MiSTed - The Vanished (XF/Twin Peaks) 5/8
Bill Livingston
MAGIC VOICE: Ladies & Gentlemen - the Synchronized Duchovnies
[The lights come up to reveal Mike & the bots all wearing identical
suits, overcoats, and sunglasses]
CROW: My Name is Fox
MIKE: My Name is Mulder
SERVO: My Name is Fox Mulder
ALL: TRUST NO ONE!!
SERVO: My sister - abducted
MIKE: Samantha - gone
CROW: I must find her
ALL: THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!
CROW: My partner is Da-
[SOL shakes violently]
SERVO: Holy Frijoles!
MIKE: Cambot, give me Rocket Number 9, pronto!
[ext SOL - another ship has approached the SOL - it looks suspiciously
like a carton of Camels with a single pack glued to the top, and four
Zippo lighters at the bottom for engines]
CROW: Jesse Helms is invading!
MIKE: I don't think so, but - wait, someone's calling us on the hexfield!
[Hexfield opens on a man sitting in a room filled with smoke. He is
holding a cigarette in his right hand, and one is dangling from the left
side of his mouth]
ALL: CANCER MAN!!
CM: Hello Mulder. You didn't really think you could get away from me
up here, did you?
MIKE: Uh, there seems to have been some -
CM: Although I will admit it's unique. It beats the time you hid in
a mine. Or an Indian reservation. Or a leper colony. Or a -
SERVO: Uh, if we could interrupt your paranoia for just one se-
CM: I don't know where you have your partner stashed, but I'll find
her, too. And you can tell Skinner I said that!
CROW: Maybe you need to know that we're-
CM: Your clones can't save you now. Not even changing your name to
"Knudson" could throw me off -
MIKE: [quickly] Knudson?! W-wait, my name's Nelson!
CM: Excuse me?
MIKE: Yeah, Mike Nelson at your service. We're just doing a skit about
your friend. I'm not him, and these aren't clones, they're bots!
CM [switches cigarettes and pulls a card from his suit] Isn't this a
secret NSA controlled satellite?
CROW: Nah, it's just an experiment in evil from Deep 13.
CM: [Pauses] Geez, guys, sorry about that. I'm really sorry.
SERVO: Hey, don't worry about it.
CM: I'll bet that Captain Picard reject Skinner is behind this! BOY he
really frosts my butts!
MIKE: Hey, tell me, what do you get out of all this conspiracy stuff?
CM: Confidentially, it's a huge pain in the butt! Before I got this
job, I didn't even smoke. Now I probably keep the entire state of
North Carolina solvent. My ulcers have ulcers, I hawk up lung chunks
on the hour, and I can't eat anything spicier than toast. Still,
it beats the alternative.
CROW: Geez, what was the alternative?
CM: Federal Budget Negotiator.
MIKE: Good Move!
CM: Well, gotta run. Sorry again, and, uh, let's just forget this ever
happened, fellas.
SERVO: Or you'll kill us, right?
CM: Hey, rules are rules. See ya! [Hexfield closes]
SERVO: Poor Guy.
MIKE: Servo, the guy's a murdering sleezeball!
SERVO: Well, no one's perfect.
MIKE: Let's just try this again. [They resume the stance]
CROW: My Name is Fox
MIKE: My Name is Mulder
SERVO: My Name is Fox Mulder [lights flash]
ALL: WE GOT "TRUTH OUT THERE" SIGN YAA-A-A-AHH!!
[6...5...4...3...2...o]
MIKE: Let's get those Foster Grants off [removes bots' glasses]
SERVO: Hey, we wear our sunglasses at night
>
>[Great Northern Hotel, 11:30 PM]
> "This is incredible, Mulder!"
SERVO: [as Scully] It says, "Elvis seen in Wisconsin Burger King"!
> Scully, still in her fancy dress,
>read about the Banks case from her laptop
MIKE: She's sitting in her own lap?
CROW: I've *definitely* gotta meet this woman!
