Mistied! Star Trek: The Beavis and Butthead Experience
Chris
Here's my first attempt at a misting so please be gentle.=) =)
[SOL]
[Mike and Tom are having a riviting game of stratego while Crow watches TV]
Mike:Oh hi everybody. Welcome to the satellite of love. Me and the boys are
enjoying a well earned break.[Looks at board and moves a piece] STRATEGO!
Tom:[Dressed like a field marshall]Ah, the triple whammy attack eh? [Moves a
piece] STRATEGO!
Mike:Trying to catch me in a pincer movement huh? Well, we'll see about that.
[moves a piece] STRATEGO!
Crow:[stares blankly into the TV]......
Mike:[notices Crow] He buddy, what're you watching?
Crow:[still unmoving]......
Tom:[Looks at Crow's lack of motion] Crow?
Mike:C'mon Crow speak to me! [Moves Crow so he isn't looking at the TV]
Crow:[snaps back to life] What who where!? AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Mike:Crow, buddy. What's wrong?
Crow:My god, it was horrible!
Mike:What? Was there a gruesome accident on the news?
Crow:No. It was the latest episode of MTV's The Real World.
Tom:You watch that?!
Crow:No! Of course not! I was just curious to see what the hype is all about.
Mike:And?
Crow:Some things should not be shown on television.
Mike:[Mads light flashes] Oh, Tabitha Soren is calling.
[D-13]
[Dr. F is in his normal place. He is laughing.]
Dr.F:Ah, Nelson. Fell into the abyss of pop television I see. Anyway, I have
found something that I'm sure you'll appreciate Mister T Robot. It involves
two of the more popular MTV personalities. I'll let you stew as to who until
the last minute. I won't even tell you the title. Enjoy, labrats!
[SOL]
[Lights go wild]
All: AHHHHH!! MYSTERY POST SIGN!!!!!!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
>From: davep...@washcoll.edu (Rothwang)
>Subj: STAR TREK: THE BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD EXPERIENCE: VOL 1.
Mike: Oh no! My worst nightmare!
Crow:Get me outta here!!!!
Tom:[Philosophical]Into the breech dear friends. It was a pleasure working
with you both.[Panics] BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD NOOOOOO!!!!!!
>Date: Thu, 12 Oct 1995 18:43:02 +0500
>
>This is an idea I came up with while taking a study break and may turn into
>a series.
Crow:Dear god I hope not.
> Apologies to paramount and Mike
Mike:Well, at least he apologized.
> "The King"
Tom:Elvis?
> Judge. Here goes....
Bots:What about apologizing to us???
>STAR TREK: THE BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD EXPERIENCE: VOLUME 1, TOS.
Mike:TOS? Yeah I'll probably toss alright.
Crow:Alright Mike!
Mike:Can't let you have all the fun.
>(Opening shot,
Crow:We already made the opening shot. Keep up slow poke!
> a few bars of the courage theme
Tom:[singing]Sometimes you feel like a theme...sometimes you don't...
Crow:I'm gonna *need* some courage.
Mike:Why is the couardly lion's theme in this?
> (Best ST theme ever IMHO)
>and shot of Big E whizzin
All:EWWWWWWW!!
> by.)
All: Oh.
>Sulu "We have something on screen sir. Some kind of sleeper ship."
All:[snoring]
>Kirk "Oh no,
Mike:[Kirk] I...left...the iron on!
> Sulu, not again. Mr. Scotty,
Tom:Mr Scotty??
Crow:It's a whimsical mix of Mr. Scott and Scotty.
Tom:Oh...Huh?
> stand by the transporters."
Mike:[Kirk] And not under them like you did last time!
>Scott "Aye Sir"
>Kirk "Spock, Bones, you are with me. You too boys (Points at 2 redshirts).
Mike:[Kirk] Red is definitely your color.
Crow:Ah, sheep for the slaughter.
