MiSTed: Zebeckras in Wonderland (3/3)

[Jen White6]

> P-chan: No, no, no, no place, no place! I'm lost! I'm very, very lost!
>
> Mad Mystifier grabs P-chan's map.
>
> Mad Mystifier: Well, no wonder you're lost! This map is full of lines and
> markings. We need to fix it!
>
> Mystifier and Feline dash off and return wearing nurse outfits and looking
> insane.

Brak: Heck, I already knew they're crazy.

> March Feline: Hurry! Our patient is dying! Get me the Cheez-Whiz!

Brak: The Wonderful Cheez-Wizard of Oz!

> Mad Mystifier: Here it is!
>
> Mystifier and Feline coat the map in Cheez-Whiz.
>
> P-chan: SQEEL!

Tansit: Someone oil the pig. It's squeaking again.

> Mad Mystifier: That wasn't strong enough! We need some Reddi-Whip,
> chocolate sauce, and Jet Dri!
>
> They coat the map with more goop thoroughly. It begins to smell really bad.
> Then Mystifier stands on the table and begins to tap dance on the map and
> make it perforated.

Lokar: Ahem. Here we have an allegory: Two characters, who happen to bear
the sobriquets claimed by the authors of the story, have destroyed something
perfectly good by first smothering it with irrelevant garbage, then treading
upon it. I'll leave the interpretation as an exercise for the alert reader.

> March Feline: Much better now!
>
> P-chan: Noooo! My map!

Tansit: Aw, like it was helpin' you anyway! You're always lost.

> Zebeckras: Hmmmmm...
>
> Zebeckras steals Sassy's yellow kettle and pours hot water into it.

Brak: That's original! Most people pour hot water OUTTA a kettle, not
INTO it.

> She
> looks at P-chan and grins evilly. P-chan looks over at her and quickly runs
> away very scared.
>
> Zebeckras: Here, piggy, piggy, piggy! Come to Zebbie!

Tansit: [Zebeckras] I wanna love you and hug you and call you George!

> Zebeckras runs off after P-chan carrying the yellow kettle and swinging it
> around. Little hearts pop out of her eyes and she screams loudly and
> frantically.
>
> Zebeckras: I've got you!

Brak: [singing] Under my skin.

> Zebeckras splashed P-chan with the water and he changes into a naked
> Ryouga.

Lokar: Can we please decide on a verb tense for this story?

> Ryouga: Oh no!
>
> Zebeckras: Darling!!!

Tansit: Oh, great. Now she's Lum instead of Nabiki.
Brak: Ooo, I like Lum! She's got cute fangs.

> Ryouga: AAAAAHHH!!!

Tansit: You haven't been flossing, have you! Just look at those gums!

> Zebeckras chased Ryouga through the woods, screaming.
>
> Ryouga: Oh no! A dead end!

Brak: They killed Geary! You boneheads!

> Ryouga and Zebeckras stop at a stone wall, Ryouga has no where to go.
>
> Zebeckras: (drooling) I've got you now, Darling...

Lokar: [Ryouga] Unless I should be rescued by some convenient plot -
excuse me, narrative - twist!

> Then it began to rain. Ryouga turned back into P-chan and trotted off.

Lokar: Right on schedule.

> Zebeckras: Nooooo! Why?! Why me?! Why now?!

Brak: Y? M C A!

> Mirage: HA HA!
>
> Zebeckras: What the...
>
> Zebeckras looked up to see the Cheshire Cat in a tree above her,

Brak: Ewwww. Don't tell me the cat was "raining" on her, please!

> holding an
> odd looking machine.
>
> Mirage: What? Was making it rain the wrong thing to do?
>
> Zebeckras: What's that?!

Brak: Rain? Y'know, it's that wet stuff fallin' from the sky.

> Mirage: Geary's weather machine. I took it when Moze and Karnage were over
> and busy with him...

All: Huh?
Lokar: This is one time I am grateful for the paucity of exposition in
this story.

> Zebeckras: Ewe... wait, YOU made it rain?

Tansit: [Mirage] I'm a CAT, not an ewe!

> Mirage: Yep! Annoying, huh?
>
> Zebeckras: Why you...

Tansit: [Mirage] I'm NOT an ewe!

> Zebeckras throws a rock at Mirage.
>
> Mirage: Why don't you take it up with the queen?
>
> Zebeckras: A queen?

