[MSTing] End of Mobius, Part 1 (4 of 6)
Shay Caron
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"End of Mobius, Part 1", by Dave Bulmer
MSTing by Shay Caron (glee...@aol.com)
http://protection.keenspace.com/
Part 4 of 6
[ Satellite of Love. Crow is sitting cross-legged on the counter, with a
towel wrapped around his net. ]
CROW: Ssh! That's not important now!
[ Mike and Tom enter the room. ]
MIKE: Crow, I was just wondering how you got all that purple marker off...
CROW: I have become a powerful seer and psychic predictor of the future!
TOM: What in the world is going on here?
CROW: Absolutely! A maximum of thirty minutes *into* the future, though.
MIKE: So you say you can predict the future?
CROW: I would be *happy* to give you a short reading!
TOM: Then why don't you give us a--STOP DOING THAT!!
CROW: Geez, sorry!
MIKE: So you're going to tell us what will happen to us in the future?
CROW: Yup! Mike, look out for that steel bear trap!
MIKE: [ takes a step and jumps ] Yeouch!!
CROW: Oooh, tough luck. I also see a bucket of paint on a door and a trick
periscope in your future.
MIKE: Owwww. I'm gonna go get Gypsy to pull this off. [ limps away ]
TOM: Um, what about my future?
CROW: Let me see...
TOM: Yeah?
CROW: I see an axe falling from the sky...
TOM: Uh-huh...
CROW: ...a cloud of killer bees...
TOM: Ri-i-ight...
CROW: ...and lots of pain.
TOM: Got it. [ a "twang" noise ] Aaaaaaaaahhh!! [ flies off-screen, pursued
by an axe and a really fake-looking cloud of bees ]
CROW: Well. Anyway, now I sense... we are about to receive a call from Pearl.
[ Indeed, the Mads Sign flashes. ] All right! Er, uh, I mean, um, I knew
that would happen. [ taps the sign with his beak; the towel falls off ]
Oh, pretty good. And you?
[ Castle Forrester. Pearl stands in front of a large curtain that has a bunch
of pukey-cute flowers and bunnies on it. ]
PEARL: Heeey, how's it going, Art? [ pause; Pearl starts to look discomfited ]
Riiiiiight. Well, since *somebody* killed off all of my genetically-
engineered Flying Death Guppies, we've had to move to plan B for taking
over the known universe for today. [ Pearl dramatically sweeps the
curtain back, revealing a pile of disconnected gears, bolts, chains,
and plates of metal. ] BEHOLD, the Phantasmagoriatron Deluxe! This
fiendishly clever device will cause nightmares in every sleeping person
within a hundred miles! All I need to do is move it into place near the
United Nations building, or, for maximum effect, circle the planet with
it, keeping... What? [ turns around and sees the pile of junk ] Aaaahh!
My beautiful Phantasmagoriatron Deluxe! [ Slowly walking over to the
pile, Pearl gingerly picks up a wrench from the wreckage. ]
[ Observer, fool that he is, chooses this moment to walk in from the left. ]
OBSERVER: [ in a really cheerful mood ] Good morning, madam!
PEARL: Brain Guy!! What the hell happened to my Phantasmagoriatron Deluxe?!
OBSERVER: Oh, is *that* what that thing was? I needed a few spare parts to fix
the VCR before tonight's "Whose Line" marathon, so I--
PEARL: [ plunges the wrench into Observer's brain, who shouts and writhes ]
Idiot!! Now how am I going to give the populace of the Earth horrific
nightmares?
OBSERVER: Just, ooh, glaring at them should be sufficient, Pearl. Ohhh, my
poor abused frontal lobe. [ slowly totters off stage right ]
PEARL: Just do something about my precious device, you pathetic load. [ glares
at the screen ] And what are *you* looking at? I have a plan C! And
plans D through H, if necessary! I *will* take over the world! I *WILL*
take over the world! [ sighs, snaps her fingers ] Bobo, bring me a bag
of chocolate chips and turn on the soaps immediately!
BOBO: [ from off-screen ] Coming!
[ SOL ]
CROW: Ommm...
MIKE: [ from off-screen ] Aaaargh! [ splash ] Croooooow!
CROW: Whaaaaaat?
MIKE: [ limps in, coated with paint Crow's color ] You set us *up*, didn't
you?!
CROW: I would never--
TOM: [ enters, covered in red lumps ] Yeah! Admit it!
CROW: How could you think that? It's not true!
GYPSY: [ from off-screen ] Lie!
CROW: [ sigh ] I predict you don't believe me.
MIKE: Nope.
TOM: Not one bit.
CROW: And thus end my psychic predictions. [ pause ] I knew I would say that.
[ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ]
MIKE: Ohhhh, we've got Sign of Mobius!!
CROW: I knew *that*, too.
[ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ]
[ Everyone enters the theater. ]
CROW: You're welcome.
MIKE: Oh, and thanks for the reading.
CROW: Heeeeey!
TOM: That was sarcasm, idiot.
