MiSTed: "MIA #3: Red Dawn" 4/6

[Clo...@my-dejanews.com]

Continued from Part 3 of 6...

>"Are you an expert on transdimensional temporal physics ? I think
>not."

Tom: [Ssturn] Are you an expert on what I'm an expert on? I think not."

>"I understand this machine. Look !" A green hand reached out and
>flipped a switch. Nothing happened.

Crow: [Makes a buzzing sound] Oh, I'm sorry! You guessed incorrectly, but
we have some lovely parting gifts for you."

>"Very exciting. I'm impressed. You're lucky that wasn't something
>important."
>
>Ssturn frowned, "I could have sworn that was a chameleon system,"
>he muttered to himself.
>
>------------------------------
>
>"I thought you said Ra was one of these Osirans ?" Jamie was saying
>impatiently.
>
>"A confusion of names I'm sure, the two young men are basically
>incidental to the story.

Mike: Oh, as long as they were incidental...

>In both cases they come on warn Horus about something and are executed."
>
>"But they don't warn him about Kohentan both times do they ?"
>
>"Well, that's in the nature of myth. It distorts the truth, filtered
>though the perspective of a particular culture."

Tom: Until you get a rich, full-bodied flavor.

>"He has a point." Jamie looked over to see that it was one of the
>martians that had spoken. He didn't know which however. He was
>finding it hard to tell them apart, "All myth surely contains an
>element of truth. A thorough knowledge of the culture from which the
>myth springs increases one's chances of teasing the cultural
>prejudices aside from the truth of the tale."

Crow: Ha ha! They sure have a funny way of walking!
[Mike looks at Crow]
Mike: Crow, what are you doing?
Crow: I'm teasing the cultural prejudices.
[Mike slaps his head]
Tom: You walked right into that one, Mike.

>"That's as maybe, but I still don't see how this is going to help
>Victoria."
>
>"No, neither do I, immediately," murmured the Doctor, " but we shall
>see, every little helps you know."

Crow: [Old granny voice] What a helpful little you are.

>-------------------------------------------------
>
>Ra had been pursuing Kohentan for a long time. Both he and Horus
>suspected that Kohentan was no longer whole-heartedly supported them,
>but
>without proof of some kind it would be hard to convince the rest of
>the Osirans to do much about it.
>
>Attempts to probe Kohenten's mind had been fruitless. Ra feared that
>Kohenten had detected these attempts and erected barriers to thwart
>them.
>
>Subtlety was clearly required at this point. He directed a small,
>cloaked, scout ship,

Tom: Look alive, scout ship! Curtain goes up in half an hour!

containing Senkra, one of his lieutenants, and a handful
>of Ka'baa. Senkra had gained a reputation for boldness,
>daring and cunning, since as a young child he had once refused to
>capitulate a game of Checkai (something a bit like chess, except that
>it involved four dimensions and a number of extra moves involving
>telekinetic and telepathic nuances) after his opponent had made what
>was generally considered a decisive move in the first 3 days. Senkra
>had gone on to win the game, since the opponent had not been prepared
>for him to carry on and had had to concede through nervous exhaustion
>2 days later. If Ra sometimes wondered whether this was more a sign
>of luck and stupidity than bold cunning, he kept such thoughts to
>himself.

Crow: Unfortunately, we have to read about them.

>-------------------------------------------------
>
>"Do you mind if we come with you ?"

All: [Shouting] Yes!

>Jamie and the Doctor were halted as by one of the martians as they
>prepared to leave the TARDIS.
>
>"It's just that we feel kind of redundant here," said the other.

Mike: Who brought the Other into this?

>"...not doing anything, you might say..."
>
>"...and we do feel slightly responsible for your friends plight."
>
>"What we mean is that we would like to make amends."
>
>"Oh very well then," said the Doctor, pausing to frown at the two
>martians, "you might be of some use, but do be careful, this isn't
>some sight-seeing day trip we're on!".

Tom: Nice talk coming from a guy who wanted to watch a moon rise!

