Misting:Karen McCoy-A Letter (2/6)
Cory Mccasland
(6...5...4...3...2...*)
>>If $150.00 was spent by web terrorist at
Crow: Quark's for a holo-suite filled with seductively dancing Hansons.
Servo: Thank you *so* much for that image, Crow!
>> the U.S.
District Court in
>>Mountainous Midwestern Town outside which web terrorist lives,
Doctor: Now she's trying to disguise where web terroist lives.
>>
>> to cause
>>an injunction and this prevention is real -- which it is not --
Crow: Yeah, F. Lee Bailey just can't be taken seriously anymore.
>>
then
>>marvelous --because to do this, this means that web terrorist has
>> got to
Doctor: Run naked through the Panopticon!
>>sue me -- which web terrorist hasn't because web terrorist is
>> scared to
Servo: I think she's scared of a lot more than that.
>> -- a lawsuit means that my, and web terrorist's,
Crow: And the Clinton's.
Servo: And OJ's.
Doctor: And the High President's.
>>
telephone
>> records will
>>be subpoenaed and reviewed by a court of law,
Servo: I'm sure Ed Koch will get a laugh out of those.
>> and
that the
>> truth in this
>>matter will FINALLY be revealed
Crow: Well, at least Mulder will be pleased.
>> as to who's been
incessantly
>> phoning
>>whom, and whose office, and whose colleagues,
Doctor: And whose 900 numbers.
>>
and why.
Crow (high pitched voice): Because we like you!
>>But web terrorist isn't going to sue me, although I wish web
>> terrorist
>>would.
Servo (McCoy): Please, please, please! Anything to take away
attention from my crayon coloured story boards!
>> Web terrorist is AFRAID to sue me.
Doctor: Everybody is afraid of you, period.
>> Web
terrorist is
>> afraid of
>>suing me, because
Crow (McCoy): She knows I've been going without my Prozac for a
month.
>> web terrorist knows that if web terrorist
Servo: Would you stop it with the "web terroist"!!!
Doctor: I'm getting a headache. Give me an aspirin.
Crow: I thought those could kill you?
Doctor: And your point is?
>>
>> does this
>>then EVERYTHING that web terrorist wants to hide will come out.
Servo: Like where she got those compromising pictures of Michael
Crichton and Steven Spielberg.
>>Everything is exposed in a court of law.
Doctor: Well, hopefully not *everything*.
Crow: Maybe she's hoping Paul McGann will be called to the stand.
>> Scary, innit,
web terrorist?
Servo: Innit? You better agree with me! I said innit!
>>Not for me, because I've got nothing to hide.
Crow: Except for those pictures from alt.sex.pedophilia.
Doctor: You could get sued for that.
Servo: Not to mention that Mike would rip your head off for that.
Crow: Well, Mike's not here, and I dare her to sue us! You hear me,
McQuack? Sue away!!!
>> So sue away.
Servo: You two must have a psychic bond, Crow!
>> PLEASE.
Crow (Lisa Simpson): Sue me! I'm ever so sueable! Sue me!!!
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-----------------------------------
(Deep 13. No one is to be seen. Suddenly, a pile of clothes near the
couch
begins to shake violently. Finally, Mike struggles his way out, and
takes
big gulps of fresh air, failing to notice a pair of women's underwear
clinging
to his head.)
MIKE: I *never* wanted to be that close to the Forresters. (notices
underwear, grabs it and throws it to the floor) Where is everyone?
(walks
over and looks down the hallway, notices no one around. He turns and
sees that the TARDIS door is halfway open) Great, they beat me to it.
Better
stop them before every woman looks like Mrs. Forrester. (shudders as
he
enters)
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------------------------------------
>>And I dare web terrorist
Crow: Triple dog dare ya!
Servo: Dare ya to infinity!
>> to show what a big @#*% web
terrorist has --
Crow (NIN): I'm a big web terorist, got myself a big web...
