MiSTing: "Hail to the Queen" [PG, STNG, Marrissa] (9/9]

[Matthew R Blackwell]

> Chapter Ten
>
> The time portal deposited its two unexpected travellers
>in the Starfleet quarters it had shown. Jay struggled to
>regain the balance he lost during his trip, and surveyed the
>room. Despite his lack of focus, the room seemed vaguely
>familiar.
>

Mike: [Jay] Where am I?
Tom: The Village.

> The walls nearby were adorned with two paintings.
>Standard furniture sat in its place across the floor of the
>abode, except for what looked like a rocking chair between the
>couch and the door leading to another bedroom. Behind Jay was
>a hallway, that branched in two directions,

Mike: And Jay took the lesser used one. And that made all the
difference.

> into a washroom and
>into a room with a crib.

Crow: You have: A bathrobe, a toothbrush, a thing your aunt
gave you which you don't know what it is, pocket lint,
and no tea.

> With a few
>moments of orientation, Jay managed to focus. One of the
>paintings on the wall depicted a blond-haired girl leading her
>group of friends out of the forest of a planet.

Mike: It was Denise Richards from "Starship Troopers".

> The other
>showed the same blond girl on a Galaxy-class starship's bridge
>with a Cardassian Galor-Class vessel dominating the
>viewscreen.

Tom: You know, we're never going to forget those episodes in
Marrissa's life, the way they keep bringing these
paintings up.

> From the room with
>the crib, a contented cooing bounced into the room.

Tom: Awww, it's little baby pigeons!

> Jay matched the
>sound to his daughter when she was content. A slight amount
>of vertigo forced Jay to sit in the nearby rocker.

Mike: Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak force Jay to do their
bidding.

> The
>rocking chair seemed vaguely familiar. It had an antique air,
>and had cushions that moulded to fit him. The nausea passed
>and Jay took a glance around the quarters.

Tom: Then the nausea came crashing back full force.

> The similarities
>to his own quarters back in the Enterprise were astounding,

Crow: Geez, Jay, buy a clue or something!

> the
>paintings, the furniture, the baby, everything was so exact.

Mike: [Steven Wright] They stole all my stuff and replaced it
all with exact duplicates.

> Awareness
>flooded through his mind. The date, he had to know the date.
>
> "Computer," Jay rasped, "what's the date?"

Crow: June 12, 1997.
Mike: Of course! The Borg sent him back in time so that he
could attend the Lilith Faire!

> "The Current Stardate is 62492," the computer stated.
>
> The Computer had responded with numbers that corresponded
>with numbers that matched Jay's hopes. It's just before the
>Borg attack where they got Marrissa, Jay thought.

All: WHAT?!?
[All the collected balloons and confetti disappear in a pop.]
Tom: I call no fair! Marrissa was done for!

> The last wisps of fog cleared from
>his memory, and he remembered his wife.

All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> She lay on the floor on
>her back, faintly stirring in her unconscious slumber.
>

Crow: [Marrissa, groggily] C'mon, mom, I don't wanna conquer
the galaxy today - lemme sleep!

> "Gordon to Sickbay," Jay called into his combadge.
>"Medical emergency. Standby for incoming patient. Transporter
>Room Four, lock on to my signal and beam directly to Sickbay."
>

Mike: [Transporter guy] But I'm not sick!

> Jay unclipped his combadge and placed it on Marrissa's
>chest.

Tom: Allowing him to cop one last feel.
Mike: Tom! They're married! He doesn't need to cop a feel!
Tom: We're talking about Marrissa here, Mike.
Mike: [pause] You're right. Never mind.

> As she disappeared in a cloud of silver sparkles, a
>grim determination swept through Jay.

Crow: [Jay] If I start out in a shuttle *now*, I can be to Zeta
Reticuli before she even wakes up.

> He was going to stop the events from happening and destroy
>the Borg at the same time. As Jay charged out of his quarters
>towards the nearest turbolift, confused glances from the crew
>bombarded him when he passed.
>

Mike: [crewman] What's up with Commander Weenie?
Tom: [crewman] With him? Who knows?

