MiSTed: The Rangers of NIHM (1/4)

[Håkan Svensson]

The Rangers of NIMH

MiSTed by Håkan Svensson
with contributions from Kevin A. Pezzano

Comments are welcome and will be forwarded to Kevin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
W A R N I N G

This MiSTing is rated FANFIC-14 for mild cursing and because the original
story is so bad that it will scar your children for life if they read it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Season 7 opening sequence. Cut to the interior of the SoL, showing Mike
asleep. He is twisting and turning, since some sound is bothering him.
Finally, he gets up to investigate the source of the sound. It is coming
from the theater! Mike enters the theater to see it running, with Crow
sitting alone inside.]

MIKE: Crow, what are you doing in the theater this early on a saturday?
CROW: Hey, bots need no sleep!
MIKE: Yeah, but orgos do.
CROW: Anyway, the Mads fixed the theater so that it can show television
shows, too. Remember?
MIKE: Don't remind me. I'm still recovering from the reruns of "The
Incredible Hulk."
CROW: Yeah, but some of the stuff they show on saturday mornings is really
pretty good.
MIKE: Crow. You're watching *cartoons*?
CROW: Hey, Mike! They're fun! Haven't you ever wanted to recapture the
child inside?
MIKE: Sure, if you like being childish...

[A yellow light turns on inside the theater.]

MIKE: The hell... What could Wakko and Dot be wanting at this time of day?

[Deep 13, projected on the theater screen]

PEARL: Clayton! CLAYTON!
DR. F: [off screen] In a minute, mother!
PEARL: Clayton, if you plan to destroy the wills of your test subjects by
waking them up early in the morning, you shouldn't be watching "The
Little Mermaid - the series" when you call them!
DR. F: [off screen] It's soon over!
PEARL: [sighs] He can be such a child at times. If you want something done
properly...

[SoL]

[Lights, buzzers, general mayhem.]

TOM: NOOO! I'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

[ 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ]

[Tom flies into the theater and is helped by Mike to get into his seat.]

TOM: What are you two doing in here already?
MIKE: I'll explain later.

> FoxFire Studios and Company (MechTail waves)

MIKE: Hopefully, MechTail is hit by a tsunami.

> Presents
>
> A Firestorm FanFict

CROW: Guaranteed to burn you out before the end of the first chapter!

>
> "The Rangers of NIMH"

TOM: If this is a Babylon 5 / The Secret of NIMH crossover, I'm going to be
violently ill.
MIKE: What if it's a Secret of NIMH / Mighty Morhpin' Power Rangers
crossover?
CROW: [retches]
TOM: Great. We're not even through the opening credits and Crow is puking
already.

>
> By Paul Lapansee

TOM: [retches]
MIKE: Wasn't his name "Lapensee" last time?

> and David Gonterman

TOM: It's two bad writers that go worse together!

>
> Chip 'n' Dale's Rescue Rangers by The Walt Disney Company

CROW: Oh, I like that show. Perhaps this won't be so bad after all.
MIKE: You liked the "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon, too.
CROW: Yeah.
MIKE: Then you read "MechTail."
CROW: Yeah.
MIKE: Then you destroyed your Genesis and burnt your Sonic plushie.
CROW: Yeah.

> Any attempts of lawsuit from The Walt Disney Company
> *will* result in the immediate roboticization of their
> entire cartoon population, starting with Mickey!!

TOM: We're not even past the copyright notices and these guys are already
in their own little world!
MIKE: Not a good sign at all.

> Jonathan Brisby and The Firestorm Imprint by David Gonterman

TOM: Please. One fanfic is plenty.

> The Secret of NIMH a Don Bluth Production which is based upon the book
> Mrs. Frisby (Brisby) and the rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien

CROW: Soundtrack available from Polygram Records.

> Clarice like Foxglove only appeared once in a Chip 'N' Dale original call
> Two Chips and a Miss (1951) man that is a long time ago...

