MiSTed - The Vanished (XF/Twin Peaks) 2/8
Bill Livingston
>invaluable to me."
> "She gets her information from a log?" Scully asked,
>aghast.
MIKE: [Shatner] CAPtainslog... stardateFOUR... seveneighttwopointFIVE...
> "She communicates through the log, Dana. It was a gift
>from her husband before he died. They have a table ready for us."
CROW: Did they make it from the same tree they got the log from?
SERVO: Good thing it's *just* the log, otherwise she'd be known as
"The Table Lady"
CROW: She'd probably have a hernia from lugging it all over the place
SERVO: Or termites
> Cooper moved off into the dining room, Scully and Mulder
>trailing behind. Mulder noticed that look on Scully's face and
>murmured, "Curiouser and curiouser..."
MIKE: As Scully fades out, leaving behind only her grin
> "Pinch me, Mulder, because I *must* be dreaming....ow!"
ALL: HEY!!
> "You're not dreaming. Maybe you're delusional."
CROW: Yeah, and maybe you're one step away from a lawsuit, buddy!
> "I'll deal with you later, Mulder. But right now..." Scully
>sat at the table, smiled at Cooper and spoke so he could hear, "I'm
>starved."
SERVO: Mulder! Cooper! Get out of there! It's a *cookbook*!
> Cooper didn't bother to
CROW: Knock
> open a menu and addressed the
>waiter immediately. "I'd like a slice of pie and a cup of coffee,
>black."
> "What kind of pie would you like?" the waiter asked,
>"Today we have..."
> Cooper held up his hands, "Surprise me."
MIKE: (as waiter) Gimme a slice of cabbage meringue!
> The waiter raised his eyebrows but did not say a word,
>"And you folks?"
> Mulder looked at Scully sideways
CROW: (as Scully) Mulder! Get up off the floor!
SERVO: [singing] And shake your groove thang, shake your groove thang!
> and they replied together,
>"The same."
> "So," Cooper said after the waiter left with their orders,
>"what does the Bureau have planned for Twin Peaks?"
CROW: Demolition, man!
SERVO: Murderdeathkill
> Mulder shifted in his seat and said carefully, "I'm going to
>make a report tonight and they are supposed to get back to us in
>the morning."
> "Do you know who's in charge of this assignment?"
SERVO: [as teenager] Mrs.Grundowski in homeroom, man! Bummer!
> "No, I don't. We'll know tomorrow."
> Cooper nodded thoughtfully, then made room for the plates
>of pie that were being placed on the table.
> "We've got blueberry tonight," the waiter said snippily,
>"surprised?"
MIKE: You've got no tip tonight! Surprised?
> Cooper took a bite of his slice and looked up at the waiter,
>his eyes wide.
SERVO: You're no waiter: you're that evil master of disguise, El Morpho!
MIKE: I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling
agents - and your dog!!
> "Young man, I never cease to be amazed at the
>miracle that is this pie."
> The waiter retreated hastily, leaving Mulder and Scully to
>stare at Cooper.
CROW: Wouldn't you?
> Mulder watched Scully's mouth open and close, then get
>stuffed with a forkful of pie.
SERVO: So secretly, Mulder wants to tell Scully to "Get Stuffed".
MIKE: Better than "Get Bent"
> He had to admit to himself that Twin
>Peaks was beginning to make him feel a bit off kilter too. Mulder
>watched Cooper and Scully chatting and wondered if Coop really
>was there, or if he really wasn't at another place. The place with
>the red curtains, or...?
CROW: The cerise carpeting, or the chartreuse wallpaper, or...
MIKE: He's sitting there looking at him and wondering where he is
SERVO: With these guys, who can say?
> A boy dressed in a porter's uniform approached the table
>with a silver slaver perched upon his shoulder. Placing the slaver in
>front of Cooper, he stepped aside.
CROW: A silver slaver? What, have they crossed over with "Sliders" now?
SERVO: Maybe they're in the Man-Kzin wars.
> On the tray was a small, black, handheld tape recorder.
>Cooper picked it up carefully and turned it over in his hands.
MIKE: "Requires 4 AA batteries. UL Approved"
>After a second he turned his head to look sharply at the porter.
> "Who sent this?" he asked.
> "Ms. Horne, sir," the porter bowed, gesturing towards the
>lounge entrance. All three heads swiveled at once and Mulder
>stopped breathing.
