[MSTing] Voyager: S-Space - Part 2

[Freezer]

>She threw everything off her desk as she ripped off her panties.

Joel: So she got so worked up, she didn't even think of going to her
ready room?

Crow: I don't know where this Hornyverse is, but I want to go there!

>Her nipples cried out for more as she climbed on the desk. Her pussy,
>which she had been ignoring, teasing herself, became more demanding.

Joel: It wanted dinner and its litterbox cleaned.

Crow: Wrong type of cat, Joel.

>One hand pinched the nipple as the other made its way slowly down her
>body to patch of red hair above her lips.

Tom: She's got a mustache?

Joel: Wrong lips.

Tom: Then where...? Oh. *There*!

>She raised her legs above the desk and moaned, bringing her knees
>upright. She gently stroked the outer lips, avoiding her clit.

Crow: If she's that worked up, why doesn't she just run down to the
holodeck and get some holo-lovin?

Joel: Because that would be more in character?

Tom: Because that's not the way they do things in the Hornyverse?

>She brought up her neck,

Crow: She is really going through some contortions here!

Joel: Those yoga tapes are really paying off!

Tom: It's the Amazing India Rubber captain!

>a look almost of pain on her face,

Crow: [Janeway] ACK! Stupid vertebrate!

>and bit her lip, to watch her hand stroking herself,

Tom: This grammar's starting to make me dizzy!

>wishing someone could be there to watch her.

Joel: Goodness knows masturbation is so much better with an audience!

>The door chimed but she didn't hear it. She moaned louder as she
>slipped a finger into her wet pussy, pretending it was a dick.

Crow: Katherine! Sweetheart! Just dial up a Steely Dan on the
replicator!

Joel: Cro...I can't even fault you for that one!

>She moaned louder. a quick 'yes' and the door slid open.

Tom: Umm...wouldn't the computer know the difference "yes - come in"
and "yes - com*ing*?"

Joel: Not in the Hornyverse!

>She wasn't even paying attention. Instead, she slipped another finger
>into her wet pussy and began fucking herself long and deep.

Crow: With her *fingers*?

Tom: She's got man hands!

>Each stroke sent a wave of pleasure through her body.

Joel: [Slavemaster] STROKE!

BOTS: <GASP!!>

Joel: [Slavemaster] STROKE!

BOTS: <GASP!!>

>Tuvok stood in the doorway. He watched her with the disinterested
>curiosity of a vulcan.

Joel: Shouldn't that be "Vulcan?"

Tom: [Tuvok] Fascinating. The captain seems to be engaging in an OOC
masturbation scene.

>She had a nice body, but it would be four years before the mating
>ritual was to begin.

Crow: Then why would he think that?

Joel: It's the Hornyverse Tuvok: thinks about sex but can take it or
leave it.

>He could call upon his powers and arouse himself, but he had pressing,
>urgent business.

Tom: Like getting through this seen and getting the hell out of this
fic.

>Janeway's moans were louder now and she jerked her body in rhythm with
>the three fingers now imbedded deep in her pussy.

Crow: Am I the only one who thinks young Miss Willow is projecting
here?

>They were loud enough to attract the ears of Paris from the bridge.

Joel: Who, apparently, was the only one on the bridge.

>He looked in the room from his seat and got very aroused. From where
>he sat he could see the captain's wet, wide open pussy exposed for his
> view.

Crow: Wait a second! How is he seeing all this with Tuvok standing in
the doorway?

Joel: Extra wide door?

Tom: The Hornyverse Tom Paris has X-ray vision?

>He watched as three fingers pushed in and out of her cunt. She was
>dripping down her leg and it pooled a little on the desk near her ass.

Crow: Umm... That's called "incontinence", Katherine. You may want to
have The Doctor check that out.

Joel and Tom: Ewww!!!

>Tuvok cleared his throat and Janeway snapped her head to him.

Tom: Her head's a football now?

Crow: [Sportscaster] Tuvok takes Janeway's head and drops back to
pass. He spots Chakotay running like hell out of the fic. There's
pass and...Picked off by the crappy lemon!

Tom and Joel: AWWWW!!!!

>She looked at him intensely but did not stop fucking herself.