>---------------------------------------------------
>
>Within the Osiran pyramid Kohenten thought carefully. Somewhere below
>him was the landing area of the lost colony. It was this that had
>officially brought him to this world and, lest others become alerted,
>some effort should be made to investigate its disappearance. But
>first, he had altogether more interested avenues to explore.

Tom: Fifth!
Crow: Baltic!
Mike: Electric!

>A small glass of red liquid stood on the table. It was a concoction
>of his own, but a new one: there were some interesting chemical
>compounds in the bodies of these natives, and some interesting ones in
>the body he was currently using.

Mike: Oh, look! He's got a hobby!

>Although the overall make up was very different between the two
>species, he'd had some interesting thoughts about hybridization.
>
>Victoria's hand reached out for the glass and swiftly she drank it
>down. Kohentan lay in the monitoring cabinet, though many would have
>thought of it as a sarcophagus. Lights flickered over the inside
>surface, informing him of the changes taking place within this body.

Crow: It's called puberty, pal!
Tom: [In a motherly voice] It's a miracle! Our little tyrant is growing
into a megalomaniac.

>------------------------------------------------
>
>"What did you do that for then ?" complained Ssturn.
>
>"Do what for ?"
>
>"Suggest we go back with them ?"
>
>"You backed me up."
>
>"I thought you had a plan ?"
>
>"It seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought they had a plan.

Mike: You thought they had a plan? They thought they had a plan!

>Anyway it stopped you fiddling with their machine - I'd didn't want to
>get charge for accessory to criminal damage when they got back."
>
>"I wasn't fiddling I was conducting a scientific examination."
>
>"You were fiddling."
>
>"Anyway they don't have a plan do they."

Tom: They do so. They have plan B!

>"I have to agree there. Sneak back in and see what's going on is not
>exactly what I would call an intelligent plan."
>
>"So what are we doing here then ?"
>
>"Following them."
>
>"Yes, but why are we following them ?"

Crow: Why are we following THIS?

>"Because they have a plan. Not a very good plan I'll give you, but any
>plan is better than no plan at all, you have to admit that don't you."

[All begin screaming]
Tom: [Crying] I'm confused! Do they have a plan or don't they?!
Mike: [Also crying] I don't know! I don't know!
[They cry a bit longer. Mike puts his arms around the 'Bots]
Mike: Don't worry. We'll get through this.

>"True."
>
>The four figures trudged on in silence for a while.
>
>"Are you sure any plan is better than no plan?"

Crow: [Still sniffling] Don't make me come up there!

>"Yes I am, so shut up." There was another brief pause, "Anyway this
>would never have happened if you hadn't lost the Yad."
>
>"You can't be sure of that."
>
>Sskrantz and Ssturn stopped and looked at each other. Senkra's scout
>ship briefly appeared as the ka'baa pilot fizzled out and died.

Tom: [Singing] Aaand, another one bites the dust!

>Ssturn pointed.
>
>"Look !"
>
>"What ?" Sskrantz turned, but the ship had already recloaked, as
>another ka'baa took over. "There's nothing there."
>
>"I thought I saw something."
>
>"Well you didn't. Look we're falling behind."
>
>-------------------------------------------------
>
>Senkra monitored the four figures as they headed towards Kohenten's
>pyramid. These were clearly pilgrims travelling to pay homage to
>their gods.

Mike: You know guys, I think we just found some evidence supporting the
"Senkra is lucky and stupid" theory.

>This sort of thing happened on most worlds and was variously regarded
>as amusing or irritating, depending upon the individual temperament of
>the Osirians involved.
>
>For once, Senkra thought, it might be put to good use. He directed
>the Ka'baa pilot, who was called Ka'Rot to land the ship discretely in
>the path of the oncoming pilgrims so that he would encounter them
>before they reached Kohenten.

Tom: [As Edward G. Robinson] And make it look like an accident, see!

>---------------------------------------------------
>
>Kohenten examined the greenish tint that Victoria's skin had
>acquired. He was pleased to note that the hands and limbs had
>retained their finely developed manipulability. However he could now
>see in several different wavelengths, courtesy of the martian eyes
>that had developed thanks to the drugs.

Crow: I can barely stand to see this in one wavelength.

