XV: FOX Answering Service! (Re: Meg's ESCAPE from the DUNGEON)
Pamela T. Pon
Leigh A Vrabel <s013...@cc.ysu.edu> wrote:
>Punk Maneuverability wrote:
>>PUNK: Come here, shirtless-and-barefoot-crying-in-the-rain-with-
>>reading-glasses Mulder. I've got to send this missive to Leigh over
>>at 4/27 Productions.
>>[PUNK spends a good ten minutes carefully *inserting* the slip of
>>paper in the front pocket of the Mulder's jeans. The FOX goes out
>>without complications.]
>
>If you think I'm going to reach into a Mulder clone's jeans, just
>for a message, you're nuts!
>Next time, punk, use e-mail...;)
>Mulder clones...PTOOOEY!
Things are slow at The Pool (as always), and we could always use some new
visitors (especially of the shirtless-barefoot-crying-Mulder variety),
so I'd like to announce the opening of my side business: the all-new ...
*** *** *** *** *** ***
*** FOX ANSWERING SERVICE ***
*** *** *** *** *** ***
If you dislike Mulders, yet you don't wish to miss any messages sent to
you via FOX (and given how much fun FOXes are to send, this could mean
a rather large amount of lost mail -- detrimental to any XV business),
the FOX Answering Service can RECEIVE and FORWARD your FOXes for you!
Located at the Entrance to X-Ville's Olympic-Sized Public Pool
and Skinny Dipping Spot, and open 24 hours per day like The Pool itself,
the FOX Answering Service will gladly receive your FOX; carefully retrieve
the sender's message from his jeans; and promptly forward the message to
your doorstep in the hands of a fully-dressed, coherent, polite, reliable,
emotionally-reserved, discreet, and diplomatic Fiennes-as-T.E.-Lawrence
Clone with a charming English accent (also fluent in French and Arabic,
if you prefer). No physical contact required (though not refused).
And the charge for this Service?
Nothing! No charges apply to either the Sender or the Addressee.
It's absolutely FREE! For the FOX Answering Service, the work itself is
its own reward. Specifically, the work of having to reach into the Mulder
Clone's jeans to get the message -- and then, as soon as the Forwarding
process is underway, the work of toweling dry, soothing, comforting,
and reassuring the FOX (and if necessary, removing & laundering its jeans)
before returning it to the sender, safely chaperoned by the trusty
Fiennes-as-Lawrence Clone. Thanks to our Service:
===> YOU, the ADDRESSEE, receive your message from the hands of a sane,
rational, decently-clothed carrier;
===> THE SENDER's FOX is returned dry, calm, relaxed (perhaps even
freshly laundered and ... sated), ready to return to work,
and as happy as any barefoot-shirtless-crying Mulder can be; and
===> the dedicated FORWARDING SERVICE STAFF enjoy the satisfaction
of a FOX well-laid ... <ahem>, I mean, of a job well-done.
[WARNING: the FOX Forwarding Service is not recommended for X-Villians who
own a Siddig-as-Feisal Clone, as these prove irresistibly distracting for
Fiennes-as-Lawrence Clones, and may interfere with the Homing Instinct
which ensures that my Fiennes-as-Lawrence will always return to the Pool
in a timely fashion, drawn by the presence of my Sid-as-Feisal.
Fortunately, there do not seem to be *any* other Siddig Clones
of any kind residing in X-Ville so far; but just in case ...]
Pam, the Lifeguard at XV's Olympic-Sized Public Pool & Skinny-Dipping Spot
and Owner of the FOX Answering Service.
** please DO NOT e-mail * my mailbox is full of SPAM * please POST replies **
* * * DUE SOUTH has found a U.S. distributor! * * *
* Ask your local station to carry DUE SOUTH in syndication from PolyGram TV *
** help bring back SPACE: ABOVE & BEYOND! ** see www.planetx.com/space:aab **
**** RIDE FOREVER * * * Do or Die * * * Thank you kindly * * * SEMPER FI ****
RedCrow XV's resident hippie
The CIA made "Pamela T. Pon" <p...@best.com> write:
> *** *** *** *** *** ***
> *** FOX ANSWERING SERVICE ***
> *** *** *** *** *** ***
Oh Great!! This is all I need, Pam you better hope that the Foxes
don't arrive at Krychek while I'm not home. It's bad enough
trying to stop the Mulder and Krycek clones that I live with from
sticking their hands *places* they shouldn't be without this
"service"!! I would be extremely grateful if when you get an
order to or from Krychek you could double check with me first,
hopefully that should stop the little buggers!
Peace RedCrow xx
*********************************************************
'RedCrow' XVille's resident Hippie. Director: 'XVille:The Musical'
"Cusack for Breakfast '98!!" -- Me. Hahahahahhaaaaahhaaa.... !!!
