[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 6b of 9)

[Shay_...@letterbox.com]

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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 6b of 9

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 16
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CROW: <click> Hey, I just got an E-mail!
MIKE: Not spam?
CROW: No, it's the Top Ten Changes to NASA to Accommodate 76 Year old John
Glenn's return to Space aboard the Shuttle Discovery!
TOM: Mouthful!
MIKE: So what are they?
CROW: 10. All devices now operated by the Clapper.
9. Shuttle's thermostat set at 80 degrees.
8. Shuffleboard installed in cargo bay.
7. "Early Bird" specials included on menu.
6. One monitor specifically designated for "Matlock."
5. Little bowls of candy scattered randomly about the ship.
4. Top speed of shuttle set at 25 miles per hour.
3. A new bifocal windshield.
2. Space pants now go up to armpits.
1. Left blinker left on for entire mission.
MIKE, TOM: [ laugh ]

>
> The "Hedgehog--Priority One" light

CROW: When the light goes on, please fasten your Hedgehog--Priority One.

> went on in the command chamber.
> "I guess it's 'Game On,' isn't it, Snivley?"

MIKE: Now where's the reset button?
CROW: I'd settle for permanent pause.

> "Yessir, Doctor Robotnik. You think that Davey Crockett will--"

TOM: [ Snively ] Cut me off in the middle of my--

> "Of course. Does he think for a second that he can reprogram a
> roboticizer and send a video link to Knothole, and not have me notice?"

MIKE: [ Snively ] Well, you are a fairly poor excuse for a bad guy.

> Robotnik gets up, allowing silver goo to drip down his arm.

ALL: Ewwwww!!

> "Oh course, you don't think that he would--"
> "Oh, I think he will, Snivley. He might get away with deroboticizing
> Uncle Chuck, but I don't think that he'll get any father. You see,

TOM: [ Robotnik ] He's adopted.

> I did a
> DNA scan on Davey Crockett,

CROW: Why?!

> and I must say, I was surprised by what I've
> found."

MIKE: He's got the gene for dog breath. Why is that?

> "W-What did you find, Master?"

TOM: [ Torgo ] i TAke cArE OF ThE pLacE wHIlE tHe mASTer iS AwAy.

> He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then . . .

CROW: He melted.

> "Oh, I think I'll
> leave you in suspense for a while."

CROW: How do you leave a human in suspense?
MIKE: How?
CROW: I'll tell you tomorrow!! Ha ha ha...

> He headed out the door. "But I will
> tell you this." He turned back to Snivley as the doors close between them.

MIKE: It was Maggie. Maggie Simpson!
TOM: So much for suspense.

> "Davey looks like me for a reason."

TOM: [ desperately ] They're the same person! Davey fights bots, then runs
in--
MIKE: No, Tom.
TOM: --takes off his super-steel-grip girdle--
MIKE: Tom, no!
TOM: --and then goes to fight... as... evil... [ breaks down into sobs ]
MIKE: There, there, it's okay.
TOM: Aaargh! There is nothing happening! People are just talking and talking
about uninteresting things, and the only "action", if you can call it
that, is an irritating 20-year-old blasting robots!!
MIKE: It's okay. Don't worry. Something *has* to happen that's interesting
soon.
TOM: <sniff> really?
MIKE: I hope so.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Programming those Swats to escort us to the Roboticizer's a nice
> touch, Uncle Davey."

CROW: Oh, so he's cyberomnipotent. That's just peachy.

> "Hey, we had to get in there nice and easy." Davey opens up a panel in
> the wall. "Here's your way in. The Override's at the other side."

TOM: Of what?!

> "I see it, and the VR's kicking in."

MIKE: [ speaker ] Soon I'll be numb to all feeling. There we go.

> "Good. Do me a favor and do it as soon as you can. Okay, Prower?"
> "Will do!." Tails gave Davey the Thumbs Up,

CROW: A fight erupted and they all were killed. The end.
MIKE: You skipped a step there.
CROW: I don't want it to take any longer than necessary.

> then ducked in.
> "Well, arrrrrrrrrrrighty then.

MIKE: No, that's "A-a-a-al-l-l righty then".

> It's you and me now, Sir Charles."
> "The roboticizer's over here."

CROW: [ Davey ] Where? <thwap> Oof! Oh, there!

