MiSTing: TimeLapse 2/8
Chris Mayfield
>
> The party materialized on the command center of the station.
Tom: Unfortunately, the command center had been exposed to the
vacuum of space and all exploded seconds before they would have
died from asphyxiation. The end.
>The station was in extream disrepair. Loose wires hung from the
>rafters.
Mike: Dear God! The circuitry committed suicide!
> A lone light blinked here and there. At once tricorters
>were opened and personal light switched on.
All: [singing] This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it
shine...
> Riker scanned the
>situation then taped his comunicator.
Crow: To his chest.
Mike: [Riker] Stupid pin clasps. There, that'll fix it.
> "Captain?"
> "Yes, Number one."
> "This place is a mess.
Bots: A chocolate mess!
> No bodys but a large amout of
>structual dammage.
Mike: It's a fixer-upper, all right.
> It would appear that what ever did this was
>very carful to remove everything not nailed down."
Tom: [Riker] Wait, there appears to be a body nailed down over
here.
> "Understood. Continue investigation."
> The away team continued to rummage through the debry.
Crow: Look at this perfectly good sofa they're tossing out!
> Geordi
>and Worf headed to the engeneering section. Data activated a
>station, looked at it almost confused,
Tom: [Data] Hmm. "What...hath...God...wrought."
> and then spoke.
Mike: Thus spake Datathustra.
> "Commander?"
> "Yes?"
> "I think you should look at this."
> Riker walked over to the display."What is it?"
Tom: It's this mole. I swear it's gotten larger. I think I've got
skin cancer.
> "I have found what would appear to be the personal logs. But
>there is a descrepincy."
Crow: Can't they just give Whitewater a rest?
> "Which is?" Riker did not need to be lead on like this.
Mike: He needed love.
> "The stardates on these logs are 120 years past what should
>be here."
> Geordi's voice came over the communicator.
Crow: Watson, come here.
> "Commander?"
> "Yes?"
> "I've done a complete over view of engeneering.
Tom: [Geordi] Me and Worf made a really cool fort down here.
> The equipment
>here would rival the engines aboard the Entereprise.
Mike: Considering that the engines aboard the Enterprise are now
huge lumps of fused metal and circuitry, that's not saying much.
> There's
>equipment here that should still be on the drawing board."
Crow: Thank goodness whoever it was who stripped the station left
these incredibly advanced engines here intact.
> "Record what you can
Tom: And we'll mix the tracks back at the studio.
> and meet back at the Enterprise in 2
>hours",Riker turned his attention to Data.
Crow: [Riker] Alone at last.
> "Get what you can. I
>want to look around."
Mike: [Riker] I want to see the "Farm Machinery of the 1800s"
exhibit.
> "Do you think that wise, Commander?"
> "I don't see any problem." Riker turned to leave.
>
Crow: And another scene...sort of...peters...out...
> Riker wandered into one of the personal quarters.
Tom: [Riker] Data? Are you in here? Geordi? Worf? Come on, you
guys. This isn't funny.
> After a
>quick search he found a book.
Crow: [Riker] Thank you, Mr. Dewey.
> What a book was doing on a science
>station he didn't know.
Mike: Heaven forbid they would be doing research.
> Most stations now run entierly on
>computer files. He palmed the book
Crow: Oh, Riker's a magician.
> and opened it.
Tom: [Riker] Hmm... To Serve Man...
> He looked over
>the first page.
Mike: The sky above the port was the color of television...
Crow: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Tom: The clocks were striking thirteen...
> To his surprise he saw that it was a histery
>book. With events
Mike: He then found a math book with formulas and a science book
with laws and theories.
> that were happening only a year ago being cited
>as old history. Data's voice broke
Crow: Incredible! Data is experiencing puberty!
Tom: He must have the Insty Adolescence Kit.
> his concentration.
> "Commander we are ready to beam aboard
Mike: What kind of board?
Tom: Norwegian wood. Isn't it good?
> the Enterpirse."
