[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 3b of 9)

[Shay_...@letterbox.com]

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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 3b of 9

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 6
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MIKE: Um, the Knights Who Say Nix?

>
> "The walking care package that Daddy gave me just seems to keep on
> giving.

ALL: Ewwwww!

> He's thrown in

TOM: His hat.

> several computer programs from Davey's world that
> started to help us out the moment we installed them. Look at the stuff I've
> added to Nicole. . .
> <She calls up the hologram>

CROW: [ phone ] Ring ring ring!
MIKE: [ Sally ] Hello, hologram?

> "Stacker takes existing hard drives and increases their size by more
> than double. This will really give us more storage space for our little
> friends. . .

CROW: Ewwww!
TOM: Say hello to my little friends!

> Windows is a graphic based operating system that's so easy,

TOM: [ snort ]

> even Amy Rose can be computer literate in no time.

TOM: Yeah, if she doesn't mind 99% of her time being spent fixing up after a
crash!
CROW: Servo, you die soon.
TOM: I'd like to see you try.

> What used to be a
> complicated list of commands is now a simple click on to a small graphic
> called an icon. . . WordPerfect is, by far, the best word processing
> computer program I have ever used.

MIKE: [ Sally ] Of course, I'm 3 weeks old.

> It does everything except stuff

MIKE: [ Sally ] You know, stuff. It doesn't do stuff.

> your
> letters into the envelopes and mails them itself. . . "
> Suddenly,

CROW: The lights came on with suddenness.

> Robotnik was shown in a cave, having his spare tire blown to
> hell by a missile. He collapses

CROW: Suddenly.

> into his own pool of blood and guts.

TOM: OK, hands up, everyone, who *doesn't* wish that was Davey Crockett
there?
CROW: [ imitates crickets chirping ]

> Some
> of the villagers gasped at the sight, others were cheering by the time they
> heard a gravely voice

TOM: That should be either "grave" or "gravelly".
MIKE: So either he messed up spelling or he messed up grammar?
TOM: Pretty much.

> go, "Hell, yer face

CROW: [ gravely voice ] --no, David Gonterman--

> or yer @$$; what's the diffrence?"

TOM: Good one, Crow!
CROW: I've played that game before.
MIKE: Guys... oh, never mind.

> "Alright, Sally! I haven't been here one week, and already, I caught
> someone playing Duke Nukum

CROW: Nukem.

> 3D!!!" "Man, that was cool, a little gross, but
> cool." Sally giggled nervously. "How the heck did that program got in
> there."
> "SIMPLE SALLY, YOU INSTALLED IT IN.

ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh...

> I DID WARN YOU ABOUT THE MA-17
> RATING."
> "yeah, right. . . " "You like that game, Sal, and you know it." "You're
> eyes were saying 'no,' but that numb thumb of yours was saying

CROW: "Pootertoots".
TOM: Is that dirty? I can't tell.

> 'Yes!'" "rub
> it in you guys. . . A-ha!

MIKE: Auf Wiedersehen!
CROW: Abracawhatchamacadabracallit!
TOM: Ah-choo!

> This is the one I was looking for; the

CROW: [ Sally ] Nude stallion pictures. [ He turns and looks at Mike. ]
MIKE: It's OK. Just don't continue.
CROW: I won't.

> schematic
> drawing for the process Davey was half-roboticized in. Oh, I found a disk
> for you to transfer those parameters in."

TOM: Well, whoop-de--
MIKE: Ahem.
TOM: --crap.
MIKE: Thank you.

> "Okay, Sal." Davey said as he slipped the disk into his forearm disk
> drive."

CROW: Who's talking?!

> "I beg your pardon, my preencess, but what ess all theese talking about
> Daveed's robot arm?"

TOM: [ Antoine ] And hass aneeone seeen moi's brain?

> Sally went up to Davey to retrieve the disk. "Because this robot arm is
> more advanced than anything found on Mobius, Antoine. This design my father
> used is almost indistinguishable from a real living arm,

TOM: Oh, except for the big radar dish on the elbow.