> The two went into the chamber.

TOM: So they're both getting roboticized?

> Davey looked at the controls.

ALL: Du-u-uh...

> "Biological lock keyed to Robotnik's DNA? Phrack it!"

MIKE: Okay. Phrack you, lock! Phrack phrack phrack phrack phrack!!

> Ten seconds with the Data Spear, and the lock was bypassed. The
> control panel pops out.

ALL: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!!

> "My programming's still here. Goody. You may

TOM: [ Davey ] Kiss my programming.

> assume the position,
> Chuckie."

ALL: Ewwwww!!

> Chuck stepped into the tube. The tube slides down.

ALL: Oh.

> "Gotta wait a bit for the 'cizer to power up. ET's about 30 seconds on
> the 'cizer, 25 on the override. Live feed's going smoothly. How things
> going, Knothole. Hiya, Suni!"

TOM: He's nuts. Talking to no one.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Everyone who wasn't involved in the extraction team was glued to the
> monitor that Antoine connected the live feed into.

TOM: Oh. He's still nuts, though.
CROW: Well, that goes without saying.

> Sonia was sitting at the
> front, with a diet coke in one hand and a chili dog in the other.

MIKE: Pig!
CROW: No, hog.
MIKE, TOM: <groan>

> Several
> others were making a similar event out of it.

ALL: Packers! Wooooo!!
TOM: Go! Go! Go! Go!
MIKE: Packers rule!

> Soft drinks and snacks were
> flying everywhere.

ALL: FOOOOOD FIIIIIGHT!!

> "You all are probably wondering why I'm letting you all ride shotgun
> with me. I guess it's my need to flick the bird at Robatsy in public. King
> Acorn has sent me to your planet to

TOM: [ Davey ] Share with you my Vienna sausage!

> wreck Robotnik's world. Byte by byte,
> brick by brick,

MIKE: [ singing ] No matter how thin, no matter how thick!
TOM: That was obscure.
CROW: I don't get it.

> and bot by bot. I'm gonna drive it all down into the
> shocking bedrock, man. And when I'm done, and I have that bloated piece of

TOM: Spam!
CROW: [ singing ] Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!

> excrement at my feet, begging that I put that reason why abortion is legal
> in my world

ALL: What?!
MIKE: So you can abort old ugly fat people in his world?

> out of his misery, orrrrr,

MIKE: [ pirate ] I'll steal his gold and make him walk the plank, arrrrr.

> maybe I will let him die. Or maybe
> I'll roboticize that bastard, just to show him what it's like--"

CROW: Probably not nice.

> Davey looks off camera and notices someone off camera, hiding in the
> shadows.

TOM: And...

> He flipped on the house lights.

TOM: Ignores the person hiding.
MIKE: To scare off burglars.

> "Eh, what's up . . . Doc?"

CROW: [ Davey ] I always wanted to say that.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "I always wanted to say that,"

CROW: D'oh!

> Davey quirks to Chuck.

TOM: How do you quirk?!

> 25 seconds til
> power-up.

MIKE: Of what?

> 10 on Tail's ET.

MIKE: Until what?

> Man, The Heartbreak Kit's doing good.

MIKE: How?!

> Still,
> Davey needs to stall for more time.

MIKE: Why?! Please explain SOMETHING!!

> Robotnik's robot arm reaches for the
> override switch.

TOM: Now *this* we understand.
ALL: Do it! Do it! Do it!

> Davey reaches for the roboticizer switch.

TOM: OK, so he's gonna roboticize Charles/Chuck.
MIKE: To make his robot body realistic, yeah.
CROW: Look, why bother to try to understand it?
TOM: You wouldn't understand.

> 23 seconds on the 'cizer.

TOM: I think that must be Chuck's time.
MIKE: Yeah, now I remember Davey saying something about it powering up.

> Tails' time's stuck at 10.

MIKE: To find the wire for the override--
TOM: And cut it off!
MIKE, TOM: Yeah! We understand the plot!
MIKE: [ holds up his hand ] High five! No, wait.
CROW: I'll never understand *you*.

> Damn.

TOM: [ triumphantly ] Because Tails isn't any closer to finding the right
wire.
MIKE: It's great to know what's going on.

