[MiSTed] Duty Now For The Future (by Devo) -- Part 1
Rbrav
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Studio/9125/mst3k.html
Part 1
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By Raul Gonzalez [Rb...@aol.com]
Additional author: Annnnnna [Tr...@mind.net]
[The S.O.L. Mike and Crow are standing next to Tom, who is scribbling on a
pad.]
TOM: Adjective.
MIKE: Poofy!
CROW: Fudge-arrific.
TOM: Fudge-arrific it is.
MIKE: Aw.
TOM: Ok. Noun.
CROW: Celery.
MIKE: Horseshoe.
CROW: Antenna.
MIKE: Bratwurst.
TOM: Bratwurst.
MIKE: Yes! I love Mad Libs.
TOM: Next... adverb.
MIKE: Smellily.
CROW: Repulsively.
MIKE: Loathsomely.
CROW: Erratically.
TOM: Bingo. Noun.
MIKE: Commercial.
TOM: How ironic.
[Break]
[The S.O.L. They're still at it.]
CROW: Traffic.
MIKE: Pidgeon.
CROW: Lava lamp.
MIKE: Spaghetti.
CROW: Nostril.
MIKE: Lira.
CROW: Scenery.
MIKE: Lambada.
CROW: Methane.
TOM: Methane it is.
MIKE: Hmph.
TOM: Verb.
CROW: Flay.
MIKE: Bloat.
CROW: Flabbergast.
MIKE: Irradiate.
CROW: Puncture.
MIKE: Galvanize.
CROW: Submerge.
MIKE: Spelunk.
CROW: Gargle.
TOM: Good one.
[The Mads sign flashes.]
MIKE: Well, there's Bill and Fossey...
DR. FORRESTER: Why, hello, Mike. Lovely day, isn't it? Oh wait, I forgot... you
don't have weather. So sorry.
MIKE: Well, there was that meteor shower a few hours ago...
DR. FORRESTER: As if I care. Now, I'm in a hurry because my drycleaning's
almost done. What's your invention?
MIKE: Well, I thought up a really great one this week. It's...
DR. FORRESTER: Too bad, mine's better. Now, this week, I'm sending you...
MIKE: But I didn't even get to show you my Roadkill First Aid Kit! I...
DR. FORRESTER: Shut up. My drycleaning's done, and I have to go get it. This
week, I'm sending you Step 2 of your de-evolution: Duty Now For The Future.
MIKE: Devo? Cool!
DR. FORRESTER: Oh crap, I forgot the effect wore off! Maybe if I set it to a
different frequency... Frank! Fetch me the Helmet O' Hate!
[TV's Frank brings him the helmet. He turns a dial on the side and presses a
button. There is a bright flash.]
MIKE: Devo? Again?
TOM: Argh!
CROW: Please don't do this to us! I'm sorry I sent you that mailbomb! Really!
DR. FORRESTER: Stop whining. Now bye!
[Music sign]
MIKE: We've got music sign!
TOM: Wait, I need one more noun... ah...
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]
>DEVO CORPORATE ANTHEM
TOM: "Corporate Anthem"? Devo sold out!
CROW: I wonder who actually bought them...
TOM: I doubt Microsoft needs a monopoly *that* badly.
MIKE: (announcer voice) In music news today, Devo sold out for an estimated $5
per member and a family size pepperoni pizza. Dozens of geeks and losers
across the country are dismayed.
>[instrumental]
CROW: Well, at least we don't have to listen to vocals for now.
TOM: Enjoy it while you can.
MIKE: Let's try to fall asleep.
TOM: This sounds like a funeral march. Who died?
MIKE: Apparently, the lead singer.
CROW: Good riddance.
MIKE: I've heard this before. Sounds like a TV theme...
CROW: Probably Mastergeek Theatre.
TOM: It's over? After a minute?
CROW: Do we hafta listen to him sing now?
>CLOCKOUT
TOM: I wish they hadn't clocked in to begin with.
>[drum roll]
TOM: (ringleader voice) And now, presenting the sideshow...
>All right!
TOM: Get ready...
CROW: Get set...
MIKE: 1... 2... 3...
ALL: SUCK!!!
>Clockout!
CROW: Does that mean we can leave?
>I got my coat
MIKE: The one he left peanut butter in the pockets of.
