NEW: TITLE 17 [1/1]
Amy Schatz
Okay, how to explain this story... It all came about after
a weekend of watching movies with my sister. (BTW,
the movie 'Species' is one of the grossest things I have
seen in a long time, but I liked it anyway.:) This isn't a
romance (though there is some UST), and it's not a straight
X-File, either. I really don't know what it is, but I hope
you like it, and I hope you find it at least slightly humorous.
I think that everyone, both R'shipper's and Non R'shipper's
alike, can enjoy this story. :D
DISCLAIMER: You all know what goes here, right?
Good. If I owned these people, Mulder and Scully
would be picking out China patterns by now - with
little flying saucers on them, of course. ;D
SUMMARY: I can't really give one without giving away
the story. All I can say is that Mulder and Scully are
assignedto help another agent on a case.
DEDICATION: I've never done this before, but I really
want this to go to my sister, Risa, who gave me the idea for
this.Thanks, Risa. I'll make you an X-Phile yet! <g>
THANKS: Thank you to Melissa (for her help, and for
calling me 'sick and twisted':), Molly (for her kind
comments and advice), and Anik (for figuring this out
right in the beginning because we share the same brain,
so I can't hide anything from her.:).
STORY NOTE: I have been told that this story should be read
twice to enjoy it fully. :D
COMMENTS: "Please write to me!" Amy begs in a pathetic voice.
I'd love to hear your comments. You can find me at: ris...@epix.net
That's it! Let's get to the story, shall we?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TITLE 17
by Amy Schatz
FBI Headquarters
Washington D.C.
Conference Room 1
4:07 pm
Mulder and Scully sat in a small conference room, in
front of a round table. They both had annoyed expressions
on their faces, and Mulder was slumped down in his chair,
not caring that his dark grey suit was getting wrinkled. He
looked over at Scully, and noticed that her dark red suit
jacket and skirt clung nicely to her body, and set off her
hair and eyes.
He was shaken from his silent appraisal of his partner
by the opening of the door.
"Sorry about the wait!" someone called, and then
stepped inside. It was a burly man with a sparse amount of
hair, a dark suit, and a sheen of sweat on his upper lip.
"I'm Agent Beta," he said, extending his hand to Mulder.
Mulder shook it briefly, nodding. "I'm Agent Mulder,
and this is my partner, Agent Scully."
Agent Beta turned to Scully, smiled, and shook her hand
as well. "Nice to meet you both. I've heard a lot about
you."
Mulder smirked and shot Scully a look. "I'm sure."
Beta nodded and took a seat at the table, as Mulder and
Scully sat back down. He spread out various folders and
reports before him, looking them over. "I'm sorry that you
were taken away from your current assignment, but Assistant
Director Skinner thought that this case would give both of
you a much needed break. As you will soon see, most of this
is just white collar investigative work."
Mulder and Scully exchanged a glance and rolled their
eyes. Why would Skinner think that they would want to sit
around on wire-tap duty? It didn't make any sense.
"What's the crime here?" asked Scully.
At that question, Beta's brown eyes darkened. "This
guy is *sick* as you'll soon see. He has *no* regard for
American values. He has no regard for anything, really. He
does this because it serves *his* needs."
"What is it that he does?" asked Mulder, in a tired,
sarcastic tone.
"This is a list of crimes that we believe this
individual has committed. The problem is that we've never
been able to catch him at it, or prove that he did them."
Beta passed the list to Scully, who quickly skimmed it
over. As she did, a disgusted expression came over her
face, and she passed the paper to Mulder, muttering
something about mutants not only being in the X-Files.
He took the paper from her and as he read over the
person's crimes, his hazel eyes darkened and took on the
look he had when he was interrogating a particularly surly
criminal.
After they had both reviewed the list, Beta looked up
from the notes he had been making. "So, what do you think?"
Mulder answered for them. "I absolutely *hate* these
types of people," he said, his voice dripping with loathing.
"And I'm sure that Scully feels the same way."
"I do," she said, pushing a strand of hair behind her
ear. "They are the reason that America is in such a social
decline."
Beta smiled, glad that he had found two allies. Most
of the agents in the Bureau thought that the cases he
investigated weren't important, and he was publicly heckled.
He knew that Mulder and Scully were also ostracized by the
rest of the agents, so he figured that they would probably
sympathize with him.
"I'm glad that you both feel this way. Usually, people
find out the kind of cases that I investigate, they laugh,
make some stupid remark, and then leave. But you two seem
different."
Mulder nodded. "Well, Scully and I have had our share
of rude comments and jerks. Besides, we find that your
casework is very important."