>>and it certainly must be a big one
Doctor: Frued would have a field day with her.
Servo: Yeah, and he'd probably say it's all because she wants to have sex
with you.
(Doctor lets another violent scream)
>> because web
terrorist has spent a lot
>>of website-building time
Crow: Yeah, bulding an AOL Member Pofile site can be *so* hard!
>> describing it going up Paul McGann's
backside
Crow: Which a lot of female fans would love to do.
Servo: Crow!
Crow: What are you screaming about?
Servo: Just trying to fill the void.
Doctor: Does this mean Web Terrorist is a transexual?
>>-- and phone an attorney, start that suit, and step into the ring.
Servo: In this corner, all-time psycho-schitzo freak Karen McCoy!
(Doctor and Crow boo)
Servo: And in this corner, web terrorist!
(Doctor and Crow cheer)
>>Because once my attorneys,
Servo (Phil Hartman): Lionel Hutz here, I plead guilty by insanity!
Doctor: The Doctor here, and I say the web terroist is really the
Valeyard
in disguise!
Crow (Jonnie Cochrane): If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!
>> that phone records subpoena
and
>> Lieutenant
>>A.J. Bielow of
Servo: The Starship USS Oneinsanemamajama.
>> Atlanta Homicide
Crow: Muntz would laugh this out quicker than he did the Lone Gunmen!
>> and Crimes Against
Persons
Servo: CAP? Think about it, won't you?
>>
make
>> short
>>work of web terrorist,
Doctor (web terrorist): No, not the mind probe!
>> web terrorist will never threaten
another
>>convention proprietor, or anyone else, again.
Servo: Animals, children, and Pauly Shore on the other hand...
>>
Because web terrorist
>> will
>>be living in a Federal prison,
(all break out in uncontrollable laughter)
Crow: Just when you thought she could make less sense!
>> serving time for libel,
character
>>defamation, invasion of privacy,
Servo: Flaming NA authors.
Crow: Responding to Ratliff's challenge.
Doctor: Geneticly altering lab mice to attack Socks the cat.
>> terrorist threats and
transmitting
>>libelous information
Crow: AOL sucks!
Servo: That's not libelous, that's a fact.
>> across state lines -- which is a FEDERAL
>> OFFENSE
>>AND A FELONY
Doctor: I'm not getting used to that.
>> , "by the way."
Servo: "By the way", you're short a few screws.
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-----------------------------
Mike felt as if he had stepped into another world. {Great, the
author's
going for an artsy Misting,} he thought. Even though he had seen almost
every Doctor Who episode (Dimensions in Time had left deep scars), he
could understand why every companion looked like a big mouth bass
whenever they stepped on board the TARDIS.
After shrugging off the initial shock, he looked around for any sign
of
the Forresters. {Probably got lost,} he thought. Walking over to a plush
chair, he picked up a book lying on it's seat. {H.G. Wells' The Time
Machine.
He *still* hasn't finished that?} Wandering over to the console, he
brushed
up against a girder, causing the console to spring to life.
"ThE TaRDiS...SeEms tO...LIke...yoU."
Mike looked over to see Torgo standing near the hallway doors. "What
the hell are you doing here? Where's Dr. Forrester?" Mike demanded.
"THe MaSTeR...wiLL SEe yOu...NoW," Torgo said in his particular lilt,
as
he struggled to not knock over the hatstand he was using for support.
Turning
around, he shoved the doors open. He motioned with his staff for Mike to
follow.
{I just hope it's not who I think it is,} Mike thought as he
reluctantly followed
Torgo.
After what seemed like forever, especially at Torgo's speed, Mike
was
brought to the Cloister room. The Eye of Harmony lay open, it's energies
barely
contained. Mike's concentration on the situation was broken by a shrill
scream
coming from the balcony overlooking the Eye.
"GET ME OUT OF THIS CONTRAPITON!!!"
Mike turned and looked upwards. Pearl was locked up in the same
Clockwork
Orange-type torture device that the Doctor had been held in by...
