MiSTing: "Marrissa's Revenge II" [PG, Marrissa Stories, 1/1]
Matthew R Blackwell
Mystery Usenet Theater 3000:
Marrissa's Revenge II
By Stephen B. Ratliff
MiSTing by Doug Atkinson and Matt Blackwell
[Season 8 Opening]
[Mike and Crow are standing behind the control console of the
Satellite of Love. Mike is speaking animatedly.]
Mike: I'm telling you, it was the weirdest dream that I've ever had!
Crow: Uh-huh.
Mike: Pearl was showing us these really bad episodes of Star Trek.
But they weren't really episodes, it was like she was showing
us a book in the theater. And there was this strange little
man there. . .
Crow: Like him?
[Crow points to the rear of the bridge where Paul is walking by.
He waves before exiting. ]
Mike: <puzzled> No, Paul's not strange. <shakes his head> Anyway,
there were all of these Star Trek characters there and they
were all acting strangely. <quietly> And there was this
little girl there, and she seemed to be terrorizing everyone. .
Crow: Suuure, Mike. Was she also in command of the Enterprise? Oh,
and let me guess, she was secretly a princess too.
Mike: Well, yeah. She was. And...
Tom: [Off-screen] INCOMING!
[Mike and Crow look up to see an I beam flying in from the right hand
side of the screen. It strikes Mike's head with a massive "THUNK."]
[The screen momentarily goes black, and when the picture returns, the
bridge is foggy. Tom and Crow stand by the control console. Mike
slowly rises from the ground.]
Mike: Ow. What happened? And why is the bridge so cloudy?
Tom: I'm sorry Mike. I was messing around with the Interociter, and I
accidentally reset the environmental controls. There's just a lot
of steam in the air, that's all.
Mike: Okay, but what hit me?
Tom: Well, before the environmental controls were reset, I
accidentally tore out some of the girders in the hull.
Mike: What?!
Crow: Calm down Mike. Gypsy was able to contain the damage to just one
area.
Mike: Well, I guess that it's okay then. What did we lose?
Tom: Mike that's not important. What's important is you're okay.
Mike: What did we lose?
Tom: <mumbled answer>
Mike: What. Did. We. Lose?
Tom: Your room. Okay? Are you happy now? All of your worldly
posessions are now floating in the eternal void of space.
There. I said it. Are you happy now? [Tom begins to sob.]
Crow: Great Mike. Now you've made Tom cry again. <sigh> I hate doing
this.
[Crow steps over to a large, empty fishtank that is now on the floor
and stands inside of it.]
Crow: o/~ And did those feet, in ancient time... o/~
[Gypsy walks over to the fishtank and begins singing with Crow.
Mike stands by with a bewildered look on his face.]
Crow and Gypsy: o/~ walk upon England's mountains green...
and was the Holy Lamb of God... o/~
[Tom stops crying. Crow and Gypsy exit the fishtank.]
Mike: Um, what the hell was that?
Gypsy: Mike, we always do that when Tom starts crying.
Mike: We do?
Crow: Duh, Mike. Of course we do.
[The mads light begins to flash.]
Mike: Maybe Pearl's acting normal today. [He hits the light.]
<The Widowmaker>
[Pearl, Bobo, and the Observer are all playing cards. A strange
little man dances in the background holding a piece of cherry pie.]
Pearl: Top of the morning to you Nelson. How are things up in your
little satellite today?
<SoL>
Mike: Fine, I guess. Are you feeling okay?
<Widowmaker>
Pearl: Never better Mikey me boy.
Bobo: You over-evolved fool!
Observer: Why you yell at me monkey?
Bobo: I'm yelling at you because your grasp of the game is sorely
lacking, you alibino buffoon! You can't have seven cards in a
game of five card stud!
Observer: Me play the game right!
Pearl: Now, now boys. Play nicely. [To Mike] Well, it's time for
the day's activity Mike. Today, you get the privledge of
reading another story from the master of Star Trek Fan Fic,
Mr. Stephen Ratliff. Have fun! [She turns back to the other
two and laughs.] Observer, are you eating the cards again?
Observer: [with mouth stuffed] Nof mim.
Pearl: Oh, Observer. [She begins to laugh again.]
<SoL>
Mike: Ah! We've got Ratliff sign!
[Mike, Tom, and Crow rush about before entering the theater.]
[6...5...4...3...2...1...]
[The trio enters and sits down.]
Mike: Did Pearl seem to be acting strangely to either of you?
Tom: No.
Crow: Nope.
Mike: Um, you two feel fine, right?
Tom: Mike, we're the same as we always are.
Crow: Geez Mike. Get a grip. Narf!
[Mike stares at Crow for a moment before looking back towards
the screen.]
>From srat...@runet.edu
All: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
> Tue Jan 27 18:04:18 1998
Crow: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Mike: Crow, it's the date.
Crow: Sorry. I was having Ratliff flashbacks.
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Tom: Well, they don't really have news there, just stories, RPG
announcements and flamewars.
Crow: Well, they don't really have stories either, just a bunch of
badly formatted paragraphs that are supposed to be stories.
Mike: Crow, don't help them start another flamewar.
>Subject: New TNG "Marrissa's Revenge II" (RevengeFic, Marrissa's
>Stories)
Mike: Didn't that used to be 'The Marrissa stories?'
Crow: She's probably doing the writing now too.
>From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
All: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Tom: Why did Ratliff list his name twice?
Mike: It's a tribute to that episode where the Enterprise keeps
blowing up. We'll probably see his name a few dozen more
times before the story ends.
>Date: 28 Jan 1998 00:04:18 GMT
Crow: So, it took him six hours to write two lines?
>Title: Marrissa's Revenge II
Tom: And the nominees for "Least Actual Revenge in a Revenge fic":
"Revenge," "A Day in the Life of the Wuss," "Revenge,"
"Revenge Backfired," "Revenge," "Revenge", "Revenge," and
"Marrissa's Revenge."
Crow: Y'know, the word "revenge" has pretty much lost all meaning for
me now.
>Author: Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu)
All: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Mike: See? I was right.
Crow: Fan boy.
>Series: TNG, Marrissa Stories
>The following is a Revenge Fic, the sequal of Marrissa's Revenge.
Mike: In it, Marrissa gets revenge on me for writing about her in that
first Revenge Fic.
>Amber, Cory, and Katherine are real next door neighbors who have
>occassionally helped me with a bit of story, but never in the formal
>method discribed here.
Mike: One-inch margins, legal-sized paper, single-sided
double-spaced...
> Comments made in the story by them do reflect
>various people who have helped me with the story, but not necessarily
>the person who spoke them in this story.
Crow: And suddenly, Stephen's writing Dragnet fanfic.
>Now that that's out of the way, Crowning Horses presents ...
Tom: So, Adam Duritz wrote this, not Ratliff?
Crow: It couldn't be any worse than normal.
> Marrissa's Revenge II
> Adam and Eve
Tom: This is going to turn into one of those stories where two
shipwreck survivors actually populate the Earth, isn't it?
Crow: [deep, sleazy voice; ] From the Adam and Eve collection,
we have Marrissa Picard in a sl--
Mike: Do you really want that image in your head?
Crow: [shuddering] No...
Tom: Oh, THANKS, Crow.
> It was a nice day in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia.
Tom: o/~ Take me home, country roads.. o/~
Mike: No. Just No.
> I was on Thanksgiving Break. It was Friday, which meant that
>today we'd be
Tom: Eating fish?
>having Thanksgiving Dinner at home,
Mike: Stephen, last time that I checked Thanksgiving's on Thursday.
> having had one of the five dinners
>yearly dinners at Grandma's on Thanksgiving.
Tom: Five dinners in a single day? But Stephen's so thin...
Crow: Yes, just drop by http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/diet.html
for the full details on the Ratliff diet!
