[MSTing] Scooby Did - Part II
Freezer
And making with the disclaimers:
And on with the disclaimers:
Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all related characters are the
property of Best Brains, Inc. Scooby-Doo and all related characters
are the property of Time Warner. The story itself is the sole property
of IndianAsian, and he (she?) is welcome to it!
And the obligatory warning: If scenes of graphic sexuality involving
cartoon characters (including one four - legged one) offends you, hit
the back button. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy. (Or as much as that’s
possible.)
<<<SCOOBY DID! - PART II>>>
1]…[2]…[3]…[4]…[5]…[6] [*]
Joel: I wonder how they’re going to fit Shaggy into all of this?
Crow: I SO don’t want to think about that!
>"Hello?" Velma tried again, pushing the door the rest of the way open.
Darkness. Silence.
Joel: Emptiness.
Tom: Stillness.
Crow: [Deep voice] DEATH!
All: CALVIN KLEIN!
>Then a faint, faraway wail like that of a griefstricken woman. "It's
her," Freddy whispered. "Captain
>Boothe's wife!" "Um, why don't Scoob and me wait out here?" Shaggy
suggested. "You know, like, to
>stand guard."
Tom: Sure! Stand guard in the dark. In the middle of nowhere. In
front of an abandoned mansion.
>"Sure," Daphne said. "It won't be too dark and scary standing out here
all alone, next to a haunted house."
Crow: Good call, Tommy!
>Shaggy uttered a high shaky laugh. "Well, if you put it like that ..."
Joel: [High, shaky voice] I’ll just sit out here and die, then!
>"Come on," Velma urged. They entered the house, moving with the
stealth born of months of creeping
>around supposedly ghost-infested houses, amusement parks, recording
studios, and hotels.
Crow: Well how good could they be at it? They were getting chased and
tied up all the time!
Joel: Actually, it’s pretty easy to be stealthy, when there’s no one
around to hide from.
>Freddy switched on one of their two flashlights, cupping his hand over
the end to shield the glow.
Tom: Umm…Why would he bother to turn on the flashlight, if he were
just going to cover it up?
Crow: Is the answer “Smile and nod?”
Tom: Why yes it is! [Joel makes “ding, ding” noises]
>It turned his fingers momentarily blood-red.
Tom: [Fred in a Deep detached voice] All I can see, all I can think
about is blood! BLOOD! BLOOD!
>The front room of the house was spacious, filled with sheet-draped
furniture. Old paintings of spooky-
>eyed people in antique fashions watched them warily from the walls.
Joel: You know? I’ve always thought that there must be some sort of
warehouse full of all-purpose spooky paintings that cartoons and
mysteries go to for stock.
Tom: [Announcer voice] So hurry on down to the Acme Creepy Painting
Warehouse! We got Forest scenes! We got portraits! We got group
shots! Eye slots of every size and shape!
Crow: And if you order now, installation in the secret passage of your
choice is free!
>Cobwebs thickly festooned the upper corners. Dust puffed up from the
rug. Everywhere was the smell of
>age, mustiness, decay.
Tom: Shaggy really should shower more often.
>"Your cousin spent the night here?" Shaggy said. "Like, he must have
been one brave cat, or one crazy
>cat."
Joel: You mean I never told you about Cousin Simba?
>"Shh!" Velma hissed. "Listen!" The wail, rising and falling, sobbing.
And a new sound, a low and
>somehow sneaky shifting from an open doorway leading to the cellar
stairs.
Crow: You’d think that maybe they’d think that whoever that is may not
take kindly to being followed?
Joel: [Old woman voice] You know how I feel about uninvited guests!
Tom: [Norman Bates] MOTHER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!
>”Let's split up," Freddy suggested. "You three go upstairs, Daphne and
I will look around in the
>basement."
All: SURE YOU WILL!
>"Split up?" Shaggy asked, looking like he was about to wet himself at
the very idea.
Crow: Jeez, you only do this every episode! You’d think you’d be used
to it by now!
Tom: Pot’ll do that to your memory.
Joel: We don’t know for sure that Shaggy’s a pothead, Tom.
Crow: Oh, come on! You’ve read “Signs Scooby Doo is a Drug Show”. I
dare you to refute any of those.
Joel: Yeah? Well, maybe I will!
Crow: And that’s pretty good!
Joel: And I’m giving it back to you!
>”We can find more clues faster that way," Freddy said.
Tom: He’ll find something that way!
>"You'll be fine," Velma said.
Joel: Just be the sniveling coward you always are!
>"Just stay close." She took the other flashlight and headed for the
staircase. Shag and Scoob followed with
>all the enthusiasm of criminals on the way to the gallows. "I'll go
first," Freddy said to Daphne
Crow: [Daphne] HMPH! Just like a man!
Joel: Crow!
Crow: Oh, bite me! It’s fun!
>as the others climbed to the second floor. He aimed the light down the
cellar stairs, then cautiously
>proceeded down.
Joel: [Fred] Now which step did you say was bro..KENNNN…!
[Bots make thumping noises]
>Daphne followed, her breath quick and warm on the back of his neck.
Crow: Suddenly, Fred felt the sudden, stabbing pain as Daphne sunk her
fangs into his neck! His life draining away! He fought for his life,
valiantly…!
