MiSTed: Zebeckras in Wonderland (1/3)

[Jen White6]

MiSTed: Zebeckras in Wonderland
"Original" story by n...@fast.net and slrm...@aol.com
MiSting by jenw...@aol.com and MsSc...@hotmail.com

[Setting: the Ghost Planet industries commissary. It is quieter and cleaner
than usual. Only a few tables - widely spaced apart - are occupied: Brak and
Tansit are at one, Lokar is reading a journal and sipping tea at another, and
Zorak and Moltar are drinking coffee at a third. Close in on Zorak and
Moltar.]
Zorak: [slurps coffee] I'm gonna go nuts. When's the new season begin,
anyway?
Moltar: [drinks his coffee through a straw] July.
Zorak: Rrrrrgh! There's nothing to do around here.
Moltar: I got my library of CHiPs tapes.
Zorak: No guests to terrorize and devour... Heyyy...
Moltar: What?
[Zorak looks offscreen in Brak, Tansit, and Lokar's general direction.]
Zorak: Why don't we have a little fun with them in The Green Room?
Moltar: You sure you want to? Lokar was catatonic for a week after last
time.
Zorak: Yeah! This time I can finish the job! C'mon, it'll be good for a
few laughs.
[Moltar finishes the rest of his coffee as Zorak snickers evilly.]
Moltar: Why not.
[They leave the commissary.]

[In Moltar's control room, Zorak is at the control console, pulling the lever
over and other, flipping past various web pages. He stops on one.]
Zorak: Here it is! Use the PA system to call 'em in.

[Back in the commissary. Brak, Tansit, and Lokar look up when they hear the
announcement:]
Moltar: ["NASA voice"] Report to the Green Room, Lokar, Tansit, Brak.
Repeat, report to the Green Room.
Brak: Huh!
Tansit: What do you suppose it's for?
Brak: I dunno.
[Brak and Tansit leave. Lokar does too, rather sourly, leaving his paper
behind.]

[Control Room]
Moltar: [reading the screen] "Zebeckras in Wonderland"?
Zorak: Yes!
Moltar: How good is it?
Zorak: Stinky. Reeeeeally stinky.
Moltar: Uhhh...
Zorak: And it's long, too!
Moltar: You know, if you end up killing them, Space Ghost'll blast you.
Zorak: Sometimes it's worth it! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

[Green Room]
Lokar: No doubt they have scripts for the upcoming year's drivel for us to
digest.
Brak: Scripts? We got scripts?
Lokar: Amazingly, yes. Nobody heeds them, though.
Tansit: Except that one time Space Ghost wrote the show. What a hoot!
I've never seen anything that bad in my life! Ha ha ha ha!
[Zorak appears in the monitor]
Zorak: Well, you're about to!
[All three turn and stare at the monitor. Lokar makes a dash for the door,
but the moment before he reaches it the locks click shut, sealing them
inside.]
Zorak: BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! I've got another treat for you three!
Lokar: [loftily] After the most recent serving of tripe, I sincerely doubt
you can find ANYTHING that will disturb my equanimity.
Zorak: How about a story five times as long?!
Brak: [nervously] It's not by...
Zorak: Wouldn't you like to know!
Brak: [frightened] Oh no...
Tansit: [to Brak] What's the matter? They're just stories.
Brak: You haven't seen the comics me, Zorak, and Space Ghost have been
reading.
Lokar: Oh, stop your sniveling, you acephalon.
Zorak: It's NOT by him-
Brak: Wshew!
Zorak: -but it's bad enough to be! Siddown, you're gonna be here for a
*long* time! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

[Control room]
[Zorak pulls the switch one more time. Words start to scroll down the
screen.]

> Coming soon to a fan fiction page near you in 1998...

Tansit: There go the property values.

> Geary: Hidy ho! This is Geary the frog! Come and watch our new movie with
> Splatter-wumpus playing Miss Piggy...

Brak: "Playing Miss Piggy". I saw that movie once.

> Splatter: WHAT?! I ain't playing no pig in some twisted fan fiction! You'll
> just have to find someone else!

Tansit: Like you got a choice?

> Geary: But Splat-
>
> Mystie: Oh Geeeaaarrryyy!!!

Brak: [singing, to the tune of "Oh Sherry"] Oh, Geary, our love goes on,
goes on!