Joel: I'm the captain here, and I'll do what I damn well please!

>In fact, she quickened the pace her fingers made in her pussy. She was
>about to have an orgasm - she was on the edge.

Tom: [Singing] She's living on the edge

Joel and Crow: You can't help this crappy leeeeemon!

>But she saw Paris watching from the bridge and did not want to cum in
>front of him. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her
>have an orgasm.

Crow: At least not from that far away!

Tom: Gee Whiz! I've seen porno characters with more self control!

Joel: You have? When?

Tom: Well...

>She sighed deeply

All: SIGH!!!

>and pulled the fingers out of her pussy.

Crow: [Janeway]<SNIFF, SNIFF!> Oh, MAN!!! Computer: Summer's Eve - Fish
Killer!!!

Joel and Tom: EEEWWWW!!!

Tom: That's just sick!!!

Crow: Yeah. It was the best I could come up with on short notice.

>She beat her hand against the desk, but pushed her feet over the side
>anyway.

Tom: With the... and tha... Huh?

Joel: Let's just pretend that last sentence made sense and move on,
shall we?

>With a quick motion she was standing on the floor. "Close that door,
>Tuvok," she snapped and sat in the chair.

[All make whoopee cushion noises]

Tom: Oh, that joke never gets old!

>"What do you want?"

Crow: [Tuvok] I want you to stop fingering yourself and act like a
captain!

>Paris looked pissed as the door slid closed, cutting him off from the
>view.

Crow: [Paris] Ensign? Take the helm! I have to go
span...flog...cho...do some officer type stuff.

>Janeway's breasts looked even better sitting down.

Tom: Her breasts sat down?

>Her nipples were still hard and her pussy still needed some relief.

Crow: Joel, what's our limit of hygiene product jokes?

Joel: I'll let you know when you hit it.

>"We are passing through a region of space that is giving some strange
>readings to the computers."

Tom: So? That happens every week.

>"That happens every week, Tu'vok. What's new?" Janeway asked.

Tom: Another softball.

Crow: Umm...Who's this "Tu'vok" guy? Tuvok's evil twin?

>A hand idly touched the nipple of her breast.

Joel: Two words, Janeway: COLD SHOWER!!!

>Tu'vok slowly raised an eyebrow as he looked at the breast.

Crow: [Tuvok] Curious. I feel the need to act out cliched Vulcan
mannerisms.

>"The holo-doctor thinks it may have a strange effect on what he called
>the ship's 'libido'.

Tom: The ship has a libido?

Joel: Why sure! In the Hornyverse, all ships get the urge!

>Curious: what does that word mean?"

Tom: Okay, so the smartest, most logical member of the crew doesn't
know what the word "libido" means?

Crow: The Hornyverse Tuvok never studied Latin?

Joel: We're going to run that Hornyverse gag into the ground, aren't
we?

Bots: Yep!

>"Its from an old twentieth century psychologist, Doctor Freud.

Tom: Umm...Wasn't Freud nineteenth century?

Crow: Twentieth, nineteenth, screw the details and let's get to the
boinking!

>I can't believe they never taught that at the Vulcan Science Academy.

Tom: I can't believe the Vulcans don't have a word for it.

>It means loosely, how much sex people want." Tu'vok raised another
>eyebrow and Janeway smiled as she realized.

Joel: Realized what?

Tom: How ridiculously OOC she's being written?

Crow: How fast she could have gotten home if she had gotten off her
high moral horse and did something?

Joel: How rainy days and Mondays always get her down?

>"Of course. The rambling of a hundreds of years old drug addict would
>have no affect on a planet of Vulcans.

Tom: So Freud is just dismissed as a rambling crackhead?

Crow: Janeway of the Hornyverse has no need for history!

>Anything else, Tu'vok?" "Yes there was one more thing, Captain."

Joel: [Tuvok] I was wondering why I've suddenly got a Klingon name?

>"Well, out with it already. I have... um... pressing business to
>attend to with... uh.. Kes. Yes, Kes I think."

Crow: KES?!? Aw man! That means Seven isn't there yet!

Tom: [Sarcastically] Aww, too bad!

>She smiled and thought of the beautiful little blond girl who was only
>a year old. Even though she had the body of a full grown woman.

