatura: it's really
that simple. And then where would we be?
Incidentally, the EU has allocated NUTS to the entire world. Alaska,
for example, is NUTS US02, which puts it squarely in the Upper
Two (with Alabama).
[That's enough NUTS - Ed.]
> Phew. Steamy stuff, this English usage gig.
It's nuts to perverts.
--
V
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