MiSTed - The Vanished (XF/Twin Peaks) 8/8
Bill Livingston
SERVO: With Mel Gibson and Sissy Spacek!
>the man wiped an arm across his brow, "I ain't never seen anything
>like it. The river itself is on fire!"
MIKE: He's never been to New York, I take it
SERVO: Or Cleveland
> Scully sank to the ground at Mulder's feet, limp, as the
>scope of the day sank into her mind.
CROW: Scully has been unhinged by mouthwash
> Mulder fell silent as well,
ALL: YA-A-AY!!!!
>giving a small nod of thanks to the paramedic, who moved on to his
>next patient. They sat in silence, absorbing the sounds of sirens
SERVO: [singing] The sounds of sirens
>and airplanes zooming overhead. Scully wordlessly handed Mulder
>her cup.
CROW: Hey, that can't be right!
> "Thanks," he murmured.
> "Hey," Scully said, touching Mulder's shoe,
SERVO: Oh yesyesyes, just touch my shoe, right there...
MIKE: Y'know, you're spending way too much time in the "alt" heirarchy
> fighting the
>tears welling in her eyes, "They'll be okay."
> Mulder shut his eyes and bowed his head, shoulders
>slumping.
MIKE: Now I lay me down to sleep...
> Scully felt tears etching tracks along her grime-smeared
>face, and swiped at it roughly.
> The ground shook with another tremor,
CROW: The Giant Worms are back!
MIKE: With Fred Ward, Reba McEntire, -
CROW: And the great taste of Bacon(tm)!
> but this time it was
>from the direction of the road. Cries were raised and Scully
>glanced in that direction. "I don't believe it," she gasped, climbing
>to her feet.
SERVO: [Scully] Dallas paid Deion *how* much?!?
> Mulder looked up and his mouth fell open at the sight.
MIKE: "Open" is its natural state
CROW: All it needs is his foot in it
> The sheriff's four-by-four careened down the road and into
>the parking lot, tires on fire, and paint smoking.
CROW: Boy the freeways are gettin' rougher every day!
> Deputy Andy was
>at the wheel, his hair singed and his eyes bulging with adrenaline.
SERVO: [Wakko] Potty Emergency!
> They brought the disintegrating vehicle to a halt next to the
>ambulance, Deputy Hawk jumping from the passengers side, pulling
>Sheriff Truman out gingerly from inside.
MIKE: [Truman] OW! Let me get the seat belt open first, ya big load!
> "Sheriff Truman!" Scully moved to him and began checking
>his injuries. "Medic! We need a medic here, now! Easy,"
CROW: [sarcastic] Geez, we're gettin' there, Colonel Potter!
> Scully
>helped Hawk move Truman to a seat as a paramedic group
SERVO: [announcer] Paramedics IN CONCERT - featuring Dr.John, Dr.
Hook, The Spin Doctors and the Four Nurses of the Apocalypse,
performing "Doctor Doctor", "Bad Medicine", and "Sexual Healing"
> rushed
>and took over.
> "What the hell happened?" Mulder asked, noting with his
>eyes
CROW: And other appendages
> the missing people from this group. Hawk threw aside his
>jacket and stomped out the embers that clung to it before replying.
MIKE: [Hawk] Damn, this was a $170 jacket, too, real leather, not
that fake stuff you get at Montgomery Wards', every time I get a
good jacket like this, it always - huh? D'you say something?
> "We stayed and helped evacuate the Great Northern; many
>have fled over the ridge while we got others loaded into choppers."
SERVO: Giant flying dentures save the day!
>Hawk paused to cough, wiping smoke from his eyes. "We saw
>what was happening and rushed to make it back here."
> "Where's Annie?" Truman demanded between hacking
>coughs.
SERVO: [Scully] You should see a doctor about - oh, wait, I *am*
a doctor!
CROW: I don't think she's really a doctor
MIKE: Why not?
CROW: Well, all you ever see her do is autopsies. I mean, she even
told Mulder to stop CPR after 30 seconds because it was too late!
SERVO: She does have a degree, you know
CROW: I wouldn't let her look down my throat - that is, if I had a throat
to look down
SERVO: Good thing she has that Saturn deal to fall back on
MIKE: Okay, I call no more Saturn refs
> "She's fine," Scully soothed, "she's helping the
>townspeople get ready for evacuation.
ALL: EWWW!!
> I'll let her know you're
>safe."
> Andy stood to one side, crying silently.
SERVO: Oh, boo-hoo! We've all got problems, pal!
