MiSTed: Reboot -- Breaking the Barriers [ 3 / 4 ]
Joseph Nebus
the pieces pretty well moved around; a few houses are scattered
around the board, including one on Free Parking. GYPSY, CROW,
and JOEL are waiting. CROW seems deep in thought. ]
MAGIC VOICE: Why is it always the guy whose turn it is who goes missing?
GYPSY: Would you notice if somebody else left?
JOEL: OK, we give him another minute then go on.
[ TOM SERVO pops up. ]
JOEL: Hey, Magic Voice, can I buy the Peanuts edition from you?
MAGIC VOICE: But you can't do anything with it.
JOEL: I know, but I like Peanuts.
MAGIC VOICE: Give me a turn to think it over.
JOEL: Fair enough. Hey, Crow, buddy, you awake?
CROW: [ As JOEL nudges him. ] Oh! Joel, do we really know that Ariel,
Disney's The Little Mermaid, and Adam West were different people?
JOEL: [ Taken aback ] Well, one was a cartoon, who could sing, and who
was surrounded by colorful and zany characters.
GYPSY: And the other was a mermaid.
CROW: Yeah, but did we ever see them both at the *same* *time*? And if
we did, did we know the 'Adam West' wasn't a robot or Alfred in
disguise?
JOEL: Uh ... well ...
[ As ALL ponder this, TOM jumps up. ]
TOM: Greetings!
JOEL: Ah, Tom, it's your turn. [ He rolls the dice. ]
TOM: Please, do not be alarmed by my presence!
CROW: We're not. We want to know if you're buying the Disney edition.
TOM: Yes, I am Thomas Servo. I come to you from the "real world"!
In it, you are all the beloved characters from a famous
television show.
[ Two beats. ]
CROW: All right, Tom, and where are you going with --
TOM: I'm new to this world! Don't fear me.
GYPSY: He's not gonna buy the title.
JOEL: [ Giggling ] So would you like some of our un-real food?
TOM: Why, yes, please.
JOEL: OK. So what do we give a visitor to our reality?
CROW: Ten seconds to go or pass.
GYPSY: How about a RAM chip?
JOEL: Or a block of cheddar cheese?
TOM: White Castle burger would be nice.
CROW: Roll for Cambot, Joel. [ CAMBOT quickly nods. JOEL rolls;
he moves the piece. ]
JOEL: You know what I'd like, my first meal in a new dimension?
A thick chocolate shake.
CROW: Fine, then. Kaya buns.
GYPSY: Hey, that's my square. [ JOEL takes $80 from CAMBOT's pile and
gives it to GYPSY. ] Maybe we should take him to a restaurant?
JOEL: Old Country Buffet for somebody from another dimension?
TOM: I'd be fine with Popeye's too.
CROW: Now, see, I'd say the Latham Circle Diner or Shalimar's is more
representative of our reality.
GYPSY: Or the 76 Diner, on Route 9.
JOEL: The Chinese buffet just south of there.
[ JOEL rolls, advances GYPSY's token. ]
MAGIC VOICE: The one with the pizza slices? And the Philly cheesesteaks?
GYPSY: Yeah!
JOEL: That's the one.
TOM: Yes, this will do nicely.
CROW: Ok, you going to drive, Joel?
JOEL: Yeah, let's go.
[ JOEL starts to leave; GYPSY and CROW follow, leaving TOM alone. ]
GYPSY: Shotgun!
MAGIC VOICE: [ A moment behind GYPSY ] Shotgun!
CROW: [ Leaving camera ] Aw, you always get shotgun.
JOEL: [ Leaving camera, voice fading ] The rules are the rules.
Hey, what's with this Adam West/Little Mermaid thing?
GYPSY: [ Off-camera, fading ] Usually you think like that at the start
of the day's experiment.
CROW: [ off-camera, faint ] I don't know, it just came up is all.
[ Several beats. ]
TOM: I don't think I'm interacting with this reality well.
[ TOM look around. ]
TOM: Hey, the Coca-Cola edition's mine! Crow owes me!
[ MOVIE SIGN flashes ]
TOM: And now we've got movie sign too... JOEL!
[ 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. ]
[ THEATER. TOM is by himself. ]
>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
TOM: It's a very confused trail of ants.
>
> Part Eighteen
TOM: This was the original title of Part Twenty-Two.
>
> As Megabyte wandered through the crowd, he wondered if
> everything about him had changed.
TOM: You ever feel like the world's Manhattan
and you're Greater Sudbury, Ontario?
> He certainly felt different. His
> normal viral impulses had given way to stronger and stranger ones.
TOM: He's becoming a compulsive spender.
> For some reason, all these people surrounding him, seemed like prey.
TOM: Even his bunny books seem empty to him.
> Yet, they only talked to and interacted with each other. He could see
> no evidence that anyone looked upon him as a predator.
TOM: Maybe Canadians just don't naturally distrust mall-walkers.
> And he also
> had this knowledge that he was now able to infect them, but not as a
> virus.
TOM: So interdimensional portals give you a lot of exposition?
> Unsure of these feelings, he simply continued to wander
> through the crowds.
TOM: And he's attacked by a focus group that wants to know
if he likes new Durian Coke.
>
> As Carrie and Bob ran into the crowd of people, they began
> looking for Megabyte.
TOM: He'll be easy to spot, since he's the only guy at the mall
with a proper name.
> "Can you see him?" Carrie asked. "No." Bob
> said.