[Joel hits him over the head]
Crow: Thanks! Needed that!
>At the bottom of the stairs was a short hallway. An archway on the
left led to a dusty old wine cellar.
Tom: Yeah, that’s the first place I always check when I’m wandering
through a dark, dilapidated old mansion: The cellar
>There was a door on the left, firmly closed. Daphne tried
it. "Locked," she whispered.
Crow: [Fred - Whispering] Why are you whispering?
Joel: [whispering] So the pirates won’t hear us!
>"Try this," he replied, pressing a key into her hand. "Where did you
get this?"
Crow: [Stoner voice] My pocket!
>"My cousin gave it to me."
Tom: [Fred] Along with a stack of Playboys and a jar of Vaseline.
Crow: [Daphne] EWWW!!!
Tom: [Fred] Well I washed the key first!
>She gave him a puzzled look and tried the key. The lock clicked and
the door swung open on oiled hinges.
>Freddy reached past her and flipped a switch.
Crow: Causing a short, electrocuting them both. The end. [gets up]
Joel: Crow. [Shakes head] No.
Crow: [Sits back down] worth a shot!
>A gooseneck desk lamp came on, casting a harsh circle of light on the
floor.
Tom: [Singing] The Circle of light!
>Unlike the rest of the house, the room was clean.
Joel: And also like the rest of the house, it smelled like ass.
Tom: JOEL! You can’t play with Crow anymore! He’s a bad influence!
Crow: Hey!
>The floor was covered with a nubby rug,
Tom: What’s “nubby”?
Joel: I think it’s a cute way of saying “lumpy shag.”
>a trendy burnt-orange couch was along one wall,
Crow: “Trendy burnt-orange?” Did Austin Powers write this?
>a battered coffee table held a television with foil-wrapped rabbit
ears, and the walls were covered with
>psychidelic concert posters and anti-war propeganda.
Tom: Probably got “Make Love, Not War” posters all over the place
with “Not War” cut out.
>There was a fridge humming quietly in a corner next to a two-burner
stove and shelf of mismatched dishes.
Joel: Guys, I’m not sure, but I think they just broke into the Mod
Squad’s hideout.
>On the other side of the room was a doorway curtained with strings of
beads that swayed and clicked.
>Beyond the beads was a small bathroom.
Crow: I’ll take “Unnecessary Detail” for $800, Alex!
>Daphne turned to Freddy, her expression questioning.
All: DUHHHH???
>He was grinning broadly. "My cousin's frat brothers set it up," he
explained. They've got the whole house
>rigged, with tape players, projectors, sound effects, everything. They
use it to scare pledges on their
>initiation. There's enough fake ghost stuff here to keep Velma and the
others busy for a while." "You mean,
>there's no real ghost?"
Tom: Is there ever?
Joel: Well, there were the last two Straight-to-video movies where
they did take on some real monsters. And, if you want to get
technical, there’s also “The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo”, and …. [The
Bots are staring at him] What?
Bots: [Chanting ‘airball’ style] FANBOY! FANBOY!
>"No real ghost." "You mean, we're finally alone?"
Crow: What do you mean “finally?” You run off together in every
frickin’ episode!
>"Yeah." "Oh, Freddy!" She ripped her headband off, letting her red
hair spill gorgeously over her
>shoulders.
Joel: And on to the floor!
Tom: Looks like someone forgot to secure her wig!
>He grabbed her and planted a kiss on her,
Crow: Countdown to unnecessarily graphic sex: T minus 20 seconds and
counting!
>giving her the tongue,
Joel: His own we hope.
Crow: Ewww!!!
>kicking the door most of the way shut. She was all over him, squeezing
his ass, tugging at his belt, running
>her fingers through his blond hair, hands everywhere, like she was one
of those six-armed snake
>goddesses.
Tom: She sprouted extra arms? Gross!
Joel: “Six-armed snake goddesses?” What’s he thinking of?
Tom: Maybe Pornia, Hindu Goddess of Smut?
>He popped two of the buttons off her dress and she somehow wiggled out
of it without letting loose of
>their lip-lock.
Crow: [Excited announcer voice] She’s got the champ in her dreaded
Double Lip Lock! She’s not letting go! There’s no escape for Freddy
now!
[Joel and Tom make crowd noises]
>Underneath, she had her stockings, garters, silky panties, and a lacy
push-up bra. Her tits drove him wild.
All: [Manic Laughter]
Tom: [Psycho voice] THEY’RE MINE! ALL MINE!!!
>Before, he'd never managed more than a few quick feels, in their
frustrating grope sessions in the back of
>the Mystery Machine while Shaggy was off at a fast-food stand and
Velma was asking around about
>whatever local ghost story they were tracking.
Crow: Whoa! Wait! Hold the phone! Is the writer saying that in all
this time, in all the times they’ve disappeared, they’ve never gotten
busy?
Joel: Gee, Crow. I thought I was supposed to be the fanboy here!
Crow: This is different! This is one of the running dirty little
jokes of the series: Fred and Daphne disappear halfway through the
episode and pop back up five minutes later like nothing ever happened.
Now, this shmuck tells us that that’s NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE?!?