> especially in this
> compact mode and with the hologram on. You'll actually feel fox fur; it's
> even warm to the touch; and . . . <she stopped in surprise,

MIKE: [ Sally ] Ew! There's some sort of growth here!

> then softened
> her voice>

CROW: [ Sally ] Oh, Davey...

> . . . a pulse. . . I feel a pulse. . .

TOM: [ Davey ] Sally's skipping. Someone nudge her.

> Nothing roboticized should
> have a pulse. . . " Everybody gasped in astonishment. "Are you askeeng moi

MIKE: [ Antoine ] To give a speech describing the Declaration of Independence?
TOM: You didn't do the accent.
MIKE: If you think I'm even going to *try* that accent, you're crazy.

> that that

CROW: [ Yakko Warner ] Betcha can't say *that* three times fast!
TOM: [ Dot W. ] That that that.
MIKE: [ Wakko W. ] She's good.

> arm's alive?" "If this' not a cure, it's certainly

CROW: A vintage 1984 Dodge Dart!

> the next best
> thing." "Man, wait til Uncle Chuck hears about this!"

TOM: He'll pee his pants!
CROW: He has no pants.
TOM: Oh yeah.

> "Hold on for a moment, Sonic. We don't know if we can pull this off
> first. Tests need to be made."

MIKE: Fanfic tests.
CROW: IQ test... negative. Plot test... none. Length test... 3 lines.
TOM: We wish!

> "I want my Uncle Chuck to be the first one treated, Sal. He was the
> first one roboticized, it's only fair."

MIKE: [ Sonic ] And I wanna!!

> "Okay, Okay. After the test, we'll do Charles first."

CROW: Ewwww!

> Sally then turned to the audience.

ALL: Y-y-y-e-s-s-s?

> "Besides, we've got other things to
> do: Mr. Crockett, of course, needs a place of his own to live in. We have a
> good number of volunteers to do the building already. . ."

CROW: Using fiberglass and baking soda.

> "I want to help 'em out, Sally. It's going to he my home after all."

MIKE: Here on Ventriloquist's Isle!

> "Not right now, Davey. I need you for a courier run. I need you to go
> to Minoc Grove to get some supplies. I'd go there myself, but I'm kinda
> buzy tonight."

MIKE: I'm going to listen to "Flight of the Bumblebee".
CROW: And I'm meeting Swarm for lunch.

> "Sure thing, ma'am."
> "An' I'll tag along t' show ya the ropes."

MIKE: [ holds a noose up to the screen ]
TOM: [ Sonic ] I meant that figuratively.
CROW: Where'd you get the noose?
MIKE: It was under the seat.

> "Tag along, Sonic? That ain't your style. You're the kind that likes
> to lose trailers in the dust."

MIKE: Hey, there's that down here too!
CROW: Dust?
MIKE: No, a trailer.
CROW: Wha-huh?

> "Not with that bike Rotor's working on, Big Daddy

TOM: Pink and Mean Green Monster Brain.

> ."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CROW: The world's largest arithmetic question.

>
> But first, Davey had to link up with Nicole to get a shopping list for
> the Minoc Grove errand run. It includes two pictures of critters that needed
> to be picked up.

MIKE: Is Davey really the right person for the job?

> "THE CAT IS MELANIE, A MARTIAL ARTIST AND A PREVIOUS
> FREEDOM FIGHTER. SHE IS ANTOINE'S GIRLFRIEND,

TOM: [ snort ] Right.
CROW: Isn't that Bunnie?
TOM: Fanboy.

> AND HE WENT ON AHEAD TO MINOC
> GROVE EARLIER TO MEET HER. THE CHAMELEON IS CLEO. SHE'S MELANIE'S YOUNG
> WARD. TAILS KNOWS HER WELL, THEY USED TO DATE."
> "Tails? I thought he was with Amy Rose."

CROW: Please, no reminders!

> "AND CLEO, AND CHUCKLES, AND NINA, AND EVEN A ROBOTIC DUPLICATE THAT
> RESEMBLES AN 8-YEAR-OLD VIXIE. . . OH, SONIC AND TAILS HAVE JUST ARRIVED."
>
> "Hey, Tails, you Heartbreak Kit, how's life."
> "Uh-Oh, Big Guy. Davey's found out about your love life!"