> 2
CROW: [ snickers ] I just laugh every time I see those two words.
MIKE: Huh?
TOM: What?
> Death Egg
MIKE: [ sigh ] It's going to be a long, confusing segment.
TOM: When isn't it?
> Robotnik leaned to the left as he yanked the Eggomatic's
> joystick as far as it would go. The Eggomatic spun round to face the
> forest, where the Freedom Fighters were fleeing to Knothole HQ.
TOM: [ random Freedom Fighter ] Over here, Robotnik! This way to Knothole
Headquarters!
> Of
> course they all knew it could give away the location of their secret
> base, but
CROW: Don't ask me. *You're* the author.
> if they could get through the log before Robotnik caught up
> then they would be safely hidden, wouldn't they?
> Robotnik grinned and hit the keyboard.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] E-mail bomb away!
> "This way," Sonic called, suddenly changing direction. He
> couldn't risk letting Robotnik find Knothole. He wanted to throw his
> sense of direction as far out of the window as possible.
CROW: So somebody ripped air?
> Suddenly the whole gang screeched to a halt as the air in front
> of them was torn apart. Inside the abyss they could see swirling
> patterns and shapes. But when a face appeared in the vortex
TOM: "Boo! Gotcha!"
> and the
> familiar golden frame formed around the outside of it, the Freedom
> Fighters recognised it at once as the Omni-Viewer. The Omni-Viewer, an
> omni present screen,
MIKE: Really kinda sucks.
> could control time and space to his will. Acting as
> the perfect mode of transport for the Chaotix Crew, Omni had worked for
> them for years.
MIKE: And he's still getting minimum wage.
> All four members of the Chaotix Crew fell out of the screen and
> landed on the bristly forest floor with a crash. The Chaotix Crew,
> guardians of
CROW: Which makes quite a bit of sense, when you think about it.
> the Confusion Universe, the Universe once confused
TOM: And as products of said universe, the Chaotix Crew...
MIKE: It's only confused because it won't stop and ask for directions.
> with a
> small warp, were made of Vector the Crocodile
MIKE: What's *his* power?
TOM: Um, I think his power is that he has a tape player.
MIKE: Like Dave in Safe Havens?
> who was
CROW: Uhhhhh...
> very good with the
> tools he kept in his belt, Mighty the Armadillo the fighter,
MIKE: The butcher the baker the candlestick maker.
> Espio the
> Chameleon
CROW: One minute he's middle class, the next he's royalty.
> who could blend in with any background and thus made a good
TOM: English muffin.
> spy, and last and debatably least Charmy Bee.
CROW: [ sarcasm sequencer ] Oh, for a *change*?
> Who was annoying.
MIKE: Our comic relief has arrived!
TOM: Just send him in to talk to Robotnik until he takes his *own* life.
> "Chaotix?" Sonic said as they tried to stand up. "But I thought
> you guys only turn up when someone's in great danger in your Confusion
> Universe!"
CROW: [ Vector ] Our C++ program had a bunch of errors.
> "We made an exception this time," Vector replied gravely.
TOM: He's Death!
> "Your
> whole planet's in great danger. Robotnik isn't fooling around any more.
MIKE: [ Vector ] Well, *sure*, there's the striped outfit and the hat with
bells on, but *other* than that...
> Listen, we don't have much time before Omni has to return to the Special
> Zone.
CROW: We could have guessed that.
> There's something wrong with him. His run time is becoming
> increasingly short..."
TOM: He's got run time envy.
MIKE: [ Vector ] He keeps downloading the I LOVE YOU bug repeatedly...
> "LOOK OUT!" Porker Lewis screamed, pointing to something behind
> the rest of the gang.
CROW: Ah, Grandpa tried to light the gas fireplace, looks like.
> They looked down just in time to see flames spring
> upwards around the trees. Robotnik's Eggomatic crashed through the
> forest,
TOM: [ Robotnik ] Oops.
> pouring what looked like lava from the tank in the bottom of the
> 'Matic.
MIKE: Ohhh, backwash!
> The whole of the forest behind him was being destroyed. The
> speaker in the front of the Eggomatic crackled into life.
> "There's nowhere to go, Freedom Fighters! If you try to hide
CROW: You know, I get the feeling that he'd really just do that anyway.
> I'll be forced to destroy the whole of Greenhill Forest!
MIKE: Why, Crow! You're so *cynical* all of a sudden!
TOM: But how do you really feel?
> Bwaa-ha-ha-
> haa!"
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Oh, I remember that time Scratch fell into the volcano.
That was a hoot!
> "Quick," Knuckles cried, falling to his knees as the raving
> Doctor sped towards them.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] I guess you really had to be there.
> "Somebody help me!" He hit the ground with
> just enough force to get his sharp knuckles lodged, then he began to
> tear clods of earth out of the ground. Being a natural tunneller, Johnny
> Lightfoot helped Knuckles dig.
CROW: Y'know, wouldn't now be a good time for you to *do* something?!