> as Doc Hayward
>attended to Special Agent Chester Desmond.
CROW: Chester A. Arthur?
> The group had
>assembled in an empty conference room as Constance Horne and
>Annie Truman took care of the other guests. "This man has been
>missing for over seven years!
SERVO: He's Michael Dukakis!
> This Banks case and it's obvious ties
>to the Palmer case..." she shook her head, "unbelievable."
> Doc Hayward stepped away from Chet who was propped in
>a chair at the head of the long table.
CROW: [as Doc] I dunno, his positronic net is fluxuating!
> "I can't find anything wrong with him. Not a thing. But I
>say we get him to the hospital to make sure."
MIKE: Sounds like my HMO physician
> "Certainly, thank you." Cooper said, looking at Chester
>Desmond
CROW: Lester Pearson?
> with deep concern. Mulder stood against the wall, his
>eyes narrowed.
> "CHET. CHET." Gordon moved close to Desmond's side.
>"CHET, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? IT'S ME, GORDON.
CROW: [Gordon] BATMAN AND CHIEF O'HARA ARE JUST OUTSIDE!
>THIS IS SPECIAL AGENTS COOPER, SCULLY, AND
>MULDER. YOU REMEMBER ALBERT, OF COURSE."
SERVO: Heaven help him, he's tried to forget!
> Desmond sat dazed in his seat. He had a narrow face
>topped by a soft wave of brown hair, with full, expressive lips, and
>was dressed in a timelessly conservative suit.
MIKE: Hey, it's Chris Isaak
SERVO: Actually, Mike, it *is* Chris Isaak
MIKE: Yeah, right!
CROW: No really, it is
MIKE: Are you sure?
SERVO: Yep. We've switched to
"http://www.msstate.edu/M/title-exact?352E47"
> "Theerze...buuurds," he slurred, his eyes rolling.
SERVO: Everybody's huuurd about the buuurds!
> "What Desmond? Birds?" Cooper said eagerly.
> "Aiiiie...
CROW: Keeba!
> came to heeelp.".
> "He sounds drugged," Scully suggested.
> "I'vvve been there! I went da-dancing but it was t-too cold.
>He's right behind me!" Desmond leapt out of his chair, surprising
>everyone. A strange smile crept across his disoriented face, "Not
>the face of God!"
MIKE: Alright, who left the jargon generator on overdrive?
> "What does he mean?" asked Truman.
MIKE: The owls are not what they seem
SERVO: He won't do anything for ratings
CROW: Watch out for snakes
> "S-saw Judy.
SERVO: [Desmond] I-in disguise. W-with glasses
> But did not, did not! Follow... Let me tell
>you about Philip..."
CROW: He looks FAAAAABULOUUUS!
> "Philip? Jeffries? Agent Desmond," Cooper took the
>man's face in his hands,
ALL: EWWWW!!
MIKE: Didn't they do that on "Voyager" once?
SERVO: They've done *everything* on Voyager!
> "What about Philip? Have you seen him?"
> "Oh, he's here all right. But he's baaaaaaad."
CROW: That's because he's on the *lam*!! Get it?!? It's lamb,
y'see, and...
> Desmond's
>right arm began convulsing, then soon his whole body began to
>shake.
MIKE: [Elvis] Thankyaverramuch
> "Let's get him to the hospital," Mulder said tightly, helping
>Truman and Cooper restrain Desmond
> "MULDER, SCULLY.
CROW: [Cole] SCULLY, MULDER
MIKE: [Mulder] Thanks, we already know each other.
> I THINK THE FOUR OF US CAN
>HANDLE THINGS HERE. HOW 'BOUT WE MEET
>TOMORROW MORNING AT THE HOSPITAL
CROW: Oh, not another group high colonic series!!
> AND WE'LL
>SEE HOW CHET IS THEN. RIGHT NOW THE GUY IS JUST
>GOING TO GET HIMSELF AN ARMFUL OF VALIUM AND A
>FREE TRIP TO LA LA LAND."