"Oh, no. Not..."
"My dear Nelson. So nice of you to make it here," a syruply evil
voice called
from behind Mike.
He turned to see a sight that normally would have him bowled over in
laughter. A strange figure came strolling down the staircase that lay
before the
Eye of Harmony.Wearing a lovingly hand-crafted Time Lord robe, his usual
bed-head slicked back, and his wire rimmed glasses absent, the figure
sported
an evil grin.
Dr. Forrester was not the man he once was.
"Let me guess. You wound up in the TARDIS toilet, and slithered your
way
into Dr. F."
Before the possessed Forrester could answer, Pearl began screaming
again.
"Clayton! What are doing in that ridiculous outfit! Get me down from
here!"
With a fanciful wave of his hand, the Master responded, "I'm sorry,
Mrs.
Forrester. Clayton doesn't live here anymore! With this admitedly pitiful
frame,
I will finally be rid of the Doctor, and after that..."
"You'll go back and try to disrupt Charles and Di's wedding so you
can take
over the world?" Mike interjected.
"That's enough mouth out of you, Nelson! Torgo, deal with with this
impudent
human!"
Torgo began shambling towards Mike.
"Oh, give me a break!" Mike said as he began walking around the Eye
and
shoved Torgo to the ground. Getting right in the Master's face, Mike
taunted
"Why don't send someone who doesn't take a million years to do everything?
"
The Master reached down into the folds of his robe and produced his
Tissue
Compression Eliminator. "One move, Nelson..."
Swatting the TCE out of the Master's hand, Mike responded to his
threat
"Don't point that thing at me! I don't know where it's been!"
The Master then tried to push Mike down the stairs. All that
accomplished
was to give Mike a reason to throw him across the room.
"Hey, be careful! That's my son's body!" Pearl screamed from above.
"I must say this has made you excessively aggressive, Nelson," the
Master
said as he collected himself from the floor.
"Consider all of this revenge for 'The Mark of the Rani'," Mike
quipped as began
walking menacingly towards the Master.
Picking up Torgo's body, the Master responded "Well, this plan isn't
working
out so well. So I think I'll exit stage left!" The Master kissed Torgo
full on the lips,
causing Mike and Pearl to retch in disgust. Forrester's body then
collapsed to
the floor, as the now Master-possesed Torgo jumped into the Eye of
Harmony.
Mike was still reeling from the sight of the Master being intimate
with Torgo
when Pearl's screaming brought him back to reality. "Would someone get me
down from here? These cuffs are starting to chafe!"
Mike ran up to the baclony, but stopped himself from freeing her
right away.
"I'll only do this if you promise to forget all about the TARDIS and give
it back to
the Doctor."
"Anything, just get me out of this crazy place!"
After freeing Pearl, they then gathered Dr. Forrester's unconscious
body.
As they carried him back to the console room, Mike wondered aloud, "I
wonder if he'll remember anything?"
"If he does, he'll probably have nightmares about snakes and Torgo
for
the rest of his life," Pearl responded as they exited the TARDIS.
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----------------------------------
>>Now: web terrorist has made a lot of noise recently
Crow: I'll refrain just this once.
>>
about Karen McCoy
>>being "hostile, belligerent and condescending."
Doctor: Not to mention more insane than a Dalek being put in charge of a
UN Human Rights comittee.
>>
Web terrorist has also
>>caused fan newspeople to regard Karen McCoy as
Servo: The worst thing to happen to Whodom since 'The Ghosts of N-Space'.
>>
"sinister." Let me
>> ask
>>you a question:
Doctor: Which goes better with the straight jacket? The scarf or the
Panama hat?
>> What is more hostile, belligerent and sinister
than
>>threatening an entire convention of fans not to mention someone's name?
Crow: Renewing 'Family Matters' for another season?
>>And who is more condescending than somebody who wants to destroy
>> the
>>chance of Doctor Who coming back,
Servo: How about the person who claims they're bringing it back?