CROW: CALL 9-1-1!! CALL 9-1-1!!
SERVO: Wait, if he's not breathing, maybe there's no more fanfic.
CROW: CALL DOMINO'S PIZZA!! CALL DOMINO'S PIZZA!!
> Standing at the entrance to the lounge was a young woman.
>She had a shapely figure, deep raven hair, and perfectly arched
>eyebrows.
MIKE: It's Kirstie Alley as Saavik!
> But it wasn't her marvelous beauty that had surprised
>Mulder;
SERVO: It was the fact she was wearing *his* dress!
> whoever this woman was, she looked almost exactly like
>Audrey Horne. She began to make her way towards their table.
> "Cooper," Scully asked, puzzled, "do you know her?"
> Cooper didn't reply but hit the play button on the recorder.
>The voice was young, sultry.
CROW: Shadoe Stevens, countin' down the hits!
> "To my secret agent. By the time you hear this, I will be
>gone."
MIKE: Real gone, man! Outta sight!
> Cooper hit the stop button fiercely and looked up to see the
>Audrey look-alike standing across from him.
> "Agent Cooper? I'm Constance Horne, manager of the
>Great Northern. Audrey's cousin."
SERVO: Oh, gag! Not the good/evil lookalike cousin thing again!
MIKE: Which one would this be, then?
SERVO: She'd - hmm, lemme get back to ya on that.
> Cooper stood slowly and swallowed before replying,
CROW: [like the Milk Commercial] Aaron Burr! Aaron Burr!
>"Ms. Horne...where did you get this?"
> "Audrey wanted...before she died, Audrey wanted to make
>that for you."
SERVO: She made him a tape recorder? Neat!
CROW: She was handy like that
> Mulder stood also and Scully followed his lead.
> "Cooper, I think Scully and I will turn in. Goodnight,
>goodnight, Ms. Horne."
MIKE: Goodnight goodnight to you, too
> The young woman smiled and nodded at Mulder as he
>snatched Scully by her elbow to steer her away.
CROW: Mulder's just *begging* for an EEOC investigation!
> "Mulder," Scully asked under her breath, "what's going on?
>Who is she?"
> "Upstairs," Mulder replied tersely.
SERVO: I thought she was Constance.
>
> "Please, sit down."
> "Thank you."
> Cooper lapsed into silence, staring at the black tape
>recorder.
> "Aren't you going to listen to it, Agent Cooper?"
> He looked up sharply. "Tell me about Audrey."
SERVO: Tell me about the rabbits, George
CROW: The rabbits are not what they seem.
> Constance shifted a bit in her seat, her long lashes hooding
>her eyes. "She stayed in the hospital for a month...she had lost her
>limbs in the explosion.
CROW: Oh, brother!
> She didn't want to live that way."
SERVO: On parts even Kim Basinger didn't want!
>Constance looked up and into Cooper's eyes, "I'm sorry about being
>so blunt- I just want to tell you the truth."
CROW: Because knowing is half the battle
> Cooper reached across the table and put his hand upon hers,
>"That's all I want to hear."
MIKE: That, and maybe some Hootie & the Blowfish
> "She- she wanted to leave you something. Her body was
>destroyed, Agent Cooper...except for her lips. They remained
>perfect...
CROW: [as Constance] They're here in this little box
> she made this for you before she died. To remember her by."
> "As if I could forget," Cooper said, quietly, putting aside
>the tape machine and focusing his attention on Constance. On the
>living. "Now, tell me about yourself."
SERVO: So, live around here much?
MIKE: Well, at least he's not wallowing in his grief!
> "Me?" Constance smiled and ducked her head shyly. "After
>Audrey passed away, Uncle Ben,
MIKE: Converted her into rice
> Benjamin Horne, he wanted to
>leave so...he asked me to run the Northern."
CROW: Oh, that's nice! He left her in charge of the Toilet Paper
SERVO: Great Scott!
> "And it looks like you're doing a fine job."
> "I'd like to think so."
> Cooper marveled at the great similarity between Audrey and
>the woman before him. The resemblance intrigued him, but also
>pierced his heart with a sense of danger.
SERVO: Which is more sense than he usually has!
> Constance smiled at
>Cooper's frank stare and Cooper felt his face flush.
CROW: Good thing she's the toilet paper queen!
> "Are you going to listen to that?" she asked him.
