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Ranking All 27 Seasons of The Real World
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TMC
Mar 27, 2013, 2:00:01 AM3/27/13
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http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html
There have been 27 seasons of MTV's The Real World, with number 28’s
Portland season debuting tomorrow night: In a superhuman
accomplishment that my future grandchildren will surely idolize me
for, I have somehow watched them all. Somehow this show has stuck with
me longer than all of my friendships. It's almost as old (in years,
not seasons) as my youngest sibling. What began as something that
could at least pass the laugh test as a social experiment has evolved
(devolved — let's be honest) to something that is both a relic and
emblematic of MTV's binge-drink/hookup/fight wheelhouse. Still, I've
found something fascinating in almost every season, watching
twentysomethings barely formed as human beings thrown together and
left to bounce off one another and approximate social behavior.
So, after 27 seasons, which one ranks the very best? The very worst?
And everywhere in between? Time to get crazy, everybody. Or is it just
time to get real?
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=1x00028
27. Denver (Season 18; Aired 2006–2007)
I said I've watched every season of The Real World, and I meant it.
But there was one season that was bad enough that it drove me to the
unthinkable: I abandoned it partway through. The subsequent season
(Sydney, which we’ll get to) pulled me back, but ugh: Denver. It
wasn't just the unlikable cast — I'd certainly weathered those before
and since — it was how boringly terrible they were. Even the most
loathsome casts (Miami, Hawaii, Austin, for Pete's sake) build
friendships, animosities, some kind of compelling reason to watch them
be terrible. The Denver cast members felt like they barely ever met
each other. The Colie-Alex-Jenn "triangle" was barely interesting
enough to them. Musclebound gay dude Davis used the N-word in an
argument with Tyrie and it still managed to be a nonevent.
MVP: Brooke, because if the cast wasn't going to deliver anything in
the way of interpersonal narratives, at least Brooke was there to be
legitimately crazy and make faces like this.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=2x00027
26. Philadelphia (Season 15; Aired 2004–2005)
This season broke from tradition by featuring not one but two gay male
cast members. (It can't be a quota if there are two!) Willie was out
from the break but turned out to be a twinky little snooze. Karamo was
supposed to be the groundbreaker: a hulking black guy, atypical for
the series' classic depiction of gayness. But his semi-closeted nature
kept him from revealing too much, and he never really came out of his
shell. And nobody else was there to fill the interesting-roomie
vacuum.
MVP: The problem is that there wasn't one. Everybody fit into the
classic types: Landon and Shavonda were the tempestuous couple; Sarah
likably promiscuous; MJ the boring straight white male. Really, you
have to give MVP to Melanie, as aloof and sour as she was, who ended
up hating all of her roommates and then got scabies. I know you're
incredibly surprised that the season that prominently featured scabies
is ranking so low.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=3x00026
25. Hollywood (Season 20; Aired 2008)
The black cloud that hangs over this season existed even before
alumnus Joey Kovar died of a drug overdose in 2012. The ostensible
"theme" of this season was that these cast members were ambitious to
Make It in showbiz, but none of their hopes and dreams distinguished
themselves from 70 percent of all Real World cast members. Brianna
wanted to be a singer. Sarah wanted to be a ... reporter? Maybe? We
did get one differentiating wrinkle, as the focus on social-climbing
allowed the show to be open about the incestuous network of Real World
alumni hovering about in L.A. Will dated Janelle from the Key West
cast as a sort of nod toward upward scenester mobility, which was sad
but also fascinating from an anthropological perspective. Joey's drug
problems and the house's general rejection of vain problem child Greg
(the series' first-ever cast member elected by the fans) led to their
exits and two comparatively boring replacements.
MVP: Former American Idol auditioner Brianna seemed like she'd be the
most fun hang; Greg caused the most conflict; womanizing D.J. Will and
good-girl striver Sarah drove the most story, but the former was dead
behind the eyes and the latter a complainer; Joey is the natural
answer, but it feels ghoulish to revel in his intoxicated behavior
(violent/aggressive intoxicated, not fun/goofy intoxicated)
considering what happened to him. Let's pull a baseball hall of fame
here and say no one wins.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=4x00025
24. Key West (Season 17; Aired 2006)
When beginning this project, I made a self-imposed ruling that
Challenge participation must have no influence on these rankings. But
here’s where it faces its toughest test. Key West alumni Paula, Tyler,
and Johnny Bananas went on to become horrifying/fantastic presences on
the Challenge, while Svetlana's sole Challenge appearance saw her
reach the finals despite no obvious athletic prowess. Unfortunately,
their original appearances on this season were pretty unpleasant. The
season was dominated by Svetlana's repetitive Russian princess
routine, which would constantly flare up and annoy her castmates, who
were some of the franchise’s more forgettable (Jose? Janelle? Zach?).
Paula's situation was slightly more problematic, as she underwent a
season-long breakdown that had most certainly begun well before she
was cast. The specific alchemy for enjoying The Real World has always
included watching messed-up people act out their damage, but with
Paula, you felt like you were watching something ... clinical?
MVP: I'll get pelted with rotten fruit for this, but: Tyler. He was a
nightmare of a person, a catty gay who would kiki with Svetlana and
then turn on her viciously. But without the Tyler element, the season
would have been been 27 weeks of fratty Johnny poking at high-
maintenance Svetlana, like some kind of terrible supersize sitcom.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=5x00024
23. Cancun (Season 22; Aired 2009)
Cancun felt like even more of a valley wedged in between two seasons
(Brooklyn and D.C.) that had more on their minds than simple drunken
partying. For as much grief as the first Las Vegas season gets for
plunging the series into "The Binge-Drinking Hookup World" territory,
Cancun was the season where that template hit its low point.
Presumably by design. You don't set a season in Cancun in the
springtime and have the kids work at Student City if you're not
looking to make a season-long Spring Break Gone Wild. And so it was,
with the odd character beat or serious social issue (Ayiiia's self-
harm; C.J.'s LOL-worthy NFL tryout) drowned out by partying, girl-on-
girl hookups, and a guest-starring stint that launched LMFAO into our
collective consciousness. And despite a lot of really extreme
behavior, particularly from the near-sociopathic Joey, none of the
eight roommates was the least bit memorable. Months later, MTV would
premiere Jersey Shore, rendering this season even more irrelevant.
MVP: Derek, more by process of elimination than anything else. As a
gay guy, I have to admit to crossing my fingers every season in
anticipation of whatever nightmare representative of my people MTV is
offering up. (To be fair, MTV offers up nightmare representatives of
everyone's people, but I do get defensive). Anyway, Derek was one of
the more relatively drama-free gay dudes in the history of the show,
which didn't make him the most compelling but definitely the most
likable.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=6x00023
22. Austin (Season 16; Aired 2005)
Very possibly the least likable cast in show history. At best, you
could just tolerate low-level irritants like Rachel (Iraq War vet with
a chip on her shoulder) and Nehemiah (would-be smooth operator with a
chip on his shoulder). At worst, you had the insufferable Wes, who was
seemingly created in a research lab beneath the lacrosse frat at
Arizona State to be the most infuriatingly obnoxious person in
history. The Austin season really drew an arrow to the fact that, at
this point in the series, The Real World had abandoned the concept of
tailoring their seasons to their locations. Gone were the days that
the casts were a mix of locals and transplants, exploring the
eccentricities of their host city: What a cool change of pace it
might've been to cast people here who represented the Austin/hipster/
SXSW ethos. But no, we got the usual malcontents and sorority/frat
children, with blue-collar Masshole Danny and flirty blonde Melinda
swallowing up the season with their remarkably boring courtship.
Including his non-relationship stuff as well, a good 90 percent of the
drama this season was Danny-focused, as he got seriously injured in a
bar fight and then weeks later learned of his mother's death.
Unfortunately, Danny wasn't at all sympathetic when he wasn’t
suffering, which muted any possible emotional connection for the
viewers.
MVP: You'd think it would be Lacey, who provided season-long side-eye
at everything her jerk roommates ever did, but she was pretty much a
pill, too. I have a feeling Melinda would have been a pretty
compelling character if not for the Danny vortex.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=7x00022
21. New Orleans II (Season 24; Aired 2010)
Ooof. This was an unpleasant season, without a ton to invest in. The
dominant story line was that of Ryan, the 21-year-old hairstylist
whose vehement denial of his own gayness was only one of the dozens of
conflicts he had with his roommates. In keeping with the trends of the
last several seasons, Ryan's behavior trended uncomfortably close to
the psychiatrically diagnosable line, which certainly takes some of
the fun out of watching a character that the show's producers clearly
wanted to turn into the next Puck. Ryan's oxygen-sucking
monopolization of the season — there doesn't seem to be much to talk
about after you get to the part where Preston (the out gay guy who
constantly clashed with Ryan) got so angry he peed on Ryan’s
toothbrush — didn't leave much room for anybody else. You had the
white-trash romance between recovering-addict Knight and abuse-
survivor Jemmye, which only went to prove that late-seasons Real World
could turn any personal trauma into an excuse for drunken hookups. You
had McKenzie, the blackout drunk, who ... (there is no end to that
sentence). You had a lot of low-liers who are really hard to remember
today (Ashlee? Eric? Sahar?).
