[MiSTing] "Trials and Tubby-lations" [Teletubbies/VOY/X-Files] [3/5]

[Matthew R Blackwell]

[The trio enters. Mike places Tom into his usual
theater seat, then he and Crow move several seats
down the aisle before sitting.]
Tom : Come on! I boffed a Tubby! Does that make me some
sort of pariah?
Mike: Yes. Yes it does.

>
>
>
>

Crow: Maybe the writer forgot to attach the story to the post.
Mike: No complaints here.

>
>From fitc...@netaccess.co.nz Mon Jul 06 15:12:30 1998

Crow: Damn. Oh well.
Tom : Hey! Pay attention to me!

>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative

Tom: Guys...I really didn't...
Mike: [Interrupting] We know.
Crow: We're shunning you for even suggesting that you did.

>Subject: NEW: Time for Tubby Bye-Bye [PG-13] (Voy, graphic violence) 1/1
>From: fitc...@netaccess.co.nz (Sasscat Bu-to-y)

Mike: Hey! A New Zealander! I hope that the author's English
is good.
Crow: Um, Mike?
Mike: Well, I'll just speak some of the New Zealand lingo to
make Sasscat feel at home.
Tom : Mike...?
Mike: Ahem. S'truth! Pass a couple of tinnies to me, Bruce!
Look out! There are drop bears ahead, mate!
Crow: Mike, those aren't New...
Mike: Pop another shrimp on the barbie! The dingos ate me
baby! Joh's done a lot for Queensland!
Tom : Well, there goes our chances for ever being shown on
TVNZ...
Crow: And I think that sinks our possible contract with the
Foxtel folks too.

>Date: Tue, 7 Jul 1998 08:12:30 +1200
>
>Title: Time for Tubby Bye-Bye
>Author: Sasscat Bu-to-y

Tom : I know those syllables, but that name makes no sense.
Mike: Of course not. You don't speak New Zealandish.
Tom : Riiiight.

>Series: Voyager
>Rating: PG-13
>Codes: graphic violence

[The trio sits upright in their seats.]
Crow: Graphic violence? Coooool!
Tom : John Woo makes a special directoral effort in tonight's
"Voyager."

>Part: 1/1
>
>Summary: Harry comes up with a new way to draw Seven out of her shell
>but the plan backfires and a new craze sweeps Voyager.
>

Mike: There better not be any Furbies in this story...
Crow: Or the Macarena.

>Warning: Teletubbies. What more need I say? But not the sort you'd
>show your children.
>

Tom : Uh-oh. This might be Peter Jackson's "Meet the Tubbies!"

>Disclaimer:

Crow: Disclaimer? I don't even know her!
Mike: [mumbling] Damn. I really should have gotten that anti-pun
booster this year.

> Paramount owns Voyager, Ragdoll owns Teletubbies, and the
>views of the characters in the story are *not necessarily my own*.
>Okay? So if you disagree, don't flame me. (Hey, it rhymes! Uh,
>anyway...)
>

Mike: [Sasscat] ...I thought that'd you'd like to read my
dissertation on 11th century Norwegian farming practices
before we hit the fanfic.

>Archiving's fine as long as you let me know; feedback's fine too <g>
>at fitc...@netaccess.co.nz
>
>
>Time for tubby bye-bye
> (c) Sasscat Bu-to-y 1998
>
>"Come in," Kathryn Janeway said as her ready room door chimed.
>"Harry, how can I help you?"
>

Crow: [Kim] How do you get your hair like that? Mine keeps going
all soft on me.

>"I had an idea to help Seven develop her social skills," Harry said
>enthusiastically, handing her a padd.

Tom : [Kim] She and I have a wild, passionate affair before settling
down and raising our 2.3 children. Well, it's worth a try,
anyway.

> "Tom was showing me some
>television programs from the twentieth century,

Tom: [Kim] By the way, if you can find any other shows from "The
Spice Channel", we'd really appreciate it.

> and we came across
>something called 'Teletubbies'. It was designed for young children,
>and turned out to help draw autistic children out of their shells."
>

Crow: You dangle a Teletubby in front of them, and when they stick
their head out to bite it you whack them with...oh, wait,
that's snapping turtles.

>She looked at him then picked up the padd. It showed four colourful
>creatures with large ears and grey squares on their stomachs. One was
>red, one yellow, one blue and one green. She was mystified.
>

Mike: [Janeway] Weren't these people the hosts for '60 Minutes'?
Crow: [Kim] We think they did both. Our records from that era are
a bit incomplete.

>"I hardly think Seven can be compared to an autistic child," she
>pointed out,

Mike: She's a much more developed person.
Crow: That's going to take a moment to sink in, Mike.

> but Harry shook his head.
>
>"Autism interferes with the development of social interaction skills.
>Its sufferers often exhibit extreme passivity and cannot comprehend
>what makes others tick.

Mike: These people tend to become bureaucrats.

> They have to learn social interactions
>mechanically; 'empathy' by rote.

Tom : Just keep saying "I sense great hostility, Captain" until
you get it down.

> They think about it on a scientific
>level - just like Seven. I checked it out with the Doctor and he
>agrees," he added, then blushed, presumably for 'going behind her
>back'.
>

Crow: Is that what you kids--well, you know the rest.

>She smiled to reassure him and looked back at the cuddly creatures on
>the padd. Teletubbies. The name suited them.

Mike: The name "Janewayiacs" didn't test well.
Tom : They could always call them Species 8473.

> "I can hardly disagree
>with such an expert prognosis, can I? What exactly did you have in
>mind?"
>

Tom : [Kim] I thought that we'd go out to dinner, then take in
a show. The Doc's putting on "Les Miz" in the Sick Bay.

>"Half an hour twice a day," Harry said promptly, "five days a week.
>"The records were very clear about when it was screened. Tom's
>already working on converting it to a holoprogram."
>

Tom : [Kim] Though somehow Hanson wound up in the first version.
I think the boy has some issues.

>Kathryn handed the padd back and smiled warmly. "By all means,
>proceed, Mr Kim. I'll expect regular progress reports."
>

Tom: [Kim] Of course. Right now, I'm picking up my PADD and
walking towards the...
Mike: [Janeway] Not quite that regular, Harry.

>"Of course, Captain." He grinned and left.
>
> =/\=
>
>Kathryn stared into her empty coffee cup and admitted that she was
>beginning to worry about the Teletubby Project.

