MiSTed: E-Mail From Spacemen? by J_-_W
Michael L Sensor
master funnyman of our age, John_-_Winston!
Let's have a big round of applause!
*********************************************************************
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Show M001 Reel 1
[Opening Theme]
[Interior, SoL. Mike, Crow, and Tom are all standing around the table
holding credit cards like playing cards. They're all wearing green eyeshades
and smoking cigars. There is a large pile of chips on the table.]
MIKE Okay, Tom, I see your 5 and I'll raise you 5 more.
CROW Well, *I* see your 5 and I'll raise you 10 more!
VOICE And I fold. Commercial sign in 30 seconds.
MIKE [looks up] Hi, everyone, and welcome aboard the Satellite of
Love. I'm Mike Nelson, the hapless, spacejacked guy from Happy
Temps...
TOM Hey, Nelson! Time to show!
MIKE Just a sec, Servo. These are my card-sharkin' 'bots, Tom Servo
and Crow, and we're playing a little poker with my last earthly
possessions.
TOM C'mon, Nelson, let's see what you have.
MIKE Okay... [turns his cards over] A royal flush.
CROW Yeah? Well, *I* got a full house. [puts his cards down]
TOM [immobile] Uh, guys? Some help, maybe?
[Mike takes cards out of Tom's hands]
MIKE Wow, Servo, nothing at all.
TOM Aw, bite me! Look, my Amoco Card, Citibank Choice+ MasterCard,
Hecht's Card, and MBNA PSU Alumni Association Visa *trump* your
BP Card, SearsCharge, Ikea Card, Egghead Card, and Chase Visa!
CROW Wha....? Hey, Tom, you know gas cards aren't higher than Visa/
MasterCards!
TOM Oh, yes, they are, pinbeak! Higher interest rate wins.
VOICE C'mon guys, in god we trust, all others pay cash. Commercial
sign in 15 seconds.
CROW But they calculate their average daily balance differently than
ordinary credit cards!
TOM Ok, Mister Big Gambler, then whose finance charge is larger? Let's
see what *you* have.
[Looks at Crow's cards]
oooooo.... One SURE card, one Vista Card... wait a sec, a Vista
card?
CROW Well, I *did* have problems getting credit...
TOM ...and three jokers?
[They begin arguing. Commercial sign flashes]
MIKE We'll be right back.
[Commercial, perhaps for BKTV {I loooooooooove this place!} and Nightmare
Before Xmas Watches -- Four Cool New Watches for $1.99]
[Interior, SoL. There's a huge pile of cards on the table.]
TOM Citibank Classic!
CROW Trumped by Amex Gold...
TOM Bite me! Amex Platinum trumps that.
CROW Yeah? Well... *my* Optima beats all of that. All the protection
of American Express plus the convenience of a credit card.
TOM Don't leave home without THIS, you a...
[Mads' Sign]
MIKE [Cutting off Tom] Hang on, Prosser and Keeton are calling.
[Hits button]
[Interior, Deep 13. Dr. F. in foreground; Frank in background in a neck
brace, sitting as a plaintiff in front of a judge's platform.]
DR. F. Hello, Mandamus and my little card-carrying ACLU members. Today's
Invention Exchange is a nice little trifle that Frank and I
whipped up before lunch.
FRANK I want my settlement!
DR. F. Shut up, moron.
[Gets up on the judge's stand, picks up gavel. Then he pulls out
a large plastic dome]
This, me hearties, is the Tort-o-Matic, based upon that dice-
rolling device of yore.
FRANK The hand?
DR. F. Frank. The nipple clips.....!
FRANK Sorry, Dr. F.
DR. F. Anyway, this device will help reduce the number of pesky
injury lawyers. Faced with an injury suit? Just take the
Tort-o-Matic...
[Pushes the dome. Giant clicking sound.]
Push the button... Tort-o-Matic pops the truth!
[Looks down at dome.]
Oh, dear, Frank, it says you're not really injured and are trying
to cheat Workers' Comp.
[Double take.]
Funny, we don't *have* Workers' Comp at Deep 13.
[Turns to Frank]
FRANK! Get the clips. NOW!
[Cut to interior, SoL.]
MIKE Gee, that's...
CROW Stupid?
MIKE Yeah, that's it. Well, sirs, our invention exchange is a lot
more useful.
TOM Ever read a real good novel and just *wish* you could see what the
characters look like?
CROW Not their film personae, mind you, but the way they are depicted
by the author in the book!
MIKE Well, here it is, courtesy of TV's Tom Servo:
[Tom does mini-fanfare]
THE CHARACTERIZER!
TOM [Announcer voice] Yes, The Characterizer. Your favorite novel
will come to life as The Characterizer projects a holographic
rendering of YOUR favorite protagonist or minor character!
Just s-l-i-p the book in...
CROW Sounds sexual.
TOM Zip it, Maskhead. And press the green button. Mike, if you would?
[Mike slips in a paperback]
...And there it is! A true-to-life holographic rendering!
[Scary looking guy with jeans and boots appears]
CROW Hey! It's The Walkin Dude from Stephen King's chilling thriller,
_The_Stand_!
MIKE Creepy. Let me try.
[Slips in another book]
Wow, it's one of the Watchmakers from that epic SF work, _The_
Mote_In_God's_Eye_!
CROW Just as long as it's only holographic...