SERVO: [announcer] And our second place winner receives a
case of Rice-a-Roni, and a lovely copy of our home game
> "Yeah, that's just what he needs," Albert sneered,
>Desmond's head lolling on his shoulder.
CROW: He just kind of vacillates between being Oscar the
Grouch and Barney the Dinosaur
MIKE: It's useful to have more than one way of irritating people
if you're going to do it as a hobby
> Scully nodded to Cole, touching Mulder's arm. Mulder
>nodded reluctantly in agreement and watched the group exit the
>room.
MIKE: [Mulder] They never take me to the really *fun* psycho wards!
> "This is an interesting development, Scully."
> Scully folded her arms across her chest,
SERVO: Say, that *is* some pretty interesting devlopment!!
> her gold cross
>flickering in the lamplight. "He has incredible timing."
CROW: Well, in comedy, timing is everything
> "Exactly. Now, is he here to help...?"
> "Or is he here to....?"
MIKE: Start a flame war?
SERVO: Avenge his father's death?
CROW: Kick names and take butt?
> Mulder and Scully locked eyes for a moment,
ALL: Oh, 'scuse me. Wait! Owowowow! Hey, that's *my* cornea!
> then Scully
>gathered her dress and stood.
> "Where did he come from, Mulder?"
> "Maybe he's been hiding under the stage all this time."
MIKE: He's Hamlet's father, and he missed his cue
> Scully frowed and let her hands fall from her hips.
CROW: How do you frow?
MIKE: I don't know, but I think if she does it long enough. she'll wind
up looking like Roxann Biggs-Dawson.
"Let me
>say goodnight to Annie and Constance and I'll meet you upstairs."
> "Ok, give them my goodnights too. I'm going to call Albert."
> "Call Albert? Don't you trust them, Mulder?"
CROW: Agent Mood Swing, Agent Psycho, and Agent Arch Hall -
what's not to trust?
> Mulder rolled the question around in his brain for a second,
MIKE: Fortunately there was lots of room for it to roll
>then said casually, "Not like I trust you," and hurried out the door.
ALL: Y-Y-Y-YA ta ta ta ta ta, Ya ta ta ta ta ta, YA ta ta ta YA TA ta-aaahh!
>
> Dana found Constance and Annie standing together in the
>now-empty lounge.
SERVO: Hey! Spread out, you numbskulls! I'll moiderlize ya'!
> "What happened?"
> "We just sent everyone home after all the excitement,"
>Annie replied.
MIKE: [falsetto] Because if we had sent them home before all the
excitement, they'd have missed all the excitement.
> "I'm sorry it had to end so early. In fact, Mulder and I have
>some work to do, but I wanted to thank you both, for the both of
>us. Constance, I'll have this dress back to you..."
CROW: Just as soon as someone rips it off her lush, pulsating body?
MIKE: "Her Lush Pulsating Body"?!?!?!?
CROW: How about, "her plush, luxuriant body"?
MIKE: You're not getting any more Barbara Cartland books!
> "Dana, it looks great on you. Just keep it."
> "I couldn't..."
> "Please."
SERVO: [as Constance] I mean, you've sweated in it and stuff, ick!
> "Thank you. I love it." Dana smiled gratefully at
>Constance, too tired to argue any further.
> "Agent Scully, is there something wrong?"
CROW: Nah, too easy
SERVO: Yep
> Dana could see
>the worry in Annie's eyes and said more assuredly than she felt,
> "No, nothing we can't handle."
SERVO: Uh, wasn't she the one in the first story who was possessed
by Bob and almost killed Cooper in a psychotic rage?
MIKE: Yeah, but she could handle that
>
> Dana stopped leaning against the elevator wall and got off
>on her floor, her heels dangling from one hand and her laptop in the
>other.
CROW: I don't care how limber she is, that's GOTTA hurt!!
> She noticed with a frown that Mulder's door was still open
>and picked up her pace a bit.
> Stepping into his room, she realized that he had just been to
MIKE: The bathroom?