> "Dueling with machines. How novel, Crockett. Honestly, do you think
> you can flip that switch before I take out your arm?"

CROW: Well, he could just PULL THE SWITCH NOW.
MIKE: No, the roboticizer hasn't yet powered up.
CROW: Maybe I *should* try to understand things.

> "I dunno, Robuttnik.

TOM: [ Davey ] I can't count.

> I've reprogrammed that Roboticizer,

MIKE: [ Observer ] I did it in several seconds with my mind.

> I could've
> done the same with the override."

CROW: [ Davey ] What it all boils down to is: do ya feel lucky, punk?

> Roboticizer: 17 seconds; Tails: 7.

TOM: Dolphins 21, Chargers 8.

> "You didn't have the time, mister.

MIKE: Now go to your room! You're grounded!

> The ICE would've gotten you for
> sure."

TOM: [ Davey ] Eh, ICE, shmICE.

> "Julian, I've been in cyberspace for two--"

CROW: [ Davey ] Minutes.

> "WHATTT!!!!"

MIKE: [ Robotnik ] I can save *how* *much* by dialing 10-321?!

> Roboticizer at 10, Tails at 5. "How did you know my

CROW: [ Robotnik ] Fondness for chili?

> name?!?!"

MIKE: Sheesh, it's not like you keep it a well-hidden secret!

> A pause--

TOM: [ Robotnik ] I wonder why I haven't pulled the override lever yet. Oh
well, I suppose there must be some good reason.

> Roboticizer at 5, Tails at 3. "Oh yeah,

TOM: [ Robotnik ] Even the non-fanboy MSTies know my name.
CROW: Hey!

> King Acorn sent
> you did he?" Roboticizer at 4,Tails at 2. "No matter, I know what to do

CROW: With some soiled pants!

> with His Highness' 'care package'. . . " Roboticizer at 3, Tails at 1.
> Robotnik threw the switch.

MIKE: [ Robotnik ] FETCH!

> A faint sound of a wire being ripped out.

CROW: So...

> And nothing more. Roboticizer at 1.

TOM: And Tails at -1, I guess.

> Robotnik angrily glared at the switch and jammed it a half dozen times.
> A splash of silver spurted out with each jam.

ALL: Ewwwwww!!

> "Game Over." Davey slowly pulled his switch. Uncle Chuck was bathed
> in blue light.

ALL: Shi-i-iny-y-y.

> "How can this BE!"

MIKE: A huge pile of plot contrivances. Don't even try; you're outnumbered.

> He kept jamming on that lever until his left arm
> fell off,

ALL: Ewwwwwww!!

> spilling another gallon of silver. "That Roboticizer Override's
> cost a million Mobians!!!"

CROW: [ Robotnik ] Bob, Stan, Mike, Jon, Kenny, Ringo, George, Jamal, Paul,
that one weird gooey guy...

> "Now, Tails!"

MIKE: But, didn't he already?

> A panel was kicked out, and Robotnik realized that Davey had an ace in
> the hole.

CROW: ACE IN THE FIRE!!! No, wait.

> "You snooze, you lose, Robuttnik. You need this one Mobian wire

TOM: Just this ONE Mobian wire, no other.

> to get it to work, and I just yanked it out as you were pulling the switch."

MIKE: As opposed to *before* you pulled it, which would be the intelligent
plan.

> Now would be a good time to play his own ace, while the live feed was
> still on-line.

MIKE: I bid 20.
CROW: I see your 20 and raise to 30.
TOM: I fold. Pot's too high for my taste.

> Robotnik tried to clap his one remaining hand, but all he
> could do is pound the floor.

MIKE: So that's the sound of one hand clapping.

> "Bravo, Bravo. I must say that I'm impressed.
> Only someone like myself would have the guts to do what you've justdone. Or

TOM: Oh, not that again.

> my--"

TOM: Half-cousin!
MIKE: Milkman!
CROW: Archenemy!

> "Hold it right there, Julian!"

CROW: [ Inspector Gadget ] You're under arrest!

> Davey stepped up to the tub of lard and
> whipped out his Power Rifle.

TOM: [ Davey ] How dare you imply that I ever was a milkman!

> "What the phrack are you trying to pull on
> live TV?

CROW: We'd like to know too.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Beats me. I'm just stalling for time.