> Geary: Yes Mystie, dear?

Brak: [singing] Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten in a tree-

> Mystie: I am here and ready for fame starring in my new leading role as the
> beautiful Miss Mystie!

Brak: [singing, to the tune of "I Feel Pretty"] I feel Mystie, oh so
Mystie-
Lokar: Will you SHUT UP!

> Geary: Oh lordy...
>
> Sassy: ME ANIMAL!! AGH! EEP!! PEPE!! PEPE!! AGH! GOGGLE! MOOOM!!

Tansit: [Elmyra] Ooo, lookit the cute little aminal head aminal!

> Mystie: Ahhhh!! Geary, Geary! Save me!

Tansit: [Mystie] get me out of this fanfic!
Lokar: No, I shan't. You created this squalor, you stew in it.

> Lavender: It's just Sassy...

Tansit: It sounded more crazy than sassy to me.

> Mystie: Shut up...
>
> Geary: Now Mystie, come here and I'll give you a hug.
>
> Mystie: Yea!

Lokar: Oh, the heights of passion. [stifles a yawn]

> (Lavender pulls out a white duck)
>
> Lavender: Don't worry, dear. I know you're really Darkwing, I'll save you!

All: Huh??

> The Muppetless Movie, coming soon.

Lokar: The MUPPETLESS movie? Shouldn't a movie title reflect what is IN
the movie, rather than what is not?!
Brak: Um, this is a fanfic, not a movie.
Lokar: Ah, well, that's different. I shan't hold a fanfic to the same
standards of logic and consistency that would apply to true ENTERTAINMENT.
Tansit: But movies have previews, fanfics don't.
Lokar: Silence yourself. The point is established.

> Soon to come from Schizo Studios in 1998....

Tansit: I bet this "studios" is a computer in someone's bedroom.

> Lavender: Sassy, I don't think we're in St. Canard anymore.
>
> Mystie: You squashed my sister with your house! You'll pay for killing
> Zebeckras like that!! I'll get you my pretty,

Brak: Ooo! I want a pretty too! Can I have one?

> and you're little skunk, too.

Brak: Hey, why you givin' her a pretty if she's a skunk?

> Geary: Oh, if I only had a brain, la dee dee dee dee dee dah...

Lokar: Oh, is Geary the author then?

> Lavender: I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Odd! He really
> is a wiz of a- Mmmm... Cheez-Whiz.

Brak: [singing] He's a cheese ball wizard...

> Mystie: I get to play with the flying monkeys!! Woo-hoo!! Flying monkeys!!

Brak: Are they gonna fly outta her ear?

> Geary: Oh lordy. Typical goofballettes.

Brak: I got invited to the Goof Ballet, but I didn't have a thing to
wear.

> The Wizard of Odd. Mmmm... iodine...

Tansit: Iodine of boredom already, and we haven't even gotten through the
previews.
Brak: [rimshot] Ba dum dum, bissh.

>
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Tansit: Shouldn't the spoiler space come BEFORE the spoilers?

> Now available on Mystie's Fan Fiction page,

Lokar: The URL of which I'm SURE you have memorized.

> a story of
>
> a young princess and her sad life story with 7 dweebs.

Lokar: Here we see yet another nasty habit of the typical fan fiction
writer.
Brak: Huh? What's that?
Lokar: They must write themselves into their stories.

> Splatter: Some day my sanity will come...

Brak: Sanity comes on the night of Christmas Eve. I put out cookies and
everything!

> Geary: Don't you mean your prince will come?
>
> Splatter: No.

Tansit: Do you mean "the-artist-formerly-known-as-Prince" will come?
Brak: Uh-uh, I think she's waiting at a fotomat.

> Geary: Don't worry Splatter-wumpus! You're prince is here to save you so we
> can live happily ever after!

Tansit: Now *that's* a short story.

> Mystie: But Geary! I thought you were mine.
>
> Geary: Um...
>
> Mystie: Fess up, fan boy.

Tansit: What're they talking about, anyway?
Brak: Danged if I know.

> Sassy: Beep! I am the evil carrot from the other side of my own bottle of
> glue. Please save the trees from over the left side of my pants.

All: Wha...?

> Splatter White, now available.

Lokar: Oh, GOODIE.