Tom: I’m sure IndianAsian will give us a good reason for that.
Joel: Tom? It’s a sexfic. The explanation probably will make less
sense than anything we could come up with.
Tom: Just trying to keep a positive outlook. I’m starting to run out
of spare heads.
>He'd gotten his hand on her pussy once, hot and wet,
Crow: Then it nearly clawed his eyes out for giving it a bath, then
ran off.
>but still hadn't seen if she was a natural redhead.
Tom: The eyebrows, Fred! Check the eyebrows!
Joel: That doesn’t always work you know.
Tom: Okay, then check her chin hair! I don’t know!
>Now, though, he was feeling flesh and hard pointy little nipples,
Joel: [Fred] Tha hell?!? Why am I feeling three nipples?
>and she was rubbing his prick through his jeans. The one time he'd
persuaded her to give him a hand job, >he'd spurted cum all over half a
sandwich that Shaggy had left lying in the van, and they'd almost been
>caught.
All: EWWW!!!
Crow: Now that’s just unsanitary!
Tom: Not to mention unlikely! Shaggy leaving food behind?
>There had been no time to get rid of the damn sandwich, and they had
spent a bad day in fearful
>expectation. But aside from some comment from Shaggy about bad
mayonnaise, the incident had never
>been discovered.
[All make gagging and heaving noises]
>"I can't believe we've waited this long!" she panted, yanking on his
scarf.
Joel: I can’t believe the author waited this long !
>"There's never been a good time." He undid the knot before she
strangled him. "Why can't we just tell the
>others?" "Are you kidding?" He got rid of his sweater. "You know what
a prude Velma is! She'd kick us off
>the team, and she's the one with all the money. You think I want to
get a real job?"
Tom: Joel?
Joel: Yes Tom?
Tom: How do you make up backstory on something, yet still get the
details wrong.
Joel: A lot like this.
Crow: You guys do realize that that last sentence just guaranteed
Velma gets in on this, right?
>"She'd be jealous anyway. She's got a crush on you."
Tom: Well, of course she does!
Joel: Well, it’s him or Shaggy.
Crow: Or Scooby.
Joel and Tom: EWWW!
Crow: Oh, like you weren’t thinking it too!
>He unbuttoned his pants. "Why the hell are we talking about Velma?
Let's quit wasting time and fuck!"
Tom: Yes, yes! The faster , the better!
>"Rwot's rin rhere?" Scooby asked.
Crow: Fred, up to his wrist!
Joel: CROW!
Tom: That’s just sick!
Crow: I can’t let Joel get all the good shots in, you know!
>"Looks like the kitchen," Velma said, shining the light
around. "Kitchen?" Shaggy perked up. "Like, let's
>look in here for clues!"
Joel: You’re going to go poking around an abandoned mansion’s pantry
for snacks?
Tom: In an average episode, He’d probably find something.
>"There's not going to be anything to eat," she said. He shrugged. "We
might as well look." "I wonder if
>Freddy and Daphne are getting anywhere,"
[Bots do the Beavis and Butthead laugh]
>Velma said. She wandered over to investigate a large china cabinet
while Shaggy started poking through
>cupboards. Scooby stuck his nose in an open drawer, then yelped in
surprise as a large spider scuttled out.
Tom: [Scooby] Cool! There’s a web in here with the
word “Extraordinary” spelled out!
Crow: Salutations!
>"What's the matter, Scoob?" Shaggy found the dog shivering under the
sink. He bent down to try and haul
>him out. Thump! Rattle! "EEEEeeeee ..." Shaggy turned. "What was that?"
Tom: Velma?
Joel: Daphne?
Crow: Fred?
Tom: Chief?
Crow: McCloud!
>Scooby sniffed the air. "Rwhere's Rwelma?" "Yeah, man, where is Velma?
I hope she didn't fall down
>another trapdoor or something."
Tom: Nah! She just ran off to join Fred and Daphne in some cliched
sexfic threesome. No biggie!
>Daphne was noisy.
Crow: [Daphne] YES! YES! MORE! I LOVE THAT ASCOT THING! YES!
>He had her spread out on the couch, kneeling between her legs, busily
licking her pussy (natural redhead,
>question answered, and vaguely strawberry-flavored).
Joel: New from Smuckers: Natural Redhead! In strawberry and lemon
flavors!
Crow: They had to discontinue cherry a long time ago!
>Her heels drummed on his shoulders and back.
Tom: She’s made of rubber!
Joel: Either that, or she’s having a seizure or something!
>She gasped, she moaned, she oohed and aahed.
All: OOOH! AAHH!!
>It was a great show,
Crow: Especially the “encores”!
>and he was glad he hadn't told her the rest of what his cousin and the
frat boys used this room for.
Tom: Pagan rituals?
Joel: Illuminati meetings?
Crow: Quilting bees?
>He was glad she didn't know about the camera over the fridge, which
was recording everything.
Tom: Oh, why not! Let’s make this even more perverted!
>"Oh, Freddy! Oh, Freddy! You have to do it now! You have to fuck me!
Joel: [Fred] I thought that’s what I was doing!
>Oh, I'm going crazy! Give me that big prick!"
