MiSTed: Reboot -- Breaking the Barriers [ 2 / 4 ]

[Joseph Nebus]

[ COMMERCIALS ]

[ THEATER. TOM, JOEL, and CROW file in. ]

> * * * * * * * *
> * *

CROW: This is the toughest piece to play in Tetris.
>
> Part Ten
>
> Dot and Enzo stood outside the game cube watching for a sign
> that Bob had won the game.

JOEL: [ As Dot ] They're watching back at us!

> "Come on, Bob!" Enzo shouted, "Kick their
> bitmaps!!" Dot pulled out her organizer and called Phong.

TOM: Isn't he busy helping A-tor?

> As his
> face appeared on the small screen, Dot asked him if he knew how things
> were going in the game.

JOEL: [ As Enzo ] The Babylonians just wiped out the Russians, and
the Aztecs built Marco Polo's Embassy so I'm redirecting my
project to Leonardo da Vinci's workshop ... I think we can
pull this out.

> "Bob is doing quite well, my child," Phong
> assured her, "they should be out soon."

CROW: Just like the last 68 times you asked.

> "Thanks Phong." Dot said, and
> left him to continue scanning the game. Looking up at the cube, she
> frowned. The cube had landed on an empty sector,

TOM: And the only starship in it was the Enterprise.

> yet Phong had said
> 'they', was that just a slip up, or did Bob have another sprite in
> there with him.

JOEL: That would imply Mainframe has more than eight people in it.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -------------------------------

CROW: This is gonna be a tough "Hangman."

>
> Meanwhile,

TOM: [ As the narrator from "Dangermouse" ] Look, is that all I'm
going to have to say this episode?

> inside the game.....
>
> Carrie and Bob raced through the corridors. Bob looked down
> at Glitch. "Game Stats."

CROW: The Cubs lost.

> he ordered and Glitch whired to life. "How
> are we doing?" Carrie panted,

JOEL: We checked the game stats almost perfectly.

> as they continued to run down the hall.
> "We're almost there," He said, "just down this hallway, to the right.

TOM: [ Snickering ] Swing the door wide open, don't turn the light on!

> "Where's The User?" she asked.

CROW: The one that isn't you?
TOM: Yeah, hey, if this is Carrie's computer then who's on it?

> Bob pushed one of the buttons on
> Glitch, then laughed. "The User hasn't even passed the third level
> yet!"

CROW: [ Snorting ] The schmuckle balls they let on computers these days.
JOEL: He's trying to figure out how to get the red card key.

> He stopped running, and Carrie started to catch her breath.
> "The third level?" She gasped, "That's five behind us!!" Bob nodded,
> and Carrie laughed.

TOM: Tournament Chutes and Ladders.

> "I guess we have no worries about it beating us
> there!" she giggled. "Let's get into the chamber."

CROW: Won't John McEnroe torment them, then?

> He turned towards
> the door, then stopped and faced Carrie again.

TOM: [ As Carrie ] Should we go kick sand in the user's face some?

> He flashed her his
> killer smile, then grabbed her hand.

JOEL: Aack! Your smile -- it's -- poi...son...

> He pushed the heavy door open,
> and they walked in together.
>
> The room sparkled and shone brightly. The walls of the
> chamber were made of the finest crystal in all colours.

TOM: *This* is where all that money invested in dot-coms went.

> Light was
> reflecting in all directions, the source was a beautifully ingraved
> gold box

JOEL: It's where Grandmom keeps her sewing kit.

> set on a pedestal that appeared to be able to generate it's
> own light.

CROW: It's got Quentin Tarantino's whole career in there.

> They walked toward it, marvelling in the splendor they
> were witnessing.

TOM: To sum up, it was way cool.

> Bob still hadn't released Carrie's hand, but she
> didn't notice, or care for that matter, she quite enjoyed it.

TOM: She's enjoying the sensation she's not experiencing.

> They
> slowly approached the pedestal, staring in awe at this beautiful
> artifact.

CROW: [ As Carrie ] Ahem. The *Box*.
TOM: [ As Bob ] Right, right, sorry.

> "I guess that's what we're looking for." Carrie breathed,

JOEL: Now look for the little dot that says "You are here."

> afraid to speak in more than a whisper. "I guess so." Bob whispered,
> then he reached out to touch it.

JOEL: [ As the Wizard of Oz ] COME FORWARD, Cowardly Lion!

> "Wait!" Carrie said, grabbing his
> wrist.

TOM: No! Don't touch it! It's EEEEEvil!

> Bob looked at her, confused. "This is the biggest trick of
> all." She explained.

CROW: So remember which is your card.

> "When there's more than one player, we have to
> touch the box at the same time or it releases the final trap.

TOM: It's a little trap the game designer put in because
he knew it'd be a plot point someday.

> I
> learned that the hard way a few times." Releasing his wrist, she
> smiled at him, then squeezed his other hand gently.