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Tansit: Aw, darn, MORE previews?!
Brak: I thought "spoiler space" was for newsgroups, not web pages.

> Zebeckras in Wonderland

Brak: I thought that was Alice.
Tansit: Alice doesn't live here any more.
Brak: That's too bad. You could get anything you want at her restaurant.

>
>
>
> Zebeckras in Wonderland,

Tansit: Ever get that creepy deja vu feeling?

> How do you get to Wonderland?

Tansit: Turn left at the North Star, then straight on 'til morning.

> Over your head and through a can,

Tansit: [Oscar the Grouch] Not through MY can, you don't!
Brak: Always use the little paper seat covers if it's a public can.

> Or just beyond reality.

Lokar: Reality: A concept which appears to be beyond the average fanfic
writer.

> When pots go rolling by,
>
> We all smoke and get real high,
>
> And our brains will all fry

Lokar: I pray that the authors are not sharing their writing secrets.

> Where normals cannot see,

Brak: 'Cause they didn't pay the electricity bill.

> Where can we be?

Tansit: You can be anywhere you think you can, my son.

> Where do socks go,
>
> When they fly away on brooms?

Brak: So THAT'S where all my socks go! They fly away on brooms! I
thought the dryer was eatin' 'em.

> They must go somewhere,
>
> And I'm gonna go real soon!

Tansit: You gotta go AGAIN? I thought you just came in through the can.

> Zebeckras in Wonderland,
>
> Where is the html of Wonderland?

Tansit: [King Arthur] Let's not go to Wonderland; it is a silly place.

> Over the thrills of Darkwing bare,
>
> His underwear.

Tansit: Darkwing doesn't wear underwear.
Lokar: [glares at Tansit] THANK you for informing us of that.

> Our story begins as our very own Zebeckras

Brak: I don't have a Zebeckras! Or a pretty either!

> was sitting around in her usual
> t-shirt and jeans attire. She was bored out of her mind

Lokar: I feel her pain.

> listening to her
> sister Kasumi who was trying to teach her a new lesson.

Tansit: Wait a minute - Kasumi's her sister? Aren't Kasumi's sisters Akane
and Nabiki? Who's Zebeckras?
Lokar: I will only say this ONCE. Do NOT attempt to make SENSE out of
this. Fan fiction is invariably dreck.
Brak: Heyyy, that's not fair!
Lokar: Can you prove otherwise?
Brak: Um ... not right now.

> Kasumi: So that was how they cured all disease, saved the Earth,
> accomplished world peace, and made billions of people happy, all before
> supper! And then the almighty Darkwing Duck Cult high priestesses said...

Lokar: Do I smell a smidgen of self-indulgent aggrandizement?
Tansit: [sniffs] Smells like dirty socks to me.
Brak: Don't look at me. Mine flew away on a broom!

> Zebeckras: *whispers* Oh please shoot me...

Brak: It's Zebeckras season! Shoot Zebeckras! Shoot her NOW!

> *bang*

Brak: Musta been a dud.

> Zebeckras: AGGGHHHHH!! I have been slain! Slain! Cut down in the prime
>
> of life! I am whoa! Whoa is whooaaa!!

Lokar: Perhaps we could rein in the histrionics, couldn't we?
Brak: When it reins, it pours.
Tansit: Year. It pours. Pour Zebeckras. Woe is she.
Lokar: You two auditioned to be in this story, didn't you?

> Kasumi: Oh, Zebeckras, you're fine.

Tansit: [Kasumi] You're so fine you blow my mind. Ze-beck-ras, Ze-beck-
ras!

> Zebeckras: I am? Oh, I am. I knew that...
>
> Kasumi: *sigh* Zebeckras, you need to pay more attention to your studies.
>
> Ranma: Meow!
>
> Zebeckras: Okay, now who's STUPID idea was it to make Ranma my cat?

Lokar: Please, WE are the ones heckling this story. We do not need any
assistance.

> Ranma: Meow... puurrrr...
>
> Zebeckras: What a stupid thing to do.

Lokar: AHEM, what did I JUST get finished saying?!

> Ranma jumps on Zebbie's lap and starts licking her face.

Brak: [uncomfortably] Um, this isn't gonna be one of those "eccky"
stories, is it?

