[MSTied] SAILOR MOON: Past, Present, and Future [4/9]

[Tv's Weretorgo]

>

[they take their seats.]

MIKE: [shaking his head] I never thought I'd actually be feeling *comfy* in this
theater.

> "Oh my gosh the Saturn sigh your a scout goody, now you can save the
> others. My name is Diana but my friends call me Din. That this wand and say
> Saturn power the hurt the bad guy"said Dini

[stunned silence]

CROW: Umm, what?

>
> "I knew you could talk and if your wondering why I'm not in shock like
> most people is because I real believe that animals can talk like they do in
> fairy tales."said Janet

MIKE: So, people *this* stupid can be *tutors* in Japan!? When I get to Earth,
I'll move to Japan and become a college professor!

>
> "Saturn Power"
> "Now this is cool" said Saturn looking at here yellow and white dress and
> pale yellow ribbon.

CROW: [as Saturn] It is really cool and comfortable to fight in a dress.

> Now deathshade here I come.
>
> "Let them go "

SERVO: [singing to the "opera" section in Weird Al's "Bohemian Polka" (in other
words, alternating between high and low with each exclamation mark)] Here I
come! Let them go! Here I come! Let them go! Here I come! Go! Come! Go! Come go
come go come!

>
> "who said that said Sailor Moon
>
> "I did" said Saturn as see jumped into view" I'm Sailor Saturn and your
> toast"

MIKE: [as Sailor Moon] I'm your *partner,* what the-- HAUGGH!

>
> ' A sixth sailor scout ' ran threw everyone mind.

CROW: Ouch. That must hurt.

>
> " Saturn Laster Ring Clench"
>
> The ring caught his arms and he dropped the others

MIKE: ["improvising"] Who he had, uh, of course, been holding.

> " Do something you guys"
>
> " Right, Moon Septer Elimination" said sailor moon as she blew deathshade
> to pieces.

SERVO: [as Sailor Moon] I couldn't have done that without you.

>
> " cool a new scout" said Venus
>
> " and a kitty said Dini as she leapt on Saturn shoulder
> "So how long have you been a scout asked Mars
>
> " About 10 minutes now" said Saturn

CROW: [as Mars] Wow, *already* you know how to jump around in a constricting
skirt and scream poorly translated phrases!

> "I think we're going to be good friends said Sailor Moon.
> "Come on let's get some ice cream." said Jupiter
> The girls and tuxedo mask went to learn all about there new friend.

MIKE: See, a *lemon* would know where to go with that.

> ******************************************************************
> "NO,NO if Sailor Saturn alive then there are soon going to be 13 scouts
> to face not to mention cape boy .I will need help and there is only one person
> I know to help me on my mission my oldest and deadest friend Shrill" said
> the voice.

SERVO: Janice's idea of plot construction: Don't tell the audience *any* more
than you have to... then edit all the "have to" parts out.

>
> " you called my lord" said a girl
>
> "yes how does global domination sound" said the voice.

CROW: Oh, it's *Marrissa* talking!

>
> "Just what I 've always wanted. I can't wait " said Shrill.
>
> " Good and with your talent killing the scouts will be easy."
>
> "As you command my lord
>
>
>
>
> to be continued

SERVO: Oh, I can hardly wait!

>
> Who will Saturn new family be

MIKE: Will she divorce them?

> What is Shrill talent.

CROW: Will it amount to shinola?

> Who is this guy

SERVO: [as Janice, calmly] --Who just broke into the room with a large pickaxe?

> Who is Crystal

MIKE: Does anyone care?

> to find out read Chapter 2 A sister, Shrill and a wedding.

SERVO: A sister, Shrill, a wedding, four funerals, three men and a baby, and a
little lady, and Curley Sue, and Curley Joe, and Shemp, and a merry Christmas to
all and to all a good night.

>
> I was barely able to finish this the power was going all week and i could

CROW: --Barely summon enough leftover Muse invocations to crap out *that* cruddy
installment.

> not go on the computer. Chapter 2 might not be out next week because I have
> science fair

MIKE: You know, all joking aside, my research dug up the fact that Janice was in
the 10th grade, give or take a year, when she wrote this.
SERVO: Wow, so she was almost *twice* as old as Crystal Anne!
CROW: Yeah, and *half* as coherant!

