[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 8 of 9)

[Shay_...@letterbox.com]

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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 8 of 9

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 20
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: The end is in sight...

>
> Princess Sally wanted to do two things with the revelation that Davey
> Crockett is Robotnik's son: One,

CROW: Fertilize her garden.

> she wanted Davey to remember and keep what
> Robotnik was before, that good and noble Mobius-loving Julian Kintobor that
> was in fact Davey's father. And the other,

TOM: Scare off burglars.

> and this keeps her up at night,

TOM: Whoop-de-doo.

> she didn't want Davey to associate any feelings he had for his father on
> Robotnik himself,

MIKE: But Robotnik is his father!

> so that when he should meet him one day, he would not have
> that between himself and defeating him,

CROW: So Davey's gonna defeat himself.
TOM: Seems so.

> even if he has to do it by killing
> him.

CROW: And he's gonna kill himself.
TOM: Sounds like it.
MIKE: No, no, I think the "himself" and "he" are Davey, but the two "him"s are
Robotnik/Julian.
CROW: The reverse image of Oedipus Rex, eh?

> That's what she wanted to do when they gave David all of Julian's
> trinkets and clothing during that rainy week afterward. She also wanted to

MIKE: Start collecting bottle caps.

> do a mock

TOM: Hey, Sal's a MSTie too!

> funeral for Julian Kintobor, for the benefit of his son,

CROW: Ed Asner!

> David.

CROW: D'oh!
MIKE: You were close, though.

> It was supposed to be done according to Mobian custom, but they had to wing
> it at some places.
> Like actually having something to bury. Davey done this

CROW: Can't done this.

> --he *had* to
> do it.

TOM: Sonic had a gun to his throat!

> Mobian custom--by PKZIPping

ALL: Gesundheit.

> the entire contents of Julian, his new
> pocket computer with his father's memories, into his remaining supply of 3
> 1/2 inch disks

MIKE: Oh, come on, he'd need hundreds!

> he brought with him from Earth. He placed them in a cigar

CROW: Warehouse.

> box some of Dad's metals were stored in. It was too small for bed sheets,

TOM: In fact, it was too small for a bed.

> so he wrapped it in a pillow case. "It looks like I done *cremated* the
> man," Davey commented.
> Davey carried the 'coffin' with both hands,

CROW: As opposed to one hand, his left tail, and a foot.

> draped in another item
> brought in from Earth;

MIKE: His gun rack!

> the flag of Davey's country, referred to as
> "America."

TOM: Sentence fragments.
CROW: Davey spoke in.
MIKE: We made fun of.

> It made a perfect pall.

MIKE: [ Barney ] Hi! Will you be my pall?
BOTS: AAAAAAAA!!

> Davey had on his father's uniform,

CROW: Which fit his head perfectly.

> which was *his* now, even though the pants were baggy and the sleeves were
> too long--Julian *was* a human, after all--

TOM: Well, du-u-uh.

> and a black sash wrapped around
> him, a'bakhat,'

CROW: What's that?

[ Mobius ]

PEARL: Ew, I remember that from "Two Shades of Sally".

[ Theater ]

TOM: Oh.

> Sally called it; something he should wear for the next ten
> days he was told.

MIKE: A comma-removing device I believe.

> He led the march toward the gravesite, followed by the
> rest of the Freedom Fighters, some of them surprised to find themselves

TOM: Wearing frilly teddies.

> crying over the pseudo-death of their enemy. Davey was crying more over the
> beauty of the ceremony itself.
> According to custom again, a certain Mobian requiem would be played, or
> sung, or whatever,

ALL: SHUT UP!!

> during this funeral march. Davey selected something from
> his collection of CDs

CROW: Now when did he bring all of this crap from Earth? Before or after he
got his arm replaced and went through the Void, never to return?

> for the right song. It was played by Sonic on his
> guitar, since he heard that song being played, and it thought it was

MIKE: Catchphrase alert.

> 'way
> past cool.' he sang the words over an acoustic guitar that twanged up and
> down . . .
>

TOM: Not another song!
MIKE: This is like a bad Disney cyberpunk comedy!

> Voices, A thousand, thousand voices

CROW: [ howling ] STOP IT!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!

> Whispering, the time has passed for choices

TOM: Oh, I see, like for example, it's too late for Davey's parents to choose
abstinence.

