[MSTing] End of Mobius, Part 1 (3 of 6)
Shay Caron
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"End of Mobius, Part 1", by Dave Bulmer
MSTing by Shay Caron (glee...@aol.com)
http://protection.keenspace.com/
Part 3 of 6
[ Mike enters the theater and sits down between Crow and Tom. ]
MIKE: [ sits down ] Okay, I'm better now.
> When Sonic came to he was lying on an unfamiliar bed.
MIKE: Aaaugh! I came in at the wrong time!
> Knuckles
> was standing over him,
MIKE: The *very* wrong time!
TOM: Look, he's just recovering from getting beat up.
> and his jaw was wrapped with a large leaf acting
> as a bandage.
MIKE: Oh. Whew.
> "Welcome back,"
CROW: Welcome... to the WORLD OF TOMORROW!
TOM: Shut up, Terry.
> Knuckles said, standing back. "You okay?"
> "Where am I?" Sonic groaned, feebly.
CROW: Sheesh. Whenever anyone wakes up from unconsciousness, they always,
*always* ask, "Where am I?"
MIKE: Well, sometimes people ask, "What happened to my pants?"
> "My head's killing me! Why
> aren't I with Tails? Why..." Then he remembered everything. It all came
> flooding back to him in an instant. This time it hadn't been a
> nightmare. A Metallix had attacked him,
MIKE: Painted him yellow...
> tried to kill him,
CROW: Held a bake sale...
> and had
> blasted Tails...
TOM: [ Sonic ] That was my favorite part.
> "Tails!" Sonic shouted, sitting bolt upright.
CROW: [ Knuckles ] Um, wait, there's a low ceiling--
TOM: [ thunk ]
> "Where's Tails?"
> Knuckles looked at the ground for a second before answering.
> "I don't know," he said, quietly. "I couldn't find him at
> Knothole. I suspected he was with you, but he wasn't there when I
> arrived.
CROW: [ Knuckles ] I got his answering machine.
> I don't think he made it. I managed to reduce the Metallix's
> power somehow by smashing some kind of generator that was attached to
> the cave,
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Well, maybe it was me. I dunno.
> but when he left there was no sign of Tails whatsoever. I had
> to get you home, but I couldn't get into Knothole. We're on Angel
> Island."
TOM: And Angel should be along any second.
> "No..."
CROW: [ Sonic ] You lie!
> Sonic still couldn't believe it had actually happened.
> He had seen Tails vaporised by that Metallix.
MIKE: So he *did* believe it had happened.
> "He could be okay... That
> Metallix might only have beamed him off somewhere..." Sonic sighed.
> "Who'm I trying to kid? Even if Tails was only transported, he's
> probably being roboticised by the Special Badnik Service as we speak..."
> "Ah... yeah, about that..."
TOM: [ Knuckles ] We found his corpse...
> "What? What do you know about the SBS?"
> "Well... they've kindasorta rebuilt the Death Egg again..."
CROW: Yeah, they haven't *actually* rebuilt the thing, but they're as close as
you can get.
MIKE: Just need to tighten one more screw...
> "What?!" Sonic could not believe what he was hearing. The Death
> Egg had once been a huge, spherical, fortress.
TOM: Then it hatched.
MIKE: Now it was a very popular restaurant.
> Powered by the Master
> Emerald, it had been the Freedom Fighters' deadliest enemy. Since then
> Sonic had destroyed it at least five times,
CROW: All in a row, really quickly.
> and since the demise of the
> Badniks' leader Ivo Robotnik, Sonic was sure he'd never have to face the
> 'Egg ever again. Even though the Special Badnik Service was continually
> growing,
TOM: They're Mobian Sentinels.
> roboticising every citizen they found, Sonic didn't think they
> were powerful enough to rebuild a thing like the Death Egg. "Now what do
> we do?!"
CROW: I suggest you panic, then run.
> "There's only one option that I can see. Round up some Freedom
> Fighters,
MIKE: Form a posse, apply some martial law.
