MiSTied: Decent 1/1

[rcoa...@forest.drew.edu]

Here is a quick MiSTing of the X-Files fanfic,
"Descention." No host segment for this, but
I hope you enjoy it anyway. Send comments
to rcoa...@forest.drew.edu or SurFa...@aol.com
after May 15th.

>From: nit...@aol.com (Nita Dee)
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
>Subject: NEW: Descention 1/5
>Date: 13 Dec 1995 11:05:17 -0500

>Desecention

>By Nita Durham

TOM: Wasn't that the movie where Susan Sarandon and Tim
Robbins first met?

>Disclaimer: The characters of Dana Scully, Fox Mulder
>Melissa Scully, The Lone Gunmen, Alex Krychek, Mr.X
>and Cancer Man all belong to Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen
>productions, in association with 20th Century Fox Television.

MIKE: And they can ke

> "There she is!" exclaimed Byers, pointing to the television
>screen.
>
> FBI Specialo Agent Fox Mulder leaned closer to the screen
>to get a better view. "Hit pause." He commanded.

MIKE: Yes, Mulder and the Lone Gunmen spend another Saturday night
watching the best of Traci Lords.

> The TV screen froze on the image of a red haired woman in
>her mid-thirties. Mulder blinked his eyes....it couldn't be her.
>Melissa Scully had been dead six months. But there she was,
>standing above a group of children at the Happy Times daycar
TOM: Happy Times. Is that a subsidiary of Happy Temps?
MIKE: No.

> "Where did you get this?" Mulder asked Frohike and Langley,
>who were also watching the video tape.

> "We can't reveal our sources but---" Byers began.

> "I got it from a video surveillance company. They were supposed
>to be watching the
CROW: What were they doing at the daycare center that needed watching?
MIKE: Don't look too closely at the plot contrivances, Crow. You'll get
a headache.

>That hasn't panned out yet, but when I saw the tape, I knew at once
>who that woman was. That's one thing you can say about the Scully
>women--they're lookers." Frohike said as he looked at the image on
>the screen.

TOM: Lookers. Sounds like the title of a bad sci-fi movie.
MIKE: Don't give Dr. F any ideas.

> Mulder took his hand and ran it through his hair. This was
>hard to accept.

CROW: With a stupid haircut like that, I'm not surprised.

> "We just can't be sure--I mean, she could just look like her.
>Why, if she is still alive and in obvious good health has she not
>contacted her family?" Mulder asked.

TOM: Maybe she wants to disasocciate herself from this show as much
as possible.

> "From what I can get frm my sources, the woman calls herself
>"Daisy Hill" and has only been with the daycare two months."
>Frohike said.

MIKE: And isn't a green-blooded clone.
'BOTS: What?
MIKE: Well, isn't it obvious?

> "Scully can't know about this--yet. I think I'll take a few
>days off from work and do a little free lance investigating on
>this matter myself." Mulder said to his companions.

>-------------------------------------------------------------------
TOM <Mulder>: Oh, I'm a big fan of "A River Runs Through It."

> "Man of many talents, Scully. Always remember that."

MIKE: None of which ever helps him out, but still...

>Mulder smiled at Scully. "And, I haven't seen Milton Spivey
>since our ten year high school reunion. I'm going to ENJOY
>this vacation."

CROW: Yep, yep, yep. Out fishing, and not looking for your dead sister...

> "Well, happy fishing, Mulder. I guess I'll see you a week from
>Monday." Scully said picking up her purse. "Have a good trip."
>she said as she exited the room.

> "He's lying to me. I just know he is. Mulder doesn't fly
>fish, he hasn't bee
MIKE: I don't think I've ever fumed a word in my life.

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> The last of the children of the Happy Times daycare center
>had just gotten into their cars to depart with their parents when
>Mulder reached the daycare. He opened the d
CROW <accent>: I am looking for Sarah Conner.

> The woman turned to look at Mulder.

TOM <falsetto>: Hey, weren't you in "Red Shoe Diaries?"

> "Hello, Melissa." Mulder said quietly.

>========================================>====

>From: nit...@aol.com (Nita Dee)
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
>Subject: NEW:Descention 2/5
>Date: 13 Dec 1995 11:38:31 -0500

>See Disclaimer in Par
TOM: Of course, considering all the other stuff he believes...