> Golden days are passing over, yeah
> I can't seem to see you Daddy

CROW: Cause I'm the son of the Invisible Man, Daddy.

> Although my eyes are open wide

MIKE: Wide, wide, wide, snap.

> But I know I'll see you once more
> When I see you, I'll see you on the other side

CROW: Of love...

> Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side

TOM: Of the street.

> Leaving, I hate to see you cry

MIKE: Ba-du-ba-du-du...

> Grieving, I hate to say goodbye

MIKE: Ba-du-ba-du-du...

> Dust and ash forever, yeah
> Though I know we must be parted

CROW: Well, our hair, at least.

> As sure as stars are in the sky

MIKE: No, no, they're down, down, down underneath us, down...
CROW: Mike, stop it.

> I'm gonna see you when it comes to glory

MIKE: Down...

> And I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side

MIKE: Of eternity.

> Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side

TOM: Of my toast.

> Never thought I'd feel like this

CROW: Never thought I'd feel a kiss... and I was right, too.

> Strange to feel alone
> But we'll be together

CROW: In Hell.

> Carved in stone, carved in stone, carved in stone
> Hold me, hold me tight,

ALL: No!

> I'm falling
> Far away, distant voices calling

MIKE: If only we were distant.

> I'm so cold, I need you by me, yeah
> I was down, but now I'm flying
> Straight across the great divide

MIKE: And then down, down--
BOTS: MIKE!!

> I know you're crying, but I'll stop your crying
> When I see you, I'll see you on the other side

TOM: The dark side of the moon.

> Yes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other side

CROW: Of Orson Welles.

> I'm gonna see you, see you on the other side

MIKE: OK.

> God knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeah.

TOM: I know already!

>
> Davey lowered it to the grave, allowed to place it directly in there
> with his hand--It was *small,* after all--

CROW: Yeah, it only took up a couple of acres.

> then he allowed everybody else do
> actually do the burying, one handful at the time. Suni held him as he cried

CROW: Oh no.

> on her shoulder all that time.

CROW: No. NO.

> This time, it was *her* that licked away his
> tears, as he himself had done just a few months ago.

CROW: AAAAARGH!!!

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Ten Days Later:

MIKE: Davey went to a hockey game and the apocalypse broke out.

> It was a bright sunny day when Davey finally got out of the hut. It
> also matched the brightfullness

CROW: Is that even a word?
TOM: Is "gnauletfashion" a word?
CROW: Good point.

> of his heart. It was as if all of Mobius
> was welcoming David Kintobor, a.k.a. Davey Crockett, into their arms as one
> of its own.

TOM: My god, I am glad that this is close to ending.

> He and Sonia were romping around the forest in a game of tag
> after a quickie

CROW: EEEEWWWW!!!

> breakfast.

CROW: oh.
MIKE: Betcha wish you didn't have such a dirty mind *now*, don't you?

> They tumbled into an oversized ball of fur and
> quills

TOM: And Davey died of puncture wounds.

> when they tackled each other, bouncing around for a while before
> ending up with one of the two in a pinning predicament.

TOM: Please?

> The score was tied
> when they roll around the Power Ring Lake and near Princess Sally, when the
> two pop out for the last time. This match is to be a draw.

CROW: Oh, well, thanks for ruining the last possible vestige of suspense.

> "Good morning, Davey, or is it David?"

TOM: Lump Chunkbuns.

> "Davey, David, Dave, whatever. As long as you mean me."

MIKE: Oh, so "craphead" will do? How lovely.

> "<Sally laughs> I'm glad to see that you're feeling better, my
> friend."

CROW: [ Sally ] Now see if you can challenge my rap.

> "I'm glad too, Sally. So tell me, anything on the agenda today, now
> that I'm back on-line?"

TOM: [ Sally ] You're scheduled to crash at 7:30.

> "Oh, something that would interest Suni: Your cosine Speedy's

MIKE: [ snort ] Yeah, and I have a tangent named Checkers.
CROW: I've got a sine named Fido.

> coming
> here to train."
> "That's great Sally.

MIKE: And that's good Sally, and that's evil Sally, and they're all annoying
Sally.

> You'd like her, Dave.

CROW: She can plot contrive with the best of 'em!