> Some propaganda crap to shake up the Freedom Fighters with? No
> Dice."

TOM: In Capital Letters.

> By this time the upgrade was complete.

CROW: We've switched to Windows 98!

> The blue glow over Chuck
> resided

TOM: On GeoCities.

> to reveal ahedgehog of flesh instead of metal. Eyes that were 30
> seconds ago red on black are now

CROW: Puce on plaid!

> black on white. He was examining his hands
> that now don't look like a puppet. "Amazing," he said to himself. "I know

MIKE: [ Charles/Chuck ] The square root of 74,000.
TOM: [ Charles/Chuck ] How to factor decimals.
CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Absolutely nothing!

> by now that my new body's artificially made, but it looks so real. Am I
> real now, am I?" He looks up to find Davey on top of Robotnik.

ALL: EWWWWW!!
CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Uhh, I'll leave you two alone now... bye...

> He knocks
> on the glass to get Tails' attention, and motions him to raise the tube."

CROW: Who's speaking now?

> Davey was laughing very sarcastically. "That is the biggest bullshit

ALL: <gasp>
TOM: He said "bullshit"!

> that I've ever heard!! YOU?? MY FATHER?? OF ALL PEOPLE?? HAH!!!!"

MIKE: [ incredulous ] When did he say that?!

> "David, you don't know. . . "
> "You are NOT Darth Vader, Julian!"

TOM: [ Darth Robotnik ] I find your lack of eggs disturbing, Davey.

> ". . . your mother was divorced when you were an infant, did you know .
> . . "

MIKE: [ singing ] That you're my hero...

> "I'm NOT Luke Skywalker and I'm NOT training to be a Jedi Knight!"

TOM: [ Davey ] So there.

> ". . . how can I know that when I don't have connections to your
> planet, Kintobor."

CROW: And that fills in our "David 'Davey "Crockett" Kintobor' Gonterman"
profile.

> "And I wouldn't give a phrack in hell

CROW: [ Davey ] 'Cause I don't have a phrack in hell.

> WHO my biological father is, he
> could get--"

TOM: A haircut.

> Davey froze when he heard his real last name.

CROW: "Finsterbocker".

> "What the
> phrack

MIKE: He uses that word way too much.

> did you call me?"

CROW: I called you "Finsterbocker". Wanna make something of it?

> "That's your real name, isn't it?

TOM: [ Robotnik ] David Finsterbocker?

> David Kintobor?

MIKE: [ PA system ] David Kintobor? You have a call.

> Not that callsign
> you've been using when you're surfing the net."

TOM: As well as *every other moment of his life*!

> Charles stood in awe

MIKE: [ grunting ala Tim Taylor ] Aww?

> when he heard that name. Kintobor? It couldn't
> be!!

CROW: Well, actually, it is.

> In Knothole, Bear felt the same.

TOM: Pure, unbridled joy. Wait, that's us.

> Neither one wanted to find out what
> would come next.

MIKE: The redneck family reunion!

> Charles felt a sharp pain in his stomach.

CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Damn these intestinal parasites!

> "David," Charles said slowly. "I'm afraid that he has a point.

MIKE: On top of his head.

> You
> see,

CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Fermat's Last Theorem never *has* been proven!

> Kintobor is Robotnik backwards!"

TOM: And Winston Churchill is an anagram for Cow Hurls Chin Lint.

> "I know that Kintobor is Robotnik backwards, Chuckie? But what does
> that have to do with me?!?!"

MIKE: It has the world to do with you.

> "A lot.

MIKE: Well, that too.

> Being an auto-automation in the last stage in its existence.

CROW: Is that a sentence fragment of some kind?
TOM: I suppose it's connected to the next sentence.
CROW: Well, how're we supposed to know?
TOM: We're supposed to have a telepathic link with Davey.
CROW: He probably misspells in his mind.

> I have been freed from my personality programming."

TOM: [ high-pitched ] I'm free! Free! Free! Freeeee!

> Robotnik looked more
> like

MIKE: Marlon Brando.

> an expressionless wooden puppet than

MIKE: Sharon Stone.

> an evil tyrant. "You are not
> aware of it, but

CROW: Twinkies do rot.

> Julian Kintobor came from your world. Yes, through The
> Void.

