Verb Tense
Kipler
There've been an epidemic of stories posted lately in which the author's
confusing the tense of the verbs. For a few sentences, the story is in the
present. Then, for another few sentences, it's in the past. This is VERY
disconcerting for the reader! Here's an example:
<< Mulder walked out to his car. He picked up the cell phone and tried to call
Scully. No answer. (PAST tense, see?)
Now he's really annoyed. She knows he is going to call her. Why won't she
pick up her phone? (PRESENT tense, see?)
Scully didn't know Mulder was trying to call her, because she'd been kidnapped
by a survivalist cult. (PAST) She is very scared! (PRESENT) >>
To me, mixing the tenses is akin to... er... going to the prom in your dirty
underwear. Keeping a story in one tense is among the most basic
responsibilities of an author. Tense-switching just makes me want to shut the
whole thing down, because it shows that the author didn't take the time to
proof, or perhaps that the author doesn't understand that she's violating her
reader's internal quantum physics rules by making them time travel back and
forth back and forth, so random and queasy-making, as they read the story!
--Kipler, feeling a bout of curmudgeonliness, for old time's sake... and who,
by the way, had a groovy dream the other night than when Mulder and Scully were
reunited after a long separation, Mulder was sporting long hair and a beard,
sort of like Jesus, and looked quite delicious, except that CC promptly killed
him off by having him walk drunk onto the highway... and who woke up thinking,
"Was that possibly an even worse ending than the real one?" Still undecided.
SamPiper
>Why won't she pick up her phone?
That kind of throwaway line irritates the crap out of me anyway, regardless of
it's changing tense.
Unless it's being told in the first person, where you are supposed to be
hearing a characters thoughts as if they are telling you the story, those lines
just don't belong. It's a speed bump to me, and a particularly jarring one.
I catch myself doing it from time to time and it pisses me off.
Sam
E Pluribus e Moose-us
Kipler
typed "there've been a number" or something, and then switched to epidemic.
It's hard being a grammar maven.
Yes, Sam, you are right. Those throwaway lines suck, too. I think I
subconsciously wrote suckily while changing the tense - or maybe it's
impossible not to.
PLUS! Those weird lines where you're totally in the mind of the character or
something... and then POOF, you're hearing the omniscient narrator all of a
sudden:
<She could feel the cold marble of the countertop pressing against her cheek as
Krycek pushed her down. How hard would he have to push to break a blood
vessel, she wondered - to leave a mark? The owner of the store had imported
the marble from Venice. It didn't make sense, she knew - she had no reason -
but she had always assumed Krycek was gay. She'd have to rethink the
hypothesis.>
--Kipler
Shannon Noelle
> << Mulder walked out to his car. He picked up the cell phone and tried to
call
> Scully. No answer. (PAST tense, see?)
And while we're at it, can we get past/passed right?
Scully passed Mulder a pair of latex gloves.
Skinner passed right by Krycek and didn't see him.
Mulder and Scully met in the past.
Krycek has a checkered past.
Kersh tried to make up for some of his past actions by helping Mulder
escape.
I cannot count the number of times I've seen these done wrong, and it seems
to be a fairly recent development. I don't remember seeing this error back
in the Old Days. Now, people are talking about "events in the passed" all
the damn time.
Also, hi, Kipler! Nice to see you around. <g>
Shannon
SamPiper
>And while we're at it, can we get past/passed right?
Only if we can add "payed" to the pile. It's "PAID", damnit! I can't tell you
the number of reasonably intelligent, college educated people I catch doing
that lately. WTF? Ignorance by osmosis?
TedFan
answer those nasty grammar questions. The "little book" is THE classic
reference tool for writers.
Shannon Noelle
Well, yeah. I have a copy on my desk at home and one on my desk at work (I'm
an editor by trade).
But ... we're not the ones making the errors. You're preachin' to the choir
here. <g>
Shannon
Kipler
"The Elements of Phyle." <g>
http://members.aol.com/kipler/grammar.html
Tasha
years. Forget beta'ing or even proofreading, it's as if people hit
"send" before they even read through their work.