> Grandma was getting old, and I hated to see her like that,
Mike: Hmmm.
Tom: Do you think that some psychological transference might be
going on here?
Crow: You mean like Stephen writes about a young girl because he
dislikes the thought of those that he loves growing old?
Tom: Yeah.
Crow: Nah. I think Ratliff just likes to write about young girls
kicking Romulan butt.
Mike: Sometimes a young buttkicker of Romulans is just a young
buttkicker of Romulans.
> but I
>did like to see my cousins. As usual, I was assigned to watch all the
>kids under the age of 10.
Tom: Uh-oh.
Crow: He's going to open that day care center, isn't he?
> Ever since the Easter Egg fight,
Crow: Um?
Mike: Please, don't try to learn more about that.
> none of
>the family trusts them to behave without some supervision, and they prefer
>me over any of my Aunts. (And I prefer my Aunts to be working on
>Thanksgiving Dinner.)
Mike: I would prefer that Chefs be working on Thanksgiving dinner.
> Since I had no two year olds this year, things had went well.
>When Alex had been little, it was a nightmare, but since he turned
>three, he's been an angel (That and he wants to hear my stories)
Mike: Stephen, have his parents seek psychiatric help for him. *Now.*
Crow: [Alex] Cousin Stephen, tell me about the Naklab Dispute again!
Tom: [Ratliff] Well, one day Marrissa woke up and said "I'm in a mood
for some stompin'..."
> Well the day was going well. I'd finished a chapter of my
>latest story, and my consultants
Crow: Consultants?
Tom: That's a sugar coated way of saying that they're unemployed.
Crow: Oh. So Mike's a consultant then?
Mike: Hey!
> from across the street were coming
>over to go over some scenes,
Mike: Then we were going to renovate our old barn and put on a show!
> and help me with some dialogue.
Mike: "Hmm. The enime ships blewed up real gud. Marrissa had defeeted
teh ntire Romulin nayvee. " Looks good to me, Steve!
> The doorbell rang, a two tone ding-dong.
Tom: Aren't all ding-dongs black and brown?
Crow: Ask Mike "I lived on Hostess Products for a year" Nelson.
Mike: It was Bearclaws, Crow. Not Ding-dongs.
> I ascended the five
>stairs to the living room,
Tom: [lower-class British accent] Oh, we *ascended*, did we? Gettin'
all 'igh and mighty? Climbin's not *good* enough for us posh
types any more? "Oh, pardon me, mater, I'm orff to ascend
into the welkin with my aeroplane."
> and answered the door. Marrissa was there.
Mike: Disaster strikes! And Marrissa and State Farm are there!
>She appeared to be about 15, which made sense, since I had been working
>on a work with her at that age.
Tom: It was called "Fifteen Candles." In it, Jay buys Marrissa's
underwear.
> "Good morning Marrissa," I said, trying to determine if she was
>just stopping by, or did I need to worry about more revenge.
Mike: Funny how quickly you become blase about meeting fictional
people.
> "Please
>come in."
> "Good morning, Mr. Ratliff,"
Crow: My, that's a lovely string of pearls that you're wearing today.
> Marrissa replied, entering the
>house. "I was on my way to UVA,
Tom: [singing] Do you know the way to UVA?
Crow: [singing] See the UVA in your Chevrolet...
> and I thought I'd stop by and see
>where you lived."
Mike: [Marrissa] "Funny. For some reason I always thought that there
was a trailer park involved somewhere."
> "Please call me Stephen,"
Tom: ". . . he said, as his steel blue eyes bored into me, and I felt
as if he could see into my very soul. Oh, how I longed to
have him wrap his strong arms around me so that I could
feel his heart beating. . ."
Mike: Tom, please stop it.
Crow: Yeah. You're even scaring me.
> I responded, as Marrissa took in the
>surroundings. A stair with an oak banister rail lead upstairs next to
>the Kitchen door. A piano flanked the other side.
Mike: The harp was spearheading the attack, supported by the drum set
, with the xylophones held in reserve.
> There was a
>blue-gray carpet, and the walls were an off-white. "So what do you
>think?"
Tom: Didn't that description of the furniture last longer than most
of Ratliff's battle scenes?
> "Not bad," Marrissa said. "Is the banister rail home crafted?"
Crow: Yep, they made it down at the rail yard.
> "Yes, my Dad made it," I replied.
> "I thought it looked too good for store bought," Marrissa
>replied, examining it closely. "It's much better than the stuff in
>your dorm room."
Mike: Yeah, it has chairs and everything.
> "State contract... not exactly the best way to get furniture,"
Tom: Score one for Ratliff.
>I explained. "My Dad is a master wood worker."
> "OH?"
Crow: Geez, Marrissa, don't take it so personally!
> "Yep, he made all of my bed room furniture, the dinner room
>furniture, and the entertainment center, not to mention four
>Grandfather clocks," I said.
Tom: Boy, midnight must be exciting in the Ratliff house. BONG!
BONG!! BONG!!! BONG!!!
> I'm very proud of my father's abilities.
Crow: He can also burp "Yankee Doodle."
> At that the doorbell rang again.
Crow: Funny, I always saw him as more of a *bzzt* type. I don't know
why.
> I turned around to discover my
>characterization committee at the door.
Mike: [committee] Stephen, we're worried that you're coming off a
little too homey this time. Could you get, I dunno, kick a
few butts just for balance?
> "Please sit down, Marrissa," I
>said. "I've got to greet those friends I wanted you to meet."
Tom: How thoughtful for Marrissa to phone ahead so that Ratliff could
invite company.
> I opened the door and said, "Hello." My committee marched in to
>take there regular seats. Leading them was Amber,
Mike: Who was a mere shadow of her normal self.
> a sixth grader who
>had been helping me with Marrissa's characterization since Who Q? Where
>Q?
Tom: [Ratliff] I think that Marrissa should solve the Naklab Situation
by rational discussion.
Mike: [Amber] No, I think she should solve it by brutalizing the
diplomats and beating one senseless.
Tom: [Ratliff, dubious] Really? Well, you're the expert on how girls
act.
>She took the end seat on the couch in the living room, opposite
>Marrissa who had taken a seat on the love seat.
Tom: [Barry White] Ooh baby...sit on my love seat, baby...
> Next was Cory, Amber's
>brother, who's actions had helped me with Jay,
Crow: Hopefully not after the marriage, though.
> and provided me with
>proof that you can do 2 cartwheels between the turbolift door and the
>Captain's chair.
Crow: I don't know which is worse, that Ratliff knows how far it is
between the door and the Captain's chair, or that he forgot
about the railing between the two.
Mike: I just want to know what Trekkie created a full sized replica
of the bridge so that they could test it out.
> Finally came Katherine, their step-sister and devil's
>advocate.
Tom: Boy, Keanu Reeves is really hurting for roles if he's reduced
to appearing in fan-fics.
> "Marrissa, this is my advisers
Tom: They're a group-mind, you see, so I refer to them in the
singular.
> on the early part of the time-
>line," I explained. "Amber handles you and sometime Shayna. Cory
>handles Jay and Alex and does a great impression of Alex's 'I
>don't wanna be a warrior.'
Tom: Mike does a good Janeway imitation.
Mike: I'm not doing that again, Tom.
>Kathy does Clara
Crow: So does Rich Little.
> and tries to convince me that ever action I
>make you and your fellow fictional characters do is wrong.
Crow: The voice of sanity!
All: HUZZAH!
Mike: Guys, I think Kathy would fit in up here just fine...
> Today
>they're suppose to be telling me what they think I should change about
>Away From Home: The Field Trip."
Tom: "It needs dinosaurs!"
Crow: "Yeah! And talking Gorillas!"
Mike: "Ooh and wrestlers too!"
> "Hmm, I'm glad I stopped by," Marrissa said. "I have some
>complaints about that one."
Tom: You know, I never thought I'd agree with Marrissa, but life has a
way of surprising you.