>He regarded the schematics that showed that the spine and head had
>acquired a tougher carapace, similar to that of the enhanced martians
>giving his new body the appearance of a human woman with a martian
>head and a pronounced ridge of vertebrae down her spine. It all looked
>very promising and Kohenten allowed himself a small deep chuckle at
>the thought of how well his carefully laid plans progressed.

Mike: Could his carefully laid plans move FASTER, please?

>Above, Ka'fek suppressed an involuntary shudder at the sound of
>Kohenten's laughter as a trick of the acoustics let it echo around the
>ship.
>
>
>
>Red Dawn
> Chapter 7 - Discosutekh

Mike: That's Swahili for "Disco Bar."

> by Jeffery Beuck
>
> "When I get my hands on that Kohentan, I'm gonna show
> him a thing or two for taking over Victoria like that,"
> Jamie muttered, shadow boxing an invisible opponent
> before him.

Crow: The sad thing is he's losing.

> The Doctor

Tom: The Doctor who?
Crow: Very funny...

> swatted down Jamie's hands. "Now,
> Jamie, this situation calls for brains, not braun.

Tom: [Jamie] Then I'm in deep ca-ca.

> I know
> you're not exactly gifted in the first department, but you
> have shown some promise on occasion."

Mike: [Jamie] Thahnk yew, Doctor, I'll jest go play wi' me Lincoln Logs
now...

> Jamie continued to trudge wearily towards the
> pyramid.

Crow: The real question here is: is he walking like an Egyptian?

> "Yeah, but if that Kohentan were man enough
> to fight face-to-face instead of hiding behind his little mind
> tricks, I'd teach him a lesson "
> "Great jumping pixie sticks -- what is that?"

Mike: Great jumping pixie sticks? This isn't Doctor Who, it's Carol
Channing!

> Jamie looked up to see that yet another pyramid had
> materialized right in their path. "Now where did that come
> from?"
> The Doctor stopped and held out his arm to halt
> Jamie's forward progress. "It just materialized there. It
> looks like another Osiran scout ship."

Tom: [Doctor] Great leaping hog handles!

> "Oh, aye."
> They waited for Sskrantz and Ssturn to catch up with
> them.

Crow: Wow, did you see that? It's Ssturn, king of all shock jocks!

> "It seems that more of your High Ones have
> arrived,"

Mike: Yeah, I guess it kinda looks like that, doesn't it?

> the Doctor muttered distastefully to them.
> "Another shrine," Sskrantz whispered in wonderment.
> "It appeared from thin air."
> "At least it has a working chameleon system," Ssturn
> murmured.

Crow: Hey, that wasn't funny. When does Ssturn start doing Fartman and
stuff like that?

> "Why couldn't the Osirans have just left the lesser
> races alone?" the Doctor cried angrily to no one in
> particular. He spun around to face the two Martians.

Tom: [Marvin] Hello, there, you pathetic little Earth cree-chore.

> His
> voice took on a darker, quieter tone. "There was once a
> time when I wandered the universe innocently, when I
> was content to drift and to observe the events taking
> place in the universe around me.

Crow: [Doctor] That's right, I was a bum.

> There was once a time
> when I would have observed the Osiran conquest of your
> world dispassionately, considered it just another part of
> the unbreakable chain of history. But seeing the atrocities
> that the Osirans have brought upon your world has made
> me very angry!

Tom: [Doctor] Very very angry! You might even go so far as to say I'm
PEEVED!

> Look around you! Your planet was once
> a lush paradise, thriving with plants of all shapes and
> colors! Water flowed in abundance!

Mike: There were theme parks, hot dog stands!

> Now look at your
> world. It's a red wasteland! The plants are gone, dust
> storms rise and fall even the once rich canals are
> beginning to dry up! And it's all because of the Osirans!"
> "Now just a minute there, Doctor "

Tom: [Ssturn] Yeah, back up the truck a sec there, Mr. high-falooting M.D.

> Sskrantz hissed in anger. "The High Ones were
> displeased with usss. That is why they brought the
> plague upon us."
> The Doctor stomped his foot like a little child. "You
> still have faith in the Osi the High Ones' after what
> they've done to your planet?? The High Ones aren't to be
> worshipped they're to be fought against!"