> Ranma: MEOW!
>
> Zebeckras: ICK! Oh yuck! I wouldn't even let Dan... er, nevermind...
> Zebeckras pats Ranma on the head. He purs alot. Zebbie lays on the grass
> and starts daydreaming.

Tansit: While a guy bigger than her is squatting on her lap. Yeah, that
sounds comfy.

> Zebeckras: This world is so mundane. Now in my world, everything would be
> really weird and insane. My world would be really beefy.

Tansit: [thoughtfully] Beefy. I like that word. Beefy. Beefy!
Lokar: I wouldn't think you'd know the meaning of it.
Tansit: Hey! Just what is that supposed to mean?
Lokar: Oh, never mind. It'd take too long to explain.
Brak: Beefy, you know, like a big ol' chewy beef log. Mmmboy!

> P-chan comes out of nowhere carrying a map. He stops and unfair the map
>
> to look at it.

Brak: 'Unfair the map'? How d'ya do that?
Tansit: It's an unfair map! Look! The map is repressing me!

> P-chan: Oh my goodness! I'm lost! I'm lost!
>
> Zebeckras: P-chan! Oh P-chan!!

Tansit: [Azusa Shirotori] It's a cute wittle black piggy! What a cute
wittle black piggy! Charlotte!

> P-chan: No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm lost! I'm lost! I'm lost!
>
> P-chan looks at his map and glances around frantically. Quickly he spots a
> plot hole and jumps into it.

Lokar: [drily] A plot hole. What a surprise.

> Zebeckras: P-chan! Where are you going? P-CHHAAAANN!!
>
> Zebeckras looks down the plot hole and then falls in. Since Zeb never wears
> a dress, she has nothing to act as a sort of parachute. She just keeps
> falling and falling and falling... Finally she falls on her head in a lit
> fireplace.

Brak: Oh man. That hurts. I used to do that alla time.

> Zebeckras: AGH! OUCH! OW OW OW! HOT!

Brak: Stop, drop, an' roll!

> Quackerjack: Hahahaha!
>
> Zebeckras: Who's that (looks around)

Tansit: It just said up there, it's Quackerjack.

> Quackerjack: Hahahaha!!
>
> Zebeckras: A door? Why is that door laughing?!

Tansit: [Quackerjack] Who're you calling a door, you knob?
Brak: [Zebeckras] Takes one to know one!

> Quackerjack: Because! The old, light the fireplace at the end of the plot
> hole! Works everytime!

Tansit: I've never heard of 'the old, light the fireplace at the end of the
plot hole' trick, have you?
Brak: I thought it was 'the old, light over at the Frankenstein Place'
trick.

> Zebeckras: HEY! THAT wasn't FUNNY!! (kicks door)
>
> Quackerjack: OUCH! Hey!

Brak: She kicks the door, but it hurts Quackerjack? Huh?
Lokar: Quackerjack IS the door.
Tansit: Nah! Quackerjack's a duck!
Brak: Aw, c'mon! A duck's not a door! Is it, Lokar?
Lokar: I refuse to serve as an apologist for this pile of incoherence.

> Zebeckras: Anyway, have you seen a little lost black piglet?

Tansit: No, but take a look at this cute little lost bunny!

> Quackerjack: Actually, yes. He went through here.
>
> Zebeckras: OOH! Let me through!
>
> Quackerjack: You're too big!

Brak: This is makin' me uncomfortable, guys.
Lokar: Remind yourself that she is talking to a door. Then it will make
more sense. [pause, then speaks in an aside] I cannot believe I just said
that.

> Zebeckras: HEY!!
>
> Quackerjack: I'm only a foot tall!
>
> Zebeckras: Oh, right.

Brak: [Zebeckras] I didn't notice that before! Dopey me!

> Quackerjack: Why don't you try eating the chocolate winky-doodles on the
> table?
>
> Zebeckras: Oh. Okay! (takes a bite)

Tansit: [Zebeckras] Sure, I always eat whatever strangers leave lying
around!

> Zebeckras shrinks down, down down.

Brak: Ahhh!! It's the incredible shrinking woman!

> Zebeckras: Okay, now let me through.

Tansit: First, you must bring me ... a shrubbery!