> "Would they include Chapter Five, next to last sentence," Amber
>asked.
Tom: What line is that?
Mike: Hang on. I'll check the archive. Okay, here we go:
"I treated her for P.M.S." Oh. That one.
Crow: I thought that it added an air of realism to the story.
Tom: Yeah, it turned "Away from Home" from a silly little space opera
into a wonderful tale of a girl coming of age.
Mike: I honestly don't know if you two are kidding or not.
> "What can't bring yourself to say it out loud, sis?" Cory
>remarked.
Mike: Oh all right! I really like Hanson's music.
> "I can say it," Amber replied. "I just chose not to. It
>shouldn't have been in there in the first place."
Tom: That's right! Marrissa should never reach puberty! Until she
becomes a woman, she'll be invincible! BWAH-HA-HA!
> "I'll agree with that," Marrissa stated.
Crow: See? Even Marrissa agrees. No PMS= eternal victory.
> "You just can't admit you suffer from it," Cory returned to his
>sister.
Crow: She gets that "not so fresh" feeling?
> "Cory, please don't get into that again," I interrupted, trying
>to prevent the usual shouting match.
Mike: But then that loudmouth Jack Germond spoke up.
> Cory smiled and sat back. Amber, trying to act mature, pulled
>out her objection list, "I also think you need to rethink the shuttle
>boarding scene in Chapter One.
Tom: I mean, why on earth did you decide that having the male Bridge
crew recreate "The Full Monty?" anyway?
> I'd try putting it more in Marrissa's
>point of view.
Mike: "Peon. Peon. Peon. Superior ranked peon. Morn. Target. Target.
Stud muffin. Peon. Peon."
> Especially with Shayna's practical joke, it would have
>more impact that way."
Crow: Say, if he's revising that scene, then doesn't that mean...?
Mike: Don't tell him. It'll be more enjoyable that way when we're
forced to watch it again.
All: <laugh evilly>
> "I think you should kill the
ALL: Cast?
> Personal Logs," Katherine said.
>"They don't fit."
Mike: Oh, just push harder.
> "If he re-does the Chapter to put them in Marrissa's point of
>view, they will," Amber said.
Tom: Oh yeah. The story just drags during that 2% of the story
that Marrissa is off screen.
> "I just think you need more action," Cory interrupted.
Crow: "Yeah. You're right. Do you know where that guy writing those
NYPD Blue fan-fics lives?"
> "That's what Jay always wants,"
Tom: So Jay told you what he wants, what he really, really wants?
> Marrissa commented. "More
>physical action.
Mike: Well, there goes that usual 'G' rating for the Ratliff fics.
Tom: Isn't that just like a guy?
> Personally, I'd rather have a little more
>conversation."
Crow: I bet she tried to drag him to see "One Fine Day" too. But no,
he just had to see "Supercop" instead. And they fought about
it and she stormed out of there and never spoke to him
again. [Begins sobbing] I'M SORRY DEBBIE! I'M REALLY SORRY!
PLEASE TAKE ME BACK! [Crow's mutterings become incoherant at
this point.]
Mike: Wonderful. Thanks a lot Stephen.
> "Wait a minute, you are the real Marrissa?" Amber remarked.
Tom: Nope. She's Martin Landau. It's all part of a cunning plan by
the IMF.
Cr ow: DEBBIE!
> "Yes," Marrissa responded. "Marrissa Amber Flores Picard,
>Princess and Heir to Essex, Lieutenant Commander, First Officer on the
>Stargazer.
Mike: Future head of Starfleet.
Tom: Slayer of the evil Romulans.
Mike: Bearer of the holy eggs of Essex.
Tom: And a future intern for President Libb Tinclon.
Crow: DEBBIE!
Tom: For Pete's sake...
Mike: Crow! You don't know anyone named Debbie! You have never
known anyone named Debbie!
Crow: <sniff> Really?
Mike: Yes!
Crow: Oh. Okay then.
> "Revenge Fic?" Cory assumed.
> "Yes," Marrissa said. "I just stopped by on my way to finish up
>my list. I wanted to see what I had coming to me."
Mike: Well, that depends on whether you believe the universe has a
sense of humor or not.
> "Not much," I informed. "You get feed up
Crow: Marrissa's a farmer now?
Tom: Hey, maybe Pearl will show us "A Day at the Farm" again.
> with your
>replacement at Fighter Commander, and he gets himself in trouble.
Tom: Great. Now Marrissa's in 'Junior.'
> I'm doing lots of
>revising and I've got a couple new Romulan War stories on the burner."
Crow: Well, it's about time.
Mike: He doesn't mean it literally.
Crow: Shoot.
> "Sounds interesting," Marrissa commented.
Tom: Makes sense.
> "So who are you going after now?" Katherine asked.
Crow: "Those weasels at Paramount. Reject 'Star Trek: Marrissa's
Excellent Adventures, will they?"
> "Well there is, Charles Rando,
Crow: Gooood Stephen. Have Marrissa go after a fellow A.S.C. writer.
That certainly won't annoy the rest of the group.
> Jarek Myszewski,
Tom: Subject of the famed "Myszewski Hunters" game.
> Loren Haarsma,
Mike: Coming soon to a plot hole near you.
> Merritt Stone,
Tom: Yeah like Marrissa knows anymore about who Merritt Stone
is than we do.
> Jamie Plummer,
Mike: By the way, where were you when Riker was killed, Jamie?
Crow: Mike, he was the man with the umbrella.
> Bill Livingston,
Mike: Wait a sec. His label says "No vengeance after 1/1/97."
Crow: I guess she's out of luck on that one.
> Suzanne Schroeder,
Tom: Who's much too fine an individual to even be mentioned in
one of your little stories!
Mike: For shame, Stephen!
> Petra Mitchell,
Tom: RUN, Petrea! Run before she realizes her mistake!
Crow: So, no "Mitchell!" jokes then?
Mike: Nope.
> Chris Mayfield,
Mike: He is the very model of a modern Mayfield General.
>and the two David Hineses," Marrissa said.
Crow: That sounds vaguely naughty. I don't know why.
Tom: o/~ They're authors! Identical authors! o/~
>"I'm not going to do much to them though. Just a little bit of
>scaring.
Tom: [Marrissa] Just enough to put the fear of *me* into them.
> I'm going to leave them all a complete set of Kid's
>Crew Dolls
Mike: Hey look! She left other figures too!
Tom: It's the "Oh no! Transporter Accident!" Troi action figure!
Crow: Oh, and the fully functional Horta action figure with
a Wesley Crusher twelve-pack!
> and a message carved into there bed's
Crow: No, there beds, there reactor core, there wolf.
> headboards. There is Roger Wilcox though, he's got something
>coming for freezing me in an asteroid."
Crow: Say, after being frozen wouldn't she be a little da...
<THWACK!>
[A projectile, looking suspiciously like an ice skate strikes
Crow, knocking him the the floor.]
Mike: [To the back of the theater] Thank you!
[Crow shakily returns to his seat.]
Crow: Okay, now I know better than to head down that path.
Tom: And knowing is half the battle.
> "Last I heard from you, you were going to stop by Adam Cadre's
>room and remove Mike Barklage's college credits," I said.
Mike: Why would someone's college credits be in somebody else's room?
> "What happened."
Mike: Well, I ran into a woman named Gloria who wanted to put me
in pictures.
> "I didn't have to do much to Adam," Marrissa said, smiling. "I
>just waited for him to return to his dorm room. Once he arrived and
>saw me, I think he just snapped.
Mike: He started talking about what a great show "Jenny" was.
>He said 'I'm dead,' and turned and ran. As far as I know he's
>still running."
Tom: Is he running into the sun, but he's running behind?
> At that, Adam Cadre runs into the house.
Crow: Ooh, and Adam arrives just on cue.