[ JOEL, CROW file in. JOEL cracks open a fortune cookie. ]
TOM: About *time*, guys.
JOEL: "Your friends are often surprised by your kindness."
TOM: That's an ambiguous fortune.
CROW: It's your cookie, Tom.
[ JOEL feeds the cookie pieces to TOM. ]
> "He's no where in sight." "Maybe we should split up and look
> for him that way." Carrie said. Bob thought about that for a second.
JOEL: Scooby, Shaggy, and Velma can check the basement.
We'll check the attic.
> "O.K." he said, "But, I'm giving you Glitch's extension peice. If you
> find him, call me through Glitch. Don't confront him alone."
CROW: Yeah, that advice will last for seconds.
> Carrie
> blushed at his concern for her well being. "Thanks," she said, taking
> the extension. "I'll be careful."
MAGIC VOICE: [ Startling JOEL, TOM, and CROW ] Fifteen seconds until
Carrie is captured. Fifteen seconds.
JOEL: [ Recovering his composure ] I knew that.
TOM: Did *not*.
> Bob smiled shyly, then did
> something really unexpected. He stepped close to Carrie, and kissed
> her gently on the cheek. "I don't want you to get hurt."
CROW: But it is, after all, Ape Law.
> He
> whispered, then turned and entered the crowd. Carrie just stood there
> for a moment, shocked and pleasantly surprised.
JOEL: [ As Carrie ] Boy, this couldn't be any better, nothing
could possibly happen to me now ...
> *I'm glad Dot's not
> here.* she thought, *Or I'd be in BIG trouble now.*
CROW: [ As Carrie ] I'm glad I started wearing high heels today.
And this chic tight skirt, sure, I can't run, but I look great!
> Smiling, she took
> off in the other direction to look for Megabyte.
TOM: [ As Carrie ] It's going to be a nice easy shift, and good,
'cause it's just two days until my retirement.
>
> As Bob ran swiftly through the crowd, his mind raced at an
> even greater speed.
JOEL: Did you know the fastest computer in the world is a PDP-11
that's been dropped from a helicopter?
> *Where did that come from?* he wondered, *Why in
> the world would I kiss Carrie, and never Dot? Is she so different?*
TOM: [ As Bob ] Maybe it's me. Maybe *I'm* Carrie, and she's Dot.
Does that make sense?
> His mind was a flurry of questions as he realized something. He
> didn't even know what Megabyte looked like as a human.
CROW: D'oh!
TOM: Just because he's the Guardian of Mainframe doesn't mean
he can handle a Kaybee Toys.
> Carrie hadn't
> told him. *Well, no wonder,* he thought, *After what you did, how
> could she be thinking straight?*
JOEL: 'Cause girls turn stupid when they kiss.
> Bob knew Carrie liked him. He
> turned, deciding to see if he could find her.
CROW: You left her ten seconds ago, how hard do you have to look?
> *Wait,* he thought, and
> pulled Glitch from his pocket. "Glitch," he said, "communication to
> extension."
JOEL: Kirsten to Bridge?
> Glitch beeped, then processed the request. After a
> couple of seconds, it beeped again, this time, puzzledly.
JOEL: Kirsten to Engineering?
> 'Connection
> unsuccessful. No reply.' Glitch displayed. Bob stared at the screen in
> shock.
CROW: Bob's the kind of person who hangs up on the second ring.
> "Glitch, trace location of extension." Glitch displayed a
> small map with a blinking dot.
TOM: You're here, and she's got the traveller's cheques there.
> Closing Glitch, Bob ran to the spot it
> had shown him. Looking around, Bob couldn't see Carrie anywhere.
CROW: I bet he wishes he had traceroute up and running now.
> Then, he looked down at the ground. There was Glitch's extension, and
> it was crushed.
JOEL: Absolutely heartbroken!
> The gravel on the ground showed signs of a struggle.
TOM: Yes, Carrie's pager fought back brilliantly.
> *No!* Bob thought, then something else caught his eye. Picking it up,
> he realized what it was.
CROW: Shiny things are pretty!
> It was a broken necklace, bearing the name
> 'Mouse'.
TOM: [ As Bob ] Somebody else had a "Mouse" necklace too!
>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>
CROW: Couple more pieces and we can make a Lego axe.
> Part Nineteen
>
> Carrie struggled and fought against Megabyte, trying
> desperately to break free.
JOEL: She should trace a little green marker around his edge.
> "Now now," He rumbled, "You know that
> won't do you any good."
TOM: You'd think this could attract the attention of the mall cops.
> Carrie continued to fight, hoping to loosen
> his grip enough that she could slip away. *If I can just get to Bob,
> or tell him about this somehow!!*
CROW: [ As Carrie ] Oh, why couldn't I have been pulled into
the world of Scooter Computer and Mister Chips?
> she thought, *He could get me out of
> here.* Megabyte dragged Carrie behind one of the generator trucks,
> and set her on the ground. "If you scream," Megabyte said,
TOM: You'll be in SOOOOO much trouble...
> "Your
> punishment will be very severe." Carrie's eyes widened as he spoke.
JOEL: He's not a very good makeout artist.
> *Oh, God!!* she thought. Megabyte was no longer a virus, but he
> wasn't human either.
TOM: Not to suggest that all Armani-wearing white guys are
evil inhuman monsters out to destroy the world.
CROW: There are nearly two dozen guys who aren't.
> He looked normal, except for one thing. He had
> fangs. *Just like a...Oh No!!* Carrie's mind raced. Only one kind of
> creature had teeth like that, but they weren't supposed to exist.