ALL: Or lack thereof.

> "Aw, no." Tails hid his head under his arms.
> Sally came by with a bag of Mobians.

TOM: In it were Sonic, Chuckles, Antoine, Bunnie, Chuck...
CROW: I think the actual term for the money is "Mobiums".
TOM: Fanboy.
MIKE: Man, two "fanboy"s on one page.

> Apparently, they used the 'coins
> only'

MIKE: All bills will be shot on sight.
CROW: [ duck ] Quack, quack, quack... QUAAAAACK!!!

> monetary system, as it appeared

ALL: Out of thin air!

> heavy when she tossed it to Davey. "A
> little something to get something for yourself while you're there, Dave.

CROW: But there's only robots in Robotropolis, all of whom are unfriendly to
living beings.
TOM: They're going to Minoc Grove, Crow.
CROW: Oh yeah.

> Consider it as your salary. Just don't spend it all in one place, okay?"

MIKE: [ Davey ] Wow, a whole 5 cents! Thanks!

> "Does it include Psycho Pay, Sal?"
> "Oh, Sonic. . .

TOM: [ Sally ] Oh, you moron, you worthless piece of crap.

> Rotor's done with your hoverbike, you can pick it up."

CROW: [ Davey ] I tried, but I couldn't lift it! WAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Wow, Rotor. You've worked all night."

MIKE: [ singing ] Worked all night...
BOTS: [ singing ] Oooh, baby...
MIKE: [ singing ] Oooh, working up all night...

> "Yeah. Tinkering's a hobby for me. I just can't sleep at night without
> messing around with anything mechanical.

TOM: [ Rotor ] It's an obsession.

> I've covered all the outside
> surfaces with solar cells to reduce fuel consumption, and added 50
> horsepower to the engine. I've installed a force field at the nose to act
> like a front bumper."

ALL: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!!

> "You're an artist in your field, Rot."

MIKE: [ Monty Python-esque ] Oh, rot you!

> Davey hopped on the bike. "Your
> Data Spear acts as the bike's starter key, and you can control it through
> your interface."

CROW: [ Beavis ] Heh-heh-heh, he said "interface".
TOM: [ Butthead ] Huh-huh-huh. "Interface".

> The Data Spear appeared from its hiding place under
> Davey's left wrist, and snaked its way into place. The twin 'tire' blowers
> sprang into life,

TOM: The Happy-Go-Lucky Reaper!

> rushing air straight down. The hydraulic twin stands that
> held the bike up lifted up and snapped into place.

BOTS: Transformers!
MIKE: Robots in disguise.

> Davey found the clutch
> pedal, and the turbine in the back produced a little forward trust,

MIKE: [ Aladdin ] Do you trust me?

> just
> enough to take itself out of Rotor's garage.

ALL: Bo-oring.

> Sonic and Tails saw him appear. "Wow!" "Davey Crockett!

MIKE: Leader of the *crap* frontier!

> Big Daddy!
> Jucin' it up on a hog of his own!!" Sonic revved in place.

CROW: Ewwww!

> Davey squeezed
> the throttle. Both produces

ALL: [ snicker ]

> copious amounts of dirt

MIKE: Next, on Jenny Jones!

> as they staged in front
> of an imaginary drag strip 'Christmas Tree.' The roar became deafening. An
> orange glow growled from behind both of them.

TOM: Gentlemen... Start your engines...
MIKE: One... two... five!
CROW: Three, sir.
MIKE: Three!

> And then all three of them simply vanished, leaving behind a thunderclap
> as air rushed to fill the space that their bodies once occupied.

TOM: They're dead! Party!
MIKE: [ singing ] Party... let's have a party...
CROW: Yee-ha!

>
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> Page 7
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALL: D'oh!

>
> "You know what's the best thing about being the boss, Snivley?"
> Packbell said as he stood next to Snivley's bed. "You can sleep in late

ALL: Woohoo!
MIKE: Too bad we're not the boss.