Tansit: Yeah, Queen! Off with her head!
Brak: And Another One Bites The Dust!

> Mirage: Don't you know the queen? Oh! You MUST meet the queen!
>
> Zebeckras: How do I find her?

Lokar: Follow the tabloid press to Windsor Castle.

> Mirage: Some go this way, some go that way,

Tansit: [Mirage] Some go both ways,

> but... I like the shortcut!

Brak: I like shortcuts too.
Tansit: Oh, no! Last time we took one of your shortcuts, we ended up on
Frank's Planet!

> Mirage took out a belt with a rainbow on it, and pressed a button. A
> rainbow came out of it and went over the stone wall.

Brak: Hey! Look! The way outta this story is over that wall! Let's go!

> Zebeckras: Isn't that Rainbow Brite's?
>
> Mirage: Yeah, I like Rainbow Brite, she's so nice, she's annoying!

Tansit: Then why isn't she in this story too?

> Zebeckras walks over the rainbow and ended up in a maze of white roses.
>
> Splatter: I'm painting the roses black

Lokar: *Painting* the roses *black*?

> Yes, painting the roses black
>
> The roses are white
>
> To the queen's delight
>
> I'll coat them all in gak

Brak: Ain't gak green, not black?
Lokar: They needed something to rhyme with 'black', and couldn't be
bothered to search beyond the letter G.

> By painting the roses black
>
> Yes, painting the roses black

Brak: Well, I s'pose everyone's gotta have a hobby.

> Zebeckras: Oh pardon me
>
> But hee hee hee
>
> Why must you paint them black?
>
> Splatter: Well, these roses are so mundane. I mean, plain white roses? That
> is just so bourgeois. And now I will go back, to painting the roses black!

Brak: Hey, isn't Splatterphoenix supposed to talk with big words like Lokar,
but faster?
Tansit: This must be the fake Splatterphoenix from the second episode.

> Zebeckras: Well, can I help you?
>
> Splatter: No! This is my artistic endeavor! It is painted precisely to my
> intricate vision!

Lokar: Oh, TRULY you can put much more effort into obfuscating her verbage
than that.

> Zebeckras: Oh, ok.
>
> Kenny walked into the scene.
>
> Zebeckras: What the heck?!
>
> P-chan runs frantically around the garden and stomps over Kenny, killing
> him instantly.

Tansit: Huh? P-chan's a little bitty piglet! He isn't big enough to stomp
anybody to death!

> Splatter: Oh my God! It killed Kenny! You bastard!

Lokar: A character steps onscreen for the sole purpose of being killed,
while many others who have no apparent function other than to annoy thrive and
flourish. This is truly no parable of good triumphing over evil.

> P-chan runs into an outdoor shower, then turns back into Ryouga. He puts on
> a thong that matches his bandanna and walks out looking ravishing!

Brak: What the-?!

> Zebeckras: Wowzers! Is it hot in here, or is it me?

Tansit: [Penny] It sure is, Uncle Gadget!

> Ryouga: Actually, dear, it is hot in here. We're in the middle of a heat
> wave! Well, actually, the heat wave has been going on for months now.

Lokar: Not that it has a thing to do with the narrative, of course.
Brak: It's a segueway! Ooooo!

> Zebeckras: Why is that?
>
> Ryouga: It's from all the heat radiating off the queen's head.

Brak: She's a hothead!

> Zebeckras: I am sweating an awful lot...
>
> Ryouga: Well, you can change over there behind that screen.

Brak: Shortcuts, showers, screens - sure are a lotta things showin' up
outta nowhere.
Lokar: Another fine production of Plot Convenience Theatre.

> Zebeckras walks over behind the screen and looks at all the clothes. She
> decides to put on a black tank top and shorts, baring her P-chan tattoo.

Tansit: Where'd she get the clothes to change into?
Lokar: AHEM, what did I just finish saying?

> All the sudden Morgana and Darkwing come back from shopping. Ryouga blows
> in his horn.

Brak: Little black pig, come blow your horn.

> Ryouga: Announcing her Royal Majesty, the Queen of Hearts!
>
> Drums roll and people cheer. The queen rides in on a yak, and floats over
> to Zebeckras.

Tansit: I've never seen a floating yak before.