CROW: They're not real, like Megabyte.
> They were myths!! *He's a....a ....Vampire!!* Carrie's mind screamed
> at her. She sat unmoving as Megabyte removed his hand from her mouth.
TOM: Oh, sheesh... now cut that out!
JOEL: I dunno, I could buy it when the computer pulled Carrie into
"Reboot," but this is getting kind of out there.
> "Good." he said, standing up straight. Carrie looked up at him.
> "What do you want with me?" She asked him. He chuckled richly. "You
> are the bait to catch a Guardian." He said.
JOEL: You and this can of mealworms.
> "You are my ensurance
> that he will send me back to Mainframe."
TOM: You just *left* Mainframe.
> He thought silently for a
> few seconds, then smiled, evily. "Maybe even to the Supercomputer!"
CROW: Did he even have to *go* to the mall?
JOEL: His plan was to get out of Carrie's bedroom, lose Carrie and Bob,
wander around, find Carrie and Bob, and get to Carrie's bedroom.
>
> Carrie pulled her knees up to her chest, and hugged them
> tightly. *What am I going to do?* she thought, *I can't let this
> happen!*
TOM: Dare him to squeeze into a wireless networking card!
> She started to try and come up with a plan. If she could at
> least get him away from the Carnival, that would help.
CROW: What good luck -- outside the Hudson's Bay they just opened
a new "World of Garlic and Silver Bullets"!
> She looked
> over at Megabyte. he was turned, looking at the Midway, expecting Bob
> from that direction.
TOM: We all expect Bob from one direction or another.
> *Maybe I can get away by going around the other
> way.* She straightened her legs, silently, then tried to stand up.
CROW: With her legs straightened that's kind of tricky.
> "I wouldn't try that if I were you." Megabyte said, not even turning.
> Carrie looked at him, surprised. *How did he know?* she wondered.
JOEL: He's got eyes in the back of his head!
TOM: It's not well known, but Megabyte *is* a Mom.
>
> Suddenly, Megabyte was hit in the chest by a flying brick.
CROW: Ignatz Mouse is *way* off base this time.
> He
> stumbled slightly as Bob came racing around the corner of the booth
> beside the truck. "Alright, Megabyte."
TOM: I'd give Carrie ten bucks to put Dig Dug here instead.
> He said, "This ends here!"
> Megabyte picked up the offending brick, and casually tossed it to the
> side. "Now, Bob."
JOEL: You could have hit someone with that. In fact, you did!
> He rumbled, "If you want your friend returned in
> one peice, I suggest you take me into the Supercomputer."
CROW: And, uh, any supplies of Krazy Glue you have would be appreciated.
> Reaching
> over, Megabyte caught Carrie before she could even attempt to run.
> Carrie turned to Megabyte.
TOM: [ As Carrie ] Oh, yeah, big strong guy, you can catch
a girl who's *sitting*.
> "I don't care what you do!" She shouted at
> him. "I would rather have you kill me then see you get into the
> Supercomputer!!"
JOEL: [ As Bob ] Don't look at me, I don't know how you get
into the Supercomputer from here.
> Megabyte smiled evily, and Carrie began to tremble
> with fear.
CROW: [ As Megabyte ] Run that first part by me again ...
> "I don't have to kill you," he said, "I have another
> ability I can use."
TOM: He can apply his extensive knowledge of Gilbert and Sullivan.
> Carrie's eyes widened in fear as he once again
> clamped his hand over her mouth. He lifted her off the ground
> slightly, and pulled her head to the side.
JOEL: Bob's got other things to do this scene.
> Smiling quickly at Bob, he
> opened his mouth, revealing his long fangs, then his head descended
> towards Carrie's neck.
CROW: How does he know to do that?
> *Nooooo!!!* Carrie's mind echoed Bob's scream
> as she felt Megabyte's fangs sink deeply into her skin.
JOEL: We're veering dangerously close to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
territory now.
TOM: If Carrie had gone straight to the police,
this would never have happened.
>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>
JOEL: Hadrian's Wall, the early years.
> Part Twenty
>
> Carrie's mind began to whirl. Nothing like this had ever
> happened to her before.
CROW: Except that one weekend she saw Yancy Street.
> She began to panick, kicking and fighting
> feebly against Megabyte's iron grip. She could feel herself losing
> conciousness, when Megabyte suddenly pulled away and looked at Bob.
TOM: His venom turned her into Silver Age Lois Lane.
> "Now, Bob." he rumbled, " Your friend will not be harmed any further
> if you do as I asked."
JOEL: Hey, should Carrie and Bob have garlic breath that chases him off?
> Carrie hung limply in Megabyte's arms. She
> tried desperately to speak or lift her head, but she had no energy.
CROW: Her neck deflated!
> She could see Bob out of the corner of her eye, and she watched in
> horror as he looked down at the ground, submissively. "Alright,
> Megabyte."
TOM: Megabyte is *this* close to crossing the line.
> He whispered. "I'll bring you back, but you have to allow
> me to look after Carrie." Megabyte chuckled.
CROW: [ As Megabyte ] "Dilbert" was really funny today!
> "You are in no position
> to bargain, Guardian." Then he smiled, "But, I am not totally without
> mercy."
TOM: Aren't you supposed to be?
> He held Carrie out for Bob to take. Carrie could feel Bob's
> arms, and suddenly she was free of Megabyte's grip.