> but it will be out in 2 weeks at the latest. I did not get any
> comments or flames so if you are reading this let me know do I'm not
> wasting my time okay email is jani...@nfld.com

SERVO: Proving that one should lay *off* the Water Joe before writing an
author's note.

>
>
>
>
>
> Hi Minna

MIKE: This "Minna" is as elusive as Robert Denby!
SERVO: Hey, you leave Robert Denby alone!

> Its Janice again. I was reading a bunch of fanfics the other day and I saw

CROW: --Such things as "plot," and "form," and something called "narrative
cohesion."

> someone else wrote under just Janice. I had no idea someone else used the
> name but I am a different Janice. Sorry my Parts were broken up so much but
> my email would not send the whole thing together. Well here is my next
> part. I do not own Sailor Moon but I changed some charters to suit me.

MIKE: [as Janice] Because, after all, I felt that my portrayals of these
characters were so *vivid,* that some things needed to be changed for the sake
of style.

>
> 1) Meranda is based on no one. I do not think anyone could be so bad
>
>
> I had to put that in incase anyone I know reads this and thinks am I like
> that.

SERVO: [sarcastic] Oh, *that* happens all the time. "Janice wrote a story with a
bad character in it, therefore Janice must be the bad guy."

> well if you want to use any one of my charters email me and tell me so
> I can read it, also SEND ME COMMENTS AND FLAMES I WANT TO KNOW HOW THIS
> FANFIC IS GOING at jani...@nfld.com

CROW: Two words: Totally bonkers..

>
>
>
>
>
> " Darien thank you so much

MIKE: [Andy Kaufman] You're so stupid.

> for giving me and Janet a ride to her house for
> my lesson you are the best boyfriend in the whole world" said Serena

SERVO: [as Serena] You actually *did* something that didn't show any benefit for
you! You're so kind!

>
> " Thanks, if I wasn't driving I'd give you a kiss.

CROW: [as Darien] --But you *are* sitting on my hand. [smoothly] Heh heh heh.

> What's the name of
> Janet's school again" asked Darien.

MIKE: [as Serena] Take a left at the dock, keep going until you're almost in San
Francisco. Then look for a small island.

>
> " OOHH, its on the tip of my tongue..........Lake View" said Serena

SERVO: It's situated in the Gobi Desert.
CROW: ...Which is in China?
SERVO: So it makes no sense. Bite me.

>
> " Lake View. Thats a rich kid school. I know some guys who went there and
> they are not very nice. Most people call that school the Snob View because
> most people only think of themselves" said Darien

MIKE: [as Darien] They hate me because they think I'm a *real* snob.

>
>
> "Janet's nice I'm glad she's not a snob or power hungary can you imagine
> someone else always after me to quit leading the scouts" said Serena

CROW: Can you imagine the way our dear, beloved Janice would explain *that*
situation? Cliche city, I'll tell you.

>
> " The others are STILL after you about that"
> "Yap"
> "You really need to figure something out or you are all going to go
> crazy."said Darien

SERVO: [as Darien] Let's start by figuring out who is talking, and what they're
talking about.

>
> "I know but no one can think of something that makes everyone happy. It
> is going to get even worst because Luna said that seven new scouts would be
> here soon. 12 other girls after my job it is not fair" said Serena

CROW: [as Serena] After all, I'm easily the smartest and wisest!

>
> " Don't worry. I 'll ask if I can vote. I will vote for you the others
> for themselves and you will be leader" said Darien

MIKE: [as Serena] But I'll end up forgetting which little bubble to fill in, and
end up voting for *Haruka!*

>
> "I like that idea" said Serena

SERVO: Fair? Hell no. Just? Hell no. Underestimating whatever tiny amounts of
wisdom these Sailor Mooners have been implanted with? Hell yes. But a nice idea
anyway. For Janice.

> *********************************************************************
> " Where are they I have to leave before Mandy gets here" said Janet
>
> "Hi Slut Spawn. "
>
> " Hi Meranda" said Janet

MIKE: Ahh, it's a long running joke. They're always exchanging nasty names.

> " My name is Mandy to you nerd girl.

CROW: [as Meranda] Since you are so far beneath me, you must call me by my
*nick*name.

> OH and by the way you get the honer
> of being my servant.So here's my laundry, Candy's laundry and Tandy's
> laundry.

SERVO: [as Meranda] Tandy shares those clothes with a fellow named Randy, that's
why they smell like that.