> The woman looked at Mulder curiously.
>"Am I supposed to know you?" she asked.

TOM <falsetto>: Aren't you on Strange Luck?
MIKE <Mulder>: No, I am NOT D.B. Sweeny!

> Mulder looked at the woman closer. It was Melissa Scully,
>no question in his mind.

> "Melissa, don't you know who I am?" Mulder asked the woman.

CROW <Mulder>: People magazine said I'm the next James Dean!

> "Daisy doesn't know who you are, but I know!"

TOM: I know you are, but what am I?

>Alex Krychek entered the room.

ALL: Ratboy!!!

>"Has this man tried to hurt you, darling?"
>He asked Daisy.

MIKE: Nick Lea shows off his Renassaince Festival training.

> "No, Alex. He's just confused. He thinks I'm someone named
>Melissa." Daisy answered.

CROW: And that UFOs are real and Bigfoot exists and more conspricies
are out there than even John Winston would admit to.

> "Daisy, why don't you wait out in the car for me, and I'll show
>this man out." Alex put his hand on Daisy's forearm as a gesture
>of affection.

TOM: Is this the only form of affection FBI agents can show?
MIKE: J. Edgar Hoover said only "Gentle Pressure (tm)" will be
used to show love.

> After Daisy left the room, Krychek pulled his gun and Mulder
>pulled his gun.

CROW <Mulder>: Ha, ha! I see your phallic symbol is as big as mine!

> "What have you done to her, you bastard!" Mulder thundered
>at Krychek.

MIKE: Nope. This isn't working. Mulder never gets P.O.'ed properly.

> "She's not who you think she is, Mulder. She is my love.

TOM <singing>: Love...is a many spendored thing...

>If you will let us leave here tonight, you will never have to see us
>again.

CROW: Except on reruns of "The Commish."

>If not, well, I've killed before and I can kill again." Krychek
>calmly walked towards the door of the daycare center.

> Mulder fired his gun, but Krychek was too quick for him. Krychek
>fired his gun, hitting Mulder in the stomach.

TOM: This is like Reservoir Dogs, only not very good.

> Mulder's world went black.

MIKE: Oh, like that Type O Negative song.

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

TOM: Now Mulder's world goes sticatto.

> Dana Scully pushed through the crowded Emergency Room
>and somehow made her way to the nurses station.

MIKE <Scully>: Quick! Where's Noah Wylie?

> "You've brought in a possible gunshot wound patient named
>Fox Mulder?" Scully demanded to the Unit Secretary.

TOM: UNIT? Like in Doctor Who?
MIKE: No.

> "Are you next of kin?" The secretary asked Scully.

CROW: Hey, that's one of my favorite movies! But I don't
think Gillian Anderson was in it.

> "I'm as close to next of kin as you'll get tonight." Scully
>oozed attitude to the secretary,

CROW: Selling those Saturns must have been good practice.

>who left her desk to get the
>ER doctor.

TOM <Scully>: Oh, it's that Adam Arkin dork! Where's George Clooney?

> "Good evening, Ms. Scully. My name is Dr. Eric Phipps,

MIKE: I prefer Mr. Phipps...or Pibbs.

>the physician on duty this evening. Mr. Mulder was brought
>into the ER via ambulance at 7:15 this evening with a gunshot
>wound to his abdomen. He is in surgery now. The bullet did
>not hit any vital organs,

CROW: Must have been one of those "Magic Bullets" Lee Harvey
Oswald used.

>but we're going to have to watch him
>to make certain that arteries were not severed." Dr. Phipps
>took Scully's arm.

MIKE: Check it out. Gentle Pressure (tm).
TOM <Scully>: But, we've just met!

>"Come, there's a private room where you can
>wait for the results.

CROW: And the results will be: you beat out "Diagnosis: Murder" in
the ratings!

> Several hours later, Dr. Phipps entered the room and gently
>awakened a sleeping Dana Scully.

> "Ms. Scully, he made it through just fine. I'll have to keep
>him in the hospital for a few days to a week, but other than
>that he will be fine."
TOM: Must have been one of those non-fatal bullets.
CROW: Mulder always gets hit with those.

> "When can I see him?" Scully asked.

> "In the morning. He is in ICU now, sleeping. Why don't
>you go home and get some sleep, too?" Dr. Phipps had an
>awaiting security guard escort Scully to her car.