Crow: Rush Limbaugh?
Tom: Ooh, what a burn!
>He clambered onto the couch with her, sucking her perky tits.
Joel: Sexfic cliché #342 - all breasts are perky DD’s.
>She reached under him and guided his prick to her cunt. "Now! Now!"
Crow: [drill sergeant] NOW MAGGOT! GO! GO! GO!
>she squealed,
Crow: Sque…
Joel: If that’s a Deliverance joke, you’re getting a time out!
Crow: Oh all right!
>raising her legs. He rammed into her. She was slick and tight and her
inner muscles clenched around him
>like an oiled fist.
Crow: How does the author know what…
Joel: Oh, Ick!
Tom: I really don’t even want to think about that!
>Her legs clamped his hips so hard it almost hurt. "Oh, God! Oh, yes!"
she gasped. "Ooh, do it faster!" "You
>like it, huh?" he grunted,
Tom: Please! It’s a sexfic! You could be nailing her with half a
doorknob, and she’d be in ecstasy!
>pumping her so hard and fast that the whole couch shook. "You like to
be fucked?" "Yes! Yes!"
Tom: I believe I covered that!
>Velma sneezed from the dust and brushed cobwebs out of her hair. She
was sitting on a cold stone floor.
Joel: It’s Stone Cold Stone Floor!
Crow: [Steve Austin] And that’s the bottom line! ‘CAUSE STONE FLOOR
SAID SO!
>Ranks of wine racks stood silent sentinel around her. Overhead, the
trap door that had opened beneath her
>feet was closing. She jumped up and tried to catch the edge, but
missed. There was no way to open it from
>below. She would have to find another way out.
Crow: A trap door that closes on it’s own.
Joel: And she just happens to land in the cellar.
Tom: And just try to guess where she ends up next…
ALL: [Macarena] HEY…PLOT CONTRIVANCE!
>She still had the flashlight, and made her way through the maze of
wood.
Tom: And dust, and cobwebs, etc…
>She began to hear strange noises, sounds like ... could it be?
Crow: A chainsaw toting maniac?
>No, surely not ...
Crow: Hey, it was just a suggestion!
>A wide bar of light shone through a door that was standing ajar, and
from behind the door the noises were
>louder. Voices, familiar voices -- She threw the door open and gaped
in horror. "Freddy! Daphne! Oh, my
>God!"
Joel: [Velma] What are you doing to that sheep!
Tom: BAAAAA!!!
>"Velma!" Freddy craned his neck and saw her standing in the doorway,
staring at his naked ass. "Who
>cares?" Daphne writhed under him. "Don't stop, Freddy! I'm about to
come!" He pounded at her frantically,
>riding into the home stretch.
Tom: [Race Announcer] AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!
Crow: Literally!
>She clutched his hips and thrust her cunt up at him faster and faster.
Her nails jabbed into his back. "No!"
>Velma cried,
Joel: SHE'S GOT A GUN!!
>and dashed into the room as if to prevent the inevitable. Her feet
tangled in Freddy's discarded jeans and
>she crashed heavily into the rug.
Crow: And the point of that was...?
Tom: Now wait! Was she trying to stop them because of jealousy or
disgust?
Joel: Or maybe the author thinks Velma is some sort of stereotypical
klutz?
Tom: Maybe he's just a dumbass?
Joel: Probably.
>"Oh, oh, OOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Daphne shrieked.
Tom: Oh no! She's flatlining!
Crow: CODE RED! CODE RED! I need 15 pages of a decent fanfic, STAT!
>She went into such a frenzy of bucking and thrashing that Freddy was
nearly thrown off of her. Then she
>collapsed in a dead faint.
Crow: So...Women in IndianAsian's universe go into seizures and pass
out after really good sex?
Tom: I guessing he hasn’t had that much experience with the real thing.
>"Did you hear that?"
Joel: It sounded like Daphne having an orgasm!
>Shaggy gasped as the distant scream trailed away. "Ruh rghost!"
Scooby's brown fur went dead white.
>"Like, let's get out of here!" Badittabadittabaditta -- Ziiiiip! as
they ran in place for a terror-stricken moment
>before tearing toward the kitchen door. It was too narrow to
accomodate them both and they wedged like a
>cork in a bottle.
Tom: A classic Scooby bit, there. Yet I feel it’s missing something…
Crow: It’s soul?
Joel: A brain?
Crow: [Singing] A heart.
Tom: [Singing] Da Noive!
>"Jesus," Freddy said,
Joel: [Ominous voice] Don’t drag me into this!
>staring at Daphne. Her eyes were rolled back, her body was utterly
limp. He withdrew his still-stiff prick,
Tom: [Fred] Maybe I should’ve washed the poison off, first?
>since going at her while she was out cold would be a tad too
necrophiliac for his tastes.
Crow: So he started slapping her, until she woke up!
Joel: That’s so wrong, Crow!
Tom: But, you have to admit: It’s totally in keeping with the theme so
far.
Joel: Gotta give you that!
>Behind him, he heard Velma groan as she pushed herself to hands and
knees. "My glasses," she wailed.
>"I've lost my glasses!"
Tom: Okay, that’s every Scooby Doo cliché there is, except for “Those
darn kids”!