CROW: Make 7-Up yours?
> break into Robotropolis." Robotropolis was the nickname the
> Fighters had given to Metropolis now it was entirely metal.
MIKE: Run-on sentences are quite annoying now I only like mayonnaise in
extremely small quantities.
> "But why? What can we achieve in there?"
> "We could find out where the Death Egg is, maybe even rescue
> Tails, if..."
CROW: [ Knuckles ] ...we feel like it.
> "...If he's alive," Sonic finished. He sighed and stood up.
> "Well, we'd better get on with it if we're gonna sort this thing out.
> While we're there I want to find out about that Metallix. I must know if
> there's any more.
TOM: [ Sonic ] Damn it, I must know! I *must*!
> If so, we have to watch out."
> "Let's go," Knuckles said.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] I'm glad you thought of that *before* we left.
>
> "Are you sure about this?" Porker Lewis asked, peering around
> the metal girder they were hiding behind.
CROW: I've got a *bad* feeling about this.
MIKE: Shut up.
> He didn't like creeping around
> in Metropolis City. For one thing the sound of his trotters against the
> metal floors often attracted the attention of Badniks and Swatbots,
TOM: Well, just put away the coconuts.
CROW: "You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em
together!"
> and
> that was why he had to wear these uncomfortable trainers now when he
> went out.
> "This is our only chance," Sonic whispered. "If we don't find
> out about the Death Egg and the Metallixes now,
CROW: You mean "Metalli"?
> it might be too late to
> stop them."
> Three SBS Troopers
CROW: Better than VR Troopers.
> rounded a nearby corner.
TOM: With very large files.
> Clad entirely in
> blood-red armour,
MIKE: How utterly Arthurian.
CROW: Oh, it's the Crimson Knight, the, ah, Scarlet Knight, and the... the...
TOM: The Raspberry Knight! [ pause ] What?
CROW: Hey, one of them must be the Tom Knight!
TOM: Oh, cool!
> the Troopers stood about three feet taller than Sonic.
MIKE: So, close to three feet, then.
> Their silvery metal jaws creaked as they spoke to each other.
CROW: Because robots need to resemble humans, even if it makes no sense.
MIKE: Yeah, you should talk.
TOM: [ Trooper ] Oil can! Oil can!
> "Receiving new orders," one of the Troopers said, turning to
> face the other. "We are to report to Citadel Robotnik for rebriefing."
CROW: Yeah, this model of Trooper needs its briefs changed every 10,000 miles
or so.
> They turned and began to walk away, when the second Trooper stopped.
MIKE: [ Trooper ] But do I really *want* new briefs?
> "Wait," it said. "Detecting enemy lifesigns in the vicinity."
CROW: [ Trooper ] I just oiled myself.
TOM: [ Trooper ] Let's *run* away instead.
> "Freedom Fighter capture overrides all orders," the first
> Trooper droned.
MIKE: Wow, that's actually... kind of intelligent.
> The two Troopers slowly walked towards the girder the
> Fighters were hiding behind, and tore it out of the ground.
CROW: Is that really easier to do than stepping *around* the girder?
TOM: Hey, what happened to the third one?
> Sonic,
> Knuckles, Porker, Johnny, Amy and Sally stood motionless for a second,
> unsure what to do. Sonic acted first, as usual.
TOM: [ Sonic ] Is this a Trooper I see before me?
> Jumping into the air he
> curled up into a ball and crashed down on top of one of the Troopers,
> smashing it to pieces.
MIKE: So, to review, Sonic is built of a bizarre, otherworldly substance.
CROW: Maybe he's Kryptonite.
> The second Trooper blurted something into a small
> microphone built into its arm,
CROW: [ Trooper ] I'd like a Happy Meal!
MIKE: [ Trooper, speaking quickly ] I regret that I have but one life to give
for my--
> before Sonic cut right through its head
> with his spin-attack.
MIKE: [ Trooper ] Aaagh...
TOM: And the *third* Trooper phased into an alternate universe.
