[MSTed]: The Ascension Plan
Martin Wagner
Crow is crying pitifully.
CROW: But Mike! It's not fair! Tom ALWAYS gets to stay up late playing
Doom II! It's just not fair!!!
MIKE: Well, Crow, Tom does his chores when I tell him to. Now be honest.
DID you finish Windexing the ENTIRE load pan bay before lunchtime or not?
CROW: *sniff* ...No.
MIKE: There! You see?
CROW: But all Tom ever has to do is vacuum ONE CORRIDOR!
MIKE: Now....oh, hang on. Hi, everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love.
I'm Mike Nelson and this is Crow.
CROW: You're not even my real dad! *sob*
MIKE: As you can see, we're having a bit of a discipline problem here.
Sorry you have to come in in the middle of this, but...
Servo enters, munching on a big juicy ham sandwich.
SERVO: Hi, guys! Boy, this ham sammich is great! Well, time to get
cracking on Doom II! I'm finally getting up to the really HARD levels now!
Yippee!
CROW: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
SERVO: Gee, what's HIS problem?
MIKE: Uh, tell you in a minute. Deep 13's calling.
DR. F.: Why, helllooo, Nelson! Heh heh heh. Little discipline problem with
your windup chums, eh? Never you mind, let papa Clayton Forrester deal
with this one. You know...I was paddled a lot in school...got to like it,
too...AHEM! Anyway, I have an experiment this week that, well, let's say
Josef Mengele only _aspired_ to this depth of evil at his
prime...hahahaaa! It's another bit of sage wisdom from
alt.paranormal.channeling, and you'll never believe it...but it's from the
Son of God Himself!! Go forth and be enlightened, my children. HA HA
HAAAAAAAA!
SERVO: The Son of God? Isn't that...?
BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ...
ALL: Oh no...WE GOT USENET SIIIIIIIIIIIGN.....AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
[...6...5...4...3...2...1]
CROW: [sitting down] *sniffle* It still isn't fair...
MIKE: [sitting down with Servo] Shh, we'll talk about it later...
From: with...@aol.com (Withers2)
Newsgroups: alt.paranormal.channeling
Subject: The Ascension Plan(warning-long)
CROW: AAAAAAA!
SERVO: Well, so far it's got three strikes against it.
Dear all,
I don't come here all that often anymore but feel it is important to
spread the truth, so here goes.
SERVO: Jim Carrey. He's really annoying. I just had to tell you all that.
This is a channeled message for mankind.
CROW: Oh NO! Last time we got a "channeled" message it was "We're
cancelling your show!"
MIKE: Let's just PRAY real hard....
Please no negative e-mail.
ALL: Moo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-HAA-HAAA!
**********
Sananda
MIKE: Performing their hit "Oye Como Va"!
Greetings my friends.
ALL: Howdy-do!
I bring you a message which is important to all of mankind.
SERVO: Have you ever considered the benefits of a really good set of
encyclopedias?
My heart is full of love for each and every one of you.
CROW: That's why I'm going to cram my religious dogma down your throats!
This is why I am here. I am the Good Shepherd. Some of you will know me in this
modern time as Sananda and others will know me as the one called Jesus the
Christ.
SERVO: Jesus Christ...on AOL!!!?
MIKE: Well, they say their web browser's nice...
The time for this planet and the people who inhabit her is running
out. Do not be afraid because I bring a message of hope, not doom and
gloom. This planet, when it was created by the Father God, my Father and
your Father, was created in beauty and loveliness beyond compare and all
the people and animals that dwelt therein lived in peace and harmony.
MIKE: Then along I came.
Now, this wonderful Earth, so beloved by the Father God, has fallen into great
decline and mankind will not listen. Very soon, my children, this planet
will not be as you know her.
CROW: Doug Herzog will be in charge. Strip malls in every rain forest!
The Earth will change as the all-loving God brings her back to the plan
made in the first place.
MIKE: Omnipotence has its limits, it would seem.
The world as you know
it now - the climate, the famine, the disease, the pain, the torture, the
hunger, the greed, the avarice - is coming to an end,
SERVO: Yes, we're GOING OUT OF BUSINESS! Everything's SLASHED TO SELL!
and I have come
through this instrument to tell you of a plan we have created for those of
you who will listen and will heed. We have called it the ASCENSION PLAN.
CROW: Available in easy monthly installments.
MIKE: Just contact your local all-white ultra-right-wing Protestant
Christian church.