Joel: Look at the bright side: At least he got those right.
>He looked at her, at the pendulous swinging of her tits under her
sweater,
All: HUH?!?
Tom: So…Velma stopped wearing a bra?
Crow: And doesn’t she wear a really large turtleneck?
Joel: Freddy suddenly developed x-ray vision?
Tom: Is the answer, “The author really needs another hobby?”
[Joel and Crow making “Ding, ding!” noises]
>and then looked down at his rampaging prick.
Crow: RARGH!!! PENIS SMASH!!!
>"You're going to lose more than that," he muttered,
All: @_@
Crow: He wouldn’t…
Tom: He couldn’t…
Joel: He’d better not…
>and jumped on her.
Joel: What?!?
Crow: Ladies and gentlemen: Freddy is officially Out of Character.
Tom: You mean they’ve been In Character up to now?
Crow: Well, let’s face it; with Fred and Daphne, you don’t have a lot
of personality to work around. And I’m fairly sure “Rapist” isn’t one
of Fred personality traits.
Tom: That we know of.
Crow: True.
Joel: [Muttering] This is so wrong!
>"Freddy? What are you -- oof!"
Tom: No, that’s “Oaf!” As in “What kind of oaf writes this crap?”
>as his weight drove her down onto the floor again.
Joel: No, no, no! This cannot be happening!
Tom: Joel, buddy! Ease up! It’s just a stupid sexfic!
Crow: An increasingly sick sexfic, true! But we’ve gone through worse!
Joel: But, you guys, none of those had anything happening to Velma!
>Her questing hand struck her glasses and sent them skittering across
the floor. He yanked her skirt up to
>her waist. "Something I should have done a long time ago!" He seized
the waistband of her sensible good-
>girl panties and pulled them down,
Joel: Okay, that’s it! I can’t take this anymore!
Crow: Joel! Calm down, man!
Tom: Yeah! Just close your eyes. Let the evil flow past you!
Joel: Right! Let’s all just close our eyes, and let the bad stuff go
away. Yeah! That’s the ticket!
[All close eyes]
Joel: Is it over yet?
Tom: Lemme check…
>"Freddy, stop it!"
Tom: Umm…Nope!
[pause]
Joel: Is it over yet?
Crow: Checking…
>"I've got your pirate here! Prepare to be boarded!"
Crow: Almost… and …done! Paragraph’s over!
Tom: What happened, Joel? Usually, it’s Crow or me who freaks out
like that!
Joel: I’m sorry, guys. It’s just… It’s Velma!
Crow: Yeah. I got the same way with Sailor Mars. But then, I see so
much of that crap that it doesn’t hit me like that anymore.
>"Get out of the way, Scoob!" Shaggy said, struggling.
Joel: [Shaggy] Lemme out of this fic!
Tom: There you go! Right back in the saddle!
>The dog's eyes rolled, showing the whites.
Crow: His tongue lolled around. The life drained from his body as the
hands gripped tighter and tighter…!
Joel: Feeling a little dark, Crow?
>His fur had resumed normal color, but he was still in the grip of
fear. Just then, something white floated
>across the hall in front of them. Pale, ghostly, a vague woman-shape,
flickering across the walls.
Tom: What’s Callista Flockhart doing there?
Joel: Ouch!
>They reversed direction and popped out of the doorway like two
watermelon seeds pinched between a
>finger and thumb. Scooby tried to go under the kitchen table, got
stuck, and kept running, taking it with
>him. He hit a swinging door and vanished into the pantry. Shaggy dove
headfirst out the window and
>landed in a thick patch of weeds. He crawled away from the house as
fast as he could, but was not fast
>enough to avoid hearing another banshee shriek. He ran to the Mystery
Machine, climbed in, slammed the
>door, and locked it. Then he curled up in his seat, hugged his knobby
knees to his skinny chest, and
>shuddered.
Tom: You know, you really have to admire the way IndianAsian tries to
juxtapose comedy relief with the more serious… sex ‘n’… stuff.
Crow: You’re reaching Tommy!
Tom: I know! This really, really bites!
>Freddy rocked back and forth, fucking Velma nice and slow.
Joel: <Groan!>
Tom: Deep breaths, Joel! Deep breaths!
>She had quit screaming and was now biting on her wrist, making muffled
noises that might have been sobs
>but sounded suspiciously like moans of pleasure.
Crow: Of course! What woman wouldn’t like to get raped by a friend?
>He let go of her hips to see if she'd try and get away again, but she
stayed right where she was. He slid his
>hand back to her clit and rubbed some more.
Joel: [Strangely Detached] I will kill him.
Tom: Uh, oh. Looks like this fic has driven Joel to the dark side.
Crow: Joel! Happy thoughts!
Tom: Yeah! Think of how much of a freakboy looser this IndianAsian
must be to come up with something like this!
Joel: [Still detached] Loo…ser…
Bots: That’s the spirit!
>"Like it, Velma?" he asked, thinking gleefully how this was going to
look on film, how his cousin and his
>cousin's buddies were just going to freak out.
Crow: I got one word for ya, Freddy: Evidence!
>"Going to come, Velma?"