Beta looked at them thankfully, sighed, and pressed
onward. "Agent Mulder, I would be very grateful if you
could try and work up a profile for this...scum based on the
information here, and Agent Scully," he said, his gaze going
to her, "I have some evidence that I'd like you to take a
look at. Maybe you can lift some prints off of it. I know
that you've been able to get prints off of mostly unviable
objects before. And you could also test for any sort of
trace evidence."
Mulder and Scully both nodded, and stood up. Mulder
gathered together all the information on the suspect and
said, "We'd be happy to assist you, Agent Beta. I'll get to
work on the profile right away."
Scully nodded in agreement. "And I'll go take a look
at the evidence. Just tell me where it is."
Beta smiled broadly. "Great! The evidence is waiting
for you in Lab number four, Agent Scully. But, you two can
wait and start on this tomorrow, you know."
Mulder shook his head. "That's okay. Scully and I
would have been here anyway, working on our expense reports.
This case will give us a break, and more time to explain how
we lost two new cell phones and our flashlights...again.
Besides, we really want to catch this slime, don't we,
Scully?"
She looked up at him, a determined look on her face.
"You bet. I want trash like this off the streets."
Mulder looked at Scully, an amazed expression on his
face. "Scully, I've never seen you so gung-ho before."
She shrugged. "Yeah well, it bothers me that certain
people can get away with things like this and never get
caught. And I always obey the law. Why should someone else
be above it?"
Mulder grinned, and put his hand at Scully's back, as
they walked to the door. "That Scully, is the story of our
life."
"Ah, Mulder and Scully?" asked Beta, stopping them in
the doorway.
They both turned around. "Yes?" they asked, in unison.
"How *did* you lose your phones and flashlights?"
Mulder and Scully shared a look. "Well, Agent Beta,"
said Scully a smile on her lips, "let's just say that a
swamp, some slippery logs, and UFO's were involved. The
rest has been classified."
Beta's eyes widened. "Understood, Agent Scully.
Please let me know when you have completed your work."
Mulder and Scully smiled, and walked out of the
conference room, barely holding back their laughter at the
agent's expression.
************
X-Files office
9:03 pm
Same day
Mulder sat at Scully's desk, staring at her computer's
monitor, deep in thought. He had been working on the
profile for this sicko for over three hours, and he couldn't
seem to find any concrete motivation for his actions. He
couldn't understand why this guy would break the law because
he didn't gain much in the end. He certainly didn't get any
money out of it.
Mulder was thinking so hard that he didn't even notice
when Scully walked in, holding a folder, exhausted from the
three hours she had spent in the lab. She walked over to
his desk, and sank down in his chair.
After a few minutes she said, "Getting anywhere,
Mulder?"
He was momentarily startled at her appearance, but then
leaned back in the chair, rubbing his eyes. "Not really. I
can't seem to ascribe an MO."
She nodded, opening the folder, and said, "Well, I
*was* able to lift one latent print. This guy's no amateur
- he's a pro. I ran the print through the national database
and found that the guy we're looking for is named Don E.
Vig." She got up and walked over to Mulder, handing him a
picture of Vig.
He looked up at her, surprised. "You were able to get
a picture of him?"
Scully nodded. "Well, after finding the print after
*only* two hours of looking, I had some time to kill," she
said, the corners of her mouth lifting.
He nodded. "I see." Mulder looked down at the picture.
He found himself looking at a young male - about 20 years
old - with medium-length, greasy, straight hair that hung
over his eyes. He had a sullen expression on his face,
perpetuating the stereotype of the lawless young adult.
Mulder returned his gaze to Scully, waiting for her to
continue.
"It appears," she said, her serious tone returning,
"that he's been working at the local Blockbuster, while
going to the community college. His major is Home Appliance
Repair."
Mulder nodded, thinking. "There's a lot of call for
those sorts of skills these days. At least, Sally Struthers
seems to think so."
Scully nodded, allowing a small smile .
"You're good..." said Mulder, a grin on his face,
remembering all the information she had acquired.
Scully bowed. "I try. Now, what's the problem with
the profile?"
"Well, I can't seem to understand why he does what he
does. I mean, he's not really getting anything out of it,
right?"
Scully shook her head. "No, but perhaps he doesn't
really have a reason. Maybe he just does it because he's
compelled to - like sex offenders or people who are
compulsive liars. He just can't stop himself."
Mulder looked at her thoughtfully. "You might be
right. You know, Scully, *I'm* the one with the degree in
Psychology, so why is it that you, a pathologist, have
finished this profile?"