> after a rough night, or go back to bed and start a day over, and not worry
> about getting your butt chewed out by someone like Ro-Butt-Nik. And I heard
> that things didn't go exactly as planned last night, as usual."

CROW: [ Packbell ] You got slapped by five babes?
TOM: [ Packbell ] Lucky dog!

> Snivley was groggy

MIKE: Nice to meet you, Groggy. I'm Mike Nelson.

> as he crawled out of bed. "Who the phrack let you
> in?"

TOM: [ Packbell ] Twiki.
CROW: [ Packbell ] Key.
MIKE: [ Packbell ] Number Five. Oh, he's alive, you know.

> "Oh, I came in through the vents, like any stinking Freedom Fighter.
> You know me, Boss. I'll always give you crap."

MIKE: [ Packbell ] I just can't think of any better birthday presents!

> "You better believe that I'm the boss, and don't you ever phracking
> forget it!" Snivley got a cup of the usual crappy coffee

MIKE: [ Snively ] I'm taking the last cup and I don't have to make more 'cause
I'm the boss!

> and stood in front
> of a terminal. "Computer, run surveillance tape of last night. Filename:
> Crockett."

TOM: O' Crap.

> A video tape recording of a human with a robot left arm

CROW: Me or Tom?
MIKE: Neither. It's Gypsy.
TOM: I dunno... looks like Cambot to me.

> appearing from

CROW: Left field?

> The Void was played. "It appears that another player has entered the game."

MIKE: [ announcer ] And-- what's this? A robot-armed human has entered left
field! It's anybody's game now!

> Another monitor showed a snapshot of the human's head

ALL: Ack!

> and whatever data it
> had on him at the time. It wasn't much: Just the who, Davey Crockett, and
> the why: Delivering a message to Princess Sally.

CROW: She needs to be reminded to breathe every once in a while.

> "This has King Acorn's
> name written all over it.

MIKE: See, there's one right there! "King Acorn"! And another!

> He must've known that Robotnik is gone somehow,
> so that he knew exactly when to send him. What's his game?"
> Packbell turned to the playback and cringed.

TOM: [ Packbell ] I've got "morning face".

> "Obviously hardball."

CROW: Which is odd, because he--
MIKE: That's enough.

> He
> switched on the audio. "No, you fool! Not so early in th--"
> Both were blasted with a Death Metal guitar lick which accompanied this
> particular scene in the tape:
> [Sung in a fake-prosessed

TOM: I'm reading that as either "fake-processed" or "fake-possessed".

> growl]

CROW: Rrrrowr!

> MY MISSION IN LIFE IS TO

TOM: Get tickets to a Rush concert.

> SEE YOU DIE, JAMNIT

ALL: [ burst out laughing ]
CROW: "Jamnit"?!
TOM: The J key isn't even *near* the D key!
MIKE: That has to be the silliest error yet!

> I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE
> I'M THE HARBINGER OF YOUR DEATH

CROW: Thank you!
TOM: Kill us! Hurry!
MIKE: Put us out of our misery!

> I'M YOUR NOOSE

MIKE: [ holds up noose again ]

> --YOUR RAZOR BLADE-----
> YOUR LETHAL INJECTION

TOM: [ singing ] I'll be your noose, I'll be your blade, be everything that
you need...

> I'M SENDING YOU BACK TO OZ, TIN MAN--
> IN PIECES!!!

CROW: Yeah, just blow chunks, Crockett!

> With his jetpack blowing flame behind him, Davey Crockett looked like
> the Avenging Angel

ALL: Which one?

> as he charged a squad of six Swatbots head on, his eyes
> glowed an angry red so bright you can't see the eyeballs.

MIKE: Hide, guys! He's coming!!
TOM: No sweat.
CROW: We can handle this just like the rest of the fanfic.

> Each hand held a
> rifle that he fired indiscriminately into his quarry.

CROW: [ Fred Flintstone ] Yabba-dabba-doo!!

> One shot removed a
> Swat head in a grotesque blossom of

MIKE: Lotus.