> After entering her car and wavin

CROW <falsetto>: Bye-bye, now. Bye-bye.

>Scully began to crank the starter when a voice from the
>back seat made her stop.

> "Don't start the car yet, Scully. We need to talk."

TOM: Here's a copy of "The Watchtower."

>=========================================>====

>From: nit...@aol.com (Nita Dee)
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
>Subject: NEW: Descention 3/5
>Date: 13 Dec 1995 11:58:01 -0500

>See Disclaimer in Part One.

>Our story thus far: Mulder believes

TOM: Lawrence Fishburn?
MIKE: Samuel L. Jackson?
CROW: Eriq LaSalle?

>He was a man she'd seen on other
>occasions of her life, and she wasn't sure if she liked him.

TOM: Ving Rhames?
MIKE: Blaire Underwood?
CROW: Yappet Kotto?

> "What the Hell are you doing in my car?" Scully growled
>as she pulled her gun.

TOM <Falsetto>: Grrr, I hated "Just Cause!"
MIKE: I don't think he was in "Just Cause."
TOM: Well, I hate it anyway.

> "Temper, temper! Scully, will you please put the gun down
>and listen to me. I know why Mulder was shot and if you don't
>shoot me you will know, too."

CROW: Since when does Mr. X beg for his life?

> Scully withdrew her gun. "Talk." she sputtered.

<All make sputtering sounds>
TOM: Sufferin' Succotash!

> "Look at this." Mr. X pulled a picture out of a manila
>envelope.

MIKE <Mr. X>: Whoops! That's a picture from "Jason Goes to Hell."

>Scully looked at it and gasped. It was a picture
>of Alex Krychek and Melissa!

TOM: Which you can get from QVC for $19.99!

> "What is this?" she asked.

CROW: Glossies from the X-Files Con, but that's not important.

> "A picture taken of a certain Mr. Krychek and a woman who
>calls herself "Daisy Hill".

MIKE: I'm surprised Krychek doesn't call himself "Cypress."

>But we both know that's not her given
>name, don't we?" Mr. X removed the picture from Scully's hands
>and placed it back in the evelope.

TOM <Mr. X>: If I can get them to autograph it, it will be worth thousands!

>"Mulder and his loonies happened
>to discover the existence of Miss Hill. That is why Mulder is in
>ICU now."
>
> "Why didn't he tell me what was going on!" Scully demaned of
>Mr. X.

CROW: Well, you think everything else he says is nonsense.

> "My dear, if I knew what went on in your partner's head, I could
>sleep better at night.

TOM: Um, that's a weird area.
CROW: This whole fanfic is in a weird area!

>You know that you are wasting the best part
>of your career chasing after that schoolboy and his ideas, don't
>you?" Mr. X said.

MIKE: But, she was *told* to watch after Mulder in the first episode!

> "Where is she?! Tell me, you son of a bitch!" Scully's eyes
>shot lasers as she spoke the words.

CROW: Yahh! She's a Terminator!
TOM <accent>: Where is Sarah Conner?

> "I can only tell you where Mr. Krychek currently resides.
>The rest you will have to discover on your own." Mr. X
>then gave Scully a second envelope and got out of the
>car.

CROW: In the X-Files, cars don't have alarm systems.

> "You have not had this conversation, do you understand?"
>Mr. X asked Scully.

MIKE: With bad grammer like that, only Stephen Ratliff would understand.

> Scully nodded and watched the elegant man depart into
>the shadows of the hospital.

TOM: Guess Carter blew the budget again, so no good lighting.

> Opening the envelope, Scully discovered an address:
>
> Ridgeway Apartments
> Unit 215
> Alexandria, Maryland.

CROW: I wonder...do you think Maryland looks like Vancouver?

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> The next morning, a tired but determined Dana Scully marched
>into the Intensive Care unit of the hospital, where a weak but
>awake Fox Mulder laid still in a bed.

MIKE <Mulder>: Scully, I think this green Jell-O is made from
alien DNA!

> "Good morning, Mulder. I see that the fish are fighting back!"
>Scully said to her partner.

TOM: Like that movie, Crime of Passion Fish.

> "Scully--" Mulder weakly began.

> "I know everything that's going on. Mulder, why didn't you tell
>me that Melissa was alive! I wouldn't have kept it from you if it were
>Samantha." Scully paced around the bed, anger flaring her face.