> Sonic landed among the debris and watched as a
> small, green light on one of the Troopers' built-in modems flickered on
> and off,
CROW: -... .. - . -- .
> presumably sending messages to the SBS headquarters. Sonic bent
> down towards the modem's microphone.
CROW: [ Sonic ] Just let me get my order straight...
> "I apologise for the untimely demise of your two brothers," he
> smirked,
MIKE: [ Sonic ] The reports of such being greatly exaggerated.
> "but they were getting on my nerves." He brought his foot down
> on the modem, crushing it like an insect.
> "What do we do now?" Princess Sally Acorn asked.
CROW: Yeah, she *would*.
TOM: He said she wouldn't *be* here!
> Sally had been
> with Sonic right from the start, even before he changed blue.
CROW: To green.
MIKE: Sit back, everyone, we've got ourselves a paragraph of exposition ahead!
TOM: Whoa, let me get my 3-D glasses.
> She had
> gone missing for a few years when her father was trapped in one of the
> early Badniks, and she decided to rescue him.
TOM: Boy, a few *years*? Took her long enough!
> However, she was too late
> and he died.
CROW: After years of being trapped in a robot with no food? How strange!
> Before he did though, he told her about her amazing past.
> It turned out she was the rightful ruler of Mobius,
MIKE: Just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at her, no doubt.
> and for that reason
> she enrolled as an honorary Freedom Fighter. Since then hundreds of
> citizens had joined,
TOM: She's *great* for morale, though.
> and that lead to the death of the SBS leader,
> Doctor Ivo Robotnik.
CROW: Woo-hoo, he's dead!
MIKE: Party with your bad self!
> "Those Troopers are bound to have alerted more
> troops," Sally continued. Johnny nodded.
> "She's right, Sonic. There'll be more on the way." Johnny
> Lightfoot had been there with Sally and the others when Sonic first
> appeared in the Great Forest,
TOM: Gee, *more* plot points! I cannot contain my joy.
> and had followed Sonic ever since.
CROW: Yes, Johnny followed Sonic everywhere. The restroom, the shower, bed...
> Now he
> was the Team's top kickboxer, and a vital asset to the Freedom Team.
> But, as Sonic always said, 'Everyone is equal in the Freedom Team,
> especially me!'
MIKE: ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL
BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS
> "What are you guys worried about?" Sonic asked. "You've got me
> on your side, remember?"
> "Oh yeah," Sally groaned. "Great." She had always loathed
> Sonic's big-headedness.
MIKE: C'mon, her head is just as big!
> All he did all day was boast, brag and show off.
> What she hated the most about it was that he was usually right.
> "Uh... guys?"
> "Really, I don't know what you all worry about. Ever."
> "Guys?" Porker tugged on one of Sonic's spines.
TOM: Porker had been a part of the team for a very long time...
> "Not now, Porker, I'm bragging!"
> "But..." Before he could finish his sentence, a pair of metal
> hands gripped Sonic's shoulders. More Troopers grabbed the other
> Fighters, and began to drag them towards a huge vehicle, parked next to
> a large building with a red symbol on the door.
CROW: The Anarchy symbol?
MIKE: I *think* that says "El Barto".
TOM: Heeey, it's me!
> As the Freedom Fighters
> were bundled into the vehicle, Sonic thought he could just see a pair of
> red eyes staring at them from somewhere in the shadows.
CROW: [ Ben Stein ] Got red eyes?
>
> Grimer sat at his desk, watching out of the window as the
> Freedom Fighters were driven away. "We have them, Master. All of them.
> Sonic, Amy, Sally, you name them we've got them!"
MIKE: At low, low prices!
CROW: [ Grimer ] Now we've got the whole set!
> "Eggscellent,"
ALL: Dah!
> the figure in the chair replied. He turned round
> and pressed a few buttons in another desk.
TOM: [ figure ] I'll just load up that porn video...
> A screen flickered into life,
> showing the Freedom Fighters locked in the police vehicle, being driven
> towards North Beach. "I'm surprised they came here at all, Grimer.
