Servo says read
ike...@interserv.com
two minutes to read if you have ever thought "How could I make
some serious cash in a hurry???" , or been in serious debt, ready
to do almost anything to get the money needed to pay off those
bill collectors. So grab a snack, a warm cup of coffee, or a glass
of your favorite beverage, get comfortable and listen to this
interesting, exciting find!
Let me start by saying that I FINALLY FOUND IT! That's right!
I found it! And I HATE GET RICH QUICK SCHEMES!! I hate those
schemes like multi-level marketing, mail-order schemes, envelope
stuffing scams, 900 number scams... the list goes on forever. I
have tried every darn get rich quick scheme out there over the
past 12 years. I somehow got on mailing lists for people looking
to make money (more like 'desperate stupid people who will try
anything for money!'). Well, when I was a teenager, these
claims to 'get me rich quick' sounded irresistible! I would shell
out $14.95 here, $29.95 there, $24.95 here, and another $49.95
there. I had maxed out my new Circuit City Card AND my Visa...I
was desperate for money!! So, I gave them all a chance but
failed at every one of them! Maybe they worked for some people,
but not for me. Eventually, I just tossed that JUNK MAIL in the
trash when I got the mail. I recognized it right away. I can
smell a money scam from a mile away these days, SO I THOUGHT....
I thought I could sniff out a scam easily. WAS I WRONG!!
...I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!
I was scanning thru a NEWSGROUP and saw an article stating to
GET CASH FAST!! I thought..."Here on the Internet?? Well, I'll
just have to see what schemes could possibly be on the internet."
The article described a way to MAIL A ONE DOLLAR BILL TO ONLY
FIVE PEOPLE AND MAKE $50, 0000 IN CASH WITHIN 4 WEEKS! Well,
the more I thought about it, the more I became very curious. Why?
Because of the way it worked AND BECAUSE IT WOULD ONLY COST ME
FIVE DOLLARS (AND FIVE STAMPS), THAT'S ALL I EVER PAY....EVER!!
Ok, so the $50,000 in cash was maybe an tough amount to reach,
but it was possible. I knew that I could at least get a return
of $1,000 or so. So I did it!! As per the instructions in the
article, I mailed out ('snail mail'for you e-mail fanatics) a
single dollar bill to each of the five people on the list that
was contained in the article. I included a small note, with the
dollar, that stated "Please Add Me To Your List." I then removed
the first position name of the five names listed and moved
everyone up one position, and I put my name in position five of
the list. This is how the money starts rolling in! I then took
this revised article now with my name on the list and REPOSTED IT
ON AS MANY NEWSGROUPS AND LOCAL BULLETIN BOARD
MESSAGE AREAS THAT I KNEW. I then waited to watch the money
come in...prepared to maybe receive about $1000 to $1500 in cash or
so....
But what a welcome surprise when those envelopes kept coming in!!! I
knew what they were as soon as I saw the return addresses from people
all over the world-Most from the U.S., but some from Canada, even
some from Australia! I tell you, THAT WAS EXCITING!! So how
much did I get in total return? $1000? $5000? Not even!!! I
received a total of $23,343!!! I couldn't believe it!!
I now have a brand new black Acura Integra to speak for, due
to this!! Now after almost 8 months, I am ready to do it again!!!
So maybe it was possible to get $50,000 in cash, I don't know,
but IT COMPLETELY DEPENDS ON YOU, THE INDIVIDUAL! You
must follow through and repost this article everywhere you can think
of! The more postings you achieve will determine how much cash
will arrive in your very own mailbox!! It's just too easy to
pass up!!!
Let's review the reasons why you should do this: The only
cost factors are for the five stamps, the 5 envelopes and the 5
one dollar bills that you send out to the listed names by snail
mail (US Postal Service Mail). Then just simply repost the
article (WITH YOUR NAME ADDED) to all the newsgroups and local
BBS's you can. Then sit back and, (ironically), enjoy walking
(you can run if you like! :o ) down your driveway to your
mailbox and scoop up your rewards!! We all have five dollars to
put into such an easy effortless investment with SPECTACULAR
REALISTIC RETURNS OF $15,000 to $25,000 in about 3-5 weeks! So
HOLD OFF ON THOSE LOTTERY NUMBERS FOR TODAY,EAT AT
HOME TONIGHT INSTEAD OF TAKEOUT FROM McDONALDS AND
INVEST FIVE DOLLARS IN THIS AMAZING MONEY MAKING SYSTEM
NOW!!! YOU CAN'T LOSE!!
