MSTied:FREE FILES! MOST CONTROVERSIAL IN THE WORLD!
sl...@cc.usu.edu
net.personality. He is a "Historical Revisionist," believing that the
Holocaust of the Jews during the Second World War is a hoax.
I must state that I detest Mr. Gannon's "Historical Revisionism" and that any
opinions of his here are definitely not shared by me.
This MSTing is intended to mock his ridiculous bigotry. (End of Disclaimer)
================================================================================
[Insert Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 Love Theme Here]
<SOL--Mike and Crow, dressed in swimming trunks, are lying on deck chairs>
MIKE: Hi, welcome to the Satellite o'Love. The season's over now and we're on
vacation.
CROW: Yep. Nothing like Spring Break, eh, Mike?
MIKE: You said it. Well, I'd better put my shirt on. I don't want to get
sunburned.
<Tom hovers in>
TOM: Hey, what are you guys doing?
MIKE: Just relaxing, man. It's *vacation* time.
TOM: Vacation? If we're on vacation, then why are Kenneth Branagh and Emma
Thompson calling?
<Deep 13>
DR.F: Vacation? Listen, Josh Weinstein, that's only on TV. Here on the Net,
the evil never stops. Tell them Frank.
FRANK: Thank you, your demonicness. Yes, today we will subject you to evil...
EVIL!
<SOL>
MIKE: Don't tell me Ratliff got hold of a sharp instrument and started writing
something again.
<Deep 13>
The Mads, gloating: No.....
<SOL>
MIKE: Did Abian write something weird? Or John_-_Winston?
<Deep 13>
The Mads: No.....
<SOL>
MIKE: Okay, just get it over with. Tell me what it is.
<Deep 13>
DR.F: Well, Macaroon, your torture du joure comes from a new source, the
net.loon Dan Gannon. He's even more evil than I am. Send the post, Frank.
<SOL>
ALL: We've got net.bigotry sign!!!!!!
*...6...5...4...3...2...1...
> Newsgroups: soc.culture.austria
> Subject: FREE FILES! MOST CONTROVERSIAL IN THE WORLD!
TOM: The real reason for Joel's departure!
> Message-ID: <940204013...@banished.com>
> From: dga...@banished.com
MIKE: You know, there's a reason why he's banished.
> Date: Fri, 04 Feb 94 01:35:25
> Distribution: world
CROW: It's a world of screaming, a world of HELL.
> Organization: Banished CPU - (503) 232-6566
> X-Mailer: TBBS/PIMP v2.41
CROW: He really prostituted himself in this post...
> Lines: 64
MIKE(singing): Will you still need it, will you still feed it, when it's 64?
>
>
>
TOM: Did this guy just lean on the "Enter" key for a while?
> ___________________________________________________________
> | |
> | -=> How to access Banished CPU's public FTP Mail Server: |
CROW: But to be banished, you must kill your father and marry your mother.
> | Send regular Internet E-Mail to "FTP...@BANISHED.COM". |
> | Include in your message the command "GET BANFTP-L.TXT". |
> |___________________________________________________________|
MIKE: Then send me your parent's brain.
>
>
> ____________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
CROW: So, it's basically some carriage returns and a line, huh?
TOM: Yeah, that's about it.
> THE TWIN "JEWISH HOLOCAUST" STORIES: TRUTH OR FICTION?
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOM: Today on "Geraldo."
>
> Though very few remember, there was supposedly a Jewish "Holocaust"
> during the FIRST World War, in addition to the Jewish "Holocaust" of the
> SECOND World War! Not only that, but the number of victims was claimed,
> both times, to have been SIX MILLION!!!
MIKE: Using exclamation marks for fun and profit!
TOM: And always CAPITALIZE to emphasize words because it PISSES people off.
> The "evil" Germans supposedly did
> it TWICE!
CROW: The "good" Germans did it three times, the "mediocre" ones didn't do it
at all.