TOM <monotone>: Oh, she's so angry.
CROW <monotone>: Yeah. She's really P.O.'ed now!

> "Scully," Mulder began again, "I couldn't tell you until I was
>sure. I'm still not sure. I just don't want you to repeat what happened
>to me last year when I thought I had found Samantha."

MIKE: So, this is what real writers would call, foreshadowing.
CROW: And what I call giving away the "surprise twist."

>Mulder winced
>with pain as he said the words, more from the pain that he felt he had
>caused his partner and friend more that the pain from the gunshot wound.

TOM: Yes, hurting your partner's non-existant feelings always is more
painful that a bullet in the stomache.

> Scully stopped short. She had momentarily forgotten that Mulder
>had had his own adventure with a "returned" sibling.

CROW: I wish I could forget "Endgame" too.

> "Mulder, your friend, Mr. X, came to see me last night. He gave
>me an address that might help." Scully said.

TOM: Hey, I thought they never had that conversation.
MIKE: And I thought only TV guide calls him Mr. X.

> "Since when was he "my" friend?" Mulder asked, a weak smile
>crossed his face.

MIKE <Mulder>: Sure, he saved me from an exploding boxcar, but
he's still so annoying.

> Scully smiled back. "I think I'll pay a little visit to Mr. Alex
>Krychek."
>She said.

CROW: And ask him when Sliders is going back on the air!
TOM: Crow, it is back on the air.
CROW: You mock me!

>=======================================================>====

>From: nit...@aol.com (Nita Dee)
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
>Subject: Descention 4/5
>Date: 13 Dec 1995 14:19:33 -0500

>See Disclaimer in Part One:

>Our story so far: Mulder ma
CROW <Elmer Fudd>: Be vewy vewy qwiet. I'm hunting Watboy!

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> It was early Saturday afternoon when Dana Scully drove
>her blue Ford Taurus to the apartment complex in Alexandria.

TOM: Yep. Looks just like Vancouver.
MIKE: According to Chris Carter, all of America looks like Vancouver.

> "Unit 215" Scully said softly as she drove looking for the
>building.

> Once Scully located the building, she parked her car and
>walked to the door of the townhouse.

MIKE: No one will be seated during the gripping parking and walking
scene.

>She made certain that
>her purse was open in case she needed to get to her pistol.

TOM: Hey! Scully doesn't carry a purse!
CROW: Fanboy.

> Scully rang the bell of the townhouse and promptly the door
>opened, allowing Scully to stand face to face with a goast.

ALL: "Goast?"

>Melissa, or Daisy, had answered the door.

> "Yes?" Daisy said.

TOM: Or Melissa.

> "Ah--I--" Scully struggled to find the right words.

MIKE: Considering how many times she just stares ahead with
a stupid look on her face, this is nothing new.

>"I have
>reason to believe--Oh, Missy!" Scully exclaimed, emotion
>throbbing in her voice. "It IS you!"

CROW: No, it's just that chick from Wings.
TOM: The one who was in Master Ninja?
CROW: No.
MIKE: The one who was on Dweebs?
CROW: No, the other one.

> Daisy/Melissa looked confused. This was the second
>person in two days to call her Melissa.

MIKE: But...she called her Missy.

> "I don't know what you want. Are you lost?" Daisy asked.

CROW <falsetto>: I don't want to buy a Saturn!

> "Missy, oh, I don't know what they've done to you!

TOM: Trapped her in a bad fanfic. Doesn't she have her own show
now or something?

>Mom
>will be so glad to see you, the boys will too. We've all missed
>you so." Scully, who was usually an emotion-free woman with
>complete control began crying. "My sister, I've got my sister
>back!"

MIKE: You know, it's not too hard to imagine Gillian Anderson
saying these lines. With no emotion, of course.
TOM: Of course.
CROW: And no tears either. In fact, just a monotone.

> This completely confused Daisy.

TOM: Or Melissa.
CROW: Or Mistretta.

>"I have no family, unless
>you count my fiance' Alex. Again, I don't know what you want."
>Daisy said.

CROW: Or Melissa.
TOM: Or Gillano.

> Scully composed herself.

MIKE <falsetto>: I've neglected my Vulcan training!
'BOTS: Fanboy.
MIKE: Shut up!

>"May I come in? I think we've got a
>lot of catching up to do."