> Vector watched as Robotnik sped towards
> them, the lava flowing still from the base of the Eggomatic.
> "Chaotix, let's move!" Espio cried,
TOM: Fall in!
MIKE: Yeow! Ow! Aaa! Ouch!
TOM: Not into the *lava*!
> jumping from foot to foot as
> the ground got hotter. The tunnel Knuckles and Johnny were digging was
> getting deeper now. Pushing them aside, Mighty gave the ground inside
> the tunnel a hard thump.
MIKE: [ Mighty ] This'll teach it!
CROW: He caved in some poor mole's home!
> There was a slight rumbling sound from
> underground somewhere, and the soil and dirt began to crumble. Knuckles
> began to dig again, and this time the earth came away easily.
TOM: [ Knuckles ] Ah, thanks for... packing the earth... together for me...
> The
> Freedom Fighters jumped into the tunnel and helped to dig further, as
> the lava began to heat up the ground. Amy Rose looked behind her to see
> a few drops of lava
MIKE: I have a hard time envisioning "drops" of lava.
TOM: Think of the eyedropper you'd need!
> spill into the entrance to the tunnel and burn right
> through the ground, leaving thin, deep pits. She could see nothing but
> flames outside the entrance. The Omni-Viewer flew into the tunnel.
> "Omni!" Charmy exclaimed. "Boy, am I glad to see you! Why, you
> can fly us outta here
CROW: Ollie-ollie-oxen-free.
> before we can say
CROW: Anyway, it's supposed to be "bum".
> whoops-diddley! There goes my
> behind!"
MIKE: The hell?!
TOM: "Whoops-diddley, there goes my behind"?!
MIKE: Okay, low-quality comic relief.
> But the Omni-Viewer didn't reply.
MIKE: [ Omni-Viewer ] Look, will you just shut up?
> His face slowly faded from
> the screen and the words '97% POWER FALIURE - SWITCHING TO OFFLINE MODE'
> appeared in its place.
CROW: [ Charmy ] Oh man, what'd I do?
> The screen slowly shrank to the size of Charmy's
> hand. Peering into the screen Charmy could just see lists of functions
> that had failed rushing past. Communication was one of them.
MIKE: Communication has failed?
TOM: That's why Omni-Viewer isn't married.
> "Great! Now
> we can't even talk to him! Oh well, it was great knowin' you guys! I
> loved my time as a Chaotix member...
CROW: I do *not* want to hear about it!
> Hey, you remember when we..."
> "Shut it, Charmy," Vector snapped. A few more lava drops fell
> into the tunnel and burned away the floor. Suddenly, the whole tunnel
> fell into darkness.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Tails, for the last time, stay AWAY from the light switch!
> Doctor Robotnik chuckled as he spilled the lava over the forest.
> There was an earth shaking slam as trees crashed to the ground around
> him, smashing great dents in the ground as they fell.
CROW: [ Robotnik ] Let me see... Up, up, down, down, left, right, left,
right...
> Robotnik pushed
> the Eggomatic's joystick forwards, and the craft moved over the tunnel
> the Freedom Fighters were digging. Just as the lava was about to pour
> inside,
TOM: The mighty hand of God reached down...
> a nearby tree gave way and fell, covering the entrance to the
> tunnel.
> "Curses!" Robotnik bawled. He was about to pour his lava over
> the tree,
CROW: Telemarketing!
> but then he thought of an even better way to do away with the
> Freedom Team.
CROW: 27.
> "Metallix B/3-9, report to me immediately!"
MIKE: So if B/3-9 equals zero, solve for B.
TOM: Aaugh! Algebra flashback!
MIKE: You never took algebra.
TOM: Oh. Right.
> Within seconds
> the Metallix on the beach had arrived, unaffected by the extreme heat.
TOM: Well, except that its arms and legs melted.
> Robotnik pointed to the ground near the fallen tree. "Flush them out,"
> he ordered,
CROW: A flush toilet, oddly enough.
> tapping a few commands into a hand-held device that
> resembled
MIKE: Richard Nixon.
> a remote control.
> The Metallix plunged his
TOM: Chest.
> hand into the ground, which began to
> vibrate. The whole Metallix started to shake, and soon the ground with
> it.
CROW: So the Metallix rates on the Richter scale?
> More trees fell and the lava poured into cracks in the ground, as a
> full-scale earthquake began to spread across South Island.
> Inside the tunnel, Knuckles, Johnny and Sonic were digging,
> while Mighty hit the tunnel wall every now and again to soften it up.
MIKE: [ Mighty ] Yo, youse is gonna tell us what you know or else!
CROW: [ earth ] Oh, baby...
> As
> they dug they could feel the ground moving on all sides, and the earth
> was getting hotter and hotter. The remaining Fighters who weren't
> digging were trying desperately to hold the ceiling up,
TOM: [ Fighters ] This is a stick-up! Hand over...
> and were
> gritting their teeth in pain from the heat as the lava seeped into the
> ground and moved closer to their tunnel.
CROW: I think I felt the earth move.
