MST3KD: "Women in UFOlogy Part 2A"
David G White
Tom: Sez you. I know that they came from the sky, took me aboard their
ship, and gave me a message of hope for all mankind...
Crow: Hey, Cheech and Chong are calling!
Mike: [reaches below the counter and pulls out a giant dustbuster] Well,
sirs, I thought I'd blow you away last time with the Disk Whisker,
but I know for sure that the Bust-Buster will knock your socks off!
[Cut to Deep 13. Dr. F is poring through a large book]
Dr F: Well, that settles it. [closes book] _-_ is not even in this kanji
dictionary! Frank, be a dear and bring me that katakana dictionary?
And could you take this one back to the library for me?
Frank:You know, mabe it's in one of those weird languages that uses the
Cyrillic alphabet.
Dr F: Good thinking, Frank! Get a Russian dictionary from the library too.
[turns to face the camera] Oh, Merkin, I'm afraid we won't be having
the Invention Exchange this time. We've just been too busy doing...
er, important research. Meanwhile, here's another alt.conspiracy
post from our friend John_-_Winston. Bon apertif!
Frank:Say, have we checked out the Portugese dictionary yet?
[Cut back to the S.O.L]
Crow: If it's any consolation, Mike, your invention still sucked.
Tom: Have you no feelings, Crow? Can't you hurt for the man?
Crow: Well, uh... [the lights start flashing] Saved by the movie sign!
G...6...5...4...3...2...1
> John Winston <John_-_...@cup.portal.com> writes:
Tom: Say, how do you pronounce that, anyway?
Mike: Got me.
> Subject: Women in UFOLOGY. Part 2A.
Crow: Doesn't there have to be a part 2 first?
Tom: Maybe it's really part 3.
Mike: Part 3? But we haven't seen part 2 yet! What gives?
> Another lady that has done a lot in the investigation of UFOs is;
>
> YVONNE SMITH:
>
> A relative newcomer on the stage of UFO regressions, Yvonne Smith is
> one
Mike: Smoking hot love mama. Yow!
> of the top Southern California Hyponotherapists for referrals
Tom: You know, referrals are where the money really is.
Mike: You're telling me? I had a cousin, all he did was refer, and he was
a millionaire.
Tom: Wow! What's he doing now?
Mike: Five to ten for fraud.
Tom: Doh!
> of
> investigators like Bud Hopkins and David Jocobs. Hopkins and Jacobs,
> authors of Intruder and Secret Life
Mike: Hunh, that must be like the dark side of "Boys' Life."
> are nationally known researchers
> whose case loads in the northeast have attracted widespread attention.
> They needed the help of professionals like Yvonne in an area as widely
> populated as Los Angeles.
Crow: Wait a minute, I thought L.A. was densely populated, not widely
populated.
> Yvonne Smith, in Pasadena, and her colleague,
> Debra Truncle in
Tom: Lovely downtown Burbank!
> Orange County, are right at the heart of abduction
> cases.
Crow: So they're the one responsible! Why haven't you spoken sooner, _-_?
> In 1988, Yvaonne picked up Communion and was so struck by the
> phenomena that she enrolled in the Hypnosis Motivation Institute,
Mike: Do you want to learn hypnosis in your own home?
All: [in a monotone] Of course. We all do.
> completing a 600 hour (one year)
Crow: 600 hours in a year? Do you think this is what _-_Winston means
when he talks about missing time?
> intensive program of supervised
> training complete with clinic work. She worked first as a psychologist
> and marriage/family/child counselor, then with canser patients. When
> she extend her practice to inclued
Mike: "Inclued?" Sorry, John _-_, but you mean "clueless."
Tom: Means or is?
Mike: Hey, don't be mean.
> UFO abductions, she was "struck by
> the similarities of emotional trauma between them."
Tom: Help me! I've got cancer!!!
Mike: I'm sorry, but that won't get me on Geraldo. [turns to Crow] Now,
you were walking down the street when Elvis and Bigfoot stepped out
of the UFO?
Crow: No I wasn't.
Mike: You're supposed to play along!
Crow: Ooops!