CROW: [ figure ] What twitching *morons*!
MIKE: [ figure ] "Freedom" Fighters... More like "Feeble" Fighters!
> If
> I'd known I could have kept the Evilniks here. It would have been so
> much easier..."
> "No matter, Master," Grimer replied, "they are all finished!"
> Grimer had been working in Citadel Robotnik for years now.
MIKE: Gah!
TOM: Can't he just put the backstory somewhere *else*?!
> Citadel
> Robotnik, situated in the centre of Metropolis City, was the base of
> operations for the SBS. Grimer, their chief scientist,
CROW: Felt constantly dirty.
> had been the one
> who originally designed the Brotherhood of Metallix. There were a few
> Badnik Troopers around when he was first employed, but he greatly
> updated their design and the Special Badnik Service was born.
> "I'm sure our little plan won't go unfulfilled..." Doctor Ivo
> Robotnik stood up.
TOM: Good gods...
MIKE: For being dead, he's pretty talkative.
> His ovoid chest wobbled as he did so,
CROW: Y'know, I can't help but notice Dave talks about chests quite a lot.
MIKE: Say, you're right.
> and his thin,
> spindly legs could barely take the strain, but still he managed to drag
> his body towards a leather seat, specially designed for him to sit on.
> As he sat in it, the seat descended into the ground slightly,
TOM: Geez, I *knew* he was *fat*, but...
> and a
> glass dome closed over his head.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Let the liposuction commence!
> A large, metal, oval aircraft rose
> slowly out of the ground, with Doctor Robotnik seated in the centre. The
> Eggomatic.
CROW: It slices, dices, chops, and shreds!
TOM: And does it make Julienne fries?
CROW: *NO*! What the hell are you *thinking*?!
TOM: Geez, sorry!
CROW: Of *course* it doesn't! ...Pfft, Julienne fries...
> Robotnik had designed his hovercraft originally as a weapon
> against Sonic, but now he realised it was worthless for that purpose,
> and used it primarily as a travelling vehicle.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Screw mass transit, I'm going for a Sunday drive!
> The Eggomatic hovered in the air for a second before turning and
> zipping out of the door. The Eggomatic, now much faster than ever before
> and capable of almost catching up with Sonic, even when using a Power
> Ring.
[ pause ]
CROW: Is that the end of that sentence?
MIKE: [ to himself ] The Eggomatic... capable of almost... using a Power
Ring... [ out loud ] It *shouldn't* be.
> He flew along the streets, between the buildings and over the
> Badnik camps of Metropolis,
TOM: Buzzing the Badniks below...
MIKE: [ geriatric voice ] Hey! Watch it, you! Crazy driver!
CROW: [ young punk tone ] Get a life, old man!
MIKE: [ geriatric voice ] Get a haircut!
> until he came to a hatch in the floor. He
> tapped a button in the Eggomatic's control panel and the hatch opened.
> The Eggomatic descended into the room below,
MIKE: [ motherly voice ] Here comes the Eggomatic, down the hatch! Vrrm...
> and landed on a pressure
> pad. The doorway slammed shut and the pressure pad began to glow.
> The Freedom Fighters all thought he was dead. It was all part of
> Robotnik's master plan. Now he was the last thing they were expecting...
CROW: Well, second to last, just before the Spanish Inquisition.
>
> "Oof!" The vehicle skidded to a halt and the Freedom Fighters
> tumbled out of the back and landed on the sand.
TOM: Beach party!!
CROW: Spring break!!
MIKE: Party on!!
> "Why have they brought us here?" Johnny wondered out loud. North
> Beach was part of South Island, the only area on Mobius not part of
> Robotropolis already.
CROW: Except for the Floating Island, Flicky Island, oh, Angel Island, by the
way...
MIKE: That robotic memory amazes me.
CROW: It's a curse at times.
> The Great Forest lay in the centre of the island,
> and some of the Fighters were worried that the SBS may have already
> discovered the location of Knothole. They were wrong.