>I got my keys
TOM: I got my left hand! I got my...
MIKE: Hush, that's all over now.
>I got my head down to my lungs
>And move my feet
CROW: I'm really going to need a diagram to picture that.
TOM: Is this Devo or Clive Barker?
MIKE: He's also got his thighs down to his toes and his pinkies down to his
kneecaps.
>Me, I got all the secretaries
TOM: Devo? Near women? There's something wrong with this picture...
CROW: Did you just figure that out now?
>Down on their knees
TOM: Oh please GOD stop singing!!
>Look at 'em scoot
CROW: Aren't they precious?
>They gonna clockout
MIKE: They go home early. They come in late.
>I got my money
CROW: He hasn't spent his $5 yet.
>Tied up in stock
TOM: Let's see... Euro-Disney... ValuJet... some Taiwanese businesses... there
we go.
>I got my mammy
MIKE: All slapped.
>Take my doggie for a walk
TOM: Bite him! Bite Devo!
>Me, I got the biggest little business
CROW: Devo's Auto Parts.
>Down on the block
MIKE: At this rate, we'll be the smallest company around!
>Get ready get set
TOM: Brace yourself...
>'Cause we gonna clockout
MIKE: Yeah, I'd like to clock something, all right.
>Down on all fours
CROW: Geez, this song's kinky.
>'Cause we gonna
>We gonna
CROW: We gonna *what*?
MIKE: Oh, the anticiii...
TOM: ...pation...
>We gonna
TOM: Calm down, take your time. Now, where were we?
>We gonna clockout!
CROW: Oh, yeah. That.
TOM: There, doesn't it feel better, getting that out of your system?
MIKE: I'd sure like to get Devo out of my system. As it is, I've lost half my
brain cells in this past 4 minutes or so.
>Take my advice
CROW: Buy high, sell low. No, wait...
>Hear my decree
TOM: ('proclaiming' voice) You shall care... for no song... on this album...
>I'm afraid the future's gonna be
CROW: With us still around.
TOM: I'm scared, Mike. Hold me.
MIKE: Uhm...
>Maintenance free
TOM: Will the future also have the fresh scent of pine?
>I got the big brush for your bowl
CROW: A toothbrush for a toilet bowl.
MIKE: I'm sure Devo got a lot of demerits during military service.
TOM: Devo was in the military? No wonder we screwed up Vietnam.
>Baby can't you dig my plea
CROW: Ooh, he's babbling again.
MIKE: At least it's not about fruit ooze...
>Gonna gag
TOM: Beat you to that.
>Unless we clockout
CROW: I'm about to black out.
>[weird synth noises]
TOM: Darn, the phone's still busy.
>No, no, no
MIKE: (sobbing) No... no...
>TIMING X
CROW: At least we missed the first 9 Timings.
>[instrumental]
TOM: You know, so far two out of three songs have been instrumentals. I'd say
that's a pretty good sign.
CROW: Ooh, Kraftwerk gets stoned.
TOM: Hey! Drums and a guitar! Blasphemy!
MIKE: I hope they have some more instrumentals later on.
TOM: And we haven't heard the background singers yet. This album may not be so
bad...
>WIGGLY WORLD
MIKE: Say wha?
TOM: My mistake.
>[music starts]
MIKE: No, I'd say *this* is Kraftwerk stoned, except that this also has
guitars...
CROW: And Kraftwerk had talent...
>They say the fittest shall survive
CROW: Does that mean that Dan Quayle's actually fit?
TOM: A million years of evolution.
>Yet the unfit may live
TOM: Devo being a prime example of this.
CROW: Silly Darwin.
>Let 'em wear gaudy colors or avoid display
MIKE: Or just drop anvils on their heads.
TOM: Hey, this *is* Warner... home of Bugs Bunny...
CROW: Anvils! I want anvils!
>Hey it don't matter
CROW: Nope, it sure don't.
MIKE: Grammar, that is.
>It's all the same
TOM: Yup, so far every one of these songs is worse than Hanson.
CROW: That takes skill.
>So I do this and I do that
MIKE: You do *what*? This is radio!
CROW: Yeah, I bet this song got a lot of airplay.
>So I do this and I do that
TOM: He does this and he does that...
>So I do this and I do that
MIKE: Can you do that on television?