MVP: Ryan was basically the only contender this season, but if you're
looking for someone to like the best, it was actually Jemmye. Beneath
that Deep South accent and co-dependent-in-training relationship with
Knight, she was quite open and empathetic.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=8x00002
20. St. Thomas (Season 27; Aired 2012)
The most recent season (and fifth to take place outside the United
States) threatened to take up right where Cancun left off, as a
glorified booze cruise on land. And in many ways, it was. Eventually,
the interpersonal intrigue of damaged, drunk, and/or secretly rageful
persons reaches a point of diminishing returns. For a while, the
relationship between doormatty Laura and wolf-in-sheep's-clothing Trey
was captivating on an elemental level. Who wouldn't get into the drama
of warning this girl away from a bad-boyfriend scenario? Similarly, ex-
addict Brandon's arc — wherein he essentially goes through the reverse
of every addiction/recovery arc you've ever seen, ultimately debunking
the idea that he shouldn't take drink or take drugs — is dark but
somewhat novel. What ultimately makes this season a notch better than
Cancun or Philadelphia is that enough of the roommates seem like
recognizable human beings. Marie may be a blackout drunk, but she's
the blackout drunk you went to high school with. LaToya and Swift are
immature and argumentative, but not so far gone that you can't relate
a small bit. That's all we're asking from The Real World at this
point, for some sliver of recognizability in these party monsters.
MVP: Marie was loud, crude, and looked and behaved like Ke$ha, but
there was a hard edge to her that felt genuine, and she managed to
slice and dice her roommates' actions quite effectively.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=9x00003
19. San Diego (Season 14; Aired 2004)
It is incredibly strange/uncomfortable to talk about the first San
Diego season in retrospect for two unavoidable and intertwined
reasons: (1) Frankie was unquestionably the most irritating cast
member, overly defensive and paranoid and condescending and "too punk
rock" to stay in the house for a full season; and (2) Frankie has
since passed away from cystic fibrosis. There's no getting around
either halves of the Frankie Conundrum. It feels terrible to speak ill
of the dead, yet speaking ill of Frankie is basically the only reason
to talk about the San Diego season. Well, okay, we could talk about
how the postshow film and television success of Jamie Chung puts her
right up there with London's Jacinda Barrett in terms of postshow
acting success … (but Jamie a virtual nonentity in San Diego. The
other train wreck of the S.D. season, Robin, is probably best viewed
through the lens of her Challenge appearances, where each season would
bring either sober, endearing Robin or drunk, nightmare Robin, and it
was almost impossible to predict which was coming. But in San Diego,
she was in total nightmare mode throughout. The Brad/Cameran
"relationship" was a pale, pale facsimile of similar housemate
romances, and ... see? See how desperate I am not to talk about
Frankie? I'm talking about Brad and Cameran.
MVP: Randy, one of the more purely likable stoner-goofs ever to appear
on the show.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=10x00004
18. Chicago (Season 11; Aired 2002)
Given the way that earlier seasons of The Real World were plugged into
the world and times around them, you might've expected the season
being filmed on and after 9/11 to have been colored some by the
events. But that moment — the cast getting a rare at-home TV set to
watch the coverage — was but a blip on the season-long radar. The real
story of this season was how many people seemingly were not interested
in being on The Real World in any genuine way. Gay model Chris began
as closed-off and protective of his image and stayed that way
throughout. Kyle was the straight white male who was at the center of
most of the season's story lines, but he was very clearly interested
in only presenting a highly pruned version of himself, even while
stringing along highly string-along-able Keri. (Kyle went on to co-
star on Days of Our Lives for a couple years and is probably in my top
five of most loathed Real Worlders.) The two least closed-off members
were Aneesa and Tonya, the former an exhibitionist lesbian given to
all sorts of dramatics, the latter a budding sociopath and former
foster kid who hated basically everything and everyone.
MVP: Cara shared Sarah Jessica Parker's early-seasons-SATC hair, which
is maybe why her man-hopping has always held Carrie Bradshaw–like
undertones to me. But she made a decent case for serial dating without
ugly labels like "promiscuous." She had no interest in playing the
virgin or the whore, and I liked that.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=11x00005
17. Paris (Season 13; Aired 2003)
Not a season for everybody's tastes, and the one reason why many
people would like it — the television debut of Challenge beast C.T. —
is pretty far down on my list. I just enjoyed everybody in the cast
except him. Even Ace, an Eddie Haskell type straight out of Georgia
who used his boyish charm to wrap all the girls around his finger.
Even Adam, with his cringe-inducing confessional poetics. Even Leah
and her Long Island Princess routine. I honestly could not tell you
what they did while in Paris, except that they maybe worked for a tour-
book company and that CT got drunk one night and threatened to beat up
Adam for being a pussy. That's really about it. For all his Challenge
infamy, CT's stint in Paris consisted mostly of him being hectored by
the girls for nonspecific bad behavior.
MVP: It would be pretty unfair for me to say Simon simply because he
was the most attractive and relatively together gay guy they have ever
put on a Real World show. Every season, there's one cast member who
decides he or she is over it and spends the bulk of the time away from
the roommates — seeing the city, making friends, starting side
relationships. These are almost always the best people but the worst
TV. Simon was all that plus cute and Irish, and okay fine, it's Ace.
The MVP is Ace.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=12x00006
16. Las Vegas II (Season 25; Aired 2011)
By this point in the series run, the casting of damaged personalities
was more the rule than the exception. It may not make you feel good to
watch twentysomethings work out deep-seated emotional issues in the
most unsafe environment possible — but you never know when they'll do
something crazy/watchable! The participation of ex-juvie resident
Adam, who exhibited overtly aggressive/violent tendencies when drunk,
felt more dangerous than anything should be on this show. He was
bounced in episode six (you wonder if the producers had any
expectation that he would last the whole season), at which point the
bulk of the season's drama was shifted to Dustin's gay-for-pay
pornography past. As trashy as it was in concept, the Dustin story
line was honestly pretty compelling, offering the first truly new
twist on the show's recurring conversation about homophobia in many,
many years. By this point, acceptance of gay cast mates was pretty
normalized, but watching the roommates wrestle with feelings of shock/
revulsion/betrayal over Dustin's past was, while dismaying,
undoubtedly "real." All of a sudden, these kids raised on vague
notions of "acceptance" of desexualized portrayals of gayness on TV
were confronted with the real thing. Seeing ostensible "good guy" Mike
make the spiteful argument that Dustin should not be allowed inside a
school to talk to children was probably the most radical piece of
social commentary The Real World had aired since Pedro Zamora days.
MVP: Dustin, easily. Not necessarily the most likable, but a
surprisingly satisfying onion once you got to peeling away those
layers.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=13x00007
15. Sydney (Season 19; Aired 2007–2008)
Denver drove me away from the series, but Sydney pulled me back.
Sometimes a good feud can drive a whole season (Pedro vs. Puck being
the best example), and while Tricia and Parisa's battles never quite
evolved far past the "I don't like you and your stupid face" level,
sometimes that's all it takes, isn't it? Tricia was a shallow, petty
Mean Girl. Parisa was a superior know-it-all. The house took turns
taking sides, often ending up in the "neither" camp, and Tricia's
ultimate ouster was oh-so-satisfying. The nice thing about Sydney was
that beyond that central conflict lay some real characters. Dunbar's
impotent rage was at once unsettling and hilarious (though, seriously,
that man will murder someone someday, and we're all going to feel
awful about it). Isaac was a bizarre, likable stoner-type. Cohutta the
evolution of L.A. 1’s Jon Brennan (in this case, "evolution" is a
synonym for "now with abs"). Kellyanne and Shauvon ... were drunk
idiots, sure, but Kellyanne was kind of hilarious.