Mike: The plan to build a giant Teletubby in space in the hopes of
bringing peace to a warn-torn galaxy just wasn't working.

> The progress reports
>simply stated that Seven had taken to the program enthusiastically;
>smiled often and once even laughed.

Tom : Her English skills degenerated to a two-year-old's level,
but hey, can't have everything.
Crow: "Me Seven of Nine. Me assimilate you now!"

> It was wonderful news, Kathryn
>had to admit, but something bothered her about the way Harry talked
>more about the program than he did about Seven. And it wasn't like
>Harry to ignore Seven, she added to herself.
>

Mike: Hell, it wasn't like any male with a pulse would ignore Seven.

>She glanced at the chrono and put the cup down with a sigh. She'd
>come to dread bridge duty since the project had begun. Harry and Tom
>had taken to passing their shifts by talking enthusiastically about
>some people called Laa Laa,

Crow: Okay, is that supposed to be one "a" or two?
Tom : Four, actually.

> Dipsy, Tinky Winky and Po. At first she'd
>thought those were code-names for Tom's latest conquests, but when
>Chakotay had joined in the conversation she'd realised they were
>discussing the Teletubby Project.

Mike: She knew this because the word "Tubby" kept popping up.

> Even Tuvok had joined in, arguing
>that Po would never fight with Tinky Winky, because 'teletubbies love
>each other'.
>

Tom : The hell?
Crow: And then Tuvok told everyone that Daphne and Shaggy were
obviously doing it.

>She couldn't hide out in her ready room forever, Kathryn told herself
>firmly,

Tom : You did it for six months in "Night" though, Kathy.

> and walked out the doors with head held high. The turbolift
>opened at the back of the bridge and Tom took one step out before
>turning to Harry and saying in a low voice, "Uh oh."
>
>"What have you done *now*, Mr. Paris?" she asked, probably unfairly.
>Well, if the captain couldn't be in a lousy mood occasionally, who
>could?
>

Mike: No, no. Being grouchy is the province of doctors and
security chiefs. Captains are aloof and resolute.

>Tom just looked confused. "All I said was 'Uh oh.'"
>
>Kathryn didn't even want to *try* to work out what that one meant.
>She shook her head slightly and looked at Harry as Tom made his way
>down to his station. "Harry, how's that program for Seven coming
>along?"
>

Crow: [Kim] Great! She'll be a beautician in no time at all!

>Wrong question, she thought with a wince as a grinning bridge crew
>announced, "*Big* hug!" Well, except Tuvok.

Mike: [Janeway] Tuvie! What's wrong? Why don't you greet your
Kathy-wathy with a big hug?

> Tuvok didn't grin and,
>thank God, nor did he 'big hug'.
>

Tom: He did do a passable Bat-tushi though.

>She smiled politely and settled into her chair. This was going to be
>one hell of a long shift.
>

Mike: [Paris] Captain? Lwaxanna Troi just beamed aboard.
Crow: One hell of a really, really, long shift.

> =/\=
>
>She should have known. Anything from the twentieth century had to be
>trouble.

All : Hey!
Mike: Lousy 24th Century weasel...
Crow: We gave the universe all sorts of things!
Tom : Rock and roll!
Mike: Hemmingway!
Crow: Motion Pictures!
Tom : Whipped cream in a can!
Crow: Drive-in mortuaries!
Mike: Um, guys...?
Tom : Dame Edna!
Crow: Grape Duds!
Tom : Talk Soup!
Crow: Pizza with pineapple toppings!
Mike: Guys...
Tom : Stretch Armstrong!
Crow: Pop rocks!
Mike: GUYS! [Silence] We're a bit off topic here.
Crow: Okay, okay. Sheesh.

> She should never have authorised the damn project.
>

Tom : She has become Dipsy, the destroyer of worlds.

>"Be fair," Kathryn told the mug in her hand. She was back in her
>ready room, tryig to pretend she wasn't hiding and failing miserably.

Tom : Guys, it's time we faced it...the Voyager is an Omega Company.
Mike: A what?
Crow: A dumping place for all the losers that other companies don't
want. Like...well, the UPN network.

>"You haven't even seen the program. There's probably a perfectly good
>explanation."
>

Mike: Well, it was a pretty bad movie...
Crow: It did encourage laying down in the street while cars raced
by though. Anything that weeds out the shallow end of the
gene pool like that can't be all bad.

>Explanation for what? For her crew acting like lunatics; announcing
>"Eh oh," wherever they went and gathering for '*big* hugs' at the
>oddest moments?

Crow: Hey, if group hugs is part of Roddenberry's Dream, sign me up!

> Not to mention abandoning "Aye, Captain," in favour
>of the infuriating "Change course tubby tubby tubby," or "Scan scan
>scan tubby tubby tubby tubby."
>

Crow: Not to mention "Blast blast blast Kazon tubby tubby tubby
tubby."

>Her crew had gone space-mad.

Tom : They were watching Monster Truck Rallies. Willingly.

> Even Tuvok had succumbed. How had she
>let things get this far out of hand? This hardly seemed like the
>effect of a child's entertainment program. A secret governmental
>mind-control experiment? That was ridiculous. Or was it?
>

Mike: There was only one way to tell for sure. So, Janeway made a
large 'X' out of tape and attached it to the window. Now, she
merely had to wait...

>This was getting her nowhere. "Computer, time," she said with a sigh.
>
>"The tubby-time is fifteen hundred tubby-hours," a childish voice
>informed her. Kathryn bit back a curse and strode out of her ready
>room, ignoring Chakotay's cheerful "Eh oh," as she passed. Half an
>hour until the next showing. Time for a snack,

Crow: Pshaw. Here she's been slamming the 20th century, and she's
probably going off to get a Pop-tart.
Tom : Yes, the delicious breakfast pastry that lasts forever!

> and then she was
>going to see what this program was really all about. And get B'Elanna
>to change the damned computer back.
>

Mike: You could just go to the control panel and change it yourself,
Kathryn.
Crow: Yeah, just turn off the "Tubbies" theme for Pete's sake. It
takes, what, four clicks of the mouse?

>"Messhall," she ordered, and leaned against the wall. What a day.
>What a week.
>

Tom : [Paris, on the intercom] Captain? Wesley Crusher just
appeared on the bridge.
Crow: One really long hell of a week.

>She straightened up as the computer's ramblings sifted into her
>consciousness.
>

[Tom begins humming "The Girl from Inpanema."]

