[MSTed]: OASE: "What is really the greatest threat"

[Steve Hutchison]

<beginning credits, cut to interior Satellite of Love>

The SOL is filled with prisms, crystals, and other sparkly things.
Crow T. Robot lies on the counter by the Commercial Sign lights,
wearing a Shirley Temple style wig. Tom Servo, nearby, is wearing
a grey Granny wig, and clucking to himself in distracted-old-woman
style. Mike, wearing a southern-gent style topcoat and hat over
his jumpsuit, looks into the cambot:

Mike: "Hi. We've been watching old Disney flicks and the 'bots wanted
to act a few scenes from one of our favorites."

Crow: "No, no, I'll never walk again. The world is a horrible dreadful
place, my daddy is dead, and I hate my Auntie. Go away."

Tom: "Now, Pollyanna, you mustn't talk that way, you've brought so
much light into our lives. Look, we brought you all the rainbows
in town, you ungrateful brat, so quit your whining and get up!
You're really sick, you know, I mean clinically manic-depressive,
all sunshine and light one minute and suicidal the next..."

Mike: "Tom ..."

Crow: "You're not my real Auntie. Daddy said you were adopted."

<scuffle ensues, Tom Servo trying to thrash Crow with nonfunctional
arms while Crow can't move with legs broken for the role of Pollyanna.>

<red light flashes>

Mike: "Guys, hey, the Mads are calling... "

<scuffle continues>

Gypsy: (dressed as doctor, carrying chainsaw attached to her tube-body)
"I can _do_ it! I can make the little girl walk again! Come
here and hold still, little girl!"

<Mike presses button>

Dr. F: Hello, Rainbow Brite. Frank and I thought that you might have
gotten a little _too_ cheerful watching those Disney films,
but, well, budget cuts and all, we just haven't been able to
blow up their stupid mouse-headed satellite ... yet. So we
decided to send you a little drivel from the O.A.S.E.

Frank: That's the Organization for Autonomous Self-Expression, Joel.

Mike: Uh, that's _Mike_.

Frank: Whatever.

Dr. F: Anyway, this appeared in alt.cyberpunk.chatsubo, but it's out
of place anywhere. Swallow it all or you don't get your cookie
afterwards. Push the button, Frank.

<Post Sign>

Crow: (Yelling at Tom Servo) This is all your fault, Auntie!"

<exodus into theatre>

an8...@anon.penet.fi (Organisation for Autonomous Self-Expression) writes:

>file:THE ENCROACHING THREAT OF NEOSYNDICALISM
>By "MARK BE. ABLE"
>3/28/1994

Crow: Why is he shouting?
Mike: He's anonymous, he has to shout.
Tom: Mark B. Able, wonder if he's related to Mr. B. Natural?

> Hegel proposed a century and a half ago that the consciousness, or
>spirit, of a group of individuals is the driving force for their
>world-historical progress. While many of his theories represent the worst
>and the most naive extensions of Enlightenment universalist thought, his
>idea of "consciousness" is nevertheless very relevant to the historical
>development of many peoples today.

Crow: Oh no, he mentioned Hegel. That means this is going to be
a pointless flame.
Mike: No, that's Hitler. Mentioning Hegel means it's going to be
a boring self-inflated flame.

> In the modern age, however, we are very fragmented, and thus do not
>experience "consciousness" in the real sphere.

Tom: I bet he wasn't experiencing "consciousness" when he wrote this.

> In the virtual world,
>however, it seems like we are constructing a true sense of consciousness
>once again. Furthermore, our sense of homogenous spirit is immune to the

Crow: So how do you homogenize spirit?
Mike: You put it in a blender and make it go really fast.
Tom: Like milk only slimier.

>natural fragmentation of the modern age becuase that fragmentation and
>necessary anarchies are built in to the virtual system anyway.

Crow: Anarchy now! Yeah!

>For example,
>we have over 2000 newsgroups where almost anything can be discussed, yet
>people who read news feel some sense of belonging to a higher ideal.

Mike: I sense that I belong to a higher ideal.
Crow: I sense that you've been smoking the wacky tobaccy again.

> The
>sense where people experience and value this consciousness is readily
>apparent in how vehemently minor configuration details are discussed in
>such groups as alt.config and alt.control.

Tom: Not to mention alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die.

> This and other autonomously
>radiating displays of energy are Spirit manifest! Direct proof that at
>least in a virtual world a highly anarchic, fragmented state can survive
>with Consciousness intact.

Crow: Huh? Radiating displays of energy?
Tom: It's like when you put a magnet next to your CRT.
Crow: Oh, I see.