MVP: Parisa. Every season seems to have a humorless pill, and I
suppose Parisa fit that bill in Sydney. But Parisa managed to win me
over by basically voicing my armchair-roommate opinion on every
discussion/argument/fight that happened in the house. Sometimes you
just find a kindred spirit in the house who hates all the things about
the people on the show that you do.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=14x00008
14. San Diego II (Season 26; Aired 2011)
Of all the very recent Real Worlds, the second San Diego season was
the most compelling but also the most genuinely unsettling. The
volatile mix of personalities of Frank (recently out homosexual,
drinking problem, anger problem, narcissistic personality problem) and
Zach (regressively narrow-minded, anger problem, narcissistic
personality problem) was an ugly thing to watch, but it was also kind
of darkly fascinating to get a look at the increasingly rare breed of
homophobic twentysomethings in the MTV demographic. (This got even
weirder when Zach's small-mindedness was matched by blonde personality-
vacuum Ashley.) Then there was Sam — super androgynous, kind of
innocently enthusiastic, little-brother-in-a-girl package — who would
bounce off the two of these enemies at odd angles. Every week, I
expected a hate crime, and amid the usual drinking and yelling, I got
more confused about millennial attitudes toward masculinity and
sexuality. Second only to Hawaii in terms of the show's most
compelling car wrecks.
MVP: Sam. What a weird, wonderful little thing she was. Like all the
Justin Bieber lesbian jokes in the universe went out and took human
form as a butch girl with inexhaustible reserves of swagger.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=15x00009
13. Back to New York (Season 10; Aired 2001)
On balance, the second New York season was full of a lot of dull
characters. Malik was nice and handsome and didn't do a blessed thing.
Kevin was a cancer survivor and even struck up an early flirtation
with Lori, but he backed off quickly and then just acted like a low-
level dick to her. Rachel was wide-eyed in the big city and often felt
bullied by the other roommates, so that was something. Aspiring singer
Lori and makeup enthusiast Nicole each had their moments where their
idiosyncrasies would get on their roommates' nerves, but honestly, it
was pretty tame. The major saving grace that puts Back to New York on
this list is Mike and Coral. Mike and Coral are worth a lot. Mike and
Coral hated each other. His boastful, fratty (yet somehow open-
hearted?) ignorance; her hair-trigger temper and stubborn sense of
judgment. On a lesser show, they'd have fallen in love. Instead, they
sparred for the better part of a season before becoming the best of
friends.
MVP: It's a tough call, but despite Mike's Horatio Alger–like success
story, wherein four minutes of him goofing around with a WWE belt led
to his ascent to the heights of WWE stardom, I'm giving it to Coral.
Quick and cutting and always right. My kinda people.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=16x00010
12. Brooklyn (Season 21; Aired 2009)
After several seasons chasing increasingly shallow shenanigans, the
Brooklyn season (which featured eight strangers, not seven) managed to
be about something again. Enlisted Army man Ryan brought a dose of
reality and provided the kind of multifaceted character the series is
often lacking. Similarly, transgendered Katelynn was never quite so
easily lovable; she was argumentative and selfish and kind of dumb. It
made her a frustrating person to watch but also an understandable and
watchable character. The other roommates had their moments, though too
many of them — the princessy Devin, lunkheaded aspiring model Scott,
secret rage-monster JD, bow-tied uptight dandy Chet — quested for
shallow fame via MTV-engineered connections in a way that repelled any
kind of viewer empathy. Also, extra points for filming a stone’s throw
from my apartment, though I can see why that might not factor in your
final score.
MVP: Sarah certainly got the lion's share of attention, and the
intrigue surrounding her broken relationship with her father was worth
a conversation or two, but it's gotta be Ryan. It's too bad he
couldn't have been transplanted to an earlier season where his odd
personality would have been challenged and explored more by his
housemates.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=17x00011
11. D.C. (Season 23; Aired 2009–2010)
Churned out as a quick response to the postelection Obama era of good
feelings, the D.C. season was less concerned with politics as an end —
really, only bisexual-okay-I-mean-gay Mike had any kind of political
aspirations to speak of — but more about the general hope-stravaganza
that supposedly permeated the youth culture back then. This season
felt like it attained a classic mix of Real World characters. Ashley
the drama queen, Josh the too-cool womanizer, Ty the too-aggressive
egomaniac, Callie the sweet striver, Erika the secret crazy. Emily and
Ty's odd courtship took up a lot of air, especially in the early
episodes. Emily was a sporty, competitive girl, which made her
awesome, but it made the recurring aggression within her and Ty's
relationship hard to measure. Even more compelling was the panda-hat-
wearing Andrew, whose steadfast refusal to drop his goofball façade
and interact in any genuine way with his roommates was either
impressive (almost like he tried out for the show on a dare) or
unsettling (there were moments where something seriously dark was
lurking beneath).
MVP: The aforementioned Mike, who went through an endearingly retro
gay awakening that managed to showcase what a genuinely good kid he
was and also reminded viewers that just because popular culture has
considered the coming-out story old hat doesn't mean that kids aren't
still doing it every day.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=18x00012
10. Las Vegas (Season 12; Aired 2002–2003)
Well, here it is. The season where everything died. But on pure
landmark value, it deserves its top ten spot. As someone who has found
value in the hedonistic post-Vegas seasons, I don't hold as much
against it, though obviously one look at the rest of the top ten will
tell you where my loyalties lie. But Vegas had its moments. Trishelle
and Steven were three notches away from leaving Vegas to embark on a
Natural Born Killers–style white-trash crime spree to pay for the
child they thank God did not end up conceiving. Alton and Irulan were
one of those couples that hook up early on and end up isolating
themselves from everybody else all season while caught up in their own
drama, so that was no fun. Frank (the nice guy who always finished
last, until reemerging as a swinger when MTV reunited the cast several
years later) and Arissa (outwardly bitchy but misunderstood) were the
likable ones, depending on who you asked.
MVP: Brynn, quite improbably given what a sloppy mess she was in the
first episode. By the time it got to the part where she was throwing
forks at Steven (thus forcing him to defend himself to the other
roommates in the most obnoxious way possible), Brynn was a clear
favorite.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=19x00013
9. Miami (Season 5: Aired 1996)
Informal polls taken among friends and on social media have told me
that people who no longer watch The Real World stopped at one of three
easily identifiable exit ramps: Las Vegas, when the whole thing became
Elimidate; Hawaii (probably because of Matt and Kaia, but we'll get to
those monsters eventually); and Miami, which was the series’ first big
turning point: This was the first season everybody had to get a job
together. The aimlessness and isolating career paths of the London and
San Francisco kids proved to be too much for the Bunim-Murray cameras
to track, and they needed to get everybody up in each other's business
(no pun intended) much more frequently. This got off to a rocky start
with the Miami seven having to actually start a business from the
ground up. Because what could be more in the wheelhouse of fame-
seeking twentysomethings than shareholders' concerns and marketing
prospectuses? Terrible idea. Good idea: everything else this season.
Miami featured a threesome in the shower (Mike, Melissa, and
Unidentified Cocktail Waitress), wee Joe's giant Amazon of a
girlfriend, Dan and Melissa's epic stairwell freak-out (which, lest we
forget, was about Melissa opening an envelope that did not have her
name on it, "you stupid bitch!"), Cynthia uttering the first-ever
recorded instance of "I'm not here to make friends," and roller-
skating Sarah, the worst roommate in history, who brought home random
neighborhood children for no reason.
MVP: Flora, the true dawn of the modern reality TV star. She was
argumentative, dramatic, irrational, vain, a little funny, willing to
string multiple boyfriends along, and even more willing to climb
through a window to get a peek at the shower threesomes happening
therein.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=20x00014
8. New Orleans (Season 9; Aired 2000)
There was a lot of dead air in the season's second half, but it's
forgivable because there was so much else to recommend it. Honestly,
when your most boring character is a beautiful and likable blonde who
goes on to marry actor Scott Wolf, you've done a pretty good job
casting. Sure, there was himbo Jamie and quietly religious Matt, but
there was virtually no time to pay attention to them when you had
David laying down freestyle flows basically every other day. Who among
us can't hum a few bars of "Come on Be My Baby Tonight"? Julie the
skateboarding Mormon rebel was obviously a breakout character,
probably the most ideal candidate for the Sheltered Girl Learns Things
archetype since her season-one namesake. Similarly, angel-faced Danny
and his blurry-faced military boyfriend are as indelible as almost any
other gay story line in the series, short of Pedro.
MVP: Oh, Melissa. Such a cutup you were. The great part about Melissa
is that she could throw a week's worth of side-eye at David and make
you feel like she would absolutely be the person in the house you
would hang out with … and then turn right around and throw a chair and
dance atop a bar with dollar-bill pasties on her boobs and make you
immediately second-guess all your people-judging skills. Also, props
to her for exposing Julie for the rat that she was on one of the
Challenges.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=21x00015
7. London (Season 4; Aired 1995)
London got a lot of criticism for being boring. For episodes upon
episodes of aimless twentysomethings lounging about their Notting Hill
castle, picking up dog crap. In hindsight, the show is a complete
breath of fresh air. With the bar-hopping of the last decade's worth
of seasons having grown much more monotonous than the London sloth
ever was, watching these low-key roommates actually talk to and learn
about one another is almost thrilling. It's also one of the most
purely likable casts. At the time, Neil's Brit-punk superiority chafed
and race-car driver Mike's frat-boy routine grew wearisome, but pull
up an episode on Hulu and see how well-intentioned and relatable these
kids are. Jacinda probably comes closest to being objectionable —
she's kind of a bully, kind of a flake, decent prankster, though — but
there's a core of decency in this group that was rare even in the
early seasons.