> The unsaid question
>hung in the air, thicker than the cloud of smoke hovering over their
>heads.
MIKE: Who is Keyser Soze?
CROW: To be or not to be?
SERVO: Ginger or Mary Ann?
[together, ---> MIKE: Mary Ann!
immediate] ---> CROW: Ginger!
> Annie burst onto the scene, her face a frozen mask of terror.
>"Harry! Oh my God," she buried herself in his arms, weeping for
>joy. After a moment, she settled on his lap and looked around;
CROW: [Truman] Hey, easy, easy, I'm injured here!
>a dark expression settled upon her delicate features. "Harry..." she
>asked quietly, "not Dale..."
SERVO: [British] No, Harry not Dale, Harry patient, Dale missing, you
wife, me doctor
> All eyes were on Sheriff Truman as he coughed again and
>jerked his head once, affirmative. "Coop...didn't make it."
CROW: He said he did, but it had "Product of Hong Kong" stamped on
the bottom
> Scully felt light-headed and swayed for an instant, opening
>her eyes to find herself supported by a tight-lipped Mulder.
SERVO: Well, for Mulder, this is the best part of the story yet!
>He wasn't looking at her but was staring, out at the forest, the
>flames licking the treetops, ever closer.
MIKE: Figures. He's finally got her in an embrace, and he literally
can't see the forest for the trees!
> "We found this," Truman pulled out Cooper's tape recorder
>from his pocket, handing it to Scully. Dana cranked up the volume
>and rewound the tape.
SERVO: Check it out, "Greatest Hits of Kansas"!
> Taking a deep breath, she pressed play.
ALL: [singing] CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SO-O-O-O-ON...
> "Diane, I've made a mistake of astounding proportions.
>Special Agent Chester Desmond
CROW: The Questor Tapes?
MIKE & SERVO: STOP THAT!!
CROW: Geez, fine!!
> has just accosted myself and Harry
>and is now climbing the path down the Twin Peaks falls. I have no
>idea what he plans on doing, but I know that I must follow."
MIKE: [Cooper] Because if I don't, that pretty much blows this whole
story
>Everyone strained to hear Cooper's words, faint behind the sound
>of the water in the background. "This terrible situation has been
>orchestrated from the beginning by
SERVO: Guy Lomardo and his Royal Canadians!
> Bob..." Cooper's voice became
>steeled with resolve, "Diane, it's time to put a stop to it." The tape
>ended with a squeal.
CROW: Ah, gotta love that Kansas!
> Andy continued to cry.
SERVO: Oh, you gonna cry now, baby? Huh?
MIKE: Andy's extremely extremely extremely extremely sensitive
> "They went together, over the falls." Truman said
>tonelessly. No one could have..."
> "Medics! Medics!" The shouts were coming from the
>direction of the river;
SERVO: Must have been a _Nurse_ Shark
MIKE & CROW: D'OH!!
> the huddled group held their breaths. A
>medic came running to Truman. "Sheriff! A body, down by the
>river!"
MIKE: [British] RC or C of E?
CROW: [ditto] How should I know?
MIKE: It's tattooed on the back of the neck!
> Truman stood, clutching Annie's hand tightly in his. "Who
>is it?"
SERVO: It's Annie, your wife
> "Why, I believe it's Agent Cooper, sir!"
> Scully felt galvanized,
CROW: She felt like a bucket?
> dropping her blanket and sprinting
>across the runway towards the water in the distance. Mulder was
>shouting close behind her, "Bring the ambulance!"
MIKE: [Mulder] No, don't *bring* it "bring it", just drive it over fast!
>
> Scully saw him first, floating face up on the water, his eyes
>closed peacefully, his skin an icy blue.
CROW: If he's wrapped in plastic, I'll scream!
> Medics raced past her shoulder and pulled him out of the
>water, applying emergency resuscitation. Scully reached for his
>wrist and held her breath; but it was there, faint, pulsing.
MIKE: Her breath pulsed faintly as she held his wrist
SERVO: The wrist: nature's secret erogenous zone
> "Scully!" Mulder called, kneeling at her side and grasping
>her arm.
CROW: Well, if a wrist makes her pant, then the whole arm should...
MIKE: We get the picture, Crow
CROW: I never get to finish my sentences!
MIKE: Well, the FBI might be monitoring these posts
CROW: How?!? They're all meeting here in Northwest Washington
state for the annual "Psycho Law Enforcement Officers' Convention"!
> "He's alive, Mulder." The medics began loading him onto a
>stretcher, inserting an IV and wrapping his body in blankets. Scully
>grabbed an orderly's arm.