Mike: [Doctor] Just look what they're doing to my PUNCTUATION!

> "The Doctor speaks much sense," Ssturn commented.
> "Heretic!" objected Sskrantz. "You didn't come on
> this pilgrimage to pay homage to the High Ones. You
> only intended to study their machinery, to treat the
> chariots of the gods as if it they could be understood like
> any common piece of technology."

Crow: [Sskrantz] To steal their car radios and have their chariots up on
cement blocks!

> "That is true," Ssturn agreed. "But what does it
> matter? Look what the High Ones have done to our
> companions who reached here ahead of us! The High
> Ones changed them, made monstrosities of them!

Tom: [Ssturn] Made them join the Kathy Lee fan club!

> Do you
> wish to permanently become like them? I say we join the
> Doctor and do what we can to welcome, O messenger
> of the High Ones!"
> Ssturn and Sskrantz bowed before the humanoid
> who had emerged from the scout pyramid and who now
> stood before them. Ka'rot

Crow: Ka'rot??!!
[Uproarious laughing]
Tom: Bugs Bunny's around here somewhere looking for him...

> studied the Martians and their
> companions with a mixture of amusement and disdain.
> "Natives," he began, "I speak for Senkra, servant of the
> terrible Ra, follower of the mighty Horus, greatest of the
> Osirans." He stood back, awaiting the natives to prostrate
> themselves in awe before him.
> " Roommate of the dreadful Delores, cousin of the
> semi-terrifying Fred, neighbor to the inoffensive Bob?"
> challenged the Doctor.

Mike: Wow, looks like the Doc is doing our job for us.

> Ka'rot frowned at the native who had dared to mock
> him. This wasn't the way primitives usually responded.
> He looked the pale-faced alien with the unruly mop of hair
> up and down. Such insolence! "Silence! Hear me. The
> great Senkra requires a task of you."

Tom: [Ka'Rot] You must go and pick up the great Senkra's grandma, who is
at the FEARSOME airport even now...

> "What if we choose not to carry out this great task?"
> the Doctor countered. He suddenly clutched his hands to
> his temples and fell to the ground in agony.

Crow: [Ka'Rot] Hey, cool. He had an aneurysm before I had to impose my
<ahem> MIGHTY WILL!

> "You will obey the great Senkra. You will all obey
> the great Senkra. It is the will of the gods. You have no
> other choice."

Tom: [Ka'Rot] You are getting sleepy. When you awaken, you will be Doctor
Chicken.

>
> The moment Senkra's scout ship decloaked, every alarm
> on Kohentan's ship blared into pandemonium.

Mike: [Ship] The current application has caused a general protection fault.
It will be shut down.

> "What is
> happening?" yelled Ka'fek to the other Ka'baa.
> "The real minions of Horus have arrived," bellowed
> the voice of Kohentan from the doorway. Ka'fek turned
> and discovered that Kohentan had altered the
> physiognomy of his female servant. No longer did she
> appear weak, vulnerable, and feeble; she now possessed
> the eyes, head, and back of a warrior.

Crow: Which she kept in a box in her room.

> The servant spoke
> again. "A scout ship has landed nearby. There is one
> Osiran on board who calls himself Senkra. He is a loyal
> follower of Horus. We do not have much time. Direct the
> servitors to dig more quickly burn them out if you have
> to. Recall the converted natives and put them to work in
> the dig as well. We must reach the lost colony before
> Horus and his main party arrives. See to it!"
> Ka'fek and his fellow Ka'baa shuddered in terror.

Mike: They just thought of "Sweatin' To The Oldies" at the exact same
moment.

> Adding extra mental power to increase the speed of the
> servitors was equivalent to signing their own death
> warrants. But they existed only to serve Kohentan. They
> obeyed without question.
>
> The Doctor, Ssturn, and Sskrantz watched as the servitor
> robots approached Jamie with a bomb. They each
> possessed a similar bomb, strapped to their backs with a
> booby-trapped harness.

Mike: Since when did "Jeffery Beuck" become a pseudonym for Gerry Davis?

