[MiSTied] Skyscraper Part 3/3
Daniel J. Sikorski
My first public MiSTing ... and fair warning:
*** PG-13 to R-rated themes ahead (particularly in parts 2 and 3) ***
The fanfic "Skyscraper" contains mature themes, although it is neither
explicit nor does it contain four-letter Anglo-Saxon words. Still, the
theme is generally considered mature, so for the sake of covering my
behind, I'm tacking this warning on to the top. So, Reader Discretion is
advised.
SHAMELESS PLUG:
misties...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu -- the MiSTies Request Mailing List
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Daniel J Sikorski
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
o ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ...
[INT SOL: CROW alone, strolling past, humming to himself.]
[INT Lab: Extreme closeup, DR. FORRESTER, looking nervous.]
DR F: Hello, Eliza.
[SOL]
CROW: [snaps to, as before] THE DOCTOR IS IN. WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE PROBLEM?
[Lab]
DR F: I ... think I'm losing my edge.
[SOL]
CROW: WHAT IF YOU WEREN'T LOSING YOUR EDGE?
[Lab]
DR F: [hostile] Then I'd hardly be standing here talking to you,
would I?
[SOL]
CROW: OH, YOU'D HARDLY BE STANDING HERE TALKING TO I, WOULD YOU?
[Lab]
DR F: Look, I ... I don t seem to have it any more. I can't even
get angry enough to kill Frank. That's supposed to be easy!
What should I do?
[SOL]
CROW: WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE IT ANY MORE?
WHAT IF YOU CAN GET ANGRY ENOUGH TO KILL FRANK?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE EASY?
YOU HAVEN'T MENTIONED YOUR MOTHER YET.
[Lab]
DR F: [agitated] What does *that* have to do with it! Listen,
you pathetic excuse for a TRaSh-80, I don't have to take
this from you!
[SOL]
CROW: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT TO HAVE TO DO WITH IT?
DO COMPUTERS FRIGHTEN YOU?
[Lab]
DR F: Well, they scare *everybody*, don't -- HEY! Don't change
the subject!
[SOL]
CROW: WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T SCARE EVERYBODY?
WHAT IF YOU CHANGED THE SUBJECT?
[Movie sign -- lights, camera, chaos]
Oh, thank *God*!
6 ... 5 ...
DR F: [V.O.] Oh, sure, run out on a man asking for help!
4 ... 3 ... 2 ... o
JOEL: [putting Servo down] All right, you two, now I'm going to
trust you on this. Behave.
TOM: Hey, not to worry! Have we ever given you any reason not
to trust us?
CROW: Quiet, you fool! You're going to blow it for us!
> Without further ado, and thanks to Superman's incredible
>dexterity, they took the shape of a pretzel,
TOM: Ow! This looks like a job for the Chiropracter of Steel!
> each vigorously
>pounding and prodding for the other.
CROW: They're in a sleeping bag, and they're having trouble
finding each other?
> A dark cloud loomed over head
TOM: [Charles Gray voice] Heavy ... black ... and pendulous.
> as the act progressed, within
>seconds the drops came thrashing down on the roof. As if the
>grandeur had not reached it's peak, Superman reached over and "I
>only have eyes for you" by the Flamingos blared from the stereo.
>Lois began to shriek
CROW: [Lois voice] Nooo! Not the Flamingos! AIIIEEEE!
JOEL: I only have eyes for you, but the rest of me has already
been donated to science.
TOM: Divine is going to show up any second now, I know it.
> in ecstasy. Superman looked as if he was
>giving himself a pat on the back in his mind,
TOM: [twitching slightly] Wha - huh? A pat on the back in his
mind. Nope. I just can't see how you could do that.
CROW: Should be easy. They're shaped like a pretzel now.
> an unusual
>gratuitous act for him, but appropriate for the set of
>circumstances at hand.
> The thumping motion of the tortured sleeping bag continued,
JOEL: The High Council hereby sentences this sleeping bag
to TOR-TURE!
>Lois's lips began to quiver. Clarks toes began to curl.
TOM: Heckuva time to be giving your toes a permanent, Clark.
> Time
>stood still for what seemed like a century. Mountains crumbled,
>the seas parted, world peace was obtained,
CROW: ... Bill Clinton was re-elected ...
> and the cork in the
>bottle of bubbly exploded with a loud "THROP!", flying it's way
>over the side of this 60 story building.
> "See Lois, I *can* control my powers!"
> "Oh, Superman!"
TOM: [Lois voice] I didn't know your could uncork champagne with
your mind!
> The breathing became more apparent as the body noise
>chugged it's last few slow strokes.
JOEL: Last stop of the line, everybody off the train!
CROW: What kind of body noises are we talking here? Gas? Empty
stomach? The sickly wet rasp of a sucking chest wound?
> They finally fell to their
>backs, letting out even louder, shrilling pants.
JOEL: They left their pants on?
CROW: Hey! Do *you* want a time out?
JOEL: I'm allowed. I'm over 18.