> Minutes later, the turbolift deposited Jay on the Bridge.
>Surprise oozed from each of the personnel. Giving in to the
>desire to know what they were staring at, Jay surveyed
>himself.

Crow: And compared the results to the original abstract.

> His uniform had been soaked with sweat and moisture.

Mike: But we washed it in all-temperature Cheer, and look -
it's clean as a whistle!

> Grime streaked across the
>fabric, rubbed on from the Borg ship. Taking a deep breath
>Jay began barking orders, deciding he'd explain later.
>

Crow: [Jay] You! Stand on your head and recite the Pledge of
Allegiance! You! Send a program of easy listening music
to the Cardassians! And you! Hose me down with pineapple
juice!

> "Shayna, go to Red Alert and order the fleet to do the
>same. Arm the main deflector dish and aim at these
>coordinates," followed by several numbers from Jay's memory.
>

Tom: Hey, if they've gotten back to before it all began,
shouldn't there be a spare Jay and Marrissa running
around somewhere?
Mike: Ummmmmm -
Tom: Unless a tree fell on them or something.
Crow: Maybe they first ones blinked out of existence when the
second ones arrived?
Mike: They were probably just swallowed by the plot holes.

> Shayna's hands danced gracefully over the controls as she
>carried out her Captain's orders. As the deflector dish
>spewed its beam of energy, Shayna decided to ask what the
>target was.

Mike: That's actually a good question to ask *before* you fire,
Shayna.

> Her question was answered as the ray sliced into
>the target coordinates. The beam halted and the Borg cube
>decloaked with a gaping hole where the beam had hit. When the
>cube drifted into the viewscreen's line of sight,

Crow: . . .It was pushed aside by Old Dirty Bastard from the Wu
Tang Clan who began to babble about "How he's doing all
of this for the children."

> Jay saw that
>the weapon had plowed right through to the other side of the
>cube.

Crow: [Joe Piscopo] It shoots through schools!

> After allowing the Enterprise a glimpse of her

All: Sa-a-a-a-ay...

> wound,

All: Aww-w-w-w-w!

>
>the ship promptly detonated. Their element of surprise lost,
>the other six Borg vessels decloaked.
>

Tom: [Borg] Okay, fine, you can see us! Happy now?!?

> The Borg communication came through on all channels. "We
>are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your vessels.
>We will acquire the future queen of the Borg.

Mike: At a substantial discount.

> We shall then
>assimilate the remaining individuals. Resistance is futile."
>
> Having heard all this before,

Tom: And at this point, who hasn't?

> Jay took the time to
>coordinate the fleet into a preemptive strike. The Defiants
>of the fleet clustered together and dove towards the nearest
>cube in a suicide dive with torpedoes and phasers firing all
>the way.

Mike: Ah, I see they've found firing them only part of the way
just isn't an effective tactic.

> Seconds before impact the Defiants broke off into
>various directions and continued pounding the hull. The
>larger starships had taken the time to get into their tactical
>groups and now assisted the Defiants by shooting at what ever
>targets presented themselves.

Crow: Including each other.
Tom: AIM, people, AIM!!! AIM!!!!!

> The Enterprise had launched her fighters

Mike: Along with Wade McClusky's flight of torpedo bombers.
Their goal: The IJN Kaga.

> and had begun to
>lend a hand with torpedoes while waiting for the deflector to
>recharge.
>
> A cube burst into a sphere of fire under the pounding
>from the ships and also from a lucky shot down the exhaust
>port.

Crow: Not to mention friendly cover fire from Han and Chewie
on the Millennium Falcon.
Tom: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crow: Hee-hee-hee!

> The fleet was getting worn down at the same time as a
>tactical group of five ships was immobilised by an EMP blast
>from a Borg ship. The Enterprise had recharged her deflector
>when a Defiant lashed out at the same target. Jay decided not
>to wait for the ship to move and ordered Shayna to fire.

Tom: What?
Crow: It seems Jay's getting a tad bloodthirsty. Marrissa would
be so proud.
Mike: Right about now, the Bridge crew's probably wondering
if it would be a bad thing if Jay was "accidentally"
shot in the back by the Borg during the battle.