CROW: OK, let's take a countdown, right? One, two, three ...

> He returned her
> smile, and they reached out to the box at the same time.

TOM: I thought you were going to touch on three!
CROW: NO, I was going to count three and then say, "NOW!"

>
> * * * * * * * *
> * *
>
> Part Eleven

TOM: Now stepping out onto the high dive...

>
> The box was small, so when Carrie and Bob touched it, their
> hands overlapped gently.

JOEL: Oh, I think their rasters just interrupted the methods.

>
> "GAME OVER! GAME OVER!"

TOM: This is a bug hunt, man!

>
> Carrie closed her eyes as the game cube began to ascend into
> the sky.

JOEL: Cube-on, take me away!

> She could feel the bottom of the cube sweep over her,

CROW: OOh! You naughty, naughty cube.

> taking
> her game character with it.

TOM: That just means she changed clothes.

> As she opened her eyes, she looked at Bob
> and smiled.

JOEL: What would happen if they were dropped into a game of The Sims?

> As he returned her smile, they heard a sound behind them.

TOM: [ "Law and Order" type sting ] Dum-dummm!

> "Ahem."
>
> Bob and Carrie turned. There stood Dot and Enzo.

CROW: Enzo's jealous 'cause Bob promised to kiss him next.

> Enzo looked
> as if his jaw was going to hit the ground and Dot looked like she was
> ready to delete someone.

JOEL: Let's hope it's Carson Daly.

> "Bob," she said, her anger tightly
> controlled, "Who is that?"

TOM: [ As Carrie ] It's Bob.
JOEL: [ As Bob ] She means you, dear.

> Bob and Carrie looked at each other, then
> realized that they were still holding each others hands.

JOEL: Quick, pass them back to each other and put them back on.

> Carrie
> pulled her hands away, and stuck them behind her back. Bob smiled
> nervously, trying to lighten the subject.

TOM: So! Any questions?

> "Oh," he said, waving a
> hand at Carrie neutrally. "Dot, this is Carrie.

CROW: Add, this is carry. Clear?

> She's...uh...she's
> new to Mainframe." he stammered, "Carrie, this is Dot Matrix."

JOEL: Joan Rivers? Here?

>
> Carrie smiled at Dot, hoping to change her obvious first
> impression. "Hello."

TOM: She should try 'READY.'

> Carrie said, "It's a pleasure to finally meet
> you."

CROW: Aw, first dates are so awkward.

> Carrie's mind raced. *Say something positive!* she thought.

JOEL: [ As Carrie ] Three minus five! D'oh!

> "Bob's told me so much about you.

TOM: Just don't ask Bob to tell you what.

> You're Mainframe's best
> entrepreneur, aren't you?"

CROW: Shouldn't that be info-preneur?
TOM: Not while we have a shred of dignity left in the world.

> Bob and Dot both looked at her surprised.
> "Well," Dot said, "I run a data diner in Baudway."

TOM: So let's put on a show!

> Carrie smiled.
> *Good! I hit the right subject!*

JOEL: Talk *about* the other person's interest, it can work!

>
> Carrie looked at Bob. "Oh yes," she said, "Bob told me about
> that. 'Fastest food in Mainframe'!"

TOM: And he didn't say a word about those five dead health inspec--
[ Embarassed ] --tors.

> Dot smiled, obviously flattered
> by Carrie's comments. "Why, thank you."

CROW: To show gratitude? To be polite?
JOEL: Huh?

> Dot said, then she frowned
> at Bob. "May I have a word with you?"

TOM: Only if it's not "factotum."

> she asked him, "Please excuse
> us for a moment."

JOEL: You're excused.

> she told Carrie and Enzo, and she pulled Bob off to
> the side.

TOM: [ As Dot ] I told you no-more-fanfic-writers!

> "Bob, why were you two in the game together?"

CROW: A big cube fell on them.

> Bob glanced
> over at Carrie, who was talking to an excited Enzo.

JOEL: Enzo's easily excited.

> Taking a deep
> breath, Bob began to explain what had happened.

CROW: In the beginning, there was FORTRAN.

>
> * * * * * * * *

TOM: didididit didididit

> * *

TOM: didit.
CROW: A Muppet News Bulletin.

>
> Part Twelve

JOEL: All this time and we're barely started.

>
> Carrie stood there patiently as Enzo began to ask her question
> after question.

TOM: He should wait for an answer.

> "You're new around here, aren't you? Where'd you come
> from? How do you know Bob? Huh, huh?"

CROW: Why does it rain? Why is the sky blue? Is Santa Claus real?
Can I have a nickel? I want a bicycle. Why does --
[ JOEL puts a hand on CROW's shoulder. ]

> Carrie smiled at Enzo's
> enthusiasm,

TOM: [ As Carrie ] He's cute. I'll eat him last.