So how do you do it exactly, you ask? I have carefully
provided the most detailed, yet straight forward instructions on
how to easily get this underway and get your cash on its way.
SO, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME CASH!!!?? HERE WE GO!!!
*** THE LIST OF NAMES IS AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE. ***
OK, Read this carefully. Get a printout of this information,
if you like, so you can easily refer to it as often as needed.
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Take a sheet of paper and write on it the following:
"Please add my name to your list". This creates a service out
of this money making system and thus making it completely legal.
You are not just randomly sending a dollar to someone, you are
paying one dollar for a legitimate service. Make sure you
include your name and address. I assure you that, again, this
is completely legal! For a neat little twist, also write what
slot their name was in: "You were in slot 3", Just to add a
little fun! This is all about having fun and making money at
the same time!
2. Now fold this sheet of paper around a dollar bill ,(no
checks or money orders), and put them into an envelope and send
it on its way to the five people listed. The folding of the
paper around the bill will insure its arrival to its recipient.
THIS STEP IS IMPORTANT!!
3. Now listen carefully, here's where you get YOUR MONEY COMING
TO YOUR MAILBOX. Look at the list of five people; remove the
first name from position one and move everyone on the list up
slot one on the list. Position 2 name will now move to the
position 1 slot , position 3 will now become position 2, 4 will
be be 3, 5 wil be 4. Now put your name, address, zipcode AND
COUNTRY in position 5, the bottom position on the list.
4. Now upload this updated file to as many newsgroups and local
bulletin boards' message areas & file section as possible. Give
a catchy description of the file so it gets noticed!! Such as:
"NEED FAST CASH?, HERE IT IS!" or "NEED CASH TO PAY OFF
YOUR DEBTS??", etc. And the more uploads, the more money you
will make, and of course, the more money the others on the list will
make too. LET'S ALL TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER BY BEING
HONEST AND BY PUTTING FORTH 120 PERCENT INTO THIS PROFITABLE & AMAZING
SYSTEM!!! You'll reap the benefits, believe me!!!
Set a goal for the number of total uploads you'll post, such as
15-20 postings or more! Always have a goal in mind!!! If you can UUE
encode the file when uploading, that will make it easier for the
people to receive it and have it downloaded to their hard drive.
That way they get a copy of the article right on their computer without
hassles of viewing and then saving the article from the File menu.
Don't alter the file type, leave it as an MS-DOS Text file. The
best test is to be able to view this file using Microsoft's
Notepad for Windows 3.x or WordPad for Windows '95. If the margins
look right without making the screen slide left or right when at
the ends of the sentences, you're in business!
5. If you need help uploading, simply ask the sysop of the BBS,
or "POST" a message on a newsgroup asking how to post a file,
tell them who your Internet provider is and PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE
GLAD TO HELP. I would try to describe how to do it but there are
simply too many internet software packages with slightly different
yet relatively simple ways to post or upload a file. Just ask for
help or look in the help section for 'posting'. I do know that for
GNN, you simply select 'POST' then enter a catchy description
under the subject box, choose 'ATTACH', selecting 'UUE' and NOT
'TXT', then choose 'Browse' to go look for the file. Find your
text file CASH.TXT and click on it and choose 'OK'. Place a one
line statement in the main body section of the message post
screen. Something like "Download this to read how to get cash
arriving in your mailbox with no paybacks!" or whatever. Just make
sure it represents its true feasibility, NOT something like...
"Get one million dollars flooding in your mailbox in two days!"
You'll never get ANY responses!
6. And this is the step I like. JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY LIFE
BECAUSE CASH IS ON ITS THE WAY!! Expect to see a little money
start to trickle in around 2 weeks, but AT ABOUT WEEKS 3 & 4, THE
MONEY STORM WILL HIT YOUR MAILBOX!! All you have to do is take it
out of the mailbox and try not to scream too loud (outside anyway)
when you realize YOU HIT THE BIG TIME AT LAST!!
7. So go PAY OFF YOUR BILLS AND DEBTS and then get that something
special you always wanted or buy that special person in your life
(or the one you want in your life) a gift they'll never forget.
ENJOY LIFE!
8. Now when you get low on this money supply, simply re-activate
this file again; Reposting it in the old places where you
originally posted and possibly some new places you now know of.