CROW: The Cheetah Club?
SERVO: A higher level of existence?
>lazy to close it behind him. His jacket lay on the floor and Mulder
>lay sprawled on his bed, cellular phone to his ear. Scully dropped
>her shoes on the floor and eased herself into a chair,
MIKE: Set a spell. Take yer shoes off. Y'all come back now, y'heah?
> reaching up to
>undo her hair. She shook out her curls, scratching her head.
SERVO: [Scully] Hmm, nope, Minoxidil's not doing any good! Buncha
no-good rip-off artists...
> "Well, looks like we did it."
> "Did what?" Scully asked, giving her hair a final shake.
> "You let your hair down."
CROW: Ha! And this guy's not on Letterman?
MIKE: He is, he just keeps getting bumped.
> Scully sighed tolerantly at Mulder, to weary to laugh.
>"How's Agent Desmond?"
> "Soon to be counting sheep.
SERVO: We sent him to New Zealand
> I've asked Albert to put a tape
>recorder by his bed, just in case he says something in his sleep."
CROW: It must have one of those special eight-hour tapes
> "If they drug him..."
> "Just a hunch, Scully."
> Scully rubbed the bridge of her nose with her fingers.
>"Now, who is Philip Jeffries?"
SERVO: [falsetto] Who told you that name?!? Lies, all lies!
> "Jeffries was another agent, like Desmond, working on
>Cole's Blue Rose cases."
> "Do you get the feeling that we're being left out of this
>operation?"
CROW: Remove funny bone, ha ha
> Mulder sat up and placed his hands on his knees, brow
>furrowed. "There's a lot we don't know about here, Scully. I'm
>tempted to get on a plane and leave this place to Cooper."
> "Why?" Scully asked, flabbergasted.
MIKE: Have you seen the utility bills?!? And the maintenance costs...
> "It..."
SERVO: Bing
ALL: [MPFC theme] Da-a-a-ah-dumdadumdada DUM dumdumda
DUMdaDUMdaDA...
> he looked up and grinned mischievously at her, "it
>gives me the creeps."
> "You? 'Creeped'? Let me mark my calendar...I thought you
>didn't get 'creeped.'"
CROW: That's "crept".
> "Don't you mean 'spooked'?"
> "Seriously Mulder, what do you think is the significance of
>Desmond's reappearance?"
> "I think...he may be Mike.
MIKE: Hey, don't try and drag me into this!
CROW: [giggling] Sing us a song, Chet!
SERVO: [snorking] Yeah, let's hear "Don't Make Me Dream About You"
MIKE: Knock it off!
> The One-Armed Man who has
>been chasing Bob, trying to destroy him.
SERVO: Did we just slip over into "The Fugitive"?
MIKE: There was a one-armed man in "Twin Peaks"
CROW: And a character named Gerard
SERVO: So that means Cooper is really David Janssen
MIKE: Or Bob's Tommy Lee Jones in disguise
> Did you see his arm
>shaking?"
> Scully nodded, still not quite sure what to make of the
>evidence she had seen.
> "So where's Bob?"
MIKE: What About Bob?
> Mulder only shook his head and shrugged slightly.
> "I'd like to take a look at Agent Desmond tomorrow
>morning, "
SERVO: Drive him around the block, kick the tires...
> Scully said, getting up from the chair and retrieving her
>shoes. "Get some sleep, Mulder. You look beat."
> "G'night Scully." He paused and a smile began forming on
>his lips.
MIKE: [as Mulder] You wouldn't consider leaving the shoes, would you?
> "You know, I had fun tonight."
> Scully smiled wryly, "Only you would, Mulder."
> He sat up and followed her to the door. "I mean it."
> Scully stared at him out of the corner of her eye and said
>warily, "I know you do."
MIKE: Madness, hallucinations, missing persons, supernatural killers...
CROW: It's *fun*!!