> "Oh, no! Ye ain't strapping one of them bombs on
> me!" Jamie shouted, backing away from the mummies.
> "Now, Jamie, do what they say, or you'll die sooner
> rather than later. Remember, while there's life, there's
> hope!"

Tom: Hey, who's talking?
Crow: I think it's his conscience.
Mike: I don't know about you guys, but my conscience has never said "Turn
yourself into a human time bomb!"

> Jamie muttered something about Sassenachs before
> he finally acquiesced. He flinched as the robot locked the
> harness into place. "Ow! Hey, be careful there ye great
> big mummy!"

Mike: [Mummy, in a hollow monotone] Juuust dooing my jooooob...

> Ka'rot looked on in satisfaction as the last explosive
> device was strapped into place. "Go now. Make your
> way to Kohentan's pyramid, and offer yourselves as the
> ultimate sacrifice to Horus the Immortal."

Tom: [Ka'Rot] Then explode.

> The natives
> walked down the ramp of the ship, muttering and
> complaining to themselves. Ka'rot watched them go in
> relief. These impudent natives deserved to die.
> Senkra observed the proceedings from his control
> room. The game was afoot. He would finally show Ra
> that his legendary victory at Checkai was not a fluke, but
> a simple demonstration of his abilities as master
> strategist.

Crow: This is a guy who played Risk too much as a kid.

>
> "Lord, we have reached the entrance to the lost colony,"
> Ka'fek reported.

Tom: [God] All this to build an ark?

> "Excellent. Take a servitor robot to the entrance of
> the colony with you. The entrance will be protected by
> snares and entrapments for the unwary. I will guide you
> as you make your way inside."

Crow: [Kohentan] Now you'll see a Dairy Queen on your left, if you pass that
and see a "Chuck E. Cheese" billboard, you've gone too far...

> Ka'fek telepathically
> ordered one of the servitor robots to follow him, and
> together they left Kohentan's ship.
> Kohentan felt pleased with himself. Soon he would
> unleash the plague which had destroyed the members of
> the first colony upon Horus and his unsuspecting minions.

Mike: <gasp!> The MACARENA!

> And Kohentan would arise as the only survivor, to lead
> the Osirans into a new age of glory.
> The body of Kohentan rose from its slab. His
> glowing eyes pierced the darkness. He strode slowly,
> gracefully, to the table which now held a larger glass of a
> slightly modified red liquid. Using his telekinesis, he
> picked up the glass, brought it to his lips, and drank it
> down.

Crow: [Kohentan] Another long shift at the 'Psychic Friends Network' I
guess...

> All of his experimentation on the natives had not
> been without purpose.
> The transfiguration of Kohentan had begun.

Tom: He's getting plastic surgery for those glowing eyes, I'll bet.
Mike: They're great for icebreakers, but it gets a little old after a while.

>
> The Doctor, Jamie, Ssturn, and Sskrantz peered from
> behind a dune of red sand at the activity going on behind
> Kohentan's pyramid. A file of robots and Martians was
> carting piles of dirt and sonically pulverized rock from the
> mouth of a cave set into the mountain itself.

All: [Robots singing] You load sixteen tons, and what do you get...
Crow: Hey, this is a documentary about Kathy Lee's new clothing shops,
right?

> Occasionally, a robot, Ka'baa, or even a Martian would
> collapse onto the ground from exhaustion.
> "What do ya think they're doing, Doctor?" Jamie
> asked.

Tom: [Doctor] Sleeping, it seems.

> "It seems they're digging a tunnel into the ground."
> "I can see that. But what for?"

Crow: [Doctor] For their basement. I don't know!

> "I might be able to answer that," responded Sskrantz.
> "This was once the site of a High One manifestation
> many, many years ago. That is why we make pilgrimages
> to Olympus Mons."
> "So " the Doctor pondered. "Kohentan is looking for
> something the previous Osirans left behind. I wonder
> what it could be "

Crow: Their toothbrushes?
Mike: A child?
Tom: [Maculey Culkin] AHHHHHHH!

> "Look! They're stopping!" observed Ssturn.
> As they watched, the line of robots and Ice Warriors
> emerging from the cave ended, and the Ice Warriors
> moved aside to rest. A Ka'baa and a mummy emerged
> from the pyramid and strode toward the entrance.