I live in a van called Krychek, with the *real* Agent Pendrell...
*********************************************************
Jeffrey A. Dower
Secrets from the underworld. Crazy defective people live in Florida. Glad
the moon still rises on you're side of the country. Don't be a stranger
Mac Nooge
Pamela T. Pon wrote:
> *** *** *** *** *** ***
> *** FOX ANSWERING SERVICE ***
> *** *** *** *** *** ***
> you via FOX (and given how much fun FOXes are to send, this could mean
> a rather large amount of lost mail -- detrimental to any XV business),
> the FOX Answering Service can RECEIVE and FORWARD your FOXes for you!
> Located at the Entrance to X-Ville's Olympic-Sized Public Pool
> and Skinny Dipping Spot, and open 24 hours per day like The Pool itself,
> the FOX Answering Service will gladly receive your FOX; carefully retrieve
> the sender's message from his jeans; and promptly forward the message to
> your doorstep in the hands of a fully-dressed, coherent, polite, reliable,
> emotionally-reserved, discreet, and diplomatic Fiennes-as-T.E.-Lawrence
> Clone with a charming English accent
PTP, I salute you; your business acumen deserves the Golden SPAM Award.
But I was chatting with the Mountie clones down at the Embassy, who've
gone a bit bored with the departure of Madame Ambassador for her
vacation..er...summer assignment. They wonder about your security
prcedures with these FOXES. In my helpful capacity as
Unoffical-Dog-About
Town, I suggested that perhaps they could send a Benton or two down to
the pool to see exactly what was going on. In fact, I thought they could
send not only a Benton-in-Red-Tunic clone down but perhaps a
Benton-in-Jeans down as well so that you could DEMONSTRATE exactly how
this is to be done. They thanked me kindly agreeing that this was the
only way they would ever be certain of your methods. (Of course they'll
probably want to pick stuff up and lick it. They always do that. Gross!)
But here's the thing; ever since the MUSICAL rehearsals began, we've
also had this Lt.-Cdr Harmon Rabb clone hanging about the Embassy. He
feels rather lost, as there seem to be no cases of naval law for him to
investigate in X-Ville, nor any emergencies where he's required to
fly-a-strange-plane-he's-never-flown-before-at-night-despite-his-night-blindness.
Since he was hanging around in jeans bulding a deck for the Embassy,
they wondered if you'd mind redemonstrating...just in case the American
Navy ever has need to know about the proper and secure way to retreive
messages from a FOX, of course.
Now, I thought this might be a bit too much to ask. Would you, could
you,
demonstrate your message-retrieval system not only on a BENTON FRASER
but also on a HARMON RABB? Both would be highly grateful and happy to
help you in ANY possible way. I warned them not to infringe on your good
nature but!
Beagle
Unofficial Liasion with Mounties, Deaf Wolves, and Navy Lawyers
Director, Queequeg Memorial Small Yappy Dog Rest Home/Bait Shop
Pamela T. Pon
Mac Nooge <rmnu...@is2.dal.ca> wrote:
>Pamela T. Pon wrote: *** FOX ANSWERING SERVICE ***
>>If you dislike Mulders, yet you don't wish to miss any messages sent to
>>you via FOX (and given how much fun FOXes are to send, this could mean
>>a rather large amount of lost mail -- detrimental to any XV business),
>>the FOX Answering Service can RECEIVE and FORWARD your FOXes for you!
>>of a fully-dressed, coherent, polite, reliable, emotionally-reserved,
>
>PTP, I salute you; your business acumen deserves the Golden SPAM Award.
Why, thank you, Beagle! Though, like any other BusinessPerson/Beagle in
our fair city, all I've done is become aware of a NEED that has ARISEN in
the community and endeavoured to FILL it (at a profit) as any good Citizen
or Ferengi would. As long as there are X-Villians who for whatever reason
do not wish to HANDLE their own FOXes, I -- I mean, we at the Answering
Service -- will do our best to SATISFY our customers ... and their FOXes.
(If the Golden SPAM Award trophy involves anything like a bronzed/
gold-dipped/spraypainted/shellacked/coloured/varnished/papier-mache'd can
or clump of SPAM, will it be possible to ensure that Veggie SPAM is used?)
>But I was chatting with the Mountie clones down at the Embassy, who've
>gone a bit bored with the departure of Madame Ambassador for her
>vacation..er...summer assignment. They wonder about your security
>procedures with these FOXES. In my helpful capacity as Unoffical-Dog-About
>Town, I suggested that perhaps they could send a Benton or two down to the
>pool to see exactly what was going on. In fact, I thought they could send
>not only a Benton-in-Red-Tunic clone down but perhaps a Benton-in-Jeans
>down as well so that you could DEMONSTRATE exactly how this is to be done.