> "We don't make the orders," one of the Troopers said,
TOM: [ Trooper ] We *break* the orders.
> "we just
> follow them." With that the Trooper kicked Johnny hard in the chest.
TOM: That and your rib cage.
MIKE: "Chest" again.
> The
> hare staggered backwards clutching his stomach, but he didn't fall. The
> angered Trooper slammed shut the door of the vehicle and stomped back
> into the front. The Freedom Fighters watched the Troopers drive away,
> leaving them alone on the beach.
[ pause ]
MIKE: [ Mobian ] Um, are you gonna fight us now?
CROW: [ Mobian ] Hey, where're you going?
> "What now?" Amy asked, looking round in case this was all a
> trap. Everyone looked at Sonic.
TOM: Because if it was a trap, he was in on it.
CROW: If they're relying on *Sonic* for guidance, this planet's in trouble.
> He usually liked to be in control and
> lead the Fighters; usually it wasn't this difficult.
TOM: [ Sonic, whining ] Thinking hurts my brain!
> There was nothing
> here. They had been taken from Robotropolis by the two Troopers, and
> were transported home! It didn't make sense.
MIKE: "We must be in a fanfic!"
> They had orders to dispose
> of all Freedom Fighters, so why...
> "Sonic..." Amy whispered, pointing over to a large cave, "what's
> that noise?" The cave, cut into the side of a cliff, was restricting
CROW: Boy, tell me about it. These briefs...
> Sonic's view, but he could hear a familiar humming sound coming from
> somewhere behind it.
> "Uh-oh," Sally groaned. She knew that sound all too well.
> Scoutbots.
MIKE: GirlScoutbots.
CROW: [ monotone ] Buy my cookies. Buy my cookies. Buy my cookies.
TOM: [ snickers ] CubScoutbots. [ chuckles ]
CROW: Mike, please step out of my path, so that I might murder him.
MIKE: Crow... [ tries to think of a clever response ] ...No.
> She was right; hundreds of Scoutbots swarmed towards them
> from behind the cave.
CROW: Weren't they, um, *in* the cave?!
> The Scoutbots were the leftover Badniks from the
> beginning of Robotnik's reign. Varying in shape and size, the Scoutbots
> were usually designed in the image of certain animals.
MIKE: Do those fall under the heading of "false idols"?
> Civilians had
> been captured and, instead of being physically roboticised, they had
> been crammed inside the Scoutbots, to act as an 'organic battery' from
> which the Scoutbot drew its power.
TOM: Y'know, I would *swear* that there's something really dirty about this
whole thing.
> Some people considered this to be
> worse than actual roboticising, as the civilian inside was still
> conscious of its true identity,
CROW: And apparently also neuter.
> and could do nothing to stop the
> Scoutbot, while it felt its life being drained away as it lay crammed
> into the working parts of the primitive Badnik.
TOM: No, I'm *serious*! There's something--
MIKE, CROW: Yes, Tom, we know.
> "What are these supposed to do?" Sonic laughed. He could wipe
> Scoutbots out in an instant. He curled up into a ball, placing his hands
> on the metal floor.
CROW: Metal floor. May I say it?
TOM: Be my guest.
CROW: Thank you. THEY'RE ON THE BEACH!!
> He pushed forwards on his hands until he was
> spinning satisfactorily, then kicked backwards with his feet, sending
> him hurtling towards the confused Badnik horde.
MIKE: [ Badniks ] Duuuuuuhhh!!
TOM: [ Badniks ] I like potatoes!
> Effortlessly Sonic
> smashed through the crowds, destroying each Badnik he came into contact
> with. The citizens trapped inside fell the the floor among the wreckage.
> But more kept coming.
TOM: No, I really mean it this time!
MIKE: Servo, give it a rest.
> Soon the whole beach was hidden under a thick
> carpet of Scoutbots. Even Sonic looked worried. "Porker, load your
> Megacannonik."