> "Be right there." He set the book down, hesitated than picked
>it up
Mike: [Riker, pondering] This might be a plot device...better take
it, just to be safe.
> and hurried out the door.
>
> Back abourd the Enterprise the away team was being debriefed.
All: [start to speak, then decide it just isn't worth it]
> "Sir", said Data,"It would appear that this station has been
>through a time warp.
Crow: [monotone] Oh joy. Yet another exciting time-travel story.
> All evedence would point to
Tom: O.J. Simpson.
> the fact that
>the people living on board were living in the time indecated by
>the computer logs."
Mike: Thank you, Mr. State-the-Blindingly-Obvious.
> "I would have to agree, sir."said Geordi,
All: Suck-up.
> "There was equipment
>there that I had only seen before in prototype designs and rough
>sketches."
> "Ok. But what would cause the battle dammage?"
Mike: A battle?
> "It is possable that the station was under attack when the
>time warp was formed." said, or barked, Worf.
Tom: Sit, Worf, sit. Good Klingon.
> "That is ture sir. We have seen that kind of thing before."
Crow: About every other week, in fact. It's one of the only three
plots we have.
Mike: Spatial anomaly or alien confrontation. Hey, wait! We
haven't had a holodeck episode all month!
> "Very well. Mister LaForge are you now able to repair the
>Enterprise?"
> "Yes, sir. Useing the satation as a plateform
Tom: [Minnewegian] Oh, Flora got the most lovely patterned china
the other day. It's got little flowers all around the edges.
Crow: [same] Oh, ya, but did ya see the set the Harbaughs' got for
their 30th? It's so darling!
> we will be able
>to carry out
Mike: Or dine in.
> repairs."
> "Good. Set priority on communications and warp engines."
>
> Back on the bridge the crew sat waiting for repairs
Tom: This fanfic has less action than even an Coleman Francis
film.
Crow: Tea, Earl Grey? I like tea, Earl Grey.
> to be
>made. The calm of the hours slipped by.
Mike: Like sand through an hourglass, these are the Days of our
Lives.
> Then like a shot in the
>dark
Tom: Starring Peter Sellers.
> Worf spoke up.
> "Sir! Ship approching at high speeds."
Crow: If the ship drops below warp five, it will explode.
> "On viewer."
> The screen blinked. There on the screen was a ship.
Mike: There, on the door, was a claw.
> "Magnify."
> "The screen blinked again. The ship was larger, more detail.
Tom: [in mock disbelief] Amazing!
>It was much like a Federation design. Large saucer with engines
>protruding from the sides.
Mike: Those aren't engines, those are "love handles."
> "It regesters as no known design. But I would hypothisise
>that it is one of ours."
Crow: [Data] Because I say so.
> "Agreed Mister Data. Worf, open hailing freqinces."
> "They are ignoring us. Sir the ships weapon systems are
>powering up."
Mike: Make up your mind. Are they ignoring us, or are they going
to kill us?
> "Yellow alert. Shields up. Mister LaForge we may have to
>leave in a bit prepare to uncopple."
Tom: Francis Ford Uncopple-a.
Mike: Lame.
Crow: Was that an "Almost Live" ref?
Mike: Actually--huh?
> "Yes, sir."
> "The ship is attempting lock on!"
All: Lock on! [clap, clap] Lock off! [clap, clap] Lock on, lock
off, the locker!
> "Red alert! Evasive action! Worf try to get them to talk to
>us."
Mike: [Worf] I can't, sir! It seems they're still mad at us for
forgetting their birthday!
> "Sir they're fireing!"
Tom: Sir, the recession is hitting them hard!
> The alien ship let loose with a barage of emerald light. Just
>missing the Enterprise, they struck the station.
Mike: As whimsical and entertaining, but without substance.
> The outer hull
>of the station was ripped appart. The resulting explosion knocked
>the Enterprise
Crow: Up.
> hard.
> "Arm photon torpedos. Prepare to fire. Bring us about."
> The Enterprise swung around to face the alien ship head on.