> After many minutes of digging, the heat had grown less intense
> and the shaking had almost stopped. The diggers decided to start to make
> their way upwards. They popped out of the ground on a large hill.
MIKE: It was called the Great Hill.
> Sonic
> ran to the top of the hill and looked out at the blazing inferno that
> once was the Great Forest. Now all that was left of the Forest and
> Knothole was flames and destruction.
TOM: Man, alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog has gone down the tubes!
> The whole of the Greenhill Zone was
> moving in the distance. It was a terrible sight to witness. It was as if
> the whole of Greenhill and the zones surrounding it were made of water,
> rippling this way and that.
MIKE: Whenever I make a bonfire, I always like to look at my friends over it
and make faces.
TOM: We should do that some time.
> He could see houses collapsing and people
> running around like ants among the terror, but he could hear nothing but
> a distant rumbling.
CROW: I'm trying to register shock... I'm sorry, it's just not happening.
> They'd really screwed up this time.
MIKE: It was worse than that time when they dropped the toaster in the
bathtub.
TOM: Even worse than when they bridged the gap between dimensions and
summoned Cthulhu into their world.
> "What do we do?" Sally said quietly, joining Sonic at the top of
> the hill along with the other Fighters. "Everything's destroyed!"
MIKE, TOM: Fire sale!
> "We can only hope for the best. We'd better go back to Knothole
> and see if everyone's okay," Sonic replied.
CROW: Collect *all* the Plug-Ins...
> "Try and salvage anything we
> can from the Glade. Then we'd better start thinking about finding a new
> place to live..."
> As the gang set off, Sonic noticed two small shapes fly away
> from Greenhill Forest and down out of sight.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Why, it's Batman and Robin! They'll save us!
> Robotnik and the Metallix
> had got away unharmed.
>
TOM: I feel a strange sense of depression. [ sniff sniff ] No, sorry, just my
deodorant giving out.
CROW: [ Mighty ] Sorry, that was me. Won't happen again.
> "Hey," Charmy said after a while, "is it just little ol' me or
> is there a weird noise around here?"
> "Yeah," Vector replied. "So shut up and maybe we won't have to
> put up with it any more."
TOM: Ah ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha, ha.
> "No, really," Charmy persisted. "Listen..."
MIKE: [ Charmy, slowly ] Shave... and a... haircut?
> Before he could continue, the ground in front of them collapsed.
TOM: [ sobbing ] I give up! I'll tell you everything!
> A Metallix burst out of the ground, his hand spinning rapidly, followed
> by the entire army of Evilnik Troopers. Sonic could tell it was a new
> Metallix because its chest
MIKE: Yeah, there goes Sonic, admiring the robots' chests.
TOM: I'm surprised Sally puts up with it.
> light had obviously never been harmed. It
> landed on the floor behind the collapsed area, and waited as the
> Troopers marched out of the ground towards the Freedom Team.
CROW: Not that Sonic and Knuckles have a problem with this.
> There
> wasn't any time to think.
> "CHAAARRRGGEEE!!!" Knuckles cried, and leapt at the Evilniks.
CROW: Plus they melted the Taco Bell.
> His home and the home of his friends had been destroyed, and hundreds of
> lives must have been lost in the process of destroying the Greenhill
> Zone. He was angry with a capital 'angry'.
TOM: He was angstrom with a capital "angst".
> As the Troopers approached, Sonic and Knuckles both began
> barking out commands at the same time. The Fighters just had to try and
> follow whatever they could hear.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Sally, jump to the left!
TOM: [ Mighty ] Jump to the left! Got it!
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] Espio, behind you!
TOM: [ Bunnie ] Behind me? Eek!
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Tails, duck!
TOM: [ Johnny ] Where's the duck?
> Johnny Lightfoot looked frantically around him. He was
> surrounded by a ring of Troopers. Holding out his metal staff in front
> of him
CROW: And got *really* hot.
> he performed a 360° spin, taking out each Evilnik in the ring
> with the end of his staff.
TOM: You know, a Lightfoot's staff has a knob on the end.
MIKE: That is endlessly fascinating, Thomas.
> From somewhere among the debris he heard a
> familiar cough. Strange, the SBS Troopers didn't usually contain
> 'organic batteries', and none of the Evilniks he'd seen so far did.
TOM: Well, besides this one.
> Reaching down into the smashed scraps he found a hand and pulled,
> helping the figure to its feet. Two friendly eyes stared up at Johnny,
> and a wide grin spread across the fox's face.
CROW: [ Johnny ] Not him again!
> "Johnny!" Tails jumped up and down in his excitement. "Boy, am I
> glad to see you! I've been trapped inside that thing for hours! It was
> eating away at my life, Johnny, you couldn't possibly understand what it
> feels like!
MIKE: [ Johnny ] Does it feel like getting stuck in the middle of a really big
traffic jam?
TOM: [ Tails ] Um, well...
MIKE: [ Johnny ] And getting out into a huge crowd and hardly being able to
squeeze through to where you're going?