>He was wearing a very soiled out fit
Mike: At least it wasn't a soiled infit.
Crow: Ignoring the obvious riff Mike?
>and nearly out of breath. Since he came in by the
>Kitchen door,
Tom: Not renowned comics publisher Denis Kitchen?
Crow: Wow!
> he doesn't spot Marrissa. "You've got to save me,
>Stephen. She's out to kill me," he said.
> "No I'm not," Marrissa stated. Adam fainted at her voice.
Crow: "Not you! Kate Winslet! Kate Winslet's trying to kill me!
You've got to help me Stephen!"
> "Well, I guess I'm going to have to take Adam to the hospital,"
>I remarked. "I'll do it after you leave.
Crow: Yeah, his brain doesn't really need oxygen anyway.
> What did you to to Mike."
Tom: Well, I forced him to play baseball for a while, then I forced
him to do this lousy movie with cartoon co-stars.
> "I had Jackie get rid of all of his credits for the last year,"
>Marrissa said. "He was in tears when the letter from the registrar
>arrived telling him that he didn't have enough credits to graduate,
All:<Snicker>
Mike: Please, br'er Marrissa! Don't erase all of my credits and
make me stay in Boulder where I'll be surrounded by beautiful
ex-Californian co-eds!
> so I
>had the record restored, and upped his grades for the year by a letter
>grade."
Crow: Thus giving him a 1.8 GPA.
> "That was nice of you," I remarked.
Tom: Hey, when's Marrissa going to get revenge on *us*? It looks like
it's the best thing that can happen to you!
Mike: "I created you, but do you alter my grades? Noooo."
> "I better be going," Marrissa said. "And I'll take care of
>Adam.
Tom: He'll be wearing those cement overshoes soon.
> You work on those revisions, and if I still have PMS when you're
>finished with The Field Trip, I'm coming back."
Mike: Cause, you know, she'll still be angry.
> "You don't need a reason to stop by, Marrissa," Amber said.
Crow: After all, we're just toys for you, oh omnipotent one.
>"I'd love to talk to you some more. I'm sure you have more stories
>than Stephen has told."
Tom: Like how you iced Jimmy "The Weasel" in that bar fight in Philly.
> "Sorry, Amber, but Stephen has to approve all of them," Marrissa
>said.
Tom: [sarcastic] Oh, is the great and mighty Stephen Ratliff going
to approve...[normal] ...wait...actually, he would have to,
wouldn't he?
Mike: Fat chance that Viacom would.
Crow: Great. I guess we'll never see my "Marrissa: Vampire Slayer
meets Baywatch" story then.
> "Go ahead Marrissa," I replied. "I'll let her write stories, if
>she continues the help with mine."
All: <stunned silence>
Tom: He's going to let a sixth grader write Marrissa stories?
Crow: <shakily> It can't be any worse, can it Mike? Tell me that it
can't get any worse!
Mike: I don't know. I just don't know.
> At that Marrissa tapped her communicator, and with a "Picard to
>Stargazer, two to beam up," she disappeared in a swirl of lights.
Crow: Stephen! Turn off that blasted disco ball!
Tom: o/~ Dancing queen... o/~
>The End ... for now
Mike: Are we going to get a whole series of these?
Tom: Well, I bet they're a lot quicker to write than his usual
sweeping epics.
>--
>Stephen Ratliff
All: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
> CS Major, Radford University.
>srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
Crow: Isn't that also where Jenny lives?
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
Mike: And offensive coordinator for the 1997 Baltimore Ravens.
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer and
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/index/ Index Maintainer for
>http://aviary.share.net/~alara/ alt.startrek.creative
>"The only reason they haven't killed me is that I'm part of their
> victory celebration. 7:00, Dukat makes a speech,
Tom: 7:15, the Cardassian Bureau of Intelligence implicates
Richard Jewel in the sabotage of the deflector array.
> 8:30, cake and raktagino,
Crow: 8:31, Moonlight vigil for Rom begins. 8:32, Seinfeld rerun
begins; vigil ends.
> 8:45, execute the Ferengi."
Mike: 9:00, Fox televises their "The Life of Rom" miniseries.
> -Rom, DS9 "Sacrifice of Angels"
Crow : Was that a crossover with "Touched by an Angel" ?
Tom: Time to go.
Crow: Oh, Mike?
Mike: Yeah?
Crow: The llamas are not as they seem.
Mike: What?
[Crow and Tom begin to laugh, and their silhouettes disappear
from the theater. Mike rushes to the theater door as the fan-fic
begins again.]
Mike: Hey! Let me out of here! Someone! Please! AHHHHHHH!!!!!
[The door sequence runs, while Mike's screams of horror continue.]
[1...2...3...4...5...6...]
[All is dark on the Satellite of Love.]
Voice Over: Mike? Miiike?
[The darkness fades, and we see Mike with a wet towel pressed against
his head on the top lying down on the control console. Tom, Crow
and Gypsy stand around him. Tom's wearing a hard hat.]
Crow: Mike? You okay?
Mike: Ow. What happened?
Crow: Tom hit you with an I beam.
Gypsy: Our workman's comp rates are going to soar because of this.
Tom: It was an accident! I was building a skyscraper in the hallway
and it just got away from me.
Crow: Suuure, Tom.
Mike: It's okay guys. It doesn't matter. It was all just a
dream. A horrible, nightmarish dream.
[The mads light begins to flash.] Uh oh.
[Mike hits the light.] Um, yes?
<Widowmaker>
[Pearl, Bobo, and The Observer sit in their usual places. Pearl
grins evilly.]
Pearl: Hello, Nelstun. We've got a real doozy for you today. It's
called "Quest of the Delta Knights." It stars David Warner
as a young knight who hooks up with a secret order out to
save the world using the technology of Atlantis. Oh, and
they're all professional arm wrestlestlers too. Enjoy.
<SoL>
Mike: Wait, there's no teenaged girls commanding a spaceship in it?
Really? Oh wow. This'll be great! Come on guys! Let's go! It's
just a movie! It's only a movie! [Mike bounces towards the
doors. Tom and Crow stare at each other, and then shrug
and move towards the theater.]
<Widowmaker>
[The three sit in silence.]
Pearl: He's looking forward to this film?
Observer: Something's dreadfully wrong here.
Pearl: Let's scrub the experiment. Do we have a backup movie?
Bobo: Sure, Lawgiver. <He begins to rummage around.> It's ,um. . .
<He surfaces with a tape> Ah, "The Deadly Bees." It has, er,
killer bees in it.
Pearl: It'll have to do. <Softly> We have to find out what's made them
so scared that they're happy to see our films. And when we do,
we'll make Mike Nelson's life into the living Hell that he so
deserves. BWAH-HA-HA-HA!
[The Observer also begins to laugh evilly. Bobo looks at both of them,
shrugs, and then pushes the button.]
\ | /
\ | /
--- * --- PWOOOOSH!
/ | \
/ | \
Bobo: So, are we going to watch "Quest of the Delta Knights" now?
Pearl: Shut up, Bobo.
"Marrissa's Revenge II" was MiSTed by:
Doug Atkinson. (do...@earlham.edu )
Matthew Blackwell (Editor) (mbla...@ix.netcom.com)
Original text by Stephen B. Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu)
"Star Trek", "Star Trek The Next Generation", "Deep Space Nine",
"Star Trek: Voyager" and all related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1998 Desilu/Paramount/Viacom. All rights
are reserved.
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and (c) 1998 by Best Brains, Inc.
All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non-commercial
parody, review, and commentary purposes only; no infringement
on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc., Paramount, Inc., or anyone else, is intended or should be
inferred.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred.
No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s)
are or should be implied. All characters in this work are
fictional except for those who aren't , and any resemblance
to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
A special thanks to Loren Haarsma's former apartmentmate for the
"action figures" line.
Marrissa Picard will return in "Dominions are Forever."