> Quackerjack: Can't. I'm locked.
>
> Zebeckras: WHAT?!!
>
> Quackerjack: Did I forget to mention that?
>
> Zebeckras takes out a huge mallet and breaks down the door.
>
> Zebeckras: Much better.

Brak: Oh, MAN! She's violent, isn't she?
Tansit: I wonder if she's part Klingon?
Lokar: More likely, she is one of Black Widow's friends.
[all three shudder]

> Suddenly, a huge wave swept her into the ocean.

Lokar: Through another plot hole, no doubt.

> Zebeckras: What the?

Brak: You took the words right outta my mouth, buddy.

> Zebeckras spots an empty bottle of coo-coo cola floating and climb into it.
> She peers her head out and looks around.

Lokar: Unfortunately, in so doing she turns the bottle's rim below the
waterline, causing it to take on water and sink. The end.

> Fenton: Ooohhh, a sailor's life is the life for me. Deedle de dum dum
> dum...

Brak: Don't Deedle Dee and Deedle Dum come in later in the story?
Tansit: Meet the Deedles!

> Zebeckras: What a horrible song! I'm stuck in a bottle in the middle of an
> ocean with some idiot singing flat!! AGH!

Lokar: [Zebeckras] Cast adrift in a sea of rambling nonsense, utterly
bereft of any exposition that might inform me of WHAT IN THE BLOODY WORLD I AM
DOING HERE!

> The bottle floats and floats with the ocean. The waves become very calm.
> Soon the bottle washes up on the shore and Zebeckras crawls out.
>
> Zebeckras: WOO-HOO!! Awesome ride!

Tansit: Huh, two paragraphs ago she was *complaining* about it!

> Fenton: Oh, backward, forward, inward, outward, bottom to the top. Run
>
> and run and run some more and never ever stop!

Lokar: What, is it election year again?

> Zebeckras: What the heck?
>
> Fenton: You there! Run! Run! And keep running! You have to run in a
>
> dorkus game, you know!
>
> Zebeckras: But I HATE running!!

Brak: She's a bottle potato.

> Fenton and a bunch of animals all run around in a circle and run and run
> and just when you think they should stop, they run some more! Running
> stupid animals, that's what they are!

Brak: I don't have anything to add to that.

> Zebeckras: I'm getting out of here!!

Lokar: No, you shall not! If we have to endure this, you do as well!

> Zebeckras dissapears into the woods. She quickly walks away from the spot,
> which she had washed up upon. She accidently trips over a stick, to keep
> her self from falling grabs onto Geary's butt. Zebeckras shrieks in terror
> and hits Geary really hard.

Tansit: Huh? Where'd Geary come from?
Brak: And why'd she hit him? She grabbed onto HIM.
Tansit: He musta had a really scary butt.
Brak & Tansit: [shuddering squeamishly] Ewwww.

> Geary: OUCH!
>
> Chris: OUCH!

Tansit: HUH? When did Chris come in? And WHO is Chris?
Brak: I don't wanna know if she grabbed his butt.

> Zebeckras: What strange persons...

Brak: Lookit YOU talkin'! You're the one grabbin' strangers' butts!

> Zebeckras stares at the two strange characters before her. She notices the
>
> name tags pinned to their clothes and reads them aloud
>
> Zebeckras: Hmmmm... Tweedle Dumb, and Tweedle Dumber?!

Tansit: Aw, this is too easy.

> Chris: That is excatickaly correct.
>
> Geary: Yes, exactickaly.

Brak: [Popeye] Well, blow me down! Want some spinach? Uck-uck-uck-uck,
arf arf arf!

> Zebeckras: Well, pleased let me through. I must get by!
>
> Chris: But you haven't introduced yourself yet.
>
> Geary: So we haven't even really met.

Tansit: Where *I* come from, grabbing someone's butt is a pretty good
introduction.
[Brak and Lokar look at Tansit strangely]
Tansit: What? I'm joking!

> Zebeckras: Well my name is Zebeckras, and I'm looking for the black
>
> piglet.
>
> Geary: Don't go, we still have to torture you.

Lokar: [muttering] And us, as well.

> Zebeckras: But I really do need to go...

Brak: Well, WHY didn't you use the can back at the beginning?!

> Chris: If you stay long enough, we can play full contact golf!
>
> Geary: Or strip solitare!