CROW: [ As Megabyte ] Whoops -- slipped!
>
> She felt safer in Bob's arms, yet she was terrified at the
> same time.
JOEL: Megabyte doesn't have a way of soothing people around him.
> Bob couldn't let Megabyte into the Supercomputer!! He
> could conquer any system if he got into the Armory!
TOM: Within days the world could be flooded with spam and dopey
online petitions.
> She struggled to
> force her body to move. She had to tell Bob not to do it!! Then she
> realized something.
JOEL: Turning into a vampire could be really cool.
> If Bob had Glitch, then the tear wasn't a portal
> anymore.
CROW: That's a sentence we've never seen before.
> How had Bob gotten through?
TOM: Maybe the tear was still a portal.
> Did he have someone helping
> him? Her mind was a jumble of questions as they entered her house and
> went down into the basement.
JOEL: [ As Carrie ] Why does Megabyte want my laundry?
> As they approached her computer,
> Carrie's fear grew.
CROW: They might find her archive of naughty Animaniacs pictures!
> This meant that Bob really was going to allow
> Megabyte into the Supercomputer to save her. She had to stop him!!
TOM: They're not saying a lot on this hike home.
JOEL: It's that awkward silence where they were quiet too long
to just start talking again.
>
> "Now, Bob. I want a portal to the Supercomputer's Armory."
> Megabyte demanded.
CROW: [ As Bob, bargaining ] I know how to make Google's
translate-to-Elmer-Fudd your home page.
> Bob gently placed Carrie on her couch, brushing
> the hair off her forehead gently. "Don't worry," Bob whispered to
> her. "I know what I'm doing."
TOM: First time for everything, huh?
> Carrie smiled weakly, "I don't want you
> to let him through just to save me." She whispered hoarsely.
JOEL: But a promise is a promise...
> "Now,
> Guardian." Megabyte interrupted. Bob stood up and turned to Megabyte.
> "I'll do it." Bob said,
TOM: But before I do, I want you to sing "You're A Grand Old Flag."
Two verses.
> "But you have to allow Carrie to stay behind,
> to make sure she'll be okay."
CROW: [ As Bob ] Uhh... will you fall for that?
> Megabyte smiled. "Certainly," he said
> softly,
TOM: We wouldn't want to keep his hostage around until
after his demands are met.
> "We wouldn't want her to suffer, would we?" Bob pulled Glitch
> from his pocket and opened it.
JOEL: Scotty, beam us up.
> He quickly pressed the 'send recorded
> transmission' button Glitch had provided.
TOM: He's pirating free TV!
> Silently, Glitch sent the
> message to Bob's accomplice waiting on the other side.
>
JOEL: Unfortunately, it's mistaken for that Nigerian financial scam.
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>
CROW: It's a road map of Shipshewana, Indiana.
> Part Twenty-One
>
TOM: This is the chapter Charles van Doren helped with.
> He stood silently, peering at the tear before him. *Why do I
> always do this?* he thought.
CROW: For the love of the game?
> *I have better things to do.* He
> crouched down, extending his right blade slightly, and started to draw
> in the dust on the ground.
JOEL: If Marvel Comics owned Marvin the Paranoid Android.
> He was just becoming interested in his
> doodles, when his Web-Echo Collector chirped softly.
CROW: He accidentally created Flash animation.
> Looking around
> quickly, Symble made sure there were no more viral binomes around.
TOM: He sent them all back to Newton for binomial expansion.
> He
> had dealt with the ones that had followed Megabyte quickly enough that
> they had no time to call for backup.
JOEL: And by 'dealt with' we mean 'killed.'
> He pulled the small Collector
> from his belt and listened to the message from Bob.
TOM: [ As Collector ] Bob Bob bo bob, banana fana fo fob,
mee mi mo mob --
CROW: Click! Bzzzzzzz...
> 'Symble,'
JOEL: Shephard.
> his
> Collector said, 'I need you to open a portal to the Chalo Omega
> System's energy transport.
TOM: Wouldn't it solve the problem to beam Megabyte to whatever
company owns Amiga this week and let them go bankrupt?
> You have to be ready for Megabyte.'
>
CROW: How scared can we get of a villain who fits on
one three and a half inch floppy?
> The transmission ended and Symble stood up. He walked toward
> the tear, and extended both blades.
JOEL: Oh, this scene's just here for the symbolism.
> He stopped just in front of it,
> and closed his eyes in concentration.
TOM: Ohwaaaaa...
JOEL: Tagooooo...
CROW: Siammmmm...
> His breathing slowed and he
> lifted his blades toward the tear.
TOM: If those are conductive blades he could be
setting himself up for a *nasty* shock.
> As they approached the sides, he
> opened his eyes again. They had become completely silver.
CROW: The sides, the blades, or his eyes? You make the call.
JOEL: Silver the color, or silver the metal?
> He looked
> forward unseeingly as his blades touched the sides of the tear. The
> energy began to course through his arms, and then his body,
CROW: Found the capacitor!
> yet he
> didn't react in any way. He stood like that for a nano, then
> something incredible happened.
JOEL: He was hired as acting coach for "Enterprise."
> The tear flickered briefly, then
> became a silver sphere,
CROW: It's a giant dime! Thundarr the Barbarian was looking for those!
> the same silver as Symble's eyes had become.
> He stepped back and, blinking, his eyes returned to the usual black on
> red.
JOEL: This is a strange form of color-blindness to catch.
>
> Another person was looking on, quietly from the shadows.