> and answered his first and last questions,

CROW: By Olaf Stapledon.

> carefully
> avoiding the other.

JOEL: She didn't know why the sky was blue.

> "This is my first time in Mainframe." she told
> him, "I've never been here before."

CROW: But I already saved the star of the show. I'm ahead of schedule.

> She smiled down at his curious
> face. "Actually, I ended up here by accident. That's how I met Bob.

JOEL: Ask your mother. She'll tell you.

> I'd heard of him before, but I just met him this cycle."

CROW: We're very close to our motorcycles.

>
> Dot looked over at Carrie, frowning in suspition.

JOEL: [ As Dot ] I don't think she's eight-bit.

> "So she
> says she a user," she said to Bob, who shrugged and nodded. "How do
> we know if she's telling the truth?" She asked him.

JOEL: Hold a survey on your web site?

> "I'm not sure,"
> Bob said, "she seemed to know alot about us,

CROW: She knows stuff we don't know about ourselves.

> maybe she knows things
> only the user could know?"

TOM: How would Dot know what those things are?

> Dot mulled that over for a nano, then
> smiled slightly. "Why don't we ask her and find out."

CROW: [ As Dot ] Carrie, how would you ask us who you are?

> she said slyly,
> and they both turned to look at Carrie.

TOM: You ask her. I'm bitter.

>
> When Carrie was at home, she always wore a necklace that her
> mother had given to her that bore her nickname, also given to her by
> her mother.

CROW: It's a very personal thing that hasn't been mentioned until now.
JOEL: I bet it'll give us a touching insight into her character.

> The name 'Mouse'.

ALL: Ooooh.

> When she had been pulled into
> Mainframe, it had been reformatted

CROW: How much of its space was free now?

> into an almost choker style band
> with a gold charm bearing the same inscription.

JOEL: [ Reading ] Over hill, over dale, Carrie Mouse will never fail.

> Enzo's eagle eyes had
> spotted it,

[ TOM screeches, like an eagle ]

> and he immeadiately began to ask her about it. "How come
> it says 'Mouse'?

CROW: It's so she doesn't forget her favorite rodent.

> Do you know her? Are you her sister or cousin or
> something?

JOEL: Are you her twin from the future of the mirror universe?

> Are you really her in disguise?"

TOM: To look like human guys?

>
> Carrie reached up and touched the charm.

JOEL: [ Giggling, ticklish ]

> The thought of her
> mother suddenly made her very homesick,

TOM: The first week at college is the hardest.

> and her eyes began to burn
> with tears. She closed her eyes, holding back the tears that wanted
> to escape.

CROW: She shouldn't do that, she'll pop!
TOM: Remember what Paul Frees taught us. The white Mouse
will not explode.

> She thought about home and her family, about how she may
> never see them again,

JOEL: She remembers her last words to Mom were, "Don't worry,
I won't get pulled into the computer and into a TV show" ...

> and finally the tears began to escape. Covering
> her face with her hands, Carrie fought for control.

CROW: Must... fulfill... prime directive...

> She didn't want
> to worry Enzo. As she began to regain control,

TOM: Damage control ... all systems non-responsive ... whirrr
whirrrrrrrr ... beedooop.

> she felt a hand on her
> shoulder and looked up into Bob's worried eyes. "Are you alright?" he
> asked. Carrie smiled through the last of her tears.

TOM: [ As Carrie ] You know when's the last time I had a good cry?
JOEL: [ As Bob ] No... when?
TOM: [ As Carrie ] This morning.

> "Yeah," she
> whispered, "I was just thinking of home and my family.

CROW: And whether I left the VCR set.

> I really miss
> them, and I want to go home."

TOM: I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

> Dot came up beside her, "I'm sure we
> can try and get you home," she said,

JOEL: Can she be sent parcel post?

> "But we need to ask you some
> questions first." Carrie looked at her, puzzled. "Questions?" she
> asked, "About what?"

CROW: The quadratic formula.

> Dot looked at her, and then decided to just tell
> her. "I just need proof that you're really a user, so I want to know
> everything you know about us.

JOEL: Because ... Dot knows how to send users home?

> Let's go to the Diner."

ALL: [ Singing ] Let's all go to the diner ...
let's all go to the diner ...
let's all go to the diner ...
and have ourselves a snack!

>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>
> Part Thirteen

CROW: Hey, that was only eleven dots. This can't be part thirteen.

>
> The four of them sat together in the booth at Dot's Diner.

TOM: [ Singing the 'Seinfeld' lick ] Beeow de dow dee dow

> Carrie's little emotional episode had worried Bob, so he insisted on
> sitting beside her, much to Dot's chagrin.

CROW: Bob's got to sit either next to or across from her.
Choose your poison.

> Carrie sat silently,
> staring at her folded hands

JOEL: Digital digits.

