[MiSTied] Quick Cash part II

[Claye Hodge]

>
>Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully
>followed, Five members will be reimbursed for their participation as a List
>Developer with one dollar each. Your name will move up the list
>geometrically so that when your name reaches the number five position you
>will be reaceiving thousands of dollars in cash.

CROW: Or not.

>
>1. Mike Serroul

MIKE: Hey guys! Follow my lead!

>35 King St. W. #35
>Kitchener, Ont., Canada N2G 1A1

MIKE: This is the true story...

>
>2. Arturo Salcido
>1225 Broadway #611
>Chula Vista, CA 91911

TOM: Of ten complete strangers...

>
>3. Noelle Parks
>10666 Kendig Road
>New Carlisle, OH 45344-9705

CROW: Picked to be in this lame post...

>
>4. Paul Lange
>2507 Trail of the Madrones
>Austin, TX 78746

MIKE: Have their snail-mail addresses shown...

>
>5. Ken Hartxfeld
>201 Wildens Ave.
>E. Pittsburgh, PA 15112-1526

TOM: Thinking it'll be used for this money making scheme...

>
>6. Moncef Belyamani
>115 S. Piedmont Ave.
>Charlottesville, VA 22903

CROW: But really being used for hate mail, and mail-bombs...

>
>7. Jason Fournier
>232 Hamilton Hall
>University Park, PA 16802

MIKE: And other deservingly mean things to happen to them...

>
>8. Bobby Joyce
>1920 Greenbrier Road
>Lebanon, OH 45036

TOM: To find out what happens when people stop being serious...

>
>9. N. Opperman
>9765 SW Hall Blvd. Ste 41
>Tigard, OR 97223

CROW: And start getting goofy...

>
>10. R.L. Terrell
>2011 1/2 Arapahoe
>Boulder, CO 80302

MIKE: The Fake Quick Cash World... Internet!

>
>

TOM: Hehehe, that went well.
CROW: Yeah. Good one, Mike.

>The following letter were written by participating members in this program:

CROW: You mean everyone in the program wrote this one letter?

>
>To whom it may concern:

TOM: Hopefully not us.

>
> About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. I
>ignored it.

ALL: YAY!

> I received about five more of the same letter with in the next
>two weeks. I ignored them also.

ALL: YAAAY!!!

> Of course, I was tempted to follow
>through and dreamed of making thousands, but I was convinced it was just
>another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was wrong!

ALL: DOH!

> About three
>weeks later I say this same letter posted on a local bulletin board in
>Montreal.

ALL: This same letter posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal.

> I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer.

CROW: EWWW! Is that legal?
MIKE: CROW! Don't!

> I didn't
>expect much because I fugured, if other people were as skeptical as I, they
>wouldn't be too quick to part with five dollars.

CROW: If only that were true.

> But, I buy lottery
>tickets weekly in my province and have nothing to show for it but ticket
>stubs. This week I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery purchase.

TOM: And now the only thing to show is a bad taste in the mouth from licking
stamps.

>I addressed the envelopes and mailed out one dollar in each as directed.
>Two weeks went by and I didn't receive anything in the mail.

MIKE: Told ya it wouldn't work.

>The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened! I

TOM: Dust was collecting on me.

>can't say I received $50,000,

CROW: And I can't say I received $1, either.

> but it was definitely well over $35,000!

ALL: Oh SUUUUUURE!

>For the first time in ten years, I got out of debt. It was great. Of
>course, it didn't take me long to go through my earnings

TOM: You know, you can't go long with only 50 cents in your pocket.

> so I am using
>this excellent money opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and
>get ready to enjoy.

CROW: Wasting your life away with money-making schemes that don't work.

>
>Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed letter so
>together we can convince people who are skeptical that it really works!

MIKE: Make that about 10 billion times they've said that it works, in this
post.

>Good Luck,

ALL: SHUT UP!

>
>Charles Kust

CROW: Now Charlie, you know it's not nice to cuss.
[Mike and Tom look at each other shaking their heads in disgust over that
joke.]

>St Agathe Que.
>
>
>
>Additional Notes:

TOM: There's more??

>
> This system works equally well if mailed out manually. Mind you it
>takes more effort to hand address the envelopes and the cost goes up
>proportionately to cover the postage and envelopes. You must also photo
>copy the instructions, cross out the name in number one position, write in
>your name in the number ten slot and change the rest of the numbers
>accordingly. (It might be neater to use white out or saste over the
>names)

CROW: WHEW! That does take too much effort... Not.

>
>
>Another Letter:
>
>I was working the grave yard shift at the hospital administration office
>and was bored to tears.