>"Turbo'ift go mess'all. Go go go tubby tubby tubby tubby tubby."
>
>"Shut *up*," she muttered, to no effect. Naturally. When she found
>out who'd reprogrammed the computer-- though she had a fairly good
>idea already. Not many people would have both the access *and* the
>death-wish.
>

Crow: Charles Bronson, no!

>She stepped out the instant the doors opened and strode straight to
>the messhall. It was all but deserted, save Neelix

All : AHHHHH!!!!!
Crow: The Tubbies *and* Neelix? In the same story?! Author, have you
no sense of human decency?

> who stepped out of
>the kitchen when he heard the door open, and smiled at her.
>
>"Eh oh! I must admit, Captain, I was starting to worry about you; I
>haven't seen you for quite some time."
>

Tom : [Neelix] Not since you saved me from Chakotay's wrath after
I tried to serve rabbit stew.

>It had been one, one and a half days at the most, but Kathryn wasn't
>in the mood to quibble.

Mike: [Janeway] Well, the aftertaste is finally out of my mouth,
so I'm ready to get back on the horse. Do your worst.

> "Where is everyone?"
>

Tom : [Neelix] Well, remember how we were running low on supplies,
and I wanted to stop by that last planet but you said no,
and... well, does the phrase Donner Party mean anything to
you?

>"Where crew?" Neelix repeated in a sugary voice. "I *believe* they're
>in the holodeck waiting for the next showing. As a matter of fact I
>was about to head down there myself, but can I get you anything first?
>There's some tubby tustard left from lunchtime if you like."
>

Tom : [Neelix] Just ignore the bone fragments...
Mike: Tom, let the joke go.

>Tubby tustard? *Tubby* tustard. It was a miracle people weren't
>turning up for shift dressed as the damn things.

Crow: The Voyager crew seems to be getting a bit... kinky.

> Or maybe they were,
>but just not on the bridge. ...Suddenly she didn't feel like eating.
>"Thank you, Neelix, but I was just... looking for Lieutenant Paris."

Mike: [Janeway] I've got a hankerin' to do some butt-kickin', and
he's got the butt I love to kick th'most!

>She winced slightly at the transparency of her cover, but Neelix
>looked satisfied.
>
>"He's definitely in the holodeck. I consider myself quite a fan, you
>know, but Tom has never missed a single episode. That's what I call
>dedication."
>

Tom : That's what I call pathetic!
Crow: Well, Paris has always been one of the biggest losers on
the show. I mean, imagine coming in second place to *Neelix*,
for crying out loud!

>Of course Neelix wasn't as big a fan as Tom. He was speaking in whole
>sentences for a start.

Mike: And, unlike Tom, he hadn't begun writing Tubbie slash fics.

> Kathryn put on the carefully practised smile
>she reserved just for him.

Crow: It was the same smile that Mulgrew used when talking to
Rick Berman.

> "I'm sure it is, Mr Neelix. Thank you;
>you've been most helpful. Excuse me."
>
>She hurriedly left the messhall and entered the nearest turbolift.
>"Engineering."
>

Tom : No, "Turbolift."

>"Turbo'ift go en'ineerwin'. Go go go tubby tubby tubby tubby tubby."
>
>She rolled her eyes upwards and leaned against the wall.

Crow : Y'know, for once I'm sympathetic to Janeway's plight.

>
> =/\=
>
>If the messhall had been deserted, Engineering was a ghost-deck.

Crow: Shhh! If you listen carefully, you can hear the cries
of long-destroyed shuttlecraft...
Tom : o/~ This deck... o/~
Mike+Crow: o/~ Aaah, aaah. o/~
Tom : o/~ Is looking like a ghost-deck...o/~

>On closer inspection Kathryn realised that B'Elanna was in her office,
>studying the screen and apparently in a good mood. Maybe she could
>get that computer fixed now.
>

Crow: [B'Elanna] You got a work order?
Mike: [Janeway] Uh, no, but...
Crow: [B'Elanna] Guess yer outta luck then, pal.

>"Lieutenant--"
>
>"Shh." B'Elanna didn't even look up. "Time for teletubbies."
>

Crow: Unless it's a pledge month, in which case you've still got
about fifteen minutes of pledge break to sit through.

>"*Lieutenant*," Kathryn repeated firmly. "You're on duty."
>

Mike: [Janeway] Well, I think you're on duty. Oh hell, I don't
care anymore. Computer! I need a drink!
Crow: [Computer] Un 'arvy 'all'anger, tubby, tubby, tubby!

>A flicker of a frown crossed B'Elanna's face then she settled back
>into an inane grin. "Shh."
>

Crow: [B'Elanna] Springer's on.

>Reaming out the Chief Engineer could wait, Kathryn decided. She
>needed to find out what was going on in the holodeck.
>

Tom : Uh-oh. Mulgrew's having Mrs. Columbo flashbacks.

> =/\=
>
>The holodeck was crowded when she arrived. It seemed like the entire
>off-duty crew had gathered to watch those damn teletubbies.

Mike: Well, with the NBA on strike, what else is there to do?
Crow: Teletubbies! It's Faaaantastic!
Tom : Start the season. Hurry.

> Possibly
>a few on-duty crewmembers as well, Kathryn thought, remembering the
>state of Engineering. As Neelix had said he would be, Tom was waiting
>with the rest of them, and after a moment Neelix walked in the door as
>well.
>
>Kathryn ducked around a group of people to avoid him - not that she
>had anything *against* Neelix as such,

Tom : Remember that line, folks.
Mike: Yep. She's be counting on you to testify on her behalf at
the Neelix murder trial.

> but she really didn't feel up
>to another conversation with him right now - and found herself next to
>Tom.
>
>"Eh oh," he said with a grin. "I was wondering when you'd come,
>Captain. I didn't think your curiosity would let you stay away for
>long."
>

Crow: Yep. We've crossed over into Mrs. Columbo land all right.

>Kathryn practically fell over. It was the first time in days she'd
>heard him use a complete sentence - let alone two sentences without
>a mention of a 'tubby'. Maybe this wasn't as out of hand as she'd
>thought.
>

Mike: Then the giant golden Tubby idol appeared.
Tom : Moses is going to be ticked off....

>But then a small chime sounded and she was almost deafened by a
>hundred ecstatic cries of "Time for teletubbies!" Music started to
>play, and she had to admit it was slightly catchy; the sort of music
>you could whistle along to or tap your foot.