> Morgana: And who, or what, are you?!?!

Brak: AAAHHH! It's the caterpillar - uh, butterfly - again! Somebody
squish it!

> Zebeckras: I am Zebeckras.
>
> Darkwing: What's your name?
>
> Zebeckras: Zebeckras.
>
> Morgana: Then what are you?
>
> Zebeckras: A Zebeckras. My name is also Zebeckras.

Lokar: [sarcastically] Please, slow down. This narrative is overtaxing
my cognitive facilities.

> Morgana: Do you play croquet?

Brak: I'm croquetingly!

> Zebeckras: Nooooooo...
>
> Morgana: THEN LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

Tansit: And they light the Olympic torch off the Queen's head!

> All the TDA Tarot Cards form little tunnels aligned on the playing ground
> for the croquet game. Ryouga brings in a case with mallets and croquet
> balls.
>
> Morgana: What do you think you're doing?!
>
> Ryouga: Setting up for croquet like you said.
>
> Morgana: You morons! Not here! Over in the pool!
>
> Darkwing: Yeah, you idiots! She wants to play water croquet!

Brak: But then the salad'll get all soggy and icky!

> Morgana hops onto a rubber intertube with a duck face on it that is
> floating in the Olympic sized pool. Zebeckras follows, and hops onto an
> intertube with a bunny head. They both shove off holding their croquet
> mallets high!

Brak: [singing] Forever shall we hold our mallets high! high! high! high!

> Nefferbeth: Me and my big mouth.

Tansit: Quoth the raven: Nefferbeth.

> Dark Horse: This is all YOUR fault.
>
> Voice from above: Shuttup. You said you wanted to be in the story! And
> there weren't many parts left, so you get stuck as the mallets!

Tansit: They WANTED to be in this story?!
Brak: Some people will do anything.

> Nefferbeth: *grumble* Nate would never do this to me.
>
> A big bolt of lightning comes down and burns Neffie and DH to a crisp.

Brak: [The Count] Two! Two crispy fangirls! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[lightning flashes]

> Zebeckras: Ewwwwwww!!! I'd hate to see who the croquet balls are...
>
> Rescue Rangers: Help us! Help us! Please!
>
> Zebeckras: *blink* Ooookay...

Brak: Aren't the balls supposed to be hedgehogs?
Tansit: Yeah! Then they can pop Sonic one!

> Mirage: Hidy ho everybody! *gasp* A POOL!
>
> Zebeckras: Oh no!

Tansit: She isn't gonna *sing* again, is she?

> Morgana: Who are you talking to?
>
> Zebeckras: A cat.
>
> Morgana: A cat? Where?
>
> Mirage: Over here, pouring Jello into the pool.

Lokar: The characters are narrating their actions instead of simply doing
them. It's like a bad 1960s Hanna-Barbera Cartoon.
Tansit & Brak: [wistfully] Yeah.

> 'Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad
>
> with Drake and Gizmo in the way
>
> amoebas in the water hose
>
> and Geary is gay!

Tansit: AAAAGH! STOP IT WITH THAT STUPID SONG! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S GAY!
[Brak and Lokar look at Tansit]
Tansit: [embarassed and defensive] Well, I mean, it's none of my business!
If I were him, I wouldn't want someone blabbering about it all over.
Lokar: Would you really want to BE this Geary person?
Tansit: Not if I gotta hang around with people like that, I don't!

> Morgana: Don't turn my pool into pudding!
>
> Mirage: No, it's Jello, it's bouncy and wiggly, that's jello.

Brak: It's Koochie-Koochie Girl Charo!

> Morgana: You turned my pool into pudding!
>
> Mirage: No, it's jello!
>
> March Feline: Ah! Jello!

Brak: [singing, to the tune of "Hello"]
Jello, I just got to let you know
I just love to eat you up
Though your blobs fall on my shirt,
As a snack 'round 'bout midnight
Or an after-lunch dessert.

> Mad Mystifier: Swimming time!
>
> Mystie and Feline dive into the jello pool. March Feline is wearing a
> lavender bikini, and Mad Mystifier is wearing a pink swimsuit with a tutu.
> A hole appears in the jello that seems to come out of nowhere.

Tansit: It didn't come out of nowhere. Mirage poured it into the pool,
remember?