TOM: So we're getting an obscure bit character who only appeared once
elevated to heroine status? Where have we seen *that* before?

>
>
> Watching the movie it helps you understand what is going on.

CROW: Reading this story will *not* lead to any such insights.

>
> Just a thought, why is Gadget so smart?

TOM: If he's so smart, why does he need to be rescued by his dog and his
daughter all the time?

>
> _______________________

CROW: Well, this is it. We're going to die.
MIKE: Look on the bright side, Crow. At least this one can't possibly be any
worse than "Mechtail."

>
> The Ranger's where flowing a leaded of break-ins.

[Awed silence, then:]
MIKE: Now *that's* a way to kick off a story!
TOM: [starts shuddering] Duh... No sense making... Must... find... sense...
CROW: Hold me, Mike. I'm scared.

> Some one was
> stealing medical equipment,

TOM: [recovering] Well, that rules out the twos and the rest of the
numbers.
MIKE: Hold your grammar flames, Tom. I have a feeling you'll be needing
them later.

> after seeing how the equipment was stolen
> it could only be...

MIKE: Green Goblin?
TOM: Megavolt?
CROW: Victor Eugene Tooms?

>
> "Nimnul" Chip said as he look at the shattered door.

MIKE: Oh.
CROW: That would have been my second guess.

>
> "Too right Chip.

TOM: [Dale] I hate it when you are right! You are always right!

> Only a nut like him would do this." Monty
> said.
>
> Gadget looked around. "I looks like he was only after some
> medical reports." They looked at the toppled over cabinets.

MIKE: Red hot cabinet-peepin' action!

>
> Dale picked up a piece of paper. "Hey guys, I think I found
> something."

TOM: [Dale] Look! It's the script!
CROW: [Chip] Ehhh, just throw it away.

>
> Gadget grabbed it. "Hmm It has something to do with lady dying
> of brain cancer and being cured after being bitten by a rat.

CROW: No, no, no! It was a young boy, and he was cured by receiving
postcards!

> Strange
> all the files stolen where of strange cases involving rats."

TOM: Excuse me, exactly how do they know what was in the *missing* files?
CROW: Perhaps Gadget is really Nimnul!
MIKE: Nah. That would be a plot twist, and I have a feeling we won't be
seeing any of those.

>
> "Rats how do rats fit into this." Chip scratched his head.

CROW: Not that well, but I guess you could use vaseline.

> "Nimnul's been stealing Medical Equipment all this time. Why would
> he steal old files?"

CROW: Because has run out of toilet paper?

>
> Dale looks sleepy. "Chip can we go home now there's nothing
> else to look at?"

MIKE: [Chip] I don't know. Why don't we look at the cabinets some more?

>
> Monty yawns. "Dale right lad we need some sleep. We can figure
> this out tomorrow."

TOM: Figure out the plot?
MIKE: Sorry. Can't be done.

>
> Chip looked frustrated. "All right, all right we'll look into
> it tomorrow."

CROW: Because we all know that there's no time like tomorrow to examine a
crime scene.

>
> They head back to ranger headquarters.

MIKE: Well, that was a thrilling bit of detective work.

> _______________________________
>
> Deep in underground in a city of Rats, there is a middle age rat
> sitting in a chair. Life was good for them easy access to the city
> resources.

TOM: They had to pay through the nose to get such a nice place in the sewers.

>
> The rat frowned a bit. He wanted so much for them to live
> without stealing. They tried once. But a flood nearly killed them
> out in forest, so they came to the city.

MIKE: Well, I can see how... huh?
CROW: So... Stop stealing, and get caught by a flood in the forest? That's
right up there with the Twinkie Defense!

> Yes as long as they stayed
> underground things where all right.

MIKE: Huh? Who's narrating here?
TOM: Even the authors don't know!

>
> But a few went up into the city to get food and some never came
> back.

CROW: Thank you, Mr. Exposition.

>
> A strange-looking mouse wearing a red amulet walked up to him.

