MSTied: STEPHEN RATLIFF'S "The 7th Fleet." (Marrissa fic!) [(4/6)]
Tv's Weretorgo
> from the people of Essex for her fifteenth birthday,
CROW: Gift, product of slave labor... same thing.
> was sitting at the
> ready. If it wasn't for one thing, she could have just climbed in and
> headed out. Lieutenant Jay Gordon was taking a nap accross it's nose and
> cockpit glass.
JOEL: And there were three dead romulans tied to the roof rack.
CROW: --Underneath him.
> "Jay, I'd like to be able to take my fighter out," Marrissa stated.
CROW: [as Jay, stoned voice] Heh heh. How's it feel to want? Heh heh heh.
> Jay opened his eyes, and said, "Sorry Commander, but you aren't leaving
> this ship."
SERVO: Woohoo! Jay mutinees at last!
> "And why is that," Marrissa said. "I've got to see my fellow Captains."
> "Commander, you are acting Captain of this ship, your place is in command
> of her, not out flying around a nebula."
JOEL: [as Marrissa, whining] But I WANNA! I really really WANNA!
> "I'm also commanding this fleet,
SERVO: Oh, come on. She can't have killed off *all* the higher ranking officers already.
> I have to see to it's composition as well."
CROW: [as Marrissa] And I have to score their spelling, phonics and math mid-terms. Or didn't
you know that I'd added "teacher-assistant" to my list of titles
> "That makes you the most important person in this fleet.
JOEL: Now there's a surprise.
> The captains of
> the other ships should be coming to you," Jay replied. Then with a smile,
> he continued. "In fact they are."
> "What do you mean Jay?"
SERVO: [as Jay] I dunno, I just kinda blurted it out.
> "I had purple wing deliver orders for the commanding officers of each
> vessel to report aboard the Stargazer. Green Wing and Blue Wing will
> escort them all here."
> "Lieutenant Jay Alan Gordon... do you know what the penalty for falsifying
> orders is?"
SERVO: [as Jay] Don't talk to me about "falsifying," Miss Fill-n-fool.
> "Yes, Commander. However, I believe my plan entails much less risk to the
> command staff of this ship. That is one of the duties of a first officer,
> and since you are acting Captain,
CROW: [as Jay] You can just kiss my stinking butt.
> that is my job. If you'd like to dress
> me down for my methods in doing so,
JOEL: [as Jay] --Then you'd would probably kill several hundred readers.
CROW: [as Marrissa] The slaughter of innocents!? I'm drooling at the thought.
> feel free, sir.
SERVO: "Sir?" Is there more to Marrissa than I for one care to know?
CROW: Run for your life! It's a slash fic!
> However, since we are
> in the middle of a war, I respectfully request that you consider delaying
> it until after we are safely behind Federation lines again."
> "Very well, Jay... but next time, run it by me first. You never know, I
> might like the idea."
>
SERVO: These scene changes always seem like they're done at random with a
meat cleaver.
> Chapter Three
>
> Jacqueline Marie Picard was peering around the corner.
JOEL: The corner of what, we don't know. But there was definitely a 90 degree angle
involved in the peering process.
> Her mother was
> talking to her Aunt Marie and Cousin Isabelle. She'd gotten bored at
> playing with her cousin Rene. He just wanted to play with his little toy
> starships. Jackie, as everyone called her, had lived on a starship.
ALL: [sarcastically] You *think?*
> Playing with starships held no interest for her.
SERVO: Toilet-training had left young Jackie completely jaded.
> The almost three year-old girl and her mother had left the
> Enterprise because of the war.
JOEL: See, since the Picards are *french,* it would make sense for them to run...
> They wouldn't return until after it was
> over. Jackie couldn't understand why her father couldn't come with them
> to France.
CROW: But she knows enough about starships to take them for granted.
> Her mother had said that it was because he was the ship's
> Captain. Jackie couldn't understand why that made a difference. After
> all, mommy was ship's Doctor, and she had gone with Jackie and her baby
> brother Nicholas to France.
JOEL: It's called "Getting rid of the bit characters."
> She'd hoped to seen her sister Marrissa here, but she was off in
> some ship called the Stargazer, being second-in-command, what ever that
> was. Jackie liked her big sister, she was fun.
CROW: She also likes celery because it is tasty.
SERVO: Actually, Marrissa reminds me more of Big Brother.