> Morgana: What is that?
>
> March Feline: Hm? Oh, that's just Spud.
>
> Mad Mystifier: He just dived in. Spud is invisdible.

Lokar: And 'unspeldible'.

> Morgana: Look at this! Now my pool is pudding!
>
> Zebeckras: Actually, it's jello...

Brak: [singing] Jell-o my baby, Jell-o my honey, Jell-o my ragtime gal-

> Morgana: I've had enough of this! I'm going to turn you into a yak!
>
> March Feline: No! No! Zebeckras is our friend!

Tansit: [Yakko] She's our SPECIAL friend!

> Morgana: All the more reason to turn her into a yak! Isn't that right,
> Darkwing?
>
> Morgana looks down at Darkwing, who is staring at March Feline and
> drooling.

Tansit: I thought cats ate ducks, not the other way around.
Brak: I like pork.

> Morgana: ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DARKWING?!
>
> Darkwing: Hm? Oh, well, um...
>
> March Feline: Oh pleeeeeeease? Pleeeeease? With sugar on top?

Tansit: [March Feline] Pleeeeeease turn me into a yak!

> Morgana: No.
>
> March Feline: Waaaaaaaaaaah!
>
> Mad Mystifier: See what you've done? You're making her cry.
>
> March Feline: WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Lokar: Oh, turn her into a yak if it will make her shut her gob!

> Darkwing: Don't you think that she should at least have a trial?

Lokar: This dreck has been trying us for hours now, it seems. Is that not
sufficient?

> Morgana: Oh fine.
>
> Darkwing walked over to March Feline and puts his arm around her shoulder.

Tansit: And gives her the Vulcan Nerve Pinch.

> Darkwing: See, it's going to be okay.
>
> March Feline: *sniff* Thanks, how can I repay you?
>
> Darkwing: Well...

Tansit: [Darkwing] Why don't I just act out one of your fangirl fantasies,
hmm?

> Morgana: DARK!!!
>
> Darkwing: Yes, Morg?
>
> Morgana: If we're going to have a trial, let's get it over with!

Lokar: Indeed! For, as anyone who has seen the movie knows, the trial is
immediately followed by the END of the story.

> Everyone goes into court room.

Lokar: Narrator forgets use of articles, making narration read like police
report.

> Morgana: First witness.
>
> March Feline walks up to the stand.
>
> March Feline: Well, um, I was...

Lokar: Being exceptionally annoying.

> Dakrwing: Don't be nervous.
>
> March Feline: I was talking to my Auntie Mirage.

Tansit: Being annoying must run in the family.

> Morgana: Do you have any other witnesses?

Brak: Me! I saw her! And, boy, was she annoying!

> Darkwing: I saw her! She was standing to the side wearing a little bikini.
> You looked realy cute, too.
>
> March Feline: Well thank you. That's so sweet...
>
> Darkwing: It's true.

Brak: I don't feel so good.
Lokar: Someone has clearly attended to the Gonterman school of modesty.

> Morgana: Stop flirting!! Next witness!!
>
> Sassy walks up to the stand.

Brak: Oh, no...

> Morgana: Just tell us what you saw.
>
> Sassy: SAW?! CHAINSAW!!
>
> Sassy sprays everywhere and runs out the door.
>
> Zebeckras: This is so stupid.

Brak: Captain State-The-Obvious rides again!

> Morgana: THAT'S IT!!! YAK!!
>
> Darkwing: One more witness!
>
> Mad Mystifier: I don't know anything, I'm stupid.

Lokar: It is never too late for profound insights.

> Morgana: You must know something.
>
> Mad Mystifier: Well... hmmm... I think I know something. I think I know
> about how March Feline and the king are making out in the corner.

Tansit: March Feline's burping feathers.

> Morgana: WHAT?! Stop it!!
>
> Zebeckras: Look! It's the Cheshire Cat!!

Tansit: [near tears] Please, don't let her sing that stupid song any more!

> Mirage: Hello! I wonder if Morgana has legs, don't you?
>
> Zebeckras: Kinda...

Brak: You kinda wonder or she kinda does?
Lokar: How can any personnage "kinda" have legs?

> Mirage pulls up the queen's dress to reveal...
>
> Zebeckras: FROG LEGS!!!

Brak: Dinnertime!