MVP: Sharon. Wonderful, sweet, chatty-as-hell Sharon. She took a lot
of (usually good-hearted) grief from her roommates and responded with
a smile. She also nearly died of strep (or something) and had a really
beautiful singing voice and may well be the best human being to ever
be on this show.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=22x00016
6. Los Angeles (Season 2; Aired 1993)
Like in the first New Orleans season, things got relatively dull in
the second half of The Real World’s second season, when comedian David
and way-too-mature-for-this-and-finally-realized it-and-split sheriff
(CK) Irene were replaced with Perch frontman Glen and cleverly-T-
shirted lesbian Beth A. But such a first half! The entire David/Tami/
Beth yanked-bedspread affair that eventually got David booted managed
to be fascinating, provocative, and wildly entertaining (“IT WASN'T
NOT FUNNY!”), and is, deservedly, one of the most widely remembered
moments in show history. Everything in L.A. was ramped up from season
one, for better or worse. Jon Brennan clung to his roots tighter than
New York's Julie did. Aaron was more overtly himbo-ish than Eric Nies.
Tami was more confrontational. Dominic was more of a cool hipster.
Clearly, "types" were already beginning to coalesce.
MVP: Tami, without a doubt. Do you realize how much she got up to in
one season of television? She accused Jon of being a racist, was the
center of the storm that got David kicked out, had her jaw wired shut,
took classes at ITT Tech (!), went on the game show Studs, and worked
with AIDS patients until it got too hard to watch them die, which
would be too real for basically any cast post-1995. Most
significantly, she went through the process of getting an abortion, a
story line that seems unfathomable for an MTV reality show today.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=23x00017
5. Hawaii (Season 8; Aired 1999)
To find many people to like in the Hawaii season, you really have to
squint. You have to see past Ruthie's drinking problem to the messed-
up girl underneath who keeps making mistakes. You have to take Amaya's
drama and neediness with a grain of salt and see that she's just a
girl with a crush so powerful that she can’t act remotely cool about
it, and who among us hasn't been there? You have to tap into your
inner Marquise de Merteuil to understand Justin's dedication to
destroying all his roommates on their trip to India. Just don't ask me
to defend white-knight wannabe Matt and crunchy, frequently topless
poet Kaia, though. Smug and superior and the worst. The great thing
about Hawaii is that everybody is bad in really compelling ways. Well,
except for Teck. Not that much to unpack about a camera hog with
aspirations toward becoming an MTV VJ.
MVP: How about Colin, the fake-nerd who amiably hosted the casting
special, was "surprisingly" cast, showed up on move-in day with
fifteen extra pounds of muscle, and proceeded to emotionally abuse
Amaya for months. What happened there?
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=24x00018
4. Boston (Season 6; Aired 1997)
I couldn't quite place Boston as the greatest season, but I do think
it's my favorite. There are simply no dead spots in the cast. Sean
Duffy's post-house life as a conservative congressman from Wisconsin
can't fully diminish what a fun, gregarious party guy he was in the
house. Syrus was the womanizer you could enjoy without a ton of guilt.
Elka was a good-girl-gone-incrementally-less-good (she smoked!).
Kameelah was a shit-stirrer extraordinaire. Genesis was a giant ball
of drama: a lesbian who fell in love with a drag queen and plastered
the house with obnoxious "be better" quotes pointed at her roommates.
(Props to Genesis and Kameelah for this bracingly honest moment,
talking to kids about ingrained homophobia.) Even low-key spoken-word
poet Jason had that girlfriend (Timber!) who seemed a stiff breeze
away from a total breakdown at all times. That MTV had the bright idea
to have these guys work with children at an after-school program was a
terrible idea that didn't even prove all that necessary, what with the
characters they were working with. Then again ...
MVP: Montana. Without a doubt. If you were casting a Real World Hall
of Fame house, Montana would get in on the first ballot. You'd think
merely letting a grade-schooler steal a sip of wine while at work at a
daycare center and on camera would be enough. She also two-timed her
boyfriend and got screamed at (repeatedly) on the phone for her
trouble. ("WHORE!") None of that would have put her over the top,
though, if she wasn't simultaneously super fun and likeable. She
contained multitudes, our Montana. White and red and rosé.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=25x00019
3. New York (Season 1; Aired 1992)
You can't mess with the original. I will still mention Julie's "Do you
sell drugs?" faux pas to Heather every single time I see a beeper on
TV (on the History channel, mostly). Eric Nies was my first reality-TV
crush. Heather's "Could you get the phone?" in the opening credits
plays in my head on a constant loop. It's an old-hat observation, but
at this point, the show truly felt like an experiment, with young
people from vastly different corners of America thrust together to
make friends, but more important, to interact on an intensely personal
level. This cast — well, everybody but too-cool rock-band guy Andre,
I'd say — delivered that and set the template for sure. The only thing
holding it back is that the prototype would later be sharpened and
perfected on a couple of later seasons.
MVP: Julie, without a doubt. I don't think the series ever achieves
true liftoff without her onscreen. She mixed it up right from the get-
go — with Heather, regarding the beeper comment; with Kevin later in
their streetside "black people cannot be racist" fight — but was 100
percent genuinely eager to expand her horizons via this project. I
can't imagine one other cast member in the history of the show who
could go spend a night with a homeless friend and have it not come
across as self-serving.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=26x00020
2. Seattle (Season 7; Aired 1998)
Of the top two seasons, one feels more important, the other more
entertaining. This is the latter. Not that everything was fun,
exactly. The season's most indelible image — the emotionally
interesting Stephen, having just been outed, chases down the departing
Irene, opens her car door, and slaps her in the face — isn't one to
relish. But it was emblematic of the ultimate clash between privacy
(Irene retreating to hers; Stephen thrashing to retain the last shred
of his) and publicity that defined the season. The second most
indelible image was the highly emotional argument ("I LOVE YOU! IT
KILLS ME!") between David and his girlfriend, the recently fired Real
World producer Kira, in a car they thought was out of the way of
cameras. (Ah, the trusty mike packs.) Fun-time Lindsay had to deal
with the news of a friend's suicide, puncturing her bubble. Lot of
heavy stuff, but a lot of fun too. Lindsay and Janet and their
smokers' rasps were as enjoyable a pair of girlfriends as the show
ever had. Irene was genuinely funny, in a weird way, until her Lyme
disease/exit story line took over. David and Rebecca's quasi-courtship
was sweet. But man, that slap.
MVP: I refuse to give this to Stephen on principle; I still hold a bit
of a grudge against the other roommates for not kicking him out after
he hit Irene. So this goes to David, a bundle of odd affectations and
hard/soft contradictions, wrapped up in a Boston accent and the
sickest body. He loved hard, man. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=27x00021
1. San Francisco (Season 3; Aired 1994)
By the time the third season aired, the mere novelty of the "seven
strangers picked to live in a house, stop being polite, and start
getting real" concept had already begun to wane. The question of what
the show was going to do with that novelty was up next. The San
Francisco season set up two provocative story lines. One was
sociologically curious, seeing what happened when AIDS activist Pedro
and young Republican Rachel were thrown into a house together and left
to sort out their differences. The second was chaos-as-entertainment,
with bike messenger and snot rocketeer Puck wreaking havoc and setting
the template for all future I-gotta-be-me reality-TV troublemakers.
But then these stories smashed into each other: Puck flirted with and
tormented Rachel, while clashing with Pedro until the roommates
ultimately kicked him out. (The utter deliciousness of MTV intro-ing
that segment with Lisa Loeb's "Stay" is everything to love about The
Real World in one three-second music cue.) But while Puck became the
brand name for reality dickishness, Pedro's impact went much deeper.
For as much as AIDS awareness was everywhere in the early nineties,
the show gave most young viewers the closest experience they'd ever
had with an AIDS patient. Suddenly, that process of learning from
different types of people via close-quarters cohabitation was being
shared with the audience. This was The Real World in its most ideal
incarnation.
MVP: For all the Pedro-versus-Puck combativeness, the most fascinating
character was future two-time View co-host runner-up Rachel Campos.
She was so entrenched in her right-wing world at the beginning, and we
got to see her open up to people — to Pedro, to Judd, to meek little
Cory — without necessarily abandoning her politics.