MIKE:[choked up.] I.. feel the same way.. reading this.. post.

> I saw this letter laying on my desk from the
>provious shift. I had nothing better to do so I figured, Why not?

TOM: Oh COME ON!!!

> I ran
>off over 100 copies on the office copier. I found some blank envelopes
>in a desk drawer and began to hand write the addresses from the telephone
>book. I borrowed the postage meter and stamped the envelopes.

CROW: This money making service MAY be legal, but stealing supplies from
a hospital ISN'T.

> Carefully I
>stuffed the envelopes not forgetting to put in the five one dollar bills to
>the first five names.

MIKE: Nooo, we wouldn't want to forget THAT, would we?

> I put the entire lot in the mail bag. Total time
>from start to finish was three and one half hours which included several
>short stops to answer the telephone and fill out an admission slip.

CROW:[Man] Uh, excuse me.. Nurse? Nurse???
TOM:[Nurse] Don't bother me, I'm busy.
CROW:[Man] But nurse, I need to see a doctor!
TOM:[Nurse] Oh can't you see I'm busy filling out letters??
CROW:[Man] But I've been shot!
TOM:[Nurse] I'm TRYING to make money here, can't you see that??
CROW:[Man] But I'm bleeding to death!
TOM:[Nurse] I said I'm BUSY! Can't you wait?
CROW:[Man] But please.. Ugh! Ohhhhh...
TOM:[Nurse] Ok, I'm finished. How can I help you? Sir? Sir??? Oops!

> Total
>cost to me $5.00. forty two days later I gave notice to my employer and I
>will never have to work the night shift again.

MIKE: Why?? Because you were FIRED!

>
>Peggy Lou G.

CROW:[singing] Peggy Lou... Peggy Lou... Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty,
Peggy Lou...

>Scottsdale Arizona
>
>P.S. I make a nice size donation to the hospital building fund. I figured
>it was the least I could do for the use of the postage and office supplies.

TOM:[Peggy] And all of those people dying while I was making out those
letters.

>
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------- >PLEASE don't pass up this AMAZING
opportunity!!! Send away NOW for the >answers to ALL your dreams

>Luck Happens when Preparation meets Opportunity!!!!!!!!
>

MIKE: Great, it's over. Let's go..[Mike picks up Tom.] I wonder how many
times they really said something to the line of this really works?
TOM: Yeah.. Well, I'm wondering how many people died while Peggy was making
out those letters.
[Mike and the bots leave the theater.]

[1...2...3...4...5...6...7...]

[SOL]
[Mike and the bots are standing behind the desk. Letters and envelopes are
all over the place. Crow is writing.]

MIKE: Hey Crow, what's with all of these letters? [Mike looks around.]
CROW: Well, since they kept saying that it worked, over and over. I decided
to give it a shot.
MIKE:[picks up a letter. Reads.] To Mike Nelson?? Crooow.. Remember, I saw
the post too. You really think I'd fall for it?
TOM: Heh, and there's one with my name. Crow, you are so gullible.
CROW: Well..[Gypsy comes on screen.]
GYPSY: More letters! [Opens her mouth and letters drop out.]
MIKE: If you needed a few dollars, all you had to do was ask me.
TOM: Yeah, and suppose this DID work. Where would you spend it?
CROW: Well...
MIKE: Let's clean up this mess, and I'll give you a couple of dollars. What
do you think, Sirs? [Mike taps Mads light.]

[D13]
[Frank's head is on the desk. A letter is beside his head.]
FRANK: Hey Dr. Forrester! I got one of those Quick Cash letters!
DR.F: [Dr.F comes on screen.] Will you ever learn? [Crumbles the letter and
stuffs it in Frank's mouth.] Until next time...
[Dr.F pushes the button.]

[Ending Credits]

directed by Claye Hodge
written by Claye Hodge

music by Claye Hodge
additional music composed and arranged by Claye Hodge
wrestling ring provided by World Wrestling Federation (tm)

Special Thanks

RATM Posters Everywhere
Teachers of America
mis...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu

edited in SHADOWAMMA!!!

THE END

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1995 by Best Brains Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Use of copyrighted or trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only. No infringement on original copyrights or trademarks held by Best
Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. This represents how the
MiSTer feels about Quick Cash, and other Making Money ideas. In no way
should you use this MiSTing to decide your position on how to Make Money.
Although I do think Peggy needs to see a psychiatrist... just kidding.

>laid off and my unemployment checks had run out. The only escape I had
>from the pressure of failure was my apple computer and my modem. I longed

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's remember those unfortunate people at the hospital, where she worked
at. :)

Claye Hodge

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