Joel: Oh, that's nice! Just what every lemon needs: A hint of
pedophilia.

Crow: Pedophilia: It's not just for guys anymore!

>She had probably never been with another woman before.

Tom: Neither have 90% of all women! What's your point?

Crow: It's a lemon, She's an OOC nympho. Need you ask?

>There were lots of things she could teach her.

Joel: Like how to be an utter tramp and still command a starship?

Crow: How to pick up objects with her...

Tom and Joel: CROW!

Crow: Toes! I was gonna say toes!

>Her pussy responded to the mental images before she knew she was even
>thinking them.

Tom: She's got a telepathic vagina?

Crow: Now THAT'S talent!

Joel: [Janeway's "area"] Hey! Stop that! You are not sticking that
in...Oh my God! Cucumbers?!?

>Perhaps there was something to this 'bizarre region of space' thing,
> she thought. It could get interesting.

Joel: [Janeway] But I really doubt it.

>"Well, Captain, I... uh... I miss my mommy still."

All: o_0

Tom: WHAT?!?

Crow: Hornyverse, Shmornyverse! This is getting just plain ridiculous!

>"Tuvok,

Joel: [Janeway] I've decided I don't like you as a Klingon.

>we went over this in the first episode, remember? I said I'd get
>you all back home. What more do you want from me?"

Crow: To stop passing up every opportunity to get home because it
either interferes with your exploration of the Planet of Fuzzy Bunnies
or because it MIGHT violate the Prime Directive?

Tom: Venting, are we?

Crow: So I got issues! Bite me!

>She was pissed at him for interrupting her beautiful fantasies
>of Kes.

Joel: You were only thinking of her for -what - 10 seconds?

Crow: [Janeway] I got a GOOOOD imagination!

>She noticed Tuvok was staring intently at her breast.

Tom: I'm confused: Did she put her clothes back on yet?

Joel: Does it really matter at this point?

Tom: Good point

>The nipple hardened a little more in response to what
>they both were thinking.

Joel: Katherine Janeway: The woman with psychic genitals!

Crow: Call now to talk to Janeway's nipple! Learn about your future
love and happiness from her highly trained vagina!

Tom: Her team of wonderful body parts are waiting for your call! Call
today! Genitalia are standing by!

Joel: The Psychic Genital Hotline! Arousing predictions, just for you!

>"Oh, okay. Come over here and kneel on the ground."

Joel: Kneel, worm!

>Tuvok did so and stared hungrily at her breast. "I don't know Captain.
>It must be this new area of space, because I am definitely feeling
>something strange."

Tom:[Tuvok] I feel as if I am being poorly written and forced to do
incredibly stupid things for some writer's amusement.

>"Just shut up and suck, Tuvok," Janeway said. She was getting
>impatient.

Joel: And we're getting bored.

Crow: [Homer Simpson] Boring!

>But she moaned deeply as he took the nipple between his lips and began
>sucking. She felt sensations she hadn't felt in some time coursing
>through her body.

Tom: Revulsion! Self-loathing! The feeling that she's not quite
herself today.

>She would definitely pay a visit to Kes before the day was over. And
>something more too.

Crow: Of course you will.

Tom: This is going to get very wrong, isn't it?

Joel: Looks that way!

>She decided she would run a holographic representation of Freud and
>talk to him. Maybe he could give some valuable insight as to what was
>going on.

Crow: What's to know? You're turning into Nina Hartley!

Joel: Who?

Crow: When you're older, dear!

>Kes was waiting for Neelix in the lounge when Janeway came in. She
>noticed there was something about the Captain.

Tom: [Kes] The captain looks extra slutty today.

>Her breasts were usually nice, but today they looked even better. Hot
>looking, hard little nipples poaked through her uniform front.

Crow: Joel? How do nipples "poak"?

Joel: Well, Crow...when two nipples love each other very much...

>Her hair was messed and sweaty but still the whole package looked
>great to Kes. Kes was a mass of conflicting emotions.

Tom: [Kes] MUST...FORNICATE...UNCONTROLABLY!

Crow: [Kes] NO! MUST...MAINTAIN...DIGNITY!!!

