[MiSTed] AKA "Mars" Probe Conspiracy
Craig Whyte
Since this is my first attempt at MiSTing, I decided to tackle
something short from alt.conspiracy. Any questions and comments can
be sent to wh...@tcnj.edu. If I get positive feedback, I'll do a
longer one with skits in it.
Craig Whyte
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On Sun, 10 Aug 1997 00:51:07 GMT, rev...@radix.net
(rev...@radix.net) wrote:
>[ Mail from Junior Yeti Argon Wender. ]
All: (unenthusiastical) Hi Junior.
>[ Reposted with permission.]
Crow: Show me your permission slip or you can't on the field trip.
>
>Heard about the "Mars" probe?
Tom: Yup, they're not putting enough chocolate in the candy bars these
days!
> Or should I say, what THEY told you
>about it. I shall elaborate:
Mike: Please don't. I want this to be over real soon.
>I assume you read "Coincidence or
>Conspiracy?" in the first installment of "Starface."
Crow: Geez, he's fingering Al Pacino in all this!
Mike: That says "Starface", not "Scarface".
Crow: Oh.
> I was merely
>scratching the surface in a single amoeba
Tom: (as amoeba) Hey, hey, hey! Cut your fingernails!
> in the universe of
>conspiracies. Yes, the Kennedy assassination.
>
>You may think the "Mars" probe is a cute little robot guy
Crow: He's talking about me!
Tom: He's talking about *me!*
Crow: Is not!
Tom: Is too!
(the bots continue screaming at each other, getting more agitated each
time)
Mike: IF YOU GUYS DON'T STOP NOW YOU BOTH GET TIME OUTS!
Bots: Sorry.
> that is
>picking up rocks from Mars and taking pictures. Wrong.
Mike: It's placing rocks from Earth on Mars.
> Why would smart
>guys like scientists want a bunch of rocks?
Crow: They want the best collection in the neighborhood.
> They don't. The Mars probe
>is just some nobody
Mike: (singing) I ain't got nobody...
> taking a bunch of pictures of the Arizona desert
Tom: So that's why they all look like the Grand Canyon.
>and souping them up
Mike: (as Homer Simpson) Mmm... soup.
> with super Photoshop deluxe 6.2 or whatever they
>use.
Crow: Paintbrush from Windows 3.11.
> The thing that is actually going to Mars is a group of suicide
Mike: Machines.
Bots: (singing) Baby I was born to run.
>soldiers destroying Castro's Mars Base. What I told you were aliens
Tom: (as author) Are just figments of my imagination.
>were actually Sonoran Desert toads
Crow: Bud...
Tom: Weis...
Mike: Er...
> made giants
Tom: They Might Be Giants.
> by the Cuban black
>science team.
Crow: Winners of the Negro League in 1937.
> Lee Harvey Oswald was the caretaker of the base until
>1963
Bots: (make crying sounds)
Mike: (as Oswald, singing) Hush little Mars base, don't say a
word....
> when he discovered a sattelite based laser cannon. He used a
>computer radio scanner
Crow: To elude the fuzz in his attempt to leave Dallas.
> to infiltrate the meaning and found that
>president John F. Kennedy was to be assassinated.
Mike: (as JFK) If I put this on another planet, no one will have to
kill me!
> Upon hearing this he
>immediately contacted Castro who ordered
Tom: A Big Mac.
Crow: (as Oswald) Would you like fries with that?
> him to abandon the base and
>save him.
>
>What an average pink
Mike: Panther.
Tom: Lemonade.
Crow: -o.
> would consider Area 51 was actually, merely means
Tom: (as Area 51) Get away from me all you idiotic tourists! I'm
mean!
>of firing the laser cannon. The real Area 51 was demolished
Mike: When they tore down the Omni and Fulton County Stadium.
> in the
>valujet "crash."
>
>So, anyhow, Oswald was unsuccessful
Crow: Because he didn't fire from the grassy knoll.
> and one of the assassins shot him
>dead
Tom: Roundup kills Oswalds dead instantly!
> and he himself died "mysteriously."
Mike: Millions of people saw it on TV and you call it "mysterious"?
Yeesh.
>
>
>over and out,
Crow: (as author) Of my mind.
>Argon
Tom: I guess a followup will be written by Neon then.
>
>
>--
>_________________
>rev...@radix.net
>"People have funny-shaped minds" - Larry Wall
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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This posting is copyrighted (c) 1997 by Craig Whyte. Use of this
article or parts of this article other than entertainment purposes
requires my express permission.
Sesocks
Craig:
Not bad. Get some newer jokes in there, riff the actual plot, and put
in a leader and follow up, and possibly a teaser and some host segments
if you get a long one next time. Good jokes in there!
-Kevin