There have been 27 seasons of MTV's The Real World, with number 28’s
Portland season debuting tomorrow night: In a superhuman
accomplishment that my future grandchildren will surely idolize me
for, I have somehow watched them all. Somehow this show has stuck with
me longer than all of my friendships. It's almost as old (in years,
not seasons) as my youngest sibling. What began as something that
could at least pass the laugh test as a social experiment has evolved
(devolved — let's be honest) to something that is both a relic and
emblematic of MTV's binge-drink/hookup/fight wheelhouse. Still, I've
found something fascinating in almost every season, watching
twentysomethings barely formed as human beings thrown together and
left to bounce off one another and approximate social behavior.
So, after 27 seasons, which one ranks the very best? The very worst?
And everywhere in between? Time to get crazy, everybody. Or is it just
time to get real?
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=1x00028
27. Denver (Season 18; Aired 2006–2007)
I said I've watched every season of The Real World, and I meant it.
But there was one season that was bad enough that it drove me to the
unthinkable: I abandoned it partway through. The subsequent season
(Sydney, which we’ll get to) pulled me back, but ugh: Denver. It
wasn't just the unlikable cast — I'd certainly weathered those before
and since — it was how boringly terrible they were. Even the most
loathsome casts (Miami, Hawaii, Austin, for Pete's sake) build
friendships, animosities, some kind of compelling reason to watch them
be terrible. The Denver cast members felt like they barely ever met
each other. The Colie-Alex-Jenn "triangle" was barely interesting
enough to them. Musclebound gay dude Davis used the N-word in an
argument with Tyrie and it still managed to be a nonevent.
MVP: Brooke, because if the cast wasn't going to deliver anything in
the way of interpersonal narratives, at least Brooke was there to be
legitimately crazy and make faces like this.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=2x00027
26. Philadelphia (Season 15; Aired 2004–2005)
This season broke from tradition by featuring not one but two gay male
cast members. (It can't be a quota if there are two!) Willie was out
from the break but turned out to be a twinky little snooze. Karamo was
supposed to be the groundbreaker: a hulking black guy, atypical for
the series' classic depiction of gayness. But his semi-closeted nature
kept him from revealing too much, and he never really came out of his
shell. And nobody else was there to fill the interesting-roomie
vacuum.
MVP: The problem is that there wasn't one. Everybody fit into the
classic types: Landon and Shavonda were the tempestuous couple; Sarah
likably promiscuous; MJ the boring straight white male. Really, you
have to give MVP to Melanie, as aloof and sour as she was, who ended
up hating all of her roommates and then got scabies. I know you're
incredibly surprised that the season that prominently featured scabies
is ranking so low.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=3x00026
25. Hollywood (Season 20; Aired 2008)
The black cloud that hangs over this season existed even before
alumnus Joey Kovar died of a drug overdose in 2012. The ostensible
"theme" of this season was that these cast members were ambitious to
Make It in showbiz, but none of their hopes and dreams distinguished
themselves from 70 percent of all Real World cast members. Brianna
wanted to be a singer. Sarah wanted to be a ... reporter? Maybe? We
did get one differentiating wrinkle, as the focus on social-climbing
allowed the show to be open about the incestuous network of Real World
alumni hovering about in L.A. Will dated Janelle from the Key West
cast as a sort of nod toward upward scenester mobility, which was sad
but also fascinating from an anthropological perspective. Joey's drug
problems and the house's general rejection of vain problem child Greg
(the series' first-ever cast member elected by the fans) led to their
exits and two comparatively boring replacements.
MVP: Former American Idol auditioner Brianna seemed like she'd be the
most fun hang; Greg caused the most conflict; womanizing D.J. Will and
good-girl striver Sarah drove the most story, but the former was dead
behind the eyes and the latter a complainer; Joey is the natural
answer, but it feels ghoulish to revel in his intoxicated behavior
(violent/aggressive intoxicated, not fun/goofy intoxicated)
considering what happened to him. Let's pull a baseball hall of fame
here and say no one wins.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=4x00025
24. Key West (Season 17; Aired 2006)
When beginning this project, I made a self-imposed ruling that
Challenge participation must have no influence on these rankings. But
here’s where it faces its toughest test. Key West alumni Paula, Tyler,
and Johnny Bananas went on to become horrifying/fantastic presences on
the Challenge, while Svetlana's sole Challenge appearance saw her
reach the finals despite no obvious athletic prowess. Unfortunately,
their original appearances on this season were pretty unpleasant. The
season was dominated by Svetlana's repetitive Russian princess
routine, which would constantly flare up and annoy her castmates, who
were some of the franchise’s more forgettable (Jose? Janelle? Zach?).
Paula's situation was slightly more problematic, as she underwent a
season-long breakdown that had most certainly begun well before she
was cast. The specific alchemy for enjoying The Real World has always
included watching messed-up people act out their damage, but with
Paula, you felt like you were watching something ... clinical?
MVP: I'll get pelted with rotten fruit for this, but: Tyler. He was a
nightmare of a person, a catty gay who would kiki with Svetlana and
then turn on her viciously. But without the Tyler element, the season
would have been been 27 weeks of fratty Johnny poking at high-
maintenance Svetlana, like some kind of terrible supersize sitcom.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=5x00024
23. Cancun (Season 22; Aired 2009)
Cancun felt like even more of a valley wedged in between two seasons
(Brooklyn and D.C.) that had more on their minds than simple drunken
partying. For as much grief as the first Las Vegas season gets for
plunging the series into "The Binge-Drinking Hookup World" territory,
Cancun was the season where that template hit its low point.
Presumably by design. You don't set a season in Cancun in the
springtime and have the kids work at Student City if you're not
looking to make a season-long Spring Break Gone Wild. And so it was,
with the odd character beat or serious social issue (Ayiiia's self-
harm; C.J.'s LOL-worthy NFL tryout) drowned out by partying, girl-on-
girl hookups, and a guest-starring stint that launched LMFAO into our
collective consciousness. And despite a lot of really extreme
behavior, particularly from the near-sociopathic Joey, none of the
eight roommates was the least bit memorable. Months later, MTV would
premiere Jersey Shore, rendering this season even more irrelevant.
MVP: Derek, more by process of elimination than anything else. As a
gay guy, I have to admit to crossing my fingers every season in
anticipation of whatever nightmare representative of my people MTV is
offering up. (To be fair, MTV offers up nightmare representatives of
everyone's people, but I do get defensive). Anyway, Derek was one of
the more relatively drama-free gay dudes in the history of the show,
which didn't make him the most compelling but definitely the most
likable.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=6x00023
22. Austin (Season 16; Aired 2005)
Very possibly the least likable cast in show history. At best, you
could just tolerate low-level irritants like Rachel (Iraq War vet with
a chip on her shoulder) and Nehemiah (would-be smooth operator with a
chip on his shoulder). At worst, you had the insufferable Wes, who was
seemingly created in a research lab beneath the lacrosse frat at
Arizona State to be the most infuriatingly obnoxious person in
history. The Austin season really drew an arrow to the fact that, at
this point in the series, The Real World had abandoned the concept of
tailoring their seasons to their locations. Gone were the days that
the casts were a mix of locals and transplants, exploring the
eccentricities of their host city: What a cool change of pace it
might've been to cast people here who represented the Austin/hipster/
SXSW ethos. But no, we got the usual malcontents and sorority/frat
children, with blue-collar Masshole Danny and flirty blonde Melinda
swallowing up the season with their remarkably boring courtship.
Including his non-relationship stuff as well, a good 90 percent of the
drama this season was Danny-focused, as he got seriously injured in a
bar fight and then weeks later learned of his mother's death.
Unfortunately, Danny wasn't at all sympathetic when he wasn’t
suffering, which muted any possible emotional connection for the
viewers.
MVP: You'd think it would be Lacey, who provided season-long side-eye
at everything her jerk roommates ever did, but she was pretty much a
pill, too. I have a feeling Melinda would have been a pretty
compelling character if not for the Danny vortex.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=7x00022
21. New Orleans II (Season 24; Aired 2010)
Ooof. This was an unpleasant season, without a ton to invest in. The
dominant story line was that of Ryan, the 21-year-old hairstylist
whose vehement denial of his own gayness was only one of the dozens of
conflicts he had with his roommates. In keeping with the trends of the
last several seasons, Ryan's behavior trended uncomfortably close to
the psychiatrically diagnosable line, which certainly takes some of
the fun out of watching a character that the show's producers clearly
wanted to turn into the next Puck. Ryan's oxygen-sucking
monopolization of the season — there doesn't seem to be much to talk
about after you get to the part where Preston (the out gay guy who
constantly clashed with Ryan) got so angry he peed on Ryan’s
toothbrush — didn't leave much room for anybody else. You had the
white-trash romance between recovering-addict Knight and abuse-
survivor Jemmye, which only went to prove that late-seasons Real World
could turn any personal trauma into an excuse for drunken hookups. You
had McKenzie, the blackout drunk, who ... (there is no end to that
sentence). You had a lot of low-liers who are really hard to remember
today (Ashlee? Eric? Sahar?).