Keep circulating the posts.
> "Yes," Marrissa responded. "Marrissa Amber Flores Picard,
>Princess and Heir to Essex, Lieutenant Commander, First Officer on the
>Stargazer."
Stephen Ratliff
Now this is how to MST, Matt asked, (several times)
Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: Mystery Usenet Theater 3000:
: Marrissa's Revenge II
: By Stephen B. Ratliff
:
: MiSTing by Doug Atkinson and Matt Blackwell
:
: [Season 8 Opening]
:
[Cut most of opening scene
:
: <Widowmaker>
: Pearl: Never better Mikey me boy.
: Bobo: You over-evolved fool!
: Observer: Why you yell at me monkey?
: Bobo: I'm yelling at you because your grasp of the game is sorely
: lacking, you alibino buffoon! You can't have seven cards in a
: game of five card stud!
: Observer: Me play the game right!
: Pearl: Now, now boys. Play nicely. [To Mike] Well, it's time for
: the day's activity Mike. Today, you get the privledge of
: reading another story from the master of Star Trek Fan Fic,
: Mr. Stephen Ratliff. Have fun! [She turns back to the other
: two and laughs.] Observer, are you eating the cards again?
: Observer: [with mouth stuffed] Nof mim.
: Pearl: Oh, Observer. [She begins to laugh again.]
:
: <SoL>
: Mike: Ah! We've got Ratliff sign!
: [Mike, Tom, and Crow rush about before entering the theater.]
Poor bots...
:
: [6...5...4...3...2...1...]
: [The trio enters and sits down.]
: Mike: Did Pearl seem to be acting strangely to either of you?
: Tom: No.
: Crow: Nope.
: Mike: Um, you two feel fine, right?
: Tom: Mike, we're the same as we always are.
: Crow: Geez Mike. Get a grip. Narf!
: [Mike stares at Crow for a moment before looking back towards
: the screen.]
:
:
: >From srat...@runet.edu
:
: All: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
:
: > Tue Jan 27 18:04:18 1998
:
: Crow: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!
: Mike: Crow, it's the date.
: Crow: Sorry. I was having Ratliff flashbacks.
:
: >Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
:
: Tom: Well, they don't really have news there, just stories, RPG
: announcements and flamewars.
I hope we don't have any more flamewars (the Slash Debate was bad
enought)
: Crow: Well, they don't really have stories either, just a bunch of
: badly formatted paragraphs that are supposed to be stories.
: Mike: Crow, don't help them start another flamewar.
:
: >Subject: New TNG "Marrissa's Revenge II" (RevengeFic, Marrissa's
: >Stories)
:
: Mike: Didn't that used to be 'The Marrissa stories?'
: Crow: She's probably doing the writing now too.
For RevengeFic only.
:
: >From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
:
: All: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
: Tom: Why did Ratliff list his name twice?
: Mike: It's a tribute to that episode where the Enterprise keeps
: blowing up. We'll probably see his name a few dozen more
: times before the story ends.
It's the newserver.
:
: >Date: 28 Jan 1998 00:04:18 GMT
Hmmmm.... That's an idea :)
:
: >Now that that's out of the way, Crowning Horses presents ...
:
: Tom: So, Adam Duritz wrote this, not Ratliff?
: Crow: It couldn't be any worse than normal.
No, I just made that up off the top of my head from my first name and my
little brother's.
:
: > Marrissa's Revenge II
: > Adam and Eve
:
: Tom: This is going to turn into one of those stories where two
: shipwreck survivors actually populate the Earth, isn't it?
: Crow: [deep, sleazy voice; ] From the Adam and Eve collection,
: we have Marrissa Picard in a sl--
: Mike: Do you really want that image in your head?
: Crow: [shuddering] No...
: Tom: Oh, THANKS, Crow.
:
: > It was a nice day in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia.
:
: Tom: o/~ Take me home, country roads.. o/~
: Mike: No. Just No.
Should have been ...
o/~ ... on the trail of the Lonesome Pine o/~
:
: > I was on Thanksgiving Break. It was Friday, which meant that
: >today we'd be
:
: Tom: Eating fish?
:
: >having Thanksgiving Dinner at home,
:
: Mike: Stephen, last time that I checked Thanksgiving's on Thursday.
:
: > having had one of the five dinners
: >yearly dinners at Grandma's on Thanksgiving.
:
: Tom: Five dinners in a single day? But Stephen's so thin...
: Crow: Yes, just drop by http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/diet.html
: for the full details on the Ratliff diet!
Considering that I'm ten pounds under weight...
:
: > Grandma was getting old, and I hated to see her like that,
:
: Mike: Hmmm.
: Tom: Do you think that some psychological transference might be
: going on here?
: Crow: You mean like Stephen writes about a young girl because he
: dislikes the thought of those that he loves growing old?
: Tom: Yeah.
: Crow: Nah. I think Ratliff just likes to write about young girls
: kicking Romulan butt.
: Mike: Sometimes a young buttkicker of Romulans is just a young
: buttkicker of Romulans.
Perhaps I should have discribed my grandmother's condition more...
:
: > but I
: >did like to see my cousins. As usual, I was assigned to watch all the
: >kids under the age of 10.
:
: Tom: Uh-oh.
: Crow: He's going to open that day care center, isn't he?
:
: > Ever since the Easter Egg fight,
:
: Crow: Um?
: Mike: Please, don't try to learn more about that.
Too late. Back in 1990 a couple of my cousins went up to the attic
during the annual Easter dinner at Grandma's and had a fight with Easter
eggs. I was the only cousin not involved. (I was helping my dad fix
the bathroom sink) So guess who got stuck with watching them from then
on?
:
: > none of
: >the family trusts them to behave without some supervision, and they prefer
: >me over any of my Aunts. (And I prefer my Aunts to be working on
: >Thanksgiving Dinner.)
:
: Mike: I would prefer that Chefs be working on Thanksgiving dinner.
Aunts Hazel, Odell, Weeta, and Ruth are Chefs.
:
: > Since I had no two year olds this year, things had went well.
: >When Alex had been little, it was a nightmare, but since he turned
: >three, he's been an angel (That and he wants to hear my stories)
:
: Mike: Stephen, have his parents seek psychiatric help for him. *Now.*
: Crow: [Alex] Cousin Stephen, tell me about the Naklab Dispute again!
: Tom: [Ratliff] Well, one day Marrissa woke up and said "I'm in a mood
: for some stompin'..."
I don't tell him Marrissa Stories ... I tell tall tails.
:
: > Well the day was going well. I'd finished a chapter of my
: >latest story, and my consultants
:
: Crow: Consultants?
: Tom: That's a sugar coated way of saying that they're unemployed.
: Crow: Oh. So Mike's a consultant then?
: Mike: Hey!
:
: > from across the street were coming
: >over to go over some scenes,
:
: Mike: Then we were going to renovate our old barn and put on a show!
:
: > and help me with some dialogue.
:
: Mike: "Hmm. The enime ships blewed up real gud. Marrissa had defeeted
: teh ntire Romulin nayvee. " Looks good to me, Steve!
:
: > The doorbell rang, a two tone ding-dong.
:
: Tom: Aren't all ding-dongs black and brown?
: Crow: Ask Mike "I lived on Hostess Products for a year" Nelson.
: Mike: It was Bearclaws, Crow. Not Ding-dongs.
:
: > I ascended the five
: >stairs to the living room,
:
: Tom: [lower-class British accent] Oh, we *ascended*, did we? Gettin'
: all 'igh and mighty? Climbin's not *good* enough for us posh
: types any more? "Oh, pardon me, mater, I'm orff to ascend
: into the welkin with my aeroplane."
:
: > and answered the door. Marrissa was there.
:
: Mike: Disaster strikes! And Marrissa and State Farm are there!
LOL.
:
: >She appeared to be about 15, which made sense, since I had been working
: >on a work with her at that age.