Joel: [Kes] MUST...NOT...SUCCUMB TO...AUTHOR'S...LURID...FANTASIES!

>She had never really been attracted to another woman, but the
>Captain today changed all that.

Crow: Yep! The Hornyverse will do that to you!

>Janeway came directly at her and put a hand right on her hot little
>ass. It rubbed herleg just below the hemline of her litt skirt.

Crow: Who's Herleg? I thought she was stalking Kes.

Tom: And what's a "litt" skirt?

Joel: Guys, I think we're hitting the spelling riffs a bit hard.

Crow: Well it's that or Sex, sex, OOC, and more SEX!

Joel: Good point. Carry on.

>For some reason, Kes had not worn any underwear

Tom: The reason being that Pussy Willow thought it would be sexy.

Crow: [Pussy Willow] Oooh! And I'll have Janeway feel up Kes! And
Kes won't be wearing any underwear! Oh baby! That's the ticket!

>and she felt the cold draft on her butt, making it tingle.

Crow: The tingle means you're horny!

>She looked deeply into Janeway's eyes and arched her back a little.

All: SLEEEP!!!

>This was the sign Janeway wanted and moved in to kiss her deeply.

Tom: Janeway gets the sign from Kes...There's the wind-up, and the
kiss! There it is! It's an absolute crap fest!

>They stayed like that a moment, their lips meeting passionately.

Crow: So none of the crewmembers are noticing this? Maybe discreetly
dropping hints that maybe Janeway shouldn't be making out with other
women in the middle of a lounge?

Joel: Or maybe they're used to it by now?

Tom: [random crewman] Aw, Cripes! Captain's feeling up Kes again!

>Kes' body responded to Janeway as she pressed against her.

Crow: She started flailing at Janeway in a desperate attempt to escape!

>Janeway raised the skirt a little and Kes gasped into her mouth,
>knowing that everyone in the lounge was getting a great show.

Tom: Looks like you were right, Joel.

Joel: I kinda wish I wasn't.

>Janeway liked that and raised the front of her skirt too. Her blond
>haired pussy came into view and people around the room started
>mumbling to themselves.

All: Rhubarb! Rhubarb! Naked chick rhubarb!

Tom: Umm...If Janeway is standing in front of Kes, how can EVERYBODY
see Kes' pubes?

Joel: If you keep questioning every inconsistency, your head'll explode
again!

>The men's eyes were fixated on that hot little blonde.

Crow: And all the women were staring at Janeway?

Tom: At this point, I think they were all actively smacking the men
across the backs of their heads.

>"Come, on," Janeway said, after breaking the kiss and pulled the
>Ocampa with her by the skirt front.

Tom: [Stereotypical Indian] Come! On! Ugh!

Joel: [Janeway] Come on, little Ocampa. Walkies!

>Ocampa just nodded and swallowed hard.

Crow: Her last name's "Ocampa"?

>"What about.... what about... Neelix," Kes said as she followed
>Janeway into the hall.

Crow: [Janeway] Let him command his own starship, then HE can get all
the nookie he wants!

>"Well, I wont be able to stand him there, but we can make a video for
> him if you want."

Tom: [Janeway] I'll touch myself in open doorways, and feel up young
women in public, but being watched while having lesbian sex is where I
draw the line!

>"Yes," Kes said passionately. Janeway stopped and pushed her against
>the wall.She ran a hand over Kes' body as Kes closed her eyes. Janeway
>reached under Kes' skirt and felt her pussy. "You're realy hot, aren't
>you? You love this, huh? Say it," Janeway demanded

All: IT!!!

>as she inserted a finger. Kes moaned and bucked against Janeway's
>finger as it penetrated her.

Joel: So...She refuses to let Neelix watch them go at it, but will
gladly finger Kes in a hallway where every Tom, Chakotay, and Harry can
wander in?

Crow: Maybe she just doesn't like Neelix?

Tom: Continuity - Thy name is NOT Pussy Willow.

>Even her pointed ears tingteled.

Joel: "Tingteled?"

Tom: That's going in the file next to "Fronged!"

>"Yes, I love it," she said loudly.

All: I like it! I love it! I want some more of it!

>Janeway responded

Tom: In horror as she realized how incredibly wrong this all was.

>by putting another finger inside her.

