MiSTed: A BLATANT "HOLOCAUST" LIE!
TICK
Yes, we're goin' to Gannon country...
As always, the standard Gannon disclaimer. I do not support the
views of Gannon of the BDA. I have a functioning cerebellum. This
MiSTing is not intended to validate Mr. Gannon's beliefs. It is
to mock them, mercilessly, until he runs home screaming like
a woman. (Heh heh.)
****************************************************************
(1...2...3...4...5...6...7)
MIKE is reading a paper when CROW & TOM walk in.
CROW: Hey, Mike, where'd you get a newspaper?
MIKE: I conned Frank into sending them up via the Umbilicus.
Had to catch up on "Prince Valiant," ya know.
TOM: Prince Vailant?! Don't you read, like, Calvin & Hobbes
and stuff like that?
MIKE: No, I'm more into Mary Worth, Apartment 3-B, you know...
CROW: My God...so _you're_ the one!
MIKE: What?
TOM: Legend has it that all those cruddy "reality" strips are kept
alive by one newsreader, one person who reads and enjoys them.
Why, if we got rid of that one person, every newspaper the world
over would have room for "Dilbert..." "Fox Trot..."
CROW: "Sylvia..."
TOM: No, probably not that. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The BOTS slowly approach MIKE.
MIKE: Guys? Back off, huh, guys? GUYS!
(Deep 13)
FRANK: Personally, I always liked Mallard Fillmore.
Dr. F: Way to be evil, Frank. Well, my little print-stained scribes,
we've got a little something from alt.conspiracy today...
(SOL)
The BOTS are praying behind MIKE.
MIKE: Conspiracy, huh? That doesn't sound too bad.
CROW: Please, no...not that...
(Deep 13)
Dr. F: Well, this'll wipe that smile off your face, Nelson! It's
A BLATANT "HOLOCAUST" LIE by Dan "Happy Boy" Gannon!
(SOL)
The BOTS are reduced to tears.
MIKE: Oh, _no_. Not Herr Gannon again!
TOM: Not Gannon! Anything but Gannon! Manos II! Ed Wood!
Even Ratliff! But not Gannon!
CROW: Couldn't you send us, I don't know, a bunch of McElwaine
posts instead?
(Deep 13)
Dr. F: No, I don't think so...it's time for a little re-education.
And remember, if myopia has a name, it must be Gannon.
Send it to 'em, Frank, schnell!
FRANK: Jawohl, Steve.
(SOL)
ALL: AHHHHH! WE GOT POSTING SIGN!
(7...6...5...4...3...2...1)
>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: jake.esu.edu!netnews.upenn.edu!newsserver.jvnc.net!howland.reston.ans.net!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!emory!nntp.msstate.edu!olivea!hal.com!decwrl!netcomsv!netcomsv!banished!dgannon
>From: dga...@banished.com
>Subject: A BLATANT "HOLOCAUST" LIE!
CROW: CAUSE I'M A LIAR! YEAH I'M A LIAR!
TOM: I told you not to let him listen to Rollins.
MIKE: But it's fun!
>Message-ID: <940313173...@banished.com>
>Organization: Banished CPU - (503) 232-6566
TOM: Banished--we wish.
>X-Mailer: TBBS/PIMP v2.41
CROW: Well, PIMPin' ain't easy.
>Distribution: world
MIKE: THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING! THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!
>Date: Sun, 13 Mar 94 17:34:15
>Lines: 90
>
>
>
> Below is a brief excerpt from the ALBUQUERQUE JOURNAL, Wednesday,
>January 16, 1991, page B5 ("TV Tapes Revise History of Holocaust"):
>
CROW: I'll bet Dateline NBC has something to do with this...
>___________________________________________________________________________
>
> Jewish organizations and the cable channel have received complaints
>about the programs, which are being sponsored by 42-year-old Tychicus Landon
>of Albuquerque. Landon identifies himself as a U.S. Postal Service clerk, a
>disabled Vietnam Marine veteran, and a "dropout" Reagan-Bush Republican.
MIKE: Kinda fitting, since Reagan-Bush were responsible for so many
dropouts...
TOM: Republicans and Nazis...hmmmm....
MIKE: Don't go there, Tom.
>The tapes are part of his personal collection of material from historical
>revisionist publishing houses.
TOM: Yes, you too can collect and trade material from historical
revisionist publishing houses!
CROW: Trade you some Warren Commission pages for that JFK autopsy report!
>
> Historical revisionists, Landon said, don't deny that Jews were
>persecuted during World War II, nor do they deny the existence of
>concentration camps.
MIKE: They simply deny that Shakespeare wrote those plays alone.
>"What we're saying is there was not one documentation
>of gassings and mass murders. The documentation that does exist from
>autopsies done on the victims showed they actually died from typhus and
>other diseases."
TOM: Oh, well that makes it all right--huh?
>
> That assertion, said Joel David Brooks, executive director of the
>Jewish Federation of Greater Albuquerque, "is outrageous and a blatant lie."
>___________________________________________________________________________
CROW: You callin' Duane Barry a liar?
>
>
> As always, the "Holocaust" propagandists are the ones who are doing the
>BLATANT LYING! Of course, what Mr. Landon said is absolutely true, and here
>is documentation (sources cited in footnotes):
TOM: Oh God, he's got footnotes...WE'RE DOOMED!
>
>
> When American and British forces overran western and central Germany in
>the spring of 1945, they were followed by troops charged with discovering
>and securing any evidence of German war crimes.