> All of these patients are dealing with fear at a massive level. The
> pervasive anxiety is caused in part by not knowing when the next bout
> with "the cause of the fear" will strike. In response to this, Yvonne
> began the Close Encounter Research Organization (CERO) and a support
> investigative group which meets once a month for pot luck.
Crow: Oh, not beanie weanies again!
> The support
> group consists entirely of abductees and she has found that "it is
> sometimes the only place they can talk about their feelings because of
> the social stigma that has been attached to the UFO phenomena." She
> believes that creating off-shoots of this kind of group in cities all
> around America would bring great relief to many.
Mike: Find the crackpots in your neighborhood. Then, when they're all in
one place, strike! Instant relief.
> During therapy, she emphasizes drawing because it is directly in touch
> with the subconscious. Most cases start in childhood and the abductions
> are usually generational, meaning that the aliens follow grandmother,
> mother and child, each in turn.
Tom: Grandma, what were abductions when you were a kid?
Crow: Why, in my day we had to walk nine miles through the freezing snow
to get abducted! And then the aliens made us pay the fare to Alpha
Centauri!
> Like so many others, her patients report
> medical exams, hybrid babies,
Mike: Jim Henson's "Hybrid Babies."
> and having sperm and ova samples taken.
Crow: My, you are a friendly one, aren't you.
> The Reptilian humanoids also seem to have turned up a few times in her
> regressions and once human military people were reportedly seen with
> them. Let's hope that this is not the group our government in in bed
> with!
Tom: Ugh. What a thought.
Mike: And I thought Tailhook was bad.
> JW Well, I also hope we are not in bed with them too.
Crow: You never know, John!
> The End Part 2A.
All: Yaaaaay!
> Source Of Information: INTERNATIONAL UFO LIBRARY MAGAZINE. DEC/JAN 1993.
> 11684 Ventura Blvd. #708. Studio City, Calif 91604 USA
Mike: A reliable source of honest and trustworthy information.
> John Winston.
1...2...3...4...5...6...G
[The interior of the S.O.L]
Crow: Well, I still can't figure out how to pronounce _-_.
Mike: Crow, you're missing the whole issue! There's a hyphen in there,
right? So what's his real name?
Crow: What do you mean?
Mike: Well, it could be John _-_ Winston, John "_-_" Winston, John_ -
_ Winston, John _-_Winston, or...
Crow: Oh, sort of like Hamilton, Joe, Frank and Reynolds?
[Tom steps in front of the camera as Mike and Crow continue to argue in
the background]
Tom: Greetings, fellow travellers along the path of life. I bring you
a message of peace from the stars. For I have been visited by a
higher form of life, and they have shown me the truth and the way!
We must put all thoughts of war and violence aside and focus on a
deep, inner spiritual peace. And you can learn how just by buying
my new book, "Universal Harmony the Tom Servo Way!" Available to
you exclusively through this amazing TV offer! $19.95 only! Learn
the mysteries of the universe, the secrets of hypnosis, and how
to build your own UFO! If you call now, we'll also throw in this
smokeless ashtray and this beautiful set of Ginsu knives! Act
now! Operators are standing by! [Calming down] So what do you think,
my cosmic brethren?
[Deep 13 Again. Dr. F and Frank are buried under a pile of books]
Dr F: Well, that settles it. _-_ isn't a word in any earthly language.
Frank:Earthly...earthly...Wait! That's it! It must be some alien tongue!
Dr F: Good thinking, Frank! You go to the library and get the alien
dictionary, and I'll call up NASA on the computer! [Turns to the
camera] Er, sorry, we weren't paying attention. Maybe later.
[Roll Credits]
Frank:[voice over] Wait a minute, what alien dictionary?
------
Credits:
MSTified by David White
Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of BBI, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.
------
John_-_...@cup.portal.com:
> Let's hope that this is not the group our government in in bed with!
------
DAVID WHITE, dw...@andrew.cmu.edu
"Those who induce these stressors on you, were individually not your
friends in the first place, for they wish through these stressors to
either brainwash you, transvalue your sex, or even kill you with
alphabet soup."
--Owen W. Gustafson