Crow: This is a dramatization of the first time a black child went to a
white school, right?
Tom: Uhhhh, not quite.

> "It looks like they've found whatever it was they
> were looking for," the Doctor observed. "Come along!
> Let's go see what they've found!"
> Jamie tugged on the sleeve of his coat. "Aye,
> Doctor, have ye no' forgotten about the booby-traps
> we're wearin'?

Mike: [Doctor] How can I? It chafes like all get out!

> We'll be blown ta bits if we don't enter
> Kohentan's pyramathingie."
> The Doctor brushed him aside. "Oh, I'm sure they're
> harmless now. Kohentan won't allow them to go off this
> close to his ship. I think we were meant to be more of a
> distraction than a destructive threat. Now come along!"

Tom: BOOM! [Doctor] I could be wrong.

> The Doctor topped the dune and scampered on down the
> hill.
> "Och," Jamie muttered and set off after him.

Crow: Yuck, Jamie just hocked one up right on the dune side.

> As they reached the bottom of the hill, several of the
> newly transformed Ice Warriors rose to greet them, the
> sonic guns on their armor raised menacingly.

Mike: [Ice Warriors] We'd like to see some ID, sir; this is a drinking
establishment.

> The Doctor
> just strode on by. "We're armed!" he warned as he
> scurried on past.

Mike: [Ice Warriors] Uh, duhhhhh...ok...

> "We're having a blast," Jamie said as he quickly
> followed after the Doctor. The Ice Warriors tracked them
> with their guns, but feared to fire on the chance that they
> might accidentally set off the bombs and destroy their
> master's ship.
> Ssturn and Sskrantz arrived more casually, and stared
> aghast at their comrades. "What have the High Ones
> done to you?" Ssturn asked sadly of his former hajj
> companions.

Tom: Hajj? Is that Hebrew?
Crow: No, it's that sound you make when you are choking.

> "Ianzlyr, how do you feel about those ridges
> on your back?"

Tom: And how do you feel about the fact that your name cannot be
pronounced?

> He turned to another of his former
> associates. "Szylzsk, how do you feel about that bony
> head?" The Ice Warriors continued to stare at them, guns
> raised and aimed, but afraid to fire because of the
> explosives strapped to their backs. "Do none of you
> remember us? Are none of you free to think for
> yourselves? Have all of you been reduced to nothing
> more than puppets, incidental characters in a tragedy
> written by the High Ones,

Crow: Copyrighted by High Ones, Incorporated,

> created simply to play your
> parts and then die?" He turned to Sskrantz and sighed.
> "Do you really wish to become like them? Drained of all
> free will, sent to die tragically when and where the High
> Ones command it? No no not for us, not like that.
> Dying is not romantic, and death is not a game which will
> soon be over. Death is not anything. It's the absence of
> presence "

Mike: [Ssturn] Uh, death like...sucks, y'know?

> "You know, I think I'm beginning to see now what
> the Doctor meant to the High Ones, we're not
> respectable and loyal servants we're nothing more than
> pawns in a game to them.

Tom: [Ssturn] They don't even give us PUNCTUATION!

> Look how they've changed the
> world, destroyed what was once beautiful they have no
> more respect for our world than do the Yads that
> mindlessly destroy everything in their path. I think it is
> time we stood up for ourselves and protested the
> deformations that are being done to our fellows."

Crow: [Ssturn] We'll stage a sit-in! Who's with me?!

> "Er, which High Ones should we stand up for
> ourselves to?"

Tom: Is there a directory of High Ones?...Maybe a reference book...I dunno,
something!

> "I don't fancy becoming deformed zombies like them.
> Let's protest to the other ones."

Mike: Heh, there's your brave rebel leaders...

> "Good idea."
>
> Ra cut short Senkra's report as a message arrived from
> Horus.
> "Glorious battle has been joined.

Mike: Stop.

> The defeat of
> Sutekh the destroyer is inevitable.

Tom: Stop.

> Make sure the way is
> prepared. We shall celebrate by dragging the traitor in
> chains through the worlds he has ravished. Make sure the
> way is prepared."