TOM: [ Tails ] ...sorta...
> It's as if your whole body's gone numb, and you can't do
> anything about it because
CROW: This whole "organic battery" concept is *really* dirty.
> you're crammed inside a tiny space in an
> really uncomfortable position, and you can't see a thing, and your
> skin's catching inside the metal working parts,
TOM: [ Tails ] It's all the staples they use to hold you in.
> and you're falling
> asleep but you can't actually fall asleep, and all the time you know
> you're trying to kill your best friends..." Suddenly, every ounce of
> gladness drained from Tails' face.
CROW: [ Tails ] Not him again!
> "SONIC!"
> Johnny spun round to see that one of the Evilniks had Sonic by
> the ankles and was kneeling down, lifting Sonic increasingly higher.
MIKE: Oh, no, when Sonic is lifted off of the ground, he loses his titanic
strength!
TOM: [ singing ] The cir-cllle of liiiiife...
> Johnny lashed out his staff and Sonic grabbed it. Johnny pulled Sonic
> away just in time as the Evilnik Troopers slammed its arms to the ground
> in an attempt to kill Sonic.
TOM: And this somehow causes it to self-destruct, right?
CROW: [ explosions ] La la la, tra la la...
> Small explosions danced up the robot's arms
> until they reached its body, destroying it and all the Troopers around
> it at the same time.
MIKE: Man, these things are *freakishly* unstable!
> Still the Metallix wasn't put off, and its chest
> light flashed.
CROW: [ high-pitched voice ] I must run away!
> The one remaining Trooper ran away into the distance at a
> rapid pace, its long legs giving it extra speed.
TOM: [ Trooper ] Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, heeeeeelp!!
> The Metallix flew towards Sonic and hit him in the chest. Sonic
> staggered backwards and the Metallix kicked him hard in the leg. Sonic
> tried to run but fell on his bad leg.
MIKE: Which had spikes all along it.
> Letting out a yelp of pain, Sonic
> watched the Metallix hover over him, the cut its engines.
MIKE: Aw, man, the Metallix dropped its engines on him!
> As the
> Metallix landed feet first on Sonic's chest, Sonic began to lose
> consciousness. All he was aware of was a throbbing pain in his chest and
> legs.
CROW: Oh, looks like Sonic's unconscious now.
> Then, with one final metal shoes-shaped pain in his jaw, Sonic
> blacked out.
TOM: Yep, looks like.
> Knuckles drove his knuckles into the Metallix's back. The Badnik
> spun round to face Knuckles, who was thrown behind the Metallix until
> his knuckles came loose and he fell to the ground.
CROW: That's one potent...
> The Metallix let off
> a burst of energy
MIKE: Whoa!
> into Amy Rose's chest.
TOM: Thank you, that'll be enough!
> She flew backwards and was
> caught by Johnny. Luckily the Metallix hadn't had time to power up, and
> so Amy wasn't badly hurt.
MIKE: Her bones were just all broken by the fall.
> Just as the Metallix was about to strike again, he stopped. The
> Eggomatic was approaching, its demolition ball already swinging.
CROW: Heeey, he's unconscious!
> Sonic
> had to duck out of the way of the mighty wrecking ball as it swung past
> his head. Tails jumped into the air and began to spin his tails, then
> grabbed Sonic's hands and lifted him up above the Eggomatic. Sonic came
> to just above the Eggomatic,
TOM: Oh, *now* he wakes up *again*?
> and knew Tails' plan instantly. He jerked
> his wrist slightly indicating to Tails that he should let go now. Tails
MIKE: Misinterpreted the signal as meaning "go lower" and scraped Sonic along
the ground for about thirty feet.
> dropped Sonic, who curled up in mid-fall and smashed into the
> Eggomatic's glass screen.
CROW: You see, steel on the planet Mobius is made up mainly of gelatin.
> The force shook a piece of the Eggomatic away,
> which exploded on the ground.
> "Accursed hedgehog!" Robotnik screamed.
TOM: [ Robotnik ] Pharisaic tax-collector!
> "My primary engine!
> Transfer to emergency backup power," he barked into a small microphone.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] And bring me some dog biscuits!
> "Metallix B/3-4, retreat to Headquarters and activate plan 'B'!" He
> turned the Eggomatic round and the two of them flew away, over the
> hills.
TOM: Why do plans always have to be denoted with simple letters? Why doesn't
the villain shout out, "Activate plan 98T14QH"?
MIKE: Not all humans have your memory, Tom. In fact, no humans have your
memory, Tom.
TOM: Damn straight. What was I saying?
MIKE: How should I know?
> "Shall we follow them?" Sonic asked.
> "No," Knuckles replied, wearily. "Our main task right now is
> helping the Greenhill folk."
> "I need a rest," Amy sighed, sitting down on a rock.
CROW: Cool, she's radioactive! I hope she grows a tentacle for a left arm.
> Her T-shirt
> was still glowing slightly from the Metallix's energy beam.