MVP: Ryan was basically the only contender this season, but if you're
looking for someone to like the best, it was actually Jemmye. Beneath
that Deep South accent and co-dependent-in-training relationship with
Knight, she was quite open and empathetic.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=8x00002
20. St. Thomas (Season 27; Aired 2012)
The most recent season (and fifth to take place outside the United
States) threatened to take up right where Cancun left off, as a
glorified booze cruise on land. And in many ways, it was. Eventually,
the interpersonal intrigue of damaged, drunk, and/or secretly rageful
persons reaches a point of diminishing returns. For a while, the
relationship between doormatty Laura and wolf-in-sheep's-clothing Trey
was captivating on an elemental level. Who wouldn't get into the drama
of warning this girl away from a bad-boyfriend scenario? Similarly, ex-
addict Brandon's arc — wherein he essentially goes through the reverse
of every addiction/recovery arc you've ever seen, ultimately debunking
the idea that he shouldn't take drink or take drugs — is dark but
somewhat novel. What ultimately makes this season a notch better than
Cancun or Philadelphia is that enough of the roommates seem like
recognizable human beings. Marie may be a blackout drunk, but she's
the blackout drunk you went to high school with. LaToya and Swift are
immature and argumentative, but not so far gone that you can't relate
a small bit. That's all we're asking from The Real World at this
point, for some sliver of recognizability in these party monsters.
MVP: Marie was loud, crude, and looked and behaved like Ke$ha, but
there was a hard edge to her that felt genuine, and she managed to
slice and dice her roommates' actions quite effectively.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=9x00003
19. San Diego (Season 14; Aired 2004)
It is incredibly strange/uncomfortable to talk about the first San
Diego season in retrospect for two unavoidable and intertwined
reasons: (1) Frankie was unquestionably the most irritating cast
member, overly defensive and paranoid and condescending and "too punk
rock" to stay in the house for a full season; and (2) Frankie has
since passed away from cystic fibrosis. There's no getting around
either halves of the Frankie Conundrum. It feels terrible to speak ill
of the dead, yet speaking ill of Frankie is basically the only reason
to talk about the San Diego season. Well, okay, we could talk about
how the postshow film and television success of Jamie Chung puts her
right up there with London's Jacinda Barrett in terms of postshow
acting success … (but Jamie a virtual nonentity in San Diego. The
other train wreck of the S.D. season, Robin, is probably best viewed
through the lens of her Challenge appearances, where each season would
bring either sober, endearing Robin or drunk, nightmare Robin, and it
was almost impossible to predict which was coming. But in San Diego,
she was in total nightmare mode throughout. The Brad/Cameran
"relationship" was a pale, pale facsimile of similar housemate
romances, and ... see? See how desperate I am not to talk about
Frankie? I'm talking about Brad and Cameran.
MVP: Randy, one of the more purely likable stoner-goofs ever to appear
on the show.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=10x00004
18. Chicago (Season 11; Aired 2002)
Given the way that earlier seasons of The Real World were plugged into
the world and times around them, you might've expected the season
being filmed on and after 9/11 to have been colored some by the
events. But that moment — the cast getting a rare at-home TV set to
watch the coverage — was but a blip on the season-long radar. The real
story of this season was how many people seemingly were not interested
in being on The Real World in any genuine way. Gay model Chris began
as closed-off and protective of his image and stayed that way
throughout. Kyle was the straight white male who was at the center of
most of the season's story lines, but he was very clearly interested
in only presenting a highly pruned version of himself, even while
stringing along highly string-along-able Keri. (Kyle went on to co-
star on Days of Our Lives for a couple years and is probably in my top
five of most loathed Real Worlders.) The two least closed-off members
were Aneesa and Tonya, the former an exhibitionist lesbian given to
all sorts of dramatics, the latter a budding sociopath and former
foster kid who hated basically everything and everyone.
MVP: Cara shared Sarah Jessica Parker's early-seasons-SATC hair, which
is maybe why her man-hopping has always held Carrie Bradshaw–like
undertones to me. But she made a decent case for serial dating without
ugly labels like "promiscuous." She had no interest in playing the
virgin or the whore, and I liked that.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=11x00005
17. Paris (Season 13; Aired 2003)
Not a season for everybody's tastes, and the one reason why many
people would like it — the television debut of Challenge beast C.T. —
is pretty far down on my list. I just enjoyed everybody in the cast
except him. Even Ace, an Eddie Haskell type straight out of Georgia
who used his boyish charm to wrap all the girls around his finger.
Even Adam, with his cringe-inducing confessional poetics. Even Leah
and her Long Island Princess routine. I honestly could not tell you
what they did while in Paris, except that they maybe worked for a tour-
book company and that CT got drunk one night and threatened to beat up
Adam for being a pussy. That's really about it. For all his Challenge
infamy, CT's stint in Paris consisted mostly of him being hectored by
the girls for nonspecific bad behavior.
MVP: It would be pretty unfair for me to say Simon simply because he
was the most attractive and relatively together gay guy they have ever
put on a Real World show. Every season, there's one cast member who
decides he or she is over it and spends the bulk of the time away from
the roommates — seeing the city, making friends, starting side
relationships. These are almost always the best people but the worst
TV. Simon was all that plus cute and Irish, and okay fine, it's Ace.
The MVP is Ace.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=12x00006
16. Las Vegas II (Season 25; Aired 2011)
By this point in the series run, the casting of damaged personalities
was more the rule than the exception. It may not make you feel good to
watch twentysomethings work out deep-seated emotional issues in the
most unsafe environment possible — but you never know when they'll do
something crazy/watchable! The participation of ex-juvie resident
Adam, who exhibited overtly aggressive/violent tendencies when drunk,
felt more dangerous than anything should be on this show. He was
bounced in episode six (you wonder if the producers had any
expectation that he would last the whole season), at which point the
bulk of the season's drama was shifted to Dustin's gay-for-pay
pornography past. As trashy as it was in concept, the Dustin story
line was honestly pretty compelling, offering the first truly new
twist on the show's recurring conversation about homophobia in many,
many years. By this point, acceptance of gay cast mates was pretty
normalized, but watching the roommates wrestle with feelings of shock/
revulsion/betrayal over Dustin's past was, while dismaying,
undoubtedly "real." All of a sudden, these kids raised on vague
notions of "acceptance" of desexualized portrayals of gayness on TV
were confronted with the real thing. Seeing ostensible "good guy" Mike
make the spiteful argument that Dustin should not be allowed inside a
school to talk to children was probably the most radical piece of
social commentary The Real World had aired since Pedro Zamora days.
MVP: Dustin, easily. Not necessarily the most likable, but a
surprisingly satisfying onion once you got to peeling away those
layers.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=13x00007
15. Sydney (Season 19; Aired 2007–2008)
Denver drove me away from the series, but Sydney pulled me back.
Sometimes a good feud can drive a whole season (Pedro vs. Puck being
the best example), and while Tricia and Parisa's battles never quite
evolved far past the "I don't like you and your stupid face" level,
sometimes that's all it takes, isn't it? Tricia was a shallow, petty
Mean Girl. Parisa was a superior know-it-all. The house took turns
taking sides, often ending up in the "neither" camp, and Tricia's
ultimate ouster was oh-so-satisfying. The nice thing about Sydney was
that beyond that central conflict lay some real characters. Dunbar's
impotent rage was at once unsettling and hilarious (though, seriously,
that man will murder someone someday, and we're all going to feel
awful about it). Isaac was a bizarre, likable stoner-type. Cohutta the
evolution of L.A. 1’s Jon Brennan (in this case, "evolution" is a
synonym for "now with abs"). Kellyanne and Shauvon ... were drunk
idiots, sure, but Kellyanne was kind of hilarious.