TOM: But I--
MIKE: Tom, not a word. Ssh.
TOM: I just--
MIKE: Ssh.
TOM: But it--
MIKE: Ssh.
TOM: I--
MIKE: Ssh.
TOM: [ pause ] [ Tom starts to speak ]
MIKE: Ssh!
TOM: Hey!
> Porker nodded and hoisted his Megacannonik out of his belt and
> into his arms.
CROW: Say, Mike, I'm starting to agree with Tom.
MIKE: Why me?
TOM: Because you were stupid enough to take that temp job in Deep 13.
CROW: Is that a Megacannonik in your pocket...
> This terrifying weapon had originally been created by
> Robotnik shortly after inventing the roboticiser. As soon as he'd
> discovered how to alter things genetically and molecularly, he designed
> the Megacannonik, which could transform a shell into anything.
TOM: The tortoises of this world were *mad*.
MIKE: You don't want to bug them; they've got Om on their side.
> By
> loading a cartridge into a large slot in the top of the gun and
> programming it using the built-in keyboard, the Megacannonik could fire
> any kind of bullet, from laser beams to paintballs. Porker had manahged
> to steal some when all the rest were destroyed.
CROW: Why would you destroy a weapon like *that*?!
MIKE: Because you don't want them stolen, perhaps?
TOM: Ah, but such a weapon would make war a thing of the past, because no one
would dare *use* it!
[ pause ]
CROW: You are such a feeb.
> Porker programmed the Megacannonik, aimed it at the hordes, and
> fired. Streams of fire burst from the tip of the gun, melting down the
> Scoutbots. As they melted their molten remains flowed together, until
> all that was left was a hardening mass of metal.
TOM: Didn't they say there were people inside the Scoutbots?
MIKE: Um, yeah, they did.
[ pause ]
ALL: Eeeeewww!!
> Hundreds more Scoutbots
> swarmed towards them, which Porker tried to melt down, but he ran out of
> flames. While he loaded a new cartridge,
MIKE: Servo, just don't say a word.
TOM: Well, I wasn't *going* to...
> Sonic set to work spinning
> through as many Badniks as he could. Johnny swept up a group of Badniks
> with his staff, and threw them aside. Amy Rose raised her crossbow and
> fired a tiny dart at a crowd of Badniks in front of her.
CROW: [ knowingly ] We're going to tranquilize every single one of them.
> With perfect
> aim and precision the dart sliced through a Badniks head and flew out of
> its back, taking out at least ten more that were standing behind each
> other.
CROW: Gah! That's not very tranquil at all!
MIKE: Okay, the dart went in through its head and out through its *back*?
TOM: You see, Amy is approximately ten feet tall...
> As the dart passed through the Scoutbots they shook for a few
> seconds before exploding in a shower of sparks and civilians.
> "Run!" Porker shouted to the civilians and the Freedom Fighters
> still battling, "get out of the way!"
MIKE: Clear out. Of way out get my. Whoops, my mistake!
> He lifted his Megacannonik and
> blasted more and more fireballs at the Badnik horde. One by one they
> each melted away, liquidising all other Scoutbots they touched.
TOM: Convenient how their melting point is 64 degrees Fahrenheit.
> "That's
> the last of them," Porker said, slotting the Megacannonik into his belt
> again. He was right.
CROW: For *once*.
> Every single Badnik had been melted, smashed or
> blown up. North Beach was in complete shambles.
> "Whew!" Sonic wiped his hand across his forehead.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Lemme just register a pulse...
> "That was
> exhausting... NOT! Porker, nice work with that Megacannonik!"
> "Thanks," Porker grinned.
TOM: Loud grin.
> "Now maybe we can get back to finding the Death Egg," Knuckles
> suggested. "First we'll need to make our way back into Robotropolis. I
> suggest..." He stopped. Nobody was listening to him.
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Ungrateful wretches!!
> They were all
> staring at something behind him. Nevously
CROW: Campbell.
> turning round, Knuckles saw
> that they were all staring at the cave the Scoutbots had appeared from.