Lara Means
I've seen it, too, and it does seem to be happening with more
frequency these days.
Authors, I understand getting caught up in the rush of finishing a
story -- but please, do yourselves and your readers a favor and put
the story away for a few days. Then get it out and read it, then give
it to a couple of trusted beta readers. Revise, then put it away
again. Give it to your betas one more time. One more revision, then
run Spell-Check. THEN you can send it out.
I can hear the multitudes saying, "But that's too much *work*! I do
this for *fun*!" That's fine. If you don't want to put forth the
effort to make your story the best it can be, that's your choice.
Just remember that there are a bunch of us who will open a story, read
until we get to the second or third really simple mistake (or misteak,
if you prefer), then close it and hit "delete." We don't hit the
"rec" button at Ephemeral, we don't send feedback, and we don't seek
out your next story. We know *you* don't care about your writing, so
why should we?
Grumpily,
Lara Means
----------
"Here's a tip: aluminum foil makes a lovely hat, and it blocks out the
government's mind-control rays."
- Det. John Munch
Written by Lara Means: my stories - http://larameansxf.tripod.com
XFMU: seasons 8 & 9 - http://xfmufic.tripod.com
SamPiper
>Just remember that there are a bunch of us who will open a story, read
>until we get to the second or third really simple mistake (or misteak,
>if you prefer), then close it and hit "delete." We don't hit the
>"rec" button at Ephemeral, we don't send feedback, and we don't seek
>out your next story. We know *you* don't care about your writing, so
>why should we?
>
>Grumpily,
>Lara Means
I think we should all have that printed off in bright red 24 point font and
tapped over the computer.
My problem is pissing my betas off and they go MIA on me :-)
Kipler
Hey, then they're just not ready for the big leagues. <g>
I did writers' workshops for a while, when I was doing some "real" writing.
For the first couple times someone told me what was wrong with my piece, it
stung. But after that, it got to be just a very practical thing: I got to hear
what was glaringly obvious to others, but impossible for me to see because I
was too close to the writing process. It saved me loads of time - the "cooling
off" period that let me finally be objective - but served the same purpose.
I guess it just takes a couple go-throughs to get the callouses you need!
--Kipler
Tasha
> tapped over the computer.
>
> My problem is pissing my betas off and they go MIA on me :-)
>
> Sam
> E Pluribus e Moose-us
Don't be so sure your betas are pissed, since there are other
explanations. Beta-reading is hard work and people may take on the
task and then find that they don't have the time. Most betas come
and go. Especially in a dwindling fandom like ours <sniff>, beta
drop-out is going to be a fact of life.
pam
> Authors, I understand getting caught up in the rush of finishing a
> story -- but please, do yourselves and your readers a favor and put
> the story away for a few days. Then get it out and read it, then give
> it to a couple of trusted beta readers. Revise, then put it away
> again. Give it to your betas one more time. One more revision,
> then run Spell-Check. THEN you can send it out.
But what about when the author profusely thanks her many betas
in her headers, but the beta'd stories are STILL full of errors?
<sigh>
pam
> PLUS! Those weird lines where you're totally in the mind of
> the character or something... and then POOF, you're hearing
> the omniscient narrator all of a sudden:
Or when characters talk about themselves as if they were other
characters *looking* at themselves. As in:
Mulder ran his fingers through my titian hair and stared
deeply into my cerulean blue eyes. He thought the freckles
on my nose looked just like his favorite constellations in
the starry night sky. His gaze rested on my strawberry-red
lips and he wondered how they would feel around his ...
SamPiper
>But what about when the author profusely thanks her many betas
>in her headers, but the beta'd stories are STILL full of errors?
You mean like the one who everytime she posts I have to sit on my hands and not
lay into her how much she truly "SUCKS! Stop posting, you're not a fine wine
and aren't improving with age!!"
Ooo ... Bad Sam.
SamPiper
>Hey, then they're just not ready for the big leagues. <g>
Oh, my one was/is excellent ... but I got a comment about "Less talky talk,
more action" and I was stumped ... did a revision and never heard back.