TOM: Quick Mike! Daisy (or Melissa) has just met an unknown
woman who insists she's her sister! Her response?
MIKE: Dull surprise!

> Melissa/Daisy invited Scully in and the two women took
>a seat on the couch.

CROW <falsetto>: Would you like some Prozac?
MIKE: This is Dana Scully. Her body chemistry is *made* of Prozac.

> Daisy began "Look lady, I don't know what you want, or if
>I can even help you. My name is Daisy Hill, it has been all
>my life. I've never seen you before or that man that came by the
>daycare yesterday."

TOM: Unless you count "The Rapture."

> Scully paused at this. Maybe this woman wasn't Melissa,
>even though she was identical.

ALL: Clone!

>But then, why would she be involved
>with Alex Krychek? But then, why would Melissa have been involved
>with him?

TOM: And what about the Scarecrow's brain?

>And the man who called himself "X" hadn't HE said that
>she was Melissa? These thoughts flew through Scully's mind
>as she talked to the other woman.

MIKE: What? But...she's hasn't said anything yet!

> The back door suddenly flew open and Alex Krychek entered.

CROW: Surprise, honey, I...whoops, you have company!

>Daisy jumped to her feet and exclaimed, "Darling, please tell this
>nice lady that I'm not her sister."

TOM: With everyone saying "Darling," I feel like I'm watching
Urusei Yatsura.
CROW: Otaku.
TOM: Shut up!!!

> Krychek looked down at Scully.

CROW: She's not THAT short.

> "Hello, Dana. It's good seeing you again." Krychek smirked.

MIKE: But...did they *ever* meet on this show?
TOM: Once, but he and Mulder were trying to kill each other at the time.

> Scully quickly whipped out her

<All clear throats and cough>

>pistol.

ALL: *Whew*!

>"Hands up, you son of a bitch!
>I've come to take my sister home, and you are not going to stop me!"

MIKE <falsetto>: I'm being assertive...if that's okay with you.

> "I don't think so, Dana. This is not your sister. I know, because
>you see I unfortunately was the one who did kill your sister." Krychek
>said as he drew his own gun.

ALL <singing>: You gonna wait 'til, Ratboy! Ratboy! Wait 'til tommorrow!

> Scully gasped.

CROW: Gee. Like she does in EVERY episode.

>Krychek--the murdering bastard who had killed
>Mulder's father, tried to kill Mulder, and assisted in her kidnapping and
>had tried to kill her--he had killed Melissa!

TOM: He was the second gunman at the grassy knoll!

> "You bastard!" Scully growled.

<All make dog noises>

> "Unfortunately, in the game pawns do have to be sacrificed.

MIKE <sarcastic>: Ooh, deep. Does the author think he's
Machiavelli now?

>It was unfortuate--I was to have killed you, not your sister. You
>should understand these things, Dana."

TOM: They're called "plot points." Be careful with them, they're fragile.

>Krychek moved towards
>Scully. "Hand me your pistol." he commanded.

CROW <Krychek>: I've worked with Jerry O'Connell, so DON'T MESS
WITH ME!!!

> Scully fired her pistol at Krychek, but he ducked.

MIKE: So, Ratboy is faster than a speeding bullet.
TOM: If he starts catching them in his teeth, I'm leaving.

>Without
>warning, Daisy jumped into the fight, pulling her arm around Scully's
>neck, holding her tightly around the neck, cutting off her oxygen.

CROW <Lloyd Bridges>: By this time my lungs...
MIKE: Cut it out.

> Scully clawed at the arm, struggling.

TOM: Yuck. "Manos" flashback. Only no white dresses.

>One of her fingernails
>bore deep into Daisy's arm. When Scully retrieved it, she noticed
>that the fingernail was not covered with red blood but a green
>substance like antifreeze.

ALL: Ah-ha!!! <singing> Clone-clone-clone-clone...
TOM: Even while struggling for her life, Dana Scully takes time
out to make acute scientific observations.

> Daisy choked Scully harder. Scully fought her off the best she
>could but this woman--definately not her sister--was too strong for
>her. The hold became tighter still and Scully saw the world go
>black before her eyes.

ALL <singing>: Black, black, black, black! Number ooooone!

>======================================>====

>From: nit...@aol.com (Nita Dee)
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
>Subject: Descention 5/5
>Date: 13 Dec 1995 14:47:33 -0500

>Disclaimer: see part one.