:
: Tom: It was called "Fifteen Candles." In it, Jay buys Marrissa's
: underwear.
Nope, it was "The Walls of Jellico"
:
: > "Good morning Marrissa," I said, trying to determine if she was
: >just stopping by, or did I need to worry about more revenge.
:
: Mike: Funny how quickly you become blase about meeting fictional
: people.
:
: > "Please
: >come in."
: > "Good morning, Mr. Ratliff,"
:
: Crow: My, that's a lovely string of pearls that you're wearing today.
Low blow, but interesting.
:
: > Marrissa replied, entering the
: >house. "I was on my way to UVA,
:
: Tom: [singing] Do you know the way to UVA?
: Crow: [singing] See the UVA in your Chevrolet...
:
: > and I thought I'd stop by and see
: >where you lived."
:
: Mike: [Marrissa] "Funny. For some reason I always thought that there
: was a trailer park involved somewhere."
:
: > "Please call me Stephen,"
:
: Tom: ". . . he said, as his steel blue eyes bored into me, and I felt
: as if he could see into my very soul. Oh, how I longed to
: have him wrap his strong arms around me so that I could
: feel his heart beating. . ."
: Mike: Tom, please stop it.
: Crow: Yeah. You're even scaring me.
:
:
: > I responded, as Marrissa took in the
: >surroundings. A stair with an oak banister rail lead upstairs next to
: >the Kitchen door. A piano flanked the other side.
:
: Mike: The harp was spearheading the attack, supported by the drum set
: , with the xylophones held in reserve.
The drum set is over at the Hendersons.
:
: > There was a
: >blue-gray carpet, and the walls were an off-white. "So what do you
: >think?"
:
: Tom: Didn't that description of the furniture last longer than most
: of Ratliff's battle scenes?
Nope.
:
: > "Not bad," Marrissa said. "Is the banister rail home crafted?"
:
: Crow: Yep, they made it down at the rail yard.
:
: > "Yes, my Dad made it," I replied.
: > "I thought it looked too good for store bought," Marrissa
: >replied, examining it closely. "It's much better than the stuff in
: >your dorm room."
:
: Mike: Yeah, it has chairs and everything.
:
: > "State contract... not exactly the best way to get furniture,"
:
: Tom: Score one for Ratliff.
I have chairs now!
:
: >I explained. "My Dad is a master wood worker."
: > "OH?"
:
: Crow: Geez, Marrissa, don't take it so personally!
:
: > "Yep, he made all of my bed room furniture, the dinner room
: >furniture, and the entertainment center, not to mention four
: >Grandfather clocks," I said.
:
: Tom: Boy, midnight must be exciting in the Ratliff house. BONG!
: BONG!! BONG!!! BONG!!!
Nope, he sold three of them (and I keep the chimes on the last one OFF.
:
: > I'm very proud of my father's abilities.
:
: Crow: He can also burp "Yankee Doodle."
Dad, Mr. Vulcan, Mom's Silent Partner burp a tune ... not likely.
:
: > At that the doorbell rang again.
:
: Crow: Funny, I always saw him as more of a *bzzt* type. I don't know
: why.
:
: > I turned around to discover my
: >characterization committee at the door.
:
: Mike: [committee] Stephen, we're worried that you're coming off a
: little too homey this time. Could you get, I dunno, kick a
: few butts just for balance?
I think I'll see what Amber, Cory, and Kathy think of that comment.
:
: > "Please sit down, Marrissa," I
: >said. "I've got to greet those friends I wanted you to meet."
:
: Tom: How thoughtful for Marrissa to phone ahead so that Ratliff could
: invite company.
:
: > I opened the door and said, "Hello." My committee marched in to
: >take there regular seats. Leading them was Amber,
:
: Mike: Who was a mere shadow of her normal self.
:
: > a sixth grader who
: >had been helping me with Marrissa's characterization since Who Q? Where
: >Q?
:
: Tom: [Ratliff] I think that Marrissa should solve the Naklab Situation
: by rational discussion.
: Mike: [Amber] No, I think she should solve it by brutalizing the
: diplomats and beating one senseless.
: Tom: [Ratliff, dubious] Really? Well, you're the expert on how girls
: act.
:
: >She took the end seat on the couch in the living room, opposite
: >Marrissa who had taken a seat on the love seat.
:
: Tom: [Barry White] Ooh baby...sit on my love seat, baby...
:
: > Next was Cory, Amber's
: >brother, who's actions had helped me with Jay,
:
: Crow: Hopefully not after the marriage, though.
We can hope ... and on second thought, I better make sure they don't see
this MSTing.
:
: > and provided me with
: >proof that you can do 2 cartwheels between the turbolift door and the
: >Captain's chair.
:
: Crow: I don't know which is worse, that Ratliff knows how far it is
: between the door and the Captain's chair, or that he forgot
: about the railing between the two.
The forward turbolift. (and it's 21 feet)
: Mike: I just want to know what Trekkie created a full sized replica
: of the bridge so that they could test it out.
No need if you have the plans.
:
: > Finally came Katherine, their step-sister and devil's
: >advocate.
:
: Tom: Boy, Keanu Reeves is really hurting for roles if he's reduced
: to appearing in fan-fics.
:
: > "Marrissa, this is my advisers
:
: Tom: They're a group-mind, you see, so I refer to them in the
: singular.
:
: > on the early part of the time-
: >line," I explained. "Amber handles you and sometime Shayna. Cory
: >handles Jay and Alex and does a great impression of Alex's 'I
: >don't wanna be a warrior.'
:
: Tom: Mike does a good Janeway imitation.
: Mike: I'm not doing that again, Tom.
:
: >Kathy does Clara
:
: Crow: So does Rich Little.
:
: > and tries to convince me that ever action I
: >make you and your fellow fictional characters do is wrong.
:
: Crow: The voice of sanity!
: All: HUZZAH!
: Mike: Guys, I think Kathy would fit in up here just fine...
Hmmm... I think I'm going to have to talk to Kathy. She might just want
to help me with my Marrissa Stories/MST3k crossover.
:
: > Today
: >they're suppose to be telling me what they think I should change about
: >Away From Home: The Field Trip."
:
: Tom: "It needs dinosaurs!"
: Crow: "Yeah! And talking Gorillas!"
: Mike: "Ooh and wrestlers too!"
Actually, the suggestions they gaver where:
More Damage to the Shuttlecraft
Have Picard and/or Data come to pick them up
Destory the Trakce ship.
:
: > "Hmm, I'm glad I stopped by," Marrissa said. "I have some
: >complaints about that one."
:
: Tom: You know, I never thought I'd agree with Marrissa, but life has a
: way of surprising you.
:
: > "Would they include Chapter Five, next to last sentence," Amber
: >asked.
:
: Tom: What line is that?
: Mike: Hang on. I'll check the archive. Okay, here we go:
: "I treated her for P.M.S." Oh. That one.
: Crow: I thought that it added an air of realism to the story.
: Tom: Yeah, it turned "Away from Home" from a silly little space opera
: into a wonderful tale of a girl coming of age.
: Mike: I honestly don't know if you two are kidding or not.
I hope they were. I regret that line more than any other one.
:
: > "What can't bring yourself to say it out loud, sis?" Cory
: >remarked.
:
: Mike: Oh all right! I really like Hanson's music.
:
: > "I can say it," Amber replied. "I just chose not to. It
: >shouldn't have been in there in the first place."
:
: Tom: That's right! Marrissa should never reach puberty! Until she
: becomes a woman, she'll be invincible! BWAH-HA-HA!
Not likely.
:
: > "I'll agree with that," Marrissa stated.
:
: Crow: See? Even Marrissa agrees. No PMS= eternal victory.
Nope.
:
: > "You just can't admit you suffer from it," Cory returned to his
: >sister.
:
: Crow: She gets that "not so fresh" feeling?