> Dark purple, fast as

CROW: [ high-pitched ] Fast can be, you'll never catch me!

> Sonic,

MIKE: Oh, she's a fanfic writer's character, with the powers of three and a
half regular characters. Not that I am bitter.

> and has a 'New Yoirkain' accent."

TOM: [ Sally ] Even though I have no idea what New York is.
CROW: Oh, actually, they changed the name recently, to "New Gonter".
ALL: [ snicker ]

> "Oh-oh, somebody better tell the Hedgehog to stay off the road!"

CROW: Or there'll be road pizza on the grill tonight!
MIKE, TOM: Yuuuck!!

> "She'll be over at Minoc Grove, Davey.

MIKE: Minoc Grove: the multi-conglomerate 73-story mall of Mobius.

> I need you to pick her up, and

TOM: [ Sally ] Uh, some stuff, too.

> some stuff too,

TOM: D'oh!

> while you're at it."
> "I'll gas up the bike and

MIKE: [ Davey ] Light it on fire, just for kicks!

> get over there, Sal. Wanna come with me,
> Suni?"
> "Yeah, I'd love to . . . er,

CROW: [ Sonia/Suni ] No, wait, I wouldn't.

> I wanted to go with you anyway, next time
> you went to Minoc Grove."
> "Why's that?

TOM: [ Sonia/Suni ] That way there'll be less witnesses.

> Oh, silly me, I haven't taken you for a ride yet, haven't
> I?"

CROW: [ quickly ] Have I.

> "Not that. It's just that I don't want you to run into Packbell again
> without me being involved in it, either."

TOM: [ Sonia/Suni ] I wanna help you die.

> Davey laughs for the first time since his mission to Robotroplis.

ALL: [ monotone ] Hahaha.

> "Okay, Sonia, let's go."
>
> The End

ALL: Woooo! It's over!!
TOM: The two most wonderful words in the English language!
CROW: Thank you, God.
TOM: I count 106 uses of the word "Sonic", 84 uses of the word "Sally", 66
uses of either "Sonia" or "Suni", and 404 uses of "Dave", "Davey", and
"David".
CROW: Kinda puts the self-insertion of this fanfic into perspective.
MIKE: Man, that robot memory of yours must be great for totally useless
activities.
TOM: I like to think so.
CROW: Let's go before I turn into a fox again.
MIKE: [ as they leave ] Crow...

[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]

[ INT SOL ]

MIKE: Phew, that was a stinker!
BOTS: Yeah.
MIKE: Hey, I just remembered a quote I heard from Colin Lamb. Wanna hear it?
BOTS: OK.
MIKE: Ahem: "... went to see a sneak preview of 'The Lost World.' I was going
to dwell on all that was wrong with this movie, but decided instead to
focus on what was good about it instead. Here goes: It finally ended,
and this proved to me that God exists, and it is a good and merciful
God."
TOM: I think we'd like him if we met him.
[ The Mads Sign flashes. ]
MIKE: Oh, what does ol' Mrs. Spaz want now? [ Mike hits the Mads Sign Signal-
Thingy(tm). ]

[ Mobius. Observer is examining a computer and waving one hand over his
brain. ]

PEARL: Hey, Mikey! How's Life?

[ SOL. M&TB stare blankly. ]

[ Mobius ]

PEARL: Never mind. I've been chatting with Davey--
DAVEY: Hi.
PEARL: And he brought something to my attention.
DAVEY: The fanfic you guys just watched was an old version. I've got a new
version of what *really* happened on my site.

[ SOL ]

MIKE: [ over-dramatically ] You mean we have to watch the entire fanfic
again?!
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

[ Mobius ]

PEARL: No way! I don't plan for you to commit suicide! That'd ruin all of my
plans! I'd have to send Brain-Ball and Booboo into the theater! No,
you'll just be watching the parts that've been changed from the version
you just saw.

[ SOL ]

ALL: [ collective relieved sigh ]

[ Mobius ]

PEARL: Observer's comparing the versions now.
OBSERVER: Done! The differences are in the introduction and everything after
page 18.

[ SOL ]

ALL: Hooray!
MIKE: [ singing ] Only three more pa-ages!
CROW: [ singing ] Only three more pa-ages!
TOM: [ singing ] Then we'll be done with B-A-M!
CROW: [ singing ] Then we'll be done with B-A-M!
[ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ]
ALL: [ singing ] We got Fanfic Si-ign! [ normal ] Aaugh! We got Fanfic Sign!

[ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ]
[ Everyone enters the theater. ]

> Sonic The Hedgehog
> Blood and Metal

CROW: Oh, here we go with *this* again.

> Alpha Omega Edition

MIKE: Yo, you forgot Beta, Gamma, and every other Greek letter of the
alphabet!
TOM: Bitter?
MIKE: Not a bit. Why do you ask?

>
>

CROW: Madonna!

> By

TOM: Please say Ray Bradbury!
MIKE: Or Piers Anthony!
CROW: Or an author who's good!

> David Gonterman

ALL: Crap.

> Of FoxFire Studios

CROW: Also crap.

>
> http://users.aol.com/dgonterman

TOM: Bottom 5% of the Web Award.

>
>
> This Web Site made possible by

MIKE: Fools and morons.

> Serif's Page Plus 5.0

MIKE: Them too.

>
> The Story Behind the Story

TOM: Behind the story behind the story behind the story behind the story b--
CROW: Stop!!

>
> Ever had the feeling that you're at the end of something good, and it's
> time to move on to greener pastures?

MIKE: Not really, no.

> Sonic the Hedgehog: Blood and Metal: Alpha/Omega Revision

MIKE: Hey, it's funny. There's two colons up there, and mine's about to split
in half.

> (Hereby knows

TOM: Squat.

> now as just Blood and Metal or BAM

CROW: Hey, we haven't made a single Emeril Lagasse joke yet!
MIKE, TOM: [ Emeril ] BAM!!

> as fans call it) represents exactly this
> point in my life.

TOM: April 17, 1989.

> It was the first major story, fanfiction or otherwise,
> that I have done on the Internet.

MIKE: Which may help to explain why [ Jay Sherman ] it STINKS!

> The premise is a unique kind of White Backlash

CROW: Backlash backlash backlash!

> against the utter

TOM: Cow tipping.

> trashing White Males have been getting by the popular media.

TOM: Then wouldn't they not be very popular anymore?

> All throughout
> these recent decades,

CROW: Disco has made a total of 17 comebacks.

> these people have been told all about the evils that

MIKE: Fanfic authors have perpetrated on our populace.

> their forefathers have done to the expense of what good they did as well.

TOM: Did that make any sense at all?
CROW: Not much.
TOM: Good. I thought I was going nuts.

> If their ancestors are evil, what does that make them?

MIKE: Punk rockers!

> Are the White Males
> of today just as hopelessly bad as the ones when, say, America was in it's
> infancy?

BOTS: Yes.
MIKE: Hey, now.
CROW: Oh, no offense.

> Sonic the Hedgehog, the video game from Sega that BAM is based on,
> provides a perfect stage for this question.

CROW: Oh reeeally.

> Take the resident bad guy,
> Doctor Robotnik, who is very much like

TOM: Alfred Hitchcock.

> the evil person talked about in the
> above paragraph.

MIKE: What? Who? Where?

> Give him a son who joined Sonic's side without Robotnik's
> knowledge and

CROW: Mix it all up! Mix mix mix!

> have the two meet in classic George Lucas fashion.

TOM: Oh yeah, really classic.

> Of course,
> to keep things form

CROW: Yes, you must keep things as form as possible.

> becoming another Star Wars, I added a robotic version of

MIKE: Laurel and Hardy!

> Mortal Kombat-style violence,

TOM: We noticed.

> and a good helping of strong language

CROW: Yeah, "phrack".

> to show
> that the child in question is no Jedi Knight in any stretch.
> Before I could say "Where the flying frack is Luke Skywalker when I
> really need his stinking tail?"

CROW: That's a big thing to say.

> I have created one of the smash Sonic-
> related epics on the Internet,

MIKE: Apparently, people on the Internet just have really low standards!

> and I have acquired something I didn't get
> before outside of the aforementioned computer network: All my life, I found

TOM: Magic nose goblins on the underside of the table!

> that my actions had consequences, penalties, repercussions, and the like.

MIKE: Well, that's generally how life goes.

> My actions did not had rewards until that point.

CROW: So you weren't rewarded for playing video games. Big deal.

> You might say that it was
> the first time in my whole 26 years of existence that I did something right.