> "Johnny, you stay with Amy, the rest of us'll go and sort things
> out in Greenhill," Sonic decided. Knuckles nodded and set off in the
> direction of the Greenhill Zone.
TOM: Well, of course he doesn't ask for directions...
> About halfway there, they were stopped. Amy and Johnny had run
> after them, yelling something about a shadow. Sonic turned to face them
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Now you must face me in a fight to the death!
> "What are you talking about?" he asked as they caught up.
> "Look," Johnny cried, pointing to the spot where they had been
> sitting.
CROW: Oh no, a piano's falling on them!
> The spot was a lot shadier than before. "Yeah, so what? A
> little shade never did anyone any harm..." But before he could finish,
TOM: Sounds like he did to me.
> the whole area grew dark. A huge shadow was moving across the plains.
> Looking up into the sky the Freedom Fighters could just make out the
> shape of the thing that was blocking the sun. Knuckles jumped to
> attention. It was Angel Island.
MIKE: Hey, look, it's plan 'B'! [ waves ] How ya doin', plan 'B'? Nice to see
you.
> The Floating Island was being pulled through the sky by one of
> Robotnik's ships. As it moved, it slowly sank towards Mobius.
CROW: Unless the ship, um, moves down?
> The Team
> knew it would never collide, as it was firmly attached to the ship, but
> Knuckles couldn't help but wonder why it was sinking. Something must
> have happened to the Master Emerald.
TOM: It just handed in its two weeks' notice...
> He was right. Another Metallix flew over the horizon clutching
> the Master Emerald, and made its way towards the sea, the ship, and the
> Floating Island.
MIKE: [ Metallix ] Neener neener neener, I've got the Emerald...
>
> "Come on," Sonic shouted to the gang, "we've got to stop..."
> "Oh-no! This is bad," Charmy Bee exclaimed, looking at the tiny
> Omni-Viewer in his hand. "This is bad-diddle-addy-dad-bad!"
MIKE: Soooo... "annoying".
TOM: Yup.
> "What??" Vector groaned, snatching the Viewer out of Charmy's
> grasp. On the small screen were the words
CROW: Well, stop counting. Maybe you can save a few extra seconds.
> 'TOTAL SYSTEM SHUTDOWN IN 7
> SECONDS AND COUNTING. 6 SECONDS AND COUNTING'. "Uh-oh. Switch to full-
> screen." The Omni Viewer grew to its normal size, but it was almost
> completely transparent.
TOM: I can see *right* through you, Omni!
> "Let's hope he's got enough power left in him for one more
> teleport," Mighty said, knocking on the screen's frame.
MIKE: [ Omni ] Ow.
> Omni's face
> appeared on the screen, which instantly became even more translucent.
MIKE: [ Omni ] What the hell do you want now?
> "Omni, quickly, take us back to Chaotix HQ," Espio ordered, and
> leapt into the screen, followed by Mighty and Charmy.
> "Wait!" Sonic called after them.
CROW: [ Vector ] Watch us, punk!
> "You can't just leave us here
> in a situation like this!"
> "Sorry Sonic," Vector said, jumping into the screen, "we haven't
> got any more ti..."
CROW: [ Omni ] Oops.
> The Omni-Viewer vanished, along with the words:
> 'TOTAL SYSTEM SHUTDOWN' Thin, blue strands of electricity traced the
> outline of where the Omni-Viewer had been.
> "I wonder why Omni can't stay on-line for very long now?" Johnny
> said, reaching out to touch the area where it had been and feeling
> nothing.
MIKE: I wonder why the sun comes up in the morning instead of at night.
TOM: I wonder why we have Daylight Savings Time.
MIKE: I wonder why people are so afraid of spiders.
TOM: I wonder why someone came up with Spam.
MIKE: I wonder why my remote is always in a different place every day.
TOM: Oh, that's my fault.
> "Forget about that," Knuckles snapped. "Robotnik's stolen my
> Island and my Master Emerald! Remember, that's what he used to power his
> Death Egg before!" He turned to face everyone but Sonic.
CROW: Get the CD-ROM burner.
> "We'll need
> some backup. You guys go and find as much help as you can from the
> Greenhill Zone. Me and Sonic'll try to fight Robotnik until you get
> back."
> "Knuckles, are you crazy?" Sonic clapped his hand down on
> Knuckles' shoulder and spun him round
TOM: And round, and round, and round...
MIKE: [ whoosh whoosh whoosh ]
> until they were eye-to-eye. "We
> have absolutely zero percent chance of making any difference alone.
> Robotnik's got the Floating Island, he's stolen the Master Emerald, he's
> gonna relaunch the Death Egg again and
TOM: [ Sonic ] I can't do a *thing* with my hair!!
> who knows how many more Evilniks
> and Metallix's he has! How can we do anything?"
> "But at least we can keep them on their toes for a while until
> the others come back with some reinforcements.
CROW: [ Knuckles ] You make him hot.