MIKE: I heard somewhere that Ms. Brisby shares her first name with Mr. Spock.
TOM: Huh?

>
> "It's good to see you again, Jonathan," The rat said.

ALL: WHAT?
CROW: Great. More resurrections of dead characters. I'm still recovering from
when Meaghan brought back Scar from the dead.

>
> The mouse brushed aside his rather punk-style hair. "Justin, I
> heard you were looking for me."

MIKE: I know we never get to see him except as a very young mouse, but I
*still* have problems picturing Jonathan Brisby with punk-styled hair!

>
> He smiled. The rat sat up.

TOM: Did he stand down after that?

> "Yes I was. We have a problem."

CROW: [Justin] I thought the Conley sequels were bad enough, but this fanfic
is a CRISIS!

> _______________________________
>
> The next day the Rangers where siting around a table trying to
> figure out there next move.

TOM: Disgusted by his defeat at the hands of Deep Blue, Kasparov challenges
two chipmunks, two mice, and a fly!

>
> "Well, we can either wait for Nimnul to strike next or find him
> before he does." Chip said.

MIKE: Yep, those seem to be the options.

>
> Gadget looked at Chip. "He would need a big place to hold all
> that equipment. Maybe if we check out some old factories he could be
> hiding out in one of them."

TOM: I wouldn't think so. How would he get power to his machines?
MIKE: He's a bad guy. They always manage to get electricity to condemned
buildings.

>
> There was a knock at the door.

CROW: A shot rang out! The woman screamed!

>
> "I get it." Dale said.
>
> He opened it.

MIKE: Dazzling narratorial technique here.
TOM: No kidding! This is the literary equivalent of Hal Warren directing.
CROW: You call this "literary"?

>
> "Can I help you?"
>
> There stood a rather handsome-looking mouse in a black vested
> jumper with white sleeves and red-and-white checkered collars, and
> wearing a sparkling red amulet. He quietly entered the room and
> smiled.

TOM: [Dale] He's dreamy!
CROW: Hey! How'd he get from strange-looking to handsome with just a scene
change?

> "Actually it is I who can help you."

MIKE: [Jonathan] With our new Orrick XL vacuum! Is the mouse of the house
at home?

> ____________________________________
>
> "Who are you?"

CROW: [deep voice] I'm Batman!
MIKE: Apparently it took Dale an entire chapter break to say something.

>
> "The name's Jonathan Brisby. I came from a rat village around
> town. It appears that both of us are on the same case, and I thought
> we could compare notes."

TOM: D flat.
MIKE: G sharp.

>
> "Oh. Sure, come on in."

[All boggle]
CROW: Sure! We believe you right off the bat! Come on in!

>
> "jonathan brisby, eh? the name sounds familiar," said the large
> Australian mouse at the back.

CROW: Oh my God, it's "The Rescuers Down Under"!
BOTS: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
MIKE: I think the author means Monty, guys.

>
> Chip looked at him. "You said that you are working on a case
> like ours, just how do you know, we never met before.

TOM: He peeked through a plot hole.

> Do you belong
> to a group like ours?"

CROW: No, he's Bluth, they're Disney.

>
> Jonathan looked at him. "I have a lot of friends who have told
> me things about your group. As for you other question, No. I
> usually work alone."

MIKE: Jonathan Brisby: Mouse Detective.

>
> "Then why ask us?"

TOM: Why ask why?

>
> "Well I a..

CROW: Ia! Ia Cthulhu!
MIKE: Hey, stop that!

> It's kind of.. I need help,

CROW: For my stuttering.

> this case has left me
> puzzled."
>
> Chip shows the new guy around: "Well you have come to the right
> place. My name is Chip, That's Monterey Jack--don't strain your
> brain remembering, monty--,

TOM: I know Monty is thick, but surely he can remember *his own name*?
CROW: Tell that to Stephen "Ratlif" and Paul "Lapanse."