Mike: [Janeway] Wow. So this is what peyote is like...

> A childish shrieking
>giggle from in front caught her attention and she tore her eyes away
>from Tom.
>
>It was, she decided, supposed to be a sun.

Mike: A sun?
Crow: Si.
Mike: What did it do?
Crow: Shine.
Mike: Shine?
Crow: Si.
Mike: Sigh.

> It had the face of a baby,
>and, although she normally adored children, for some reason she had
>an intense urge to blow this one out of the sky.

Mike: Wow. Janeway's actually following our lead for once!
Crow: Now, if she'd just start making sarcastic comments at
the tubbies.
All : [Whispering] Join us! Join us!

> A soft whispered
>chant traveled over the crowd: "Teletubbies teletubbies teletubbies
>teletubbies teletubbies teletubbies."
>

All : [Whispering] Freebird, freebird....

>"Over the hills and far away," a female voice announced. The chant
>grew more insistent. "Teletubbies come to play."
>

Tom : Tonight we're in for a treat, as the Tubbies' opponents are
the Detroit Redwings!
Mike: Yes, we're in for quite a game tonight! These two teams hate
each other.

>An oddly artificial looking hill came into focus, and one of the
>teletubbies shot out the top.
>
>"One," the voice declared.
>
>"One!" the teletubby and her crew repeated.
>

Crow: Then Cuba Gooding Jr. showed up and started tossing
out soft drinks to the crew.

>"Two." Another teletubby shot out of the hill.
>
>"Two!"
>

Tom : o/~ Three, four. Can I have a little more? o/~

>"Three."
>

Crow: Five, sir.

>"Three!"
>
>Kathryn winced slightly at the noise, but even if she decided to leave
>there was no way she'd be able to get through the crowd between her
>and the arch.

Mike: Hrrmph. Picard could have talked his way out of there.
Crow: And Kirk would have fought his way out of there.
Tom : And Sisko?
Crow: Sisko? He would have never gone in a holodeck to watch
the Tubbies in the first place. He's too cooool for that.

> The teletubbies were peering into the hole in some
>consternation, although it was hard to tell when they wore nothing but
>the same idiotic grins.
>

Mike: So, they looked like flight attendants then?

>"Four," the voice finally announced, and a blue teletubby shot out of
>the hole amidst shouts of encouragement from the crowd.
>
>"Four! Four! Teletubbies!!!"
>
>"Go Tinky Winky," Tom cheered.
>

Crow: Go go Tinky Winky! Mighty Morphing Tinky Winky!

>Kathryn rolled her eyes. So much for not being that bad. This was
>pure drivel.

Tom : Still, it was better than "Baywatch Nights."

> Give it a chance, she reminded herself sternly.
>
>The teletubbies rushed around five bronze periscopes which were
>announcing, "Time for teletubies! Time for teletubbies! Time for
>teletubbies! Time for teletubbies!"
>
>The music picked up and the same voice began to sing.

Mike: Tsk. I can't believe that Stevie Nicks was so hard up for
money that she took a role in this fic.
Crow: We all have to eat, Mike. Well, Tom and I don't need to,
but you get the idea.
Tom : Yeah Mike. I mean, I'm not proud of that time I spent as a
Denuvian pudding lizard wrangler, but you don't hear me
complaining about it.
Mike: [pause] Tom, someday we need to talk about what exactly
you did while you were away.

>
>"Tinky Winky."
>
>The blue teletubby echoed him, "Tinky Winky!"
>
>"Dipsy."
>
>"Dipsy," the green one repeated.
>
>"Laa Laa."
>
>"Laa Laa!"
>
>So the red one must be... "Po."
>

Mike: Blue, red, yellow, green. They're a Twister board
come to life.

>"Po!"
>
>"Teletubbies. Teletubbies. Say hello!"
>

Tom : Hello...
Crow: Hello...
Mike: Hello....
All : Hello!
Mike: I guess that Laa Laa is the Curley Joe of the Teletubbies.

>"Eh oh!" the teletubbies obediently chorused, and Kathryn winced.

Mike: She remembered that tonight was the very special, "Tubbies
teach about enemas" episode.

>Well, now she knew where *that* particular expression came from. She
>stifled a groan as the music began to repeat and used the time to
>analyse the teletubbies.
>
>It seemed that the blue one and the green one - also the two larger
>ones; what a coincidence - were the males.

Crow: They were the Tubbies that never asked for directions.

> Aggressive, too, from the
>way they were charging at each other, although Laa Laa and Po were
>copying them.

Tom : Let's watch as they all jump off a bridge.

> If they didn't bounce off each other's stomachs like
>that they could do some real damage.
>

Mike: And if they were armed with phaser rifles, they could also
do some real damage.

>A moment later another annoying expression was explained as the
>teletubbies gathered for a '*biiig* hug!' before rushing off.
>
>A periscope rose slowly. "Where have the teletubbies gone?"
>

Tom : o/~And who's that deadly piper, who leads them away? o?~

>"Who cares?" Kathryn wanted to ask,

Crow: That's the spirit!
All : Join us! Join us!

> but bit it back.

Crow: Damn.
Mike: We were so close.
Tom : Well, back to the subliminals.
All : [Whispering] Join us. Join us.

> Now was not the
>time.
>
>The sun burbled. Rabbits chewed grass. The hills just sat there.
>

Mike: And Godot had yet to appear.

>The scene switched to the interior of a large room. The red 'tubby
>stood by herself, grin still firmly attached. "Eh oh!"
>
>"Eh oh!" the crew replied enthusiastically.
>

Crow: [Po] The time has come for our troops to march into the
Rheinland! Eh oh!
Mike + Tom: Eh oh! Eh oh!

>"One day in teletubby-land, Po went to sleep in Tinky Winky's bed,"
>the singer/periscope explained.
>

Tom : That was a Melrose plot from last season.

>"Po sleep Tinky Winky bed," Po repeated, and spent the next five
>minutes doing just that, giggling often and producing an odd honk
>when she sat that startled Kathryn into visibly flinching.

Tom : Odd. The Klingons make the exact same noise when they sit down.

> A vacuum
>cleaner wandered around aimlessly, making 'zheep zheep' noises to
>itself.

[The bots turn to stare at Mike.]
Mike: What?
Crow: Mike? You didn't...?
Mike: No! I didn't build another robot!
Tom : Mike....
Mike: I swear I didn't build another robot!