Don't ever lose this file, always keep a copy at your reach for
when you ever need cash. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE TOOL THAT YOU
CAN ALWAYS RE-USE TIME AND TIME AGAIN WHEN CASH IS
NEEDED!
9. (This step added by Charles Reiley). Hello, This is exciting
isn't it?! While I'm on the list, just add a note saying "Please
include extra money tips" with your name & E-MAIL address, and I
will (FOR FREE) send you some neat methods to increase the money
you will receive with this plan. Why?... Why not? I'm not a selfish
jerk...I like helping out others. E-mail just makes it a touch
easier and cheaper, too! After I drop off the list, I can no
longer offer you this advice, obviously, but maybe someone else
who gets my tips will offer and simply replace my name on this step
number 9. Good luck and give this plan your all, it will definitely
pay off! Like Mike said, HAVE FUN WITH IT!!!
*******************************************************************
*******************************************************************
THE NAMES LIST THE NAMES LIST THE NAME LIST
*******************************************************************
* HONESTY IS WHAT MAKES THIS PROGRAM SUCCESSFUL!!!
*
* 1. Paul T. Ireland
* 4650 West Oakey Blvd. #2109
* Las Vegas, NV 89102-1522
* U.S.A.
*
* 2. Martha Torres
* 127 N. Kenwood st.
* Burbank, Ca 91505
*
* 3. Elizabeth Porrello
* P.O. Box 612
* Glenwood Landing, NY 11547-0612
* U.S.A.
*
* 4. Solon Patsias
* 3800 E 16th #106
* Wichita, KS 67208
* U.S.A
*
* 5. Ike Renner
* 13510 Chimney Sweep
* Houston, TX 77041
* U.S.A.
*
*****************************************************************
NOTE:
Try to keep a list of everyone that sends you a dollar and
always keep an eye on the local postings of this file...Just
to make sure that everyone is playing the game fairly. You know
where your name should be.....
AGAIN, HONESTY IS THE BEST THING WE HAVE GOING FOR
US ON THIS PLAN.
I know someone who did this and only got about $150 (and that's after two months).
Then he sent the 5 bills, people added him to their lists, and in 4-5 weeks he had
over $10000!
All the lists are re-distributed as soon as the money is received.
-Mike Dotson, Boulder, CO
Wrandom
could not let this one go. So I MSTied it. Enjoy!
~~ Wrandom
(Fade in, SOL, Mike is giving the bots a lecture)
MIKE: ...you just have to learn the value of money. It doesn't grow on
trees, you know... Oh, hi everyone. Welcome to the Sattelite of Love.
I'm Mike Nelson, and these are my pals Crow and Tom. They thought it
would
be fun to swipe my credit cards without asking and ring up some huge Home
Shopping Channel orders at my expense. Now, as I was saying, money
doesn't
grow on trees. Do you have any idea what I get paid? If Deep 13 had a
complaints department, why I'd..
TOM: But Mike, it was a one-time offer! Where else could you get an
authentic limited edition lithograph of a representation of the world as
seen through the eyes of Willard Scott?
CROW: Yeah! And there were only 30 seconds left to order in! They even
had a timer! We got through just in time.
(Gypsy enters with a huge sparkling bracelet around her hose)
MIKE: Gypsy, what is that?
GYPSY: Cubic zirconia and faux pearls. Tom got it for me!
TOM: Yeah! Only $59.99. I saved you a undle there, Mike.
MIKE: Well, (a button on the panel starts to flash) I'll deal with you
later. Martha and Stewart are calling. (Mike hits the button)
(D13)
DR. F: Hello there, Nelson! A little money trouble with your little
pals?
You know, Mother used to watch Home Shopping channels, before she ran off
with that laughing olive-skinned maniac from Escape 2000... but anyway.
You need not worry any longer, for I have found the solution to all your
financial
problems. It's a little post I picked up off of some usenet group
dedicated
to a puppet show or something. Enjoy!
(SOL)
MIKE: We've got Usenet sign!!
(Door sequence)
6....5....4....3....2....1
(Mike and the Bots enter the theater)
>Hello!
ALL: Hi!
>I've got some awesome news that I think you need to take
>two minutes to read if you have ever thought "How could I make
>some serious cash in a hurry???"
MIKE: "And how could I avoid it being traced back to me?"
>, or been in serious debt, ready to do almost anything to get the money
>needed to pay off those bill collectors.