> that's Zipper, he's Dale and..."
>
> Jonathan wasn't listening at that point. He was locked in a
> gaze with the girl mouse.

TOM: [singing] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...

>
> "h-hello, there," she said. "I'm Gadget. Gadget Hackwrench."

CROW: Shaken, not stirred.

>
> "Charmed," Jonathan held out his paw. Gadget blushed slightly
> and stretched out her paw to his.

CROW: Where it promptly came off in her hand!
TOM: That Jonathan and his fake paw gags! Heh!

>
> When she took it, his amulet that hung from his neck glowed--

TOM: Gadget took Jonathan's amulet?
CROW: I told you she was really Nimnul!

> slightly, but for all to notice. Jonathan looked self-consciously at
> the rock.

MIKE: Is he old enough to watch that kind of movie?

> "You've got to excuse me. I got this amulet from my great
> -grandfather from his adventures from NIMH.

TOM: This story is about Jonathan Brisby's *great grandson*?
CROW: Oooh. Now I *really* hate this fanfic!

> It gets this way when it
> senses someone with courage and . . . character . . . and stuff

MIKE: So... It's a mystic amulet that does... stuff.
TOM: Seems like it.
CROW: Uh huh.

> [turns to amulet]

MIKE: Whoa! Neat trick!

> Back to bed, you."

CROW: If you're lucky, the authors won't read you a bedtime story.

>
> It shut itself off.

TOM: Cool. A snooze button.

>
> "*NIMH!!*" Monty's brain finally clicked in.

TOM: Well, it only took two seasons.

> "You're great-
> grandfather, does he have the same name--"

TOM: [Monty] --as an evil research group performing unethical animal
experiments?
CROW: His parents must really have hated him.

>
> Gadget was struck by the word NIMH as well . . .

MIKE: [Gadget] Ow!

> something from
> her past . . . something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

CROW: Mice have fingers?
MIKE: In animation, four on each paw.

>
> "Yes, he does. You've heard of him, I see."
>
> "Do I ever?! JB, your great-grandpappy's an legend . . ."

MIKE: Starring Richard Dean Anderson.

>
> ------------------------
>
> The Rescue Ranger's sat around the table and listened to Monty
> telling them what he knew of the original Jonathan Brisby.

TOM: Wouldn't Jonathan Jr. know more about his ancestor than Monty?
MIKE: Try not to think. That makes it easier.

>
> "Oh come, Monty!

MIKE: [Facing Crow] No way.

> Are you saying that ordinary rats became super
> intelligent because of some experiment?"

MIKE: Maybe they should have tried that experiment on the authors.
TOM: Hey! Who's talking here?

>
> "That's what I heard mate's I wasn't there but.. [He looked at
> Gadget.] I have heard stories."

TOM: [Gadget] They're all lies! I never worked in Vegas!

>
> Gadget looked at Chip. "As strange as it may seem Chip. The
> reports stolen had to do with rats and knowing Nimnul anything is
> possible."

MIKE: Except the chance that we might see some decent writing.

>
> Jonathan repeated the name. "Nimnul...Nimnul now where have I
> heard that name before, just who is this guy?"

TOM: Oh, Just your everyday evil but easily defeated villain. Every series
has to have one.

>
> There was a knock at the door. Chip stood up. "I get the door
> guys."

CROW: Mike, what is deja vu?
MIKE: It's the feeling you've been somewhere or done something before.
TOM: At least it wasn't double spaced this time.

> Gadget explained there adventures with Nimnul while Chip
> answered the door.

MIKE: [Chip] Hey, pizza's here! Who ordered the acorn?

> "Dale come quick there's letter its for both of us."

TOM: One more sentence like that and my parser will explode!

> Chip
> sounded excited and Dale ran up. "Do you think it's it?" "Well
> there RAS logo on it." Chip said. They both read the letter.

CROW: The letter "A", not knowing the rest of the alphabet.