ALL: *Dah* dah DAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

> How else would you explain a human in a world of talking animals?

CROW: Boredom on the artist's part?

> He
> became a brilliant military genius, and became King Acorn's war minister.

TOM: As well as heir to the throne of Essex.

> It wasn't until he staged his own military coup when he gave himself his

MIKE: Shiny pink frilly dress.

> callsign of

TOM: T-Bone.

> Doctor Ivo Robotnik, the Tyrant

CROW: With a capital Ty.

> I am an obviously poor imitation
> of."

CROW: Is that a sentence fragment?
TOM: Yes and no.

> "Yeah, absolutely crappy. Note to Snivley, and I hope you're watching.
> . ."

MIKE: [ Davey ] Stop overcooking my gravy!

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> . . . and he was, in the Control Room.

CROW: Good for him.

> "If you ever throw something at me of this low quality ever again, I'll

CROW: [ Davey ] Cry!

> hunt you down and roboticize you myself. Is that clear, mister?"
> "er, yeah, right, sure thing . . . Junior . . ."

TOM: Starring Arnold Schwartzenegger and Danny DeVito.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "I SHOULD DO YOU RIGHT NOW

ALL: Ewwwww!!

> JUST FOR CALLING ME THAT!!! I AM *NOT*
> ROBOTNIK'S SON!!!"
> "You don't know that.

MIKE: [ Davey ] Well, yeah, I do. I'm the all-powerful author.

> Before he came to Mobius, he had a family, and a
> child that was too little to notice that he was gone one day and never came
> back.

TOM: In a cautionary tale told to youngsters.

> That child must have been you, David."

CROW: Or Peter Parker.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> In Knothole, time froze.

TOM: Professor Frink! Cut it out with the freezing and the stopping and the
timing and the things!

> Everyone stopped what they were doing, their
> eyes glued to the screen.

MIKE: Oh, Beetlejuice's been fooling around again.

> Sonia's heart sank when she finally realized who
> she's been dating.

TOM: Charles Manson.
MIKE: OJ Simpson.
CROW: Jeffrey Dahmer.
TOM: Y'know what they found in his freezer?
CROW: What?
TOM: Ben & Jerry.
BOTS: [ chuckle ]

> Davey Crockett was such a nice person to her.

CROW: Except for that stuff with the chains, but she liked that!
MIKE: CROW...

> Such a
> warm and caring man-turned-fox with a friendly, though introverted

CROW: Cat.

> personality and chest fur that you would just love to dive into.

ALL: Ewwwwww!!
MIKE: I hate this fanfic. Did I say that?
TOM: I think you did, once.

> Who would
> have known that his father was the one who brought so much pain and misery
> to this world.

CROW: Well, us... the proofreader(s), if such a thing exists... God... Davey's
mom... Robotnik...
MIKE: Is that supposed to be a question.
TOM: I'm not sure; are you.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Nice story, pusbag.

TOM: [ Davey ] Especially the part where you *leave*.

> Still, it's bullshit. You could be saying that

MIKE: [ Davey ] For sadistic pleasure!

> just to cause a division between me and the Freedom Fighters. They might

CROW: Pee their non-existant pants!
TOM: [ random Freedom Fighter ] Eeew, they got it all over the carpet!

> even want to take me out for your sins!

TOM: This is the moral of our story.

> Like I said, No Dice." He held the
> rifle to Robotnik's head. And fired.

MIKE: Mike held his hand to his mouth.
CROW: And puked.

> The head burts open like an overripe
> melon, and silver blood squirts out the neck like a fountain.

ALL: YU-U-UCK!!!

> "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

CROW: [ speaker ] My toilet backed up!
TOM: [ speaker ] Where's my cabbage collection?
MIKE: [ speaker ] I wanted to blow Robotnik's head up!

> From out of nowhere, Packbell charged the duo that could be Robotnik
> and son, but that is still debatable,

TOM: Boy, there's nothing like a nice, flowing narration.
MIKE: Yeah, I know what you mean.
ALL: And this is nothing like a nice, flowing narration.

> lifted Davey off Robotnik and threw

ALL: Up!

> him across the room. He landed on top of the biological lock. His right
> arm got stuck in the place where you put the arm in.

MIKE: D'oh! Some luck!