> Morgana: WHAT?! THAT'S IT!! A YAK!! RIGHT NOW!!
>
> Morgana starts to chase after Zebeckras with her tarot cards following her.
> Then a bunch of fuzzy little anime animals in lacey underwear and chase
> after her, too.

Tansit: This is like a furry "Benny Hill" show.
[Brak begins humming "Yakkety Sax".]

> Zebeckras: Our mission is clear. Sterilize imperfections. Sterilize.
> Sterilize. We are a nomad. They wander without purpose and merge.

Tansit: [to Lokar and Brak] What in the heck's going on?!
Brak: I dunno! I got lost a long time ago.
Lokar: Simply more gratuitous fannish references that only detract from
the story, such as it is, and which only they and their friends will
understand.
Tansit: Oh, come ON!! It's from Star Trek, the original series! Nomad!
That droid that got damaged and merged with the other droid whose mission it
was ... to ... what? What are you staring at me like that for???

> Morgana: Come on!! Get her!! Slice her head in half!!

Lokar: You mean, turn her into a yak. Do be consistent.

> Meanwhile in the castle...
>
> Lavender: Oh my king!!
>
> Darkwing: Mmm... Lavender, call me Darkwing.
>
> Lavender: Oh Darkwing! Crown me!!

Lokar: Ugh. I never possessed the faintest urge to see that.
Tansit: But we didn't actually see anything.
Lokar: The very images it generated were enough to incite reverse
peristalsis.

> Back at the chase...

[Brak stars humming "Yakkety Sax" again.]

> Zebeckras: Help!!! Someone get me OUTTA HERE!
>
> Clouds start raining glitter. Ballroom music plays gently in the
> background. A pink cloud of smoke appears, and then clears. Aviatrix stands
> in the mist and glitter wearing a soft pink gown and holding a spatula.
>
> Zebeckras: WOOWW!! Who are you?

Brak: And where'd you get that spatula?
Tansit: I got it at Spatula City! Spatula city!

> Avi: I am Avi, the good witch of the North. I'm here to grant your wish,
> Zebeckras.

Tansit: [Zebeckras] Get me outta this creepy story!

> Zebeckras: You're gonna make Ryouga fall in love with me?

Lokar: She can only fulfil one fangirl's fantasy per day, and I believe
she met her quota just moments ago.

> Avi: No, I'm going to help you get home.
>
> Zebeckras: Footsies...
>
> Avi: Pardon?
>
> Zebeckras: Um, your dress has footsies...

Brak: Footsies?
Tansit: Footsies?

> Morgana: GET HER!!
>
> Avi: Quick Zebeckras! You need to get home!!
>
> Zebeckras: How?

Tansit: Get directions from P-chan, and go the opposite way.

> Avi: Here, put on these ruby footsies and click them together while
> repeating, "There's no place like Canada."

Tansit: Ah... The vast cornfields of Canada. No place like them, indeed.

> Zebeckras: *click* There's no place like Canada. *click* There's no place
> like Canada. *click*

Lokar: Except for Siberia.

> Dan: Zebeckras? What are you talking about?
>
> Zebeckras: Dan? Where am I?
>
> Dan: It's okay, you're here with me.

Tansit: Dan? Who is he?

> Zebeckras: Oh Dan, I feel so safe with you.
>
> Dan: You'll feel much better later once I have my Canadian Mountea outfit
> on.
>
> Zebeckras: Oh Dan!!
>
> THE END

[All three are silent for a moment. Then:]
Brak: COP OUT!! COP OUT!! COP OUT!!

>
>
> Credits

Lokar: Would anyone in their right mind consider inclusion in this
literary compost heap a credit?

> Alice- Zebeckras

Lokar: As the vaguely coherent masses are fond of saying: DUH.

> Alice's sister- Kasumi
>
> Diana (Alice's cat)- Ranma
>
> White Rabbit- P-chan
>
> Door- Quackerjack (who better to play a knob?)
>
> Dodo- Fenton
>
> Tweedle Dumb- Chris
>
> Tweedle Dumber- Geary
>
> Walrus- Mozenrath

Lokar: Is this Mozenrath character THAT long in the tooth?

> Carpenter- Aladdin
>
> Oysters- Chaos Sisters
>
> Oyster Mother- Mirage
>
> Bill (the lizard)- Camille

Lokar: Well, that explains a few things.
Tansit: What?
[Lokar opens his mouth to speak, then realizes he has no answer and shuts it
again.]