> "Umm, I think I'll listen to it when I'm ready." Cooper
>replied, discomfited.
MIKE: Yeah, when I'm good and ready, lady!
> "Oh, I understand." Constance stood and Cooper hastily
>rose also. "I just wanted to meet you."
> "You did?"
> "Goodnight, Agent Cooper."
> "Goodnight, Ms. Horne."
> "Constance."
CROW: Chief?
SERVO: McCloud?!
> "Constance. And thank you, for this." Cooper patted his
>pocket with the tape recorder. Constance blinked slowly and
>smiled slightly,
SERVO: It's the return of Tom Swift!
> "It's what Audrey wanted."
> Cooper sunk slowly back into his seat as Constance
>departed, and drank the rest of his coffee, thinking.
MIKE: [as Cooper] *Showgirls*? Where the heck was my head?
>
> Scully pursed her lips after Mulder finished telling her the
>significance of the appearance of Constance Horne.
SERVO: [as Scully] *Another* identical cousin story?
> "She is beautiful," Scully said, watching Mulder out of the
>corner of her eye as Mulder's eyebrows raised
CROW: Hey, he's a mutant: he can levitate his facial hair!
> and he said
>appreciatively,
> "Yeah." Then, catching his tone of voice, busied himself
>with the keys to his room.
MIKE: Who, me, actually notice someone who isn't an evil occult alien
vampire conspirator? Nope, not me, uh-uh!
> Scully laughed softly to herself and followed Mulder inside.
>She sat on a wooden chair and ran a hand through her hair
>as Mulder flopped onto the bed.
> "What are you going to say in your report, Mulder?"
SERVO: That Laura Palmer's death was the result of a massive government
conspiracy involving aliens, and that Bob is the head of it, and he and
the Well-Manicured Man are holding my sister hostage along with Shaun
Cassidy in Rome, Wisconsin, and cattle mutilations are somehow involved.
MIKE: The usual then?
SERVO: Yeah, same old same old.
> Mulder blew air out between his lips, sighing. "What can I
>say, Scully? It looks like Cooper is back."
SERVO: And ABC's got him.
MIKE: Fox
SERVO: Yeah, he's the one!
> Scully rubbed the back of her neck wearily, "This is all so
>strange. This whole town is so..."
CROW: Lynchian
SERVO: Freudian
MIKE: Dickensian
> Mulder propped himself on his elbow and nodded, "I must
>admit that I find
SERVO: You guilty of love of the first degree!
> this place a bit more- colorful- than most places we
>end up at."
> "Colorful, Mulder?" Scully replied, her eyebrows creeping
>upwards, "A regular box of Crayolas- a LARGE box."
CROW: Even Burnt Umber?
> Mulder stifled a yawn as a reply and Scully pushed herself
>out of her seat.
MIKE: Ah, the art of conversation is raised to new and dizzying heights!
> "I guess I'll leave you to write that report," she said
>unenviously, "we can discuss this further in the morning." Mulder
>simply waved a hand at her in reply, his eyes having drifted shut.
CROW: Boy these FBI guys; once they get an assignment, they just
hop right on it!
> Scully smiled at his sleepy figure and moved to the door.
>Thinking of the darkness that was going to greet her in her own
>room,
SERVO: The darkness of her quietly desperate life
> she hesitated upon the threshold.
> "Goodnight, Scully," Mulder called out, startling her.
CROW: [as Scully] YAAH! Geez, don't *do* that!!
> "Goodnight, Mulder," she replied, turning gratefully at the
>sound of his voice.
> Mulder rolled off the bed and approached her, surprised to
>see her so unnerved.
MIKE: A friend of mine from high school had to be unnerved.
CROW: Was he OK?
MIKE: Yeah, after they found a good unneurological surgeon
> "What is it?" he asked, concerned.
CROW: Is it bigger than a breadbox?
SERVO: Is it known for its work in the theater?
> "I don't know Mulder," Scully replied,
MIKE: Well why are you talking to him, then?
> fidgeting with the
>door and glancing over to her own, "nothing. Pleasant dreams."
>She gathered herself
CROW: From around the hallway
> and pulled her key out of her pocket.
> "You too," Mulder replied, leaning against his door. Scully
>didn't hear his door close until after she had shut her own. She
>shook her head slowly. She had heard the understanding in
>Mulder's voice- and also the tinge of warning.