> I'm sure there will be more later. Make sure to get them clean
> okay. Oh yes and Mr wall wants to meet you" laughed Mandy as she pushed
> Janet into the wall and threw the cloths on her.

MIKE: [as Janet] How do you do, Mister Wall? Would you like to be tutored?
Hello?

>
> Just then Darien's car pulled up"See ya tomorrow Slut Spawn " said Mandy.
>
> " Hey Jan, why did she do that? asked Serena

CROW: Just curious, of course, but *where* is Serena?

>
> "Because she's a model and thinks she rules the world and has control
> over the whole school and well she fells the need to have someone do her work
> for her but she don't scare me.

SERVO: [as Janet] Not since I done took myself dee EBONICS course.

> When the whole school backs her up yes but
> alone no" Said Janet
>
> " The whole school and teachers don't say anything" said Darien
>
> "nope because i'm not really rich my soon to be step dad is so they do
> not care if I go to a different school they lose no investor." said Janet

MIKE: And the audience explodes, due to collective parser malfunctioning
combined with an implosion of the logic circuits. Good night.

>
> " So are we invited to the wedding" asked Serena
>
> " Yap " Said Janet " Mom said I could have as many friends as I wanted
> because the whole embassy is rented for the dinner and Angelica might not
> be willing to be friends plus model girl will be there" said Janet

SERVO: ...And the kids at school tease her for being *poor?* Wow.

>
> " Why her?" asked Serena
>
> " Because her mom and my new step dad go way back. They moved here a year
> ago and up until then they lived next door from what mom said Mandy is the
> same every where a queen to all but her servant" said Janet

CROW: Maybe someone should introduce Janice to the comma.
SERVO: First let's introduce her to the Big Book o' Dialogue.

>
> " so is your step dad and sister nice? " asked Darien

MIKE: [as Janet] Well, my stepdad lets me live in the basement, and my
stepsister occasionally gives me a dead rat for food... they're both pretty
okay.

>
> "Never met them before I'm as interested as you. Here's my house come on
> Serena" Said Janet

CROW: So, wait. Her mother finds a guy, goes out with him for about a little
more than a year, and she hasn't bothered to introduce him to her *daughter!?*

>
> " You live here " said Serena
>
> "yap" said Janet
> "cool . See you in an hour muffin."

MIKE: [as Serena] Oh, and goodbye to you too, Darien.

> *********************************************************************
>
> " Okay we got ten mites left how do you factor trinomial" asked Janet

SERVO: [as Serena] I sharpen a pencil... then JAB IT UP YOUR ASS!

>
> " You use FOIL . First, outside, inside and last" said Serena
> questioningly
> " you got it way to go. Serena you are going to pass that test tomorrow."
> said Janet
> "Think"Said Serena

CROW: [as Serena] *That's* what I was trying to do!

>
> " I know you will. So I here you are going shopping for a dress to wear to
> my mom's wedding" said Janet
>
> " Of course. It will be the first wedding Darien and I go to together and I
> want to look great. I want him to be knocked out of his socks" said Serena

MIKE: Well, maybe while he's sockless, he'll put on a new pair.

>
> " You two are getting really close. Has he said the L word yet" asked
> Janet.

SERVO: [as Janet] You know... "listening?"

>
> " Nope but I hope he does soon. I love him so much and I want to tell him
> that when I am sure he loves me too" said Serena

CROW: Well, considering that in the fifty lemons written before this fanfic,
they've done about everything *else* imaginable, and more, it might be pretty
obvious.

>
> " Maybe he's afraid too. You should tell him. Maybe he's waiting for you
> to make the first move" said Janet
>
> " you are so right. If he does not say anything before I'm going to tell
> him at the wedding" Said Serena
> " Now that is a romantic way to say I love you" said Janet
>
> BEEP.

MIKE: [as Serena, swooning] Ooooh, so *romantic!*

>
> " there 's Darien time to go shopping and get the hottest dress in Tokyo."
> Said Serena
>
> " Hope you find it bye" said Janet
>
> **********

CROW: Join us tomorrow for the shocking "shopping" scene. Never before has an
audience been so... bored.

>
> Sorry that I can only send this out but I have a ton of tests. I had a
> major science project due and a family friend died

SERVO: Maybe she should take that as an omen.

> so this is all I could
> get done
> send email jani...@nfld.com