I don't think Amber will want to answer that.
:
: > "Cory, please don't get into that again," I interrupted, trying
: >to prevent the usual shouting match.
:
: Mike: But then that loudmouth Jack Germond spoke up.
:
: > Cory smiled and sat back. Amber, trying to act mature, pulled
: >out her objection list, "I also think you need to rethink the shuttle
: >boarding scene in Chapter One.
:
: Tom: I mean, why on earth did you decide that having the male Bridge
: crew recreate "The Full Monty?" anyway?
:
: > I'd try putting it more in Marrissa's
: >point of view.
:
: Mike: "Peon. Peon. Peon. Superior ranked peon. Morn. Target. Target.
: Stud muffin. Peon. Peon."
Interesting ... I may have use for this type of line.
:
: > Especially with Shayna's practical joke, it would have
: >more impact that way."
:
: Crow: Say, if he's revising that scene, then doesn't that mean...?
: Mike: Don't tell him. It'll be more enjoyable that way when we're
: forced to watch it again.
: All: <laugh evilly>
<Little Boy Voice>
Tell me, Tell me, Please, Pretty Please
</Little Boy Voice>
:
: > "I think you should kill the
:
: ALL: Cast?
:
: > Personal Logs," Katherine said.
: >"They don't fit."
:
: Mike: Oh, just push harder.
:
: > "If he re-does the Chapter to put them in Marrissa's point of
: >view, they will," Amber said.
:
: Tom: Oh yeah. The story just drags during that 2% of the story
: that Marrissa is off screen.
Actually it's 9.3 percent (I really shouldn't have checked that)
:
: > "I just think you need more action," Cory interrupted.
:
: Crow: "Yeah. You're right. Do you know where that guy writing those
: NYPD Blue fan-fics lives?"
:
: > "That's what Jay always wants,"
:
: Tom: So Jay told you what he wants, what he really, really wants?
:
: > Marrissa commented. "More
: >physical action.
:
: Mike: Well, there goes that usual 'G' rating for the Ratliff fics.
: Tom: Isn't that just like a guy?
:
: > Personally, I'd rather have a little more
: >conversation."
:
: Crow: I bet she tried to drag him to see "One Fine Day" too. But no,
: he just had to see "Supercop" instead. And they fought about
: it and she stormed out of there and never spoke to him
: again. [Begins sobbing] I'M SORRY DEBBIE! I'M REALLY SORRY!
: PLEASE TAKE ME BACK! [Crow's mutterings become incoherant at
: this point.]
: Mike: Wonderful. Thanks a lot Stephen.
You're welcome.
:
: > "Wait a minute, you are the real Marrissa?" Amber remarked.
:
: Tom: Nope. She's Martin Landau. It's all part of a cunning plan by
: the IMF.
: Cr ow: DEBBIE!
:
: > "Yes," Marrissa responded. "Marrissa Amber Flores Picard,
: >Princess and Heir to Essex, Lieutenant Commander, First Officer on the
: >Stargazer.
:
: Mike: Future head of Starfleet.
: Tom: Slayer of the evil Romulans.
Well, that one is prophetic.
: Mike: Bearer of the holy eggs of Essex.
Huh?
: Tom: And a future intern for President Libb Tinclon.
:
: > "Revenge Fic?" Cory assumed.
: > "Yes," Marrissa said. "I just stopped by on my way to finish up
: >my list. I wanted to see what I had coming to me."
:
: Mike: Well, that depends on whether you believe the universe has a
: sense of humor or not.
:
: > "Not much," I informed. "You get feed up
:
: Crow: Marrissa's a farmer now?
: Tom: Hey, maybe Pearl will show us "A Day at the Farm" again.
:
: > with your
: >replacement at Fighter Commander, and he gets himself in trouble.
:
: Tom: Great. Now Marrissa's in 'Junior.'
Nope.
:
: > I'm doing lots of
: >revising and I've got a couple new Romulan War stories on the burner."
:
: Crow: Well, it's about time.
: Mike: He doesn't mean it literally.
: Crow: Shoot.
:
: > "Sounds interesting," Marrissa commented.
:
: Tom: Makes sense.
:
: > "So who are you going after now?" Katherine asked.
:
: Crow: "Those weasels at Paramount. Reject 'Star Trek: Marrissa's
: Excellent Adventures, will they?"
:
: > "Well there is, Charles Rando,
:
: Crow: Gooood Stephen. Have Marrissa go after a fellow A.S.C. writer.
: That certainly won't annoy the rest of the group.
Hey, I took this list from the last MSTing of my Revenge Fic.
:
: > Jarek Myszewski,
:
: Tom: Subject of the famed "Myszewski Hunters" game.
:
: > Loren Haarsma,
:
: Mike: Coming soon to a plot hole near you.
:
: > Merritt Stone,
:
: Tom: Yeah like Marrissa knows anymore about who Merritt Stone
: is than we do.
:
: > Jamie Plummer,
:
: Mike: By the way, where were you when Riker was killed, Jamie?
: Crow: Mike, he was the man with the umbrella.
:
: > Bill Livingston,
:
: Mike: Wait a sec. His label says "No vengeance after 1/1/97."
: Crow: I guess she's out of luck on that one.
It's a shame he removed the label.
:
: > Suzanne Schroeder,
:
: Tom: Who's much too fine an individual to even be mentioned in
: one of your little stories!
: Mike: For shame, Stephen!
:
: > Petra Mitchell,
:
: Tom: RUN, Petrea! Run before she realizes her mistake!
: Crow: So, no "Mitchell!" jokes then?
: Mike: Nope.
:
: > Chris Mayfield,
:
: Mike: He is the very model of a modern Mayfield General.
:
: >and the two David Hineses," Marrissa said.
:
: Crow: That sounds vaguely naughty. I don't know why.
: Tom: o/~ They're authors! Identical authors! o/~
:
: >"I'm not going to do much to them though. Just a little bit of
: >scaring.
:
: Tom: [Marrissa] Just enough to put the fear of *me* into them.
:
: > I'm going to leave them all a complete set of Kid's
: >Crew Dolls
:
: Mike: Hey look! She left other figures too!
: Tom: It's the "Oh no! Transporter Accident!" Troi action figure!
: Crow: Oh, and the fully functional Horta action figure with
: a Wesley Crusher twelve-pack!
:
: > and a message carved into there bed's
:
: Crow: No, there beds, there reactor core, there wolf.
I've got to remember the right their.
:
: > headboards. There is Roger Wilcox though, he's got something
How did he graduate and are you willing to have him after you?
:
: > "That was nice of you," I remarked.
:
: Tom: Hey, when's Marrissa going to get revenge on *us*? It looks like
: it's the best thing that can happen to you!
: Mike: "I created you, but do you alter my grades? Noooo."
Actually I plan on having Marrissa rescue them.
:
: > "I better be going," Marrissa said. "And I'll take care of
: >Adam.
:
: Tom: He'll be wearing those cement overshoes soon.
:
: > You work on those revisions, and if I still have PMS when you're
: >finished with The Field Trip, I'm coming back."
:
: Mike: Cause, you know, she'll still be angry.
:
: > "You don't need a reason to stop by, Marrissa," Amber said.
:
: Crow: After all, we're just toys for you, oh omnipotent one.
:
: >"I'd love to talk to you some more. I'm sure you have more stories
: >than Stephen has told."
:
: Tom: Like how you iced Jimmy "The Weasel" in that bar fight in Philly.
:
: > "Sorry, Amber, but Stephen has to approve all of them," Marrissa
: >said.
:
: Tom: [sarcastic] Oh, is the great and mighty Stephen Ratliff going
: to approve...[normal] ...wait...actually, he would have to,
: wouldn't he?
: Mike: Fat chance that Viacom would.
: Crow: Great. I guess we'll never see my "Marrissa: Vampire Slayer
: meets Baywatch" story then.