The Ascension Plan is for you and for all the peoples of this Earth
if they will but heed my word. The Godhead, the Father God, so loves this
world that he sent me before to show you what could be accomplished if all
men would live in peace and harmony.
CROW: As you can see, I botched it royally.
Yet those at that time sought to listen to only parts of my message and
other parts were missed and have now been long forgotten,
SERVO: Of course, I don't know why it never occured to me to just make
people pay attention to the parts I wanted 'em too, seeing as how I'm
omnipotent and all.
MIKE: Well, limits....
CROW: Guess so.
but this planet has still remained in the heart of the Father God, his
most favoured, and her people upon the face of it, his most loved ones.
SERVO: The rest of this vast infinite universe is really a big matte painting.
The Ascension Plan holds your salvation. It holds for you a place of
safety.
CROW: $30 for balcony, $40 for floor. Call Ticketmaster now.
You need only to look at the newspapers and the reports of fires,
floods and earthquakes to realise there is a great change coming upon your
planet. Whilst loss of life cannot be avoided at this time, the Ascension
Plan explains to you how you can overcome this.
MIKE: Read Chapter 5, "How Not to Die Horribly, Screaming in Agony."
SERVO: Right after Chapter 4, "How Not to Be Seen."
Throughout the world there are thousands like yourselves who have come to
hear the news of the Ascension. To many the news is greeted with something
akin to remembrance that they have heard of this long before but cannot
place when.
SERVO: Further evidence heavy drug abuse damages long-term memory.
To others it is greeted with abhorrence and stupidity, mockery and cynicism.
MIKE: No, REALLY!?
CROW: Can you imagine!?
Sobeit, my children, I do not come to make people change their ways of life -
their lifelong beliefs, their faith, their religion - I only come to tell them
what is happening and how they may help themselves and others like them.
CROW: No pressure. As long as you remember everlasting hellfire awaits all
you sinners you don't listen to me.
The Ascension Plan is divided into three main parts
SERVO: The head, the thorax, and the abdomen.
called the THREE WAVES OF ASCENSION.
SERVO: Oh.
MIKE: Hey, that's not the Acension Plan! It's the new Kitaro album!
The first wave of Ascension is already underway. Those already triggered
into awakening by the Ascension message will be on this first wave of
Ascension. They will be, for the most part, STARSEEDS, that is people who
have been programmed for Ascension even before they incarnated in this
lifetime.
CROW: We're not telling them this either. It's kind of our little joke.
The first wave we had anticipated would take somewhere in the region of
144,000 people.
SERVO: Got about nine so far. Probably the economy.
The first wave will be a spiritual Ascension and will last from 2 - 48
hours. Those who have desired to go will be taken in spirit only. Some in
their sleep, others in a state of wakefulness.
CROW: So try to stay off the freeways!
Some in a state of meditation and others in a state where perhaps they
remember nothing at all.
MIKE: We get a lot of these. Really annoying.
On Ascension, you will be taken to a place which is prepared for you.
You will know its love, you will feel its vibration, you will know the
familiarity of the scenery, the place and the people therein. You need not
be afraid, all that will surround you will be love and light and the
wonderful Godhead Himself encompassing you with His love.
CORW: Um, so...no chicks then.
Whilst you are there, there will be time for resting, there will be time for
reunderstanding, dusting down and generally making you feel a whole lot
better.
CROW: Revielle is at 5 AM sharp.
MIKE: Screw up and you'll be on KP for a week.
You will have come home.
SERVO: Yes, if you were dead, you'd be home by now.
The first wave is split into two parts, those who desire to return to
the Earthplane and those who don't. Each of you, whichever pathway you
desire to take, will have the same knowledge of the Ascension. You will
understand more, you will be given knowledge of what will take place upon
the Earthplane, and if you decide to return you will be returning as a
different person. You will be connected with your Higher-self so that you
can bring back into this bodily form and your environment in which you
live, the spiritual essence and some of the things you are capable of but
perhaps, as yet, have remained dormant.
MIKE: Huh.
SERVO: Do you think he's let the folks at TBN in on this little change of
the divine plan?
MIKE: Doubt it...
Those of you who are healers will find that your healing abilities will
have been enhanced many times. You will find that the healing that you
give will be almost instantaneous.
CROW: Well, the AMA's lawyers are about to have a TON of paperwork!
Those of you who are willing to channel information on the Ascension will
find many facets of myself available to you - only ask in love and you
shall receive.
