MSTed: Power Rangers: The New Arrival & The Last, Best Hope (1/4)

[rowark]

This is a MSTing of two Power Rangers stories written by Turbo Ranger
Prime.
Since the first story isn't that long, I used it as a short, with the
second
fanfic as the main attraction. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and related
characters and locales a re property of Best Brains, International.

(Season 8 Theme)
(Door Sequence)
(Bridge: Satellite of Love)
(Mike and the Bots are playing with Playmates Star Trek Figures, mainly
Next
Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager. They have set up playsets and
vehicles, and are using some Classic Trek monsters and other non-regular
characters.)
MIKE: (as Picard) Captain's Log, stardate 9021.0. We are currently docked
at
Deep Space Nine, investigating a series of bizarre appearances occurring on
the station.
SERVO: (as Data) Captain, if I am not mistaken, the creature carrying Major
Kira is called a Mugatu, while the creature chasing Lt Commander Dax is...
CROW: (as Worf) Is about to meet his creator.
(CROW makes various Klingon noises)
MIKE: Hi, today, we're hypothesizing on what the crews of the
Enterprise-D/E, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager would do if confronted with
creatures who attacked the original Enterprise.
GYPSY: (as Dax) My hero.
MIKE: (holding a Trelayne figure) Ha, silly Mortals.
SERVO: (Holding a Judge Q figure) Watch this, Trelayne, you amateur.
(SERVO has MIKE put all Classic Trek Aliens into the Transporter playset.
MIKE works the controls and makes the disappear.)
SERVO: You see, Q is supreme.
CROW: (Holding a painted Chekov figure) You are all under arrest in the
name
of the Psi-Corps.
MIKE: Wrong Show.
SERVO: (holding a Tuvok) Now, Lucas, I'll show you how I hacked into the
World Bank and crashed the economy of Russia.
(Commercial Sign light flashes)
MIKE: No, that's from a bad SeaQuest episode. (To Cambot) We'll be right
back.
(MST3K Logo)
(Block of commercials for Extra Sensory Summer, then five different psychic
hotline ads)
(Bridge)
SERVO: (holding Troi and Dax) He's mine, no Mine.
CROW: (Holding K'eylahr(sp)) Actually he's mine.
MIKE: Crow, she's been dead since season 4.
(Pearl's light flashes)
MIKE: Forget about it, the Gamesters of Triskelion are calling.
(Pearl's Ship)
PEARL: Having trouble with that mixed up Star Trek continuity, boys?
(SOL)
MIKE: No, but hey, it could be worse.
SERVO: Yeah, we could be playing with X-Men figures, now there's continuity
problems for you.
(Pearl's ship)
PEARL: Well, I'm giving you a double dose of mixed up continuity. Tell
them,
Bobo.
BOBO: Yes, Lawgiver. Well, gentlemen, my research I discovered that the
Lawgiver's deceased son occasionally gave you a movie with a short film
in front of it. That is the same principle used for today's
experiment.
Observer? OBSERVER: Yes, we have taken two stories by Power Rangers Fanfic
writer Turbo Ranger Prime...
(SOL)
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(Pearl's ship)
OBSERVER: ... and put them together into one large mega-dose, guaranteed to
test your resolve.
(SOL)
SERVO: Remember the last story we had from this guy?
CROW: Yeah, all those Kat the Hooker/Bob the Drunk jokes.
(MOVIE SIGN)
ALL: Oh no, we've got fanfic sign!!
(Door Sequence)
(Mike and Bots enter theater)

>Power Rangers(featuring the Crowmeowme Bros)

SERVO:Crowmeowme Bros Bulk and Skull Circus of the Losers.

>in

CROW:A shallow grave on a deserted island.

>The New Arrival

MIKE:Starring Charlie Sheen

>
>Disclaimer: All Characters with the exception of the

ALL:Us!

> Crowmeowme males
>are

SERVO:Stuck on a bad TV Show.
CROW:On Fox.
MIKE:No need to take it that far, we don't want to insult Rupert Murdoch.