> Po sighed contentedly, several times, and began to snore.
>

Crow: Hey! Roll onto your side, Po!

>Kathryn studied the crew while she waited for something interesting to
>happen. They all sat or stood, completely riveted to the action - or
>lack thereof -

Mike: They must be watching C-SPAN.

> in front of them, their expressions reminiscent of the
>puppets-on-acid grins of the teletubbies themselves.
>

Mike: Which, by the way, was reminiscent of the puppet-on-acid grin
of Balok from "The Corbomite Manuever."

>Three voices singing announced the return of the other teletubbies.

Tom : Hanson makes a special guest appearance in the fanfic.

>They walked through the door cheerfully, greeted the crew with a loud
>"Eh oh!" and waited for instructions.
>

Crow: [Laa Laa] Okay Dipsy, you go and calibrate the magnetometer!
Tinky, find me a mackerel! A big one! I'll go and try to
discover what the Ph level of our water is! Let's go!

>"Tinky Winky, Dipsy and Laa Laa wanted to go to sleep."
>

Crow: So, Dipsy downed a bottle of Nyquil. Within weeks, she was
downing cough sryup like it was water.
Tom : Coming soon on Lifetime, "Eh-oh. Me D.: Portrait of an addict."

>"Oh," said one of the teletubbies, in apparent enlightenment. "Go to
>s'eep." They chorused the phrase for several minutes, emphasising it
>with overacted yawns and stretches, while the vacuum cleaner looked
>on with a worried non-expression. They lined up in front of the beds,
>managing not to notice that Po was already asleep in Tinky Winky's.
>

Mike: They also failed to notice the presence of a large pile of dead
rats in the corner.

>"Laa Laa went to sleep," the voice narrated. The yellow 'tubby looked
>surprised for a moment, almost blushing at the 'honour' as the other
>two turned to look at her.
>

Tom : [Dipsy] Should we tell her about the spinach in her teeth?
Crow: [TW] Nah. It'll take care of itself.

>"Sleep, sleep," she murmured, and sat with a honk. "Sleep."

Tom : SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP?

> She
>pulled a silver, almost Starfleet-issue sheet over herself and started
>snoring immediately.
>

Mike: We should send them some nasal strips.

>Tinky Winky looked about to object as the voice said, "Dipsy went to
>sleep," then apparently thought better of it.
>

Crow: [TW] Heck, I'll just kill him first.

>Kathryn suddenly realised they were going to go through this *three
>times*.

Tom : Math is not Kathryn's strong suit.

> She started mentally revising the reports she'd been studying
>earlier while Dipsy 'went to sleep' with the attention to detail of a
>thousand Vulcans.

Mike: Meaning that every seven years, Dipsy tried to shag like a
crazed mink.

> Eventually Tinky Winky tried to go to bed and
>discovered Po already there. The ever-present narrator announced a
>solution, which Tinky Winky promptly repeated.

Tom : [Narrator] Kill them all. Let the streets run red with their
blood.
Mike: [TW] Kill 'em ull! S'eets 'un 'ed w'th b'ood!

>
>"Hooray! Tinky Winky s'eep in Po bed! Yay! Tinky Winky s'eep in Po
>bed!"
>
>"No need to sound so thrilled about it," she muttered. "Talk about
>underage--" She subsided at Tom's look,

Crow: Thank you, Tom.
Tom : Huh?

> though less from repentance
>than incredulity that he, of all people, didn't see the subtext
>himself.
>

Mike: You'd think that Paris' huge collection of porn would help
him figure it out.
Crow: Go fig.

>Po's bed being about half the size of Tinky Winky himself, the large
>blue teletubby - predictably - didn't fit.

Tom : It might be a hide-a-bed.

> He spent five minutes
>describing the dilemma, and another five trying to find somewhere to
>sleep, all to no avail. The table was too hard, the slide was too
>slippery - no wonder, Kathryn thought, when he tried to sleep halfway
>up it - and just when all the possibilities had been exhausted, Po
>woke up. How convenient.
>

Crow: Janeway is, after all, an expert in convenient timing.

>"Eh oh!"
>
>"Eh oh, Po!"
>
>"Eh oh, Tinky Winky!"
>
>You've already *said* that, Kathryn thought impatiently.
>

Tom : Yeah! Have someone punch up the script already!

>"*Big* hug," Po suggested. Tinky Winky repeated the statement and Po
>hugged the blue teletubby's legs. Well, perhaps the height difference
>wasn't quite that bad, Kathryn conceded, but it was still ridiculous.
>

Mike: Just like Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley.
Tom : Good Mike. Use a ten-year-old reference.

>"Bye-bye, Tinky Winky!"
>
>"Bye-bye, Po!"
>

Crow: Bye-bye Vladimir Horwitz! Bye-bye Gwen Stefani! Bye-bye Louis
Freed!

>The little red 'tubby scampered off looking ridiculously pleased with
>herself - what had *she* been dreaming about, Kathryn wondered - and
>muttering something that sounded like "Potty, potty!"
>

Mike: Wakko? Is that you?

>Tinky Winky climbed into bed, rolling from one side to the other until
>the sheet was tucked neatly between his legs where it rubbed with
>every movement. This was becoming half drivel, half pornography.

Crow: What would be a good porn movie name for the tubbies? Hmm...
Ooh! The Ti...
Mike: No.

> As
>the narrator said, Tinky Winky was "*very* comfortable."
>

Tom : It must be a craftmatic adjustable bed.

>Just when she thought she'd have to sit through another ten minutes of
>snoring, self-pleasuring teletubbies, the scene switched back to the
>rabbit-infested hill outside. Kathryn remembered her grandfather's
>Welsh rabbit with a wistful sigh and ducked as a pinwheel suddenly
>started showering jagged pink projectiles in all directions.
>

Crow: Next on Fox, it's "When Pinwheels Attack!"

>Tom plucked one out of the air and presented it to her with a flourish
>that suggested some kind of sleight-of-hand. "Eh oh, Captain!"
>
>She accepted it hesitantly. "Um... Eh oh, Tom."
>

Tom : Oh, fine. Now you talk to me! I've riffed and I've riffed and
I've riffed in an effort to get you to notice me, and you've
ignored me! And *now* you expect me to talk with you?! Well,
it doesn't work that way, missy! [Tom begins to sob.]
[Mike and Crow stare at Tom for a moment.]
Mike: [To Crow] This is like that Creepygirl obsession you were
telling me about, right?
Crow: [To Mike] Yep.