CROW: Scully, contain yourself!
> "How is he?"
> "We've got to evac him right now;
ALL: EWWWW!!!!!
> his body core
>temperature hhas dropped dangerously low.
SERVO: The term "brass monkey" mean anything to you?
> We have multiple
>fractures here, extreme hypothermia, let's go people!"
MIKE: They're in worse shape than Cooper!
> He brushed
>Scully aside, leaping into the back of the ambulance, beckoning the
>others to lift the stretcher inside.
SERVO: [Medic] C'mon, push! Push!
CROW: [ditto] Boy this guy's been spending a little too much time in
the cafeteria!
> "COOPER! COOPER!"
SERVO: Pizza! Pizza!
> Gordon Cole raced, breathless, to
>Cooper's side, putting a hand on the stretcher to stop the medics.
>"COOPER MY LAD! ARE YOU OK?"
SERVO "'Cooper my lad'? What, is he a refugee from Dickens?
> Scully stared, fixed upon Cooper's face, when to her
>amazement his eyes opened. She reached for his hand, speechless,
MIKE: Don't!
CROW: Ah, that's old already. Next!
>and saw his lips moving. She leaned in close, feeling the chill rising
>from his pale skin. "Cooper, what is it?"
> "Aa- aaa-" he murmured, struggling to form the sounds.
SERVO: Oh, well that cleared everything right up. Thanks, Cooper!
> "DALE, YOU'RE GONNA PULL THROUGH THIS, NO
>QUESTION ABOUT IT. YOU JUST HANG ON! WE'VE GOT
>ALL THE EVACUATION PLANES HERE AND READY TO
>TAKE EVERYONE OUT OF THIS INFERNO."
CROW: [Gordon] OF COURSE, NO ONE BETTER TRY TO GET ON
THOSE PLANES AHEAD OF ME! IF YOU THINK I'M STAYING
HERE, YOU'RE ALL CRAZIER THAN YOU LOOK!
> "Dale," Mulder said, leaning in next to Scully. "What is
>it?"
> "Ah, ah..." Cooper's brows nit, a look of sorrow twisting
>his features,
MIKE: [Cooper] "Showgirls"! "Flintstones"! Why can't I ever get
decent roles?
> "Albert" he sighed finally. Scully closed her eyes, grief
>washing through her, grateful for the powerful arms that soon
>encircled her. She wept silently in Mulder's arms.
CROW: She's shown more emotion in two pages than she has in the last
three seasons combined!
> "Look people, we have to move!"
MIKE: The house is sold, and the van'll be here in a few minutes!
> The medics shoved
>everyone away from Cooper's stretcher and loaded him in, the
>sirens shrieking as it headed for the first of the evacuation planes.
>The group stood together, dumbfounded for a moment,
SERVO: Then just dumb
CROW: And dumber
SERVO: Want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?
MIKE: Please, I beg of you, no!
> when
>Truman spoke up.
CROW: Well, who's for lunch?
> "I've got to see to the evacuation. I'll see you all later," he
>cradled Annie in his arms protectively, wearily heading back
>towards the tarmac. Cole stopped him with a gesture.
MIKE: Same to you, buddy!
> "SON, THIS IS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY. I'D STAY
>HERE AND WAX PHILOSOPHICAL ABOUT IT,
SERVO: Oh, that's okay, dad, don't bother!
> BUT I CAN
>FEEL THAT FIRE NIPPING AT MY NOSE- WE GOTTA GET
>OUT OF HERE. BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT THE
>UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO DO
>EVERYTHING THEY CAN
MIKE: Oh. that's always reassuring!
> TO GET THIS TOWN BACK ON
>IT'S FEET ASAP."
CROW: [Cole] WE'LL JUST USE SOME TLC PDQ, AND ENGAGE THE SERVICES
OF THE FBI & THE TVA
> "Thank you Gordon," Truman replied, giving the man a
>small smile, then turning again towards his townsfolk.
CROW: He's from the government! RUN!!!
> Deputy
>Hawk moved to Mulder and Scully's side, his eyes following their
>gaze; towards the blaze in the forest beyond.
MIKE: [Hawk] Wish I had some marshmallows. We could make
Smores like you wouldn't believe
> "My people," he began, his voice hushed and solemn,
>"...they say that fire is the ultimate cleanser- the ultimate purity. It
>will sweep this forest clean."
CROW: And leave it lemony fresh!