> on the table in front of her. Dot cleared
> her throat gently.

TOM: Uh, one of us has to order.

> "Carrie," she said, "We need you to tell us what
> you know about us."

JOEL: Use both sides of the paper if necessary.

> Carrie looked up, confused. "Why?" she
> whispered. Dot sighed quietly. "It's the only way I know of finding
> proof that you're a User."

CROW: Didn't we just come from this scene?

> Carrie looked over at Bob, who flashed his
> killer smile,

JOEL: Aaah! Your smile -- it's ... poi ... son ...
CROW: You did that already.

> and told her it was okay.

ALL: It's OK.

>
> Carrie swallowed hard. This was exactly what she had wanted
> to avoid.

CROW: She's got odd streaks of shyness.

> She didn't want to reveal all her knowledge of Mainframe
> because she didn't want to be looked upon as someone who encroached
> upon their privacy.

TOM: Oh, yeah, I can see how ... huh?

> *Still,* she thought, *if it means getting home,
> I'll tell them everything.*

JOEL: Begin with a comprehensive report about riboflavin.

> So taking a deep breath, Carrie began to
> tell them what she knew.
>
> Before she could really start, she was interrupted by a
> beeping.

CROW: Uh-oh. The plot's getting in the way.

> Bob looked down at Glitch, then allowed the message through.

TOM: It's from Star Fleet Command. It seems we have 139 star dates
to kill the 26 invading Klingons before full-scale war breaks
out. There are six star bases in our sector.

> The cube-shaped face of a one binome looked up from the circular
> viewscreen.

JOEL: For extra credit, see how many ways you can rearrange the words
in that sentence and have it still make equal sense.

> He wore the distinct green helmet with visor of the
> CPU's, alerting Carrie to the fact that this was important. "Excuse
> me, sir." the binome saluted,

JOEL: Hail Caesar.

> "Sorry to bother you,

TOM: But WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
ALL: [ Screaming ]

> but we've just
> recieved reports of a roaming tear left by the last game."

CROW: It's making us look less manly.

> Bob
> nodded. "I'll be over in a nano."

TOM: Nano ... Visitor?

> he said, getting to his feet.
> "Where's it located?" he asked.

JOEL: It's a direct portal from FFD8 to Ontario.
It may be plot-related.

> The binome looked down at the
> organizer he held, then returned Bob's gaze. "That's the problem,
> sir."

CROW: It doesn't exist. Look, we were lonely, okay?

> he reported, "It's located near Silicon Tor."
>

TOM: Time for go to net!
JOEL: That's the new district. The ancient one is Germanium Tor.

> "Silicon Tor?!" Enzo said, "Dude! Can I come? Can I, can I?
> Huh?"

CROW: Enzo's this close to getting his mouth module deactivated.

> Dot shushed him. "No, Enzo." she said, "Bob can do this
> alone."

TOM: No sense us risking *our* necks.

> Bob looked over at her as Glitch closed, ending the
> transmission. "No, not alone." Carrie interrupted,

JOEL: There is one other.

> and all three
> whirled to face her. "I know about tears." she said,

CROW: I've been holding them back for years ... but I really love them!

> "And that little
> ball of energy could be my ticket home."

JOEL: Enzo?

> She slid out of the booth,
> and stood in front of Bob. "I'm going with you."

TOM: [ As Bob ] I wasn't going.

> she told him,
> determindly. "Besides, I've always wanted to see the Tor."

CROW: His one-man show is to die for.

>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>
> Part Fourteen
>

JOEL: See, and that's just thirteen dots, for chapter fourteen.
CROW: That's eleven dots.
JOEL: No, that was ... wait ...

> The structure they approached was stunning yet foreboding at
> the same time.

TOM: Sounds like the Registrar's office.

> Carrie knew this place well, and her knowledge of
> it made her nervous and apprehensive. As they crossed the border,
> Carrie's throat constricted.

CROW: Oh no! The "Mouse" bracelet is taking over!

> *Silicon Tor,*

JOEL: Younger brother of Gigan Tor.
TOM: Next-door neighbor to Phosphorus Tor.

> she thought, *The home of
> Megabyte.*

JOEL: All our servings come in three sizes, bit, byte, and megabyte.

> A shiver went through her as she thought of the things
> Megabyte would do to them if her caught them in his territory.

CROW: He might force them to watch his vacation slides.

> *I
> wonder if he can infect sprites?* she thought,

TOM: Sprite, Dr Pepper, Pepsi Twist...

> then turned away from
> such thoughts. It wouldn't help to be negative now.

CROW: No negatives? Are you positive?
JOEL: Neither. She's a Carrie bit.

>
> Carrie looked over at Bob. He was intently studying the map
> Glitch was displaying.

CROW: You Are Here ... Ah, there's the Mos Burger ... Walden's ...
Pet Safari ... ah, pathway into other reality, right next
to the As Seen On TV store.