MIKE: But why are YOU on AOL!!?!?
There will be other things as well that will be enhanced within you. You
may notice a difference in your bodily form.
SERVO: Saaaayy...
Your bodies will cease to age and decay and in physiological terms, they
will begin to regress to their prime. Young people will continue to grow
to their prime.
CROW: So...everybody's going to be 17.
The starseeds who return back to their environment and families, and
mundane world, will be ready to assist those who are asking questions.They
will be ready to assist groups and explain to them what is happening - to
show them, prepare them, ease the way for them and calm their fears so
when the second wave begins, they will be ready.
SERVO: They'll be the young blonde Aryan-looking ones with the "I'm a
Starseed" T-shirts. Visit their booth in your neighborhood mall.
So to the second wave. I cannot give you dates as it is not permitted
and I would not like to evoke mass panic on the planet Earth -
MIKE: Wow, good thinking!
SERVO: How does he DO it!!?
it will be in a time of years rather than centuries -
MIKE: Well, centuries are years but just more of them and...
but the second wave is the beginning of the evacuation.
CROW: Jesus has left the building! Evryone move in an orderly fashion to
the exit.
The changes that will occur on this planet will be so great and so
cataclysmic that it would not be right for any of you to be on her surface
when this occurs.
SERVO: But Mars isn't booked that weekend, so you're okay there.
This is what the Ascension Plan is designed for. It is a plan of
awareness, heightened sensitivity and temporary evacuation.
MIKE: I tend to be a little sensitive after a temporary evacuation myself.
CROW & SERVO: EWWWWWWW!
After the first wave, many will have returned to spread the news of
the Ascension Plan. We are hoping that this will make things easier for
people to leave this Earth for a while because the second and third waves
must be the Ascension of the body and the spirit. Those of you who choose
to do that you will afford great assistance to the many who remain here
before the final evacuation.
SERVO: And you'll get a nice little Christmas bonus for the help.
The final wave will be the last chance for Ascension. Those who
choose to remain behind will miss their chance and will go through the death
process.
CROW: This involves dying.
Some will be taken to another place where their souls will be restructured.
SERVO: We'll be adding a patio and a rec room and shoring up the basement.
Some may even return to the dimensions or the other worlds from which they
have come because there are other worlds - you are not the only ones in
this vast Universe. The Universes that even you do not know of are
innumerable.
MIKE: They really are. Wow. Just innumerable.
I could not begin to count them,
CROW: But it's definitely more than seven.
MIKE: Yes, I'm omnipotent, but I couldn't begin to count them. Don't ask.
and within these Universes are planets with beings of light - beings of
physical shape much like your own, and beings who just exist in thought
and light alone - but beings they are.
SERVO: They tend to over-accessorize, but beings they are.
So some of those will return to the dimensions from whence they came and
others will be helped along their way and their pain made bearable,
CROW: Oops, forgot to mention, the Ascension Plan is a very painful
process. Hurts like hell. Little bug we're working on.
but any at that final wave who express the desire to be with the Father
God then, sobeit, we will take them - no one is barred.
MIKE: After all, he's just Bill Gates.
The final days will come as soon as the evacuation of the third wave
has been completed. The Earth will shift on her axis. She will change -
north may become south and south become north and what was once wet may
become dry and what was dry may become wet.
MIKE: Congress and Clinton will agree on a budget.
CROW: Bell bottoms will come back.
SERVO: Pauly Shore will become funny.
MIKE: Newt Gingrich will have ethics.
CROW: Comedy Central will re-sign us for twenty more seasons.
You may yet see the sun rise in the west and set in the East. There will
be a change in the climate and there will be a shuddering and a breaking
of the Earth's surface.
CROW: It'll be boss!
The Earth will be reshaped to my Father's original design.
SERVO: A giant banana with a bump in the middle.
This is truth my children. This is no story - it is happening now.
MIKE: It's...king of slow at the beginning, but it'll pick up any minute now.
There will be more flooding, there will be more shaking of Earth, there
will be more fire and the destruction of wealth. The trappings which many
people think they must have here will be destroyed and in their place they
will learn that these things are not important.
SERVO: You see, my children, eating and paying the rent aren't part of my
father's plan.
As I have said, it is not doom and gloom and it is not going to
happen next week.
MIKE: Yes, I KNOW it's mass flooding and earthquakes and death, but it's
NOT doom and gloom!