CROW: Ready to kill again.
TOM: After "Final Notice," they start splitting kneecaps.
MIKE: Ouch.
>So grab a snack, a warm cup of coffee, or a glass
>of your favorite beverage,
TOM: Strychnine, if this lasts much longer.
MIKE: I hear you.
>get comfortable and listen to this interesting, exciting find!
> Let me start by saying that I FINALLY FOUND IT!
MIKE: And now that you've found it, what are you planning on doing with
it?
TOM: Saaay!
>That's right!
>I found it! And I HATE GET RICH QUICK SCHEMES!! I hate those
>schemes like multi-level marketing, mail-order schemes, envelope
>stuffing scams, 900 number scams... the list goes on forever.
CROW: And I hate myself!! I just can't stand me.
>I have tried every darn get rich quick scheme out there over the
>past 12 years.
>TOM: It's become my life's work.
>I somehow got on mailing lists for people looking
>to make money (more like 'desperate stupid people who will try
>anything for money!').
MIKE: This guy's lightning-sharp wit astounds me.
CROW: Now how do you suppose he got on that list?
> Well, when I was a teenager, these
>claims to 'get me rich quick' sounded irresistible!
TOM: I had no more time for school, girls, or a job. I needed to
get rich quick, dammit!
>I would shell
>out $14.95 here, $29.95 there, $24.95 here, and another $49.95
>there.
MIKE: But then I stopped collecting comic books.
TOM: That's 'Graphic Novels.'
MIKE: Sorry.
>I had maxed out my new Circuit City Card AND my Visa...I
>was desperate for money!!
CROW: I turned my attantion to that little old lady who walks past
my house every day.
>So, I gave them all a chance but failed at every one of them!
MIKE: I'm just a failure! (sob)
>Maybe they worked for some people,
>but not for me. Eventually, I just tossed that JUNK MAIL in the
>trash when I got the mail.
TOM: And sometimes when I didn't get the mail, I'd throw it out anyway!
And I'd go to other people's houses and throw theirs out!! And I'd..
CROW: Dammit Servo, this is NOT your personal war!!!
>I recognized it right away. I can smell a money scam from a mile
>away these days, SO I THOUGHT....
MIKE: ...I'D START ONE!!
>I thought I could sniff out a scam easily. WAS I WRONG!!
>...I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!
TOM: Especially alt.spam! Ohh, sweet fast cash...
>
> I was scanning thru a NEWSGROUP
ALL: Ah-haa!
> and saw an article stating to
>GET CASH FAST!! I thought..."Here on the Internet?? Well, I'll
>just have to see what schemes could possibly be on the internet."
CROW: And I looked at the message header, and it was MY ADDRESS!!
TOM: The posts are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!
BOTS: AAAAAHH!!!!
>The article described a way to MAIL A ONE DOLLAR BILL TO ONLY
>FIVE PEOPLE
MIKE: Those five people will just have to learn how to share that one
ollar bill.
>AND MAKE $50, 0000 IN CASH WITHIN 4 WEEKS! Well,
CROW: Hey Mike, is that 50,000 or 500,000 or..
MIKE: It's his funny way of saying zero.
>the more I thought about it, the more I became very curious. Why?
TOM: Why ask why?
>Because of the way it worked AND BECAUSE IT WOULD ONLY COST ME
>FIVE DOLLARS (AND FIVE STAMPS), THAT'S ALL I EVER PAY....EVER!!
TOM: ....EVER!
MIKE: ....EVER!!
CROW: ....EVER!!!
ALL: ....EVER!!!!
>
> Ok, so the $50,000 in cash was maybe an tough amount to reach,
>but it was possible.
TOM: Or not, I have been wrong before.
>I knew that I could at least get a return
>of $1,000 or so. So I did it!! As per the instructions in the
>article, I mailed out ('snail mail'for you e-mail fanatics)
CROW: Snail mai- oh, I get it! Aha ha ha ha..ahem.
>a single dollar bill to each of the five people on the list that
>was contained in the article. I included a small note, with the
>dollar, that stated
MIKE: "Please Send Me $50,000."
TOM: "I Know Where You Live."
CROW: "I Have Your Wife And Children."
>"Please Add Me To Your List." I then removed
>the first position name of the five names listed and moved
>everyone up one position, and I put my name in position five of
>the list.
TOM(singing) The Name Game! Let's Try Mike! Mike Mike bo Fike, Banana
Fanna fo Mike..