>Our story so far: Mulder has discovered a woma
TOM: Who may be Melissa.
CROW: Or Daisy.
TOM: Or Mistretta.
CROW: Or Gillano.

>Confused? You won't be after this episode of "Soap"---

ALL: D'OH!

>whoops, way wrong show.

CROW: Yeah, "Soap" is a *good* show.

>See what happens when a
>child of the 70's can't go to work one day?

TOM: "Danny!" will show a rerun?
MIKE: Fortunately, that show was cancelled.

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> "Something's on fire. I wonder if Daddy has forgotten
>about the barbecue grill again." This thought began to
>stir in Scully's mind as she began to awaken.

MIKE <sleepy falsetto>: His eyebrows still haven't grown back
yet from last time.

> As she began to stir, she found it hard to move--
>her hands and feet were bound with tape.

TOM: Duct tape! She's done for!
CROW: There's no resisting Duct Tape! It's like the Force!
MIKE: The Force?
TOM: Sure! It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the
Universe together!
MIKE: Oh.

>And her
>breathing was limited to her nose due to a piece
>of tape covering her mouth.

MIKE: Making an annoying whistling sound.

> Dana Scully was in a closet in the townhouse. And
>the townhouse was on fire!

CROW: Oh, I just got a BAD flashback to that "Mothers & Daughters"
Star Trek fanfic.
TOM: I hope Scully and her mom don't have a psychic rapport.

> This thought frightened Scully, for she knew that escape
>was impossible. Why did she have to awaken. It would have
>been so much better to have died of smoke inhalation with
>out the knowledge of what was happening. It was better
>than being bu
MIKE: Yes, Scully wants to face her death in complete ignorance.
TOM: As she faced her life.

> The smoke was already thick, choking her. Scully moved
>her body to the floor of the closet,

CROW: So, what, she was standing up while unconscious?

>but the smoke was nearly as
>thick there as it was in her seated position.

MIKE: Ah-ha! The smoke must be magic, since it didn't rise.

>She needed to
>cough, to clear her lungs, but the tape over her mouth would not
>allow this.

TOM <falsetto>: I wish I could cough...and a fire extinguisher wouldn't
be so bad either.

> The world began to go black again

ALL: Again?

>when suddenly a loud
>thump followed by a flash of light opened the door of the
>closet.

MIKE: I'm Wally West. I'm the fastest man alive.

>Standing over her was Mr. X!

CROW: I get it, I get it. A Dues-Mr. X-Machina.

> Mr. X moved quickly, lifting Scully up over his shoulder.

TOM <Mr X> Geeze, what you been eating?

> "Jesus Christ, woman, you are as bad as Mulder!" Mr. X
>grunted as he ran out of the nearly fully engulfed living room
>and out the front door.

MIKE <Mr. X>: I wish I was back on Jumpstreet, where they
appreciated me.

> Once outside, Mr. X quickly cut Scully's bonds and untaped
>her mouth, allowing her to beathe deeply the fresh air.

CROW: Just smell that sweet Vancouver...er, I mean Maryland air!

>Then, as
>he heard the fire trucks arrive, he ran off to disappear in the shadows.

TOM: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
ALL: THE SHADOW KNOWS!!! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Three days later, Fox Mulder went to Mrs. Scully's house,
>where her daughter was being taken care of after her 23 hour
>observation stay in the hospital. He found her i
ALL <deep voice>: Red Dog!
TOM <Tommy Lee Jones>: Oh, great. Spooky's here to make
time. And he was so bad in "Beethoven."

> The little dog could always sense Scully's moods.

MIKE: Empathic dogs, on the next Geraldo.

>Today
>she was sad, so the little dog was sad, too.

<All make whining and whimpering sounds>

>The little dog's
>mood brightened when he saw Mulder hobble up with a cane
>towards Scully.

MIKE <Torgo>: I'm gLAd tO sEe yOu sUrVIveD thE fIRe, MaStEr.

>He knew that if anyone could cheer his mistress
>up, it would be Mulder.

CROW: Yes, with the Jack Webb monotone, Mulder's the life
of the party!

> Mulder took a seat in the other lawn chair, and after petting
>the dog threw a rawhide chewbone into the yard for the dog to
>chase.

TOM <Tommy Lee Jones>: So, I just chase the bone while you
make time with Dana? I don't think so!