TOM: If you were a complete fool or moron, you might say that.

> That was something I tried to get again with sequels and spinoffs to
> BAM. Unfortunately,

MIKE: They sucked just as much.

> I wasn't quite as successful.

TOM: [ Davey ] This time, *two* mobs showed up at my doorstep!

> You know what they say
> about sequels paling in light of their original.

TOM: Oh, we know about that, don't we?
CROW: Yep.

> It no doubt went south
> from the first sequel up to the point where I had to end it because it just
> plain stunk,

MIKE: That's what we've been saying all this time!

> while during the process, I have lost what my early success

CROW: Success? Where?

> have gained me. Some of the losses are irretrievable.

TOM: Yeah, like a hard drive crash.

> In retrospect,

CROW: It was *pixies* that shot JFK!

> I find three factors in my downfall, the first has
> already listed,

CROW: What the heck's that supposed to mean?

> the second is the loss of love and passion

MIKE: Oh, the love's left his relationship.
CROW: Relationship with who, himself?
MIKE: Crow!!

> people had in
> Sonic the Hedgehog, mainly caused by the lack or new games from Sonic and
> the quality of stories Archie had in a Sonic-Based comic book.

MIKE: Yeah, and I'll bet Archie had a secretary named Sonic and Sonic had a
secretary named Archie, right?

> Many people
> voiced it, including myself who was more vocal in mydispleasure.

TOM: I thought he lived in St. Louis.
CROW: No, says right there. He's in "Mydispleasure".

> It quickly
> became the third factor when my pleasure turned to anger and caused not only
> my writing and artwork, but also my deposition

MIKE: Crow, not a word.
CROW: What, not even *bleep*?
MIKE: No.

> has suffered. Some even said

CROW: Pootertoots!

> that I acted like a jerk in this period. Or worse.

ALL: [ dramatic music ] *Dah* dah DAAAAAHH!!!

> I can make a short list
> of former friends who now hate my guts over this and offer no forgiveness
> over what I have done for me.

TOM: [ Davey ] Of course, I could also make a medium list. Or a large list.
CROW: Warning: be on the lookout for a midget psychic.
TOM: Right--
MIKE, TOM: Small Medium at Large.

> I know by now that I'm not going to bother

MIKE: [ Pooh ] Oh, bother.

> apologizing and beg for something that does not exist for me.

CROW: A love life?
TOM: A life!

> Some of them
> would even hound

MIKE: [ Mr. Burns ] Smithers, release the hounds.
BOTS: Arf arf bark bark growl!

> any future attempts for me to progress out of this low
> point in my life.

TOM: And our lives, too.

> Part of this attempt is partly responsible for a revision
> of BAM.

ALL: [ "No!" "Oh the humanity!" "Why?!" ]

> I go back to the first story of BAM, the Alpha,

MIKE: Alpha Five.
BOTS: Aieeya!

> and give it a new
> ending so that the crap

CROW: Well, at least he knows crap when he sees it.

> that became of all of the sequels and spinoffs can
> be easily removed,

TOM: Thus leaving no chance for sequels or spinoffs!
ALL: Yaaaaay!

> the Omega.

MIKE: Hey, Omega Man!

> The resulting story will be preserved in my
> web site for my prosperity,

TOM: Or what's left of it.

> or what is left of it.

TOM: Aargh.

> Sometimes I wonder if I would ever by anything good like this ever
> again,

MIKE: What?
TOM: I get the feeling, somewhere on the Internet, you can download a program
that pumps out random gibberish sentences.

> and win back what I lost,

TOM: That cute baby guinea pig.

> and by some of the opinion of others, I

CROW: SUCK TIMES A BILLION!!
MIKE: Crow!!

> shouldn't even try because it would never happen.

TOM: This happens to be the correct opinion.

> There are even places on
> the Internet where I am persona non grata

CROW: I wish someone'd grate him up.

> directly because of what has
> happened during the closing parts of the BAM spin-offs; a feeling I
> experienced in Real Live from Kindergarten on to Adulthood.

CROW: OK, who thinks he never really reached Adulthood?
TOM: Let's hope they blocked him from the Adult Conspiracy.