MIKE: Servo, don't make me hurt you.
>This is how the money starts rolling in! I then took
>this revised article now with my name on the list and REPOSTED IT
>ON AS MANY NEWSGROUPS AND LOCAL BULLETIN BOARD
>MESSAGE AREAS THAT I KNEW.
MIKE: Otherwise known as "Useless Spamming" or "Flame-Grabbing."
>I then waited to watch the money
>come in...prepared to maybe receive about $1000 to $1500 in cash or
>so....
>
>But what a welcome surprise when those envelopes kept coming in!!!
CROW: Unemployment checks! God bless 'em.
>I knew what they were as soon as I saw the return addresses from people
>all over the world-Most from the U.S., but some from Canada, even
>some from Australia!
MIKE: And some from the FBI, some from Interpol...
>I tell you, THAT WAS EXCITING!! So how
>much did I get in total return? $1000? $5000?
TOM: _Now_ how much would you pay?
>Not even!!! I received a total of $23,343!!! I couldn't believe it!!
MIKE: Funny, neither can I.
CROW: Uncanny!
>
> I now have a brand new black Acura Integra to speak for,
TOM: Since the Acura can't speak for itself.
>due to this!!
MIKE: This...and that share of Microsoft stock I bought in 1982.
>Now after almost 8 months, I am ready to do it again!!!
TOM: My gestation period is over!
MIKE: Tom...
>So maybe it was possible to get $50,000 in cash, I don't know,
>but IT COMPLETELY DEPENDS ON YOU, THE INDIVIDUAL!
MIKE: The force is in YOU, Luke!
TOM: YOU must avenge my death, Simba!
CROW: The entire free world is depending on YOU, Bond!
MIKE: YOU must save our village, MacGuyver!
CROW: Dammit Bones, YOU'VE got... to do... something!
>You must follow through and repost this article everywhere you can think
>of!
TOM: Spam away, it ain't my address!
>The more postings you achieve will determine how much cash
>will arrive in your very own mailbox!!
MIKE: Just multiply that number by zero!
> It's just too easy to pass up!!!
CROW: Not like that kidney stone. Woo, Nilly!
>
> Let's review the reasons why you should do this: The only
>cost factors are for the five stamps, the 5 envelopes and the 5
>one dollar bills
MIKE: Oh, and the FBI fines for mail fraud.
>that you send out to the listed names by snail
>mail (US Postal Service Mail). Then just simply repost the
>article (WITH YOUR NAME ADDED)
CROW: Gotta know where to send the bomb, after all.
> to all the newsgroups and local
>BBS's you can. Then sit back and, (ironically), enjoy walking
>(you can run if you like! :o )
CROW: You call that a smiley, soldier??? Drop and give me 20!!
>down your driveway to your
>mailbox and scoop up your rewards!!
TOM: Ed McMahon himself will send you one million dollars!
CROW: (McMahon voice) "You may already have added my name to your list!"
> We all have five dollars to
>put into such an easy effortless investment with SPECTACULAR
>REALISTIC RETURNS OF $15,000 to $25,000 in about 3-5 weeks!
MIKE: Hmm...15, 25, 3, and 5. Those sound like great lottery numbers!
> So HOLD OFF ON THOSE LOTTERY NUMBERS FOR TODAY,
MIKE: Aw, nuts.
>EAT AT HOME TONIGHT INSTEAD OF TAKEOUT FROM McDONALDS
TOM No Mickey-D's? What kinda crap is this??
>INVEST FIVE DOLLARS IN THIS AMAZING MONEY MAKING SYSTEM
>NOW!!! YOU CAN'T LOSE!!
CROW: MUCH!!
>
> So how do you do it exactly, you ask?
MIKE: Uhh... No.
>I have carefully
>provided the most detailed, yet straight forward instructions
TOM: Written in Japan,
>on how to easily get this underway and get your cash on its way.
>SO, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME CASH!!!??
MIKE: Sure, we all are!
BOTS: (Groan)
>HERE WE GO!!!
>
>*** THE LIST OF NAMES IS AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE. ***
>
>OK, Read this carefully. Get a printout of this information,
>if you like, so you can easily refer to it as often as needed.
CROW: Those of you without the ability to look back at this spot, anyway.
>
>INSTRUCTIONS:
>
>1. Take a sheet of paper and write on it the following:
MIKE: "Dear Abby."