CROW: Polonius!
> She
> had witnessed the whole scene with Megabyte and a sprite she had never
> seen before.
TOM: It's Carrie's mom, she's reading the story!
> The Guardian had followed behind, after foolishly
> testing this new virus.
JOEL: These British newspapers are quirky.
> What she couldn't figure out was why this
> virus had helped Bob follow her brother. Hexadecimal was glad to see
> him go.
CROW: Binary, octal, and sexagesimal were torn and undecided.
> Now she had all of Mainframe to herself. Yet, she felt
> compelled to simply sit and watch the virus as he guarded the portal.
TOM: It's not the virus so much as it is the flying toasters.
> She found him intriguing, almost as though she knew him from
> somewhere.
JOEL: She saw him on an earlier episode of the show!
> What she found especially facinating was the fact that
> this virus could also form portals, but by using tear energy, rather
> than his own, as she did.
CROW: Never underestimate the power of a good cry.
> *I must meet this new one.* she thought,
> then stepped from the shadows.
>
> Symble's ears turned as they picked up a sound behind him. He
> whirled and looked around warily. "Who is out there?"
CROW: Carrie hasn't decided yet who to have in the story. Sorry.
> he asked the
> silence, "Show yourself!"
JOEL: At least do some funny shadow puppet tricks!
> He stood, poised on the balls of his feet,
> ready to pounce, when a very feminine virus stepped out from the
> shadows.
TOM: What makes a computer virus feminine?
CROW: After deleting your files, it works out how you
and she feel about what she's done.
> "You don't have to worry about me." she murmured,
JOEL: I worry for me, so you don't have to!
> "I pose
> you no harm...yet." Symble watched as her mask changed to a
> suspitious one.
TOM: [ Laser noises ] Ptoo... ptoo ptoo...
> "But, what are you doing in my brother's territory?"
> Symble looked at her, surprised. "Your....Brother?"
CROW: Luke?
>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>
JOEL: That's actually a very funny joke, but only on Hollerith cards.
> Part Twenty-Two
CROW: The house is busted. Can we leave?
TOM: No.
>
> Bob stood silently, watching the computer screen for any sign
> that Symble had succeded.
CROW: The smiley face isn't sign enough?
> He had teamed up with him in the hopes that
> Symble would be trustworthy enough to keep helping him.
JOEL: That's probably wiser than teaming up with Phong, Dot, and Enzo.
> He had heard
> rumours about a sprite and a virus initializing a child, but he had
> passed it off as fanciful speculation.
TOM: Mixed dating? Unthinkable!
> When Symble told him he was a
> hybrid, he had remembered all those rumours and whispered stories.
CROW: But after he met Symble's lovely parents Sarek and Amanda,
he underestood.
> Suddenly, Carrie's computer began to beep,tearing him from his
> thoughts. Bob looked over at Megabyte. "That should mean that
> Glitch was successful."
TOM: Or that she's wanted on Yahoo Messenger. I'm not sure.
> he told him, "This should take you to
> Mainframe. I'll follow after."
CROW: [ As Bob, snickering ] Right behind. Yup. Just head on in...
JOEL: Doctor *Robotnik* wouldn't fall for a stunt like *this*.
> Megabyte looked down at Bob. "I
> trust you wouldn't try to doublecross me."
TOM: Even though he'll never get as good a chance again ever.
> He rumbled, suspitiously.
> "I can't." Bob said. "I don't belong here either."
CROW: I'm not even supposed to be here today.
>
> Bob turned and walked over to Carrie. "I'm going to go after
> Megabyte
JOEL: [ As Carrie ] But he's right here.
TOM: [ As Bob ] No, I mean I'm going in after him.
> so I can keep my end of the bargain." Bob said,
CROW: The bargain was he'll let Megabyte go.
> "You'll be
> okay. Won't you?" Carrie nodded. "I know about vampires."
JOEL: How?
> she
> assured him. "He didn't do enough damage to seriously hurt me.
CROW: She can replicate spare parts and be back to operational in
just a couple star dates.
> But I
> want to go with you!!" Bob shook his head. "I don't want you to be in
> any danger." He whispered, "You'll be safer here."
TOM: Besides, I don't want to tell your parents about the vampire thing.
> He turned to see
> Megabyte being pulled into the computer screen.
JOEL: It's a good thing Carrie has a wide screen monitor.
Can you picture them all squeezing into a Macintosh SE?
> Carrie forced herself
> to sit up.
>
> "I'm going with you." She told Bob, then pulled herself up
> onto her shaky legs. She lost her balance, and started to fall.
JOEL: Looks like she picked the wrong week to start
roller skating everywhere.
> Bob
> caught her, and Carrie wrapped her arms around him, startled by her
> inability to stand.
TOM: [ As Bob ] Carrie, uh, me leaving is more effective if I go.
> "Be careful!" Bob said. Carrie looked up into
> his eyes as he supported her weight.
CROW: Meanwhile Megabyte's had enough computer time to conquer
the mainframe ten times over.
> She hated not being able to
> recover quickly, but yet, she loved being held by Bob.
JOEL: Like she was the entire walk back from the mall.
> She smiled at
> him sheepishly, and he returned it with his killer smile. Carrie's
> imagination began to fly. She had hoped for this moment for so long!
> To be held by Bob was a dream come true!!
TOM: To hold Bob here while Megabyte conquers his home computer
and all he holds dear!
> She continued to stare into
> his eyes, hoping he would sweep her off her feet, like he did in her
> dreams.