Tansit: Strip solitaire? Now that's just *sad*.

> Chirs: And if you stay long enough, we could play in the Jell-o pool!
>
> Zebeckras: I really have to leave.
>
> Geary: Why?

Lokar: After the preceding invitations, one needs any explanation?

> Zebeckras: Because I'm following the black piglet.
>
> Chris: Why?

Brak: [Zebeckras] I like pork!

> Zebeckras: Because I'm curious.
>
> Geary: Ohhh, the sisters were curious, too.
>
> Chris: Poor, poor sisters.
>
> Zebeckras: What about sisters?

Brak: Curiosity killed the sisters.

> Geary: Oh you wouldn't be interested
>
> Chris: You're in much too much of a hurry.

Tansit: Sounds like good advice.

> Zebeckras: Oh, but I'm not! Tell me!

All: NOOOOO!

> Geary: Okay! The villain and the do-gooder!
>
> Chris: Or, the story of the Curious Sisters!

Brak: I think this was one of the bits they cut out of "1001 Arabian
Nights".

> Geary: The sun was shining in Agraba, shining with all it's might.

Brak: Agraba used to be Agrabah, but then Aladdin and Jasmine left.
Tansit: Huh? Did they change the name of the place when they left?
Brak: Yup. 'Cause they got the H out of there! Ah ha ha ha! Wshew!

> Chris: It did it's very best to make the sand all hot and white.
>
> Geary: And this is just because it was...
>
> Geary&Chris: The middle of the night!

Tansit: Y'know, I'm getting that creepy deja vu feeling again.

> Chris: The villain and do-gooder were walking hand in hand.

Tansit [disdainfully] Awfully chummy for enemies, aren't they.

> The desert was
> wide from side to side, but much to full of sand. "Mozenrath," said the
> do-gooder, "my brain begins to perk. We'll sweep this clear in half a year,
> if you don't mind the work."

Brak: Huh. All this was double spaced a minute ago. Now the poems ain't
even printed poem-like.

> "The time has come," Mozenrath said, "to talk of other things. Of gloves
> and eels and harem girls, and what adventure will bring. And why Karnage is
> just so hot, and whether Iago has wings! Baloo, Balay no work today, let's
> see what adventure brings!"

Tansit: Baloo, balay, I'm on a.f.d.a.!

> Geary: But then Aladdin spotted something moving in the sea. To their
>
> surprise it was two oysters free.

Tansit: Two oysters free when you purchase a six-pack of Diddly Squat! And
we'll even throw in this Shiny Object! Now how much would you pay?
Brak: Throw in a canister of Spaghetti-Os and you got yourself a deal,
buddy!

> "Why Entropy and Enthalpy!" Mozenrath squealed with glee. "Now sisters,
>
> come and walk with me, the day is clear and bright. A pleasant walk, a
>
> pleasant talk, would be a sheer delight."

Lokar: Why do I suspect that the script for a certain Disney film is
available somewhere in the World Wide Web?

> Aladdin: "And should we get hungry on the way, we'll stop and have a bite!"

Brak: [ominously] Nuh-nuh-nuh-NUUHHHH!

> And Auntie Mirage winked her eye and said, "Go right ahead!"

Brak: Um ... who's Auntie Mirage?
Lokar: By now you should know not to ask questions like that.

> she knew this
> was an annoying time to leave the oyster bed.

Brak: But ... what's so annoying about leaving an oyster bed? I don't
get it!
Lokar: [exasperated] You are not SUPPOSED to! If the authors cared one
whit about the readers, they would have bothered with something known as
EXPOSITION.

> "The land is nice, take my
> advice, and go over there," she said.
>
> "Yes, yes! The time has come," the villain said, "to talk of many things.
> Of gloves and eels and harem girls, and what adventure brings! And why the
> sea is just so hot,

Lokar: Ahem. Someone forgot to change "the sea" to "Karnage".

> and whether Iago has wings! Baloo balay, come run away,
> see what adventure brings!"

Tansit: This deja vu thing is starting to get to me, guys.
Lokar: This is the *first* thing about this story to bother you?

> And so Mozenrath let them out, to play and laugh and sing. But then into
> the shadow Chateau, he evilly would bring, the unsuspecting oyster girls to
> dine with them that eve.