Watch and look around you to see what is happening. Understand
and with that understanding in your hearts tell those who are still
ignorant of what is happening. When the final wave has been completed you
may do as you please, you may stay in the created environment or you may
return to the new Earth - you may walk between the two. Your bodily form
will be changed, your spiritual form will undoubtedly be changed.
MIKE: I get a weird feeling Clinton will veto this.
SERVO: Yeah, he's really just wasting his time, isn't he?
You will have no need of the vehicles which run on your roads, and again,
turn to your Western Bible, the lion will lay down with the lamb. You are
on the
brink of a new dawn for all mankind. Some call it the 'New Age'. Some call
it the 'Age of Aquarius'.
CROW: Some call it "horse puckey!"
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: Oh, Mike, SOMEONE'S gotta say it.
We call it the birth of the world. It is an exciting and wonderful age in
which you live and each and everyone of you, your families, your fathers,
your husbands, your wives, your daughters, your sons - each and everyone
of you has the opportunity to return and see this world as it should have
been and as it will be!
SERVO: "Look, sweetheart, everything that mankind has worked to attain for
thousands of years is nothing but smouldering rubble!"
CROW: *sniff* "It's so beautiful."
You will walk upon the face of the Earth again. Do not think for one
moment that in the third and final phase, that is it. Nay, you will
return. You will return to see your grandchildren grow but in such a world
that only your wildest dreams and imaginings you have seen.
MIKE: Well, my wildest dreams involve piles of money and tons of beautiful
women.
SERVO: Maybe he's got a customer service line you could call about that.
This is no fantasy, this is no story, this is happening now - YOUR WORLD
IS CHANGING.
CROW: Yes! Right...now....this very...minute...uh...
With the love that is in my heart and with the love that I bring from the
Father God, will you not heed my words? Will you not look, will you not
listen? Tell your friends, and help them to understand!
SERVO: "So, basically, we get to beam back and forth from a destroyed
Earth to Heaven at will. And the Earth is upside down, too."
CROW: "And...our bodies are changed...we're all like, muscular and stuff..."
MIKE: "But...the money and women..."
SERVO: "Well, that's not our department sir, but if you..."
Man has progressed; perhaps too much progression.
MIKE: Really cheeses me off, these darn GameBoys.
Man has been given the technology and yet he uses it to destroy his world
rather than assist.
CROW: But Doom II is fun!
SERVO: I don't think he'd understand, Crow.
Man has abused the greatest gift of all which is the world in which he
lives. Technology is always being updated and heightened and yet he fails
to eradicate the disease which is responsible for killing more human
beings than anything else on this Earthplane and that disease is greed.
CROW: Oh! It's not...AIDS...?
MIKE: Or TB?
SERVO: Not cancer, either, I guess.
That is why half this planet starves and the other half is at war - you have no
idea how much this grieves. This is why I am here,
SERVO: To prolong the heartless agony through sectarian strife! It's
something I got used to in medieval Europe.
this is why I have chosen to speak to all who will hear me again. This is
not a new message, neither is it a new Sermon on the Mount - it is a plan
for your continued race, without it you will surely perish. My Father, the
Godhead, will see that no hair on your heads is harmed, this is why He
offers to you so
freely the Ascension Plan.
MIKE: So call now...1-800-PLEASE GOD I DON'T WANNA DIE PLEASE AAAAAAAAHH!
I would like to leave you with a meditation which is especially
designed to help you reach higher. You may use it at anytime.
CROW: Just point it and squeeze the trigger.
First of all I would like you to understand there are various points on
the spiritual body which act as openings to spiritual attainment. You have
a name for them here which is CHAKRAS.
When you are relaxed I want you to take in two or three gentle
breaths and focus on the rhythm of your breathing, gently in and gently out.
SERVO: Now PUSH...PUSH...I can see the head now! Push!
Now I want you to imagine above you a beautiful beam of white light and as you
open your chakra centres I want you to take the beam of light through the
top of your head and bring it right through the whole of your body,
CROW: Gross!
MIKE: No, Crow, it's "whole," not "hole".
CROW: Whew...!
spreading to your toes, your fingers, the tip of your nose, your ears,
everything about you.
SERVO: Now quickly! Point the white light at your neighbor's house and
blow it to smithereens! Isn't this fun!?
Let this wonderful white light penetrate everything.
MIKE: Uh, I tried that once and she never went out with me again!
SERVO: Too bad...