>Redshirts "This sucks.."
Crow:We agree whole-heartedly.
>Spock "Shut up Fartknockers"
Mike:What?
Crow:By the pricking of my thumbs something stupid this way comes...
Tom:You're *just* figuring this out Crow?
>(They head in to the transporter room and beam over. They walk over to four
>frosted
Mike:Mugs. It's the A&W rootbeer factory!!!
Bots:Hey, alright! Wooooo! Rootbeer floats all around!
> chambers. The first contains principal McVickers, the second
Crow:A creamy nugat center!
> Mr.
Crow:B. Natural. NO!
>Earth teacher, and then (You guessed it) B & B.)
Mike:I was hoping I guessed wrong.
Tom:I guessed Amelia Earhardt actually.
Crow:Voyager already did it.
Tom:How would *you* know?
Crow:Ummm...nevermind.
>Bones "It seems some kind of late twentieth century stasis chamber."
Crow:C'mon Bones! Just say "They're dead Jim" so we can all go home.
>Redshirt #1 "Are the alive?" (He turns to other redshirt I got a line and
>you don't, nyah nyah."
Tom:And you're happy about it?
>Redshirt #2 "Shut up, butt munch"
Tom:And here I thought there wasn't going to be any *wit* in this fanfic.
>Bones "There is only one way to find out"
Mike:[Bones]Tickle tickle tickle!!!
> (He presses a big red styrofoam
>push button. Sound effect + smoke
Crow:equals DRAMA!
> "Fffffffsshhhhh....")
Mike:Fish!?
>Butthead (stepping out) Huh huh.. I cut the cheese....
Tom:Oh, that's *much* wittier!
>Mr Earth teacher "Wow, where are we?"
Tom:[Mr Earth Teacher]My god! We're trapped in a stupid fanfic!!!!
>Kirk "Welcome to the 23rd century. I am Captain James T. Kirk,
Mike:[Kirk]...your host. Welcome to fantasy...9...1...1.
> of the USS
>Enterprise, a starship of the United Federation of Planets."
>Butthead "Does that include.. Uranus? huhuhhuh"
Crow:I could say something here but even I would feel unclean.
>Kirk looks at Butthead funny
Tom:Who dosen't?
>Earth Teacher "This is Butthead.. and this is Mr. McVickers.
>McVickers "Uhhhh...hhhhhh...... where are we? Uhhhhh???"
Mike:[Kirk]What, you got ice in your ears? I just told you you bonehead!!!
>Kirk I'll explain shortly, but first I suggest we go aboard my ship..
>Earth teacher "Butthead, where's Beavis?"
Tom:[Philosophical]Does anyone *really* know *where* Beavis is?
Mike:Think about it won't you?
>Butthead "In there" (Beavis is shown turning blue in jammed room)
>Bones "We've got to get him out of there Jim!"
Mike:Why?
>Redshirts "Stand back Sir!" (They pull phasers and blast the doorhinge off.
>Beavis "Whoaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ahhh!!!!!!!"
>Butthead "Whoah. That was cool..."
Crow:Mike, I feel myself slipping into a catatonic state again.
Mike:...
Crow:Mike?
Tom:Oh no. Crow, we've lost Mike!!
Mike:Gotcha!
Bots:Mike, why you!
All:[Laugh]
All:[Sigh sadly]
Mike:We're still here.
Tom:Yupper.
Crow:Damn.
>Earth Teacher "That was cool. I hope we see more advances in this century,
Crow:I just want to see the advance to the end of this story.
Mike & Tom:Ditto!
>of peace and prosperity as well as things of destruction.. of good will
>among mankind, of...
>Kirk (Cutting the guy off) "Well yes we can discuss that aboard my ship, If
>you will gentlemen..."
All:HUH?
>The Redshirts try to help Beavis along..
>Beavis "Hands off fartknockers! yeh hehehe.." (He follows by Butthead)
Mike:Time for a break. C'mon.