> Maybe then we can finally accept Hegel's idea of consciousness in
>the modern age. Then we can see that anarchy and self-fragmentation is the
>true will of the people, and is the proper place for us in world-
>historical development. Then what is keeping us from achieving Spirit once
>again in the real world?

Tom: Good taste?
Mike: Lack of a net connection?
Crow: What was the question?

> What is so different between the real and the
>virtual worlds, that consciousness can be achieved in the latter arena but
>not in the former?

Crow: People in the real world have a life...

> The difference lies in _who_controls_the_ideas. In the
>real world, we have let the megacorps and government choose our ideas for
>us. In the real world, our fragmentation is due to these external factors:
>conglomerates and the exploding government. In the virtual world, we have
>not let this happen. Yet.

Tom: I think I see where he's going with this, and I don't like it.
Crow: Mike, I'm scared.
Mike: It's okay, honey, the nasty man can't hurt you, he's only
an anonymous poster.

> This is why my fingers tremble

Tom: yep, too many quadruple espresso shots.

>at the keyboard whenever I see
>so-and-so's ideas or structure undermined by "corporate regulations". This
>is why my heart sinks into my buttocks

All: EWW! Gross!

> whenever lawsuits are brought up,

Mike: Hey, my heart just sank into my buttocks!

>or the sovereignty of "common carriers" is threatened.

Tom: What, uncommon carriers can't be sovereign too? Elitist, that's
what he is, an elitist petit burgois masquerading as a populist.

> And when the
>government talks of disallowing PGP and RSA encryption schemes, I cannot
>bear this! Sure, you may retort.

All: "Sure!"

>All these are necessary products of life,
>so it is natural they come up in discussions over the Net. Yet fellow
>denizens,

Tom: Watch whom you're calling a denizen, you denizen!

>let me remind you that there is a higher ideal once again! Fellow
>comrades, let me beg of you that we must fight this encroaching threat of
>neosyndicalism! Ereh, im lortnoc!

Crow: Pthagn, ia, ia! Gort, Klatuu barada nikto!
Mike: You all right?
Crow: (spits) Sorry, hairball.

>THIS HAS BEEN AN EXCERPT FROM COMMUNIQUE #11 OF THE O.A.S.E
>O.A.S.E = Organisation for Autonomous Self-Expression
>Any ideas welcome, any theories accepted - Live long + ProsPer@

Tom: Communique # 11? You mean, there's more? Mike, we're in
trouble!

>mail the address in the headers to submit articles
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
>To find out more about the anon service, send mail to he...@anon.penet.fi.
>Due to the double-blind, any mail replies to this message will be anonymized,
>and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
>Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to ad...@anon.penet.fi.

<all leave the theatre...>

<Back at control room. Crystals have all gone black and charred. >

Crow: (beak wide open) Wow, awesome! "Captain, th' dilithium crystals
didnae take it any more!"

Tom: Hey, what happened?

Mike: I dunno, guys...

Gypsy: (incoherently) It was him! He killed all the rainbows, it was him!

<flashing light>

Mike: Hey, look, in the hexfield view screen!

<cheezy special effect of viewscreen, opens to show a guy in a sparkly
black body-stocking which covers even the face, and bowler hat, like those
worn by guest aliens on the "giant fly" episode of Lost in Space>

anon: Greetings, comrade brothers. Are you being oppressed?

Mike: Well, yeah, we're being forced to watch bad movies and read
really lame postings to the net...

anon: lame... postings? Fellow Comrade, you have been contaminated
by the neosyndicalist parafascistic overlords of the megacorp
and exploding government. You must remember your higher ideals,
all postings are Spirit expressing itself in Anarchy.

Tom: Yeah, whatever, hey, can you get us down from here?

anon: I know not what you mean.

Tom: Down, you know, off this floating doggie chew-toy and back to
earth? Not that I've ever been there, but I hear it's nice...

anon: Comrade, you must remember Hegel, not to mention Nietsche and
Kant and all those other philosophers...

<Hexfield screen goes "Pouf" as a flash-pot goes off, and slams shut.>

Gypsy: See, See, I told you, he killed it!

Mike: Wow! What do you think, sirs?

Dr. F: I think you should forget about that cookie. Frank!

Frank: (reading) How to achieve higher consciousness... Dr. F, are
you Clear?

Dr. F: Just push the button.

Frank: But it says...

<Dr. F. mashes Frank's face into the keyboard.>

(OWIE OWIE OWIE)

This MiSTing is a satire and therefore is not legally actionable, so
there. Persons wishing to read the original (should there be any
such deranged types) are directed to alt.cyberpunk.chatsubo.

> This
>is why my heart sinks into my buttocks ...