> Actually, they never even did it ONCE.
TOM: And the earth isn't round, either! It's shaped like a giant burrito!
CROW: I didn't even know it was _possible_ to post from Idaho...
>
> The first alleged "Holocaust of Six Million Jews at the hands of the
> Germans" has been forgotten, but the second alleged "Holocaust of Six
> Million Jews at the hands of the Germans" is today a highly-promoted
> "Official Truth".
MIKE: Along with the theory that Diet Dr. Pepper does taste more like regular
Dr. Pepper.
>
>
> FORGOTTEN FACT
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CROW: But luckily, Pepperidge Fahm remembahs...
>
> In a major speech in October, 1919, in Albany, New York, Martin Glenn
> (a past governor of New York) reported at length to a rapt audience on "the
> extermination of 6 million Jews and the holocaust of European Jewry" during
> "the Great War" (i.e., World War I).
TOM: As opposed to the "Mediocre War" (Korea) and the "Weenie War" (Persian
Gulf)
>
> This now rarely-remembered claim was publicized in, among others, the
> October 31, 1919, issue of the _American Hebrew Magazine_, published by the
> American Jewish Committee.
CROW: Alert readers sent us this. I swear I'm not making this up.
>
>
> "THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBORS."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MIKE: And after that public service announcement from God, we return you to
your regularly scheduled evil propaganda.
>
> Because the FIRST "Holocaust of 6 Million Jews" is now nothing but a
> forgotten hoax, it is not so important to dig up and distribute facts with
> which to disprove it. That "Big Lie" has fallen of its own weight.
CROW: Just like Delta Burke.
>
> However, it is imperitive that we know the truth about the SECOND
> "Holocaust of 6 Million Jews", since it is such an important and extremely
> highly-promoted "Official Truth" in the world today.
TOM: Maybe next he's going to do some research into the laws of gravitation.
Maybe _those_ are hoaxes too.
>
> To gain access to a large number of these carefully-documented facts,
> simply follow the instructions found at the beginning of this message.
CROW: Then, sell your soul to Satan. Good day.
>
>
> -Dan Gannon
>
>
>
MIKE: Who loves to hit "Enter."
> "Freedom is the freedom to say that 2 + 2 = 4. Once that is granted, all
> else follows." --George Orwell, _1984_
CROW: And happiness is a warm gun!
>
>
...1...2...3...4...5...6...*
CROW: Ow. That hurt.
TOM: Yeah, Mike. I thought that the Nazis all got killed through the selfless
actions of the Dirty Dozen. What gives?
MIKE: Well, boys, there are various theories on why these Gannon posting appear
on the net from time to time. First, there's the possibility that Hitler might
be able to access the net from hell. It might be a glitch. Or it might just
be David Duke having fun. What do you think, sirs?
<Deep 13--Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank are wearing suits, sitting in easy
chairs across from each other>
Dr.F: You know, Frank, I'm so happy we founded the Society for the True History
of the Gizmonic institute. It's about time that we told the true story of our
fine organization.
Frank: That's right, Phil. I think we should tell the world about how Joel
Robinson stole our spacecraft and vandalized the various "special parts" in his
attempt to rule the world.
Dr.F: And then there's the terrible Mike Nelson, who terrorized us before
murdering Joel in his ruthless attempts at power. Well, we've got quite a lot
of work to do before we write the definitive history. Push the button, Frank.
<PHWOOSH!>
[Insert Closing Credits Here]
The characters portrayed in this MSTing are copyright 1994 by Best Brains, inc.
The use of them in this post are not meant to infringe on the rights of BBI,
Comedy Central, or HBO. This post is meant for purposes of amusement only.
Any discernable opinions are solely those of the author (The bigoted opinions
are Gannons. The rest are mine). Distribute only with this disclaimer as well
as the one at the top of the post.
tv's Dale
sl...@cc.usu.edu
>
> "THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBORS."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~