> The
> group watched as the two chipmunks jumped around like they won the
> lottery or something. "Yes!" Chip yelled

CROW: [Chip] We may already have won a million dollars! Woohoo!

>
> "Crikey mates, what's the letter say? Don't leave us in the
> dark."

TOM: Attributions, anyone?
MIKE: Magic Voice gets a lot of lines in this fanfic.
MAGIC VOICE: Leave me out of this!

>
> "It's a letter from the Rescue Aid Society. They have two
> openings in this area

MIKE: I don't want to know about openings in the area, thank you very much.

> and guess who they wanted to fill the
> positions?" Chip said with a smirk.

CROW: Mulder and Scully?
MIKE: Murtaugh and Riggs?
TOM: Somerset and Mills?

>
> "You two?" Gadget said.

ALL: Oh.

>
> "Yeper's Gadget." Dale said.

MIKE: I don't want to know about Yeper's gadget, thank you very much.

>
> There was silence. Jonathan watched as their face's dropped.
> Gadget sniffed back her tears. Jonathan gave her a gentle tap on the
> sholder and a look of sympathy. Zipper landed on Monty's.

CROW: On Monty's WHAT?

>
> "I'm happy for you guys." Gadget said. Chip's face also shared
> in the sadness.

TOM: Are they happy or sad? I'm confused!
MIKE: Join the authors.

>
> "Well I.. the letter says we have a week to decided so maybe we
> can solve this case before then." They nodded.

CROW: ...off to sleep, bored almost to death by the story.
TOM: SLEEEEP!

>
> "Sorry to brake the mood guys

MIKE: Oh, I don't think it can get much slower.

> but I think I know where Nimnul is
> going to strike next," Jonathan said looking at a map.

TOM: SO WHY DID HE NEED HELP FROM THE RESCUE RANGERS?
MIKE: Tom, remember what I said about thinking?

>
> "Where?" Jonathan pointed to a building. "There is more then
> one branch in this country

MIKE: No wonder, with all the forests.

> and all the places that where hit have
> contracts with The National Institute of Mental Health."
>
> "N-I-M-H" Gadget said.
>
> "Got it in one, Gadget.

CROW: I could tell that this story was going to be crappy in one sentence!

> NIMH."
> ________________________________
>
> Nimnul is seen working on some equipment.

TOM: By whom? Big Brother?

>
> "Oh yes just a few minor adjustments and..[The factory's lights
> turn on.] Tada.. not even the power company can stop me.

MIKE: Oh, so he just convinced the electrons to take the scenic route.

> He he
> he." He walks over to a computer.

CROW: [Nimnul] Now to download some nude pictures of Jasmine! Heh heh
heh...

>
> "Now let me see who next?" He taps in some commands and a map
> appears on the screen. A flashing red box appears over a building.

CROW: I hate to bring this up, but is this supposed to be a script or a
story?
MIKE: Yes.

> "Oh yes. Now if I remember correctly the building has a type 5
> alarm system. This calls for plain E..

TOM: ...from outer space!
CROW: Right now I would be happier watching an Ed Wood movie.

> he he he E as in Earthquake
> ha ha ha haaa."

MIKE: You know, it really is funny when you think about it. Heh.
TOM: Oh, shut up, Nelson!

> _____________________________
>
> Back at the Ranger Tree. Gadget is seen making some minor
> adjustments on the Ranger Wing.

CROW: Installing a Hindenburg barbecue set.

>
> Jonathan looks at the plane in amazement. "Gadget, who built
> this?"
>
> "I did." She said from under the plane.
>
> "You did?"

CROW: I did.
TOM: You did?
CROW: I did?
TOM: You did?
CROW: I did.
MIKE: Okay, that's enough of that.

>
> "Actually I built it according to one of my fathers blue prints.

MIKE: [Gadget] He dipped his paws in ink and walked over a piece of
paper.

> He use to designed planes in his spare time." She slid out from
> under it.
>
> Jonathan grabbed her paw and helped her to her feet. "Your
> father must have been very smart. I would like to meet him one day."
>
> "Gadget's father is dead, mate." Monty said as he walked up.