> His eyes held her,
CROW: Just their tentacle stalks, actually
> and he opened his mouth as if to say
>something, then decided against it. He slid the door shut behind
>her, murmuring, "Goodnight."
> "Goodnight," she called through the now-shut door.
SERVO: [as Scully] You won't hurt the shoes too much, right? Right?!?
> "The
>party never stops," she murmured to herself sarcastically, turning to
>her own room.
SERVO: [announcer] Yes, the party never stops, here on Dana Scully's
Party Machine!
>[Twin Peaks Hospital, 9:00 AM]
> "Where's Gordon?"
MIKE: The zany new situation comedy on the WB!!
> Mulder asked as he and Scully met
>Cooper, Truman, and Rosenfield in the hospital lobby.
> "He had to fly back to Washington this morning.
CROW: And boy are his arms tired! [Mike and Servo groan] Well, you were
both thinkin' it!
> Urgent
>business."
> "I'm sure," murmured Mulder under his breath, then louder,
>"they must've gotten him a new hearing aid."
SERVO: *He's* grouchy before his coffee, too
> "Left without so much as a good-bye?" Scully queried with
>sarcasm.
> "Disappointed?" Scully shot Mulder a glare and lengthened
>her strides.
CROW: That's a neat trick
MIKE: Well, she *is* a doctor
> "He's been asking for you," the lab-coated doctor said to
>Cooper as they walked into the wing where Desmond was being
>held.
> Mulder saw Scully's eyebrow rise
CROW: And burst into flames
SERVO: Oh the *humanity*!
MIKE: The helium supply had been cut off, she had no choice but to
use hydrogen
> and watched her make her
>way through the door first, scooping up the medical chart at the
>foot of the bed immediately.
MIKE: Let's see, you medical insurance runs out at noon - we'll have you
up and about by 11:59, Mr. Desmond!
> Chester Desmond
CROW: Lester Maddox?
> was sitting up, looking completely
>changed from the night before.
SERVO: Now he looked like Shania Twain
ALL: [sigh]
> His eyes were clear and he
>recognized familiar faces.
> "Agent Rosenfield," his voice had the tinge of a friendly
>southern drawl, "I bring you important information."
SERVO: About Vince Foster
> He looked
>around at the unfamiliar faces with curiosity.
> "Agent Desmond. These are Agents Scully and Mulder,
CROW: Fridays at 9, 8 central
>and Agent Cooper,
CROW: Syndicated on Bravo
ALL: Where they respect the rights of all the artists, but cut their
work anyway!
> who's been following your case for quite some
>time. Local law, Sheriff Truman."
MIKE: LA Law, Jimmy Smits
CROW & SERVO: Switch!
> Desmond nodded at each
>introduction.
> "I thought Cole was here..."
> "He had to go to D.C."
MIKE: He was still miffed at Marvel over that whole Jack Kirby deal
> Cooper interjected into their little reunion firmly, "Agent
>Desmond, where have you been? What is so important that you
>need to tell us?"
SERVO: [Desmond] All of your flies are open. I just thought you
should know
> Desmond regarded Cooper for a moment, then replied
>quietly, "I know of your plan to seal the gateways. I know how
>you can do it."
CROW: Duct tape
> "Is that where you've been?" asked Mulder, "Inside the
>Lodges?"
> "Where have you been?" Desmond countered.
CROW: Asleep
SERVO: I'm precariously close to dropping over plot-point canyon here
> "That's enough of the back-talk, flyboy," Albert snapped,
>placing his hands on his hips.
CROW: A-a-and SQUAT and thrust and SQUAT and thrust and SQUAT
and two and three and four -
> "You've been gone damn near seven
>years, I wanna know what happened to you in that time."
CROW: Well, we had a couple of people leave, they changed Servo's voice,
there've been a couple of Turkey Day specials, and then this Herzog guy
shows up and -
MIKE: [whispering] Not us, Crow, them!
> Desmond turned and looked Cooper directly in the eyes, "I
>don't believe we have time to go into this right now."
> "Why not?" Cooper asked, his brow furrowing with
>concern.