> he stood Glitch down, then turned to Carrie.
> "It's just ahead."

TOM: It's the big tear-shaped thing.

> he whispered, then moved forward, turning into an
> alley.

JOEL: I can't get enough of that "morph" trick.

> Carrie followed behind him. When she turned the corner, her
> eyes were bombarded by a bright light.

TOM: And long-lost relatives standing nearby...

> Shading her eyes, she took in
> a sight she was strangely happy to see.

CROW: It looks just like a puppy dog!

> The tear was now stationary
> and was as stable as a tear could really be.

TOM: And it will lead them back to the Alpha quadrant!

> It was impressive to see
> this form of energy up close for the first time.

CROW: Boy, it's like we're right here.

>
> "Glitch," Bob said, "Key direct portal to energy transport
> beam in the Chalo Omega system."

JOEL: Chalo Omega ... didn't he rule the Autobots before Optimus Prime?

> He aimed Glitch at the tear and it
> flew out. As it approached it, the tear transformed into a silvery
> sphere with Glitch attatched to the front.

TOM: [ As Glitch ] Yeee--aaaaaahhhh -- JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!

> On the other side, seen
> through Glitch was an orange beam of energy.

JOEL: They've tapped into the Orange Julius dimension!

> Bob looked over at
> Carrie. "This is the only place we could find that could bring you
> home."

TOM: You *do* live in a pumpkin, right?

> he told her. "Phong says that the computer attatched to the end
> of this beam should be yours."

CROW: It *should* be, but it's too danged lazy.

>
> Carrie smiled. "Thank you." she said, "For everything."

JOEL: And, hey ... call sometime, OK?

> Bob
> returned her smile, and offered her his hand. She took it gently,
> expecting to recieve a warm handshake.

CROW: You suppose if she downloaded some MP3's right now then
when she gets back she'll never get them out of her head?

> Instead, she suddenly found
> herself in Bob's arms.

JOEL: She was shrinking, and kind of liked it.

> She stiffly wrapped her arms around him,
> returning his friendly embrace.

TOM: He's showing a lot of affection for not knowing who she is.

> Stepping back, he placed his hands on
> her shoulders. "Good luck." he whispered, his eyes shining.

CROW: Will she stay blue and digital when she gets back to Canada?

> "Don't
> worry," Carrie said, "I'll visit the next time my computer decides to
> swallow me whole."

TOM: Isn't there a bandwidth issue in computers swallowing people?

> Bob smiled. "Well," he said, "I guess this is
> goodbye."

JOEL: I bet there's a surprise coming right up.

>
> "Oh, not just yet."

CROW: You haven't filled out your complimentary survey card.

> A deep, velvet voice intoned behind them.

TOM: They're being attacked by melTorme.com!

> "I haven't been introduced to your friend, Guardian."

JOEL: Or your rival, Watsons.

>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>

CROW: See? It's eleven dots.
JOEL: It's a tough market for dots this year.

> Part Fifteen
>
> Before she could react to what was happenng,

CROW: We took a break for a word from these sponsors.

> Carrie found
> herself being lifted off the ground by a grip of steel.

TOM: That's *buns* of steel, thank you.
JOEL: Ew.

> She tried to
> scream,

CROW: That's your standard response.

> but a large viral hand clamped over her mouth and spun her
> around.

TOM: Being twirled by salmonella ... that's no responsible way to live.

> Carrie looked up to find herself staring into the mesmerising
> red on green

CROW: Ho ho ho!

> eyes of Megabyte.

JOEL: [ As Megabyte ] Oh, I'm not *that* Mega ... you're too kind.

> "Really, Bob." Megabyte rumbled,

TOM: Bill Daly cracks down.

> "How
> rude." Carrie grabbed Megabyte's arm and pulled at it futally.

CROW: [ As Carrie ] I hope I wasn't out of line with
that crack about the gorillas.

> All
> he did was laugh, amused by her terror.

JOEL: Megabyte needs more hobbies.

>
> "Let her go, Megabyte!" Bob shouted, aiming Glitch at him.
> Megabyte looked at him. "No, I don't think so." he said.

TOM: They have the same fight every *week*. The marriage counselor
is this close to giving up.

> "Now, you
> do as I ask,

JOEL: Not as I do.

> or your friend suffers an early erasure."

CROW: That's a threat we haven't heard before.

> He turned
> Carrie around so she was facing Bob,

TOM: He's aiming her for Dish TV.

> then held his free hand above her
> threateningly.

CROW: Big bucks ... no whammies ...

> As his hand began to descend towards Carrie, Bob
> lowered his arm.

CROW: STOP!

> "Alright!" he said, "What do you want?" Megabyte
> chuckled richly. "Oh, it's very minor."

JOEL: Forty-niner.
[ CROW looks at JOEL. ]

> he drawled, "I want what
> every virus wants from a Guardian, your keytool." Carrie's eyes
> widened in fear.