>So I do this and I do that
CROW: Oh, thanks. That makes it much clearer.
>-It's never straight up and down
TOM: Oh no!
MIKE: Not them...
>-It's never straight up and down
CROW: I though Warner sprayed for these guys after the first album!
TOM: Shoo. Go 'way.
MIKE: Oh, the horror...
>-It's never straight up and down
CROW: It's moving again.
TOM: Call the janitor.
>It's never straight up and down
TOM: Sometimes, it gets diagonal, y'know...
MIKE: Or it just runs around in circles.
>Oh you got a nickel
CROW: Ooh, shiny.
>I got a dime
TOM: He's actually a few cents short of a dime.
CROW: Can you say half-cent?
MIKE: I have a Susan B. Anthony dollar...
>I'd like ta get ta know ya
TOM: He sounds like a stalker.
>But I haven't got the time
MIKE: And besides, I don't wanna get to know you.
>You gotta walk like a mannequin
CROW: Yeah, let's watch that movie instead of listening to this.
>Roll like a tire
TOM: Float like a blimp.
MIKE: Actually, here, it'd be sink like a stone.
>Act on reaction
CROW: Toss this album out the window before opening it.
MIKE: All hail Dave Marsh.
>Dodge the big spud fryer
MIKE: I had a dream like that back when I worked at Burger King.
TOM: So that's what's up with their fries, right?
CROW: Well, when you've got Mr. Potato Head advocating cannibalism...
>Wiggle on the bottom
TOM: This is the bottom, all right.
>Wiggle on the top
CROW: (singing) Wiggle 'til you're high, wiggle 'til you're higher, wiggle 'til
you vomit fire!
MIKE and TOM: What?
CROW: Dylan.
MIKE: Oh. Crank up that turntable, yessir.
>Wiggle up the middle and laugh a lot
CROW: (forced laughter noises)
TOM: Wiggle till milk shoots out of your nose.
>Cause I been living in a wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
CROW: I bet Ralph Wiggum likes these guys.
>-Wiggly world
MIKE: I wonder how long these guys spent sniffing their Magic Markers.
>I gotta tell ya I've been living in a wiggly world, now
CROW: What I'd give for an adjectiveless world.
>-Wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
TOM: I'm beginning to get the feeling that he's living in a wiggly world.
Crazy, huh?
>Well I been living in a wiggly world
MIKE: Shut up and send a postcard.
>-Wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
>I gotta tell ya I've been living in a wiggly world
CROW: Quiet, you.
>-Wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
TOM: Maybe he needs Dramamine.
MIKE: I know *I* do!
>-Wiggle wiggle wiggle
TOM: I wish I had a verb blank left.
>-Wiggle wiggle wiggle
CROW: Grown men are singing "Wiggle wiggle wiggle". This is a sign of the
Apocalypse.
>-Wiggle wiggle wiggle
>-Wiggle wiggle wiggle
CROW: It's drownout time again...
TOM: La la la la la...
>Hey, I've been living in a wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly world
MIKE: I think I'm gonna get myself a lobotomy when this is all over.
>-Wiggly world
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly world
CROW: Does it rain gummi worms there?
>-Wiggly world
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly world
TOM: (stoner voice) Man, the world is *wiggling*...
MIKE: There's been a heavy emphasis on drugs this album.
>-Wiggly world
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly world
CROW: Sounds like the drummer is really straining back there.
TOM: I'm surprised his arms didn't fall off after that second song.
>-Wiggly world
CROW: Parallel dimension?
MIKE: I bet Devo owns a TechnoDrome.
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
TOM: Man, at least the movies don't repeat like this...
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly world
>-Wiggly world
>Well, I've been living in a wiggly, wiggly world!
CROW: Mike, can I have a wiggly world?
MIKE: Not until you're older.
>BLOCKHEAD
TOM: Head like a block, all right.
MIKE: No, more like brain like a block...
>[music starts]
CROW: What is this? 11/8?
TOM: Gaah.
>Never leaves a gap
CROW: Help! Help! I'm trapped in the Gap!
>Unfilled
TOM: Unleaded.
MIKE: Uneducated.
CROW: Uninspired.
>Always pays on time
MIKE: Well, they say time is money, so I guess it's ok to pay in time.