> The word babysitter drifted down to Jackie's ears. That brought
> her hopes up. Marrissa had baby-sat her when Nicholas was born. Thoughts
> of what had happened then surfaced, but she shook away the unpleasant memory.
SERVO: Ick. Ickickickickick!
CROW: I'm getting some unpleasent ideas...
>
JOEL: A magnificiently mishandled scene change. I give it a 1.0 at least.
CROW: 0.7.
SERVO: 1.2.
> Beverly Picard surveyed the young man that Isabelle had hired to
> watch Jackie,
SERVO: [as Beverly] So, young man, how many people under the age of 18 live in your
household? What's your average combined yearly income? Approximately how many
fanfics do you read each month? If you were offered a series of fanfics about a power-
mad adolescent ruling a world in which all adults are either inept or unconscious, would
you be: A - very interested, B - somewhat interested, or C - suicidal? By the way, there *is* a
right answer to all of these.
> Theresa Isabelle's son Rene. He seemed to be a pleasant
> fellow, with a broad smile and friendly manner.
CROW: [as Beverly] Obvious child molester. Next?
> Isabelle had used him
> several times, and said he was very responsible.
JOEL: Readers, insert your own comment here.
> "You must be Doctor Picard, I'm Tom Cox,"
[snickers from all]
> the young man said. "I
JOEL: [as Tom/Torgo] W-w-wATCH the... kids... while the MASTER is... out.
> understand I'm to watch you daughter along with Rene and Theresa tonight.
CROW: [as Tom] From across the street, through a window, with binoculars... [quick beat] and a
SNIPER RIFLE!
> I have a few questions to ask. When does she have to go to bed? Does she
> have any medical conditions I should know about?
JOEL: A "few..." meaning, in this case, "two."
> "Jackie goes to bed at 7:30," Beverly said. "She can have a snack
> before hand, but not anything with vanilla in it. She's allergic to it."
SERVO: [as Beverly] And she has tubes in her ears. And asthma, hay fever, an upper
respiratory infection, scurvy, rickets, eromotic syndrome, Tarellian plague and a touch of
the gout. She isn't allowed to get wet, and, oh, don't feed her after midnight. Just trust me
on that one.
>
CROW: An utterly pointless scene that is introduced awkwardly and exited
even more awkwardly. Classic Ratliff.
> Jackie was playing with blocks.
JOEL: [as Jackie, dumb] Block taste like *wood!*
> She wanted to play with the dolls,
> but Theresa was, and wouldn't let her join in.
SERVO: But *Jackie* knew where Mommy's gun was.
> Rene would. She liked her
> cousin Rene. Together they were building a castle.
CROW: See Rene. See Jackie. See blocks. See Jackie play with blocks. Rene sees Jackie play with
blocks.
> Rene was much better
> at building things than Jackie. Jackie's tower fell.
JOEL: Ratliff's prose is so... descriptive... I'm overcome by his mastery of the English
language.
> She stamped her foot
> once in frustration.
SERVO: --Knocking over *his* tower.
> "It okay, Jackie," Rene said. "Mine always fall."
> "They not yet," Jackie said.
> "They will," Rene said.
CROW: You know, I think *this* is the best scene in the entire fanfic.
SERVO: I agree.
JOEL: Yeah.
CROW: The dialogue is his best ever.
> Jackie looked up from their creation. There was man watching them
> that Jackie had never seen. "Who that?"
> "That Tom, babysitter," Rene said. "He nice."
SERVO: [as Rene] Tell Jackie about the rabbits, Tom.
> Jackie walked over to the man. "You not 'Rissa" she said.
CROW: So, half the kids in the RatliffverseT are Nobel-prize-winning nuclear physicists,
and the other half are hopelessly inarticulate dopes.
JOEL: So, on average, everything's normal, then.
SERVO: Go stick one hand in a toaster and the other in an ice bucket, Joel. On average,
you're comfortable.
> "No I'm not," the man replied. "I'm Tom. Who is 'Rissa?"
> "She big sister," Jackie said. "She my babysitter."
JOEL: Ratliff's idea of child dialogue - talk like a backwoods caveman.
> "Not tonight, Jackie," Tom said. "I'm watching Theresa, Rene, and
> you, while your mothers are out."
CROW: Whoa!
JOEL: Huge slam on Picard there!
SERVO: Excuse me while I go throw up all over myself.
> "I want 'Rissa," Jackie said.