Scully patted him on the shoulder. "Don't take it too
hard, Mulder. You'll probably get to use your degree one of
these days."
He smiled and took a deep breath. "What do you want to
do now?"
Scully rubbed the back of her neck, her eyes closed.
"I want to go home."
Mulder nodded and saved the profile, after adding
Scully's insightful comments, and got up as well. "Yeah,
that's enough for today. While you were in the lab I got a
call from Agent Beta. He wants to meet with us first thing
in the morning, so we had better be rested."
"Okay. 'Night, Mulder," said Scully as she headed for
the door.
"Hang on, Scully!" he called, making her stop short.
"Yes?"
"I'll walk with you," he said with a smile.
Scully smiled as well, and waited for Mulder to grab
his coat. Soon they were walking down the hallway. She
knew what was coming.
As they walked up the steps to the parking garage,
Mulder looked at her, and said, "Hey Scully, want to stop
for a bite to eat on the way?"
She chuckled. "Sure." She knew that in a few moments
he would suggest that they take one car - to save time and
gas - and somehow, he would end up spending the night on her
couch, after they had had coffee and watched a movie.
As they exited the building, Mulder said, "Why don't we
take one car, Scully? It'll-"
"Save time and gas," she finished for him.
He looked at her with a lopsided grin. "Right."
"Sounds great, Mulder. Let's take mine."
He agreed and soon they were pulling out of the garage.
As Scully turned onto the highway, he said, "You know,
there's a great old movie on the sci-fi channel tonight..."
Scully just smiled.
************
FBI Headquarters
Washington D.C.
Conference Room 1
8:00 am
Following day
Scully and Mulder once again sat alone in the
conference room waiting for Agent Beta to arrive. They had
brought along Mulder's profile, Scully's report on the
prints and trace evidence she had found, pictures of the
evidence, and a list of possible places that Vig might
frequent. They were anxious to get started.
After a few minutes, Beta wandered into the room,
holding what appeared to be a jelly donut and a Styrofoam
cup filled with coffee.
"Sorry again," he said, taking a bite of the donut.
Scully watched as a glob of jelly fell from the donut
onto the floor. "That's all right, Agent Beta. We haven't
been waiting very long. But we are ready to get going."
Mulder nodded in agreement. "That's right. If you'll
take a seat, we'll brief you on our findings."
Beta sat down heavily in one of the chairs and set his
cup down, taking another bite of the donut. "Okay, go
ahead."
"Well," said Scully. "I was able to lift a latent
print from one of the pieces of evidence you had collected,
and after running it through the system, I found that our
suspect's name is Don E. Vig. He also has one alias that he
uses infrequently: Vincent Hugh Stevens."
At her mention of the name, Beta's eyes narrowed.
"Vig? You're sure?"
Mulder leaned forward. "You know him?"
Beta immediately put the donut down, all thoughts of
eating having vanished. "Know him? I've been trailing him
for five years. But this didn't have his feel about it."
Beta turned to Mulder. "What does your profile say?"
Mulder looked down at the report in front of him, even
though he didn't need to. "I found that this suspect has
deep-seeded tendencies to rebel against all social mores and
norms. He has no respect for authority figures or
institutions, and I believe he has what some psychologists
call a 'Napoleon Complex.'"
"Which is?" asked Beta.
"Well, he sees himself as a small man - someone with no
power or control - so he pretends to be more than he is.
His eventual goal is to have all the power he desires. And
he will stop at nothing to get it." Mulder stopped for
emphasis. "I did, however, have some problems in trying to
find an MO for him, because the crime he commits over and
over again, will never bring him the power he wants. It's
not like someone who sells drugs or guns. He gets no money
from what he does. He gains nothing."
Beta seemed to deflate before them. "So, you weren't
able to divine a motive?"
Mulder looked at Scully, then, smiling slightly.
"Well, I discussed it with Agent Scully, and she suggested
that perhaps Vig cannot stop himself from doing this. Maybe
he is simply compelled to commit this offense because of
some sort of bipolar disorder, or simply because he wants to
do so. That is the motivation."
Beta nodded and leaned back in his chair. "I see.
That does sound like the Vig I know. I thought he was out
of the country, running an operation down in South America,
but apparently he has returned. I should have known this
was him." He looked to Scully. "Did you find out anything
else about him? Where he is now? What he's doing?"
Scully leaned forward, placing her arms on the table.
"Yes, I did. Through my investigations, I found that he is
working at a local Blockbuster and going to night classes at
a community college."