Tom: Or just going with the flow.

>"Oh, god," Kes screamed. "Don't stop! I'm going to cum already! God, I
>can't believe it would be this good."

All: Neither can we!

>"No you're not," Janeway said and quickly pulled the fingers out of
>her pussy. "You'll cum when I tell you to." Kes moaned in frustration
>and fell back heavily aganst the wall. She closed her eyes and thought

Tom: [Kes] It's only a fanfic! It's only a fanfic!

>for a moment about fingering herself down there. But she had never
>done it in front of anyone, and didn't think she could. Escpecially
>not for another woman.

Crow: A little late for modesty, don't you think?

>Janeway opened Kes' blouse and let her breasts hang out. "From now on,
>we'll walk like this.

Joel: [Monty Python voice] No, no! That's not quite silly enough!

>You're breasts are here for everyone to see." She pinched one nipple
>and pulled Kes along by it. "Come on."

Tom: And the reason Kes hasn't dropkicked Janeway for treating her like
this is...?

Crow: In the Hornyverse, all non-human females are wanton sluts just
waiting for a firm hand to dish out portions of sweet pain to
their...firm...sweet...naked...flesh...ggghhh...

Tom: Ah, crap! Crow cubed it!

Joel: He'll be fine in a second.

>Kes moaned and followed her. Afraid that someone would see her but
>turned on as hell. She would have let Janeway do anything to her at
>that moment, anything. She was humialted by being led around like some
>bitch, by the nipple.

Tom: You might even say she was "humiliated."

>The humiliation was added to by the fact that her pussy was dripping
>all down her leg.

Joel: Ewwww! I think you should have the Doctor look at that for you!

Crow: Na...Ni...NIPPLES!!!

Tom: Have a nice trip, Crow?

Crow: I feel so dirty all of a sudden...

>They made it back to Janeway's quarters. Only a dozen or so men had
>seen them,

Tom: Is this a Roman Galley? Where are the rest of the women in this
ship?

Joel: Going by the way this story is going, do you really want to find
out?

Crow: Ooh! Ooh! I do!!

>had seen Kes being led around by the nipple, had seen how turned on
>she had been by it all.

Tom: Had seen the look of desperation in Kes' eyes. Had seen the
silent plea for help.

>She was bent over Janeway's bed, her head resting on it and her knees
>on the floor next to it.

Joel: In other words, she's kneeling?

>Her legs were spread wide apart and her pussy was wide open for
>Janeway to inspect.

Crow: Kneeling, legs spread, bent over...That doesn't sound too
comfortable...

>Her clit was swollen and sensitive. Every time Janeway stroked her
>pussy,

[All do opening riff of "Cat Scratch Fever"]

>it brought her almost to the edge of an orgasm. Every time, though,
>Janeway had stopped just before she could have one.

All: Aaaww!

>Janeway stood behind her, completyly naked too.

Tom: My God! Pussy Willow's channeling Elmer Fudd now!

Crow: Be vewy, vewy, quwiet! I'm hunting...

Tom and Joel: Crow!

Crow: What?

>In one hand she held a holo-camera and aimed it at Kes' hot little
>cunt. "I want you to rub yourself," she told Kes.

Joel: The server is up and we can make a mint off of you!

>Kes closed her eyes and tensed up. From behind, Janeway could see her
>ass clenching shut. She was afraid.

Tom: So are we.

Joel: This is going to turn even more wrong, isn't it?

>Janeway reached over and brought her hand down on Kes's ass. She
>flinched in pain and bucked against the bed. "You're pussy gives you
>away, Kes.

Tom: [Darth Vader] Your cunt betrays you.

Crow: Hey! Watch the language!

Tom: Sorry!

>I can see you like it. Now do it." Kes reached behind her, between her
>legs, and brought her hand to her pussy lips. The first stroke almost
>sent her over the edge. Janeway saw this and stopped her by slapping
>her on the ass again. "If you cum and I don't give you permission,

Tom: No soup for you!

>I'll take you back to the lounge, put you over my knee and give you a
>spanking you won't forget.

Crow: Woo-hoo!! Spanking Time!!!

Joel: Down boy!

>Neither will anyone else who will be there. I may even call Paris down
>to watch."