>property of Saban. The Crowmeowme males are

CROW:Victims of Chernobyl

> my exclusive creations.
>This

SERVO:(as James Earl Jones)Is CNN

>work may not

CROW: (as Yoda) This, work may not. If that is case, to store, return it, a
full refund you will receive.

> be posted elsewhere in this or an altered from without my
>knowledge.
>
> It was late on the afternoon of June 14, 1997

MIKE: (as Jack Webb) The weather was cool for this time of year in Los
Angeles. I work here. I carry a badge.

> at the Crowmeowme
>estate

SERVO: Stately Wayne Manor.

>in Angel Grove. Brian, Kimberly, and little Willy were

CROW: Sponging off of Bob and Kat.

> visiting for
>the month, since tomorrow was

MIKE: (as Scarlet O'Hara) Another day.

> Bob and Kat's first anniversary, while Brian
>and Kim's

CROW: Divorce proceedings were continuing.

> third was coming up on Wednesday. Besides, Brian was taking his

MIKE: Annual trip to Las Vegas, where he would bet all his money on 00

>family and any former teammates who were

SERVO: Suckers for anything they didn't have to pay for.

> in town to the movies three times
>over the next three or four weeks. The rather large group included

CROW: The entire cast of Cats, Phantom, and Evita combined.

> all members
>of the Crowmeowme family, plus Tanya, Tommy,

ALL: (singing) Tommy can you hear me?

> Adam, Justin, Rocky,

SERVO: Yo, Adrian!

> and
>Jason, had seen "The Lost World" the day after

MIKE: Russia dropped the bomb.

> Brian, Kim and Willy arrived.
>This Saturday, Brian would take the same group to see "Batman and
>Robin."

CROW:They must be the only ones who saw it.

>At this moment, however, that assembled group was in the manor's

MIKE: Kitchen, playing a life-size game of Clue.

> tv room
>watching a replay of

SERVO: The Tyson-Holyfield ear biting incident.

> the MTV movie awards. Alicia Silverstone had just

CROW: Wondered why she actually signed to do Batman and Robin?
MIKE: (falsetto) Batgirl? As if!

> presented
>the best comedic performance award to

CROW: The writer of this story.

> Jim Carrey. All assembled loved Jim
>Carrey, especially

MIKE: Young Justin, who desperately wanted to learn to talk with his
backside.

> Brian and Bob. When Jim Carrey kissed Alicia
>Silverstone, hyper-intelligent Willy commented,

SERVO: If I'm so hyper-intelligent, why am I watching MTV?

> "Whoa, The Riddler's kissing
>Batgirl." Willy was the most

CROW:Idiotic of all assembled, more so than Justin,
MIKE: And that's saying something.

> eager to see "Batman and Robin" as he was

SERVO: A major fan of Uma Thurman. He'd seen The Truth About Cats and Dogs
ten times.

> just
>three months old when "Batman Forever" was released. The assembled
>throng roared with laughter at

CROW:Themselves for being Power Rangers.

> Mr. Carrey's

MIKE: Performance in Liar,Liar.
SERVO: Sure as hell wasn't his performance in The Cable Guy.

> acceptance speech when

SERVO:Rocky slugged Justin in order to be a Power Ranger once again.

> Kat's water
>broke.

MIKE: Somebody, get a mop.

>
> Kat had been

SERVO:Flat on her back with Bob in another part of the mansion, doing what
couples married about a year do.

> due two days earlier, but

CROW: Justin shot the Stork with a slingshot.

> nothing happened. And now,
>it was time.

MIKE: Morphin Time?
CROW: Howdy Doody Time?
SERVO: No, it's Vader time.

> Simon,

SERVO: Oh, I love playing that game.
MIKE: (as Simon from Saturday Night Live) Would you like to see my
drawings?
CROW: (also as Simon) Are you looking at my bum? Bum looker.

> the butler, brought in a large blanket which was
>spread on the floor.

SERVO: Just like Bob did to Kat nine months before.

> As was the tradition of their race, Bob would
>deliver his child himself, with Kim

MIKE: Telling Kat just how painful this would be.

> assisting as a mid-wife. Brian
>retrieved a ceremonial knife, which

CROW: Would be used to sacrifice Justin to the Great God Saban.