TOM: See, that would've been my third guess.

> *No!* she thought, *Don't give it to him!*

CROW: Spit on it first, then he'll be too grossed out to take it.

> She
> started struggling and kicking,

TOM: [ As Curly ] Whum - WHUM wulluwullwull.

> trying to break free, or at least
> distract Megabyte long enough for Bob to get them out of there.

JOEL: Hey, look, a big distracting thing!

>
> As it turned out, she didn't need to.

TOM: Megabyte suddenly remembered a big dental appointment.

> Suddenly, a large bolt
> of bright red energy slammed into Megabyte's chest.

JOEL: A tip for young writers: Story stalled out?
Get it going again with a random explosion.

> It threw him off
> balance long enough for a fast moving figure to get in front of him.

CROW: Speedy Gonzales, hooray!

> With a sudden swipe of a long, pale green blade protruding from it's
> hand,

TOM: Oh, this better not be Wesley Snipes.

> the figure pushed Megabyte through the portal.
>
> Megabyte let go of Carrie's mouth, but succeded in grabbing
> her arm.

CROW: Pop!

> With a scream of terror, Carrie reached out to Bob as she
> was pulled in after Megabyte.

TOM: Hey, isn't this the cliffhanger from "Beast Wars"?

> "Nooo!" Bob shouted. Then he whirled
> to face the figure. "Look what you've done!"

JOEL: And all over the floor!

> he yelled. The figure
> moved suddenly

CROW: And a pirate ship appeared over the horizon.

> and Bob found himself suspended against the wall with
> the end of a large blade against his throat.

TOM: [ Sheepishly ] "I didn't mean you *personally*"...

> "Look, Guardian," the
> figure breathed, "I just saved you from deletion.

JOEL: So hurry up and get to making that CD-ROM backup of yourself.

> Don't force me do
> it myself." Bob looked down at this person.

CROW: You shouldn't be looking down at people.

> He was wearing a grey
> outfit with gold trim and gloves. He had pale green skin with blue
> triangular markings.

TOM: So a Retlaw plant joined the Superfriends?

> His hair was white with two blue and red
> streaks, but the most stunning part about him was his face.

JOEL: Mister Potato-Head?

> His
> features were feline with black on red eyes.

TOM: Bennie the Ball -- Cybercop!

> He had the same
> triangular markings on his cheeks.

CROW: His cheeks are not to be stood on.

> "I didn't have to save you, now
> did I?"

JOEL: No, but it's wise to save a little extra Bob
in case of a rainy day.

> As he spoke, Bob noticed large fangs and pointed teeth.

TOM: Vampires!

> Only
> one kind of creature looked like that, a feline virus.

CROW: Kitty!
TOM: So ThunderCat Cheetara became a Microsoft Word macro?

>
> "Where did you come from?" Bob asked.

JOEL: Nowhere particular.
CROW: Man, I wish I was you.

> The virus dropped him.
> "That is not important." he said.

TOM: What is important is can't you see what I'm trying
to tell you, I *love* you?

> "Your friend is." Turning, he
> headed toward the shadows, retracting his blades into his wrists.

JOEL: [ Yelping in pain ] Gee-yow! That *hurts*! What was I *think*ing?

> "Wait!" Bob said, "What's your name?" he asked.

TOM: If he's Batman I'm gonna slap this story so hard --
CROW: Catman.

> The figure paused
> long enough to glance over his shoulder. "Symble."

TOM: I think it's pretty complex.

> He said, then
> vanished into the shadows.

CROW: And *that's* my only line.

>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>

JOEL: Holding at eleven spots before liftoff.

> Part Sixteen
>
> As Carrie came to, she struggled to remember what had
> happened.

TOM: It's kind of that way for us, too.

> She looked up to find her computer running and her chair
> tipped over on its side.

CROW: It must have been a very small, localized earthquake...

> *Now I remember!* She thought, standing up.

JOEL: It was stuffing *instead* of potatoes!

> *Was it only a dream?* She picked up the chair, then noticed that
> the top was scratched.

CROW: It must've itched something terrible.

> As she inspected the gouges, her throat
> tightened. Only one thing could account for marks like that.

JOEL: She's got a cat!

> She
> turned slowly, hoping against hope that she wouldn't find him there.
> She gasped and stepped back when she saw him. He had changed.

CROW: He was trying to make himself good enough for her.

> He was
> dressed elegantly, in an expensive looking Armani style suit.

TOM: Withholding antecedents doesn't make the story more dramatic!

> His
> hair was like fire,

JOEL: And vice-versa.

> but his skin was pale.

CROW: Oh, yeah, computer science guys.

> He was powerfully built as
> he had been as a virus,

TOM: Only now he wasn't that scared of Norton Disk Doctor.