"All right then, we'll have to set up a stake-out and
try to catch him red-handed. There's no other way. He's
too smart for anything else. The only thing we have going
for us is that it appears that he has gotten careless. If
he was relaxed enough to come back to the states, and D.C.
in particular, maybe he's gotten sloppy as well."
Mulder nodded. "Sounds good to me. You'll have to
request a partner for your shifts."
Beta shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee. "No
way. I don't want some green agent with me on this. I'll
do my shifts alone. When Vig goes down, I want to be there
to watch him fall."
Mulder shrugged, and began to collect all of their
papers together. "Suit yourself. When do you want to
start?"
"Tonight at seven, sharp. There's no sense going there
during the day if he's working, right?"
"Right," said Scully. "Would you like us to take the
first shift, Agent Beta?"
"Okay. I'll come to relieve you at 1 am."
Mulder and Scully nodded to him and left the room.
************
Outside the residence of Don E. Vig
Downtown Washington D.C.
12:45 am
"He hasn't even gone near it all night, Mulder. Maybe
he knows we're here," said Scully, taking the binoculars
away from her eyes.
Mulder took another sip of his iced-tea and shook his
head. "No, he doesn't know about us. He's just being
careful, like Beta said. Dirt like him is usually pretty
smart as well. I believe that was in my profile." He smiled
at her.
She grinned. "Yeah, the *one* part you actually
wrote."
"Ha ha, funny," he said, glancing up at Vig's window.
He noticed that the lights that had been on all night had
suddenly gone off, except for one small dim one. "Hey
Scully, take another look."
She did so, and all was silent for a few moments.
Finally, she sighed. "He's just watching TV."
Mulder sighed, and rolled his head around, trying to
stretch the aching muscles in his neck. He had been
reminded tonight why he hated stake-outs. The only saving
grace was that Scully was with him, and they had spent most
of the night talking and joking with one another. She had
also informed him that all the junk food he ate would surely
put him in an early grave. He had told her that if a sewer
monster or Cancerman couldn't, he wasn't worried about a
candy bar and some potato chips.
Scully was just about to ask Mulder where he thought
Beta was, when someone knocked on her window. She turned to
the window, and saw Agent Beta standing outside. Opening
the door, she looked up at him.
"Lovely night, isn't it?" she asked.
He snorted. "Yeah, just great. I don't suppose you
two saw anything?"
Scully shook her head. "Nope. He was the picture of
civil obedience. The only thing he did that could be
considered criminal was when he watched 'Rush Limbaugh.'
Sorry, Beta."
Beta shrugged. "It's all right. We can't win them
all, right? Well, maybe he's waiting until he thinks it's
late enough. You never know. At any rate, you two can go
home now. Thanks a lot."
Scully was about to respond when Mulder tugged on her
sleeve. "Hey Scully, I think this is it! I think he's going
for it!" he said, looking through the binoculars.
Scully took the glasses from him, and looked up into
Vig's room.
In a flash she was out of the car. "Beta, this is it!
It's going down!"
Before Beta could say anything, Mulder and Scully were
running across the street and up to Vig's building, their
guns at the ready.
He followed them and soon they were all climbing the
stairs up to the fourth floor. They arrived at Vig's door -
Mulder and Scully on either side, Beta behind Mulder. After
a couple of glances between Mulder and Scully, Mulder
stepped in front of the door, his gun before him, and took a
deep breath. A second later, his foot connected with the
door, and he kicked it down.
They all rushed inside, screaming, "FBI!" at the top of
their lungs.
They definitely surprised one Don E. Vig who had been
sitting in front of his TV in a ratty armchair. He fell out
of the chair, and scrambled to a corner, covering his head
with his hands.
"Don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me!" he chanted over
and over again.
Beta sprinted over to him, holding the gun on at his
head. "Shut up, you slimeball!" he yelled. "I've got you
this time! Caught you with your hand in the cookie jar, huh?
You're going down for this one, Vig!"
Mulder and Scully had put their guns away, and walked
over to the TV, atop which sat two VCR's, one of which was
playing. On the TV, was the movie 'Swiss Family Robinson.'
Mulder pointed to the other VCR and Scully looked at
it, an expression of abhorrence on her face. "You have to
wonder about humankind sometimes, don't you? I mean, I knew
that this is what we would find, and I've read about it, but
seeing it is something completely different. I thought I
was prepared."
Mulder moved closer to her, placing a hand on her
shoulder. "You can't be prepared for it, Scully. I saw one
or two cases of it when I was in Violent Crimes - another
agent asked for our help on a few - and even after all this
time, I still don't understand it."