I think the evil feds got her. Haven't heard from her since April.
dryad
> --Kipler, feeling a bout of curmudgeonliness, for old time's sake... and who,
> by the way, had a groovy dream the other night than when Mulder and Scully were
> reunited after a long separation, Mulder was sporting long hair and a beard,
> sort of like Jesus, and looked quite delicious, except that CC promptly killed
> him off by having him walk drunk onto the highway... and who woke up thinking,
> "Was that possibly an even worse ending than the real one?" Still undecided.
Heh. I've had a few dreams with the both of them, myself.
And no worries about being curmudgeonly, I don't wait for tenses to
improve, I just stop reading.
Dryad, wondering if her sig will show up in this post
dryad
> Mulder ran his fingers through my titian hair and stared
> deeply into my cerulean blue eyes. He thought the freckles
> on my nose looked just like his favorite constellations in
> the starry night sky. His gaze rested on my strawberry-red
> lips and he wondered how they would feel around his ...
My eyes!
Dryad
dryad
> My problem is pissing my betas off and they go MIA on me :-)
Um...
:x
Dryad
SamPiper
>Dryad, wondering if her sig will show up in this post
>
nope ;-)
SamPiper
>> My problem is pissing my betas off and they go MIA on me :-)
>
>Um...
>
>:x
uh huh. :-D
Of course, it's never a big deal since I'm generally brainlocked when I send
something (which is why I send it to be checked in the first place -- often
times beta comments get me back in a groove) which is why I don't start
pestering. That and I know my betas actually HAVE real lives.
pam
> From: pam fakea...@mindspring.com
> > But what about when the author profusely thanks her many betas
> > in her headers, but the beta'd stories are STILL full of errors?
>
> You mean like the one who everytime she posts I have to sit on
> my hands and not lay into her how much she truly "SUCKS! Stop
> posting, you're not a fine wine and aren't improving with age!!"
Only one?
O;-)
> Ooo ... Bad Sam.
;-D Though I actually wasn't thinking of really *bad* stories
-- just stories rife with technical errors that you would think
any beta with a functioning brain would have caught. (Or even
just a functioning spellchecker.) And yet the errors remain,
despite the author's thanking her many wonderful betas for all
their fabulous help. Are these betas recruited from remedial
Hooked on Phonics classes or what???
pam
No no no -- you're supposed to describe your own eyes the
way someone *else* looking at you would see them. As in,
"My warm brown eyes!" Or, "My hazel eyes flecked with gold!"
;o)
SamPiper
>Only one?
Actually, there is a trinity that made my "My GOD! Blackholes don't suck as
badly as you do" list .. but only one of them is so awful she makes me want to
consider enlisting a hitman because she makes the rest of us look bad. Bad
just doesn't do her justice. The other two ... *cringe*.
One writes like the characters are still 15yos and should be popping bubble gum
every five seconds or at least until she can get them into truly awful sex
scenes and the other is just boring. They only compound the issue with the
horrific spelling/grammer mistakes ... and I think they beta for each other.
Leslie
That would be "grammar." <eg>
Leslie
Leslie
Emily (2/4/91)
Jake (1/27/94)
Teddy (2/15/95)
William (3/5/01 -- VBA3C, 13 lbs. 5 oz.)
and Lorelei, expected 11/2/04
"Children come trailing clouds of glory from God, which is their home."
~ William Wordsworth
SamPiper
>>grammer
>
>That would be "grammar." <eg>
Yes, it would.
:-P
I've been troll baiting for two days .. I think it's starting to rub off.
Anyone remember where we keep the Die! Troll Die! can?
Shannon Noelle
> Anyone remember where we keep the Die! Troll Die! can?
>
> Sam
> E Pluribus e Moose-us
*perks* I don't have any Die! Troll Die! handy, but I *do* have a sockpuppet
sitting on my desk that's named "Die Smiley." Does that help? :)
Shannon
SamPiper
>*perks* I don't have any Die! Troll Die! handy, but I *do* have a sockpuppet
>sitting on my desk that's named "Die Smiley." Does that help? :)
Made me laugh anyway :-)