> Flowers- Mozekateers
>
> The Rose- Head Mozekateer (Wendy)

Lokar: Someone willingly *claims* this ... dubious title? [shakes head]
I have seen some truly pitiable things in my time, but this...
Tansit: It could be worse. They could be writing crummy stories and making
themselves and everybody else look like fools.
Lokar: [halfheartedly] Yes, there is that.

> Caterpillar- Lar
>
> Cheshire Cat- Mirage

Tansit: I thought she was the Oyster Mother.

> March Feline- Lavender Feline
>
> Mad Mystifier- Mystie
>
> Skunk (Mouse in movie)- Sassy
>
> Spud- Spud
>
> Spew- Spew
>
> Spud's extended family- Spud's extended family

Lokar: By the property of identity.

> Splatter (painting card in movie)- Splatter Phoenix
>
> Kenny- Kenny
>
> Playing Cards- TDA tarot Cards
>
> Croquet balls- Rescue Rangers
>
> Queen of Hearts- Morgana
>
> King of Hearts- Darkwing Duck
>
> Good Witch of the North- Aviatrix

Lokar: Let us now observe a moment of silence in sympathy for the people
and characters dragged into this drivel.
[Brak puts his hand over his heart and hums "Taps"]

> Disclaimer
>
> All Disney characters are owned by a guy who is now frozen in time like Han
> Solo.

Brak: Um, that's not right. Walt Disney was cremated and buried in
Forest Lawn.

> All "real" people are owned by themselves. Please do not copy or distribute
> them, without permission.

Lokar: However, it's PERFECTLY all right to use them in fan fiction
without first gaining their permission.
Brak: Yeah, but what if the real people find out about it?
[Lokar grins wickedly]

> Kenny is owned by those people that do South Park.

Lokar: And who three minutes of research would reveal to be Comedy
Central.

> Rumiko Takahashi is a cool person from whom we borrowed a few characters
> and ideas but only "with the most respect," but we wouldn't go making them
> gay or anything...

Tansit: [grumbling] Yeah, that's the ONLY way you didn't mess 'em up.

> The story and plot is owned by the Schizos

Brak: Schizos are sufferers of schizophrenia, a mental disorder evidenced
by disorganized speech and behavior, delusions, hallucinations, and a loss of
contact with reality.
Lokar: I see they at least understand the concept of truth in advertising.

> (Mystie and Lavender) and if you
> try to take it, we'll TELL YOUR MOMMY ON YOU!

Brak: But they stole this story from Disney! They copied it!
Tansit: Sheesh, they use a search-and-replace for a few names and think
they own it.
Lokar: You actually expect people utterly lacking in originality, taste,
or writing skill to comprehend the intricacies of copyright law?
Brak: [nervously] Um ... maybe you better not say that so loud.

> These songs, and other TERRIFIC parodies, are available from Schizo
> studios!

Tansit: Other terrific parodies? We haven't even seen ONE yet.
Brak: You took the words outta my mouth.

> If you are interested, please mail us at N...@fast.net and
> SlrM...@aol.com for further information.

Tansit: If you aren't interested, delete your bookmark right now!
Brak: And use that flashy memory eraser thingy from "Men in Black" to
make yourself forget you ever read this.

[Moltar's control room]
[Zorak and Moltar watch the words scroll off the screen]
Zorak: They oughtta be screaming for mercy by now! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Moltar: [dully] Uhhhh....
[Zorak looks at Moltar. The eyescreen on Moltar's helmet is filled with a
slowly spinning spiral.]
Zorak: Snap outta it! You weren't READING that thing, were you?!
[Moltar shakes his head. The spiral disappears.]
Moltar: Uh - ah - ugggh.
Zorak: [evil snicker]