You got that right.
:
: > "Go ahead Marrissa," I replied. "I'll let her write stories, if
: >she continues the help with mine."
:
: All: <stunned silence>
: Tom: He's going to let a sixth grader write Marrissa stories?
: Crow: <shakily> It can't be any worse, can it Mike? Tell me that it
: can't get any worse!
: Mike: I don't know. I just don't know.
:
Who just got an perfect grade in AP Langauge Arts (it's not called
English until 8th Grade.)
: > At that Marrissa tapped her communicator, and with a "Picard to
: >Stargazer, two to beam up," she disappeared in a swirl of lights.
:
: Crow: Stephen! Turn off that blasted disco ball!
: Tom: o/~ Dancing queen... o/~
:
: >The End ... for now
:
: Mike: Are we going to get a whole series of these?
: Tom: Well, I bet they're a lot quicker to write than his usual
: sweeping epics.
Yep.
:
: >--
: >Stephen Ratliff
:
: All: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
:
: > CS Major, Radford University.
: >srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
:
: Crow: Isn't that also where Jenny lives?
Don't know a Jenny. Janet, Janie, Jennifer, Jean, and Jeanette, yes.
:
: >rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
:
: Mike: And offensive coordinator for the 1997 Baltimore Ravens.
I hate the Ravens.
:
: >http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
: >http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer and
: >http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/index/ Index Maintainer for
: >http://aviary.share.net/~alara/ alt.startrek.creative
:
: >"The only reason they haven't killed me is that I'm part of their
: > victory celebration. 7:00, Dukat makes a speech,
:
: Tom: 7:15, the Cardassian Bureau of Intelligence implicates
: Richard Jewel in the sabotage of the deflector array.
:
: > 8:30, cake and raktagino,
:
: Crow: 8:31, Moonlight vigil for Rom begins. 8:32, Seinfeld rerun
: begins; vigil ends.
:
: > 8:45, execute the Ferengi."
:
: Mike: 9:00, Fox televises their "The Life of Rom" miniseries.
:
: > -Rom, DS9 "Sacrifice of Angels"
:
: Crow : Was that a crossover with "Touched by an Angel" ?
And commonly misspelled as "Sacrifice of Angles"
: Tom: Time to go.
: Crow: Oh, Mike?
: Mike: Yeah?
: Crow: The llamas are not as they seem.
: Mike: What?
: [Crow and Tom begin to laugh, and their silhouettes disappear
: from the theater. Mike rushes to the theater door as the fan-fic
: begins again.]
: Mike: Hey! Let me out of here! Someone! Please! AHHHHHHH!!!!!
:
:
: "Marrissa's Revenge II" was MiSTed by:
Marrissa is now appearing in "The Walls of Jellico" and will soon be in
"Return to Glory"
Stephen Ratliff, in his traditional response
--
Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer and
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/index/ Index Maintainer for
http://aviary.share.net/~alara/ alt.startrek.creative
"The only reason they haven't killed me is that I'm part of their
victory celebration. 7:00, Dukat makes a speech, 8:30, cake and
raktagino, 8:45, execute the Ferengi."
Richard Gardineer
Stephen Ratliff wrote:
MARISSA rescues MaTB?!
NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Arthur A. Gardineer
FoxTrot
Stephen "I can't spell to save my life" Ratliff wrote:
> Now this is how to MST, Matt asked, (several times)
>
> Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
> : Mystery Usenet Theater 3000:
> : Marrissa's Revenge II
> : >From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
> :
> : All: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
> : Tom: Why did Ratliff list his name twice?
> : Mike: It's a tribute to that episode where the Enterprise keeps
> : blowing up. We'll probably see his name a few dozen more
> : times before the story ends.
> It's the newserver.
Oh, sure. Pass the buck.
> : >Now that that's out of the way, Crowning Horses presents ...
> :
> : Tom: So, Adam Duritz wrote this, not Ratliff?
> : Crow: It couldn't be any worse than normal.
> No, I just made that up off the top of my head from my first name and my
> little brother's.
I thought your first name was Stephen and why is your little brother named
Horses. What were your parents doing when they named him?
> : > I was on Thanksgiving Break. It was Friday, which meant that
> : >today we'd be
> :
> : Tom: Eating fish?
> :
> : >having Thanksgiving Dinner at home,
> :
> : Mike: Stephen, last time that I checked Thanksgiving's on Thursday.
> :
> : > having had one of the five dinners
> : >yearly dinners at Grandma's on Thanksgiving.
> :
> : Tom: Five dinners in a single day? But Stephen's so thin...
> : Crow: Yes, just drop by http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/diet.html
> : for the full details on the Ratliff diet!
> Considering that I'm ten pounds under weight...
So, Stephen no comment about the fact that you messed up the day of Thanksgiving
> : >When Alex had been little, it was a nightmare, but since he turned
> : >three, he's been an angel (That and he wants to hear my stories)
> :
> : Mike: Stephen, have his parents seek psychiatric help for him. *Now.*
> : Crow: [Alex] Cousin Stephen, tell me about the Naklab Dispute again!
> : Tom: [Ratliff] Well, one day Marrissa woke up and said "I'm in a mood
> : for some stompin'..."
> I don't tell him Marrissa Stories ... I tell tall tails.
Good to hear you don't deliberately scare little children
> : > "So who are you going after now?" Katherine asked.
> :
> : Crow: "Those weasels at Paramount. Reject 'Star Trek: Marrissa's
> : Excellent Adventures, will they?"
> :
> : > "Well there is, Charles Rando,
> :
> : Crow: Gooood Stephen. Have Marrissa go after a fellow A.S.C. writer.
> : That certainly won't annoy the rest of the group.
What, no AMAZING RANDO jokes. Such as, The AMAZING RANDO would kick Marrissa's
butt.
> : >http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
> : >http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer and
> : >http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/index/ Index Maintainer for
> : >http://aviary.share.net/~alara/ alt.startrek.creative
Hey, he didn't list the Marrissa page at
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/works/MS.htmlI'd like to see someone take all
the text on the Marrissa page and MST that. I think that would be quite funny.
BTW, I have new .sig.
--
Tom "FoxTrot" Cox
MSTie #83019
And don't forget, The Associated Press tells us that 218 people have been killed
on the nation's highways, the National Safety Council expects a total of 500.
You're Not Trying Friends!
Matthew R Blackwell
On 20 Feb 1998 04:50:45 GMT, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
wrote:
>:
>: > "Please
>: >come in."
>: > "Good morning, Mr. Ratliff,"
>:
>: Crow: My, that's a lovely string of pearls that you're wearing today.
>Low blow, but interesting.
Okay, I do have to comment here. Stephen, I was thinking Eddie Haskell
on this one, not Ed Wood.
>: > so I
>: >had the record restored, and upped his grades for the year by a letter
>: >grade."
>:
>: Crow: Thus giving him a 1.8 GPA.
>How did he graduate and are you willing to have him after you?
>:
And I'll comment here too. I'm a fellow alumni of that fine institute
of learning. Therefore, I have certain freedom in making fun of its
students.
Captain T'Mara
Bravo! I loved it, especially the part about the grandfather clocks! :)
I have been on the bridge of a Galaxy-class starship, by the way, and I know for a fact that there is room
for *3* cartwheels in between the turbolift and the captain's chair. Of course, that would be 3 for a short
person like me. Maybe Marrissa's a tall girl.
Sorry for hiding for so long, but I just had to finally say something. Maybe someday I'll write some
fanfic... but not likely. I'd be the laughing-stock of the entire a.s.c with my name... but hey, I'm still
the authority on teenage girl-commanded starships. Sorry too, for this ridiculous-sounding message. I had
too much chocolate tonight.
Captain T'Mara
Commanding Officer, USS Adventure
http://adventure.home.ml.org/
You don't want to know my real name.