> and his face looked like the envy of every
> male model. He had the classic GQ gentlemanly look,

CROW: This is not to suggest every man wearing an Armani suit is evil.
TOM: But they are.

> yet he still had
> a look of power and greed to him.

JOEL: President Chuck Woolery!

> Even unconcious, Carrie recognized
> him immediately.

CROW: I thought she woke up?

> *So, * she thought, *that's what Megabyte looks like
> as a human.*

TOM: I wonder what other humanoid bodies he might have turned into.

> She had often wondered that, but now, she would rather
> not have had to find out.

CROW: If her parents walk in this is going to be *so* weird to explain.

>
> Suddenly, her computer began beeping strangely.

JOEL: Is that you, Valentina darling?

> She turned,
> and then she was struck by something. She fell, with a limp body
> sprawled across her.

TOM: I hope telemarketers never figure out this trick.

> She pushed out from under it, and gasped as she
> saw the face. "Oh my God!" she whispered. It was Bob. He had
> followed her through the portal.

CROW: You've got male!

> He was dressed in blue jeans, a grey
> T-shirt and had a jean shirt over top. His hair had become light
> brown shoulder length dreads and his skin was a deep tan.

JOEL: He's in the real world and he can still fit in the
Commodore 64 color set.

> "Bob!"
> Carrie said. "Wake up!" she shook him gently. "Please, wake up!"

CROW: Oh, now he's just being difficult.

>
> He stirred, and Carrie smiled.

JOEL: Someday he'll be able to mix his own hot cocoa.

> Bob sat up, holding his head in his
> hands. "Oh, man." he moaned.

TOM: He looks around and discovers *he's* been pulled into
the world of *his* favorite cartoon.

>
> Carrie got up and helped him to his feet. "Thank goodness
> you're alright!" Carrie said. Bob looked up at her and smiled.

CROW: [ As Bob ] Actually, half of me is --
TOM: [ Sternly ] No.

> "Nothing can bring a Guardian down."

JOEL: That's why he's so bad in escalators.

> He said, then winced in pain.

TOM: Aw, he's going to Shatner all over the place.

> "Oh, brother," he said, "Does my head ever hurt!" Carrie giggled,
> then turned and stiffened. "We've got a problem."

CROW: I hope it's not a word problem.
TOM: Yeah, that stupid dancing paperclip is back.

> She told Bob. Bob
> looked at her, puzzled. "What?" He asked.

TOM: There's like eight thousand words to go and the only thing
going on is some flirting.

> Carrie pointed at the
> floor beside them. "What? There's nothing there." Bob said. Carrie
> nodded.

CROW: Those two trains left Chicago!

> "Exactly." she whispered, "Megabyte's gone!"

TOM: So he regained consciousnessness, figured out where he was,
planned what to do, and snuck out under cover of day,
all in about sixteen seconds.

>
> * * * * * * * *
> * * *
>

JOEL: [ Singing ] Well, she was ...

> Part Seventeen

JOEL: [ Continuing ] -- you know what I mean --

>
> Megabyte stood silently, surveying the land that spread before
> him.

TOM: Most people don't know this, but Megabyte's a top geologist.

> He had never seen anything like this. *Quite strange.*

CROW: Megabyte tries to comprehend an Eckart.

> he
> thought, as he inspected the horizon. Carrie's hometown of Hanmer

JOEL: Hanmer -- where fans of Han Solo and Ariel really hit it off!

> was
> a small place, dominated by empty feilds, even though she lived in
> what was considered the heart of the town, closest to the small
> shopping mall.

TOM: It's not so much a town as it is the setting *for* a town.

> Even from here, Megabyte could hear people and
> laughter. Turning, he headed toward the source of the noises.
>

CROW: That's a pretty loud mall.
TOM: Both of Canada's rowdy guys are there today.

> Carrie and Bob raced upstairs. "MOM!?!" Carrie shouted,

JOEL: Wait, that's not his name, it was ...

> "DAD!?!

JOEL: Yeah, that's it ... or, wait, was it ...

> Anybody!?!"

JOEL: They'll have to answer me now!

> She ran into the kitchen

JOEL: Oh, no sense waiting.

> to find a note on the
> table.

CROW: Dear Carrie: Saw you drawn into computer,
couldn't pass up chance, goodbye forever -- hey, wait!

> *Dear Mouse, we decided to out to dinner, and when we couldn't
> find you, we figured you'd gone to see Bob.

TOM: But you don't know anyone named Bob, so we worried about you.
We hope it's just a phase.

> We'll be back by nine
> o'clock. There's leftover pizza in the fridge for you. Love Mom.*
> Carrie sighed. "Thank goodness!" she said.

CROW: She's at that awkward age where she needs her parents,
but is embarassed to be in the same fan fiction with them.

> She looked at Bob, and he
> gave her a puzzled look. "How did they know you'd end up in
> Mainframe?" Carrie giggled.