As you are sitting in its warmth I want you to allow it to penetrate
further. I want you to let it filter through your bones, through to the
inner organs - illuminate them, getting rid of any nasty things there, any
pain - cover it in white light
ALL: [spooky 2001 A Space Odyssey monolith noise] EEEEeeeEEEEEEEeeEEEEE...
- every corner, and still further filter
this through to your blood, the little corpuscles running madly around
your body at this time, every one of them little pinpoints of light.
ALL: [as corpuscles] Wheeee! Yippeeeee! He we gooooo! Wa-hooo! Yippeeee!
Feel the energy coursing through you.
SERVO: At this point you should have about eight seconds to live. SUCKER!!!
Now I want you to imagine yourselves in a cool quiet place of your
choice. You may choose a temple, a pyramid or a favourite room -
MIKE: How about a topless bar?
SERVO: Only if it's pyramid shaped.
MIKE: Oh, okay...
somewhere confined where you may sit and illuminate yourself with this
light. Now I want you to imagine a doorway out. I want you to gently rise,
turn towards
the doorway and walk through.
SERVO: It's your NEEEW CAAAR! [cheering noise]
It is light, it is warm, your feet touch the green grass. There is beauty
and peace all around you. The air is heavy with birdsong and in the
distance you can hear the gentle tinkle of a stream.
CROW: Jeez, he's already polluting the place!
MIKE: Nooo! That's tinkle "OF" a stream.
CROW: Oh.
The sunshine is bright and covers you in warmth and love like the
arm of the Father God. Walk towards this stream, see the clarity of the
water and yet it is not cold, it is warm to the touch.
MIKE: Yuck, must be the kiddie pool!
SERVO & CROW: EEEWWWWWWW!
Bathe yourself in
its healing waters, let it carry away in its path the dross and dullness
of this world, Let it take away your pain,
CROW: Calgon, take me awaaaay...
your heartbreak, all things that will tie you to this Earth - let them
float gently away. As you step out on the other side you are invigorated,
strangely at peace and shining bright.
MIKE: Yes, you're not in Heaven until you're Zestfully in Heaven!
Look towards the front and can you see a mountaintop that reaches high
into the clear air. Isn't that the place you would like to be - atop the
mountain where you can clearly see everything?
SERVO: Yeah, but the rents are insane!
Then go for that mountaintop, not with your feet but with your thoughts.
CROW: You see, we haven't finished paving the bike trail yet.
If you want to go beyond the mountaintop it is well within your reach.
SERVO: [singing] Cliiiiimb ev'ry mountaaaaaaiiin...
Go through the skies to touch the stars, look back on your world, bright
and shining in the sky - it is your world, you have created it thus, you
have healed it.
SERVO: Guys, I hate to be a wet blanket, but I'm just not BUYING all of this.
MIKE: Does seem a little too good, doesn't it.
CROW: He hasn't gotten to the punch line yet.
SERVO: What's that?
CROW: Dan Quayle is President!
SERVO & MIKE: AAAAHHH!
Gently return to the mountaintop, feel its coolness - take it deep within you -
CROW: Hey, he's having a Montclair moment!
the serenity and the peace. Come once more to the riverbank, find yourself
within the doorway, come in.
SERVO: Light up a spliff. Go on! It's Heaven!
Freely partake of the ambience of warmth around you and return here with
us. Move your fingers and your toes, wriggle your nose and know that you
are firmly planted here. Sad though it may be I am afraid that you have to
stay here for a while.
MIKE: But we have lots of Enya on CD.
Now it is important that you listen to what I say.
CROW: Put your thumb in your right ear and jump up and down on one leg for
six hours.
Once you have finished this meditation or any others it is important you
close your chakra centres.
MIKE: After all, we don't know where they've been.
You can imagine them as you like, little portholes, windows, doors, but you
must seal them, seal the energy and light, serenity and peace in.
SERVO: Otherwise you could lose freshness up to a week before your pull-date.
Close each of them individually and seal it with love.
SERVO: Sessions presents, Greatest Hits of Heaven!
MIKE: [singing] "I seeealed...my Chakras with looooove...for yoooou"
Do this each time you wish to partake of this meditation or on any other
occasion when you open your chakras in this way.
CROW: Ignore the disgusting flatulating sound. It's to scare off Satan.
Now my loved ones, my time here for the moment is finished. My
parting words to you are only to think on what I have said.
MIKE: Try not to keel over with laughter. I'm very sensitive.
Think them over, think them through and question within yourselves. Try
and find others who are of like mind to yourselves.