> Something inside the cave was glowing, and a quiet sound of hundreds of
> drums beating in rythem
CROW: Oh, ouch.
TOM: That kind of misspelling really ruins a sentence.
MIKE: Yeah, it disrupted the rhythm.
TOM: Sure d--
BOTS: Hey!
> could he heard coming from somewhere inside. As
> the sound got louder, Knuckles identified it as footsteps. Hundreds of
> heavy footsteps.
MIKE: They got a thousand elephants marchin' out that cave mouth.
> Something was walking through that cave, and whatever
> it was, it had hundreds of feet.
CROW: It's the amazing Millipede Man!
> And whatever it was, it was nearly at
> the mouth of the cave.
> The Freedom Team stepped backwards as rows upon rows of SBS
> Troopers marched out of the cave.
TOM: [ yelling ] Extreeeeeeme SBS Troopers!!
> These Troopers were different. They
> were clad in gold instead of the usual dull red armour, and were
> approximately three times as tall and muscular.
CROW: Hey, wow, it's the Gold Knight, the Marigold Knight, the Yellow Knight,
the, ah, Orange-Yellow Knight, the, er, Sunflower Knight, the, ah, ah,
the Mari--
MIKE: It's all right, Crow. You don't have to name hundreds of gold Troopers.
CROW: [ meekly ] Thank you.
TOM: One of them's the Crow Knight!
CROW: Say, yeah! And it says the gold robots were three times as muscular as
the red ones! Sounds good to me!
TOM: Heeeeey!!
> Each and every SBS
> Trooper clutched a Megacannonik, slightly more advanced than Porker's.
TOM: Now Porker's going to have "Megacannonik envy".
> They must have built a whole new batch.
MIKE: I wonder if the third-person omniscient point of view could possibly
keep its impartiality?
> As the Troopers marched away
> from the cave and towards the Freedom Fighters, the light inside the
> cave grew brighter.
CROW: The bats' internal clocks are getting *majorly* screwed up...
> As the light reached its peak, another Metallix, or
> possibly even the same one flew out of the cave behind the Troopers, its
> chest glowing.
MIKE: Same as what?
CROW: As the other one.
MIKE: I missed it, didn't I?
CROW: Yup.
MIKE: Good.
> Sonic jumped into the air, curled into a ball and flung himself
> over the Trooper squad to land on the floor behind them. The light on
> the Metallix's chest flashed, and the Troopers changed direction to
> follow Sonic.
TOM: [ Sonic ] Okay, good, now follow me over this cliff!
MIKE: Yeah, turns out it was a bad idea to roboticize a herd of lemmings.
> "Sonic, so finally I get to meet you! What a coincidence! You
> appear to be standing in the exact spot where a dead hedgehog is going
> to be after I..."
CROW: [ Metallix ] ...remember what the heck I was going to say.
> "I see you're not tough enough to finish me off on your own,"
> Sonic interrupted, standing his ground. "You had to develop new Troopers
> to back you up!"
> "That is correct," the Metallix admitted,
MIKE: [ Metallix ] All right, all right, I suck.
> "and you are no match
> for any one of the Evilniks." It was right.
TOM: Notice the villains are correct much more often than the heroes.
> The Troopers were several
> times taller than Sonic was. He didn't stand a chance. "But I'll give
> you a sporting chance..." The light on the Metallix's chest flashed
> again, and the Troopers turned on the Freedom Fighters.
CROW: Whoa!
MIKE: You could have phrased that a *bit* better!
> Sonic knew that
> light had to be the key to defeating the Evilnik Troopers, if only he
> could think of a way to stop it from functioning properly...
TOM: Spray paint probably would not work.
> "Run, guys," Sonic shouted as the Evilniks raised their
> Megacannoniks, "I'll deal with these creeps!" The Freedom Fighters
> turned and ran, all except Amy Rose.
CROW: [ Amy ] Where's everyone going?