> "Fire is also a sign of renewal," Mulder murmured, "a sign
>of- rebirth."
SERVO: A sign that you left the pot roast in the oven too long
> Hawk nodded gravely, his eyes respectful of the
>implied hope- and implied fear.
> "Yes, Agent Mulder; there is life in fire; but there is also
>complete destruction."
CROW: Have a nice day
>Hawk took the crying Andy by the shoulders and steered him away
>to join Truman with the crowds.
MIKE: [Hawk] Come on, ya' little...
> Scully sniffled defiantly, running her hands through her hair.
>She closed her eyes and felt her body give way to the shakes.
CROW: Is this Bob again?
SERVO: Couldn't be!
CROW: Please, no!
MIKE: I think we're too close to the end for the gratuitous re-appearance
of the villain, guys!
CROW: Oh I hope so!
SERVO: If this is like, just Chapter One, I won't be held responsible for
my actions!
>Mulder gently put a hand upon her shoulder and she opened her
>eyes and looked up into his.
> "It's coming closer," she remarked, nodding to the angry
>red blaze that they could now hear crackling and snapping
MIKE: I heard Pop was supposed to be here too, but he held out
for a percentage deal, so they went on without him
>as it burned.
> "Yes," Mulder replied, gingerly steering Scully towards the
>nearest evac plane. "It's coming."
SERVO: [announcer] To the Civic Arena, September 17th!
> "YOU KNOW WHAT, AGENT SCULLY? THERE WAS
>THE MOST REMARKABLE VIEW FROM THE SKY WHEN
>WE MADE OUR APPROACH.
CROW: [Cole] ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE GROUND LOOKED JUST
LIKE BURNING ANTS!
> I COULD'VE SWORN THAT
>THE FIRE WAS SHAPED LIKE A BIRD!" Cole flapped his arms
>for emphasis. "WEIRD, ISN'T IT?"
SERVO: Weird! Yeah, that's the word for it - *weird*!
>
>[Memorial Hospital- Seattle, Washington. Four days later.]
> Scully sneezed at the bouquet of flowers she held in her
>arms, prompting Mulder to smile.
CROW: Allergies are fun!
> "What's with women and flowers, anyways?"
> "What's with men and monster trucks?" she retorted
>amiably.
MIKE: What's with gender stereotyping?
> Scully entered a bright and airy hospital room, where
>Dale Cooper lay strapped to his bed, an arm and a leg suspended in
>plaster.
CROW: Yeah, but he might wiggle loose anyway, so be careful!
> "How are you today, Cooper?"
> "Always better after you visit, Dana." His brows knit into a
>puzzled expression, "We seem to have more conversations in
>hospitals then we do elsewhere."
SERVO: Just call him clumsy
CROW: Just call it a sign!
> Scully smiled warmly and placed
>the flowers where Cooper could see them.
MIKE: [Cooper] They're nice, but you're blocking the TV, and I was
watching "House of Style"
> "You're just terribly accident-prone," she teased, seeing the
>desired result of her words as his frown melted away. Various get-
>well cards lined the mantle,
SERVO: Forming what we call "the Hallmark layer" between the mantle and
the crust!
> Scully noting Andy's, Constance's, and
>Annie's names, among others. She folded her arms and regarded
>Cooper; he was looking a bit better. A little color back in his
>cheeks and the old light in his eyes.
SERVO: [Scully] It's so great to see him looking so cheerful and
fanatical again!
> He leaned back on his pillows.
>"What's the news?" he prompted.
CROW: It's the stuff they talk about on CNN
> "Well, the fire is still burning in parts of Ghostwood- but
>plans for rebuilding Twin Peaks are already being made."
SERVO: It's going to be a theme park - "WeirdWorld"
> "Good old Gordon, true to his word."
> "Amazing," Mulder murmured, sitting down near Cooper's
>left leg and inspecting the now eye-level leg cast of his right leg.
MIKE: [Mulder] Your knees bend the wrong way
CROW: somE timeS mY armS benD bacK
SERVO: How'd you do that?
CROW: I'm full of secrets!
>"He even writes loud."
> Scully laughed at the huge scrawl that proclaimed,
>"GORDON COLE WAS HERE," emblazoned upon Cooper's cast
>in bold ink strokes.
MIKE: [dully] Ha ha. Stop. Oh please.
> "Any word on Albert?" Cooper asked as casually as he
>could after they settled into silence.
SERVO: Well, there's "Able", "bet", "tear", "Reba", "tab" -
CROW: Not "in" Albert, "*ON*" Albert
> "No," Scully replied, her eyes sad, "nothing."