Tansit: [Mozenrath] Now let's see ... I'll set three paces for Eve...

> Mozenrath: Well now, let me see. Ah, a loaf of bread is what we really
> need.

Brak: And a container of milk, and a stick of butter. [mumbling to
himself] A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter...

> Aladdin: Well how about, some pepper, salt and Jet-Dri, eh?

Brak: Why, is the plane wet?

> Mozenrath: Ah, yes, splendid. Very good, indeed. And now, Chaos dears, we
> can begin the feed.
>
> Chaos Oysters: Feed?!

Brak: Wasn't the Chaos Oysters what Sonic the Hedgehog was trying to get
all through that video game?

> Mozenrath: The time has come my little friends, to talk of food and things!

All: NOOO! NOT AGAIN!

> -Meanwhile, in the kitchen-

All: Whew.

> Aladdin: Some pepper corn, mustard seed, and other seasonings. We'll mix
> them all together in a sauce that's fit for kings!

Brak: Nuh-uh, that's not how you cook seafood! It goes like this:
[singing] Les poissons, les poissons, how I love-

> Baloo balay we'll eat
> today, that's what adventure brings!! *whistles*

Lokar: STOP REPEATING THAT INFERNAL POEM!

> Mozenrath: I weep for you... I... *hic* oh, excuse me, I sympathize, for
> I've enjoyed your company all too much.

Brak: Huh? Did we skip something?

> Aladdin: Little Chaos? Chaos Oysters?
>
> Geary: But sadly there came none.
>
> Chris: And the reason for that was...
>
> Geary&Chris: They'd been eaten, everyone.

Tansit: Hey! Whatta gyp! They didn't get eaten! Aladdin didn't even cook
'em yet!
Brak: Maybe they were oyster sushi. Sister sushi. Or something.

> Chris: Mozenrath smiled nervously, and said, "the time has come!" And out
> the door and down the beach he ran away from, Aladdin chasing angrily for.

Lokar: This is the Grammar Police. Do you have any notion of the proper
use of prepositions?

> Geary&Chris: That's what adventure brrrinnngggsss!!! The End.
>
> Zebeckras: That was a very pathetic story.
>
> Chris: Yes, and there's no point to it.

Lokar: Haven't I said twice before that we are quite capable of handling
the heckling ourselves?

> Zebeckras: Yes, no point at all. Well, now I really must be going...
>
> Geary: No! Another story!! This one is called Splatter White and-
>
> Zebeckras: No more!!! PLEASE!! No more!!

Brak: What she said!

> Zebbie runs into the forest covering her ears and screaming her head off.

Tansit: If she didn't, I was gonna.

> She slows down and walks on a path wondering where it leads to. Eventually,
> she comes to the end of a forest and sees a light. She looks around and
> spots a cozy little cottage not too far away. She walks to the cottage gate
> and ponders to herself.

Tansit: [chanting] Ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder, ponder-
Brak: Streak! Streak!

> Zebeckras: I wonder who lives here...
>
> P-chan: Akane! Oh Akane! Where is that girl... Akane!

Tansit: Wait a minute! Akane is Kasumi's sister! So that makes Zebeckras
Nabiki! Maybe we can PAY her to stop the story!
Brak: [rummaging through his pockets] I got fifty-two cents and a bus
token!
Lokar: [muttering to himself] If I had pockets, I'd be searching them as
well. Desperation is truly a powerful motivator.

> Zebeckras: Excuse me, I-
>
> P-chan: Why Akane! Where have you been! Go and get my umbrella! Go go go!
> I'm lost! Get my umbrella!

Brak: Yeah, an umbrella's what I always need when *I* get lost.

> Zebeckras: But I'm not Aka-
>
> P-chan: GOOO!! Get my umbrella!!

Tansit: But P-chan sleeps with Akane! -
Brak: EWWWWWW!
Tansit: No, he's her pet! But now he can't tell Akane from Nabiki?
Lokar: All anime women DO look alike.
Tansit: [indignantly] They do not!
Lokar: Otaku.

> Zebeckras: Yikes, I suppose I'll be taking orders from Ranma next.

Brak: [Ranma] Yo, Zebeckras! I want two tacos, an order of nachos, and
some cinnamon twists to go.

so sez Jen "Call me MiSTer!" White.