> You're the guy Robotnik
> wants. You're most likely to keep him watching. Me, I have to be with my
> Island. I was the one chosen to protect both the Floating Island and the
> Master Emerald."
MIKE: Y'know, when you think about it, destiny really kinda sucks.
CROW: I wanna choose to be Kim Catrall's destined husband.
TOM: If only you could Choose Your Destiny.
> Sonic sighed and nodded, understanding Knuckles' concern.
> Robotnik and Angel Island had flown away across the sea, so as they all
> split up Sonic and Knuckles made their way towards North Beach again.
TOM: [ Sonic ] Back and forth, back and forth. Our job stinks.
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] It's not my day to watch Robotnik!
TOM: [ Sonic ] Ha ha! You kill me.
> Little did they know that a few Scoutbots had seen them and were
> following, and had been joined by more and more Scoutbots as they went.
TOM: [ pause; then suddenly ] Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!!!
> On North Beach a small group of downcast Freedom Fighters were
> clearing up the Scoutbot remains from the last battle,
CROW: All that work for Cindy Crawford's mole?
> in a desperate
> attempt to preserve what they could of South Island's beauty spots.
> Looking up at Sonic and Knuckles they looked slightly afraid, and stood
> ready to fight.
MIKE: [ Freedom Fighters ] We'll beat you down!
TOM: [ Sonic ] No, no, fight the evil robots!
> Sonic and Knuckles spun round to see the vast army of Scoutbots
> that had arrived behind them.
MIKE, TOM: [ various random screams of terror ] We're gonna die!
> There had to be at least three hundred of
> them, of all shapes and sizes. Almost every different kind the heroes
> had encountered before.
> "Do we attack?" Knuckles whispered.
CROW: Oh, just move your king's pawn two squares. The beginning isn't *that*
big a deal.
> The Scoutbots weren't
> moving; they were obviously waiting for someone to make the first move.
> "Okay, but I don't know what we can do to them without Porker's
TOM: Chest.
> Megacannonik," Sonic replied. "There's hundreds of them!"
> Knuckles didn't care.
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] What-*ever*.
> He ran forwards and leapt into the air,
> pointing his fists down at two Scoutbots below him.
CROW: Perhaps storing nitroglycerin in their chests was a *bad* idea?
> As his knuckles
> punctured their armour, the Badniks exploded. Sonic jumped into a spin-
> attack, bouncing off each Badnik Scoutbot and destroying it in the
> process. The other Freedom Fighters on the beach helped. Soon one
> hundred of the Scoutbots were destroyed.
CROW: Yeah, violence in the media really *is* affecting us.
TOM: I think I've become inured to this horrific display of carnage.
MIKE: Can you use "carnage" for creatures without flesh?
> "This is easy," Sonic observed.
> "A pinch," Knuckles laughed, smashing two more Badniks.
> Suddenly there was a purring sound from somewhere up ahead,
TOM: Kitty!!
> and
> two small darts skimmed gracefully through the air, slicing through two
> Buzz-Bomber Scoutbots, which exploded instantly.
CROW: Freedom Plane? [ snicker ]
> Sonic and Knuckles
> looked up to see the Freedom Plane, piloted by Tails. Porker, Johnny,
> Amy, Sally and Bunnie sat in the plane, Joe Sushi, Tux, Chirps and
> Antoin D'Coolette had arrived on the beach,
MIKE: Do these guys have a contest going for who can make up the most moronic
name?
TOM: My vote is for "Joe Sushi", personally. Though "Chirps" is close.
> as well as the ten or eleven
> already there, then add Sonic and Knuckles made twenty three Freedom
> Fighters against...
> Oh.
MIKE: They'd been fighting windmills the whole time.
> Two hundred Scoutbots.
> Still, numbers alone wouldn't stop the Freedom Team,
TOM: But they'd sure confuse them. "What's ten times three?!"
> and once
> the Freedom Plane had landed they each attacked with their various
> skills and weapons.
CROW: We've said it before, but it still works: Mommy, Mommy, heeeelp!!
> Soon another hundred and seventy were destroyed, and
> the rest were fleeing back to Metropolis.
> "Okay gang," Sonic called to the other Fighters, "you finish off
> those Badniks, leave me and Knuckles with the plane."
CROW: I just noticed how many people here are named after body parts.
> Knuckles walked up to Tails. "You take the gang and meet us in
> the Aquatic Ruin at eighteen hundred hours."
> "We're leaving you in charge, little buddy," Sonic told him.
MIKE: [ Skipper ] The island's named after you, after all, right?
> "Me?!" Tails had always dreamt of taking charge of the Freedom
> Team.
> "Yeah," Sonic said, "but don't... expect us. We may not be
> coming back. If we're not there by nineteen hundred then... well you'll
> have to go without us.
CROW: When in doubt, delegate!
> Then the decision is up to you whether to lead
> the Team by yourself or choose someone else." With that, Sonic and
> Knuckles climbed into the plane, and Knuckles started the engine. Tails
> held up one hand in a wave.
TOM: Everybody do the Wave!