> "Cooper, Scully and I have to head back to Washington- but
>we won't give up the search."
MIKE: [Mulder] We'll check every alien landing site, secret government
outpost, and sunflower seed store in the country if we have to!
> Cooper nodded gratefully, his eyes crinkling at some past
>memory, "Albert's path was always a strange and difficult one."
CROW: Oh, I think we figured that out, too, pal!
> Scully patted Cooper's shoulder in understanding, then
>stood to go. Mulder touched her shoulder and
SERVO: She let fly with a karate chop to the neck!
> they smiled at
>Cooper. "If there's anything..." Mulder began.
MIKE: That depends on whether you believe in the subjectivity of
existence or not
> "ALBERT AHOY!"
MIKE: He's in the Navy, too!
CROW: Savoir Faire ees Everywhere!
> Gordon Cole swept into the hospital
>room, a fax dangling from his hand as he shouted excitedly.
CROW: [Cole] I GOT TANGLED IN THIS DARN KONICA. GIVE ME A
HAND HERE, HUH?
>"AGENTS, ALBERT HAS BEEN SPOTTED!"
CROW: [still Cole] HE'S GOT THAT PESKY HEMMORAGHIC FEVER
AGAIN!
> "Where is he?" Scully asked eagerly, joy and relief filling
>her heart.
> "DANA, THAT'S WHERE IT GETS TRICKY. HE'S
>BEEN SPOTTED; NOT FOUND."
SERVO: Oh, well that makes a dif - HUH?!?
> "Gordon," Cooper strained in his confining straps,
CROW: HE'S GONNA BLOW!! RUN FOR IT!!!
>his familiar patience evaporating. "WHERE IS ALBERT?!"
> Gordon scanned their eager faces and
MIKE: Put them on his home page, "http://www.fbi.gov/~GCOLE"
> referred to the
>printout in his hand. "WELL...THERE WAS A REPORT FROM
>TIBET..."
> "Tibet?" Mulder exclaimed, incredulous.
SERVO: He's meeting with Dalai Lama
MIKE: And dating Dalai Parton
CROW: And eating some Dalai Madison Snack Food(tm)
SERVO: Touch the Lama!
> "ALBERT'S ALSO BEEN SPOTTED IN ROME, AT THE
>VATICAN. AND AGAIN, IN SALT LAKE CITY. JUST A FEW
>MINUTES AGO HE WAS SEEN IN THE LOBBY OF TEMPLE
>SHIAO-SOMETHING IN JAPAN..."
MIKE: Albert's taking no chances
> "I don't believe it!" Scully exclaimed, turning to Mulder.
>"How can that be?"
CROW: It's "Twin Peaks"! It's "X-Files"! *Anything* can be!!
> "I dunno, Scully," Mulder was shocked, but a smile also
>was appearing across his face. "Maybe he wants to accumulate
>some frequent flier miles."
ALL: D'OH!!!
> "Albert," Cooper exclaimed, a grin spreading across his
>features, "got to love the man."
SERVO: That Albert is one bad mother-
MIKE & CROW: Shut your mouth!
SERVO: Just talkin' 'bout Albert!
MIKE & CROW: We can dig it!
> "But where is he?!" Scully demanded, knowing that she
>probably wouldn't like the answer.
CROW: I won't, either, if it's a long one!
> "As soon as I'm out of this," Cooper gestured to his broken
>body, "I'll let ya know."
SERVO: He'll answer as soon as he's out of his body?
CROW: No, just his head
>
>the end.
SERVO: Coming Soon: "X-Peaks 3: The Search for Albert!"
MIKE: C'mon, let's scram!
[All Leave]
[o...2...3...4...5...6]
[Mike and the bots are standing at the table]
MIKE: Well, we gotta feel good guys!
CROW: Yeah, we made it through another meeting between the freaky
peakers and the FBI's strangest special agents.
SERVO: I dunno guys - it's just not the same!
MIKE: Huh?
MIKE: I mean, weird just isn't special any more.
CROW: Come *on*, Tommy Boy, this story had everything but Ratboy
SERVO: Look, when "Twin Peaks" started, it was creepy, it was bizarre,
it was jittery. It may have been a little disorganized -
CROW: A *little*?!?
SERVO: Okay, it was confusing as heck. My point is, it was unique.
Then "X-Files" came along - a little more plot-driven, but still edgey,
weird [Johnny Carson voice] just a little bit skewed.
MIKE: Yes, and?