Joel: [Still detached] Cliché #124: Any act of sex will result in
orgasm. Cliché #74: Women eventually get into being raped.
Tom: Man! He’s on autopilot!
>She shook her head, but her cunt was clenching, and she was moving her
ass ever so slightly to meet his >thrusts.
Crow: You’re mouth says knows, but your body says…
Joel: AAAAAHHHH!!!
Crow: Hey! Quit stepping on my line!
Joel: [Grasping head] The pain! The pain!
Tom: Buck up, Joel! We’re in the home stretch!
>"Mmm, ooh," Daphne said, raising her head. When she saw what was
happnening on the floor, shock
>slapped the grogginess from her face. Her mouth and eyes made three
perfect O's.
Tom: You mean like…OoO
Crow: How..?
Tom: The wind, baby!
Crow: But you don’t even have eyes!
>Scooby huddled in the pantry, waiting for something to happen.
Joel: Utter than really horrible sex scenes!
Tom: You had us worried for a second, Joel!
Joel: It’s weird guys! It’s like I can’t feel a thing anymore!
Crow: So if I do this…[whacks him in the arm]
Joel: Oww… Crow! I meant emotionally!
Crow: Well you should have said!
>When nothing did, he cautiously poked his nose out. "Rhaggy? Rhaggy?"
No answer. No sign of the
>ghost, or of Shaggy.
Tom: Or his dignity.
>His teeth clattered so loud that they drowned out the thunder of his
heartbeat. When the spider dashed
>between his paws, he let our a yelp that was nearly ultrasonic and
raced for the door.
[All laugh weakly]
>Shaggy stopped shaking.
Joel: The DT’s had passed!
Crow: [Shaggy] Just one fix, man! C’mon!
>He peered out the windows, but couldn't see any of the
others. "Zoinks, I hope the ghost didn't get them,"
>he said to himself. "Like, maybe I should go look." His stomach
growled, reminding him that he hadn't
>eaten in half an hour. "Like, maybe in a few minutes," he decided.
Tom: Of course. Priorities.
>There was a small fridge in the rear of the van.
Crow: Was it next to the computer rig or the tool shed?
Tom: I think it’s next to the pool table.
Joel: I think it’s next to the hot tub.
>Kicking clothes and luggage out of the way, he opened it up and
surveyed the contents.
Joel: [Shaggy] Let’s see: Fuzzy cheese, spoiled milk, green bread.
And some sort of glowing bowl of something.
Tom: [Shaggy] I wonder where I put the leftover bongwater soup.
Crow and Joel: Ewww!
>In no time, he had built a large sloppy sandwich. Sinking his teeth
in, he sighed in rapture. The joy of food >was enough to give him a
boner.
All: What?!?
Crow: Oh, man! Just when you thought this fic couldn’t get any sicker!
>He pressed idly on his crotch with one hand while rooting through the
fridge for the last eclair in a pink
>bakery box. Still chawing down on the sandwich, he balanced the eclair
on his knee and opened his fly,
>taking out a cock that was as long and skinny as the rest of him.
Crow: I did NOT need to read that!
Joel: Well look at it this way: There’s no one around to rape, so
this scene will probably be pretty short.
Tom: Unless Scooby decides to show up…
Joel: Tom!
Tom: Man! I’ve been hanging around Crow too long!
>Between bites of bread, meat, mayo, pickles, cheese, and onion, he
nibbled the top off the eclair and
>sucked out some of the cream filling.
Crow: WARNING! WARNING! EXREME WRONGNESS APPROACHING!
>It left a chocolate-covered pastry shell with a creamy furrow that
nicely fit his cock. Sandwich in one hand,
>he ate as he jerked himself off into the eclair.
All: @_@
Tom: But…It…I…AHHH!!! <BOOM!> [Tom’s head explodes]
Joel: Right. [Takes out a tool box] Think you can handle things
while I get Tom online?
Crow: <SIGH!> I’ll try!
>"Oh, wow," Daphne said. "Oh, wow, Freddy, you're fucking her."
Crow: And logic! And continuity! And…
>Velma looked around at her with huge horrified eyes. "Help me, Daphne!
Help -- ooh -- help me!"
Crow: Well. So much for Velma being into this.
>Daphne licked her pink lips. "Help you? Okay."
Crow: Is this guy trying to reserve himself an entire wing of Hell?
Joel, I don’t think I can take much more of this solo! How’s it going?
Joel: Almost there. Just need to screw the spare head back on.
Crow: And speaking of “screw” …
>She got down on the floor with them, still wearing nothing but
stockings and garters. She tugged Velma's
>sweater up to her armpits and unfastened her heavy-duty bra
Crow: Just what we needed to make this fic truly evil: Lesbian rape.
>Velma gasped and squirmed, but Daphne's small hands were all over her,
cupping her tits, tugging gently
>at the large pebbly brown nipples. Freddy pumped harder. "Unh, I'm
going to come soon," he said.
Crow: Don’t just say it: Spray it!
Tom: Now that’s just disgusting!
Crow: You feelin’ alright, Tommy?
Tom: I’m feeling ok. But how about you, Joel?
Joel: Still pretty numb.