TOM: "Single White Female."
CROW: "Please teaching me how to dowlnload thease pictures."
MIKE & TOM: Huh?
CROW: Usenet joke.
>"Please add my name to your list". This creates a service out
>of this money making system and thus making it completely legal.
MIKE: Except for the small fact that it's against the law.
>You are not just randomly sending a dollar to someone, you are
>paying one dollar for a legitimate service.
CROW: You are paying them to take your dollar!
TOM: Hey, I could do that!
>Make sure you
>include your name and address. I assure you that, again, this
>is completely legal!
MIKE: cough-cough-cough-mail-cough-fraud-cough-wheeze
>For a neat little twist,
TOM: Wear studded leather!
MIKE: Yeah, that...huh?
>also write what
>slot their name was in: "You were in slot 3", Just to add a
>little fun!
CROW: I know I always have lot's of fun whenever someone tells me
what slot I'm in.
>This is all about having fun and making money at
>the same time!
TOM: But without that annoying "making money" part.
>
>2. Now fold this sheet of paper around a dollar bill ,(no
>checks or money orders),
MIKE: And leave it under the yellow pages in the the phone booth
on 15th st. And COME ALONE!
>and put them into an envelope and send
>it on its way to the five people listed. The folding of the
>paper around the bill
CROW: Is an important step in this ritual. Now, form a doll
resembling your target...
>will insure its arrival to its recipient.
>THIS STEP IS IMPORTANT!!
>
>3. Now listen carefully, here's where you get YOUR MONEY COMING
>TO YOUR MAILBOX. Look at the list of five people; remove the
>first name from position one and move everyone on the list up
>slot one on the list.
CROW: How can we move them all to slot one?
MIKE: I think he means 'one slot.'
>Position 2 name will now move to the
TOM: Position two involves moving what? Where?
MIKE: Watch it, Servo!
>position 1 slot , position 3 will now become position 2, 4 will
>be be 3, 5 wil be 4. Now put your name, address, zipcode AND
>COUNTRY in position 5, the bottom position on the list.
CROW: And add just a pinch of rosemary.
>
>4. Now upload this updated file to as many newsgroups and local
>bulletin boards' message areas & file section as possible.
TOM: And then, as quickly as possible, close that email account,
move to another state, and start a new life.
>Give a catchy description of the file so it gets noticed!! Such as:
>"NEED FAST CASH?, HERE IT IS!" or
MIKE: "MARK THIS AUTOMATICALLY READ!"
CROW: "ADD THIS TO YOUR KILLFILE!"
> "NEED CASH TO PAY OFF
>YOUR DEBTS??", etc. And the more uploads, the more money you
>will make, and of course, the more money the others on the list will
>make too. LET'S ALL TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER BY BEING
>HONEST AND
TOM: (singing) smile on your brother, everybody get together, gotta
love one another right now...
>BY PUTTING FORTH 120 PERCENT INTO THIS PROFITABLE &
CROW: As if I didn't already doubt his mathematical skills enough.
>AMAZING SYSTEM!!! You'll reap the benefits, believe me!!!
MIKE: Both of them!
>Set a goal for the number of total uploads you'll post, such as
>15-20 postings or more!
TOM: And hope to God your server's Postmaster doesn't find out!
>Always have a goal in mind!!! If you can UUE
>encode the file when uploading, that will make it easier for the
>people to receive it and have it downloaded to their hard drive.
MIKE: Oh, now this is just getting pathetic.
>That way they get a copy of the article right on their computer without
>hassles of
CROW: Without the hassles of seeing what a scam it is, and reporting
it to your server while they're still online and angry.
>viewing and then saving the article from the File menu.
>Don't alter the file type, leave it as an MS-DOS Text file. The
>best test is to be able to view this file using Microsoft's
>Notepad for Windows 3.x or WordPad for Windows '95. If the margins
>look right without making the screen slide left or right when at
>the ends of the sentences, you're in business!
MIKE: And if you're on a Macintosh, you don't need money! Macintosh is
a symbol of financial secrity, you know.
CROW: Yeah, just sell the Macintrash.
*Author's note: This isn't meant to spark yet another IBM vs Mac war, so
kindly bite me. <g> Back to the MSTing.
MIKE: Who was that?
CROW: I dunno.
>
>5. If you need help uploading, simply ask the sysop of the BBS,
>or "POST" a message on a newsgroup asking how to post a file,
>tell them who your Internet provider is and PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE
>GLAD TO HELP.