SERVO: Because I'm here to kill- dah, um, that is, help you,
yeah, that's it!
> "Because...he's following me. He knows what you're
>planning on doing."
SERVO: He knows when you are sleeping
CROW: He knows when you're awake
> "So it can be done?" Scully asked, drawing Desmond's
>attention. He nodded affirmative. "How?" Scully demanded.
> "I'll have to show you."
MIKE: It involves a jar of rubber cement, a duck, and Windows '95
> "Who's following you?" Mulder asked, his face curiously
>intense. "Bob?" Mulder leaned in close to Desmond, looking at
>him as if he was searching him with x-ray vision. "Are you Mike?"
>he asked carefully.
MIKE: Well, the last time I checked, yeah!
> A look of anger rippled across Chester Desmond's face,
CROW: Fester Bestertester?
>then one of restraint. "I am Special Agent Chester Desmond.
CROW: Uncle Fester?
MIKE: Okay, Crow, that's enough!
>I don't know who you are, mister, but I've made my way back...from
>that place, to come and help you."
SERVO: And not kill you. Nope, definitely not to kill you!
> Desmond's gaze became distant
>and he intoned, "I've traveled...Through the darkness of futures
>past..."
CROW: Time Traxx?
> Cooper picked up the familiar line as the rest of the group
>fell silent, "...The magician longs to see..."
SERVO: Forever Knight?
> "One chance out between two worlds..."
MIKE: Deep Space Nine?
> Dana found herself mouthing the frighteningly familiar
>words as Cooper and Desmond's voices blended together, "Fire,
>walk with me."
SERVO: Once again, that's "http://www.msstate.edu/M/title-exact?352E47"
> All were silent, until Desmond added ominously, "He's
>coming."
CROW: Yeah, but eyes aren't even gl-
MIKE: AHEM!!! This *is* a family newsgroup!
> A chill ran down Dana's spine.
> A silence fell upon them again,
SERVO: Hopefully, a 16-ton silence
> until Truman placed a hand
>on Cooper's shoulder. "Why don't we let Chet rest a bit before we
>head out?"
CROW: [Minnesotan] Oh, the poor dear needs his rest, doncha know?
SERVO: [ditto] Oh, yah, tha's fer sure, an' when he gets up, we'll fix him a
nice big plate a'yer hotdish, Ethel.
> "Good idea, Harry. Sound good to you, Chet?"
> Desmond nodded, looking wan and spent.
> They all shuffled out of the hospital room, grim-faced but
>determined.
CROW: Good Night Chet
SERVO: Good Night, David
> "Mulder, Harry and I will keep watch here.
MIKE: Well, how's everyone else gonna know what time it is?
> Why don't you
>and Scully and Albert go grab our gear from the station," Coop
>suggested.
> "Sure," Mulder replied, "let me give you mine and Scully's
>cellular numbers. Call us the instant anything happens."
CROW: I just saw a woodchuck!
MIKE: Okay, *almost* "anything"
> "At last! The joys of modern technology," Albert
>commented, looking pointedly at Sheriff Truman.
> "Old habits die hard," Truman replied gruffly.
SERVO: [announcer] Die Hard 4: Old Habits
MIKE: [ditto] Bruce Willis and Whoopi Goldberg team up to save a
monastery from evil terrorists, and sing songs with teenagers!
>
> Scully and Mulder rumbled along the road back to the
>station; Albert had optioned to drive his own car, mumbling
>something about how he had a cellular, but nobody ever used it to
>call him.
CROW: Aw, no one wants to talk to the one-man complaint department!
> "Mulder, you're quiet."
SERVO: Don't wake him up - *you're ruining it for me*!
> "Hmm."
> "What are you thinking?"
> "I dunno...
[All snicker]
> I have a question for you-
MIKE: [Mulder] Do you think they've forgotten I used to be a
Transvestite DEA agent around here?
CROW: Not if newsgroup traffic is any indication
> was Desmond
>drugged?"