She nodded.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked gently.
"I'm fine, Mulder. Really."
He smiled at her and they walked over to where Beta was
handcuffing Vig. Beta glanced over at the TV and the VCR's.
"Good god," he said under his breath. Turning to Vig, he
said, "I just gotta know one thing, Vig."
Vig looked up at him through glassy eyes, his greasy
hair hanging in unkempt strands. "What's that?"
"Why'd you do it? What did you get from it?"
Vig shrugged. "I like the part where they race all the
animals, you know? The ostrich and the zebra, and the monkey
riding the dog? It just always made me feel good inside -
like all was right with the world - and I thought that other
people would want to feel good, too. I just couldn't help
it. I *had* to make sure that others could see this movie
and be helped from its wholesome family fun."
Beta looked at him, shaking his head. "You are one
sick bastard." Turning to Scully, he said, "Would you please
read him his rights?"
She nodded, glancing around Vig's apartment. It was
small and dirty, with a tiny kitchen and living room. Most
of the space was taken up with the big screen TV, and
videocassettes sat everywhere, stacked into piles. Some had
labels and some didn't. She looked at the two VCR's again,
as they went about their jobs. She and Mulder had left
everything as it was, so that all the evidence would be
preserved.
She looked back at Vig and opened up her small
notebook. "Don E. Vig, you are under arrest for breaking
Title 17, sections 501 and 506 of the United States
copyright laws. You unlawfully made successive copies of
the movie, 'Swiss Family Robinson' without obtaining proper
permission from the owner. You have the right to remain
silent, and you have the right to an attorney. If you
cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you. Do you
understand these rights as I have read them to you?"
Vig looked up at her, a pitiful expression on his face.
"But it was just one movie! Come on, is this the only thing
you guys have to do? You *are* FBI agents. Shouldn't you be
out busting crime rings or something?"
Mulder stepped forward. "You know, it's riff-raff like
you that are dragging this country down. Did you somehow
*miss* the FBI warning at the beginning of the tape? It
clearly stated the law."
"No, I didn't *miss* the warning," Vig sneered. "I
just thought that it was put there to scare people. I never
thought that the government actually paid people to enforce
it. I mean, when you think about it, it's pretty pathetic.
Besides, you can't catch everyone who breaks it."
Mulder shook his head. "No, no we can't. But I feel
that if we catch just one person, then that's one less
person who will do it again. One less person who wants to
turn this country into a bunch of bootlegging anarchists."
Vig shrugged as Beta pulled him to his feet. "Well, at
least I *believe* in something." He gestured to a pile of
tapes. "Maybe you should take one of these. I think that
race scene would do you a lot of good...."
With that, Beta had him out of the room. Mulder and
Scully took one more look around the apartment, but their
gazes once again strayed to the two VCR's. On one, the
green PLAY light was on, and on the other, the red and green
lights of RECORD.
They both looked at the TV and found that the `race
scene' was about to start. They were about to turn back and
watch, so mesmerizing was it, when Beta called to them from
the hallway.
They sighed in disappointment and walked out of the
small apartment. "Yes, Agent Beta?" asked Mulder when they
had reached him.
Beta reached out and shook both of their hands in turn.
"I just wanted to thank you both. You don't know what this
means to me. I've been after Vig for the longest time.
He's one of the big players. I really appreciate your
help."
Mulder and Scully smiled, liking the feel of being
appreciated. They were about to turn and walk away, when
Beta stopped them.
"Hey, I just two new cases. I'm going to take a
little vacation to celebrate Vig's capture, and I thought
you might be interested. "
They stopped and looked at each other. "What cases are
those?" asked Scully.
"The first was filed by the *Sealy Posturpedic
Corporation*," said Beta, a smile on his lips, "and the
other was filed by *Conair"." He knew he had them hooked.
Mulder and Scully shared another look.
"I hate people that do that," said Scully, her eyes on
fire.
"Me, too," said Mulder. "After all, it clearly says
not to rip the tag off, or face penalty of law."
Scully nodded. "And *Conair* really has a reason. If
you rip the tags off of hairdryers, you'd never know not to
use it in the shower, or when you're asleep. We can't take
the chance of people buying those with no warnings. Let's
bag these losers."
Mulder grinned at her. "You got it."
They walked back to Agent Beta. "We'll take them."
THE END
PBenjanim
end.
Bluebird
Parateam
The second story I've read thus far, and it's also fabulous! Very funny,
Amy. You got more???
Kay
lhada...@gmail.com
- H. Y.