TOM: After they flame the veins out of you, that is.
CROW: "I would like to post another get-rich spam to lots and lots of
newsgroups. Please show me how... and then tell me how to downloading
and viewing these pictures."
>I would try to describe how to do it but
MIKE: I don't know how either! Sad, really.
>there are
>simply too many internet software packages with slightly different
>yet relatively simple ways to post or upload a file. Just ask for
>help or look in the help section for 'posting'. I do know that for
>GNN,
TOM: (James Earl Jones voice) ...This is GNN.
>you simply select 'POST' then enter a catchy description
>under the subject box, choose 'ATTACH', selecting 'UUE' and NOT
>'TXT',
CROW: That's right, now move in for the kill...
>then choose 'Browse' to go look for the file. Find your
>text file CASH.TXT and click on it and choose 'OK'. Place a one
>line statement in the main body section of the message post
>screen. Something like "Download this to read how to get cash
>arriving in your mailbox with no paybacks!" or whatever. Just make
>sure it represents its true feasibility, NOT something like...
>"Get one million dollars flooding in your mailbox in two days!"
>You'll never get ANY responses!
>
>6. And this is the step I like. JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY LIFE
>BECAUSE CASH IS ON ITS THE WAY!! Expect to see a little money
>start to trickle in around 2 weeks, but AT ABOUT WEEKS 3 & 4, THE
>MONEY STORM WILL HIT YOUR MAILBOX!!
TOM: The carnage will be exquisite!
>All you have to do is take it
>out of the mailbox and try not to scream too loud (outside anyway)
MIKE: You might wake yourself up.
>when you realize YOU HIT THE BIG TIME AT LAST!!
>
>7. So go PAY OFF YOUR BILLS AND DEBTS and then get that something
>special you always wanted or buy that special person in your life
CROW: Where would one buy a special person? Do they have a coupon day?
>(or the one you want in your life) a gift they'll never forget.
>ENJOY LIFE!
MIKE: Don't you tell me what to do!
>
>8. Now when you get low on this money supply, simply re-activate
>this file again; Reposting it in the old places where you
>originally posted and possibly some new places you now know of.
>Don't ever lose this file,
TOM: Because if you break the chain, you are cursed!
>always keep a copy at your reach for
>when you ever need cash. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE TOOL THAT YOU
>CAN ALWAYS RE-USE TIME AND TIME AGAIN WHEN CASH IS
>NEEDED!
MIKE: AND GET THE SAME LACK OF RESULTS!
>
>9. (This step added by Charles Reiley).
CROW: CHARLES *NELSON* REILEY?
MIKE: I seriously doubt that.
>Hello, This is exciting
>isn't it?!
TOM: It has all the excitement of watching liver slide down a wall.
>While I'm on the list, just add a note saying "Please
>include extra money tips" with your name & E-MAIL address,
CROW: No!
>and I will (FOR FREE) send you some neat methods to increase the money
>you will receive with this plan. Why?... Why not? I'm not a selfish
>jerk...
MIKE: Just a stupid jerk.
>I like helping out others. E-mail just makes it a touch
>easier and cheaper, too! After I drop off the list, I can no
>longer offer you this advice, obviously, but maybe someone else
>who gets my tips will offer and simply replace my name on this step
>number 9.
CROW: Cambot! Give me Step Number 9!
>Good luck and give this plan your all, it will definitely
>pay off! Like Mike said, HAVE FUN WITH IT!!!
MIKE: I said no such thing!
>
>*******************************************************************
>*******************************************************************
>THE NAMES LIST THE NAMES LIST THE NAME LIST
>*******************************************************************
>* HONESTY IS
MIKE: The best policy!
TOM: A bowl of cherries!
CROW: A pit of Carkoon!
>WHAT MAKES THIS PROGRAM SUCCESSFUL!!!
>*
>* 1. Paul T. Ireland
>* 4650 West Oakey Blvd. #2109
CROW: Oakey?
TOM: Dokey!
MIKE: (groan)
>* Las Vegas, NV 89102-1522
MIKE: Oh, well that explains why he's so desperate for cash.
>* U.S.A.
>*
>* 2. Martha Torres
TOM: Martha Torres! She's that half-Klingon!
MIKE: No, that's B'Elanna Torres.
TOM: Geek check!!