> The
>blue-white beam lanced forth again, winging the Defiant and
>drilling another hole through the cube.

> Satisfied the cube
>was out of the way, Jay chose his next target.

Tom: Please say it's Craig Kilborn!

> It proved
>him wrong, however, as it fired an EMP burst into the
>Enterprise's rear shield. As the damaged cube exploded,
>another cube had managed to get close enough to beam in a
>small boarding party.
>

Crow: Boarders who party? Maybe Chip, Topher, and Christo came
aboard.

> "Captain," Shayna's voice called, "we have invaders on
>deck 21 and on deck 30."

Tom: [Jay] See if you can get Namor's autograph.

> "Dispatch Security Teams," Jay ordered, "Tell them not to
>worry about the Borg adapting. In their present state they
>can't adapt, control their ships, and direct their drones at
>the same time."
>

Crow: They can't?
Mike: Not if the Federation wants to win this, they can't.

> "Aye sir," Shayna responded.
>
> Meanwhile the Fleet was coping well. The tactical groups
>were making impressions on the remaining four cubes, one of
>which was severely damaged. The Defiants and Sovereigns were
>doing the most damage, focusing on weak points along the hull.
>The ships that were immobilised had repaired themselves and
>got back into the fight.

Tom: Who thinks Rob's entire idea of strategy comes from
playing "X-Wing vs. Tie Fighter?"
[Crow and Mike raise their hands.]

> the Borg were now
>being more random with their cutting lasers, waving them back
>and forth at the clusters of Starfleet ships.

Tom: [Jay] See if you can get Namor's autograph.

> Lasers met
>shields and phasers scarred the Borg hulls. Two starships had
>succumbed to the attack, being slashed across the engines.
>

Crow: Is it just me, or does anyone know what ships are firing
what at who, and why?
Mike: I think Rob is making up for all of Stephen's one-
sentence space battles at once.

> The Enterprise had recharged the deflector dish, but Clara
>announced it would be the last shot before the dish could not
>handle it. Swinging on its y-axis,

Crow: So is that up, or over, or head-over-butt, or what?

> the Nova-class vessel
>turned to its next victim. Before ordering the beam to fire,
>Jay noticed the exhaust port was in plain sight.
>

Mike: This is Red Five, I'm going in!
Tom: Mike. No more, please...

> "Tactical, arm quantum torpedoes and launch them into
>that cavity on the Borg ship," Jay ordered.

Tom: We've filled them with fluoride, right?
Mike: Jay Gordon, Starfleet dentist.

> "Then fire the
>dish at the cube to the port of the current target."
>

Tom: [Jay] Then have the dish run away with the spoon.

> The Nova-class Carrier launched the silver bullets of the
>torpedoes straight at the ship's heart. Then turning
>slightly, fired the blue-while beam into the another cube.
>Both detonated silently in space.
>

Mike: Oh, now he's just showing off.
Tom: Sounds like Jay's acquired Marrissa's powers via osmosis.

> "Lets help the fleet with that last one," Jay commanded.
>

Crow: Oh, let's not and say we did.

> The Enterprise charged the final cube where the
>fighters, Defiants, and the other starships were swarming over
>the target. The cube was putting up as much of a fight as it
>could. It was becoming tough to hit the cube without winging
>a disabled ship in the process.

Mike: Fortunately, we've already seen that Jay doesn't care
about that.

> The EM pulses were damaging
>the fleet's offensive capability and had knocked out the
>Enterprise's shields. The Federation flagship reached weapons
>range and attacked with all the conventional weaponry it could
>muster.
>

Mike: Tanks, bombs, guns. They were all thrown against the
Borg.

> "This is security team Beta 21 to the bridge," a voice
>filtered through the intercom. "All the Borg suddenly
>vanished. There are no further contacts. Security team 2012
>out."
>

Mike: [Security Voice] We're goin' back home - it's almost time
for "Xena".

> Something was looking up,

Mike: Something - or some*one*?!?

> until Shayna announced, "Sir,
>there's a massive energy build up in the cube! It looks like
>it's going to self-destruct!"
>

Crow: Then it exploded, confirming the hypothesis.