Mike: [Message] Did I say that already?
Crow: [Message] Hope to see you soon. Give Grandma my love.

> Ra hoped against hope that his faith in Senkra's
> abilities would not be misplaced.

Mike: He had a lotta money riding on this horse.

>
> The Doctor and Jamie suddenly found themselves against
> a dead end, a wall covered in mysterious glyphs and
> symbols. Jamie stared around him, looking for the pair
> they had followed. "Where did they disappear to? Och,
> Doctor, I think ye took a wrong turn."

Crow: All these "Och"s, I think Jamie has emphysema or something.

> "Nonsense, Jamie. I distinctly saw them come down
> this path. They must have found a way through the wall
> somehow."

Tom: Oh, yeah, it's far more likely that they passed through a solid wall
than for YOU to have lost them...sure, Doc...

> "Oh, you mean a secret panel. Well, I reckon one of
> these buttons should do the trick." Jamie reached out to
> touch one of the glyphs, but the Doctor quickly snatched
> his hand back.

Mike: [Rainman] Hot water! Burn baby!

> "Ow! What did ye do that for?"
> "I'm sure that the Osirans in their legendary
> deviousness took pains to booby-trap the wall to prevent
> people who weren't authorized from entering."

Mike: That's a lot of trouble to go to just to avoid Jehovah's Witnesses.

> "Oh, ye mean like us." The Doctor threw him an
> angry glare.
> "STOP RIGHT THERE."

Tom: [Singing] I gotta know right now...before we go any further, do you
love me? Will you love me forever?...

> The Doctor and Jamie turned to see an Ice Warrior
> covering them from the entranceway to the passage. But
> it wasn't an average Ice Warrior.

Crow: It was an Extra-Chunky Ice Warrior!

> It had human-like
> fingers and was wearing a skirt.

Tom: Don Ho?

> "Victoria!" the Doctor shouted. "Oh my giddy aunt,
> what have they done to you?"

Mike: [Victoria] Relax, Doc, breast reduction is a perfectly safe operation.

> "You will not interfere," Victoria/Kohentan replied.
> "The Age of Kohentan is at hand."

Mike: [Victoria] It's his birthday, and he'll cry if he wants to.

>
>
>Red Dawn
>Chapter VIII - New Moon

Tom: AKA, "Chapter Eight: Will the pain end?"

>By David Burke

Crow: I'm adding him to my list of "'Doctor Who' Authors To Pester."

>
>"STOP RIGHT THERE."

Tom: Hey, didn't we see that already?

>
> The Doctor and Jamie turned to see an Ice Warrior covering them from
>the entranceway to the passage. However, it was not an average Ice
>Warrior. It had human-like fingers and was wearing a skirt.

Crow: I don't know about you, but I'm getting serious deja vu here.

>
>"Victoria!" the Doctor shouted.

Mike: [Doctor] Holy jumping milkmaids in May!

>"Oh my giddy aunt, what have they
>done to you?"
>
> "You will not interfere," Victoria/Kohentan replied. "The Age of
>Kohentan is at hand."
>
>Kohentan reached out telepathically to rip the aliens' minds to
>shreds. He touched the mind of younger alien, and hesitated.

Crow: [Kohentan] Maybe I should go pick up the dry cleaning first. Then
again, I was gonna eviscerate their minds anyway, so while I'm
here...

>The
>creature believed it came from the next planet, but the mammals there
>had barely evolved beyond the tool use stage. Interplanetary travel
>was centuries beyond their capability. He withdrew the tendrils of his
>psyche and reached out to the other alien, a brief flash of a world
>far away, of a race that believed themselves to be Lords of Time,

Mike: Wow, that's a new evolutionary progression. "We're finding fire,
we're inventing the wheel, BOOM!, we're Lords of Time."
Tom: [Tearfully] They grow up so fast.

>and
>then the alien threw up a mental barrier. Kohentan reacted by
>channelling more psi-energy at the target, but as he did so, felt his
>hold on the alien vessel he inhabited begin to slip. He withdrew his
>mind. These aliens could have useful knowledge;

Tom: [Kohentan] They could have two-for-one coupons...