[ ALL hum theme from 'Romeo and Juliet' ]
> Instead, he picked her up and put her back on the couch.
> "You just stay here."
JOEL: Or I'll turn this computer around and take you right ...
oh, you're home.
> he said, softly brushing her cheek. "I'll be
> seeing ya!" And he dove through Carrie's computer screen.
TOM: Wait, they should've swapped e-mail addresses.
>
> Carrie wasn't about to be left behind. She got to her feet
> again, and dove towards her computer before her legs could give out.
CROW: Unfortunately, only her head and torso made it through before
the portal closed again.
>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
JOEL: It's an ergonomically designed light saber.
>
> Part Twenty-Three
TOM: Skidoo!
>
> Symble stood warily as this virus approached him. He didn't
> like the way she was looking at him.
JOEL: He's creeped out by that popping out the eye and waving it around.
> It made him feel like a peice of
> hardware on sale in the shops lining Picadilly Circuits.
CROW: Picadilly? I hardly even know a ... wait.
[ JOEL puts a hand on CROW's shoulder. ]
TOM: Since this story was written Picadilly Circuits has
become a Radio Shack in Houghton, Michigan.
> "Who are
> you?" he asked. The virus smiled, revealing sharp teeth.
TOM: Martha Ray, Denture Wearer.
> Symble
> stepped back cautiously. "You needn't fear me yet." Hexadecimal said.
> "I am Hexadecimal,
JOEL: Thinkit will be so glad to know.
> and I control Lost Angles, for now." She stepped
> closer, and Symble hissed warningly, baring his fangs.
CROW: Wouldn't it be funny if his teeth fell out right now?
TOM: The vampire fangs would be scarier if he didn't have
the kooky googley eye glasses and Groucho nose too.
> "I may be half
> virus, but don't provoke me.
TOM: Unless his other half is Neville Chamberlain.
> I will erase anyone who threatens me.
> Virus or Sprite." Hexadecimal giggled.
CROW: Hey, they're chattering vampire teeth!
> It was a rather unpleasant
> sound, and it made Symble all the more uncomfotable around this virus.
JOEL: He should change his laugh sound to that charming ting noise.
> He was getting very close to the portal now, and he could feel the
> energy radiating from it.
TOM: [ As Bela Lugosi ] PULL the STRINGS!
> "Come now." Hexadecimal said. "You're new
> around here, and I want to know who you are."
>
CROW: Why not check his web site?
JOEL: There's spiders in it.
> Suddenly, someone stepped out of the portal. He was a virus
> once again, and he prefered it that way.
TOM: We now join our plot already in progress.
> He looked over to find the
> virus that had sent him through the portal in the first place standing
> in front of Hexadecimal.
JOEL: Enik?
> This virus was poised defensively, and he
> could tell that Hex found this rather amusing.
CROW: It is ... oh, you kind of have to be here.
> Megabyte extended his
> claws.
TOM: I bet it's a real bad day when that happens by accident.
> Virus or no virus, this newcomer had meddled in business other
> than his own, and he would pay dearly. Before Megabyte could do
> anything, he was hit from behind.
JOEL: Uh ... woops ... I meant to say, 'Fore' ...
> He was thrown to the ground, and he
> could feel someone standing on his back. "Attack my partner?
TOM: Please!
> I don't
> think so." Bob looked down at Megabyte, and then stepped off him.
CROW: This way Megabyte can escape and wreak havoc again.
> "I
> agreed to get you here, but I'm still not going to let you hurt anyone
> ." Megabyte stood up, and casually brushed himself off.
TOM: Oh, he's doing his classic "Little Tramp" routine.
> Symble
> turned and looked at Bob. "So, you've returned." He said. "I guess
> this means the next move is mine."
CROW: They're playing checkers by e-mail.
>
> He turned toward the portal, fully extending his blades.
JOEL: And he's embarassed because today
he only put on the cheese slicers.
> Before he could reach it, someone came diving through it.
TOM: Uh-oh ... we could be looking at a Carrie-ka-bob.
> Symble
> caught the figure, and looked into the face. It was Carrie. She was
> unconcious and partially erased.
CROW: Fortunately, Bob read the article in Compute!'s Gazette
about how to undo the 'NEW' command.
> Symble turned to Bob as he ran
> forward. "Oh no!" Bob said, "I told her not to follow me!"
TOM: Maybe this was pure coincidence.
> He took
> Carrie from Symble and picked her up. She was very weak. Her energy
> had been almost completly drained.
JOEL: The Pizza Hut didn't save her life after all?
> She was even becoming transparent.
CROW: Aw, that's just because her skin's the Chroma-Key color.
> *I have to get help!* he thought. He pulled out his zip-board.
> Before he could get on it, Megabyte grabbed his arm. "Guardian." he
> said.
TOM: You said you'd call.
> "You still have your end of the bargain." Bob just looked at
> him. "I'll keep my end." he told him.
JOEL: Look, it's the fifth door on the right, just after the bathroom.
Sheesh.
> "But first, I have to help
> Carrie." Megabyte frowned. "Only if I go with you." he rumbled,
> ominously.
TOM: Or what, he's going to attack Bob and almost kill Carrie?
> Bob started to protest, then thought the better of it.
> "Alright." he said. "Let's go."
>
TOM: Did they even need to *go* to Canada?
JOEL: With those scenes the story qualifies for better tariff rates
in the Commonwealth.
TOM: Oh.