> "Order all operational ships to use tractor beams to tow
>whatever ships they can out of the blast radius! Do it now!"
>Jay responded.
>

Tom: Well, he could tow them away later, but what would be the
point?
Crow: [Jay] Oh hell. Let's just blow them up now. It'll save us
the work.

> In a slow retreat, the Federation backed away from the
>Borg vessel towing what they could manage.

[All make beeping sounds]

> The cube vaporised
>into thin air,

Crow: Despite there not being any actual air for it to vanish
into.

>leaving behind a massive blast of energy equivalent to the
>white hot intensity of a star. The surviving ships were home
>to amazing celebrations and victory parties. The Enterprise
>was no exception, as the crew abandoned their stations to give
>applause and congratulations to each other.

Mike: Um, shouldn't we be, like, tending to the wounded, and
rescuing people trapped in disabled ships, and-
Crow: Yeah, yeah, in a minute! First - JELLO SHOOTERS FOR
EVERYONE! WOOHOO!!
Tom: And no one noticed the warp core about to explode. Which
it did. The end.

> Jay was possibly the only one who was still
>duty bound and got up from the command chair.
>
> "Alex, you're in charge," Jay called over his should as
>he made his way to the turbolift.
>

Crow: Over his should, but behind his could and beside his
would.

> Ever since Jay's transport of Marrissa into Sickbay,
>things have been going crazy, thought Doctor Jackson Johnson.

Crow: Jarvis Jannson...
Mike: Jemimia Jellico...
Tom: Jam Jellyfish Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt Junior.

> He barely had
>time to put her in a stasis field when the battle started.
>There were a few injuries but nothing that medical techniques
>couldn't cure.

Crow: Dear lord, what's wrong with Marrissa?
Mike: The diagnosis just says "Spiceworld."
Crow: Well then, there's nothing we can do for her then.

> That was about an hour ago. Since then he and his
>medical staff had been working on their Borg/Marrissa. That
>was creepy enough to make him not want to know what put her in
>that state.

Tom: Would you really want a doctor who was easily creeped out?

> The surgery was finished, the implants were
>0removed,

Crow: But she was joining the class-action suit anyway.

> the nanoprobes were filtered out of her blood, and
>her hip had been regenerated. Marrissa was still unconscious
>but she'd be coming out of it soon. Jackson had left the
>recovery ward to bring in Jay and Sarah who had been watching
>the entire operation.
>

Mike: [Sarah] Look, daddy, an intestinal wall lining!
Tom: [Jay] Y-yeah, that's n-n-n-nice, sweetiAABLEARGH!!!!

> After escorting the Gordons in, Dr. Johnson left to
>attend to other duties letting the family reunite. Marrissa
>was the only one occupying the recovery ward,

Mike: Or so the Germans would have us believe. . .

> as the injuries from the battle
>were not very serious. She lay on a bio-bed which displayed
>all her life signs were in normal condition.

Tom: Ego already re-inflating, thirst for power engorged,
personality stable at one dimension - yep, she's normal.

> It also showed
>the anaesthetics were almost entirely removed from her blood.

Mike: But there were still signs of trendy redrum heroin in her
Blood.
Tom: Mike! NOOOOO!

>Jay stood over his wife, her golden blond hair had been
>cleaned to remove the black and grey streaks.

Crow: Lather. Rinse. Assimilate. Repeat.

> Her arms were
>no longer encased in Borg armour. The grey arteries and veins
>had reverted to their natural colours. A smile formed on
>Jay's face for the first time in several days,

Mike: He'd finally realized why Marrissa liked slaughtering
things so much. It was so much fun!

> as he watched
>his wife's eyes flicker open.

Crow: Damn! Jackson, you told me she was dead!

> The violet pupils were
>unfocused when they opened, but soon focused on Jay's face.

Tom: [Marrissa] Oh, hi, weenieboy, have you wrecked the ship
yet?

> Marrissa slowly came back from the blackness. Instead
>of the thousands of voices welcoming her, there was only one,
>her own.

Mike: Well, it was louder than all the others anyway.