SERVO: DANGER! WARNING, DANA SCULLY! DANGER! DANGER!
CROW: [as Dr. Smith] Quiet, you apathetic aluminum automaton!
Oh, the pain, the pain!
>
>[Great Northern Hotel, room 108]
> Cooper sat cross-legged on the floor of his room. Dressed
>in his favorite blue pajamas, his eyes were closed and his breathing,
>even.
CROW: And the rest of him was odd.
> He had listened to the message that Audrey had made for
>him. She had told him of her feelings about him, about life, about
>death.
SERVO: And all that girlie stuff!
> While everyone's grief in Twin Peaks had subsided over the
>years, Cooper felt the pain as if he had just seen
MIKE: Beastmaster 2
> her yesterday,
>alive, smiling. For Cooper, the time in the Lodge had felt like mere
>hours;
CROW: Changing over from Standard to Daylight Savings can really
get to you!
> he hadn't quite prepared himself for the changes he found
>now that he was back. And there were so many changes.
MIKE: No, seriously, who's the President?
> Cooper picked up the tape recorder, feeling its familiar
>weight and texture in his palm, and clicked the record button for his
>new tape.
CROW: Hi, this is Dale. I'm not sane right now, but if you leave your
name, number, and your guess about BOB, I'll get back to you,
as soon as I get back to me.
> "Diane, it's twelve-oh-seven AM and I've just finished
>listening to the tape that Audrey Horne made for me before her
>death.
SERVO: I think I can get her a deal with Def Jam
> Now, I know I haven't spoken to you in quite some time..."
>Cooper hit the pause on the recorder and frowned; yet another
>element of his life, missing.
MIKE: Gotta get Zinc!!!
> "Diane, I trust that the Bureau has not
>overlooked your considerable talents and that you are still part of
>the team.
MIKE: Yeah, but they moved her from shortstop to the outfield
> The first item on my agenda is to find a way to get these
>tapes to you.
SERVO: I guess he was away so long he forgot about a little thing
called THE MAIL!!
CROW: Federal Express: When it absolutely positively has to be
weird overnight
> But I digress; Diane, it is very strange for me to be
>back in Twin Peaks. So many things have changed since I've been
>away...but I am pleased to report that the pie is still heavenly..."
CROW: Nice to see he's got his priorities in order!
>Cooper sighed sleepily and decided to give in to his fatigue,
>"though the coffee has lost some of its kick." he finished. Cooper
>clicked off the recorder and placed it carefully on his nightstand
>before crawling into bed.
CROW: Wouldn't it have been easier just to get up and walk to the bed?
MIKE: Maybe he's doing penance
> Immersed in the billowing sheets,
MIKE: Sounds like he's holed up in a trimaran
SERVO: Or a Kenmore washer
>he closed his eyes and wondered if he'd dream that night.
CROW: I hope not.
SERVO: Yeah, every time he dreams, things get stranger and stranger!
>
>[Great Northern Hotel, 8:00 AM]
> Scully rubbed her eyes and knocked on Mulder's door. To
>her surprise,
SERVO: A genie appeared and solved everything. The end.
MIKE: Nice try, Tom
SERVO: I state again - with *these* guys, it could happen!
> Mulder appeared dressed much like he was the night
>before; gone was the familiar suit and tie, Mulder was dressed in
>flannel and jeans.
CROW: Well, here we are now; entertain us!
> "Morning, Mulder."
> "Good morning, Scully. Want to grab some breakfast
>before we go to the station?
SERVO: [announcer] KTPC, Twin Peaks' rockin' country!
> I sent that fax out pretty late last
>night, so we probably have plenty of time."
> "Sure. The hotel dining room?"
> "Nope," Mulder steered her towards the exit after they
>emerged from the elevator, "I thought we'd go rub elbows with
>some of the local color this morning."
> "Mulder, you are the local color this morning!"
SERVO: Bdoom-boom-ching!! Thanks, folks, you're a great audience!
> Mulder smiled and replied, "Well Scully, when in Rome...
CROW: Wisconsin?
>besides, not only is this snazzy little ensemble more comfortable,
MIKE: It's reasonably priced and will make a great addition to any
agent's wardrobe. Only $49.97, plus tax, from Sears Roebuck.
>it allows me to blend in with the natives and not look like..." he
>looked at Scully's conservative suit up and down, his eyebrows
>waggling ever-so-slightly for emphasis.