All: Chicken! Whoo! Ram 'em!
> "Fire!"
Tom: Don't you know you're not supposed to yell "fire" on a
crowded starship?
> The Enterprise fired a crimson blade throught the night. It
>hit square on the ship. The alien ships shield absorbed it easy.
Crow: It's got wings!
>Following close behind was a barage of torpedos. Empacting on
>various parts of the shield, they looked much like flys caught on
>a windshield.
Mike: No one can paint a scene like Demetrius Pietz.
> "We did nothing to them!" Worf was most dipleased.
> "At ease, Mister Worf. Geordi, have we got warp speed?"
Tom: No. Go fish.
> "Yes, sir."
> "Plot
Crow: Hackneyed, sir!
> corse to reach the nearist starbase. Top speed,
>Engage!"
Tom: Captainpicardwouldyoumarryme?
> The Enterprise turned again and left as quick as the engines
>would allow. The alien ship gave chase.
Mike: The aliens always give the same thing every year.
> "Sir,"said Worf,"The alien ship is following and closing."
Crow: [announcer] Hello! Our race is going out of business, and
everything must go!
> Explosions rocked the ship.
> "There fireing on us!"
> "Thank you Mister Worf, but I believe I could determine that.
Tom: Rrrrrrrowr!
Crow: Geez, Picard gets catty.
>Prepare aft lauchtubes. Fire at will."
Mike: [Riker] What did I do?
> Volly after volly raced back to the alien ship only to be
>brushed aside. More hits were scored against the Enterprise.
Tom: It's the bottom of the eighth and the Enterprise is behind
2-5 with one out remaining.
> "Brige this is Engeneering. We can't take this abuse.
Mike: We're taking the children and going to our mother's.
> The
>shields are going to fail."
Crow: We're sending out their D-slips now.
> "Sir, I am now regestering another ship
Tom: June weddings are so cliche.
> coming into sensor
>range."
> "Great."remarked Riker,"Just what we need."
Tom: This is like reading a David Eddings novel. They all sit
around making wry comments.
Mike: It's David and Leigh now.
Tom: Whatever.
> "Sir."
> "What is it Data?"
Crow: [barking] Rowf! Rowf!
Mike: Timmy's trapped? Down in Dead Rock Canyon?
> "The new ship is regestering as a Klingon friget."
Tom: Friget Bardeaux.
> More hits rock the Enterprise.
Mike: Sounds like the Enterprise got "Totaly Eighties."
> "Options people, I need them now."
Crow: Front airbags! Power seating! A CD player! Anti-lock brakes!
> "We could getision some of the anti-matter bottles.
Mike: They're going to throw Zima at them.
> Alow them
>to come in contact with the prosuing ship."
Tom: But if they do that, they'll get slapped with a lawsuit.
> "Agreed Data. LaForge, I need you to jetison
Crow: George Jetison.
> four anti-matter
>containers for a delayed detination."
> "As you wish sir."
Tom: Now it's "I Dream of Genie."
> Another hit on the Enterprise.
Mike: Those aliens are so fresh.
> The ship slowed.
> "What happened?"
Crow: We slowed down. Pay attention!
> "It's the warp engines sir. There down again."
> "Damn. Launch the anti-
Tom: Pope. Clement III away.
Crow: Foul! Foul! No fair breaking up words.
Tom: It was hyphenated.
Crow: Uh-uh. Not buying it. What do you think, Mike?
Mike: We'll let it slip this time, Tom, but watch out.
Tom: [muttering] Spoilsport.
> matter."
> The universe held its breath.
Mike: Suddenly, the author attempts personification, with pathetic
results.
> The four lone conatiners sailed
>through space. Then erupted into a blase of fury.
Crow: Oh, that is *sooo* furious.
> "Sir the alien ship has been seriously dammaged. No shields,
Tom: Then they're going to have to sell off a city improvement
next turn.
>and internal damage to weapons and hull."
> "Sir, the Klingon ship is apoching."