TOM: It was a lucky guess.

> "Not you, silly!" she said, "My best
> friend!

JOEL: Bob Bobbobbobovich.

> His name is Robert T. Gardien,

TOM: Famed for Crockett's Victory Gardien.

> but everybody calls him Bob!"

CROW: I wonder what the 'T' stands for.

> Bob smiled "Bob T. _Gardien_?" he said, "And I just happen to be Bob
> the _Gaurdian_? No coincedence, right?"

TOM: Heh heh heh heh heh ... I don't get it.

> Carrie blushed. "If you're
> ego gets any bigger," she teased, "you won't fit in my house!"

JOEL: How's he going to fit back in her computer?

> Then
> she grabbed his hand. "Come on!" she said, "We still have to find
> Megabyte!!"

TOM: He's in the living room watching "The Raccoons."

>
> Before she left, she turned to the fridge. "Oh, just a sec."

JOEL: She needs to leave it a few instructions before she goes.
[ As Carrie ] Ahem. Stay cool. There, that'll do.

> she said, tugging the door open. "I'm hungry."

CROW: Forget saving the world! I want a Tim Horton's doughnut!

> She pulled out a pizza
> box with the Pizza Hut symbol emblazened on it.

JOEL: Hey, product placement.
TOM: On second thought, let's try starving to death.

> She put it on the
> table and opened it. "Yumm!" she said, "Full toppings! My fave!!"

JOEL: Toppings'll make us sleepy.

> She pulled out a peice and took an enormous bite out of it. As she
> chewed enthusiastically, Bob looked down at the contents of the box.

CROW: That's ... not ... pepperoni.

> "What's that?" he asked. Carrie started to choke, swallowed hard,
> then started to laugh.

TOM: It's funny 'cause it's pizza.

> "You don't know what a pizza is?" She asked
> him, surprised. "No." Bob said.

CROW: Think of it as a "Burger Time" gone horribly wrong.

> "Remember, you never had an energy
> shake, either."

JOEL: Shouldn't she be eating Canadian 2-for-1 Pizza instead?

> Carrie blushed again. Then she offered her peice to
> him. "Wanna try some?" she asked.

TOM: How can a computer guy not live on pizza and Mountain Dew?
JOEL: He eats a lot of Thai.

> Bob took it gingerly, then, took a
> bite the same way Carrie had. She smiled as Bob closed his eyes in
> pleasure.

CROW: The warm and tender moment is interrupted only briefly
by the screams of Megabyte's victims.

> When he had swallowed it, he opened his eyes and looked
> into hers. "That's delicious!!" He said, and Carrie giggled. "I knew
> you'd like it!" She said. She grabbed another peice, "Let's go."

JOEL: And, hey -- let's be careful out there.

>
> As they entered her backyard, they could hear noises coming
> from the area of the mall. "Oh no!!" Carrie shouted,

TOM: Augustus has fallen into the gloop!

> "He must have
> gone over there! It's the Carnival this weekend!!"

CROW: They're just celebrating the idea of malls.

> She turned to
> Bob. "There's got to be tons of kids over there!!"

JOEL: Cumulatively, anyway, sure.

> Bob put his hands
> on his hips, and looked over at the mall.

TOM: I'm Hans Christian Anderson!

> He could see the midway
> rides and could hear the people laughing and shouting.

CROW: It's terrible! They're celebrating Marlboro Day!
And it's not Marlboro!

> "Glitch," he
> said, raising his left arm, only to find nothing there. "Glitch!?!"

JOEL: Uh, more like minor blooper, thanks.

> Carrie turned to find Bob looking at her, worry etched into his face.
> "Where's Glitch?" He said. Carrie looked at the empty spot above his
> left wrist.

CROW: Shouldn't there be a hand there?

> "I don't know." She said. "Wait! What's in your pocket?"

TOM: Twenty-two cents, an unidentified key and three pieces of string.

> Bob reached into his pocket, and pulled out what looked like a tiny
> computer.

CROW: Awww...
TOM: Oh, it's so cute at that age!
CROW: Bet it wants its mommy.

> It was grey and black with the word 'Glitch' inscribed on
> it in metallic blue. "Glitch?" Bob asked, and the little computer
> beeped almost cheerfully.

JOEL: I hope we get to see it grow up into an Artoo droid.

> "Well," Carrie said, "Now I know what
> Glitch looks like in my world, too."

TOM: Yup.
CROW: Sure do.
TOM: There's no gainsaying the obvious.

> Bob smiled, and put Glitch back
> in his pocket. "O.K.," he said, taking Carrie's hand, much to her
> delight. "Let's go!" and they headed towards the mall.

JOEL: [ Picking up TOM ] Oh, let's just go to Borders instead.

[ TOM, JOEL, and CROW exit. ]

[ COMMERCIAL BREAK ]