> "Good luck..."
> "You too, little bro, it was nice knowing you," Sonic said
> quietly as the plane took off, his voice hidden by the roar of the
> engine. "All of you."
TOM: And... the plane crashes.
> Angel Island faded into view, still pulled by the menacing,
> black ship.
MIKE: Give us back the Hilda Garde, vandals!
> The Metallix flew after it, level with the Mobian Sea, still
> clutching the gigantic Master Emerald.
CROW: Since the hard drive didn't have enough space left.
> This, the last and largest of the
> Master Emeralds, was Knuckles' only hope of saving the Floating Island,
> which by now was dangling from the cables attaching it to the ship.
> Hardly any of its own power was keeping it in the air. Soon the power
> would wear down completely, and the Island would lose all its gravity.
MIKE: Wait, if it lost its gravity, doesn't that mean it *would* float?
> Everything would come crashing down into the sea.
> Knuckles couldn't let that happen.
TOM: Well, he *could*, technically, but he didn't feel like it.
> "Return that Emerald!" Knuckles yelled, desperate to be heard
> over the sound of the plane's engine.
TOM: [ Metallix ] I should spurn a fat hemmorhoid?
> "Right now!" Sonic shouted from the plane's wing. The Metallix
> looked round for a second,
MIKE: [ Metallix ] I don't *see* any cows!
> but continued its flight path. Shouting
> wasn't going to do any good.
CROW: [ Robotnik ] Napster's just no fun any more.
> Inside his ship, Robotnik tapped at the
> buttons on a small keyboard. The orders floated into the Metallix's
> brain almost instantly, and it pointed the Master Emerald towards the
> cables holding the Floating Island.
> "I think that's sufficient," Robotnik said,
TOM: [ Robotnik ] You just keep pointing.
> his voice booming
> out of a speaker in the Metallix's arm. He didn't need to communicate
> via audio channels, he just thought it would add to the fear it was
> striking on Sonic and Knuckles.
MIKE: Ohh, our psychotic warmonger. I think I'll keep him.
CROW: Handed.
> He was right. "We are now far enough
> into the sea. Now, Metallix. Now."
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Right now. Do you hear me? Now. Are you doing it yet? Now!
> The Metallix's chest light flashed, and threw a beam of power
> into the Master Emerald, which glowed brightly before emitting a pulse
> of its own energy towards the cables that held the Floating Island to
> Robotnik's ship.
CROW: Grabbed a rifle...
> There was a sickening grinding sound as the cables
> warped and bowed, then they snapped, one by one. Knuckles let out a
> scream of rage as Angel Island, his home for most of his life, plummeted
> towards the sea. However, he had expected it to land in the sea and
> drift hopelessly away. He was wrong.
TOM: The pathetic wretch.
> What actually happened was much
> worse.
CROW: Grabbed a rifle...
> Angel Island hit the water with such force, speed and angle that
> it began to crack. Huge, heavy cracks ran across the island's surface
> and then, when the cracks began to meet, the Island was torn apart. Its
> hundreds of fragments began to sink down to the sea bed. Everything was
> gone. Mushroom Valley, the Hidden Palace, the Super Emeralds,
TOM: The Taco Bell, his underwear collection, an autographed photo of Jerry
Lewis...
> everything
> Knuckles had lived for.
> Actually, he was wrong again.
MIKE: Man, this guy is a moron, isn't he?
> The Super Emeralds were quite
> safe.
> Something began to rise over the horizon. A large, dark shape. A
> shape Sonic and Knuckles had encountered too many times before.
TOM: [ ominous tone ] It was a dodecahedron.
[ Crow starts snickering. ]
> This was
> the Death Egg.
[ Mike and Tom start snickering. ]
> As the bulky metal sphere rose above the sea, the two
> power cells that made the eyes of Robotnik's face on the side of the Egg
> began to glow red. Knuckles gasped.
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] He's so *ugly*!
TOM: Geez, is this guy in love with himself or what? He slaps his own hideous
mug on everything he builds!
MIKE: He's worse than Dexter and Mandark.
> Robotnik must have the Super
> Emeralds. It was the only possible reason why he could fly and power-up
> the Death Egg.
CROW: Thus no point in continuing the story. Goodbye!
> With the Super Emeralds in there and the Master Emerald
> in his grasp, there was no telling what Robotnik could do.
> This could finally mark the end of Mobius...
TOM: And we have reached title, ladies and gentlemen!
>
CROW: Yeah, me neither, Mike.
MIKE: [ stands up ] Y'know, I don't feel like waiting for--aargh! [ hits Crow
upside the net ]
CROW: Ow!
MIKE: Oh, geez, I'm sorry!
CROW: No, I'm fine.
TOM: ...What number am I thinking of?
CROW: ...Fifteen?
TOM: Nope! It's seventy! Haha!
CROW: [ trudges out ] Awww...
[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]
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End of part 4
-- Shay Caron
E-mail: glee...@aol.com
Web site: http://protection.keenspace.com/
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