> metal, oil, and circuitry. Another one
> got clipped by the knees, toppling it to the ground.

TOM: Just let him try that on me! I *have* no knees! Ha!

> A third got in the way
> of a decapitating clothesline.
> Crockett landed on the just-crippled Bot with a gut-squishing stomp,

MIKE: [ robot ] Wait, I'm friendly! I wanna help! I-- <*bzzt*> oh, never mind.

> sending upwards a geyser of oil that popped the top off like a cork. He
> growled at his fourth victim and pounced on top of it, knocking it down to
> the ground. He reached back with his robot arm and dove it right into the
> Swat's chest,

BOTS: Yick!

> grabbing its oil pump and ripping it out. Davey held the
> still-functioning robot 'heart' up like a trophy,

BOTS: Double yick!

> then dropped it to get at
> the remaining two Swats.
> He grabbed Swat #5 by the neck with his left hand and wrung that Swat
> around like a chicken, knocking #6 off a wall and into his right hand. A
> panel sprang out from underneath the left forearm and a metallic spear on a
> cord spat out, snaking around Davey's back and playing 'Alien' with #6 as
> #5's head fell off because it's neck was squeezed into the diameter of a
> toothpick.

ALL: WHA-A-AT?!
MIKE: That was *so* stupid!!
CROW: What is this, dubbed from Martian by a deaf-blind-mute-retarded person
who types with his feet?!

>
> Davey lifted #5 up high above his head, and with a scream that sounded
> like it came from Hell, he brought the Bot crashing into the camera.
> COME ON, SAY IT------

BOTS: [ whiny ] We don't wanna!

> ROBOTNIK SUCKS!!!!
> I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL: [ crickets chirping, frogs croaking, that sort of thing ]

>
> The screen went to white noise for a few seconds before showing Davey's
> standing up to Mecha Sonic, and the subsequent breaking out with even more
> of the previously viewed carnage, but both Packbell and Snivley were still
> in shock . "Snivley, my man,

CROW: [ Packbell ] Kiss me.

> that guy is a wacko. He's sick. He's out
> there like phracking Pluto. He is gone."

MIKE: Y'know, for once, I agree with Packbell.

> "Maybe. I think he's just a rookie punk out looking for respect.

CROW: And I agree with Snively.

> He
> needs to be knocked down some, that's for sure.

CROW: Twice, in fact.

> <sighs> He's probably a
> Freedom Fighter by now, the Knothole scramblers won't let me pinpoint his
> location.

ALL: We'll tell ya!

> It would be easier with that robot arm--"

MIKE: Blown to bits?
TOM: Glued to the floor?
CROW: Up Davey's--
MIKE: CROW!!!

> An alarm sounded saying that Davey Crockett has been spotted outside of

MIKE: [ announcer ] The building. Repeat: Davey has *left* the building!

> the great forest. "He's headed for Minoc Grove, and going as fast as Sonic!"

ALL: [ bored tone ] Wow.
CROW: Just like every other being who comes to Mobius from another world.

> Snivley got an visual I.D.

TOM: But his picture looked terrible.
CROW: He was having a no-hair day.

> He took a double take at the large fox
> riding a hovercycle going 65mph, but the coontail cap and robot left arm was
> a dead giveaway.
> "Nice fur coat, Crockett. How'd ya get the blood out?"

MIKE: [ Davey ] Palmolive.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 8
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: Let's *please* be late!

>
> The hovercycle darts in and out of Sonic's wake as the hedgehog zoomed
> through the trees on the outskirts of the Great Forest. Tails was tucked
> safely in between Davey and the control panel. "This is

CROW: So, so wrong.

> way past cool, Uncle
> Davey! You're going as fast as Sonic on this thing!"
> "'Uncle' now, eh? You know if anybody's actually clocked that
> hedgehog?"

TOM: We'd like to clock him... ON THE HEAD!

> "I dunno. Nobody has figured out how fast Sonic can actually get."

MIKE: Let's see... so far his maximum speed is five miles per hour.
CROW: Three, sir.
MIKE: Three miles per hour.

> "Well, I guess I have to find out, won't I?"
> Davey edged the cycle directly behind the blue hedgehog.