TOM: Oooh... awkward!

>
> "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
>
> "It's ok. This is my family now." Her ears dropped as she
> remember about Chip and Dale.

CROW: Mike, I'm confused. Is this story written in the past or present
tense?
MIKE: Yes.

>
> Chip walked out side. "You guys ready?"

TOM: [Gadget] Watch where you step, I just dropped my ears!

>
> They nodded and hoped into the plane. Jonathan sat beside
> Gadget to much of Chip's regret.

MIKE: Yes, but how did the REST of Chip feel?

> The plane lifted off the ground and
> zipped away with the Rangers.

TOM: [singing] Zipp-a-dee-doo-daa, Zip-a-dee-yay...

>
> "Wow-whee, Gadget," Jonathan said as they flew off. "This is
> some plane. There are some rats I know that would just like to meet
> you!"

CROW: In a dark alley. Alone.

>
> "That reminds me, mate: What happened to the Rats after they
> broke out of NIMH?"

TOM: So, Monty knows everything about Jonathan Brisby the First, but not
what happened to the rats?
MIKE: It's just a fanfic. You should really just relax.

>
> "It's a long story, Monty. After a while outside of captivity,
> they believed that they have become smart enough to live
> independently of human's . . . er, can we say, 'benefits?'"

ALL: "Benefits!"
MIKE: [Mr. Rogers] That's good! I knew you could. Now, can you say
"Deoxyribonucleinic acid"?

>
> "HA!! That's a nice way of telling us that they don't wanna
> *steal* anymore!"

MIKE: The rats are welfare queens! Sheesh!
CROW: Yeah, just wait'll Rush hears about this!

>
> Jonathan held up a finger.

TOM: Can he *do* that in a cartoon?

> "I quote our first leader, the Late
> Nicodemus:

CROW: [Nicodemus] That damn alarm clock! Always making me late!

> 'We can't live as rats anymore. We *know* too much.' So
> we perused this dream of ours, with variable degrees of success. The
> Rats trekked out

MIKE: They watched all eight Star Trek movies on end.

> to The Thorn Valley Reservation Park, and builded
> our little civilization from there."

TOM: Copyright Sid Meier.

>
> "Thorn Valley. I heard that place got dammed up four years
> back."
>
> "Yeah. That almost flooded us.

TOM: And exactly when did the Brisbys move to Thorn Valley with the rats?
CROW and MIKE: Fanboy! Faaanboy!

> We had to move the entire city
> to higher ground. Also had to split off several parties to build new
> villages."

CROW: [Jonathan] Cause the neighbors were complaining about the loud music
and stuff.

>
> "Jonathan," Gadget asked, "We've read about a brain cancer
> patient getting cured by a bite from a rat. Is that because of those
> experiments at NIMH?"

TOM: Well, THAT treatment will have a tough time getting approval from the
FDA!

>
> "Mmmm. Brain Cancer, you say?" Jonathan scratches his chin
> "It could be.

CROW: [Jonathan] That might be why I have this splitting headache all the
time.

> The Rats have top scientists of their own figuring out
> exactly *what* NIMH did to them. Their reports say that the NIMH
> experiments had to do about finding a cure for brain damage,
> retardedness, learning disabilities,

MIKE: Bad fanfics.

> and what other stuff to that
> account.

TOM: Of course, no stupidity means no politicians, so the project had to be
canceled.

> What they have in their formulas is something that not just
> repair damaged brain cells but enhances already healthy brain matter
> to, shoot, I don't know."

CROW: Homicidal brain matter?

>
> "Golly" Gadget said as JB got to this point. She was drifting
> off into her own thoughts,

TOM: As opposed to somebody else's thoughts?

> pausing just to listen to Jonathan
> describe the NIMH experiments. As a child--she could barely
> remember--she could hear her father talk about being caught in a lab
> at one time.