> Some may think that after this, I would cancel my Internet connection,
> sell my computer, forget about getting a job with the skills I developed
> over the time I wrote BAM, much less a real life, and move to a shack in
> Montana with fifty cats and a printout of the Anarchists Cookbook and let
> the world pass on without me. (Until I make the headlines as the next mad
> bomber, that is)

CROW: Cool!
TOM: Go for it!
MIKE: That'd be neat!

> The above paragraph, regardless of how absurd it sounds, would very well
> be my fate

ALL: Yaaaaay!

> if I wasn't kept busy by the greener pastures I wandered into.

ALL: D'oh!

> I
> decided to let my storytelling give an helping hand to my artwork, and

MIKE: [ Davey ] Now I stink twice as much as before!

> create Fan Comics made for other things I enjoy,

CROW: Like breathing and sleeping?

> and as of now, I'm
> branching off to original works that might be published if I'm lucky.

TOM: And the rest of the world is not.

> I
> still hope to this day that I can do what I'm doing on the Internet for a
> Career.

CROW: With a capital C, which rhymes with C, and that stands for CRAP!

> Until then, I offer you the genesis

TOM: Heh, get it? Genesis, 'cause that's the video game system... StH is
on... heh heh... kill me.

> of my storytelling life, and my
> first classic epic from a time that Sonic was young and fun. I give you
> Sonic the Hedgehog: Blood and Metal.

CROW: You can keep it.

>
> The Omega

MIKE: Omega Man!

> Some time has passed

TOM: Since the beginning of this fanfic...

> All of Mobius is in Cheers

ALL: [ singing ] Where everybody knows your name!

> The King has returned!

CROW: Hey, this is the scene from the end of "A Link to the Past"!

> "Mr. Crockett did well

TOM: Oh, that's a first!
MIKE: Stop. Stop now.
TOM: What?
MIKE: I'll bet all the RAM chips in this satellite neither of you can go
until the end of the fanfic without insulting Davey.
CROW: I'll take that bet!
TOM: You're goin' down!

> in his end of the deal,"

TOM: And if you insult him, you have to give up that cake you have hidden in
the back of the fridge!
CROW: Yeah!
MIKE: Deal.

> King Acorn addressed the
> Freedom Fighters.

TOM: 100 North Drive, Knothole, Mobius.

> "A broadcasted signal in his cyborg arm provided an

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Really nifty cable channel!

> excellent homing beacon for guide me back home

TOM: [ singing ] I'm goin' to Louisiana, my true love for guide me back home!

> through a different
> dimensional passage then The Void, and all I got to show for it was this
> crystallized

CROW: [ begins to speak ]
MIKE: And any dirty jokes means you get half the RAM chips taken away.
CROW: Heeey, that wasn't in the deal?
MIKE: You forgot to read the fine print.
CROW: Damn.

> left arm, which by now isn't spreading for the rest of me,
> thank God."

MIKE: I Went To The Void And All I Got Was This Crystallized Left Arm.

> That brought out some laughter from the crowd. Despite the mentioned
> affliction,

TOM: Measles? Rubella? Chicken pox?

> the doctors reported the Kin

TOM: [ Brak, singing ] Now it's time to say goodbye to Zorak and his Kin!

> to be in good health and fit to
> rule, with made everybody happy, especially Sally.

CROW: WHAT fine print?!

> Everyone that is, except one, who was noticeably absent from Acorn's
> presence.

MIKE: Me?
BOTS: Huh?
MIKE: Well, I'm not there.

> "I have Davey Crockett to thank most of all.

CROW: [ King Acorn ] He screwed u-- no! No no nonono! I won't lose!
MIKE: Hee hee hee.

> I would like to do that in
> person, but I don't see him. Does anyone know . . . "

TOM: [ King Acorn ] The square root of four-fifths?

> Acorn notices how deathly quiet the room got.

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Wheeew! What died in here?

> "Where is he? What happened to him?

TOM: [ random Mobian ] He went to ruin another fanfic.
MIKE: Say bye-bye to your chips, Tommy-boy.
TOM: Aaaaargh!!

> Don't tell me that Robotnik got to him
> before he saw his mission . . . "

CROW: As long as we're almost done, why is it he puts spaces between his
ellipsis?
MIKE: Beats me. Personal preference, I s'pose.

> Sonic was characteristically slow in his reply.