MVP: Parisa. Every season seems to have a humorless pill, and I
suppose Parisa fit that bill in Sydney. But Parisa managed to win me
over by basically voicing my armchair-roommate opinion on every
discussion/argument/fight that happened in the house. Sometimes you
just find a kindred spirit in the house who hates all the things about
the people on the show that you do.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=14x00008
14. San Diego II (Season 26; Aired 2011)
Of all the very recent Real Worlds, the second San Diego season was
the most compelling but also the most genuinely unsettling. The
volatile mix of personalities of Frank (recently out homosexual,
drinking problem, anger problem, narcissistic personality problem) and
Zach (regressively narrow-minded, anger problem, narcissistic
personality problem) was an ugly thing to watch, but it was also kind
of darkly fascinating to get a look at the increasingly rare breed of
homophobic twentysomethings in the MTV demographic. (This got even
weirder when Zach's small-mindedness was matched by blonde personality-
vacuum Ashley.) Then there was Sam — super androgynous, kind of
innocently enthusiastic, little-brother-in-a-girl package — who would
bounce off the two of these enemies at odd angles. Every week, I
expected a hate crime, and amid the usual drinking and yelling, I got
more confused about millennial attitudes toward masculinity and
sexuality. Second only to Hawaii in terms of the show's most
compelling car wrecks.
MVP: Sam. What a weird, wonderful little thing she was. Like all the
Justin Bieber lesbian jokes in the universe went out and took human
form as a butch girl with inexhaustible reserves of swagger.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=15x00009
13. Back to New York (Season 10; Aired 2001)
On balance, the second New York season was full of a lot of dull
characters. Malik was nice and handsome and didn't do a blessed thing.
Kevin was a cancer survivor and even struck up an early flirtation
with Lori, but he backed off quickly and then just acted like a low-
level dick to her. Rachel was wide-eyed in the big city and often felt
bullied by the other roommates, so that was something. Aspiring singer
Lori and makeup enthusiast Nicole each had their moments where their
idiosyncrasies would get on their roommates' nerves, but honestly, it
was pretty tame. The major saving grace that puts Back to New York on
this list is Mike and Coral. Mike and Coral are worth a lot. Mike and
Coral hated each other. His boastful, fratty (yet somehow open-
hearted?) ignorance; her hair-trigger temper and stubborn sense of
judgment. On a lesser show, they'd have fallen in love. Instead, they
sparred for the better part of a season before becoming the best of
friends.
MVP: It's a tough call, but despite Mike's Horatio Alger–like success
story, wherein four minutes of him goofing around with a WWE belt led
to his ascent to the heights of WWE stardom, I'm giving it to Coral.
Quick and cutting and always right. My kinda people.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=16x00010
12. Brooklyn (Season 21; Aired 2009)
After several seasons chasing increasingly shallow shenanigans, the
Brooklyn season (which featured eight strangers, not seven) managed to
be about something again. Enlisted Army man Ryan brought a dose of
reality and provided the kind of multifaceted character the series is
often lacking. Similarly, transgendered Katelynn was never quite so
easily lovable; she was argumentative and selfish and kind of dumb. It
made her a frustrating person to watch but also an understandable and
watchable character. The other roommates had their moments, though too
many of them — the princessy Devin, lunkheaded aspiring model Scott,
secret rage-monster JD, bow-tied uptight dandy Chet — quested for
shallow fame via MTV-engineered connections in a way that repelled any
kind of viewer empathy. Also, extra points for filming a stone’s throw
from my apartment, though I can see why that might not factor in your
final score.
MVP: Sarah certainly got the lion's share of attention, and the
intrigue surrounding her broken relationship with her father was worth
a conversation or two, but it's gotta be Ryan. It's too bad he
couldn't have been transplanted to an earlier season where his odd
personality would have been challenged and explored more by his
housemates.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=17x00011
11. D.C. (Season 23; Aired 2009–2010)
Churned out as a quick response to the postelection Obama era of good
feelings, the D.C. season was less concerned with politics as an end —
really, only bisexual-okay-I-mean-gay Mike had any kind of political
aspirations to speak of — but more about the general hope-stravaganza
that supposedly permeated the youth culture back then. This season
felt like it attained a classic mix of Real World characters. Ashley
the drama queen, Josh the too-cool womanizer, Ty the too-aggressive
egomaniac, Callie the sweet striver, Erika the secret crazy. Emily and
Ty's odd courtship took up a lot of air, especially in the early
episodes. Emily was a sporty, competitive girl, which made her
awesome, but it made the recurring aggression within her and Ty's
relationship hard to measure. Even more compelling was the panda-hat-
wearing Andrew, whose steadfast refusal to drop his goofball façade
and interact in any genuine way with his roommates was either
impressive (almost like he tried out for the show on a dare) or
unsettling (there were moments where something seriously dark was
lurking beneath).
MVP: The aforementioned Mike, who went through an endearingly retro
gay awakening that managed to showcase what a genuinely good kid he
was and also reminded viewers that just because popular culture has
considered the coming-out story old hat doesn't mean that kids aren't
still doing it every day.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=18x00012
10. Las Vegas (Season 12; Aired 2002–2003)
Well, here it is. The season where everything died. But on pure
landmark value, it deserves its top ten spot. As someone who has found
value in the hedonistic post-Vegas seasons, I don't hold as much
against it, though obviously one look at the rest of the top ten will
tell you where my loyalties lie. But Vegas had its moments. Trishelle
and Steven were three notches away from leaving Vegas to embark on a
Natural Born Killers–style white-trash crime spree to pay for the
child they thank God did not end up conceiving. Alton and Irulan were
one of those couples that hook up early on and end up isolating
themselves from everybody else all season while caught up in their own
drama, so that was no fun. Frank (the nice guy who always finished
last, until reemerging as a swinger when MTV reunited the cast several
years later) and Arissa (outwardly bitchy but misunderstood) were the
likable ones, depending on who you asked.
MVP: Brynn, quite improbably given what a sloppy mess she was in the
first episode. By the time it got to the part where she was throwing
forks at Steven (thus forcing him to defend himself to the other
roommates in the most obnoxious way possible), Brynn was a clear
favorite.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=19x00013
9. Miami (Season 5: Aired 1996)
Informal polls taken among friends and on social media have told me
that people who no longer watch The Real World stopped at one of three
easily identifiable exit ramps: Las Vegas, when the whole thing became
Elimidate; Hawaii (probably because of Matt and Kaia, but we'll get to
those monsters eventually); and Miami, which was the series’ first big
turning point: This was the first season everybody had to get a job
together. The aimlessness and isolating career paths of the London and
San Francisco kids proved to be too much for the Bunim-Murray cameras
to track, and they needed to get everybody up in each other's business
(no pun intended) much more frequently. This got off to a rocky start
with the Miami seven having to actually start a business from the
ground up. Because what could be more in the wheelhouse of fame-
seeking twentysomethings than shareholders' concerns and marketing
prospectuses? Terrible idea. Good idea: everything else this season.
Miami featured a threesome in the shower (Mike, Melissa, and
Unidentified Cocktail Waitress), wee Joe's giant Amazon of a
girlfriend, Dan and Melissa's epic stairwell freak-out (which, lest we
forget, was about Melissa opening an envelope that did not have her
name on it, "you stupid bitch!"), Cynthia uttering the first-ever
recorded instance of "I'm not here to make friends," and roller-
skating Sarah, the worst roommate in history, who brought home random
neighborhood children for no reason.
MVP: Flora, the true dawn of the modern reality TV star. She was
argumentative, dramatic, irrational, vain, a little funny, willing to
string multiple boyfriends along, and even more willing to climb
through a window to get a peek at the shower threesomes happening
therein.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=20x00014
8. New Orleans (Season 9; Aired 2000)
There was a lot of dead air in the season's second half, but it's
forgivable because there was so much else to recommend it. Honestly,
when your most boring character is a beautiful and likable blonde who
goes on to marry actor Scott Wolf, you've done a pretty good job
casting. Sure, there was himbo Jamie and quietly religious Matt, but
there was virtually no time to pay attention to them when you had
David laying down freestyle flows basically every other day. Who among
us can't hum a few bars of "Come on Be My Baby Tonight"? Julie the
skateboarding Mormon rebel was obviously a breakout character,
probably the most ideal candidate for the Sheltered Girl Learns Things
archetype since her season-one namesake. Similarly, angel-faced Danny
and his blurry-faced military boyfriend are as indelible as almost any
other gay story line in the series, short of Pedro.
MVP: Oh, Melissa. Such a cutup you were. The great part about Melissa
is that she could throw a week's worth of side-eye at David and make
you feel like she would absolutely be the person in the house you
would hang out with … and then turn right around and throw a chair and
dance atop a bar with dollar-bill pasties on her boobs and make you
immediately second-guess all your people-judging skills. Also, props
to her for exposing Julie for the rat that she was on one of the
Challenges.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=21x00015
7. London (Season 4; Aired 1995)
London got a lot of criticism for being boring. For episodes upon
episodes of aimless twentysomethings lounging about their Notting Hill
castle, picking up dog crap. In hindsight, the show is a complete
breath of fresh air. With the bar-hopping of the last decade's worth
of seasons having grown much more monotonous than the London sloth
ever was, watching these low-key roommates actually talk to and learn
about one another is almost thrilling. It's also one of the most
purely likable casts. At the time, Neil's Brit-punk superiority chafed
and race-car driver Mike's frat-boy routine grew wearisome, but pull
up an episode on Hulu and see how well-intentioned and relatable these
kids are. Jacinda probably comes closest to being objectionable —
she's kind of a bully, kind of a flake, decent prankster, though — but
there's a core of decency in this group that was rare even in the
early seasons.