CROW: Poor guy must have been a CS student.

> She didn't care about it then, but now? Did Geegaw
> Hackwrench came from the National Institute of Mental Health?

TOM: Read the book!

> Is he
> one of those legendary 'Rats of NIMH?' And what does this mean to
> her? Is *this* why she's one of the brighter mice in the city?

MIKE: And what about Scarecrow's brain?

>
> "I don't know about you, mates, but I do hope NIMH *kept* that
> formula. If their test subjects can learn how to read, break out of
> their labs on their own, go off to some forest and build their own
> civilization, I'd say *that* could be a sign that they're doing
> something *right!!*"

MIKE: Which is a good way for a governmental institute to be removed.

> _______________________
>
> "There it is." The ranger plane few up to a building that
> looked like a small hospital. "Nice big place they have here."

CROW: Big? Small? YOU decide!

> Monty said. JB looked down. "NIMH must be doing well these days.
> I remember hearing once that they almost went bankrupt because of
> budget restraints. There was also something about a guy trying to
> take the credit for some of their discoveries. He ended up in a
> mental institution."

TOM: The National Institute for Mental Health?

> The ranger plane landed on the roof.
>
> "OK guys lets find a way in. If Nimnul strikes again well be
> here to stop him. Dale you stay here."

MIKE: Stay! Good Dale!

>
> "Aw come on, Chip. I don't want to miss out on the fun." Dale
> said.
>
> "Dale, we need a look out. If you see Nimnul give us a shout on
> the radio."

CROW: And now, on KMUS radio, Tears for Fears.

>
> Dale agreed and sat on the Ranger Wing. The rest of them looked
> around.

TOM: But... Didn't they make *Dale* the lookout?
MIKE: That way lies madness.

>
> "Hmm all the vents have screens on them. I guess they don't
> want any small visitors." Jonathan said smiling like he was not
> surprised.

TOM: And how do you smile like you're not surprised?

>
> "No problem mates just give me a crack at it." The large mouse
> grabbed a hold of the screen and pulled. The screen slowly gave way
> and popped out of its socket.
>
> "Man, and I though Brutis was strong."

MIKE: But Popeye kept beating him up.

>
> The group tied a rope and slid down the shaft. Dale watched
> them disappear from view. "There the go again with out me.. One day
> I'll show Chip."

CROW: [Dale] ...my collection of baseball cards.

> He sighed as the sun started to set. "Where are
> you?..." He said looking at the sky.

TOM: [Dale] Oh please, Hale-Bopp aliens! Come soon!

>
> ----------------------
>
> The group quietly walked through the heat vents. It's a good
> thing it's not winter.

MIKE: Well, that's a good observation! Now, back to the story.

> They came across a computer room and looked
> out of the vent.
>
> Two humans where working with VR equipment manipulating DNA
> strings on the computer screen. "OK Frank, I think I got the
> sequences right."

ALL: *Frank*?
CROW: What are the Rescue Rangers doing in Deep 13?

> The other human removed his helmet and walk up to
> the computer. "Yes the computer is now saving it and sending it to
> the main frame. The human took his helmet off.

TOM: As opposed to removing his helmet?
CROW: The helmet so nice, he took it off twice!

> "Good." He looked
> at the clock. "Well we're already 1 hour late. So we better go
> before they lock up."

TOM: It doesn't take *that* long for Windows to lock up.
CROW: Bite me, Macboy!

> The computers where turned off and they
> walked out the door.

MIKE: The computers of Baba Yaga.

>
> Jonathan looked at Chip. "OK, now what?"
>
> "We wait. If Nimal is going to strike,

TOM: He will sing the title theme to "The Neverending Story".

> he usually waits until
> after closing time."

CROW: Most robbers do, generally.

>
> Jonathan looked at the computer and got an idea. "Monty can you
> help me open this vent."

MIKE: Well, that's a good idea! Beats walking through a closed vent.