>He grinned as if to say, "That wasn't so hard, now, was it?" and
>turned back to the holograms.
>

Mike: Jem was just warming up to start her set.

>The teletubbies had emerged from their home inside the hill and were
>waving their legs in the air, giggling. As Kathryn watched, the grey
>squares on their stomachs took turns glowing blue for a second or two,
>inspiring shrieks of laughter. Evidently the teletubbies were very
>ticklish.
>

[Tom stops sobbing and looks up at the screen.]
Tom : I know. Heh, heh, heh.
Mike: Tom, you're creeping us out again.

>Suddenly they all stood and rushed to the top of the hill they were
>on, standing happily in height order. The biggest teletubby's stomach
>activated again, the inverted triangle attached to his head glowing
>at the same time. He thrust his pelvis forward with a suggestive leer
>then the shine passed to the next-tallest teletubby.
>

Crow: Okay, so the shine is an STD. Got it.

>After each 'tubby had done its suggestive best, they started again at
>the beginning of the line. This time Tinky Winky's stomach stayed
>grey and instead he declared "Tinky Winky!" in the sort of tone that
>needed no other words. Come and get it, baby.
>

Crow: Wow. So PBS is a porn channel now, huh?

>The other three followed Tinky Winky's lead and finally the glow
>settled on the youngest, Po. Po looked absolutely thrilled. The
>bigger 'tubbies gathered round, *extremely* close to her. And they
>used to show this to children?
>

Mike: Well, people who liked dressing up like children.

>The square on Po's stomach suddenly showed a picture of three children
>shouting "Hello, hello, hello, hello!" over and over.

Tom : The early years of the Three Stooges.

> The teletubbies
>returned the greeting and the picture grew larger so it could easily
>be viewed by the crew.
>
>The children introduced themselves; Jodie, Ishmael, and 'Nim'. "Let's
>find Aandeh!" they decided,

Mike: We'll start in Amish town!

> in the sort of accent that could have come
>straight from one of the more conservative colony worlds.
>

Crow: Like North Carolina.

>Then followed a scene that rivaled a meeting of the Federation Council
>for boredom; Andy teaching the children how to find snails.

Mike: Andy? You mean Andy Richter, lovable sidekick to Conan O'Brian?
Crow: Or Andy Dick from "Newsradio" and the Ben Stiller Show?
Tom : Or is it Andy Rooney helping them search for snails, and
wondering why do people eat snails? Even cooked they're
disgusting little pieces of meat. You can only taste them
for a second, and then they're gone. And you've paid $80 for
the experience. Why do people do that?

> When it
>was finally over the teletubbies taught Kathryn the true meaning
>of horror; they begged "Again! Again again!" and whoever was
>controlling the pinwheel gave in.

Crow: That must look good on a resume. "I controlled the pinwheel."
Mike: I did that for three months at the temp job, actually.
Tom : Really? Where?
Mike: CNN. Turner has a thing for them.

> The scene began all over again.
>

Crow: Great! We've got some different riffs that we'd like to use!

>The program was only supposed to be half an hour long, Kathryn
>recalled. Hadn't it been longer than that already? It seemed like
>hours.

Mike: Now you know how we feel.
Tom: Watch "Hobgoblins" sometime. That one felt like it went on
for years.

> She'd have mentally inspected every report in her ready room
>by the time it ended if this kept up.
>
>Finally the scene ended. Again. The sun burbled for ten seconds
>without interruption, then another ten seconds produced several clips
>of the hills. The 'tubbies marched into view, holding onto the waist
>of the 'tubby in front and, as always, in height order from tallest to
>smallest.
>
>"Cha cha cha cha cha, *hah*!" they chanted, and Kathryn's heart sank.
>A conga line. Of teletubbies.

Mike: Still, it beats that blasted dancing baby.

> What had she done to deserve this?
>

Crow: Fiddler's Moon.

>Mercifully, one of the periscopes interrupted them to announce, "Time
>for tubby bye-bye. Time for tubby bye-bye."
>
>Thank goodness for *that*. She wasn't sure she could have stood five
>more seconds of that drivel.
>

Mike: [Paris] And now, five more seconds of this drivel!
Crow: A really, really, really long five seconds of drivel.

>Unfortunately, the 'Tubby Bye-Bye' sequence lasted a lot longer than
>just five seconds. Kathryn watched disbelievingly as the voice of the
>periscope bid goodbye to each of the teletubbies in turn. And just
>when she thought it was finally over, they all popped up again with
>cries of "Boo!"
>

Tom : The Teletubbies star in "I Vaguely, Kinda Recall What You Did
Last Summer."

>"Nooo," the voice admonished lightly.
>
>"Nooo," they mimicked.
>
>"Bye-*bye*, Tinky Winky," and the whole thing started over again.
>

Mike: So, Kim's going to walk into Janeway's office then?

>The female voice from the beginning of the show explained, "The sun
>is setting in the sky. Teletubbies, say bye-bye."
>
>Dipsy marched to the top of the house-hill and waved. "Bye-bye," he
>said, then jumped down the hole they'd shot out of earlier. Laa Laa
>did the same, then Po, then finally Tinky Winky. Now was it over?
>Apparently not. Dipsy poked his head back up. "Bye-bye," he said
>cheerfully.
>

Crow: All right already! Just leave!

>That was *it*. Kathryn let out a growl of frustration and muttered a
>sharp command to the computer. Tom looked at her in alarm as a
>compression phaser rifle materialised in her hands.
>

Crow: Katherine Janeway, ex-postal worker.

>"What Captain do?"
>
>She gave him an icy glare and loaded the rifle emphatically. "Time
>for tubby bye-bye, Lieutenant."
>

Mike: [Janeway] If I just shoot Dipsy, Jodie Foster will like me!

>Another command produced the teletubbies, tied to stakes in easy
>firing range. The crew emanated horrified silence.
>
>"Bye-bye Tinky Winky." The blue 'tubby collapsed with a smoking hole
>in his chest.
>

Mike: [TW, Hurriedly] I regret that I have only one life to live
for my country! Gaaah!

>"Bye-bye Dipsy."

Crow: [Dipsy] You can't do this! I'm in the actor's union! AHHHHH!!!!

> Laa Laa and Po grinned in concern as their 'friend'
>crumpled.
>

Mike : [Laa Laa] Well, they did always hog the bathroom...