>Always fits the bill
CROW: With what? Clothing?
TOM: You know, gas bills look really cute when you put sweaters on 'em.
>He comes well prepared
MIKE: Does he have earplugs on?
>Cube top
CROW: Wait a minute! He's wearing a *tube top*? Eeew.
TOM: I'd have stuck with the sweater.
MIKE: Gee, if you're stuck in the Gap, at least buy something decent.
CROW: Don't forget, this band wears yellow plastic from head to toe.
>Squared off
TOM: Like a chopping block?
>Eight corners
CROW: Hm. Needs trimming.
>90-degree angles
MIKE: At least he's a good cube.
>Flat top
TOM: Isn't that a Dick Tracy bad guy?
CROW: (young Ned Flanders) I'm Dick Tracy! Take that, Pruneface! Now I'm
Pruneface! Take that, Dick Tracy! Now I'm Prune Tracy! Take that...
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: Hehe...
>Stares straight ahead
MIKE: (hypnotized voice) Devo... melting brain... can't concentrate... must...
stare into space...
>Stock parts
CROW: Yup! We've got all your parts stocked at Devo's Auto Parts!
>Blockhead
MIKE: Gee, last album he was a mongoloid.
CROW: What is it with this band?
TOM: I think they're jealous.
>Never tips over
TOM: Uh-oh. He took so much LSD that he thinks he's a glass of orange juice. If
he tips over, he'll break and spill.
CROW: What?
MIKE: I heard that actually happened to somebody.
>Stands up on his own
CROW: Well, lookit that! He's bipedal.
TOM: Good li'l rugrat, ain't he?
>He is a blockhead
MIKE: We're blockheads all...
>Thinking man full grown
CROW: ..sniff... seems like just yesterday he was learning to stand up... they
grow so fast...
>He comes well prepared
TOM: Dandruff shampoo?
MIKE: Check.
TOM: Pencil sharpener?
MIKE: Check.
TOM: Nose hair trimmer?
MIKE: Uh... check...
>Cube top
CROW: C'mon, do a sphere...
>Squared off
TOM: Why 'squared off'?
MIKE: I suppose it'd be hard to be 'triangled off'.
>Eight corners
TOM: It's a Magic 8-Block!
>90-degree angles
CROW: Now do an acute angle...
>Flat top
MIKE: No room for a brain.
>Stares straight ahead
TOM: ...shiny, shiny headlights...
>Snake eyes
CROW: Isn't he from G.I. Joe?
>Blockhead
MIKE: Well, they remembered the song title...
>[guitar solo]
TOM: Where's Hendrix when you need him?
MIKE: Hendrix? Where's Hinckley when you need him?
CROW: I think he's a few albums later.
>Flat top
CROW: They're singing this again?
TOM: Wow, two drownouts in a row.
>Stares straight ahead
>Stock parts
TOM: Stock parts, or ignore your inventory. It don't matter, it's all the same!
Right? RIGHT?
MIKE: Uh-oh...
>Blockhead
CROW: La la la...
>Never tips over
>Stands up on his own
TOM: Must... keep... proper... equilibrium...
>He is a blockhead
CROW: That he is.
MIKE: I want the mongoloid back.
TOM: You just want the mongoloid women.
MIKE: Stop that.
>Thinking man full grown
ALL: (humming something else)
>He comes well prepared
>Cube top
>-Blockhead
CROW: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
>Squared off
>-Blockhead
TOM: I bet the backup singers wrote this part.
CROW: They should write more of this. That way, I could fall asleep properly.
>Eight corners
>-Blockhead
CROW: Tom... if I don't survive this awful, awful, tape, I want you to... to...
TOM: Eat you?
CROW: No! To paint my tombstone purple.
TOM: Oh. Ok.
MIKE: Actually, Crow, I already sold you to Brake-O.
CROW: Damn. Well, as long as it's not Devo's Auto Parts.
>90-degree angles
MIKE: Hey, the background singers forgot!
CROW: Woo-hoo!
>Flat top
>-Blockhead
CROW: D'oh!
>Stares straight ahead
>-Blockhead
>Snake eyes
>-Blockhead
MIKE: I wonder if he'd be a good paperweight.
>Blockhead
>-Blockhead
TOM: Echo?