> * * * * * * * *
> * *
>
> Part Twenty-Four
CROW: I hope we get up to part 28, 'cause that's a perfect number.
>
> Bob stood silently at the entrance to Dot's Diner, Carrie
> lying limply in his arms.
TOM: They should just revert to the last saved copy.
> He looked up at the sign, and turned to
> Megabyte. "You have to be patient." Bob told him.
JOEL: I thought Carrie was the patient?
> "This is the only
> way we can return her to normal." Megabyte smiled slyly. "Don't you
> trust me, Guardian?"
CROW: So if they pushed her back through the portal
she'd be a translucent Canadian vampire.
TOM: That could get her a four-year run on UPN.
CROW: You're right, we've got to stop her!
> He asked sarcastically. Bob frowned, and turned,
> pushing the door open. The place was almost deserted.
JOEL: Must be after the dinner rush -- see, 'cause it's ... deserted...
> The only
> people there were Enzo and a rather frazzled looking Dot.
CROW: Yakko and Wakko have gone too far!
> As Bob
> entered, Enzo looked up. "Bob!!" he shouted jumping down from his
> stool. He was about to tackle Bob
TOM: Enzo's veering dangerously close to Scrappy Doo territory.
> when he saw the half-erased sprite
> in his arms. Then his face turned fearful as he saw Megabyte
> following behind.
CROW: This is a weird parade.
> Bob carfully placed Carrie on the counter and Dot
> looked at her in shock.
JOEL: Hey, dead girl *off* the table.
> "What happened?" she asked, "Magnetic
> erasure? Like last time?"
TOM: [ As Carrie ] Last time?
JOEL: [ As Bob ] She was an ADSR waveform, she meant nothing to me.
> Bob shook his head. "It's a long story,
> right now we need to help her.
CROW: Megabyte zapped her. Hey, that's not so long.
> What she needs is pure energy." Dot
> nodded.
JOEL: If they download a Jolt ad I'm leaving.
> She didn't even bother to ask Cecil,
TOM: She's not getting The Straight Dope?
> she jumped down off her
> stool, and went to get it herself.
CROW: Let's see... Pure Ivory Soap, pure baking soda, pure vanilla
extract, pure table salt, pure baking powder, pure karo syrup,
pure ... this is harder than I thought.
>
> Bob looked down at Carrie, gently brushing her hair away from
> her face.
TOM: You know, Bob, this could be the chance for some upgrades...
> Enzo came and stood beside him. He looked up at Bob. "Is
> Carrie going to be okay?" he asked, worriedly. Bob smiled down at
> him, hiding his own fear.
JOEL: She has to be, or else one of the Skeksis has to die too.
> "She's going to be fine." Enzo turned to
> Megabyte, gathering his nerve.
CROW: Aw, he's gonna ask Megabyte out on a date!
> "You did this, didn't you?" he asked
> bravely.
TOM: This is how you start an awkward conversation.
> Megabyte looked at him, then chuckled richly. "Of course."
> he rumbled, "Who else could do someting like that?"
JOEL: Taking a wild guess, L. Frank Baum in one of the lesser Oz books.
> Enzo bit his lip,
> struggling to fight back his tears. "How dare you!" he shouted,
TOM: [ As Megabyte ] Yeah? How I *double* dare you!
> shocking both Bob and Dot, who had returned with an energy shake.
JOEL: So now she's got tea and no tea at once, right?
> "She's my friend!!"
CROW: She is?
JOEL: Remember that earlier scene where she talked to him?
CROW: Oh, right, that's friendship.
> Enzo stood right in front of Megabyte, to angry
> to be afraid of the imposing virus.
TOM: Enzo is going to have to try Peter Potamus's patent-pending
Hippo Hurricane Holler.
> He looked up at him defiantly,
> "You can't do that!!"
JOEL: On television!
> Megabyte simply stared down at him, as Enzo's
> eyes flooded with tears. "I won't let you."
TOM: Never gonna let you go, I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever...
> He turned and ran out of
> the Diner. "Enzo!!" Dot wailed as she watched her little brother whip
> out his zip-board and zoom away.
CROW: So how is Enzo keeping Megabyte from hurting Cassie?
>
> Bob watched as Dot sat down on a stool, obviously drained by
> what had been happening.
TOM: Take two double A's and call me in the morning.
> Suddenly, Carrie moved slightly, and her
> eyes began to flutter open.
JOEL: Maybe Enzo was thinking of somebody else.
> Bob stood near her, as she opened her
> eyes slightly. Dot looked up as Carrie tried to lift her hand towards
> Bob.
TOM: Hey, how come her arms get to work?
> He smiled and took it, holding it gently. "How are you
> feeling?" He asked her. Carrie smiled weakly. "Not too bad."
CROW: A touch small-Endian.
> she
> whispered. Bob reached out and touched her cheek. "You gave me quite
> a scare back there." he said.
JOEL: Stop telling people you see snakes everywhere. They're scary.
> Carrie sat up with Bob's help, and she
> swung her legs over the side of the counter. Dot frowned.
TOM: I hope she didn't bleed electrons all over the menus.
> Why was
> Bob acting like this toward Carrie? What had happened back there? She
> stood up with the intention of asking Bob exactly those questions.
CROW: But first, this word from our subplot.
>
> After he had fled from the Diner, Enzo had gone to Old Man
> Pearson's Data Dump.
JOEL: Sounds like the setting for a Scooby-Doo video game.
> He knew that he could find something, or
> someone, that could help him get even with Megabyte. He had never felt
> so determined.