> He tried to yank it
> out before the lock checked that arm for DNA, in one last gasp for hope that

CROW: His souffle wouldn't pop.

> he would still be innocent in Knothole, but . . .

MIKE: The Grinch really *did* stop Christmas this time!

> his DNA was close enough:
> DNA CHECK CONFIRMED, DOCTOR ROBOTNIK. ROBOTICIZER ACTIVATED

TOM: What? DNA is unique in all people except identical twins, and he would
have half of his DNA from his mother, which I *think* is enough to throw
off a DNA tester.
CROW: Maybe it's a really sloppy lock.

> For all of Mobius.

MIKE: Huh?
CROW: Wha?

> For all of that solar system.

TOM: For the solar system, *what*?

> Time froze.

ALL: Oh.

> All was
> silent.

MIKE: Could you speak up? I can't hear you.

> Except for the sound of one heart breaking.

ALL: [ various snapping cracking glass shattering noises ]

> David Kintobor's.
> Otherwise known as

TOM: Dog Breath Man!

> Davey Crockett's.
>

CROW: And a space for emphasis!

> Robotnik's son.

CROW: I must be psychic.
TOM: Huh?
CROW: Check back to part 1.
MIKE: OK, then what number am I thinking?
CROW: Uh, it's not 751.
MIKE: By golly, he's right!

>

MIKE: Let's get out of here.
CROW: Ugh.
TOM: Don't let me stop you.

[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]

[ INT SOL. Tom, Mike, and Crow are engaged in a discussion. Let's watch, won't
we? ]

CROW: Man, this story is *ba-a-ad*!
MIKE: Yeah, it really is.
TOM: All that dreck is is a bunch of cliches--
CROW: --overused plots--
MIKE: --idiot plots--
TOM: --plot *contrivances*--
CROW: --big explosions--
MIKE: --"subtle" references to the author--
TOM: --and an irritating, aggravating, self-pitying, author-representing
IDIOT of a MAIN CHARACTER!!
CROW: Ahem. I have prepared a poem in honor of this story.
MIKE: Well, then, go ahead and read it.
CROW: Well, more like a song.
MIKE: Sing it, then.
CROW: Thank you. It is entitled Davey-Kins: Story of a Freak, to the tune of
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. <cough, cough> [ singing ]

Whe-e-en-ever we read fanfics, we all feel aches and pains;
The crappiness surrounds us and it penetrates our brains.
Yet of them, I can safely say this stands out from the rest;
If being bad was being good, then this would be the best!

TOM: Oh, Super-Freaky Davey's the most horrible of all!
CROW: If I have to read one more page, I think that I will bawl!
MIKE: I now see what you're gettin' at; this guy should take a fall!
TOM: Super-Freaky Davey's the most horrible of all!

BOTS: Um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i, um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i,
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i, um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i!

TOM: If I could go to Earth right now, you know what I would try?
I'd seek out David Gonterman and watch him slowly die!
I'd bring a few machine guns and a big flame thrower too,
And when I'd finish, Dave would be a worthless pile of goo!

CROW: Oh, Super-Freaky Davey's the most horrible of all!
TOM: If you want him gone, then Crapbusters is who ya gonna call!
MIKE: I'll bet he even bought himself a Davey Crockett doll!
CROW: Super-Freaky Davey's the most horrible of all!

ALL: Um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i, um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i,
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i, um-diddle-iddle-iddle, um-diddle-i!

TOM: And so this ends our tale of melancholy fate; oh well.
CROW: At least we know that Davey will be headed straight to Hell!
MIKE: Drew Rhine and Paul Lapansee, who also had us vexed:
CROW: Wear an armored suit to bed, because you will be next!

MIKE: Oh, Super-Freaky Davey's the most horrible of all!
TOM: I'm still surprised and shocked that Davey even had the gall!
CROW: This fanfic is so bad, he should be in Detention Ha-a-all...
ALL: Super-Freaky Davey's the most horr-i-ble of all!! Yeah!!

[ The Commercial Sign flashes. ]
MIKE: We'll be right back.
CROW: With a few machine guns.
TOM: And a big flame thrower too.

[ MST3K planet bumper. ]

TOM: "Davey Crockett doll"?
MIKE: It was the best rhyme I could think of!

[ Commercials ensue. ]

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End of part 6b of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
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