> the brothers' brought with them
>from

MIKE: Ponderosa Steak House

>their homeworld. This knife would be used to

SERVO: Circumcise Justin.
MIKE: Ouch.

> cut the umbilical cord.
>Soon, Kat was fully

CROW: Inebriated, to numb herself during the painful process.

> dilated and Bob told her to

MIKE: Get ready to work on another one as soon as this bun's out of the
oven.

> push. Soon the first

ALL: (singing) Day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a baby whose
father
wasn't me.

>bit
>of head emerged, slowly, with each push, more of the

CROW: Male Rangers tried to get a look at Kat's privates.
MIKE: Do you remember the last time we read this guy's work and you made
jokes like that?

> head was

SERVO: Severed from the body.

>revealed.
>By the time Tom Cruise won the

MIKE: Rosie O'Donnell Man of the Year Award for the tenth straight year.

> Best Male performance award, Bob was
>holding his

SERVO: Pistol to his head.

> newborn son in his arms. Bob went to a nearby humidor and
>handed a

CROW:Piranha to Justin

> Cohiba Churchill to his brother. Only the

MIKE: Most expensive cancer causing agents would do.

> best to celebrate
>the

ALL: (singing)End of the world as we know it.

>birth of his son. He did

CROW: (as Tweety) He did taw a puddy tat.

> not hand any to the other males present
>because

SERVO: They aren't worth thirty bucks a stogie.

>he did not wish to have

MIKE: Justin anywhere near Kat, since puberty had just hit.

> them smoke, possibly damaging their human
>lungs.
>
> A surprise soon arrived at the mansion door.

SERVO: Door-to-door militia, bombing every mansion they can find.

> Kat's parents had
>flown in from Australia,

ALL: And boy, are their arms tired.

> taking time out of

MIKE: Time out called with...
(Servo looks at a percentage counter that appears on the screen. It says
20%)
SERVO: Way too much left in the game.

> caring for Aunt Bess to celebrate
>their daughter's first

CROW: Orgammmm.
(Mike holds Crow's beak shut)
MIKE: That's two, mister.

> wedding anniversary and the birth of

SERVO: A Nation, directed by D.W. Griffith.

> their
>first
>grandchild. Kat's mother held her

CROW: Daughter by the ear, dragging her all the way to the Outback.

> darling grandson in her arms, and
>remembered the day Kat

SERVO: Fell off the top of the Sydney Opera House and broke the Great
Barrier Reef.

> was born. The hard part for Bob and Kat was yet
>to
>come,

MIKE: Finding one room out of nearly one-hundred to make into a nursery.

> choosing a name.
>
> While sleeping that night, Bob had a dream.

SERVO: Oh, so he's Martin Luther Crowmeowme, Jr now?

> He dreamed about the
>episode of "The Dick van Dyke Show" where

CROW: Laura got her big toe stuck in the bath tub faucet.
MIKE: Oh yeah, I love that one.

> Rob and Laura told Richie
>about his middle name, Rosebud, and how

SERVO: He was named after Orson Welles' sled.

> it was an anagram. Then the
>vision

CROW and SERVO: Yeah, go Vision.
MIKE: What are you two talking about?
SERVO: The Vision is a member of the Marvel Comics super team The Avengers.
CROW: Yeah, and for a time he was married to the Scarlet Witch.
SERVO: Every robot dreams of being married to a human babe like that.
MIKE: Oh, that Vision.

>changed to

MIKE: A boring, off-white android who isn't married to the Scarlet Witch.
SERVO: There you go, Mike.

> Zordon and Alpha 5. In the morning, Bob realized

SERVO: That when he cut the umbillical cord, he slipped and cut something
else off, thus his son is now his daughter.

> what this
>meant.

CROW: Eat more walnuts.
MIKE: Wrong episode, Crow.

>After exchanging anniversary presents, Bob told Kat about

SERVO: How before a trip to Sweden, he was Roberta.

> his dream.
>They
>decided on the first name Alfred,

CROW: Since they needed a new butler, one who could keep secrets.

> as it was the closest name to Alpha
>they
>could get without

SERVO: Actually calling him Alpha.