SERVO: Shave your heads, start a commune and engage in daily group sex.
MIKE: TOM!
Speak of this change. Watch your world, Watch the changing face of the
Earth and know that Sananda has told you the truth.
ALL: [singing] "Oye como va...pendejo..."
The Ascension Plan is for all of you. Be happy in this and know that if
you have the simplicity of love in your hearts, the desire to help your fellow
men, and above all the desire to be part of the change of this world -
each and everyone of you shall partake in the Ascension - none shall be barred.
CROW: Except blacks, feminazis, liberal tree-huggers, and gays.
Hear this my children, NONE SHALL BE BARRED. No race, no colour, no creed,
no religion, no jew, no gentile -
SERVO: Hey, maybe not, Crow!
CROW: Well, Jesse Helms is gonna be pissed, that's all I can say.
MIKE: So what's new?
this shall pass away and in its place will be a union of all mankind, and
with that union of mankind will come the union of life itself, and with
the union of life itself the union ofthe Father God and His children is
inevitable - this is what the Ascension can do for you. The Ascension is
given freely and I ask only that you accept it in love and you take it
freely.
ALL: ZZZZZZZZ-ZZZZZZZZ
Therefore, my loved ones, as the Father freely gives to you, freely
receive, freely partake and freely share. Unify your causes, work together
in peace and harmony. Let none think he is better that the other for in
the sight of the Father God, all are equal. There are others who will help
you, there are others who know and understand. For now I leave you my love
and the love from your Father God. Know that it is He who watches and it
is He who waits. May love and
light remain always in your lives and hope, until we meet again, that love
be your goal. Farewell my friends.
Channelled through the Amethyst Group
Dawlish, Devon, EX7 OQX, U.K.
January - March 1994.
SERVO: ZZZ-mm, hmm? Oh, guys, wake up, we gotta go.
MIKE: Yeah, see ya on the other side, uh, Sananda.
CROW: Say, is there a 401K plan for all of that?
MIKE: I'm still trying to figure out why Jesus's e-mail handle is "withers..."
[...1...2...3...4...5...6]
Servo is packing a huge suitcase. Crow and Mike enter.
SERVO: Let's see...socks, 3 pairs, check...bubblegum in case my ears
pop...oh, yeah, I don't have any ears...boxers, 2 pairs...
MIKE: Hi, Tom. What are you doing?
SERVO: Oh, hi guys. I'm just packing for the Final Ascension.
CROW: You're...packing...
SERVO: Yeah! Haven't you guys done packing yet? I mean, Jesus said it was
coming any minute now, and...
CROW: Hey! That's my Cocteau Twins CD! Give it back!
SERVO: No! I traded you my John Tesh!
CROW: John Tesh! How the hell could you....AARRRGGH!
Servo and Crow start fighting.
MIKE: Hey! You guys! Cut that out! Servo, give him his CD back!
SERVO: No! How can you expect me to travel to other universes without the
appropriate music. I mean, really!
CROW: Oh, and I see you've got the boxer shorts with the TEDDY BEARS on
'em! HA HA HA!
SERVO: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! THEY WERE MY ONLY CLEAN PAIR! [starts crying] I
just...don't wanna miss my chance...at eternal...*sniff*...happiness...
Mike hugs Servo and lets him cry on his shoulder.
MIKE: Oh, Tom, Tom. Don't you realize when some lonesome dork with
delusions of grandeur posts some idiotic message on a flaky Usenet group
so that thousands of similarly dysfunctional losers will flood him with
e-mail messages and brighten his otherwise dreary, tedious and unloved
existence? Snap out of it, buddy. Even you said you weren't buying it.
SERVO: [composing himself] *sniff* I know...I just got to thinking...those
beautiful hills...being able to teleport to the stars...it all
seemed...so... beautiful...
MIKE: Hey, guys. I'll give you beautiful! How'd you like me to make you
both a big ham sammich, then you can stay up playing Doom II as LATE AS
YOU LIKE!
CROW & SERVO: Really!! Wow!!!!!
They run off, jabbering excitedly.
MIKE: And as for you, Dr. F., you really scraped the bottom with that lame
one! Whew! Hey, we'll see YOU on the other side, buddy! [smirks
contentedly]
CUT to Deep 13.
DR. F.: [seething] All right, Nelson. But I'll be back. I...I WIIIILL
KIIIIIL YOOOOOU...!
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Martin Wagner
http://www.mcs.net/~dvoskuil/hepcats/