> Brushing her hair out of her eyes
> she took aim with her crossbow and shot another dart at one of the
> Megacannoniks' barrels. Amy was sure she would hit; she was the sharpest
> shooter on South Island if not Mobius!
TOM: Again that's not saying much.
> The dart zipped into the
> Megacannonik with ease. The gun exploded in a cloud of fire. The Trooper
> holding it staggered backwards but wasn't even charred.
MIKE: Not even its chest.
> Amy's eyes
> widened as she saw the undisturbed Trooper, and she turned tail and
> fled. The Evilniks must be indestructible!
> "They're... chasing... us," Porker panted as they ran.
TOM: [ Porker ] Gee, I certainly didn't expect them to do *that*!
> The
> Troopers stormed towards them at an alarming rate, and Knuckles wasn't
> sure if they'd be able to evade capture for much longer.
> Sonic watched them go.
CROW: [ Sonic ] See ya, suckers! Heh heh.
> His primary task was to shut down the
> Metallix, which had landed on the ground and was watching the Troopers,
> flashing his light whenever they needed to change direction.
MIKE: Green light!
BOTS: [ shuffle closer to Mike ]
MIKE: Red light!
BOTS: [ freeze ]
> Sonic crept
> up behind it and was about to bring his fist down on the Metallix's
> back, when he heard a strange puttering sound from somewhere above him.
CROW: Some old dude puttering around in his hovercraft.
MIKE: [ as Sonic, waves his fist in the air ] Sunday flier!
> Looking up into the sky he saw something that made his heart
> miss at least three beats. It was a familiar roundish oval object, the
> top of which was made entirely from glass:
TOM: It's a L'eggs egg!
> the Eggomatic, sporting its
> wrecking ball, and a strange tank Sonic hadn't seen before. And in the
> driver's seat was none other than
CROW: ELVIS!!
> Doctor Ivo Robotnik.
MIKE: OK, here we go. *Yaaaaawn*.
> "What?!" Sonic exclaimed as the Eggomatic stopper in mid-air
> above him.
CROW: [ narrator ] I *said*, "Doctor Ivo Robotnik".
> "But... you're dead!
MIKE: He's breathing well for a corpse.
> This is impossible!"
TOM: Nothing is impossible if you can imagine it!
CROW: Riiiight.
> "Metallix, perform the procedure we spoke about," Robotnik's
> voice said from a speaker in the side of the Eggomatic. The chest light
> flashed and the Evilnik Troopers moved slowly outwards to surround both
> the Freedom Fighters and Sonic.
TOM: Red Rover, Red Rover, let Sonic come over...
> Robotnik flew towards the Great Forest.
> Sonic felt a cold chill trickle down his body as he realised Robotnik
> may have located Knothole yet, but he was wrong.
CROW: Those watching who are surprised by this, raise your hand.
[ Mike puts his hand in the air for a second, then looks around and slowly
lowers it. ]
> The 'Matic was just
> forming the missing part of the circle that surrounded them.
> The Freedom Fighters looked at each other, nodded and ran
> towards Robotnik.
TOM: [ Sonic ] Everybody dog-pile him!
> Sonic stopped just below the Eggomatic as his friends
> ran into the forest. Robotnik flicked a small switch and the wrecking
> ball began to swing. Sonic waited until the last moment then jumped out
> of the way.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!
> The ball hit the Metallix full on in the chest, smashing his
> light. The SBS Troopers stopped dead, and Robotnik shook his fist at
> Sonic,
TOM: [ Robotnik ] Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into!
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't
for those meddling kids!
CROW: [ Robotnik ] Curses, foiled again!
> who was already half way to catching up with the others, who were
> already a good way into the forest, fighting back brambles and branches
> as they went.
ALL: RUN AWA-A-AY!!
>
CROW: Did we ever find out exactly what that thing on the side of the cliff
was?
TOM: No.
MIKE: What thing?
[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]
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End of part 3
-- Shay Caron
E-mail: glee...@aol.com
Web site: http://protection.keenspace.com/
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