[MiSTied] Skyscraper Part 2/3
Daniel J. Sikorski
My first public MiSTing ... and fair warning:
*** PG-13 to R-rated themes ahead (particularly in parts 2 and 3) ***
The fanfic "Skyscraper" contains mature themes, although it is neither
explicit nor does it contain four-letter Anglo-Saxon words. Still, the
theme is generally considered mature, so for the sake of covering my
behind, I'm tacking this warning on to the top. So, Reader Discretion is
advised.
SHAMELESS PLUG:
misties...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu -- the MiSTies Request Mailing List
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ika...@infinet.com
Daniel J Sikorski
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o ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6
[INT SOL: CROW alone, strolling past, humming to himself.]
[INT Lab: Extreme closeup, FRANK, looking nervous.]
FRANK: [whispering] Psst! Crow!
[SOL]
CROW: Wha - huh? Oh, it's you.
[Lab]
FRANK: [still whispering] Hello, Eliza.
[SOL - CROW stiffens, faces CAMBOT rigidly, as during the invention
exchange.]
CROW: THE DOCTOR IS IN. WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?
[Lab]
FRANK: [with some relief -- it worked!] Listen, I have a
problem.
[SOL]
CROW: OH, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
[Lab]
FRANK: Yeah, it's Dr. Forrester. He's been ... distant lately.
He hasn't killed me in over two weeks!
[SOL]
CROW: DO YOU WISH IT WEREN'T DR. FORRESTER?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ... DISTANT LATELY?
WHAT WOULD IT MEAN TO YOU IF YOU WERE KILLED IN OVER TWO
WEEKS?
[Lab]
FRANK: [begins rambling] I mean, last week I accidentally spilled
some methylene blue into Clay's shampoo ... boy, he looked
like a Smurf when he got out of the shower! ... and anyways,
all he did was rough me up some and threaten me. Why didn't
he kill me again? Do you think the magic is gone?
[SOL]
CROW: OH, YOU ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED SOME METHYLENE BLUE INTO
CLAY'S SHAMPOO?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO LOOK LIKE A SMURF WHEN YOU GOT OUT OF THE
SHOWER?
DO YOU WISH YOU COULD ROUGH YOU UP SOME AND THREATEN YOU?
WHAT WOULD IT MEAN IF HE KILLED YOU AGAIN?
OH, I THINK THE MAGIC IS GONE?
[Movie Sign -- CROW snaps out of it and runs like hell,
panicking]
6 ... 5 ...
FRANK [V.O.] Oh, and just when we were making some progress ...
4 ... 3 ... 2 ... o
>Subj: fanfic: Skyscraper
>Date: 95-02-22 02:07:23 EST
>
>
>
>From: fan...@vger.rutgers.edu
>To: fan...@vger.rutgers.edu
TOM: [panicky] Vger? VGER!?! Oh my God, they lied to us, this
is a Star Trek Motion Picture fanfic! Kill me now, Joel, if
you have a shred of humanity! [TOM is now sobbing against
JOEL's shoulder]
JOEL: [patting TOM comfortingly on the head] I've seen the movie.
A fanfic of it might actually be better.
>From: ren...@mcs.com
CROW: From: He...@It.Came
>Sender: owner-...@vger.rutgers.edu
JOEL: Rutgers owns it? Education *is* dead.
>Reply-to: fan...@vger.rutgers.edu
>To: fan...@vger.rutgers.edu
TOM: I see the Department of Redundancy Department helped fund
this.
>Skyscraper
>A fit of romance from the Grrrman (gr...@grrr.rutgers.edu)
JOEL: More likely a fit of stupidity.
CROW: The Grrrman? Are you sure it's not the Frrrenchman? Or
maybe the Austrrrian?
JOEL: You know, it's really rude for a fanfic to growl at you
before you've even been properly introduced.
TOM: I agrrree.
JOEL: Stop that.
> Lois and Superman had been planning this evening for some
>time, and it had occurred to Supes that it had to be done
>someplace 'special'.
CROW: For example, the beautiful Motel Wockachicka, with its
Magic Fingers bed and hourly rates.
> He thought to himself all the exotic places that they could
>go and be alone. On the Wall of China? Nope, she'd be too jet
>lagged by the time they got there to enjoy any of it.
JOEL: That, and it's hard to be alone when you're surrounded by
over a billion Chinese.