[Mike Grabs Tom and they exit the theatre.]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[Crow and Tom are at the counter.]
Tom:I thought we lost Mike there for a minute.
Crow:Yeah, me too.
[Mike appears from the right. He's carrying a large envelope. He's smiling.]
Crow:Hey Mike, whatcha got there?
Mike:It's my autographed picture of MTV's Kennedy. Neat huh?
Crow:AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Tom:Say it ain't so Mike.
Mike:Just Kidding. It's last weeks letter.
Bots:That's it!
[The bots tackle Mike and they dissapear behind the counter. Fight sounds are
heard.]
[Lights flash]
All:ACKKK!! POST SIGNNNNN!!!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
>
>Part 2 Aboard the Enterprise....
>
Tom:[Announcer]Next week on Star Trek...
>Bones (Examining McVickers) "Sir your blood pressure is way above normal..
>your caffiene and nicotine levels are off the scale. I've been able to
>stabilize it but treatment will require more advanced facilities than these
>at the nearest starbase"
>McVickers "That's why I set up this project.. (Points to Earther Teacher)
>He wanted to see the future, then those two stowed away.. uhhhhnn.."
>Bones "Take it easy.. you don't need stress in your condition."
>Bones (To Chapel) What barbaric problems of his times could have caused
>such a condition?
Tom:Oh, I don't know. Reading this fanfic mabye?!
>
>In the Captain's quarters, dinner is on. Conversation is heard: "Uh..
>huhuhuh... yeah hehehehehe"
>Earth Teacher "Thank you for showing you this wonderful ship. It is
>everything I hoped for the future of mankind"
>Kirk "Well, we try our best"
>Beavis (In psycho/Cornholio mode) "I liked those.. like... photon torpedo
>thingies you told me about, cause like if some Romulan or Klingon dillweeds
>try to be like.. pissing ya off, you can fire those torpedoes up their
>buttholes and like just go and blow the hell out of them.. yeah heheheh
>that would RULE! Yeah,, that'd be cool hehe he yeh"
>Butthead "That would be cool"
>Kirk "Yes, actually that would be pretty cool.."
Mike:Is anyone else suprised that Kirk is getting along with these two?
Bots:Nope.
>-Bones Comes in-
>Kirk "Bones, how is our patient?"
>Butthead "Huh huh.. he said Bones.."
>Beavis "Yeah.. hehehe Bones hehehe... Boiiiiing.."
Crow:Who *didn't* know this comment was coming??
Mike & Tom:Not me.
>Spock raises an eyebrow "Fascinating."
Crow:[Spock]A planet where morons evolved from man?
>Bones "Fascinating is right, I'm surprised that Mr. McVickers is still
>alive, his stress should be treates as soon as possible at the nearest
>starbase."
>Kirk "Well we'll get right on it Bones..."
>Beavis and Butthead "huhuhuh hehehe yeah bones huhuhuhuh.."
>Kirk looks at B & B, and they shut up.
Crow:MTV ought to hire *him*.
> "As soon as possible."
>Spock "May I remind you Captain, we have a mission to complete. We have to
>keep up Romulan Neutral Zone patrol for the rest of the week."
>Kirk "I was aware of that Mr. Spock.. that's what I meant by (Dramatic
>pause) the earlient possible convenience."
Mike:When *isn't* he making a dramatic pause?
Crow:It's supposed to be *dramatic*!?
>Bones "Understood Jim"
>Uhura walks in
Mike:Oh no.
Bots:Poor Uhura.
>B & B "Whoah yeh hhehehe uh.. huhuhuh"
>
>
>
>+To Be Continued+
Bots:Mike, tell us this is another of your jokes.
Mike:Sorry, not this time.
[the three exit the theatre]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[no one is on the bridge. Suddenly Tom's voice is heard.]