MVP: Sharon. Wonderful, sweet, chatty-as-hell Sharon. She took a lot
of (usually good-hearted) grief from her roommates and responded with
a smile. She also nearly died of strep (or something) and had a really
beautiful singing voice and may well be the best human being to ever
be on this show.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=22x00016
6. Los Angeles (Season 2; Aired 1993)
Like in the first New Orleans season, things got relatively dull in
the second half of The Real World’s second season, when comedian David
and way-too-mature-for-this-and-finally-realized it-and-split sheriff
(CK) Irene were replaced with Perch frontman Glen and cleverly-T-
shirted lesbian Beth A. But such a first half! The entire David/Tami/
Beth yanked-bedspread affair that eventually got David booted managed
to be fascinating, provocative, and wildly entertaining (“IT WASN'T
NOT FUNNY!”), and is, deservedly, one of the most widely remembered
moments in show history. Everything in L.A. was ramped up from season
one, for better or worse. Jon Brennan clung to his roots tighter than
New York's Julie did. Aaron was more overtly himbo-ish than Eric Nies.
Tami was more confrontational. Dominic was more of a cool hipster.
Clearly, "types" were already beginning to coalesce.
MVP: Tami, without a doubt. Do you realize how much she got up to in
one season of television? She accused Jon of being a racist, was the
center of the storm that got David kicked out, had her jaw wired shut,
took classes at ITT Tech (!), went on the game show Studs, and worked
with AIDS patients until it got too hard to watch them die, which
would be too real for basically any cast post-1995. Most
significantly, she went through the process of getting an abortion, a
story line that seems unfathomable for an MTV reality show today.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=23x00017
5. Hawaii (Season 8; Aired 1999)
To find many people to like in the Hawaii season, you really have to
squint. You have to see past Ruthie's drinking problem to the messed-
up girl underneath who keeps making mistakes. You have to take Amaya's
drama and neediness with a grain of salt and see that she's just a
girl with a crush so powerful that she can’t act remotely cool about
it, and who among us hasn't been there? You have to tap into your
inner Marquise de Merteuil to understand Justin's dedication to
destroying all his roommates on their trip to India. Just don't ask me
to defend white-knight wannabe Matt and crunchy, frequently topless
poet Kaia, though. Smug and superior and the worst. The great thing
about Hawaii is that everybody is bad in really compelling ways. Well,
except for Teck. Not that much to unpack about a camera hog with
aspirations toward becoming an MTV VJ.
MVP: How about Colin, the fake-nerd who amiably hosted the casting
special, was "surprisingly" cast, showed up on move-in day with
fifteen extra pounds of muscle, and proceeded to emotionally abuse
Amaya for months. What happened there?
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=24x00018
4. Boston (Season 6; Aired 1997)
I couldn't quite place Boston as the greatest season, but I do think
it's my favorite. There are simply no dead spots in the cast. Sean
Duffy's post-house life as a conservative congressman from Wisconsin
can't fully diminish what a fun, gregarious party guy he was in the
house. Syrus was the womanizer you could enjoy without a ton of guilt.
Elka was a good-girl-gone-incrementally-less-good (she smoked!).
Kameelah was a shit-stirrer extraordinaire. Genesis was a giant ball
of drama: a lesbian who fell in love with a drag queen and plastered
the house with obnoxious "be better" quotes pointed at her roommates.
(Props to Genesis and Kameelah for this bracingly honest moment,
talking to kids about ingrained homophobia.) Even low-key spoken-word
poet Jason had that girlfriend (Timber!) who seemed a stiff breeze
away from a total breakdown at all times. That MTV had the bright idea
to have these guys work with children at an after-school program was a
terrible idea that didn't even prove all that necessary, what with the
characters they were working with. Then again ...
MVP: Montana. Without a doubt. If you were casting a Real World Hall
of Fame house, Montana would get in on the first ballot. You'd think
merely letting a grade-schooler steal a sip of wine while at work at a
daycare center and on camera would be enough. She also two-timed her
boyfriend and got screamed at (repeatedly) on the phone for her
trouble. ("WHORE!") None of that would have put her over the top,
though, if she wasn't simultaneously super fun and likeable. She
contained multitudes, our Montana. White and red and rosé.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=25x00019
3. New York (Season 1; Aired 1992)
You can't mess with the original. I will still mention Julie's "Do you
sell drugs?" faux pas to Heather every single time I see a beeper on
TV (on the History channel, mostly). Eric Nies was my first reality-TV
crush. Heather's "Could you get the phone?" in the opening credits
plays in my head on a constant loop. It's an old-hat observation, but
at this point, the show truly felt like an experiment, with young
people from vastly different corners of America thrust together to
make friends, but more important, to interact on an intensely personal
level. This cast — well, everybody but too-cool rock-band guy Andre,
I'd say — delivered that and set the template for sure. The only thing
holding it back is that the prototype would later be sharpened and
perfected on a couple of later seasons.
MVP: Julie, without a doubt. I don't think the series ever achieves
true liftoff without her onscreen. She mixed it up right from the get-
go — with Heather, regarding the beeper comment; with Kevin later in
their streetside "black people cannot be racist" fight — but was 100
percent genuinely eager to expand her horizons via this project. I
can't imagine one other cast member in the history of the show who
could go spend a night with a homeless friend and have it not come
across as self-serving.
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=26x00020
2. Seattle (Season 7; Aired 1998)
Of the top two seasons, one feels more important, the other more
entertaining. This is the latter. Not that everything was fun,
exactly. The season's most indelible image — the emotionally
interesting Stephen, having just been outed, chases down the departing
Irene, opens her car door, and slaps her in the face — isn't one to
relish. But it was emblematic of the ultimate clash between privacy
(Irene retreating to hers; Stephen thrashing to retain the last shred
of his) and publicity that defined the season. The second most
indelible image was the highly emotional argument ("I LOVE YOU! IT
KILLS ME!") between David and his girlfriend, the recently fired Real
World producer Kira, in a car they thought was out of the way of
cameras. (Ah, the trusty mike packs.) Fun-time Lindsay had to deal
with the news of a friend's suicide, puncturing her bubble. Lot of
heavy stuff, but a lot of fun too. Lindsay and Janet and their
smokers' rasps were as enjoyable a pair of girlfriends as the show
ever had. Irene was genuinely funny, in a weird way, until her Lyme
disease/exit story line took over. David and Rebecca's quasi-courtship
was sweet. But man, that slap.
MVP: I refuse to give this to Stephen on principle; I still hold a bit
of a grudge against the other roommates for not kicking him out after
he hit Irene. So this goes to David, a bundle of odd affectations and
hard/soft contradictions, wrapped up in a Boston accent and the
sickest body. He loved hard, man. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!
http://www.vulture.com/2013/03/ranking-the-real-world-all-27-seasons.html#photo=27x00021
1. San Francisco (Season 3; Aired 1994)
By the time the third season aired, the mere novelty of the "seven
strangers picked to live in a house, stop being polite, and start
getting real" concept had already begun to wane. The question of what
the show was going to do with that novelty was up next. The San
Francisco season set up two provocative story lines. One was
sociologically curious, seeing what happened when AIDS activist Pedro
and young Republican Rachel were thrown into a house together and left
to sort out their differences. The second was chaos-as-entertainment,
with bike messenger and snot rocketeer Puck wreaking havoc and setting
the template for all future I-gotta-be-me reality-TV troublemakers.
But then these stories smashed into each other: Puck flirted with and
tormented Rachel, while clashing with Pedro until the roommates
ultimately kicked him out. (The utter deliciousness of MTV intro-ing
that segment with Lisa Loeb's "Stay" is everything to love about The
Real World in one three-second music cue.) But while Puck became the
brand name for reality dickishness, Pedro's impact went much deeper.
For as much as AIDS awareness was everywhere in the early nineties,
the show gave most young viewers the closest experience they'd ever
had with an AIDS patient. Suddenly, that process of learning from
different types of people via close-quarters cohabitation was being
shared with the audience. This was The Real World in its most ideal
incarnation.
MVP: For all the Pedro-versus-Puck combativeness, the most fascinating
character was future two-time View co-host runner-up Rachel Campos.
She was so entrenched in her right-wing world at the beginning, and we
got to see her open up to people — to Pedro, to Judd, to meek little
Cory — without necessarily abandoning her politics.
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