>"Hear that, Velma?" Daphne whispered in the other girl's
ear. "Freddy's big prick is stuck right up you, and >soon he's going to
come, he's fucking you, don't you want to come too? Doesn't it feel
good, all that thick
>hot cock slamming in and out?"
Tom: I can’t be positive, but I’m pretty sure turning Fred and Daphne
into sadists qualifies as OOC.
>Velma moaned. She was quivering now, her pale skin flushed. As Daphne
spoke, she continued fondling
>Velma's breasts with one hand and started caressing her own pussy with
the other.
Joel: Oh come on! Leave the cat out of this!
Crow: MEOW!
>"It's making me hot all over again just watching you. You know what I
wish?
Tom: A decent fic to be in?
Joel: A quick and painless, honorable death?
>I wish you'd lick my cunt while Freddy fucks you."
Joel: Am I the only one who thinks IndianAsian started typing this
with one hand here?
Bots: Nope!
>She laid back on the rug, spreading her pussy lips with her
fingers. "Do it, Velma. Lick me."
Tom: [Velma] ‘Scuse me! Busy being raped here!
>"Yeah!" Freddy said, biting his lip and trying to hold off. Jeez, this
was more than he'd ever imagined!
All: Us too!
>He hoped the camera was picking it all up!
Joel: I hope you’re in a state that still has the death penalty for
rape.
>"Do it!" He shoved Velma's head toward Daphne's waiting cunt. With a
strangled cry of abandon, Velma
>buried her face between Daphne's thighs.
Crow: Freddy? Remember how you didn’t want Velma to catch you because
she’d fire you? I’m pretty sure you just passed that point!
>His mouth was crammed with sandwich, his cock surrounded by a sticky
cunt of pastry and chocolate.
Tom: [IndianAsian] And just in case you didn’t think I was a big
enough bastard…
>Shaggy had never been with a chick, never cared to. All the
satisfaction he needed, he got from food.
Crow: And pot!
>When he came, he gasped a whole olive down his throat and nearly
strangled, but didn't stop sliding his
>pastry-filled fist up and down. Jets of cum pumped out, turning the
eclair into a soggy crumbling mess.
Tom: Joel?
Joel: Yes Tom?
Tom: I want him dead.
Joel: We all do,Tom.
>Scooby folded his ears over his eyes. He had adopted a new strategy.
If he didn't look, he couldn't
>possibly see anything to scare him.
Tom: Of course, then you couldn’t see if there were anything that were
actually trying to get you, now could you.
Crow: Scoob’s not exactly the brains of the outfit, you know.
>So, blind, he took a wrong turn and fell down the cellar stairs. At
the bottom, he righted himself, shook his
>head, and froze at the strange sounds. He sniffed the air. "Rwelma?
Rheddy? Raphne?"
Joel: [Scooby] Why do I smell motion lotion?
Bots: Ewww!
>Velma flung her head back. "Freddy! Yes! I'm coming!" "So am I!"
Tom: Crow! Yes! I’m hurling!
Crow: So am I!
>He fucked her faster, his thighs slapping her ass. "I'm not!" Daphne
cried petulently. She seized Velma by
>the hair and tried to force her back to licking, but Velma was caught
up in the throes of her orgasm.
Tom: Joel?
Joel: Yes, Tom?
Tom: Have I mentioned that I want him dead?
Joel: I believe you did, Tom.
>A startled woof caught Daphne's attention, and she turned her eyes to
the door. Scooby Doo was
>standing there, a comical expression of surprise on his doggy face,
his tongue lolling out.
Crow: Who could blame the poor mutt for being confused here?
>A thoroughly wicked idea struck her and she acted on it at once.
Tom: Oh, no!
Joel: Ladies and gentlemen: I give you…The 9th circle of Hell!
>Freddy always kept a couple of scooby snacks in his pocket for
emergencies.
Crow: Umm, why?
Tom: Emergencies. And stuff.
>Her cunt, aching for attention, told her that this was emergency
enough. She fished the snacks out of his
>jeans as he and Velma collapsed into a sweaty, heavy-breathing
heap. "Scooooooby," she crooned,
>waving the snacks. "I've got something for you, Scooby." His ears
perked up.
Crow: [Scooby] Hot diggity! Human poon!
Joel and Tom: Crow!
Crow: Bite me! It’s fun!
>She took one of the snacks and pushed it up into her pussy, then
crumbled the other one over her clit.
>Scooby whined, tail wagging uncertainly, and took a few steps toward
her.
Joel: [Scooby] Scooby snack! Bestiality! Scooby snack!
Bestiality! I’m torn!
>She tilted her cunt at him invitingly. "Come on, Scooby Doo. Nice
scooby snacks, come and get them!"
Crow: Joel?
Joel: Yes, Crow?
Crow: Are we sure this isn’t Oscar writing this?
Joel: If not for the grammar, I wouldn’t be sure it’s not.
>"Daphne?" Freddy was gaping at her. She ignored him and coaxed Scooby
closer. The big dog sniffed her
>cunt, then huffed a warm breath over it and started licking and
slurping. His tongue was large, pink,
>slightly rough, and wet.
Crow: In other words: AN ORDINARY DOG’S TOUNGE, YOU SICK BASTARD!!!
Tom: Preach it, Crow!
