MiSTed: BOND STRAND, LOST?
D. Joseph Creighton
tossing out various trinkets now and then, as he searches it
for something of importance... ]
Mike: ... Parcheezey ... an old 1996 Presidential Barbie ... pet rock ...
Drat! I don't think I'll ever find it in this mess.
Crow: [ Enters ] What are you looking for, Mike?
Mike: Oh, hi there Crow. Well, I've lost something but I can't seem to
remember what it was. But I'm sure I'll know what it is when I find
it.
Crow: Could it be you've lost your mind?
Mike: Please, Crow. Not now. Now, let's see here ... yo-yo ... adolescent
deformed ninjitsu lizard doll ...
Crow: [ Off-camera ] Hey, Tom! Mike's lost his brains!
Tom: [ Enters ] I said that long ago, but does anyone ever listen to me?
NooOOOooooo....
Mike: Would you guys keep it down? I'm trying to --
[ Lights flash ]
Mike: Uh oh. Call coming in. [ Smacks button ].
[ SCENE: Deep 13. Doctor Forrester stands alone in a shirt and tie, lab
coat, but with only red polka-dotted boxer shorts on. ]
Dr. F: Although I take great pride in torturing you, I'm afraid that I'm
going to make this call short. Frank's missing.
Mike: That's odd. I'm missing things here too. It seems everyone is
being affected by this misplacement phenomenon.
Tom: I must congratulate you on your wardrobe, Doctor. I think the
statement is quite... revealing.
Dr. F: Wha? My pants! I must have forgotten them as well. I've got to
get dressed! Um, uh... here's this week's posting. Get to it!
[ Transmission ends as alarm wails and lights flash ]
Mike: We've got a post sign! Let's go, boys.
[ Door sequence ]
| Newsgroups: can.general
| From: 006...@axe.acadiau.ca (MARTIN STANLEY)
Tom: Can General what? And which General?
| Subject: BOND STRAND, LOST?
| Keywords: lost friend, help find?
Crow: Grammar poor. Need help. Talking like Captain Kirk.
Tom: I want to live! I want to live!
| HELP! I am trying to locate
Crow: Mike's brain?
Tom: Forrester's pants?
Mike: My... my... uh....
Crow: Oh, good one, Mike.
| a lost friend. We were at Lakehead University, in Thunder Bay Ontario,
Tom: Where's that?
Crow: Oh, some far off barren wasteland, I'm sure. Near New Jersey.
Tom: Ah.
| in the Outdoor Rec. Program.
Crow: Oooh. Outdoor Rec. Now *there's* a demanding program.
Tom: Do you get extra credits for being able to lounge on a lawn-chair
*and* drink beer without spilling any?
| He would have graduated 1989? (approx.)
| Stats-
| Name: Bond Strand
Tom: James Bond Strand.
| Age: approx. 28
| Last known location: Whitby/Oshawa area of Toronto suburbs in late 80's.
Crow: Answers to the name of Fluffy. Has had shots. Reward offered.
| Family: brother Storm, sister Amy, parents...I can't remember!
Tom: Now, is "I-can't-remember" the mother or the father?
Mike: Oh, that's the... uh... the...
Crow: Give it up, Mike.
| Interests: outdoors, outdoor education, kids(working at children's camps),
| past member of Federation of Ontario Naturalists, interpretation (ie:
| nature and history education) in parks,
Tom: Turn-offs include pickup lines, one-night stands, and mean people.
| I know this is not much to go on, but I appreciate any help I can get.
Crow: I think you could use more help, especially if it came in the form of
large doses of Prozac.
| If anyone knows him, or knows someone who was at Lakehead University
| sometime around 1985 to 1990, please let me know.
Mike: That certainly narrows it down.
Crow: Hey Mike! You made a funny. Well, almost...
| Anyone know another way to find someone ?
| Please contact me at:
| Martin Stanley
| 525 War Memorial House
| Acadia University
| Wolfville, Nova Scotia
| B0P 1X0
Tom: Bop 1 XO? Why should I go and hit some Executive Officer?
| or e-mail at:
| 006...@axe.acadiau.ca
| THANKS FOR ANY HELP!
Crow: No, thank *you*!
|
|
|
|
Crow: Psst. Mike. I think the post is over.
Mike: Is it? Oh. Well, let's get out of here then.
[ Door sequence ]
Crow: So what the heck was that all about?
Mike: It seems that this misplacement phenomenon was wider spread than I
thought. Not only was I affected, but so was Dr. Forrester and this
Martin Stanley guy. But in their cases, they lost people!
Tom: How can you lose a person?
Mike: I'm not sure, Tom. In fact... um... In fact...
Crow: Something wrong, Mike?
Mike: Yeah, I seem to have lost my lines. Anyone have a script handy?
Crow: Sure, here's one.
Mike: Ok, let's see here. Last scene of the show, the lines are... Hey!
Crow: Straw!
Mike: It's blank! The last page is blank! Someone forgot to write us an
ending!
Tom: No ending? What'll we do?
Mike: I'm not sure...
Crow: Well, we could forget about it.
Mike: Hmmm. That sounds pretty appropriate, Crow. [ Hit button ]
[ Transmission ends. Cut to static ]
---
"I'm Canadian actually. It's like an American, but without the gun."
-- Dave Foley, of "The Kids in the Hall"
D. Joseph Creighton Joe_Cr...@UManitoba.CA U of M Computer Services
Systems Operator d...@cc.umanitoba.ca Winnipeg, MB, Canada