MIKE: Ramming thpeed!!

> He acquired a navigational lock on him.

MIKE: Whoa, he *is* gonna ram him!

> A large speed display appeared on the panel. 75 mph.
> The hovercycle slowly accelerated into tailgating area.

TOM: Y'know, in an anthropomorphic world, the term "tailgating" could take on
a whole new meaning!

> "Hey, Hedgehog! I thought your name was 'Sonic!'

CROW: [ Sonic ] No, actually, everyone calls me "Maurice".

> Get it outta first,
> will ya?"
> "So you wanna race with me, Big Guy? JUICE TIME!!!"

MIKE: Hey, he spelled "juice" right!

> 87 mph. Hedgehog and hovercycle floor it.

TOM: And the friction burns them to a crisp. The end.

> 100 mph.

TOM: Crap.

> 125 mph.

CROW: So...

> 200. The nose of the bike crept closer.

MIKE: Hm.

> 275. And closer.

TOM: I feel like we should be doing *something*.

> 350. "Hey! Don't crowd me, Dave!"

MIKE: So, how've you two been doing recently?

> 425. "Never heard of drafting, have you?"

CROW: Fine, fine. I'm working on "Earth vs. Soup Interactive".

> 475. "If you think you can pass me....."

TOM: I've been reading a bunch of comic strips.

> 525. "Face it....."

MIKE: Like what?

> 550. "...Sonic..."

TOM: Let's see, there's Limpidity, Kevin & Kell, Upper Crust, Sabrina Online,
Madam & Eve, Ivory Tower--but that one's discontinued--Melonpool,
Falling Dream, Dexter, Class Menagerie, After Life of Bob...

> 565. "...I can..."

CROW: Jeez, that's a lot!
MIKE: After Life of Bob?

> 580. "...take more..."

TOM: You heard me.

> 600. "...than you..."

MIKE: Can you show me some of those later?

> "Yeah, but can you stop on a dime?"

TOM: Sure. They're all web based.

> Sonic slid to a stop.

CROW: I wanna see too!

> Crockett blown past the hedgehog.

CROW: [ snicker ] "Crockett blown"?

> A brick wall was dead ahead!!!!! 600 mph.

CROW: Hey, guys! Davey's headed for a brick wall at 600 mph!!
MIKE: Really?!
TOM: All right!

> 550. "Bail, Prower!!"

MIKE: [ Tails ] No, I plan to stay here and get crushed on a brick wall *with*
you.

> 500. Tails was thrown into the air.

TOM: Fweee!

> 450. The two-tailed fox spun his brushes to safety.

CROW: Yes, art supplies can save your life!

> 375. Davey cut off the turbine.

TOM: Snap!
CROW: Crack!
MIKE: Pop!

> 275. Retro-rockets bellow out from the nose.

ALL: Fwooooosh!

> 150. Davey popped a wheelie to put the blowers out in front.

TOM: Gah?
CROW: Fwa-huh?
MIKE: [ whiny ] I don't get it.

> 75. "Oh, no!"

CROW: Oh, *yes*!

> 50. "I can't look!"

TOM: I can!

> 25. The hydraulic stands go down.
> 10. "He's gonna crash!!"

MIKE: Woo-hoo!

> 5. "AAAAAAAA!!!"

ALL: AAAAAAAALL RIIIIIIIIGHT!!

> Zero Miles per Hour. The hoverbike lands into a perfect parking spot,
> with a good foot of fresh Mobian air between the nose section and solid
> brick, and an inch between the forward stand and a 10-Mobian coin.

ALL: Damn!!
MIKE: Another letdown.
TOM: Ah well.
CROW: Not like we actually believed it.
MIKE: It was fun to hope for a minute, though.

> "I don't
> believe it!" Sonic exclaimed. "he really did stop on adime!!"

TOM: Mike, what's an adime?
MIKE: The grade that Sprint lady gets on her report card.
TOM: Really?
MIKE: No.