> Her eyes opened and blurred, unaccustomed to the
>brightness of the lights. After a few moments she could see
>clearly a man holding a little girl standing over her.

Tom: It was Mr. and Mrs. Woody Allen.

> Her
>own memory supplied names and relationships, and she
>remembered her husband and her daughter. It also recalled
>other names and faces of her friends, and her brain wondered
>where they were.

Tom: Then she remembered, Marrissa has no friends, just
possible tools in her quest for power.

> It all returned in a rush. Her
>assimilation, the destruction of Essex, her adoptive father's
>death, the eradication of Starfleet, and the murdering
>of her closest friends.

Crow: Except for the assimilation, she'd had a swell time!

> Overwhelmed by the horrendous
>things she had done, she reached out for the only comfort she
>could get.
>

Crow: And Bill Clinton was there....

> It was as if Jay could see it happening. Her
>recollection of all the events to the time she was knocked
>unconscious. He could only imagine what she was going
>through.

Mike: She's probably going through the same sort of hell that
Jay lived through in every day of their joyless marriage.
Tom: SUFFER MARRISSA, SUFFER!

> The warping and destruction of her values
>and morals was going to do emotional damage that would take
>quite a while to heal.

Crow: That is, it *would*, if she had any - Marrissa will be
up and sending ensigns to shallow, meaningless deaths
by Thursday.

> She reached out to him, longing for
>his comfort,

Tom: After getting the comfort, Marrissa planned to smack him
around a bit for trying to kill her.

> and he returned the embrace.

Crow: Marrissa was now one of the Kindred.

> Sarah was enfolded
>into the hug and they remained that way for what seemed like
>days. Marrissa wept freely, Sarah babbled with no concept of
>what happened, and Jay pondered.

Tom: Is it trite to say that, in this case, I completely
identify with Sarah's feelings?

>
>He wondered how it was possible that more than a week ago he
>had questioned his love for this woman.

Crow: We're still wondering why you didn't question it even
earlier than that.

> He had risked himself,
>his crew, and the future of humanity to bring her home safely.
>Babble poured from his lips for a few moments,

Mike: Thus giving evidence that Vitamin C does not trigger
bloodfeud obligations.

> trying to comfort and explain all at the same
>time. Finally he realised it could wait until later, and just
>enjoyed the time they shared.
>

Tom: [Marrissa] Jay, why did you try to keep from becoming one
of my Borg slaves?
Mike: [Jay] Well, I , ah. . .
Tom: [Marrissa] Jay, go put on the punishment suit.
Mike: [Jay] Yes ma'am.

>Time: Not Applicable
>

Mike: Boy, even with the accumulated knowledge of dozens of
species, the Borg still can't set the clock on a VCR.

> The last Borg cube had overloaded almost all the power
>supplies it had to force itself outside time. They could
>spend the time they needed to repair the ship, then return to
>the Delta Quadrant and get additional ships.

Crow: But first, a little side trip to Wednesdays at 8:00,
7:00 central, to boost some ratings.

> All without
>worrying about lost opportunities. Drones scuttled
>about, readying the power generators for the return trip.

Tom: [Borg] Did we pack everything? I don't want to have to
turn the whole collective around because someone left a
book in the dresser.

>
>However, some drones had more important jobs.

Crow: Like manning the soda machine.

> The two
>individuals they had acquired from the vessel would soon be
>fully assimilated. The final implants were added and the
>drones stepped back. The female was the first to awaken.

Mike: Yeah, they always are.

> Standing up from the table she was assimilated
>on, she oriented herself to her new position in the
>Collective. She was joined by the male moments later who also
>grew aware of the great consciousness around them. The two
>took notice of each other and enjoyed a lasting kiss.

Crow: [Borg] Kiss me, you Borg.
Tom: [Borg] Blonde Borgs have the same fun.

>The new Queen and King of the Borg then set to work directing
>the repairs to the ship.

Mike: Wanna bet who they are?
Tom: I think we all know.

> Despite the tubes and armour
>covering their bodies,

Tom: Okay, just tell us it's them.
Crow: Yeah, quit wasting time and give with it!