> "Like...a sore thumb?"
CROW: No thanks, just coffee.
> "Stuffed shirt, that's what I would've said."
CROW: I'll say her shirt is stuffed, grrrwwlllll!
MIKE: Hey, now...
CROW: Don't hurt, or yell
> "Ah ha. Watch it, Mulder, you're beginning to sound like
>one of those manly men in the full bloom of their manhood. Must
>be the flannel."
MIKE: It's *gotta* be the flannel!
> "And you're beginning to sound like Rosenfield."
SERVO: Take it back! TAKE IT BACK!!!
> Scully glared at Mulder, but the beauty of the outdoors
>distracted her as they stepped out of the Great Northern and
>breathed in the fresh mountain air.
ALL: [singing] The Hills are alive, with the sound of Mu-u-u-lderrr...
> "Just get me to some coffee,
>Agent Mulder."
SERVO: Must... get... rich.... Columbian... Blend...
>
>[Double R Diner, 8:20 AM]
> Scully had to smile when the door jangled open at the
>Double R diner.
CROW: *She's* easily amused.
MIKE: Pretty. Huh-huh-huh. Pretty Bell.
> Stepping into the diner was like stepping into a
>time machine; the jukebox in the corner, the vinyl booths, and
>waitresses dressed in robin's egg blue uniforms.
SERVO: The complete lack of any ethnic minorities for hundreds of
square miles
> Mulder and Scully
>opted for a booth and an attractive, middle-aged woman glided to
>their table with menus.
SERVO: She's either a wraith or an alien.
MIKE: Well, if that didn't make Mulder spontaneously combust, nothing will.
CROW: Darn.
> "Good morning. Would you two like some coffee?"
> "Just some juice for me," Mulder replied.
> "I'd like some hotcakes," Scully said, not opening the
>menu, "scrambled eggs, coffee, and juice please."
SERVO: Another town, another Waffle House
CROW: [as Willy] WAFFLES!! *wheet-hoo*
> "Certainly. I'll be right back with your order."
> Mulder looked askance at Scully across the table.
> "What?" she asked.
CROW: It's your skance, it's on funny
> "This fresh air seems to do wonders for your appetite."
> "Well, this place looks like it could make a decent stack of
>pancakes, don't you think?"
> "It's very..." Mulder struggled to find the words,
SERVO: Line! Line, dammit!!
> "quaint."
> Scully glanced around the near-empty diner. "Doesn't look
>like much of the local color has turned out today."
> "Maybe they're all stuck in traffic."
> Their food arrived and Scully dug into her hotcakes with
>relish.
MIKE: Well, I prefer a nice maple syrup myself, but -
CROW: Hey, Scully's really Joan Osborne!
> "Good as the pie?" Mulder asked, looking hungrily at
>Scully's plate.
> "Sure," Scully replied, looking up at him, "don't you want
>anything to eat, Mulder?"
MIKE: [as Mulder] Sorry, I never eat until my pupils dilate.
CROW: [as Scully] You haven't eaten since 1982?
> "I'd like to ingest as little of the local food as possible,"
>Mulder replied slyly, sipping his juice. Mulder smiled at the
>reaction he got from Scully at that statement; she plopped her fork
>down with a frown.
SERVO: A-a-and... cue punchline
> "But, if you're not going to finish that..." he snagged her
>plate to his side of the table and proceeded to finish off her
>breakfast. Crossing her arms, Scully smirked,
> "I suppose I'm paying for this, too?"
ALL: WAH-WAH-WAH-WAHHHHHH!!!
SERVO: That Mulder, what a card!
>
> "Norma, who are they?"
> "I don't know, Shelly. They must be here because of Agent
>Cooper."
> "FBI? You think they're FBI?"
> "Well, just look at them..."
> "I AM looking. Hey, he's kinda cute..."
> "Shelly..."
> "Norma!"
CROW: Chief?
SERVO: McCloud?!?
> the woman tossed her wavy hair and mocked the
>older woman's admonishing tones. "It's just not very often we get
>new people in Twin Peaks. This is kind of exciting."
SERVO: [as Bela] Ah, fresh blood!!
> "Well," Norma Jennings replied, folding her arms across
>her slim body and stealing a glance at the agents' direction,
>"remember the last time we had FBI agents come to town?"
SERVO: Last time? The town's been crawling with them since 1990!