[Green Room]
[Zorak's image appears on the screen. The others do not see him immediately,
as they are talking amongst themselves.]
Tansit: -but that story wasn't original at all.
Brak: Yes. Fan fiction has to be written by a fan, not just copied and a
few things changed.
Zorak: Hey!
Lokar: These fan fiction pages are not known to be hotbeds of creativity.
However, even among those who must base their works off of established
stories, this prattle was PARTICULARLY leechlike.
Zorak: HEY!
Tansit: And what they did change they didn't make any better. In fact,
they made things worse. "Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad", "Ameabas in the
waterhose"? What's THAT all about?
Lokar: Ahem, it is AMOEBAS or AMEBAS. Just because the authors lack a
spell checker does not excuse YOU.
Brak: An amoeba's a little critter that lives in water. They look like
fried eggs, only squigglier.
Zorak: *HEY!!!*
Brak: Oh, hi, Zorak. I didn't see you there.
Tansit: We were discussing the story you sent us.
Lokar: Or, more precisely, we were discussing the story you did NOT send
us.
Brak: Yeah, it doesn't count as a story at all! They didn't write it,
they copied it!
Zorak: Wha--? Of course it's a story! It's a piece of awful fan fiction!
Lokar: We have concurred that this story does not qualify as fan fiction
at all, but simply as an exercise in plagiarism. As well, it is so laughable
that it is hardly worth the time to ridicule. It appears that the authors
have taken the advice of Tom Lehrer to heart.
Zorak: Tom who?
Lokar: Tom Lehrer. I quote:
[singing] Plagiarize!
Let no one else's work evade your eyes!
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
So don't shade your eyes,
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize!
[speaking] And yet, it did serve its purpose of breaking up a long period of
boredom. For that, I must thank you.
Zorak: [baffled] THANK me?!
Lokar: Indeed. There is a niche for works of noncreativity such as this,
and it is to make one realize what a precious thing the use of the intellect
is, by illustrating it with so emphatic a counterexample.
Zorak: [angrily] You're not supposed to ENJOY it!
Lokar: Despite that, I did. And again, I thank you.
Zorak: RRRGH! GO - GO CHOKE YOURSELF!
[Zorak's image disappears from the screen. The door locks click open.]
Tansit: I don't believe it! You said THANK YOU to him for making us read
that story?! It was awful!
Brak: Yeah! I thought you hated him!
Lokar: I do. That is why I frustrated his desire to see the results of
his torture.
[Lokar buffs nonexistant nails on the chitin of his thoracic segment]
Lokar: It's called psychological warfare.
[Lokar gets off the couch and stalks toward the door, his smug demeanor fading
with every step. He opens the door and looks back at Brak and Tansit.]
Lokar: [low growl] I hate him more than EVER.
[Lokar slams the door behind himself.]

/ |
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/ |
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___________|/|____________
| ______________________ |\
| |J#~#-####*###-##*###+e| | |
| |##*#.##-#.##-#.##~c#*#| | |
| |##+###+##~##+##n+#*###| | |
| |##-#.##+##.-e##-####-#| | |
| |#-###-###+iW######-## | | |
| |##~#*###c*###*#+#.####| | |
| |###~#+S~.##-######~###| | |
| |##-#.###-#*~##-#~#.##%| | |
| |##s##*#+##+#-##.###+##| | |
| |M~##*#####-###~*####*6| | |
| ________________________ |/

This MiSTing is copyright (c) by the authors, JenW...@aol.com and
MsSc...@hotmail.com. Zorak, Moltar, Brak, Tansit, and Lokar are copyright
(c) Hanna-Barbera. Akane, Kasumi, Ranma, Ryouga, and P-Chan are copyright (c)
Rumiko Takahashi. Darkwing Duck, Morgana McCawber, the Rescue Rangers,
Mirage, Aladdin, Mozenrath, Quackerjack, Fenton Crackshell, Gizmoduck,
Splatterphoenix, and Camille Chameleon are copyright (c) Disney. Kenny is
copyright (c) Comedy Central. The TDA Tarot Cards are copyright (c) Larry
DeSouza. "Alice in Wonderland", originally by Lewis Carroll, is now in public
domain, but the movie by Disney is, of course, (c) Disney. Lyrics from the
song "Lobachevsky" are copyright (c) Tom Lehrer. All copyrighted characters
and works are used without permission. All real people own their own
copyrights. This MiSTing was done in the name of humor, and no malice (in
Wonderland) is intended to anyone.

> Zebeckras dissapears into the woods. She quickly walks away from the spot,
> which she had washed up upon. She accidently trips over a stick, to keep
> her self from falling grabs onto Geary's butt. Zebeckras shrieks in terror
> and hits Geary really hard.

so sez Jen "Call me MiSTer!" White.