>"Bye-bye Laa Laa." Their guts splattered quite nicely, Kathryn mused.
>

Tom : It is the Feebles! AIIIEEEEEE!!!!!
Mike: Calm down!

>"Bye-bye Po." The smallest of the teletubbies virtually exploded as
>the blast from the phaser rifle hit. Kathryn smirked in satisfaction
>and was about to turn when the teletubbies suddenly leapt up, holes
>and all.
>

Crow: George Romero's Night of the Tubbies!
Mike: Well, they might have just respawned...

>"Boo!"
>
>"Nooo!" she wailed. It wasn't fair!
>

Tom : Austin Powers had foiled her evil scheme, yet again.

>"Nooo," they mimicked. The sun burbled sarcastically.
>

Crow: Gee. Even the sun is against Janeway.
Mike: She's having a rough week.

>Suddenly the narrator spoke again. "The crew of the Voyager
>wanted to attack their captain."
>

Crow: Then they wanted to attack Roger Lodge for his performance
on the Soup.

>"What?!" Kathryn stared upwards, then at the crew.
>
>"Oh," said the Doctor, in a frighteningly childish tone.

All : WHAT?
Crow: Dragging Picardo into this like that! How dare you?
Mike: How can you live with yourself, Sasscat?

> "'Tack the
>cap'ain." They chorused the phrase for several minutes, emphasising
>it with overacted scowls and menacing actions, while the vacuum
>cleaner scooted up to Kathryn's side with the same worried look. Tom
>gave her a friendly smile as he told the computer to give him a phaser
>rifle and disengage the safeties.
>

Mike: Phaser control groups began to write letters of protest to UPN
for glamorizing the use of phasers.

>"The Doctor attacked the captain," the voice narrated. The fellow
>hologram looked surprised for a moment as the rest of the crew turned
>to look at him.
>
>"'Tack, 'tack," he repeated, and smiled as Tom handed him the rifle.

Crow: Tak? Have we crossed over to _Desperation_ now?

>"'Tack." Kathryn unfroze and dived out of the way as he lifted the
>rifle and fired. Gods, this had to be a nightmare, one of those
>really bad ones that make you flinch for days.

Mike: She turned, and Marrissa Picard waved at her.
Crow: A really, really, really, really bad dream that would
make her flinch for days.

> She looked around
>wildly for some sort of cover, realising that she'd dropped her rifle
>avoiding the Doctor's shot.
>
>Chakotay looked about to object as the voice said, "Tom attacked the
>captain," then apparently realised his turn would come.
>

Tom : UPN would give him a series too, just like the one they
gave Terry Farrell.

>Kathryn suddenly realised they were going to go through this *one
>hundred and forty-six times*. A hundred and forty-five; B'Elanna was
>in Engineering. Yeah, like one person would make any difference.

Mike: I see that Janeway needs to have a talk with the Soul Hunter.

>Luck had saved her from one shot; could she evade another?
>
>Apparently so, although Chakotay's grazed her shoulder. Ow, ow, ow,
>that was *hot*. Part of her hoped they were deliberately missing, but
>from the brainwashed grins on their faces she somehow doubted it.
>

Crow: Obviously, they're still peeved at that "Night" episode.

>"Computer, a personal shield strong enough to withstand compression
>phaser rifle fire, *now*!"

Tom : A pretty red, white, and blue adamantium shield appeared in
her hand.
Mike: Steve Rogers quickly filed suit for copyright infringement.

> It appeared in her hand and she activated
>it just in time to avoid becoming a smear for Naomi Wildman to wipe
>on her face.
>
>"Harry attacked the captain."

Mike: KILL JANEWAY WITH SWORD.
Tom : The Janeway takes a fatal blow and slumps to the floor dead.
Almost as soon as the Janeway breathes her last breath, a cloud
of sinister black fog envelops her, and when the fog lifts, the
carcass has disappeared.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

>
>"End program," she commanded desperately, flinching slightly as the
>shield flared from Harry's attack. "End *program*, dammit!"
>
>"Tuvok attacked the captain."
>

Tom : Tuvok was a victim of peer pressure.

>The shield flared and died as Tuvok's precise shot hit it. *She'd* be
>dead in a minute if she didn't think of something. This was one of
>those things they'd never covered in Command School.
>

Mike: Actually, they did cover it at the Academy.
Tom : It was in the class just after "What to do
if your buddy Finnegan suddenly appears out of
nowhere and tries to beat you up" class.

>"The crew of the Voyager wanted to *kill* their captain."
>
>Kathryn cut short a hysterical laugh. Hadn't they just been trying to
>do that for the last five minutes?
>

Mike: Janeway! Just turn on God Mode already.
Crow: Yeah! Stop dragging this out!

>"The Doctor killed the captain."
>

Tom : Violating the Hippocratic Oath.

>"Computer, override command-one EMH-alpha and end program," she tried.
>The Doctor shimmered into temporary non-existence, buying her some
>time.
>
>"But the captain deactivated the Doctor first."
>
>"Eh oh," the crew chorused. "Cap'ain deakkivate Dokka."
>

Crow: The Captain deactivated Dockers? Who wears Dockers on
Voyager?

>"The crew killed their captain together."
>

Mike: Ah. The dreaded Voyager Crew Rush.

>"Kill cap'ain *together*," Chakotay declared. "Kill kill kill tubby
>tubby tubby tubby tubby."
>

Tom : Ahhhh!!! [sobbing] o/~ Meet the Tubbies! Meet the
Tubbies! They're not your average, ordinary, er, Tubbies! o/~

>"Kill kill kill tubby tubby tubby tubby tubby," Tom repeated. The
>rest of the crew took up the chant. "Kill kill kill tubby tubby tubby
>tubby tubby."
>

Mike: Well, it's nice, but it's not as good as Data's "Life Forms"
song from "Generations."

>Tom flashed her an "Isn't this fun?" grin as the crowd advanced.
>"Time for tubby bye-bye..."
>
>
> |
> _|_
> /\/ \/\
> \_ _/
> \___/
>

Tom : When Gotham City is threatened, Commissioner Gordon fires up
the Tubby signal!

> THE END
>

[Silence]
Tom : Well...
Mike: Uh.
Crow: So.
[A moment more of silence.]
Crow: That was an upbeat ending.
Mike: Thank goodness that it wasn't an X-Files story. Then it
would ended with someone's head being bashed in with a
ballpeen hammer.
Tom : Let's get out of here. Fast.