Tom:[Announcer]This is the story of one person and four bots chosen to live in
a satellite orbiting the Earth to show what happens when things stop being
friendly and start getting real.
[Loud music is heard in the background.]
Mike:[Appears]Will you turn that racket down!!
Crow:[Comes from the opposite direction]This is my satellite too y'know! You
think just cause you're the human you can boss us bots around! Racist!
Tom:[Appears behind Mike] Hey, don't involve me in your crusades Crow!
Crow:Oh yeah, I forgot Mr. Tom "Go with the flow" Servo. You don't stand up for
anybody including yourself.
[The view switches from the bridge to Gypsy alone somewhere]
Gypsy:This is when things really got bad. I think Crow's just got a chip on
his shoulder that's too big for him.
[The view switches back to the bridge.]
Crow:That does it!!
[Crow attacks Mike. Tom tries to escape but is pulled into the fray. Chaos
ensues. The view then changes to Crow alone with several bandages wrapped
around him.]
Crow:Mike's just a racist and won't admit it. Like all humans.
[More of the fight is shown. View switches to Tom who also has bandages on.]
Tom:Mike is always provocing Crow and I always get stuck in the middle.
[View switches to more of the fight, with emphasis on Tom's pummeling by both
of the others, then to Mike alone with his own bandages.]
Mike:All I wanted Crow to do was turn down the stereo. Is that too much to
ask?
[View switches to Tom without bandages.]
Tom:[Announcer]Next week on the real world...
[Alarms sound]
Tom:[Announcer]Post sign...AHHHHHHH POST SIGN!!!!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
Mike:I can't believe we did that?
Crow:I do feel a definite drop in my IQ level. You ok Servo?
Tom:I feel unclean somehow. Let's not do that again huh?
Mike & Crow:Agreed.
> From: davep...@washcoll.edu (Rothwang)
>Subj: STAR TREK THE BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD EXPERIENCE VOL. 1 PART 2.
>Date: Thu, 12 Oct 1995 19:17:22 +0500
>
>Uhura "Sir, Checkov sent me to get you, It's important"
Mike:Your new hairpiece has arrived.
>Kirk "OK, I'll try and be back shortly.. stay here where it is safe, OK?"
>Earth Teacher "Sure Captain... "
>(Big E crew leaves)
>Earth Teacher "I'll go see if I can find a guitar." (He Leaves. B & B Are
>left standing there...)
>Dead silence
Crow:Is it over?
Mike:Nope, look down there.
>More dead silence
Crow:DOH!!
>Beavis Picks his nose.
Tom:I didn't need to see that!
>Butthead "This sucks,
Tom:Can't argue with you there.
> there's nothing to do... Beavis. Beavis?"
>Beavis Is sucking down Romulan Ale. Empty bottles surround him.
>Beavis "Ahhhhhh!!!! aaaaa! aaa! Aaaahhhh! I AM CORNHOLIO!"
Crow:Mike, shoot me now.
> (Pulls T-Shirt
>over head)
>Butthead "Yes.. this is gonna be cool..."
Mike:No...no it isn't.
>Beavis walks open to door, and rips it open Khan style. A guard tries tro
>stop him, but Beavis kicks him in the nads, leaving him on the floor
>gasping. "Are you threatening me? Death to those who oppose the great
>cornholio!" He walks out holding his hands in the air and speaking
>jibberish. Butthead follows "Uh...Huhuh huhuhhuh.."
>On the Bridge
>Kirk "Mr. Scott, More Power to shields!"
>Scott "Aye I'm givin her all she's got but she's about to fall apart on us
>sir"
>(A Romulan Bird of prey is on the screen)
>Kirk: "Damnit, Scotty! What a place for our Dilithium crystals to break
>down!"
Mike:Oh sure! Blame the poor dilithium crystals! They work their butts off for
you and this is the thanks they get?
Tom:Mike, honey, calm down.
Mike:Oh, sorry. I'd just like to see something else fail for a change.