Mike: [old man] Get off my land, you poachers!
> "Steady everyone."
> "Sir it is passing us by.
All: [singing] Don't pass me by, don't make me cry, don't make me
blue...
> It is going after the other ship."
> The small ship closed on the masive alien war ship. After a
>few pop shots
Tom: Soda!
Crow: Pop!
Tom: Soda!
Crow: Pop!
Mike: Carbonated beverage!
Bots: What?
Mike: I just thought...
> by the alien, the Klingon ship fired into the
>weakened alien vessel. Hull breaches acoured across the sauser
Tom: [falsetto] My good dishes!
>and alond the secondary hull. One warp engine was totaly
Crow: Bogus.
>distroyed, taking with it several pieces of the ship.
Mike: It's a Lego ship.
> Another
>engine was blown off. It floated off and impacted with the saucer
>section.
Tom: Of the Enterprise, which exploded, killing everyone aboard.
The end.
> After a few minutes of this turkey shoot the Klingon
>vessel backed off.
> "Sir," said Worf," We are being hailed."
Crow: It's golf ball sized, sir.
> "On screen."
> The screen flickered.
Mike: [Picard] Will, wiggle the antenna around.
> On the other side was a view of the
>Klingon ship. The crew consisted of a mish mash of diffrent races
>from all over the Fereration.
Crow: It's being manned by Miss Universe contestants!
> One of the figures, a vulcan, stood
>and walked forward.
Mike: [tries to make the IDIC gesture] Oh, screw it.
> "Greetings."
> "Greetings." replied Picard.
> "I am Sedo, captain of the rebelion fleet ship Parthaw.
Tom: Which is an anagram of "Warpath." Sneaky, huh?
Mike: I don't think Demetrius Pietz ever put that much thought
into this story.
> You
>have been identifyed as a Galaxy
Mike: I knew the Enterprise was big, but I didn't think it was
that big.
Crow: Maybe they're referring to Will's ego.
> class starship of the old
>Fereration. Youre presence here is most intreaging."
> "Silence viewscreen."
Crow: Silence, you inanimate objects! I am the master here! I'm
the god, I'M THE GOD!
> "Old Federation?" asked Riker.
> "Sir," said Data turning around,
Tom: Until he got dizzy and fell down.
> "If what he said is true it
>would explain much."
> "Such as?"
Mike: The existence of this fanfic.
> "It would indecate that the station is not out of time. But
>we are."
All: [muted trumpet] Wah, wah, wah, wah, waaaaaaah.
[They get up.]
Tom: [whispering] Hey, Crow. What if we...
[6...5...4...3...2...1...]
[Nobody is visible on the SOL.]
Magic Voice: One day, all the robots disappeared.
[Mike enters carrying a plate and a pair of pants.]
Mike: Hey, Crow, I just finished ironing your sensible pants.
Could you come and put them away? [pause] Crow? Crow! [nothing]
Tom! I made a ham sammich for you. It's right over here, on this
plate. All yummy and just waiting to be eaten up. [looks around]
Uh, Tommy? Can you hear me?
MV: No one knew where they had gone.
[Mike looks up at MV (or wherever she originates from) and appears
to figure out what's going on.]
Mike: Hey Gypsy...I've got an autographed picture of Richard
Basehart here...
[Gypsy comes running on, followed shortly after by Crow and Tom.]
Gypsy: Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!
Crow: No fair, Mike. That's cheating!
Tom: That's hitting below the belt.
Mike: All's fair in love and war.
Gypsy: Where's my picture of Richard Basehart?
Mike: There is no picture, Gypsy. I used it to lure--
Gypsy: [lets out a howl of pain from being cheated of Richard
Basehart, then runs off.]
Crow: Good one, Mike.
Mike: But you guys started it.
[Off stage, Gypsy's sobbing can be heard.]
Mike: We'll be right back. [to Gypsy, as he walks off screen
towards her] I didn't mean to. There, there...
[Commercials]
[Continued in part 3]