MSTed (Animaniacs): Click your heels... (1/3)
Petrea Mitchell
verse was active. Sadly, Digiverse is no longer with us. This is a
shame, as it demonstrated that MSTies are just as odd "in person" as
they appear to be on the newsgroups. With this in mind, we honor the me-
mory of Digiverse with a series of hopelessly arcane references to it
within this MWTing. To the Digiverse-- may ye rest in peace. To the peo-
ple who shut it down-- @&$#%(*&$#&^%$#(*&^ YOU! -- C. French, Staff Wri-
ter.]
In the not-too-distant future, on the Warner Brothers lot,
Two mice named Pinky and The Brain were hatching an evil plot.
They snuck up on the home of the Warner kids
(Just three regular 'toons who'd flipped their lids)--
The water tower was such a peaceful place
'Til they strapped some rockets to it, and shot it into spaaace!
(Wheeee!)
"We'll send them cheesy postings, the worst we can find." (la la la)
"They'll have to sit and watch them all, and we'll monitor
their minds." (la la la)
Keep in mind, the Warners can't control where the postings begin or
end--
But they lost their sanity long ago, so don't worry about them, friends!
Warner roll call:
Rita! (Meow?)
Yakko! (Look out, sibs!)
Wakko! (Is it lunchtime yet?)
Doooot! (I'm cute!)
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, and other science facts,
(la la la)
Repeat to yourself, "It's a damn CARTOON-- I should really just relax
For Mystery Warner Theater 3000."
...o...2...3...4...5...6...WB
[Yakko and Dot are on a sofa, with Rita sleeping on top of it. Wakko is
in a recliner; he looks very depressed]
Yakko: So that's why [pause, looks to audience, then] Oh, hi there! We
were just discussing how we think Season 2 of "Babylon 5" will
end-- how the "Great War" will start out. I figure the Narn will
try a kamikaze move that will wipe out both sides, thus weakening
the normals enough to allow the Shadows to move on them.
Dot: That's *too* easy, Yakko; there's no suspense, and it's way too
early to end that subplot. I remember reading a WB memo that said--
Yakko: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dot!
Dot: What?
Yakko: You know what that big chunk of metal on the back of a race car
is called?
Dot: A spoiler?
Yakko: Exactly. [winks]
Dot: [look of confusion, then understanding] OH! [giggles, looks to au-
dience] Sorry.
Yakko: Anyway, you think...
Dot: That someone else will intervene, and make the war more general,
bringing in Earth Alliance, the Non-Aligned Worlds, and others,
letting the Shadows "divide and conquer".
Yakko: Interesting. [reflectively] I wonder what the ST: Voyager people
are doing right now-- [as idiot] Duh-- where can we wander to
that's suffering a problem that's socially relevant to 20th-cen-
tury Earth *this* week? [normal] What's your rede, Wakko?
[TV flickers on, revealing Pinky and the Brain]
Wakko: [morosely] I think we're doomed.
Yakko: Hey, guys, what's up?
Pinky: The ceiling? [Brain wallops him]
Brain: Your sense of humor is as evolved as a shark, Pinky. [to Warners]
Greetings. I have some news for you-- appropriately enough, about
the ending of Second Season "Babylon 5". Evidently, it-- [his
mouth continues moving for several seconds, sans sound. Finally
he clues in, and begins glaring at the Warners. His lips flap,
then stop. He produces a Sign: "What is going on?"]
Yakko: Oh, this. [produces a small black bag] It produces sound waves
that block out voices saying things you don't want to hear-- for
use on politicians, commercials, and slobbering goober _Star
Trek_ fans. We call it the "@Gag-Bag".
Brain: [sign] Lovely. [flips sign] Too bad it won't block out the fan-
fics I'm sending you. [flips sign again] Tell them about it,
Pinky.
Pinky: Sure, Brain <ZORT!>. You're getting *two* fanfics today-- a short
TNG work, followed by a _Voyager_ piece--
Yakko: Of flop...
Pinky: --by a disciple of Stephen Ratliff, who, as you know, is to fan-
fics what Ed Wood, Jr. was to film-making <NARF!>.
Brain: [sign] Bite down hard and swallow, kids. [pushes button]
[obLightsandSirens]
Wakko: I told you so.
WB...6...5...4...3...2...o...
> From cmcl2!newsserv.cs.sunysb.edu!adam.cc.sunysb.edu!
Wakko: I like my eggs SUNY side up.
> news.sprintlink.net!pipex!warwick!jaffacake!xuuaw Wed Mar 29 12:58:02
> 1995
> Path: cmcl2!newsserv.cs.sunysb.edu!adam.cc.sunysb.edu!news.sprintlink.
> net!pipex!warwick!jaffacake!xuuaw
> From: Anne-Lise Pasch <xu...@csv.warwick.ac.uk>
> Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Dot: There's an oxymoron....
> Subject: I'm bored, so I wrote this.
Yakko: We're doomed, so we have to read it?!
Wakko: If ever a title screamed "Imminent pain!" at me, this is it.
> Date: Tue, 28 Mar 1995 18:29:06 +0100
> Organization: University of Warwick, Coventry, UK
Yakko: Darn, a foreigner; we have no legal recourse.
> Lines: 68
> Message-ID: <Pine.SV4.3.91.950328172518.4360E-100000@jaffacake>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: jaffacake.csv.warwick.ac.uk
> Mime-Version: 1.0
Yakko: It's Mime Time!
Wakko: Get the anvils!
> Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
Yakko: STORYLINE/BORING!
> X-Sender: xuuaw@jaffacake
Dot: Xena?
Yakko & Wakko: Helloooo, Nurse!
>
> "...What a piece of work is a man. How noble in reason! How
> infinite in
> faculty! In form and moving, how express and admirable!
Dot: In fanfics, how one-dimensional!
> In action, how
> like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god!"
>
Yakko: Just like a Brit; always quoting Shakespeare.
Wakko: But he's not-- oh, yeah.
> "Oh Picard, you are *such* a bore, the same old diatribe, the
> repetitive
> soliloqui,
Wakko: Solilo-what?
Dot: No, solilo-*who*.
> the constant moral verbiage.
Yakko: The repeated appearances in stupid fanfics with annoying kids!
> Hah!"
Yakko: We wish we could laugh at this...
> "So, Q, you think that with your powers, you aspire to loftier
> notion?"
Dot: Like pinking shears?
Wakko: No, but they allow me to avoid most of these cursed fanfics!
> "But of course, mon ami, it is all so simple!"
>
> "What is so simple, Q?"
Wakko: The people who write these fanfics?
> "Why, everything, of course!"
Dot: 42!
Wakko: [sings] Now everything is easy 'cause of you.
Yakko [to Wakko]: SHUT. UP.
> ***
>
Dot: Our sentiments exactly.
> "Where are we, Q?"
>
Wakko: In the Village.
> "This is the continuum, Jean-Luc."
Dot: Welcome to the Process.
> "What are we doing here?"
Wakko: We want information.
Yakko: Oh, knock it off.
> "I want to show you something. behold!"
Yakko: [big kiss] Goodnight, everybody.
> "I don't see anything, just, well, colours in a disc."
Dot: Stop staring at it and flush-- you didn't bring up a lung!
> "Concentrate, Jean-Luc, focus your thoughts."
Wakko: [sings] Open up your mind and let me step inside...
> "I can see constellations."
Yakko: There's Uranus.
Dot: You want to get us thrown off the air?
>
> "Yes. Go on."
>
> "I can. I can see."
Yakko: Gee, I'm sure that's news to everyone.
Wakko: [sings] I see your picture, smiling back at me/ But I'm afraid of
the future, I'm afraid you won't see...
> "What can you see?"
Wakko: My God, it's full of stars!
> "I can't quite describe it, its like all history everywher..
> AAARRRGH!"
Dot: The History Channel. It's coming-- in the future.
>
> ***
All: We agree.
>
> "Where am I, Q?"
Dot: Standing on my foot. Do you mind?
> "In a void. Nothingness.
Yakko: Brannon Braga's head?
> Dull, isn't it?"
Wakko: I don't know; Iowa can be quite relaxing.
> "Why have you brought me here, Q? Haven't you tormented me enough?"
Yakko: *YOU'RE* feeling tormented?!
Dot: [ghostly voice] Jean-Luc Picard killed me! Jean-Luc Picard killed
me!
> "You needed it, Jean-Luc. You went into sensory overload. So I
> brought
> you here."
Wakko: [as Q] To a '70s discotheque. I'd rather watch you die of bore-
dom.
> "Take me back to the Enterprise, Q, I have a duty, dammit."
Yakko: Hey, there are children present!
Wakko: Dammit, Q, I'm a doctor, not a... oh.
> "Ah, don't worry about that for a while. You are, how shall I say it,
> out of time."
Wakko: [sings] You're out of touch, you're out of time/ But I'm out of
my head when you're not around, wooah woa-woa-woah, woa-woa-woah.
> "Out of time?"
Dot: Excuse me while I feed the meter.
> "Yes, no time passes here. And there's something else I want to show
> you."
Yakko: Hey, we're in public!
>
> ***
Yakko: Yeah, we know.
>
>
> Anne-Lise,
> Who might write more
All: NOOOOOOO!
> if anyone was interested,
> or if she could be bothered.
Dot: We aren't; you shouldn't.
Wakko: I don't know about you, but *I'm* bothered.
>
> (Its been a bad day)
Dot: You said it, sister.
Wakko: For the both of us....
Yakko: Let's scat, sibs.
Wakko: [as they exit] Shaboopdedoopdoodoowaa!
...o...2...3...4...5...6...WB
[Yakko and Dot saunter out]
Dot: Yakko, what is it that makes people who are bored to death blather
incessantly to *anyone* in earshot?
Yakko: Well, it may be the boredom is such that the person needs to do
something-- *anything*-- to alleviate it, never mind lack of in-
terest from others. Just chewing up downtime. Like a staff meet-
ing in Star Trek: TNG. Or maybe the person has had this bottled
up for a while, and needs to vent it. It could be any number of
things. You have any ideas?
Dot: Well, I sorta figured something like, "idle hands are the Devil's
tools." The person dislikes boredom so much, she wants to spread
the misery, and enjoy watching others suffer.
Yakko: That's a tad cynical, Dot.
Dot: True. Unfortunate, but true.
[Wakko wanders by, prattling to Rita, whom he is holding-- *very*
tightly]
Wakko: [natter] --so then I decided to try raising petunias-- [natter]
Rita: [annoyed, and gasping for air] Yo, Mr. and Mrs. Hegel! When you
hit a theory that works, write it down, then *help* *me*!
[Wakko wanders off; Rita is still struggling. Yakko and Dot look at each
other, and shrug. ObLightsandSirens]
WB...6...5...4...3...2...o...
[continued in part 2]