> Davey stood triumphant. "Thank you, thank you. No need for alarm. I
> knew exactly what I was doing all the time."
> "Great, Crockett. <Sonic took a deep breath and collected himself.>

CROW: [ Sonic ] Ew, I splattered all over! Gotta go collect up my flesh.

> Don't get cocky, okay?"
> "Who, Me?"

CROW: It's capitalized.
TOM: Does that mean Davey is God?
MIKE: Only in his dreams.

> "Er, Tails, do I act like that."

MIKE: [ Sonic ] Do I forget to put in question marks too.

> "Oh, no, Sonic. You never stop that far away from the walls. C'mon,
> Uncle Davey. I know where to get Aunt Sally's stuff."

CROW: [ Tails ] See, there's this drug dealer near--
MIKE: OK, just stop right there.

>

CROW: Looks to be the end. Or something.
TOM: For now.
MIKE: [ picks up Tom ] So, you think you could show me some of those comics?
TOM: Sure...

[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]

[ INT SOL. Everyone's in front of a computer-- Tom has his laptop, Crow is
using the odd-colored one featured in the MSTings "Three Music Videos" and
"Two Shades of Sally", and Mike's tapping away at a palmtop one. ]

MIKE: Hee hee hee! Oh, that Ralph. Won't he ever learn?
CROW: Man, Bob's in the wrong place at the really wrong time!
TOM: Kinda sudden, eh, Amy? No wonder Thomas fled!
MIKE: [ looks up at Cambot ] Oh, hi-ho, friendly readers! We were just looking
at some of these web comics. Cambot'll show the web addresses during the
credits, right? [ Cambot nods ] Anyway, I'm gonna go get a snack. You
guys keep browsing. [ He leaves. ]
TOM: [ waits until a few seconds after Mike is gone, then... ] Netscape.
CROW: Internet Explorer.
TOM: Netscape!
CROW: Internet Explorer!
TOM: NETSCAPE!!
CROW: INTERNET EXPLORER!!
MIKE: [ o.s. ] Guys, what are you doing?
BOTS: Nothing, Mike.
MIKE: [ o.s. ] Good.
TOM: Hey, here's a neat site! It's about us!
CROW: Hm?
TOM: Yeah! It's called "Web Site #9"--
CROW: Cambot, give me Web Site #9! Hee hee! [ The view starts to fade. ] No, I
was just kidding. [ It returns to normal. ]
TOM: Honest mistake.
CROW: So, it's about us?
TOM: Yeah! It's got a huge archive of the riffings we've done on fanfics,
spam, and postings! It's got Artemis' Lover--
CROW: Yeuggh! Don't remind me!
TOM: --Rangers of NIMH 1 and 2--
CROW: Gag. Ga-a-ag.
TOM: --*16* Stephen Ratliff stories--
CROW: I'm gonna barf up my CPU any minute now.
TOM: --and a whole bunch of Abians, John_-_Winstons, Robert E. McElwaines,
and more!
CROW: Man, Sounds like someone has a *lot* of time on his or her hands.
TOM: Yeah. It's by-- [ Tom stops and stares. ]
CROW: What?
TOM: What's Mike's full name?
CROW: "Michael J. Nelson". Why? Who made the site?
TOM: "Michael K. Neylon". [ Both bots stare at the laptop screen. ]
MIKE: [ returns, munching a cookie ] Hiya. Hey, you guys found my web site!
BOTS: Huh?
MIKE: Yeah! Recently, I've been archiving all of these MSTings in my spare
time.
CROW: Uh, how'd ya get the Joel-era ones?
MIKE: Dr. Forrester had them saved. I managed to hack in.
TOM: Hmm. You need a better pseudonym.
MIKE: Well, it's worked! Not one person has e-mailed me thinking I'm who I am.
CROW: But are you?
MIKE: Of course! I think.
TOM: Wait, if you're not who you say you are, then who are you?
MIKE: I'm me! Well, I guess I'm me.
TOM: My head hurts now.
CROW: Oh, big change.
TOM: Why you--
[ The Commercial Sign flashes. ]
MIKE: Just cool down. We've got Psychic Network Sign, and we'll be right back.

[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of part 3b of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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