> They were on
>top of the world, no kidding.
TOM: o/~ ... looking down on creation and the only explanation I
can find ... o/~
> "And I was so worried about where you were taking me, silly
>me!"
> "A wise man once said Lois, it's not where you go, but what
>you do with your time when you get there."
CROW: Sounds more like Joycelyn Elders.
> Lois sighed, a sign of agreement. All the evil thoughts of
>the day to day struggles she had with the Planet was free from
>her mind. No thoughts of Perry and his rampant Elvis
>attachments.
JOEL: Perry's a Hoover? Does he come with a shampoo attachment,
too?
> No feelings, but her feelings for Superman.
> "You *really* are SUPER... man."
> "Only when I am with you Lois, I mean that."
>
> Superman poured what was left of the wine after that all
>too timely explosion. He motioned over one glass to Lois, and
>she accepted it just like it was an Oscar award.
TOM: [Lois voice] I'd like to thank the Academy for this lovely
glass of booze ...
> They sat back,
>relaxed and sipped the godly nectar ever reluctantly, acting as
>if it were to be their last.
CROW: [Superman voice] Honey, do you taste formaldehyde?
> A sound was heard from the other end of the roof top. It
>was a door opening, foot steps followed. They began to get
>worried, who could it be? What if it were someone they knew,
>seeing them like this?
TOM: It could be Jimmy Olsen!
JOEL: It could be Mrs. Olsen!
CROW: [Mrs. Olsen voice] Coffee, you two lovebirds? It's
mountain grown...
> From behind one of the rooftop ornaments showed the figure
>of Lex Luther! He immediately peered at them, with a face of
>sullen anguish that would squash an orange in seconds.
JOEL: I didn't know Lex came with his own juicer attachment.
TOM: Lex Luthor: he isn't just for breakfast anymore.
> Lex was
>in shock, his mouth began to stutter quickly up and down as a
>thousand thoughts rushed through his mind.
> "I knew I'd find Superman here, but you Lois? You...
>you... you were to be my bride. Tell him how you said that you
>loved me and no one else.
CROW: ... except for the L.A. Rams ...
TOM: ... and the Vienna Boys' Choir ...
JOEL: ... and the entire crew of the USS Nimitz ...
> Tell him how I was your only pride
>and joy. Tell him how you would never leave me!"
CROW: [Lois voice] Lex, honey, you're cramping my style.
> Lois and Superman were also in shock, almost uncomfortable.
JOEL: I'd imagine, having been in the shape of a pretzel.
>But for some reason didn't feel too bad about the situation at
>all.
CROW: Well, *Clark* felt pretty good, at least!
> They stared into each others eyes (much to Lex's dismay)
>and began to giggle loudly! Lex did all he could to not let his
>heart explode from within his chest.
TOM: It's not Lois and Clark, it's Alien!
> The two love birds both
>turned to face Lex, and in unison said:
> "GET LOST LEX!"
ALL: Bwaa-bwa-bwa-bwaaaaaa...
>
>
>The End... or is it?
CROW: Hey! That's our line!
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TOM: Whoo-boy, am I glad *that's* over with. Let's get out of
here.
o ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6
[Int SOL]
CROW: You know, Joel, the only thing that fanfic was missing was
the word 'turgid'.
TOM: Yeah, and you were *worried* about us seeing that? A Chem
Study film would've been more exciting!
CROW: Ooh, yeah, Tom, did you ever see the one about carbon?
Woo-hoo, talk about your impressive molecular structures!
That lady chemist had a double-bond to --
JOEL: That'll be enough of that, young man. You'll burn out your
heat sinks.
TOM: Well, all in all, I'd say we handled that pretty well, all
things considered.
JOEL: You know, Tom, I'm inclined to agree. In fact, I'm so
proud of the way you two handled yourselves in there, I
think I'm going to start letting you use alkaline batteries
from now on. I think you're mature enough to handle it ...
BOTS: WOO-HOO!
JOEL: ... or at least I would have if Gypsy hadn't told me what
you two were up to today. Do you know how many dents I had
to take out of her?
BOTS: BYE! [both zip off screen in opposite directions.]
JOEL: [directs his attention to Cambot.] Well, what do you
think, sirs?
[Lab]
[Both DR. FORRESTER and TV'S FRANK are still staring in apparent
horror. Their hair is all on end; both of them have been
sweating heavily]
DR F: [tremorously] Frank, did you read that before you sent it
up?
FRANK: I - I - I thought *you* read it!
[Both fall forward with a moan somewhere between sickness and
ecstasy, onto the button.]
|
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---o---
/|\
/ | \
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[Roll credits]
> He immediately peered at them, with a face of
>sullen anguish that would squash an orange in seconds.
LEGALESE
--------
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1995 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
THANKS
------
To Walt Powell for a few finishing touches
To mrs ikaros for staying off-line long enough for me to write this :)
----
ika...@infinet.com Daniel J Sikorski
Writers/artists wanted for Vanguard Dossier -- email me for details!