> arousing suspicion. As for little Alfred's middle

CROW: Finger, which he waved at Justin only moments after birth.
MIKE: We'll call that two and a half, Crow.

>name,
>unofficially it would be Zordon, which would only be used in

SERVO: Secret communications with the Guild.

> the
>company of

MIKE: Strangers.

>Rangers, past or present. On his birth certificate, it would say

SERVO: This kid was born named after a robot and a guy stuck in a tube.

>Alfred
>Zachary Oliver Reginald Daniel Oswald Nigel Crowmeowme.

ALL: (singing) His name is my name too.

> Though Bob
>didn't

SERVO: Use protection nine months ago, he wore some for the rest of time.

>know

MIKE: (singing) How to handle a woman, mark me well, said the wise old man.

> Zack that well, and Kat never

CROW: Let it slip that Oliver is extremely appropriate since Tommy is
Alfred's real father.

> met him, it was one of the few Z
>names

CROW: Since they didn't want to use Zeppo, after Bob's favorite Marx
brother.

>they could come up with. Bob and Kat later discussed the

MIKE: Fact that nobody uses names like Oswald and Nigel anymore.

> matter of
>guardians, should any

SERVO: One find any use for this story, please tell us.

> major catastrophe kill both of them. They
>decided that

CROW: They should cause a major catastrophe and destroy Angel Grove
themselves.

> Brian and Kim should be Alfred's guardians, should the
>unthinkable happen.
>
> Within a few weeks of giving birth, Kat was performing

CROW: At Fallen Angels, the local strip club.

> in the
>Angel Grove Ballet's performance of The Nutcracker.

MIKE: Which Bob thought would be rather painful for himself.

> Bob thought this
>appropriate, as he had

CROW: Just used a nutcracker to make a pecan pie.

> been a patron of Tchaikovsky. Soon. the Royal Academy

SERVO: A division of Starfleet Academy.

> held
>auditions in Angel Grove, where Kat won

CROW: In the spokesmodel competition.

> an invitation to attend the
>Royal Academy. Bob then put a plan into action, a plan which would

MIKE: Lead Luke Skywalker on the path that would help him fulfill his
destiny.

> provide
>them with more than adequate

SERVO: Toilet paper, should they wind up in Russia.

> living space should Kat accept the
>invitation. Several decades ago, Bob had

MIKE: An affair with Queen Elizabeth, which was kept quiet in exchange for
ownership of Buckingham Palace.

> purchased a castle in

SERVO: Case of dragon attack or peasant uprising.

> the
>English countryside, located

MIKE: In an area where it never rains until after sundown, the moon is out
by 9 pm, and the winter ends on March 2.

> about thirty kilometers outside of
>London. Bob maintained a

CROW: Steady relationship with Princess Di.

> staff there, headed by the majordomo,
>Neville. Bob wired Neville

SERVO: Sounds painful.

> and had him put the castle on

MIKE: The auction block, since Kat only won by having Bob bribe the judges.

> standby, and
>to prepare

CROW: Ship for ludicrous speed.

> a nursery room for little Alfred.
>
(Servo moves towards Mike)
(Mike and Bots exit theater)
(Door Sequence)
(Bridge)
(Mike and Bots are watching a TV. It sounds like they are watching Power
Rangers)
SERVO: Look at Kat move.
MIKE: Yeah.
CROW: I can't believe you two, could you have forgotten Kimberly so fast?
MIKE & SERVO: Who?
CROW: (annoyed) You remember, the gymnast. Wore pink. Appeared in a movie
with Shelly Long and the second Jimmy Olsen from Lois and Clark.
(Crow pulls a long length of computer paper in front of the screen,
apparently with pictures of Kimberly)
MIKE & SERVO: Oh, her.
SERVO: She is so last season. Kat's the new babe in town.
MIKE: Yeah, when did what's her name there wear shorts that tight?
(Crow looks at screen)
CROW: You know, you guys have a point.
(Crow throws computer paper into conveniently placed trash can as
Commercial
Sign light flashes)
MIKE: (distracted) We'll be right back.
(MST3K Logo)
(One long block of psychic hotline commercials)