>He lapped up all the crumbs, bringing Daphne right to the edge, then
thrust his tongue deep into her,
>fishing for the hidden snack.
Joel: Guys, I think we may have to give up expressing how wrong this
fic truly is.
Tom: Did tend to run through the adjectives, didn’t we?
>His cold nose pressed against Daphne's clit. She wrapped her legs
around his head and humped his muzzle
>until she came, shrieking like a fire siren. The sight of Daphne
getting eaten out by Scooby made Freddy
>horny all over again, though he would have sworn he was worn out.
Crow: By the evil parasite that took over his body; forcing him to do
these evil acts!
Tom: Nice try, Crow.
Crow: Worth a shot.
>He rolled Velma over (reeling from her orgasm and still without her
glasses, she didn't know what was
>going on just a few feet away) and stuck his prick in her mouth. She
started sucking eagerly, all resistance
>gone.
Tom: Yes…There’s nothing like acquaintance rape to loosen up those
inhibitions!
>Shaggy threw the ruined eclair into the weeds and washed his hands. He
was full, content, and beginning
>to worry about Scoob and the others. He wandered around the outside of
the house for a while, trying to
>work up the nerve to go in. Every time he was about to, he heard more
ghostly screams and chickened out.
Joel: [Shaggy] I’m just a perv with food! I am not touching any of
that!
>In his wanderings, he encountered a long chain of extension cords
leading from the house, but it never
>occured to him that this might be a clue.
Tom: It’s a little late in the game to start tossing in useless
details, isn’t it?
>“Zoinks," he said to himself, coming around to the porch again. "Like,
where are they?"
Crow: [Shaggy] Like, they’re probably off having an orgy without me
again!
>He took a deep breath and prepared to go in, when they appeared.
Scooby was first, licking his chops.
>"Like, where have you been?" Shaggy asked indignantly. "Did you find
something to eat in there? Man,
>you better have saved me some!"
[All laugh weakly]
>Daphne and Freddy exchanged a glance, and Daphne laughed. Velma was
bringing up the rear, her glasses
>clutched in one hand and a dazed smile on her face.
Joel: And the name of her lawyer on her mind!
>"So, like, did you find the ghost?" Shaggy asked. "There's no ghost,"
Freddy said. "It was all a hoax."
Tom: [Freddy] It was some lame excuse for the author to write down
his sexual fantasies.
>Send your SEX, AGE and fantasies to the author, IndianAsian
<mailto:indo...@hotmail.com>.
Tom: [muttering] I-n-d-o-…Hey, Crow? Have you still got that copy
of “E-mail Bombs for Dummies”? I think we just found someone to try
the “Perpetual Gay Porn Link Virus” on!
Crow: I think I can dig it up!
Joel: Let’s just get out of here!
[All Leave]
[6]…[5]…[4]…[3]…[2]…[1]…[ * ]
[Back in the SOL, the guys are sitting around with icebags on their
heads]
Joel: Guys, I know we’ve done fics more graphic and violent, but have
we ever done a fic that kept reaching new depths of wrongness like this?
Crow: Outside of an Oscarfic?
Joel: Naturally!
Tom: Then I’d have to say no!
Joel: Worse than “9 ½ Chipmunks?”
Tom: Steady level of wrongness there. This is worse!
Crow: “Chibi-Usa’s 7th Birthday?”
Tom: Didn’t get wronger with each scene: Worse!
Joel: Showgirls?
Tom:…Okay. I’ll give you Showgirls. It was just as deep in
wrongness. But this…This is just so…Wrong!
[Mads light flashes]
Joel: And speaking of wrong… [Hits button]
[Back at Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is sitting in front of a PC
workstation]
Dr. F: Oh, hello Booby! I was just looking up some more of
IndianAsian’s work. [Mutters] Note to self: Velma violated = berserk
Joel.
[SOL]
Joel: Yeah, what was the deal with that, anyway?
Crow: You said that this was going to be not so bad.
[D13]
Dr. F : No…I said, and I quote “these fics are going to be in
the “Wouldn’t be so bad, except for…” vein.” And I didn’t
lie. “Scooby Did” wouldn’t have been so bad, if not for the rape, and
the pastries, and …you get the idea! In fact, I told Frank to see if
we’ve got any in the reserve archives in the same vein. Oh Frank?
[SOL]
Tom: By the way, Dr. F? How did curing Frank go?
[D-13]
Dr. F: Well Torgo’s blood did the trick. Sure, there were some side
effects, but those will pass. Eventually.
[Torgo’s theme plays and in shuffles…Frank.]
Frank: I foUnD soME MoRe Fics ThAT maY FIt ThE BiLL, StEVe!
Dr. F: Very Good, Frank. Now, push the button will you?
Frank: LIvE tO SerVE! [Pushes button]
[[FWOOSH!!]]
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--
***********FREEZER - MASTER...AND RULER...OF THE SQUIRRELS!!!***********
******** free...@hotmail.com ********
**** Visit _The Horde Zone_ at http://www.geocities.com/~mhorde ****
**** "My name is Makoto Kino! You remind me of an old boyfriend! ****
****** Prepare to die!" -- Crow T. Robot, MSTing of "Bloodbath" ******
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