>> and yet at the
same time posts
Doctor: Conspiracy theories linking me to the cancellation of "The
Visitor".
>>websites devoted to themselves and wants the fans to read about them,
>>instead of about the possible series?
Crow: Probably because she wants to cure anyone of the depression they
experience after reading one of your letters.
>>I dunno' about you, but I find the potential return of the Doctor
Doctor (petulantly): Maybe I won't return. How would feel about *that*?
Servo: Watch it, you're starting to sound like whoever crossposted those
"Time to rest" posts.
>>
a lot
>>more interesting to read about than
Crow: The latest flames against Kate Orman.
>> one pissed-off
person's
>> scandal-page
Servo: She must have read the AFA's "facts" about Marilyn Manson, too.
>>of musings and ramblings about a woman they've never met and do not
>> know
>>but want to hurt for some reason.
Doctor: Let he who casts the first stone...
Servo: Please, we had enough scripture with "KTEH"!
>> But read web
terrorist's page of info.
>>Please, be my guest.
Crow (singing): Be my guest, be my guest, put my sanity to the test!
>> I love the fact that web terrorist is
doing this to
>>me, because
Servo: It takes attention away from my claims that Barry Letts is
involved.
>> my attorney says this is libel and we're building
a case...
Doctor: A case for my internment in Arkham Asylum.
>>:)
Servo: Oh, so she find's the legal harrassment of a person just trying to
set
the facts straight amusing?
Crow: Look who we're talking about, Tom.
>>Read and enjoy. It's certainly given me a few chuckles.
Doctor: And this has given me a reason to turn myself in for violating
the
Laws of Time.
>>Lemme' ask you guys: Has Karen McCoy threatened anybody with legal
>>action?
Servo: Seems like somebody has a bad memory.
Crow: This whole letter is a bad memory.
Doctor: What I would give for a Cyberman or two now.
>> (Besides web terrorist, of course, whom I threatened with
legal
>>action immediately because their first words to me were a bunch of
>>obscenities).
Crow: Your brother wears Mumu's!
Servo: Your sister's uglier than a Zygon!
Doctor: Your mother's the size of a Dalek battlecruiser!
>> Has Karen McCoy harassed or stalked or lied about
>> anyone?
Servo: Too easy. Pass!
>>(I stretched the truth about Area 9,
(laughter)
>> that's for sure, by
bragging about
>>them
Crow (excited voice): Oh, they are *so* cool! They have a room full of
monkeys working on the greatest novel ever, they've got the Kennedy's
financing my project, and...
>> and implying they were honest; but was this lying? Or opening
my
>>big f@#*%ing
Servo: That's one too many symbols there.
>> mouth too soon about people I really didn't know
that well?
Doctor: Why not? I wouldn't be surprised if you said you knew me
intimatly.
>>I wonder).
Crow (singing): She's a small wonder...
>> Has Karen McCoy responded to rumors about
Servo: Kiefer Sutherland dancing with Bigfoot?
>>
Doctor Who
>> coming
Crow: He can't. You see, he has an old war wound from the Master...
Doctor: Watch it. I know how to re-program smart-alec robots.
>>back by erecting a website
Servo: Oh, yeah, that feel's *good*!
>> devoted to herself like a
shrine
Crow: Papered with pictures of Julia-Louis Dreyfus.
>>
and
>> spending
>>way too much time
Servo: Nitpicking the Target adaptations.
>> criticizing, lying about and "dissing"
Crow: Isn't it funny how she's trying to be hip?
>>
the person
>>trying to do it? And most importantly, has Karen McCoy threatened
>> the
Doctor: Image of my show and it's fans? I think so.
Servo: Well, they did that quite well on their own.
>>guy who runs Visions with a lawsuit if he lets somebody appear at his
>>convention?
Crow: No, but I'm sure you would if you could.
>>Nasty business, ladies and gentlemen...
Servo: I think that's enough for now.
(all get up and leave theatre)