>Cube top
>-Blockhead
CROW: (singing along) Steak fries!
>Squared off
>-Blockhead
CROW: Free drinks!
>Eight corners
>-Blockhead
CROW: Bad breath!
>90-degree angles
CROW: Ma... oops.
>Flat top
>-Blockhead
CROW: Scalp itch!
>Stares straight ahead
>-Blockhead
CROW: Tight pants!
>Snake eyes
>-Blockhead
CROW: Bug bites!
>Blockhead
>-Blockhead
CROW: Strobe light!
TOM: Well, that was gruesome.
>STRANGE PURSUIT
MIKE: It's at strange as strange can be, y'know.
>Intersecting love lines
CROW: Form alternate interior love angles.
TOM: Who dubbed this the geometry album?
MIKE: Just as long as we don't have to do proofs.
>Drew us closer every day
MIKE: Aren't you supposed to use 1-800-COLLECT for that?
CROW: Who would accept a collect call from Devo?
TOM: Toni Basil.
>Always kept your distance
CROW: Those radioactive suits kinda make people think there's a problem,
y'know.
>When you felt my presence near you
TOM: You don't ever want to bump into Devo while walking down the sidewalk.
>Love keeps on rolling over
CROW: Yeah, and Love also hogs the blankets.
>You'd fly in retreat
TOM: Three tickets to Anywhere That Devo Is Not, please.
>I would follow without shame
CROW: Or dignity.
TOM: Or sanity.
MIKE: Or talent.
>A stupid spud staggering to the flame
TOM: Spud? Hehe...
CROW: Burn, Devo! Burn!
TOM: Are you ok, Crow?
MIKE: Is he ever?
>To be had and rehad
MIKE: And thrice had again.
>An innocent victim of the pain
MIKE: Now he knows how *I* feel.
TOM: I like that line.
CROW: Except for the 'innocent' part.
>Now it's strange, it's so strange
MIKE: How bizarre.
>-It's a strange pursuit
CROW: Why? Why are they on every song?
>-It's a strange pursuit
MIKE: Deep into the center of the planet Venus.
>-It's a strange pursuit
TOM: It's an AK-47, and it's the last thing you'll ever see.
MIKE: Play nice, Tom.
>I come running like the fat boy in lead shoes
CROW: Feel free to fall into any given river.
>Like the fat boy I'm huff puffing after you
CROW: Oh, this is so romantic.
MIKE: Big sweaty guys. A popular theme in love poetry.
>It's hopeless to hope for
TOM: A quick, painless death?
>The one thing that I'm wanting
CROW: A fan base?
>'Cause it's strange, it's very strange
MIKE: It's beyond strange at this point.
>-It's a strange pursuit
TOM: It's another Wes Craven flick.
>Darling I'm dazzled
CROW: (movie star voice) Oh darling, how daaaaaaazzling.
>But you know I'm too frazzled
MIKE: That's some mighty bold usage of the letter 'z' there, pal.
>-It's a strange pursuit
TOM: It's the background singers from Hell.
CROW: I think Devo just went karaoke and hired bums off the street.
>I've taken my mind apart
MIKE: A mind is a terrible thing to take apart.
TOM: Ah, they wouldn't miss it.
>And lost some of the pieces
CROW: Yeah, you gotta put all the pieces in the hubcap, then when you
reassemble it they'll be easy to find.
>-It's a strange pursuit
TOM: (groaning) It's torture that won't end.
>It never gets tough
>When you're gettin' real rough
MIKE: I wish they'd stop singing this stuff.
CROW: It's already way more than enough.
TOM: Ugh.
>-It's a strange pursuit
>Darling I'm dazzled
MIKE: This rancid piece of crap passing itself off as music is brought to you
by the letter "Z".
CROW: (Elmo voice) Elmo no like Devo.
>But you know I'm too frazzled
TOM: Oh, stop whining, you little pansy.
CROW: And gimme back my cocoa.
>-It's a strange pursuit
>I've taken my mind apart
TOM: Into eight pieces, each one guarded by one of Dr. Wily's powerful robot
creations!
>And lost some of the pieces
MIKE: I found this under the couch. Is it part of your brain?
>-It's a strange pursuit
CROW: It's over!
TOM: That was a lesson in how *not* to do filler...
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End Part 1