SERVO: It was *different*! Now you need a scorecard to keep tabs on all
the weird, mystical dramas on TV! There's "Picket Fences", "American
Gothic", "Nowhere Man", "Strange Luck", "Forever Knight", "Highlander" -
let's just face it, guys: bizarre is now normal.
CROW: So, you're saying that if a woman walked up to you and started
talking to a log, you'd just stand there, all jaded.
SERVO: Well, maybe not *all* jaded, but -
MIKE: Or if you met some guy who could kill you with his shadow, you'd
just laugh it off and go along your merry way, yes?
SERVO: No, now -
CROW: Or if a giant in bow tie put the whole world into slo-mo just so he
could give you a message, like some freakazoid Western Union, you'd -
SERVO: OKAY OKAY! All I'm saying is that TV is a lot weirder now than
it used to be.
MIKE: Uh-huh. You mean back when it had the talking horse, and the talking
car -
CROW: And the beautiful blonde witch, and the beautiful blonde genie -
MIKE: And the hillbillies living in LA, and the socialite living in
Hooterville -
CROW: And Ricky and Lucy and Wally and the Beav and Princess -
MIKE: And Kirk & Spock and the Robinsons & Dr Smith and Moonbase
Alpha and -
SERVO: Fine! Reduce my analagies to dust if you will, but you can't deny
one thing: nothing on TV can match the weirdness - the horror - the
evil - of "America's Funniest Home Videos"!!
CROW: Ah, he's got us there, Mike.
MIKE: Nope, can't fight that. Say, Tom, before you get too "Mondo Cain"-ish
on us, why don't you give the readers the old curriculum vitae.
SERVO: Sure, fine, whatever. [announcer] To sign up on the MiSTing Authors
Dibs List, send an e-mail message to "mne...@engin.umich.edu" with
"DIBS-SUB" in the subject line and text in the message indicating you
wish to join the Dibs List. Be sure to read the Guidelines for MiSTing,
described in the FAQ. [lights flash]
CROW: Well, we all did learn one very important thing.
MIKE: What's that?
CROW: If a pop star just shows up unexpectedly, run like hell!
SERVO: Oh my, yes!
CROW: Oh, uh, Dr. Strangepost is calling
MIKE: Yeah. Hey Forrester, how's old Dennis working out?
[D13 - Dr. F is still sitting at his desk, now covered in loose paper
and envelopes]
DR.F: Well, sad to say it didn't work out - I mean he had the right
credentials - he was certainly evil enough - but he chickened out.
He claimed he got a deal to do a movie with Sandra Bullock instead.
[SOL - everyone is laughing]
SERVO: Sandra Bullock?!?! BWAH-HAHAHAHAH!!!
CROW: He couldn't get a movie deal with JM J Bullock!! Heheheheheheh!!
MIKE: Oh, my, hoo hoo, face it, Clay, he just couldn't handle you!
[D13]
DR.F: True, true. And already the mail is starting to pile up again.
[picks up a letter] Oh, a letter from Mom, how nice [tosses it over
his shoulder]. But all that will soon change, because I've found my
new assistant. Meet the newest member of the Deep 13 team [a slim man
with a neatly tailored suit and a spangled guitar wanders in ] -
Chris Isaak.
[SOL]
ALL: CHRIS ISAAK?!?!? YAAAAAHHHHH!!!! [Everyone runs off]
[D13]
DR.F: Huh, I knew you had potential , Chris, but I must say that was
impressive!! Now, I'll show you your broom closet here [Dr F turns and
starts to the back. Chris pulls a knife and follows him] But first, be
a lad and push the button, hm?
CHRIS [singing] Don't make me dream abou- WUFFF!! [an even slimmer man in
an even nattier looking suit tackles him amid sections; they start
wrestling]
DR.F: What?!? David Bowie and Chris Isaak are wrestling on my floor?
[disgustedly] You just can't keep good help these days! Never mind,
Chris, just have your little fun - I'LL push the button!! [Dr. F
walks over and - ]
[FWOOSH!!!]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"THE VANISHED": by Peggy Mei-Ling Li
MiSTING OF "VANISHED": by Bill Livingston
MiSTING DIBS LIST MAINTAINED: by Michael K. Neylon
CASH: by the U.S. Treasury Department (all rights reserved)
PAINT: by numbers
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microbes were savagely beaten out of existence
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> "Look mister Creepy, Freaky, whatever they call you,"
>Albert interrupted, "you may be Howard Cosell of the Wide World
>of the Paranormal, but I believe Cooper has seniority here."
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