> Scully spoke first. "I haven't told my mother about what I saw.
>I don't think I ever will." she said sadly.

ALL <singing>: And it's all right, all right, all right with me!

> "That would be for the best, Scully--at least until you know."
>Mulder agreed.

CROW: I'd say "Know what?" but this is the X-Files, so I'm used to
vagueness.

> "I was so hoping that maybe it was Melissa, but it wasn't. I
>don't know how they were able to recreate her likeness." Scully
>said.

TOM: Ah, yes, the infamous "They." Though I though "They" were
busy on "Nowhere Man" now.
MIKE: You can't stop "They." "They" are everywhere. "They" are
like the wind.

> "Clones, Scully." Mulder said. "Just like that woman last year
>who claimed to be Samantha."

CROW: Hey, wouldn't it be something if they revealed that the "clone"
really was Samantha, and the Samantha that disappeared was a
clone! And then the "clone" turned out to be still alive! And then the
real Samantha would dye her hair blonde and get a job in a coffee shop!
MIKE: Crow, that's stupid. No one would ever do something as lame as
that...oh, I see.

> "Or, maybe, she was just a look-a-like. It's possible."
>Scully said.

MIKE: Maybe it was Tori Amos?
TOM: That's nice, Mike.

> "With green blood? C'mon, Scully!" Mulder sighed. Scully
>would never believe anything!

TOM: Yeah. Is believing in a 100-year-old lipid-eating sewer-stalking
gentic freak that's been altered by aliens and used by the
government THAT hard to believe?

> "One thing's for sure--Krychek and Daisy have left the country.
>We may never know the truth on this." Scully poured Mulder a
>glass of ice tea.

MIKE: Snapple makes the pain go away.

>"But, I guess, that's what keeps us in business."

CROW: Yeah. God forbid they ever GO ANYWHERE with all these
plotlines and conspiracies.

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

> In a secret laboratory in Maryland, a man with a great fondness
>for Morley cigarettes paces back and forth.

MIKE: Suddenly, we are in the present tense.

> "Damnit, I shouldn't have trusted him again! I've treated that
>boy like a son and again he has disappointed me!"

TOM: Sheesh! Try to blow up a guy's car and he holds a grudge!

>The man roared at the doctor.

CROW: STELLA!!!

> "Oh well, let Alex have his fun.

MIKE: Let him appear at the X-Files Con and talk about begging
Chris Carter not to kill him off.

>It will end in about a month
>if Daisy Hill doesn't have her shots.

TOM <HAL>: Daisyyyyyy, Daisyyyy, give me your answer truuuuue...

>She wasn't ready to enter
>the real world. I tried to tell Alex that, but he wouldn't listen.

CROW: She wasn't ready for wacky characters like Dominic,
Puck or Neil.
TOM: Those weren't characters. Those were real people.
CROW: Whatever.

>One day he'll wake up to find a glob of green mucus in his bed."
>Dr. Ramsey said to Cancer Man.

MIKE: Oh, like that time I had a really bad cold.

> "And in the meantime, we've got the original prototype here."
>Cancer Man walked over to a bed where a comatose woman
>with red hair sleeps on a respirator.

CROW: Switching tenses in the middle of a sentence. Are you sure
this isn't a Ratliff story?
MIKE: Quite sure.

>"Isn't that right, Miss Scully?"
>Cancer Man asked the comatose woman.

TOM: This is like "While You Were Sleeping" only backwards.

> Melissa Scully didn't answer him, but she heard him and opened
>her eyes briefly.

CROW: And then shut them, since comatose people don't open
their eyes.

>Then, she lapsed again into a dark safe world that
>was nearly, but not quite, beyond the sea.

MIKE: Oh, nothing like poetry to end a fanfic.

>THE END

ALL: Yeah!

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Merry Christmas! I hope you all enjoyed this!

ALL <O.K. sign>: It stinks!
TOM: Let's go.
<Mike and Tom leave, but Crow stays behind>

>Thanks for a great seven months and I'll be
>reading--and reading--and reading!!!!

CROW: And reading, and reading, and reading, and it'll never
stop, and go on and on and on and on and- AHHH!!!!!
<Mike's hand reaches in and yanks Crow away.>

>Nita Dee

<6...5...4...3...2...1>

What do you think, sirs?

Bobby C.