> the faces remained untouched.

Mike: C'mon, we know who they are, already!
Tom: Just say it!
Crow: *Say it!*
All: SAY IT!!!

>They were Marrissa and Jay.

All: BUM-BUM-BOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
Tom: The reaction - dull surprise!

> The End
> (or is it?)
>

Crow: It'd *better* be!
Tom: Time for your little plan, Nelson.
Crow: It'd better work.
Mike: It will. Trust me.
Crow: I've got a really bad feeling about this.
Tom: [Sobbing] Enough with the Star Wars already!

[They exit.]

[1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . .]
[There's even more crew members milling about now than there
were last time. Tom and Crow are wandering about the Bridge.
Mike is nowhere to be seen.]
Crow: Mike?
Tom: Miiike?
Crow: Do you think he found another escape pod and left without
telling us?
Tom: No, it's still under the theater seat where I left it.
Crewmember #4: Hi! I'm the character representing an oppressed
minority in today's society. . .
Tom: That's nice. Mike!
Crewmember #5: And I'm the young scientific wizard!
Crow: Mike!
Crewmember #6: And I'm Sarah Alara Pic. . .
Bots: MIIIIIKE!!!!!!
[Suddenly, the hexfield opens. Mike appears on the screen. He's
once again dressed like Katherine Janeway.]
Mike: Attention all crew members! Dangerous alien snipes are
attempting to board our vessel through the cargo bay!
Head down there and repel the boarders!
[The crew rapidly exits the stage, leaving Tom and Crow behind.
Mike runs in from the right of the screen.]
Mike: Quick Crow! Wait until they're all in the cargo bay and
then open the hatch!
Crow: Gotcha! Okay, now!
[The scene shifts to an exterior shot of the Satellite of Love.
There is a burst of air and then a multitude of bodies are
blasted out of the cargo bay.]
Tom: Mike? You do realize that you just sent over a hundred
people out into the void of space to meet their doom?
Mike: Relax. A shuttlecraft or a runabout or something will
rescue them.
[Back outside, a small ship appears next to the former crew
members, who disappear in a sparkle of light.]
Mike: See? They're fine. Now to deal with Herb. . .
[As Mike, turns towards the viewscreen, a bright flash of light
illuminates the bridge.]
Mike: What was that?
Crow: Oh, nothing Mike. Just go about your business.
Mike: Oh. Okay.
Tom: [To Crow] The shuttle blew up, didn't it?
Crow: [To Tom] Yep. Don't tell him. It'll break his little
brain.
Mike: Okay Herb. I know that you're there. Answer.

[Apartment]
[Herb and Curtis stand in the foreground. Pearl's in the
background.]
Herb: Nelson, did you just space those actors? Their union's
going to complain about that.

[SoL]
Mike: Forget that Goodman. We're not playing by your rules
anymore.
Tom: Yeah!
Crow: Down with the bourgeois!

[Apartment]
Herb: Nelson, you seem to forget. I've got a contract. I can do
anything that I want to that little show of yours. You
can be easily replaced. Gallagher hasn't been doing
anything lately. . .

[SoL]
Mike: I scoff at your empty threats!

[Apartment]
Herb: And your little friends can be replaced too. We haven't
seen Alf or those cute little Ewoks for a while either. .

[SoL]
Tom: You fiend!
Crow: Mike, you can't let him do this to us!
Mike: Relax, guys.

[Apartment]
Herb: Or I could just change your show's format. Say, make it
into an X-Files show, but make it more like Friends.
Yeah, that's what I'll do all right . . .
[There's a knock at the apartment door. Herb looks puzzled.]
Herb: Who is it?
Muffled Voice: Girl Scouts.
Herb:[Walking to the door] Oh, is it cookie time again? Well,
I suppose that I can afford to buy a few boxes.
[Herb opens the door, and then jumps back in shock as Gypsy's
mouth clamps down over Herb's head and torso and drags him off
screen. Moments later, Gypsy enters through the door.]

[SoL]
Mike: Great work Gypsy! I knew you could do it!