MIKE: And so was formed...THE DIRTY DOZEN!
>Among them was Dr. Charles
>Larson, one of America's leading forensic pathologists, who was assigned to
>the Judge Advocate General's Department.
CROW: And father of Gary Larson, who later went on to create the lovably
off-center The Far Side.
>Dr. Larson performed autopsies at
>Dachau and some twenty other German camps, examining on some days more than
>100 corpses. After his grim work at Dachau, he was questioned for three
>days by U.S. Army prosecutors.*1
MIKE: So, like, was it all gross and stuff in there?
TOM: Did you see guts and stuff?
CROW: Huh-huh. Guts are cool.
MIKE: I'm tellin' you, there's something very familiar about that show...
>
> Dr. Larson's findings? According to an interview he gave to an
>American journalist in 1980, "What we've heard is that six million Jews were
>exterminated. Part of that is a hoax."*2
MIKE: Okay, give or take a few. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
> And what part was the hoax? Dr.
>Larson, who told his biographer that to his knowledge he "was the only
>forensic pathologist on duty in the entire European Theater,"*3
TOM: You can take the pathologist out of the theater, but you can't
take the theater out of the pathologist.
>informed
>"Wichita Eagle" reporter Jan Floerchinger that "never was a case of poison
>gas uncovered."*4
CROW: Sure there were bullet holes..._lots_ of bullet holes...
MIKE: Crow.
CROW: Physical abuse, knife marks...
MIKE: CROW.
CROW: Then there were the leftovers from Mengele's place! Phew!
MIKE: CROW!!
>Neither Dr. Larson nor any other forensic specialist has
>ever been cited by any Holocaust historian to substantiate a single case of
>death by poison gas, whether Zyklon-B or any other variety.
TOM: So what's he saying? Because they didn't use poison gas, that
makes it all right?
MIKE: You know, two mass murder methods don't make a right.
TOM: Very profound, Mike.
>
>FOOTNOTES:
CROW: This widdle piddy went to market. This widdle piddy stayed home...
>
> 1. _Crime Doctor_, a biography of Larson by John D. McCallum, Mercer,
> Washington & Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, 1979, p. 69.
MIKE: Let evil-doers beware...for I am...THE CRIME DOCTOR!
>
> 2. _Wichita Eagle_, April 1, 1980, p. 4C.
TOM: Hey, there's a superhero team in there! The Crime Doctor and the
Wichita Eagle! Fighting for justice and being ever vigilant
against Nazi gasbags.
>
> 3. _Crime Doctor_, p. 46.
CROW: Yes, the Crime Doctor, in his secret identity of Roland Cabbage,
fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice and Medicare!
>
> 4. _Wichita Eagle_, April 1, 1980, p. 4C.
>
MIKE: And as the Wichita Eagle, Link Sausage soars over Kansas,
putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time
that his next leap...
TOM: Wrong show, Mike.
>
>
> Such blatant lies spread by the Holocaust Lobby are truly innumerable.
CROW: Such putrid garbage from Gannon is truly immeasurable.
>I know from first-hand experience.
MIKE: I've committed a few mass murders in my day.
>How can these people continue to get
>away with such horrendous, slanderous lies? They must be stopped!
TOM: I WILL NOT BE MOCKED!
>
> Truth and justice are NOT mere fairy tales -- not if I have any say
>about it! That is why they slander me, too.
CROW: No, we slander you because you're a raving twit.
>
> Stand up for the truth; "step into the skin of a monster." Wear their
>slander as a badge of honor. Never betray your principles!
TOM: Stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you!
>
>
>Semper Fidelis (always faithful),
MIKE: Semper Thickskullum (always braindead),
>
>-Dan Gannon
CROW: Gannon..wasn't he the villain from "The Legend of Zelda?"
TOM: You know, I think you're right?
>
>
>
> Banished CPU supports Freedom of Speech!
MIKE: Whether factual or not.
> ___________________________________________________________
> | |
> | -=> How to access Banished CPU's public FTP Mail Server: |
CROW: You must be able to goosestep in great big jackboots.
MIKE: You must know all the words to "The Merry Widow Waltz."
TOM: Transvestites preferred but not essential.
> | Send regular Internet E-Mail to "FTP...@BANISHED.COM". |
> | Include in your message the command "GET BANFTP-L.TXT". |
> |___________________________________________________________|
CROW: Wasn't that the show with Teresa Graves? "Get Banftp-L.Txt!"
MIKE: How do you pronounce that?
TOM: Speaking of being banished, guys...
MIKE: Good idea. Let's get outta here. I feel so _dirty_!
(1...2...3...4...5...6...7)
(SOL)
MIKE and the BOTS are crowded around a TV screen. Sounds of gunfire
erupt from the TV.
CROW: This feels good, doesn't it?
TOM: Yeah, after a Gannon post, it's always good to purge yourself
and remind yourself of the true intentions of the Nazi menace.
MIKE: Go get 'em, Indy!
(Deep 13)
FRANK: Boy, Dr. F, sure was a lousy post you sent them today.
Dr. F: Indeed, Frank. Evil is one thing...ignorance is another.
FRANK: That wasn't a moral, was it, boss?
Dr. F: What? Of course not, you boob. I'm just saying if we're going
to have evil, I want it to be well-informed evil. Speaking
of which, I'm going to watch Schindler's List again. Amon
Goeth, now _he_ knew what was going on! Push the button, wouldja?
FRANK: Semper Fidelis, boss.
(Blackout.)
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