Crow:Like the holodeck?
Tom:Or the transporter?
Mike:Good points. Damn dilithium crystals!
Tom:Insert Foldgers joke here.
>Spock "Typical human behavior. I would have checked the warranty."
Mike:Was that supposed to be a joke?
Crow:Even for Spock that was lame.
>Kirk "I didn't ask you, Mr. Spock!"
>Spock "You never ask me, except when ya need someone to save your sorry
>ass."
Mike:[Kirk]Sounds like pon-farr time for you mister!
Tom:Has it been seven years already?
Crow:[Spock]Bring on the girls!
Mike:Crow!
Crow:You started it!
>Kirk "Shut up Mr. Spock!"
>Checkov "Sirs! Look at that."
Crow:[Checkov]It's this week's special effect shot.
>(A Romulan appears on screen. "Federation Starship.. why have you invaded
>our territory?")
>Kirk "Spock, what are we gonna do? Howw are we gonna do it?"
>Spock "Sure, now you ask me. Butthole."
>Bones "Shut up you alien fartknocker!"
Mike:This is truely sad. Even for a Star Trek fanfic.
Crow:Why is it that when someone tries to write a parody fanfic it's never
funny?
Mike:The world may never know.
>Sulu "Sir, they are powering up disruptors and plasma torpedoes.
>Uhura "Captain? What are we going to tell them?"
>Romulan (Looking at Bones) What did you call me?
>Kirk "He meant the other alien fartknocker.."
Tom:Guys, I hate to worry you but I think my head is gonna explode again.
Mike:Mine too.
Crow:EEEEWWWWWWW!!
>Romulan Captain "You have Five of your seconds top leave the Neutral Zone
>before we open fire.. Five.."
>Kirk "We can explain.. we come in peace.. we mean you no..
>Rom. "four.."
>Kirk "Harm.."
>Bones "Oh Damnit."
>Rom "Three"
>-All of a sudden voices are heard approaching. Beavis powers his way onto
>the bridge, crotch-kicking the two redshirts from the first scene.
>Beavis "Take that! (Sticks tongue out and makes obscene noise) And to you!
>(Does it to someone else) I am Cornholio! I will speak to you now!"
>Butthead comes in "Huhuhuhuh Cool.."
Tom:I don't feel so well guys. <BOOM!>[Servo's head explodes]
Mike:We've lost Tom!
Crow:Stay frosty Mike. They're everywhere!
>Kirk "Damnit, get off the bridge of my ship damnit! I'm the captain here
>mister!"
>Beavis "Are you threatening me? My Bunghole brings DEATH!
Mike:I didn't need to see that.
Crow:I think I'm gonna vomit.
> I am Cornholio, I
>need TP for my bunghole, I have no bunghole!"
>Romulan Captain "What is going on over there? Who is that person?"
>Butthead "He said he's Cornholio, you dumb ass.."
>Sulu "Yeah, fartknocker."
Mike:Heh heh! That's our Sulu!
>Beavis (Walking up to screen) "I am Cornholio. I will speak to you now, I
>have no bunghole!"
>Romulan Captain "What are you talking about?
>Butthead "What a Choad Warrior.. huhuhuh..."
>Romulan Captain "You have one second to make your decision..."
Mike:And remember to phrase your decision in the form of a question.
>Beavis "I have a decision. It is to kick your ass you butthole! Yeah!!!"
>Kirk "Wait, as you can see... we've had a problem over here.."
>Butthead (Looking at Screen) "Yeah.. it's called you, you assmunch."
>Spock Spocks Butthead.
Crow:How do you *spock* something?
Mike:I really don't want to know
>Butthead "Uhhuhhhnn.." (Klunk)
>Kirk "As you can see we reWell"
Mike & Crow:HUH?