>it would not be wise
>to reduce them to mindless slaves yet.
>
>"Who are you?" Kohentan asked
>

Crow: [Doctor] As if you didn't KNOW!

>"I'm the doctor, this is Jamie, and you're Victoria."
>
>"I am Kohentan, of Phaester Osiris, soon to be the most powerful
>entity in the Universe. You will have the honour of serving me, you
>will tell me the secrets of time-travel, and then work in the mines on
>Phaester Osiris until your deaths."

Mike: These are warning signs that your loved one is mentally ill.

>
>"Thank you for the job offer, but no thanks. I don't get on with
>megalomaniacs,

Tom: [Kohentan] It wasn't like I was interested in the first place, HMPH!

>all of that 'Nothing in ze world can stop me now' gets
>a bit wearing."
>
>Kohentan nearly unleashed his full psi-energy to shred the alien's
>mind for this insolence, but restrained himself.

Mike: He had to remember his high blood pressure...

>He needed this
>creature's knowledge. There would be plenty of time later to make it
>suffer for the insults.

Crow: Nothing like a procrastinating overlord to make a really good
antagonist..."I'll burn the village tomorrow, I'm not feeling very
'rape-and-pillagey' today..."

>
>* * *
>
>Senkra was watching through the eyes of the alien called Jamie.

Mike: He felt the sudden urge to shout "OCH!"

>He
>considered activating the explosives, but destroying the body that the
>traitor Kohentan inhabited would achieve little. He had to destroy the
>ship with Kohentan's real body in it. Kohentan was hardly likely to
>let these aliens with explosives strapped to them walk onboard. He
>therefore made no effort to prevent Kohentan from deactivating the
>devices. Senkra would have to use these aliens to watch and find out
>what was being planned. There were still the two Martians with active
>bombs, who might be able to gain entry to the ship.

Crow: [Senkra] They're "my favorite Martians."

>
>* * *
>
>The massive globe that was Ra's battle barge entered its orbit around
>the fourth planet of this insignificant star system. The ship's probes
>started to scan the inner planets for suitable sites for the prison
>that would hold Sutekh for eternity. The ship was so vast that it
>looked as though Mars had gained a second moon.

Mike: Or that the first one had really plumped up.

>

Tom: Ooookay, that's all for THIS paragraph. Three sentences and we're
done. Same time tomorrow, people?

>* * *

Crow: Drat! We're not out of this yet...

>
>Ka'fek and the servitor robot ceased to exist as they triggered a trap
>that unleashed a wave of energy that shredded their bodies into their
>constituent molecules and scattered them across the corridor.

Mike: So that was a bummer. BUT, they did manage to catch the last half
hour of the Sinbad Comedy Jam before they went, so everything
worked out okay.

> The
>Ka'baa are not noted for their initiative, and Osirian complexes are
>full of deadly traps.
>
>* * *
>
>Kohentan felt the disappearance of Ka'fek. He had to gain entry to the
>old colony. He had realised that the Ka'baa would struggle to avoid
>the traps, but he had been willing to risk casualties. Now time was no
>longer on his side, with Senkra's scout ship on the surface and Ra's
>battle barge in orbit. He would have to risk this alien, who had the
>kind of intellect to avoid the traps. It was a gamble, he might lose
>the chance to extract the secrets of time-travel, but he had to get
>the plague. He could always hunt down others of this Time Lord race.

Tom: He could always put an ad for Time Lords in the paper.

>
>"You will enter the lost colony, find the biological research centre,
>obtain samples of the plague that they were working on and bring them
>back to me."

Tom: [Hypnotized] Yeessss masterrrr...
Mike: Snap out of it, Tom!

>
>"If we refuse?"

Crow: [Kohentan] We'll "pants" you.

>
>"You will die, a death that will span centuries of agony, every nerve
>in your body will suffer pain beyond you imagination."

Tom: [Kohentan] You'll watch...BARNEY!!!
[Everybody screams]

>
>"Jamie, I think I'd really like to explore this lost colony. Shall we
>go?"
>
>"Aye, Doctor."

Continued in Part 5 of 6...

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