CROW: Hey, it could work out for him -- after all, an hour later,
she'd --
JOEL: I have a time-out with your name on it.
CROW: -- probably be ready to go home and watch Oprah.
TOM: *Nice* recovery.
>How about mid-air?
TOM: How about air sickness?
> Nope, they would have a tough time concentrating
>with the wind rushing by so fast, although it did sound quite
>intriguing.
> Then it came to him.
> Yes!
ALL: NO!
> The top of the tallest building in Metropolis, that
>would make the perfect evening
TOM: Yeah, if you're a pigeon!
> he thought.
JOEL: Not very hard, though.
> Upon making his
>decision he ran to his (Clark's)
CROW: You mean *Clark* is Superman? I lost five bucks betting it
was Jimmy!
> apartment and grabbed a nice
>large sleeping bag that Lois had never ventured deep enough into
>his closets to see yet.
TOM: Where was it, under the pile of spare uniforms?
CROW: [Lois' voice] Let's see, capes, tights, map of Krypton,
oh, darn, there's no sleeping bag in here!
JOEL: That sleeping bag would have been the conclusive evidence
to prove that Superman and Clark are the same person.
> He rolled it up and placed it under his
>arm, prepared to fly to the scene and get things ready.
> On the way Superman picked up two wine-glasses and a bottle
>of timely bubbly.
TOM: Or would have, if the clerk at the Seven-Eleven hadn't
carded him.
CROW: What the heck is 'timely bubbly'?
JOEL: Thunderbird with Orson Welles' personal approval.
> "What is a night without such necessities?",
JOEL: Sober.
>and smiled at himself.
TOM: Egotistical much, Clark?
> He of course was very engrossed in the
>fact that Lois, this time, had asked him to pick where they
>should go to get away from it all. Besides, he was getting
>bored of Lois's apartment, although he would never admit such a
>thing.
CROW: That, and the Strawberry Shortcake sheets were *real* off-
putting.
> The Daily Planet was quite sound asleep at this point in the
>evening, a perfect chance to grab Clark's stereo and ballad
>collection to top the evening off.
TOM: I wonder what he's going to play?
CROW: Sounds like "The Hokey-Pokey".
> Nonchalantly he grabbed the
>goods and made his final burst towards the one-night getaway he
>had devised.
TOM: ["Muggsy" voice] See, here, I got da getaway all planned,
boss.
> "I hope he doesn't pick some place silly to go."
JOEL: Another night in Paris and I'll just scream.
> Lois was in a picky mood as usual. Contemplating whether
>it was worth putting much time into her hair since they would be
>'flying' there. Just then she saw the familiar floating figure
>outside her window, with surgically implanted smile and shine to
>his face that was very difficult to miss.
TOM: Ah, the wonders of plastic surgery.
> "Am I here too early?"
> "No, I'm almost ready. So, where are we going anyway?"
> "You'll see."
JOEL: "You'll see." Great. Paris, again.
> Lois wasn't in the mood for surprises. Perry had badgered
>her all day about her article,
TOM: Hey, kiddo, it's better than being wolverined!
> not happy with the way she would
>put in his 'recommended' changes that sounded more like threats
>to not publish her work.
CROW: Darn those pesky editors!
JOEL: Obviously, the guy who wrote this doesn't have to worry
about them.
> How can he tell me how to present my
>stories!
TOM: Oh, this is too easy. Crow, you wanna take this one?
CROW: Naw. It'd be like kicking a puppy.
> "I'm ready, this better be good."
JOEL: If you want good, you're in the wrong fanfic.
> And with that Superman placed Lois into his strong arms.
CROW: What, he's got a hidden compartment in his bicep?
>Two steps towards the open window and they were airborne. As
>they took flight Superman could not help but stare deeply into
>Lois's eyes.
JOEL: So he never saw the 747 hurtling in their direction.
> Her eyes looked back with the same level of
>interest. She placed her loving hand on his shoulder,
CROW: And her hating hand on his --
JOEL: *>ahem!<*
CROW: -- wallet.
TOM: Whoo! Two for two, Crow!
> moving
>slowly down his arms as the wind swooped by them.
CROW: First a hidden compartment, now an elevator! This guy's
not the Man of Steel, he's the Chrysler Building!
> Superman's
>usual stern face gave way to the kind of smile you'd expect from
>a five year old who had just been told to open his birthday
>presents. She sure was a prize,
TOM: A real crackerjack, that Lois!