TOM: I thought he was *fast*! That makes no sense whatsoever, idiot!
MIKE: Tom!
TOM: Hey, I got nothing to lose now!

> "You don't know . . . about
> Davey . . . and Robotnik?"

CROW: [ Sonic ] They've been going out for a month now!

> Acorn showed his royal sternness

CROW: [ random Mobian ] Eew! Put that away!

> and demanded he know.
> And he immediately wished to God he hadn't.
> The lick to the front door

ALL: [ snicker ]
MIKE: Let's *please* skip that.

> to Crockett's hut was jimmied, and King Acorn

CROW: Arrested the person who jimmied it.

> crept into the pitch blackness inside.

CROW: I was gonna say that.

> Acorn feared that the darkness
> reflected what is in the poor boy's heart.

TOM: [ gags ]

> Acorn barely had the chance to mouth his thought when that mouth tasted the

MIKE: Shiny red lollipop.

> cold steel of a double barreled shotgun, and he saw the hellfirish blood red

MIKE: Lollipop!

> cyborg-enhanced eyes burn holes in his mind.
> "How very nice for you to come back in my lifetime, Acorn," a voice spat

TOM: Sufferin' succotash!
MIKE: [ wipes eyes ]

> and
> snarled at him. "It'll give me the sincere pleasure to blow your fucking

ALL: Aack!
CROW: What happened to "phrack"?!

> head off myself."
> by now, in the horror over what is happening, someone turned off the lights,

MIKE: Which were already off.

> and saw

CROW: Nothing, 'cause the lights are off.

> this . . . . monster . . .

TOM: We're not going to describe it further, because no one can see it,
because the LIGHTS are OFF!!

> that Acorn sent to Mobius, holding the
> King high and cramming the would-be assassination weapon further down his
> throat.

MIKE: That's gonna sting.

> Nobody will have the time to save the King from having his brains
> cover the door he came in from if anyone as much as flinches.

ALL: Ewww!
CROW: Man, suddenly this fanfic got a whole lot gorier!

> That fact was
> given with absolute certainly by the expression of Crockett's face, and what
> he next said.

TOM: [ Davey ] I love beans, woo woo woo!
CROW: [ Davey ] I love beans, how 'bout you?

> "You sent me to hell, you bastard,"

CROW: Jeez, calm down, Davey!

> Crockett cocked both barrels all the way
> back, "Not prepare to go there."

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Not? Oh man, I was looking forward to it!

> After what seemed to be an eternity, Acorn managed to take the barrels out
> of his mouth,

CROW: <pop!>

> and lean against the weapon in a manner borrowed from a
> cartoon from Crockett's home world.

CROW: "The Adventures of a Fanfic Author from St. Louis". It was #1 in the
ratings all across the world!
MIKE, CROW: [ giggle ]

> He looked at Davey not with terror, or
> pleading for his life, but to Davey's surprise,

TOM: Darkness, since there are no lights on.

> sorrow over Davey Crockett's
> condition.
> "You looked pissed David.

CROW: [ King Acorn ] Though I can't tell, because the lights are off.

> And believe me, you have every right to me. If I
> were in your shows,

TOM: Oh God, he has a TV show now?!
MIKE: No, it says "shows". That means he has more than one.
TOM: Aaaaaaaaargh!!
MIKE: That was fun!

> I would have pulled that trigger by now. At least that
> means there's still hope fo--"
> "SHUT UP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!"

ALL: Aaack!!

> Crockett wrapped his cyborg hand around
> the King's neck and slammed him hard against a wall, his grip tightening as
> he spewed his bile

ALL: Yeeeew!!

> at the King's face fuzz. "You feel this arm chocking

CROW: [ Pinky ] Guess we can "chock" this up to experience, eh, "Tim"?

> your life out, and afterwards will remove your head for my mantle?

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Well, thanks for informing me of that fact. I really
wanted to know that you're gonna put my head on your mantle. Thank you.

> It
> replaced the one shot off because of what happened centuries before I was
> born.

CROW: Yes, as was PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED!!

> I came here to get away from all that, but just who became of me
> here. ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!!"

TOM: [ whiny ] What if I don' wanna?

> "ack . . . ullk . . . "
> "what was that?"

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I said CAPITALIZE!

> "chock

TOM: [ Brain ] Don't call me that, Pinky, or I will be forced to inflict pain
that even your TV-numbed brain will feel.