Oh, a most wise, helpful, insightful, thoughtful, generous Beagle indeed!
Now that you mention it, I'm beginning to GRASP how much our "security
procedures" could benefit from a THOROUGH and RIGOROUS inspection by one
or more conscientious and ATTENTIVE Benton Clones. In fact, we may feel
obliged to UNCOVER the most INTIMATE details of our operation to the
INTENSE scrutiny of these CONSUMMATE professionals.
Of course, while the Bentons are so enGROSSed in this Poolside
activity, their Longtime Lupine Companions may tire of waiting for all of
our LENGTHY and EXHAUSTIVE examinations to be completed. I wouldn't want
them to grow bored or anxious, or for their natural curiousity to draw
them too close to the Moat or to the end of the Pier unescorted. I'm sure
these Deaf Wolves would be more than honoured to make the acquaintance of
a charming Dog-About-Town like yourself ...
Ahh ... I can already hear DS CD Track 17 ("Dief's in Love")
echoing through the streets of X-Ville ...
>They thanked me kindly agreeing that this was the
>only way they would ever be certain of your methods. (Of course they'll
>probably want to pick stuff up and lick it. They always do that. Gross!)
Oh yes. I'll have to remind Sid, Ralph-as-Lawrence, & Speedo Mulder not
to be alarmed if any Bentons pick them (or me) up and LICK them (or me)
... and since I can't find him to warn him, I'll just hope that my
chronically AWOL Ralph-as-Almasy doesn't happen to Come Back For Me
(he *promised*!) at an inopportune moment.
>But here's the thing; ever since the MUSICAL rehearsals began,
>we've also had this Lt.-Cdr Harmon Rabb clone hanging about the Embassy.
>He feels rather lost, as there seem to be no cases of naval law for him
>to investigate in X-Ville, nor any emergencies where he's required to
>fly-a-strange-plane-he's-never-flown-before-at-night-despite-his-
>-night-blindness.
Would that be the night blindness which *didn't* cause him to mistake
X-Ville's main street for a runway when he crash-land<ahem> -- I mean,
when he dropped in on us so unexpectedly? I've heard he claims X-Ville
was part of his flight plan all along. Even so, I doubt he expected
this "scheduled" stopover to last quite as long as it has. Fortunately,
he seems to be enjoying his stay too much to have noticed that the
repairs to his plane are not progressing as quickly as they should ...
>Since he was hanging around in jeans building a deck for the Embassy,
Mmmm. He's good at renovation work, isn't he? Such an industrious
and HANDS-ON kind of fellow.
>they wondered if you'd mind redemonstrating...just in case the American
>Navy ever has need to know about the proper and secure way to retreive
>messages from a FOX, of course.
I'm confused. Demonstrating FOX message retrieval for the US Navy, or
for the Canadian Embassy staff? I think the only representative of the
Navy here is Harm himself -- and fanfic like "Speakeasy" notwithstanding,
I'd feel a little strange showing him how to retrieve FOXed messages
from his *own* jeans. On the other hand, showing the erstwhile Canadian
Embassy staffers the proper and secure way to retrieve FOXes from either
the casualwear or the Dress Whites of US Naval officers would be a
valuable learning experience for all involved.
>Now, I thought this might be a bit too much to ask. Would you, could you,
>demonstrate your message-retrieval system not only on a BENTON FRASER
>but also on a HARMON RABB? Both would be highly grateful and happy to
>help you in ANY possible way. I warned them not to infringe on your good
>nature but!
Oh, if they *insist* ... how can I refuse? Although, I don't want to be
greedy. If anyone else wants to practice their FOX message-retrieval
techniques, I'll be happy to share. CASE IN POINT: you know, Beagle,
retrieving FOXes doesn't necessarily require the use of opposable thumbs.
Or even of hands. One must be creative! I suspect that Harm would
*love* to scratch behind your ears ...
>Beagle
>Unofficial Liasion with Mounties, Deaf Wolves, and Navy Lawyers
>Director, Queequeg Memorial Small Yappy Dog Rest Home/Bait Shop
Speaking of the Musical, it strikes me that Dr. Sam Beckett would make an
*excellent* addition to the cast -- as well as an admirable FOX retrieval
demonstration tool. (And where he goes, yet another Naval officer in
Dress Whites -- or an array of fashions capable of aborting any attempted
invasions of X-Ville by Joan Rivers -- is sure to follow.)
Det. Mike Logan would also make a fine demonstration tool, albeit
a challenging one (dunno if I can reach that high, but I'd love to try 8-)
I'm sure he'd welcome the opportunity to move to a Town populated only by
Deaf Wolves -- not a Dick Wolf in sight.