> The girlish smile faded from Shelly's face and she reached
>for a pot of coffee.
>
> "More coffee, Ma'am?"
SERVO: [as Scully] Yes, I know
> "Yes, thank you."
> "I'm Shelly Johnson. Norma and I," she glanced back over
>to the counter, where Norma was busy putting pies in the pie racks,
MIKE: And eggs in the egg hangers, and toast in the toast cartons, and
waffles in the waffle bags, and...
>"we couldn't help but notice that you are new in town. Are you just
>passing through, or....?"
> Mulder smiled, amused at the woman's obvious small-town
>curiosity. "We're FBI."
> "FBI?
MIKE: Franklin Belano Isevelt?
> There isn't any trouble, is there?" Scully couldn't
>help but notice the nervousness in Shelly's voice.
> "No, we're here on a routine investigation." she said casually.
[All snicker]
SERVO: Try saying "Mulder" and "routine investigation" in the same
sentence!
> "Oh," relief crossed Shelly's face and then the door jangled
CROW: Along with her nerves
>as a new customer arrived. She gave the two agents a small wave
>and moved off.
> "Now you've done it, Scully."
> "What did I do?" she asked, dabbing the corner of her
>mouth with a napkin.
SERVO: You know, *it* - the, the thingy!
> "Fueling town gossip."
> "I didn't tell her anything."
> "Exactly."
> Scully shook her head at Mulder, placing a few bills with the
>check. "Come on, let's get to the station.
MIKE: It's time for "Casey's Top 40".
CROW: {Casey Kasem] And remember - keep your feet in the Files, and
keep reaching for the Peaks!
> Cooper and everyone
>should be there by now."
MIKE: And we'll all have cake and ice cream later!
SERVO: Let's split, guys.
[Mike & bots exit theater]
[6...5...4...3...2...o]
[SOL - Mike is examining Tom with a pair of tweezers and a magnifying
glass. A big beaker full of microchips is sitting on the counter. Crow
is reading a copy of "The Importance of Being Ernest"]
MIKE: Okay, I don't see - oh, wait, here's another
[Mike reaches in with the tweezers and extracts another chip from somewhere
on Tom]
SERVO: Whoo-hoo! That tickles!
MIKE: Y'know, I don't know who he thinks he's fooling - I mean, look at
this, these still have "Property of Deep 13" stamped on them.
SERVO: Yeah, but the light show's pretty neat.
CROW: Hey, y'know what just occurred to me?
SERVO: There's no telling.
CROW: This isn't the first time "Peaks" has done this "lookalike" thing!
MIKE: [indulgently] Really?
CROW: Yeah! That wrapped in plastic girl, Laura Palmer - she played her own
lookalike cousin, who also gets killed by Laura's weirdo killer psycho
father!! How's that for suspicious, hm?
MIKE: Crow, I hate to disappoint you, but lookalikes really aren't
anything new
CROW: Huh?
SERVO: Geez, Crow, what rock have you been lying under? Lookalikes go
way, way back.
MIKE: Yeah, I mean not even counting soap operas, there's Data & Lore
SERVO: And Samantha and Serena
MIKE: And Jeannie & uh, Evil Jeannie
SERVO: And Mary-Kate & Ashley Olson
MIKE: Huh?
SERVO: And who could forget the Patty Duke Show? There was Cathy, who'd
been most everywhere, from Zanzibar to Berkely Square. But Patty'd only
seen the sights a girl could see from Brooklyn Heights!
MIKE: What a crazy pair! And in the movies, Andy Garcia and Jeremy Irons
and Meg Ryan and Jerry Lewis and Jean-Claude Van Damme and Peter
Sellers and Laurence Olivier have all played their own lookalikes!
CROW: How come I haven't heard about this before?
SERVO: Because, Jerky Boy, you purged your memory about evil twins after
the "Timmy" incident.
CROW: Oh yeah
MIKE: "Timmy"?
SERVO: [aside] I'll explain later
MIKE: But wait a sec, how can you say you've never heard of this, then sit
there reading that book about twins by Oscar Wilde
CROW: Huh? Nah, this a biography of that "Hey Vern" guy.
MIKE & SERVO: D'OH!!! [lights flash]
MIKE: We'll be right back.
Commercials - 1) APTEEEEEEEEEEE-VAAAAAAAAAAAA!
2) Seriously, we got stand-up! Really! Just name one,
we can get footage!!!
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