> . . . no . . . I won't . . . guuuuck . . . "

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I will never guuuuck! You can't make me guuuuck!!

> "I can't hear you, Acorn."

CROW: I can't hear you, soldiers!
MIKE, TOM: Hup-two-threep-fourp! Hup-two-threep-fourp!

> "For . . . get it . . . . Crockett . . . . I won't say it. It's not true.

CROW: [ King Acorn ] Elvis *didn't* die!

> You are not Robotnik's Son! You can never be . . Robotnik's Son!"

[ long pause ]
ALL: Whaaat?!?

> The look on Davey's face changed at this point, from hostility to surprise.

MIKE: Oh, this is so stupid.

> H lessened his hold, but still held Acorn there.

TOM: I can't believe this.
CROW: I can.

> "I know you're angry and hurt over what happened to Julian Kintobor, David.

CROW: [ King Acorn ] But remember, he brought it on himself. He should have
kept his pants on!

> I can understand that it made you troubled, and no doubt bitter. But

TOM: [ Butthead ] Huh-huh-huh, butt.

> there's one thing it can't make you, and that's

MIKE: Smelly.

> Evil. You are no more Evil
> than

MIKE: You are smelly.

> what Julian was, David, before his unfortunate accident that made him

CROW: Fat, bald, and big-mustached.

> that way. There are plenty of Mobians that know of that past and what
> Robotnik did to your father."

TOM: But Robotnik is his father! Isn't he?
MIKE: Try not to think. That'll help.

> "Yeah, I know what that Bastard did to my father. Betrayed and Murdered
> him--JUST LIKE DARTH VADER!"

ALL: As was previously mentioned.

> He threw Acorn to a chair, and as he landed,

TOM: He let a fluffy.
CROW: You mean a pooty?
MIKE: He's cuttin' muffins!

> a Nicole-like computer fell out of Acorn's jacket.

MIKE: So...

> Acorn continued.

MIKE: Yup.

> "What's more, you have a sacred duty to put honor back to
> the Kintobor name. I know you won't do it for me, or yourself, but what
> about the Kintobors.

CROW: [ Davey ] What about them?

> Do it for your Father.

TOM: The priest?

> That's what I'll be saying in
> the afterlife after you kill me, David James Kintobor, so go ahead."

BOTS: [ chanting ] Do it. Do it. Do it.

> "For my father, that's a joke. He left me when I was a child. I probably
> wouldn't even recognize him if he came up to my face."
> But as he turned around, he saw exactly that.

TOM: Boo!
CROW: And peed his pants.
MIKE: You're straddling the line there, bucko.

> He recognized the face from
> pictures his mother had of him. He was skinnier, and had more hair, and he
> had on a uniform similar to the one Antonio

MIKE: Banderas.

> always wears, over a pocket,
> there was a name. Julian Kintobor.

TOM: [ Julian ] HIIII!! MY NAME IS JULIAN KINTOBOR!! See, my first name is
Julian, and my last name is Kintobor, so when you put 'em together, you
get Julian Kintobor! And that's my name!

> Acorn pulled himself up, being all but forgotten by David for that
> holographic projection.

MIKE: So, is there any actual difference in this ending?
BOTS: No.

> "Before the Accident, David.

CROW: The Accident, with a capital ACK!

> Your father had the
> foresight to make a backup copy of his own memories and personality. I took

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Him out! Bwah-hah-hah!

> that backup and put him in this palmtop." He clipped the Palmtop, Julian,
> on Davey's belt and slowly backed away.

TOM: [ King Acorn ] Don't hurt me.

> "Daddy," David was almost at tears. "is . . is that really you?"

ALL: No, it's a holographic projection.

> "Hi there, son." Julian brushed some hair from the fox's face.

CROW: Fur. Foxes have fur.

> "Care to
> talk about it?"
> "Y-Yeah," David embraced the hologram, which was surprisingly solid, to his
> delight.

CROW: This is gonna turn into a lemon any minute, isn't it?

> "I would like that."
> King Acorn managed to leave the hut and close the door behind him before
> falling down in exhaustion,

TOM: <splat>

> while everyone else exhaled all at once in
> relief.

CROW: [ imitates a fart ]

[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of part 8 of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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