>
> The two mice popped the vent open and walked into the room. JB
> looked around. "Nice set up." He hopped on all fours and climbed
> up the chair.
>
> "Hey what are you doing?" Chip yelled out.

CROW: [Jonathan] Hopping on all fours. Whee! It's fun!

>
> "Just getting some info which may help us." He said looked
> down from the chair. He found the on switch. 'CLICK' The computer
> came to life.

TOM: [Hal] I am ready for my first lesson.

>
> "Golly Chip he's even good at computers." Gadget said looking
> up.

MIKE: He knows where the on switch is, and he's good at computers?
CROW: Beats most AOLers.

>
> "More like a computer geek." Chip said under his breath.
>
> "Aha UNIX... hmm I'm a bit rusty but.."

TOM: [falsetto] I know this! It's a UNIX system!

> 'tap, taps, tap, tap..'
> 'Beep.' "Darn that didn't work." 'tap, tap, taps, Beep!' "Fine be
> that way!"

TOM: The Rescue Rangers' investigation is brought to a screeching halt by
Microsoft Windows 95.

>
> Chip scratched his head.

CROW: [Makes sound of vinyl record scratching]

>
> Gadget half understood what he was doing. "Chip, look around to
> see if they have a list of passwords around here."

MIKE: Look for the drawer labeled "plot device."

>
> Zipper was already on it. He dived into a drawer

TOM: 8.5.
MIKE: 8.0.
CROW: 6.5.

> and pulled out
> a slip of paper.
>
> "Find me *any* human who keeps their passwords safe," Jonathan
> smirked, "even biogenetic scientists?"

CROW: Well... Most people who aren't in a fanfic or movie.

>
> He typed in. 'Just a sec.'

TOM: THAT'S the password?!

>
> The computer screen blurred as information zipped by. Beep
> Access Granted.

MIKE: Beep access?
CROW: Yeah, he's trying to access the [beep] files.
MIKE: You, Sir, are headed for a time out.

>
> "Access profile on subject"
>
> A picture of a younger looking Nimnul appeared on screen.

CROW: In profile.

>
> "Crikey that's Nimnul. What does it say."
>
> Jonathan slapped himself on the face. "Now I remember!

MIKE: [Jonathan] I can't read!

> Nimnul.
> Professor Norton Nimnul. He was the guy who wanted credit from NIMH.
> He was on the same team that experimented on..." The door opened,
> two guards walked in waving flashlights around. "Halt! you...
> mice???"

TOM: Guys, this is just too stupid!
CROW: Yeah. Corporate security guards regularly attempt to arrest and book
mice running around the building.

>
> "RUN FOR IT!" Chip screamed.
>
> Jonathan did a quick tap on the computer and jumped off the
> chair and dashed for the vent with the others. The guards looked at
> each other. "Hey Fred, let's keep this to our selves. I don't think
> anyone would believe us ."

TOM: [Sarcasm sequencer] No, of course no one would believe that there were
mice running around NIHM. After all, that has *never* happened before!

> The guard looked at the computer screen
> and saw this message just a second before the screen went blank:

CROW: It is now safe to turn off your computer.

>
> WE'VE DONE IT, PINKY!! JUST ANOTHER STEP ON OUR QUEST TO TAKE
> OVER THE WORLD--BRAIN

MIKE: [Singing] If I only had a Brain...
CROW: If only the *authors* had one!

>
> Jonathan snickered as he brought up the rear up the vent. "I'd
> like to see Warner Brothers explain *that!* Too hot shot lab rats
> still stuck in their cages thinks they can take it over? *HA!!!*"

TOM: Crow, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
CROW: Egad, I think so, Tom, but I don't think fanfic authors are fair game
now that the hunting season is over.

>
> "Hah-hah-hah" Monterey slapped Jonathan on the back. "I like
> your style, kid!"

TOM: [bursts out crying] Mike, I just can't take any more! Make it stop!
MIKE: I think we need a break...

[They leave the theater.]

(Continued in part 2)