> "If you're asking if he had Haliparidol in his system, the
>answer is no."
> "I just have a funny feeling, Scully..."
> "Have you seen any dancing midgets?"
SERVO: I saw Robert Reich doing the tango - does that count?
> "No."
> "Then it's just a feeling, Mulder."
> "Ha."
SERVO: Ho
MIKE: Hee
CROW: Heh
> "I'm actually looking forward to seeing what Desmond has
>planned."
> "I don't think 'looking forward to' is quite the right way to
>put it."
CROW: "Dreading it with every bone in my body" perhaps expresses
it more succinctly
>
>[Twin Peaks Sheriff's Station. 11:01 AM]
> "Hey Lucy,"
MIKE: [Desi] "Ah'm, ho-o-o-me!!"
CROW: [Lucille Ball] Ricky, wa-a-a-a-h!!!
> Mulder said in passing, heading for the
>conference room where they had left their maps and plans.
> "Hold on a second, Agent Mulder. Agent Mulder!" Lucy
>called out, but Mulder had already gone into the room. Scully
>walked up to the service window and asked,
SERVO: What's with the voice?
CROW: She really sounds like Brenda Vacarro, but she's doing her
Melanie Griffith impression
> "What is it, Lucy?"
MIKE: It's a football, Charlie Brown. I'll hold it and you try to kick it.
> "Oh, Agent Scully." Lucy Moran's eyes widened and she
>lisped, "There's someone here to see you."
SERVO: [Lucy] He said his vanity mirror wasn't working...
> "Who?" Scully prompted when Lucy did not go on. She
>continued to give Dana a strange look. "Ms. Moran, is there
>something wrong?"
MIKE: Oh, where to begin?
> Lucy started and lowered her eyes. "No..." she looked up
>again into Dana's annoyed eyes, "...well...yes.
CROW: No! Maybe! Wait! Can I change my answer?
> The FBI have
>women agents?" she asked carefully.
SERVO: She's asking *Scully*?
MIKE: I'm guessing Lucy's grip on reality is down to the fingernails!
> "Yes!" Dana replied, exasperated at such a simple question.
>"Obviously, they do."
> "Well, the LAST time it wasn't so obvious," Lucy replied
>crossly.
> Scully didn't even bother to try and understand Lucy's
>comment.
CROW: Since Scully is presumably from *Earth*, that would be impossible
SERVO: Don't presume that - "X-Files", remember?
> "You said someone was here to see me. Me as in me, or
>as in Agent Mulder and myself?"
> A confused frown formed on Lucy's forehead. "Well, I
>imagine he's here to see you and Agent Mulder. I didn't really ask,
>because he came in here in such a hurry, I just told him to wait in
>room three and told him that you'd be back here really soon, but I
>suppose since he's also an FBI agent that he could see you or Agent
>Mulder, or even Agent Cooper, if he were here, but since he's not I
>guess..."
CROW: YAAAAAHHH!!! I CONFESS, I CONFESS, JUST MAKE HER STOP, MAKE HER
STOP... [breaks down into sobbing]
> "Lucy," Scully grated, placing her hands firmly upon her
>window sill.
MIKE: That's one of the lesser known parts of the anatomy
SERVO: Number 12: the window sill (rare).
> "Who is here? Gordon Cole?"
> "Cole?
MIKE: Just a little chilly, actually, but thanks for asking
> No, I didn't say anything about him. You have an
>Agent Jeffries waiting for you in room three.
SERVO: Just one?
> I almost didn't think
>he was an agent because he was wearing..."
> Dana left Lucy rambling and burst into
CROW: A gazillion pieces
> the conference room
>where she found Mulder struggling to fold a large map.
> "Hey Dana, it's about time. You're a doctor, a physicist,
>and a woman.
SERVO: [announcer] *Now* how much would you give for the set?
> You hafta be able to fold one of these things..."
> "Mulder!"
> "What?"
> "I think we need to go next door."
MIKE: Hey, you should have thought of that before we left!
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