[Apartment]
Gypsy: Well, of course I could do it Mike. I do have an IQ of
6,000 when I'm not running the ship. [Mumbles] And you
use it by having me swallow someone whole. Should I
hold a door open for you next?
[Curtis is backing towards the door. He's stopped by Pearl.]
Pearl: Going somewhere?
Curtis: Hey, I'm just the hired help around here. I was just
following orders.
[The Observer walks through the open door.]
Pearl: That's okay. The Observer's just following orders too.
Observer: [Grasping Curtis by the shoulder] Normally, my race
dislikes violence. I'll make an exception this time.
[Curtis screams as the Observer drags him out the door.]
Pearl: Nice job Nelson.

[SoL]
Mike: Thanks, Mrs. F. And Gypsy, we're glad to have you back.
And we're even happier that Pearl promised to take us
home and stop showing us these horrible movies and fan-
fics!

[Apartment]
Pearl: Oh. Yeah. I did promise that, didn't I? Er, well. . .
[Pearl stops as she sees something on the floor near the door.
She reaches down and hold up a piece of paper marked "Deed."]
Pearl: Hmm. Herb must have dropped this. . .
[She opens it up and reads softly out loud.]
Castle Forrester? {Pearl grins a very evil grin.] Of
course. I'll be glad to take you home.
[The Observer has reappeared. Pearl hands the deed over to him.
He looks it over briefly and then he begins to chuckle evilly.]
Pearl: We'll take you home right now, won't we Brain Guy?
Observer: Oh yes. We'll head back to Earth right now.

[SoL]
Mike: Great! Let's get started!
[An auburn haired woman walks onto the stage.]
Woman: Excuse me. I'm Claudia Christian. My agent told me that
you had a part open?
Mike: [To Pearl] There's no hurry getting us back.

[Studio]
Pearl: Okay Mike. We'll head back to Earth right away. [To The
Observer] Will you do the honors?
Observer: Gladly.

\ | /
\ | /
--- * --- PWOOOOSH!
/ | \
/ | \

[We hear a door burst open.]
Bobo: Say Lawgiver? I just had a great thought; how about a
perfume that smells like a bakery?
Pearl: Bobo, get out of that stupid outfit!

Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 "Hail to the Queen"

Starring:
Michael Nelson as Mike Nelson
Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo
Bill Corbett as Crow
Patrick "Pantleg" Brantseg as Gypsy
Mary Jo Pehl as Pearl Forrester
Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo
Bill Corbett As The Observer
Elizabeth "Beez" McKeever as "Babe"
Elliot Gould as Herb Goodman
Garrett Morris as Curtis
Paul Chapin as Chip
Claudia Christian as Herself
And Zack Norman is Sammy in 'Chief Zabu'

"Hail to the Queen" was written by Rob Tounts.
<rto...@direct.ca>

Based upon "The Marrissa Stories" by Stephen Brian Ratliff.
<srat...@runet.edu>

MiSTing written by
Matt Blackwell <mbla...@ix.netcom.com>
Doug Earlham <do...@earlham.edu>
Michael K. Neylon <mne...@engin.umich.edu>
Bill Livingston <bi...@Traveller.COM>
Steven Savage <bad...@infinet.com>

Editing by Matt Blackwell.

Special thanks to John Winn, whose technical difficulties kept
him from participating in the MiSTing.

"Star Trek", "Star Trek The Next Generation", "Deep Space
Nine", "Star Trek: Voyager" and all related characters and
situations are trademarks of and (c) 1998
Desilu/Paramount/Viacom. All rights are reserved.

"Mystery Science Theater 3000" and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1998 by Best
Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non-
commercial parody, review, and commentary purposes only; no
infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by
Best Brains, Inc., Paramount, Inc., or anyone else, is intended
or should be inferred.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for
entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original
copyrights or trademarks held by others is intended or should
be inferred.

No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s)
are or should be implied. All characters in this work are
fictional except for those who aren't , and any resemblance
to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Celene Dion's song from Titanic has won an Academy Award.
Sigh.

Keep circulating the posts.

> The doors slid open to reveal Marrissa
>once again nursing the child with a surprised, and vaguely
>annoyed,look when she saw Jay.