>Earther Teacher comes in "What they are tryiong to say is that it is all a
>misunderstanding.. we seek understanding of other cultures, we are
>compassionate and conciliatory people.. name your terms for negotioation
>and I'm sure we (Kirk belts him) WHACK!!!! Aaaahh! (Falls unconscious)
Mike & Crow:YAAAAAYY!!
Crow:Now knock everybody else out so we can go.
>Kirk "This ain't the next genaeration mister!!!
Crow:Another attempt at humor. When will it end?
Mike:Hang on Crow! Don't bail on me buddy!
> Look, Captain...."
>Romulan Captain "Pe'Trall"
Crow:Captain Pee Trail?
Mike:CROW!
Crow:I'm trying to survive here Nelson!
Mike:I'll let it go...this time.
>Kirk "Captain Pe'Trall... we have had slight delusion on the part of one of
>our seniuor staffers here, our Science officer as a matter of fact. (Points
>to Beavis: Spock raises an eyebrow.) We were trying to take him to starbase
>for treartment but he.. got a bit confused and steered us out here. Now if
>you shoot at us and we shoot back, we will have a war on.. do you really
>want that?"
>On Rom ship, Captain looks to first officer. "Look at that guy. There's no
>way they are making that up"
Crow:I have made a decision regarding the aliens on Star Trek.
Mike:What?
Crow:They are all stupid.
>Captain "Very well Kirk. Just get the heck out of here.."
>Kirk "we may need an hour for repairs according to my engi..."
>Scotty "All ready to go captain!"
>Kirk ".. neer.. yes, well.. let's go, gentlemen."
>Sulu "Course to starbase 17 laid in and ready to go, warp 8.
Crow:He said laid he he he heh heheheheheheh
Mike:Oh no! Crow!
Crow:Psycke!!!
Mike:Phew! Thank god.
>Kirk. "Engage. Where is..?" (Beavis is gone)
>You see Beavis wandering the halls of the ship, as the Great Cornholio. He
>is following Nurse Chapel. The end. (Roll Credits/play cool music)
>
>END OF THE B & B STAR TREK EXPERIENCE
Mike & Crow:YAAAAYYY!
> PART 1... LOOK FOR MORE IN THE
>FUTURE.
Mike & Crow:NOOOOOOOO!!!
>ROTHWANG
>Dave....@Washcoll.edu
[Mike picks up Tom's remains and they bolt out]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[Crow sits at the counter in a suit and tie. Looking like a news anchorman.]
Crow:We the producers wish to apologize to MTV and it's affiliates for our
un-provoked joking at their expense. The producers wish it to be known that
they have the utmost respect for MTV... and... it's...programs [Starts
cracking up] I CAN'T DO IT!! [Laughing][Sees Mike and Tom and disappears
under the counter.]
[Mike walks in with Tom. Mike is attaching a new head on Tom.]
Mike:Tom, you'd better be careful. We don't have many of these left.
Tom:Sorry Mike. I didn't mean to buckle. I just couldn't take it.
Mike:That's ok buddy. You tried.
Crow:[Pops in from under the counter not wearing his anchorman suit.] Mike,
Kurt Leoder is calling.
Mike:What do you think sir?
[D-13]
[Dr.F is in front of the TV. There are tears in his eyes.]
Announcer on TV:Next week on the real world...
[Dr.F taps the button.]
Poit!!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and it's related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1995 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of
copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no
infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
>Spock "Sure, now you ask me. Butthole."
Chris Scheetz csch...@ccmail.bms.com
"The Tick's alternate sidekick. I've got the moth suit to prove it!"
"Not in the face! Not in the face!" - Arthur's battle cry
"Bite Me!" - Crow T. Robot
Weezelph 2
Well...it's *easily* as good as Crow's "Earth Vs. Soup"! ("Mmm-mmm,
Better!")
PS; I think it's "nougat" center!
Keep circulating the spinoffs!
Lee Cooper (Weez...@aol.com)
MSTy #10838