TOM: It's called an "off" switch.
> All he knew was that Carrie was one of the only
> sprites older than him that had treated him as an equal, not some
> little kid.
CROW: He's a little too impressed by a girl who talks to him.
> Now she was hurt, and he wanted to seek vengance on the
> one who had done that to her.
TOM: And he'll do it by wielding an old e-mail bulletin
of the cafeteria's menu at Megabyte!
> He smiled slightly. *I like that.*
CROW: It's silly. Heheheheheheh...
> he
> thought. *The daring and brave Guardian Enzo seeks help to have his
> vengance on the viral evil of his system.*
TOM: Hey, isn't that giving in to the Dark Side?
JOEL: Bad Enzo. No Dark Side. Bad Enzo.
> His imagination continued
> to whirl as he approached Sector 1001.
CROW: That's Sector 1001 spelled backwards.
> He stopped infront of Old Man
> Pearson's trailer. "Frisket!!" he called, "Frisket!!"
JOEL: Frisket? I hardly even *know* it...
> He jumped down
> off his zip-board and began to search for his pet.
TOM: Try looking under CBM.
[ JOEL picks up TOM; they and CROW leave. ]
[ 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. ]
[ SATELLITE OF LOVE DESK. The Monopoly game continues; about half the
tiles have houses and hotels on them. TOM stands in front of
the desk and, below desk top, has a rope tied around his hand.
TOM's token is in jail. JOEL, standing next to GYPSY, finishes
moving MAGIC VOICE's token onto an empty square. ]
CROW: Oh, I don't believe it.
JOEL: [ Rolling dice ] Magic Voice lucks out again.
MAGIC VOICE: No need to sulk, Crow. Elvis edition never lets me down.
[ JOEL moves his piece ahead, to a square with one house on it. ]
JOEL: OK, that's my second free landing on one of your squares.
I get one more.
CROW: Yeah, yeah, all right. Just roll.
[ JOEL rolls; he moves CROW's token onto one with a hotel. ]
JOEL: All right, Crow, that takes you to the Yankees edition, mine,
hotel, you owe me 700 dollars.
CROW: Oh, gosh, well ... uh ... I think I'm a little short on cash...
JOEL: We can work it out. Now, what say I get two more free passes on
your squares --
GYPSY: Ah-hem.
JOEL: -- Right, yeah, I get one and Gypsy gets one of mine.
MAGIC VOICE: Hey!
JOEL: Right. I'll need three, I owe Gypsy two of them, and then she
passes one to Magic Voice.
TOM: Crow?
CROW: Yes, now.
TOM: [ Turning to face CAMBOT, and sliding to the side so the rope
he holds goes slack ] WARNING! DANGER! INCOMING GAME!
GYPSY: What?
TOM: [ Continuing to warn ] INCOMING GAME! INCOMING GAME!
CROW: [ Sidling away, as a large cardboard box wrapped in aluminum foil
drops over JOEL and GYPSY ] You're going to have to defend us,
guys, before this zone gets de-rezzed!
JOEL: [ As he is covered ] Guys, this isn't going to --
CROW: It's too late! You're in a maze of twisty passages and the
Vogon constructor ships are ... uh ... and there's an aspirin
in your pocket and everything!
GYPSY: [ Also covered ] I thought it was a twisty maze of passages?
[ CROW slides off-camera ]
TOM: Yeah, and you have to get to the treasure room fast.
JOEL: We're just going to turn off sprite collisions, you know.
[ CROW, with a stick in his hand, slides back and taps the hotel off
his token's square; he swats TOM's token out of jail quickly
and slides back off screen. ]
TOM: Uh ... um ... that's fine, you advance a level ... and there's
a chair over by your side and what do you want to do?
[ A beat; GYPSY and JOEL stay silent ]
TOM: There's a nasty-looking ampersand chasing after you too.
[ CROW, without his stick, slides back on screen. ]
CROW: And... I ... I think they've beaten the user, then, right?
TOM: Oh, definitely ... guys? You can come out now.
[ A beat. ]
CROW: Joel? Gypsy?
TOM: Magic Voice? Are you in there?
CROW: Just lift the box off...
TOM: Uh... game's over. You can reboot.
[ CROW and TOM look at each other. ]
CROW: Give it a tug.
[ TOM turns around, pulling his rope. The box lifts, revealing
JOEL kissing GYPSY's cheek. ]
CROW, TOM: Gah!
JOEL: [ Noticing them ] Oh, hi there.
TOM: Well -- what -- what are you doing?
GYPSY: Gotcha!
JOEL: You were trying to cheat!
TOM: No! No, no, no --
MAGIC VOICE: Crow moved the pieces.
[ CROW growls. ]
JOEL: Guys, you can't put Magic Voice in a box. She's like Springtime,
or children's laughter, or green. You should know better.
CROW, TOM: We're sorry.
GYPSY: That's gonna cost you two free turns, Crow.
JOEL: Each.
CROW: Grr... aahhh...
TOM: I recommend surrender.
CROW: [ Angrily ] I'll take it.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in five seconds.
JOEL: Now what did we learn here?
GYPSY: Don't use "Reboot" to cheat in board games.
JOEL: Exactly. Give me a hug, guys. We'll be right back.
[ JOEL hugs GYPSY and CROW as COMMERCIAL SIGN flashes. JOEL taps TOM's
head, and then COMMERCIAL SIGN. ]
[ COMMERCIAL BREAK ]