[Mike picks up Tom, and they quickly scamper out of the theater.]

[1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . ]

[The Bridge of the SoL]
[The Tubbies are marching around the Bridge, singing a song.
Unforunately, the song seems to consist only of the words,
"Teletubbies!" The Tubbies don't seem to mind though. The
same can't be said of Mike, Crow, and Tom, who stand
behind the Tubbies, aghast.]
Tubbies: o/~ Teletubbies! Teletubbies! o/~
[The Tubbies continue to march and sing.]
Crow: Wow.
Tom : Yeah.
Crow: This is bizarre.
Mike: Have either of you two ever ridden the "Small World"
ride?
[The Tubbies begun to sing a Tubby version of "It's a
Small World After All."]
Crow: No.
Tom : Me neither.
Mike: It's a lot like this.
Tom : Still, it is fairly "exciting."
[Crow and Mike stare at Tom for a moment.]
Crow: Tom, we're going to shun you again.
[Mike and Crow step over to the left side of the Bridge.
The camera follows.]
Crow: So, how long are we going to suffer through this?
Mike: Probably until the next Tubby sign.
Crow: And if Tubby sign never comes?
Mike: Well, I had a friend who was once trapped on the
Small World ride for six hours. When he came out,
he'd forgotten how to eat solid foods.
Crow: Great. Can I go warm up my chainsaw, just in case?
[The camera pulls back, and we see that the Castle Light
is flashing. ]
Mike: Let's see what Pearl wants first.
[Mike hits the light.]

[Castle Forrester]
[Pearl stands in the foreground, still clad in fatigues.]
Pearl: Hello again, Mike. Those children's show people
are still besieging us here and well, it's really
getting on my nerves. I'm even beginning to consider
things that I really shouldn't...

[SoL]
Mike: You mean, like letting us down from here?

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: [Laughing] Yeah, right. [Sobering up] No, I mean, I
agreed to one of Bobo's suggestions. I'll let him tell
you about it. I'm going to wash my hands. I feel
unclean, somehow.
[Bobo walks into view.]
Bobo: Hello Mike! I had a thought the other day. "Say!" I
said, "We've sent Mike hundreds of these stories and
he's never broken down yet. Maybe he's become immune
to bad entertainment..."

[SoL]
Mike: So, since I'm immune, you'll be letting me down then,
right?

[Castle Forrester]
Bobo: [Laughing] Oh, suuure Mike. No, I thought, since you're
immune, maybe we should try to break people before they
become adults. And when the Tubbies showed up, bingo.
Perfect test subjects. So, we're going to send them
into the theater.

[SoL]
Crow: You fiend!
Mike: Have you not an ounce of human decency left in you?
Tom : [O.S.] Shake it, Po!
Mike: [To Crow] Go sedate him, or something.
Crow: I'll get the clown hammer.
[Crow exits to the right.]

[Castle Forrester]
Bobo: [Puzzled] Mike, I'm not human, remember? I am a
Mountain Gorilla! Proud descendent of Chi...
[The camera pulls back to show Observer and Pearl glaring
at Bobo.]
Bobo: Oops. Heh-heh. Anyway, off to the theater, Tubbies!

[SoL]
Mike: Um, they've got Tubby sign. I guess.
[The lights flash, and the Tubbies stumble off into the theater.]

[6 . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . ]

[The Tubbies shamble into the theater and sit down in the aisle.
After a moment or two, Mike's silhouette appears in the theater
and guides the Tubbies into the seat. Mike exits, and the
text begins to scroll.]

>(Nature documentary guy voice)
>
>Today,we will be examining

Dipsy: Zaminin!

> the televisius tubbarius. Better known as
>Tele-tubbies.

All : Eh-oh Tubbies!

> Here in their natural evirons

T-W: Where evons?

> of a make believe
>world,the tubbies need no natural defenses

Po: Heh-heh! Phences!

> as there are no predators
>here.

All : Eh-oh pedaters!

[The scene quickly shifts to Castle Forrester, where Pearl and her
associates are watching the experiment with looks of horror on
their face.]
Pearl: [To Bobo, angrily] They're riffing the story!
Observer: Not very well though.
Bobo: No, they're not riffing it! They think that the Tubbies
on the screen are actual Tubbies! Give it a chance, Lawgiver!
[Pearl stares at Bobo for a long moment, then speaks.]
Pearl: All right. We'll give it a few more minutes.

[Back to the theater.]

> As you can imagine,

Laa Laa: 'Magin!

> a good predator could make quick work of
>these overly cute abominations.

All: Eh oh!

> And,as otherwise we would be forced to
>watch their happy care-free lives,

Po: Pappy air-fee 'ife!

> we have introduced such a predator.

Laa-Laa: 'Oey 'Utteyfuto!

>The bengal tiger.

Dipsy: Eh-oh! Iger!

> Here we see the tiger

Po: Eh-oh! Iger!
All : Eh-oh! Iger! Iger!
[The shouts of 'Eh-oh! Iger, Iger, Iger!' continue, drowning out the
narration.]

[Castle Forrester.]
Pearl: Bobo!! End this fiasco! NOW!
Bobo: Yes Lawgiver.

[Back in the theater, Mike appears and shoos the Tubbies out of
the theater. The door sequence begins.]

[1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . ]

[SoL]
[Mike and the bots are trying hard to suppress grins. They're
not doing well.]
Crow: That went well. [Snicker]
Tom: Yeah, [snort] it. . . sure . . . did. . .
[Tom and Crow break out into fits of laughter.]
Mike: [Grinning] So..., what now?

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Stow it Mike. Brain guy, get the next piece ready for
Mike. I've got business to take care of. Bobo, have
you ever been eaten alive by fire ants?
Bobo: Why no, Lawgiver. I haven't... yipe!
[Bobo rushes offscreen with Pearl in hot pursuit.]

[SoL]
Mike: Hey Observer? Since the experiments aren't working on
anyone up here, why don't you just let us go, okay?

[Castle Forrester]
Observer: [Laughing] Michael, Michael, Michael. Not a chance.
Enjoy your next story! It's another crossover! Heh-heh-heh.

[SoL]
Mike: Well, I tried.
Crow: Great. We still have Tubby Sign though!
All : Ahhhh! Tubby Sign!

[They hit the lights, and the door sequence begins again.]