Tom: Or he could just watch the lounge monitors on his free time.

>She rubbed harder now. God help her, she liked it.

Crow: [High pitched]She likes it! Hey Mikey!

>She loved being made to do things, naughty things.

Tom: Oh...Kaaay.

Crow: Joel? Young Miss Willow is off in her own little world, isn't she?

Joel: I'm afraid so, Crow.

>She started bucking again, this time in pleasure. But she forced
> herself to slow down.

Joel: Goodness knows we wouldn't want to end this fic any sooner, would
we?

>She didn't want Paris to see her spanked by another woman.

Tom: But she's willing to share the experience with Neelix?

Crow: Smile and nod?

Joel: Smile and nod.

>"With your other hand," Janeway said. "Spank yourself." Kes sighed,
>but her pussy leaked even more.

Crow: Joel? Shouldn't a female author know that real women don't tend
to drip like leaky faucets?

Joel: I think she's too caught up in proving that she can be just as
sleazy and puerile as the male lemon authors out there.

Tom: Puerile, eh?

>She brought her hand up in the air

Crow: And waved it like she just don't care!

Joel and Tom: HEY! HO! HEY! HO!

>than down hard on her own ass. The conflicting sensations of pain and
>pleasure sent her over the edge

All: [Singing] Hurts so good! Come on baby, make it hurt so good!

>and she began bucking against the bed.

Crow: She's having a seizure!

>She forced in four fingers into her pussy and fucked herself while she
>spanked herself quicker and harder than she had been.

Tom: [falsetto] Naughty girl! Spanky, spanky!

>She screamed

All: AAAAAAAAHH!!!

>as the orgasm ripped through her and fell backwards over the bed,

Crow: She flipped herself over!

Joel: Just like a dead cockroach.

>her fingers still pistoning in and out of her cunt. She was totally
>embarrassed by it all and remembered the camera was on and caught the
>whole thing.

Tom: Bad news - the lens cap was on. You gotta do the whole thing over
again.

Joel and Crow: NOOOO!!!

>"Come on," Janeway said.

Joel: [Kes] I just did!

>She sounded angry. "Get up." She pulled Kes to her feet by her hair
>and pressed the door open. As she guided Kes to the door, she grabbed
>a rober for herself.

Tom: Shouldn't she - oh, I don't know - GRAB HER UNIFORM?!?

Crow: Settle down. Almost over!

>She left Kes naked as they entered the hall. Janeway put the robe on
>and activated her comm badge. "Lt. Paris, please report to the
>lounge." Kes closed her eyes and tensed as she wondered what would
>happen.

Joel: What happens? We leave!

[All Leave]

[6]…[5]…[4]…[3]…[2]…[1]…[ * ]

[Back on the bridge, Crow is sitting at the bridge looking dejected.
Joel and Tom wander in.]

Joel: Hey, little gold buddy. Why so glum?

Crow: It’s this fic, Joel. I mean it was just so BAD! With the typos
and the rampant OOC. But the thing that gets me is: This was lesbian
sex, written by a woman, and it STANK!!! It was as erotic as reading a
flip book full of stick figures! You would think that someone who’s a
woman would know how to write lesbian sex with some sort of – I don’t
know…

Tom: Accuracy? Flair? Taste?

Crow: Yeah!

Tom: You know what gets me is the way that Pussy Willow tries to pass
up the crew's weird behavior as an effect of that "Strange area of
space", but starts the story by refering to Janeway and Tuvok's
previous OOC behavior! I mean the whole thing is absurd!

Joel: I thought you might feel that way, guys so I made up a few
sketches and charts for a presentation I call “Lesbians: Like men, only
prettier.”

[Groans and protestations from the bots.]

Joel: I thought you might feel that way. [Turns toward Cambot] This
may take a while, sirs. So I’ll just say “Whaddaya think, sirs?”

[D-13]

[We see Dr. F and Frank still in their “Rain” suits, trying to dance.
And not doing a very good job of it.]

Dr.F:[yelling] I couldn’t hear you, Joel. The music is too loud! Not
that I would listen, anyway! Push the button, Frank!

Frank: The button! * UNGH! * The button!

[[FWOOSH!!]]

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