> and he could do nothing but
>adore her the whole way.
TOM: o/~ My eyes adored her ... o/~
JOEL: But my hands got me sued for harrassment.
> Safely landing on the roof, Lois turned and gazed at the
>sight. At first she appeared to be dismayed at Superman's
>selection, but after he motioned her to take a look up, her
>expression changed.
CROW: [Lois voice] Oh, Superman, you remembered the sheep!
> "Oh, you can see all the stars from here,
CROW: Look, there's Kevin Bacon!
JOEL: Oh, he's everywhere.
> no distractions
>from the bright city to blur them out! I love this view!"
>
> With that Superman rolled his husky arms around Lois's
>jubilant torso. Taking every second (and breath) as if it were
>their last, they felt each other's soft bodies in anticipation
>for what was to come.
JOEL: The Man of Steel is now the Man of Marshmallow.
> They worked their way into the furious
>lust which can be found only in the lowest of romance novels.
CROW: Or right here.
> Slowly, they became intrepid in each others arms, lowering
>themselves toward the ground.
TOM: Hey! I thought they were on a building!
JOEL: The tallest building in Metropolis is pretty short, then.
> The unzipped sleeping bag was
>calling their names, no sense of doubt in their minds.
TOM: He could've left out 'of doubt', and it would have made
more sense.
JOEL: So Superman hears voices from inanimate objects?
CROW: [hushed, conspiratorial whisper] Suuupermaaaan ...
Suuupermaaaan ... go to the window, Suuupermaaaan ...
> They
>felt fire, the kind of fire found only from trailing
>ingratiating desire.
JOEL: Or from sitting on a Bunsen burner.
> "Superman, take me where no man has before!"
TOM: AIEEE! It *IS* a Star Trek fanfic!
> They finally found enough sense within them to slip
TOM: -- out of this fanfic entirely!
> into
>the night sack. The breathing became heavier as Superman closed
>the two helplessly to each other. In one fell swoop he
>unraveled open his tasty body out in the open.
CROW: Mmmm! Tastes like chicken!
> Lois rubbed his exposed belly with such glee and
>enthusiasm,
JOEL: But she still couldn't manage to pat his head at the same
time.
> as if she had received such a treat herself once
>before. In an attempt to take matters into his own hands,
ALL: [clear their throats]
>Superman took Lois's fondling hand and stroked it down his
>feverish thigh. Lois felt a chill go down her spine,
JOEL: Jeez, fevers, chills, maybe this is really a Prevention
Magazine fanfic.
> nothing on
>her mind
TOM: Who-ho, got *that* right!
> but the man she loves. Wild thoughts ran through her
>mind, thoughts reserved for helpless level of intimacy she was
>feeling right now. She could not help but to break a sweat in
>the midst of things, her forehead shined with passionate rain.
ALL: Ewwww!
> Lois worked her unoccupied hand down Superman's face,
>cusped his neck of steel, then ran her finger across his
>concentric lips.
TOM: Neck of steel, love-handles of Silly Putty.
CROW: Concentric lips? So his mouth is perfectly circular?
> Like two kids in a candy store with a wad of
>hundreds, they picked at whatever looked sweet and succulent,
>gnawing until the fruit was born.
TOM: [Doctor's voice] Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Superman,
it's a bouncing baby avocado.
> Knowing no bounds, they crept
>closer, seizing the opportunity which was knocking louder than a
>rap to a thick oak door.
> Underneath the covers and the star filled sky they became
>one.
JOEL: [Guru voice] "Everybody must be at one with the Lois within."
> "Superman! Oh... you aren't going to hurt me are you? I'm
>scared..."
TOM: [Superman voice] Oh! My mistake, Scared, I thought you
were Lois!
> "Lois, the best part about having power... is knowing when
>not to use it..."
> "Take me!"
JOEL: *UH*-oh! [clamps his hands over both bots' eyes]
BOTS: *HEY!*
JOEL: It's for your own good, you two.
CROW: Well, if you *really* want to face this fanfic *alone*...
TOM: Yeah, you'll have to carry the ball all by yourself...
CROW: And it's not like there's embedded .GIFs or anything...
JOEL: [reluctantly removes hands] All right, but you two watch
it.
CROW: We can, now that your hand's out of the way.
TOM: Later. Time to get out of here.
JOEL: [heavy sigh of relief]
[End Part 2 of 3]