BOTS: (laughing)
MIKE: (groan)
>* 127 N. Kenwood st.
>* Burbank, Ca 91505
CROW: You know, I went to the Burbank once. Donated a pint of Bur.
TOM: Oh, did it hurt?
CROW: Nah, it was no big deal.
>*
>* 3. Elizabeth Porrello
TOM: President of Porrello Tours! Come to Italy!
>* P.O. Box 612
>* Glenwood Landing,
CROW: That must be Glen Landing's full name.
>NY 11547-0612
>* U.S.A.
>*
>* 4. Solon Patsias
TOM: I had Solon Patsias once, had to put lotion on it. Itched like
crazy.
MIKE: Ewww.
>* 3800 E 16th #106
>* Wichita, KS 67208
>* U.S.A
>*
>* 5. Ike Renner
CROW: And Ike Stimpyer.
TOM: That was pushing it.
>* 13510 Chimney Sweep
MIKE: (cockney British accent) Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle,
best in all Westminster!
>* Houston,
CROW: We have a problem.
>TX 77041
>* U.S.A.
>*
>*****************************************************************
TOM: Jeez, it's April and this guy still has Christmas lights up.
>
>
>NOTE:
>Try to keep a list of everyone that sends you a dollar and
>always keep an eye on the local postings of this file...
MIKE: After all, someone has to read these things.
>Just
>to make sure that everyone is playing the game fairly. You know
>where your name should be.....
TOM: I know where *your* name should be...
>
>AGAIN, HONESTY IS THE BEST THING WE HAVE GOING FOR
>US ON THIS PLAN.
MIKE: Stark, raving honesty!
TOM: Devious, underhanded honesty!
CROW: Good-ol' fashioned American honesty!
>I know someone who did this and only got about $150 (and that's after two
>months).
>Then he sent the 5 bills, people added him to their lists, and in 4-5
weeks he had
TOM: Let's get outta here, guys.
MIKE: Gladly.
>over $10000!
>All the lists are re-distributed as soon as the money is received.
(Mike and the bots exit the theater)
>
>-Mike Dotson, Boulder, CO
>
1....2....3....4....5....6
(SOL, Servo is typing on a typewriter. Mike enters)
MIKE: (reading over Tom's shoulder) Please... add my name to your list?
Tom, you can't be serious! You don't really buy this stuff, do you?
TOM: Well, I thought I could, you know, make lots of money so Crow and me
could pay you back for the credit card bills.
MIKE: Aw, that's really nice... in fact, I think you've learned your
lesson.
Whaddya say we just call it even?
TOM: You mean it! Wow, thanks!
MIKE: By the way, where's Crow? I haven't seen him since the post.
TOM: He's... um... er..
(a light on the panel starts flashing)
MIKE: Hey, something's coming in on the Hexfield!
(Mike hits the button, the hexfield opens up to reveal the Home Shopping
Channel.)
MIKE: Hey, who tuned this in?
HOME SHOPPING HOSTESS: ...Bye-bye Esther, and enjoy your new walrus
polishing kit! And next on the line, we have a Mr. Robot. Hello Mr.
Robot, you're live with Dotti!
CROW: Dotti! Am I on the air?
DOTTI: You sure are! So what did you order?
(Mike runs off-screen)
CROW: I ordered the Multi-Super-Duper-Exo-Ninja Slice-O-Matic 2000 (R)!
DOTTI: Super! For only $89.95, it's the best slicer imaginable! Why,
it-
(A click is heard, then a dialtone)
DOTTI: Oh my... well it seems we lost Mr. Robot. We have many fine
products coming up in the next hour, so just stay tuned...
(The Hexfield closes. Mike walks on screen, dragging Crow by the beak.)
CROW: MMMMPH! MPHLE GRMPH!! MUMMLEFRG!
TOM: Hoo hah, you're in for it now buddy!
(A button on the panel starts flashing, Mike hits it with his free hand)
(D13)
DR. F: So, Nelson, are you rolling in the dough yet?
MIKE: Nope. That stuff is all a crock.
DR. F: Oh. That's too bad. You know, I get all your mail before you
do... are you sure you won't reconsider?
MIKE: Very sure.
DR. F: Until next time, then. Hmm. I'min a pretty bad mood. I know!
I'll plant a few trolls in the newsgroup I got this post from! Now, let's
see...
\ | /
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--POP--
/|\
/ | \
...Mike is better than Joel! That'll get 'em!