> "I can't help you there. I don't know where she is," Tom said.
> "Perhaps you can tell me about her."
CROW: [as Jackie] She want to be HU-man.
> "'Rissa real smart," Jackie began. "She number one on Stargazer.
> Has neat room. No one order her. She play with me. Not hog dolls like
> 'Resa. Dad worry about her. Says she not know fear.
JOEL: [as Jackie] Says all tremble before her.
> I want to see 'Rissa."
SERVO: [as Jackie] She friends with author. Author make 'Rissa invincible.
> "As I said earlier, I don't know where she is," Tom said in a
> mellow voice. "Do you want me to see if we can get Theresa to share the
> dolls with you?"
> Jackie shook her head yes.
JOEL: This completely gratuitous scene brought to you by Ratliff Productions.
>
> Marrissa was not feeling in her element.
CROW: They ran out of scum and filth.
> She sat at the head of the table
> in the fighter debriefing room. It was the position of the person in
> command.
SERVO: And she's *not* feeling in her element?
> The other starship Captains were still moving around the room.
> The commander of the Nimitz had yet to arrive, and they weren't beginning
> until he did.
CROW: It'll probably be a while, since the captain has been dead for about 450
years.
> This just left her sitting nervously in the chair at the head of the
> table. She was only fifteen. She was only a first officer,
JOEL: Fifteen and *only* a First Officer? Boy, good thing she didn't waste
time going to the Academy, her career is going nowhere.
> her Captain
> was in a coma in Sickbay.
SERVO: And with the medical technobabble generator still down, the prognosis was grim.
> With the exception of Lieutenant Williams, the
> Chief Engineer of the Virginia who had taken command after the Virginia's
> bridge had been sheared off, she was the lowest ranked person in the room.
CROW: So naturally, she's in charge of everyone else.
> She really didn't feel like sitting in her seat. It felt wrong.
ALL: [in unison] Our feelings exactly.
SERVO: You know, after God-knows-how many stories that have landed her
imperious and totally perfect rump in that particular ivory throne, you'd
think she'd get used to it.
> She was
> use to giving orders, on the bridge. She'd even lead mission briefings
> before. Somehow this was different though.
JOEL: [as Marrissa] No one's dead yet. I'm displeased.
> Finally, Captain Greer of the Nimitz arrived. He immediately took the
> seat to the right of Marrissa. Greer was the senior officer. "Good
> Evening Commander, you look like you're enjoying command,"
CROW: [as Greer] I'm not entirely sure those eunuchs carrying your throne
are allowed under Starfleet regulations, though...
> he said. "I
> told my first officer that you'd be commanding a fleet some day, after you
> poked holes in Admiral Scholl's plan."
JOEL: [as Marrissa] Gee, I get the feeling you're directing some *hostility* towards me.
> "This is not how I planned on doing it," Marrissa said, as the other
> commanding officers began to take a seat. "Are you sure you don't want the
> job?"
SERVO: [as Greer] Oooh, noo, it'll go straight to my legs, really, you have it.
> "Commander, you found a way out of a whole sale slaughter," Greer said.
CROW: It's a wholesale slaughter of savings, at Menards!
Fox
> <snip to my part>
LOL! I didn't even think of that when I wrote that. I was however
considering, "No, I'm not, Thank God".
>
> > "I want 'Rissa," Jackie said.
> > "I can't help you there. I don't know where she is," Tom said.
> > "Perhaps you can tell me about her."
>
> CROW: [as Jackie] She want to be HU-man.
>
> > "'Rissa real smart," Jackie began. "She number one on Stargazer.
> > Has neat room. No one order her. She play with me. Not hog dolls like
> > 'Resa. Dad worry about her. Says she not know fear.
>
> JOEL: [as Jackie] Says all tremble before her.
>
> > I want to see 'Rissa."
>
> SERVO: [as Jackie] She friends with author. Author make 'Rissa invincible.
>
> > "As I said earlier, I don't know where she is," Tom said in a
> > mellow voice. "Do you want me to see if we can get Theresa to share the
> > dolls with you?"
> > Jackie shook her head yes.
>
> JOEL: This completely gratuitous scene brought to you by Ratliff Productions.
Woohoo!! My scene!
--
Tom "Fox, Spy Extraordinaire" Cox
MSTie #83019
The Human brain is perhaps the only example of evolution providing
a species with an organ it does not know how to use - Arthur Koestler