TOM I'd like to see what they'd do to *you*, Meshman. They might
actually fix your Common Sense Sequencer. Um, Mike,
would you get that book over there from the conversation pit?
MIKE [goes offscreen] This one?
TOM Yessssssss. Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
MIKE [returns, puts book in Characterizer]
Right, now the button.
TOM This time, push the red button.
MIKE What's that one do?
TOM Just DO it, fuzzkopf!
MIKE Really abusive today, aren't you, Servo?
[Pushes the button. Two nude redheaded females appear. Of course since
this is a *family* show we can't show it all, but you get the idea.]
ALL [in unison] Lapus Lazuli Long and Lorelei Lee Long from Robert
Heinlein's witty _Time_Enough_For_Love_! Wow!
LAZ Hello, folks, we were thinking --
LOR -- that you'd be so interested in --
LAZ -- knowing how we talked in --
LOR -- real life!
[Mike and 'bots looking most confused.]
TOM Hey, hey, hey, great feature, isn't it? It brings 'em here
in person!
CROW Even better than I imagined! Hubba, hubba!
MIKE [tries in vain to cover 'bots' eyes] Um, ladies, you're not
wearing much.
LAZ Brother Lazarus told us that --
LOR -- clothes aren't necessary if you're --
LAZ -- in the company of people who --
LOR -- don't mind!
TOM *I* don't mind! Wow!
CROW And even more annoying than I expected.
MIKE Geez, why do *I* get all of the visitors on board?
LAZ We've been told that and --
LOR -- every time that Lazarus gets --
LAZ -- annoyed with us he threatens --
LOR -- to put us over his knee and --
TOM Oh, man, would that I had a knee! Whooie!
[Mads' sign]
[Cut to Deep 13. Frank in a strecher in background]
DR. F. Well, my water bruders, I don't know what the dog you're doing in
the sky so high, but I can tell you this: Today's experiment is
a tasty piece of Potted Meat Food Product from John_-_Winston
called "E-mail From Spacemen?" Taste the oppression!
[Turns to Frank]
Push the button, Frank.
FRANK Dr. F., would you carry me to the nearest legal specialist?
DR. F. Enough of your hijinks, mister -- to the rack with you!
[Turns to get Frank and whacks the button on his way]
[Cut to SoL. Chattering is incessant. Mike and 'bots looking
consterned.]
[In the background:]
LAZ -- so we set Dora to jump over here --
LOR -- and we saw that your robots were _so_ cute --
LAZ -- and on Tertius they told us that if you didn't come --
LOR -- with us that we should --
LAZ -- let our tears fall on your --
CROW What hath Tom wrought. Good one, bubblehead.
TOM Then YOU tell them to go! And YOU risk the consequences!
[Movie sign]
MIKE Hey, guys, we got Usenet sign!
ALL [general panic] USENET SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNN! AAAA!
* - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1
[Theater.]
CROW Okay, Tom, go ahead and summon up hyperintelligent nyphomaniacs from
many millenia from now from a major SF novel.
TOM Nega-dittoes, maskhead, like *I* expected Laz-Lor to show up?
MIKE All right, guys, take it easy. [Touches 'bots' shoulders]
>From godot.cc.duq.edu!
TOM Do you think he'll come?
CROW Any time now, he might.
TOM I don't really think he'll arrive, though.
CROW Then again, maybe he will.
> nntp.club.cc.cmu.edu!honeydew.srv.cs.cmu.edu!fs7.ece.cmu
.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!sdd.hp.com!
portal!cup.portal.com!
TOM Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
> John_-_Winston Wed Feb 16 09:25:47 1994
ALL Waaaahh!
>Path: godot.cc.duq.edu!nntp.club.cc.cmu.edu!honeydew.srv.cs.cmu.edu!fs7.ece.cmu
.edu!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!sdd.hp.com!
portal!cup.portal.com!John_-_Winston
CROW Mike, I'm scared.
MIKE Hang in there, Crow, old boy, it'll all be over soon.
>From: John_-_...@cup.portal.com
TOM Would SOMEONE please tell me why he needs two underscores *and* a
hyphen in his name?
>Newsgroups: talk.religion.newage,sci.skeptic,alt.paranormal
TOM How about alt.parastupid?
>Subject: E-Mail From Spaceman?
CROW E-Mail From Spaceman-p?
MIKE Nil.
>Message-ID: <103...@cup.portal.com>
>Date: Tue, 15 Feb 94 16:45:06 PST
>Organization: The Portal System (TM)
>References: <1993Nov4....@main.morris.org> <95...@cup.portal.com>
> <95...@cup.portal.com> <CG5zC...@world.std.com> <96...@cup.portal.com>
>Lines: 80
>Xref: godot.cc.duq.edu
TOM I really don't think he'll come.
> talk.religion.newage:25029 sci.skeptic:65335 alt.paranormal:9972
>Dear Folks:
CROW Hey, watch who you're callin' 'Dear'!
>I just got back from a trip up into the Gold Country of
>Northern Calif.
TOM I took a bunch of cool slides, want to see them?
>I went to a town called Angel's Camp
MIKE Where angels camp...
TOM ...trouble follows!
CROW Fools camp where angels fear to tread.
>the same place where
>Mark Twain wrote stories about the frog jumping and they still have the
>contest each year.
CROW Mike, is the Grammar Flamer Sorter Dumper still in operation?
MIKE No, Crow, you know what happened to it after you guys broke
into it.
CROW In that case... Shouldn't he have had a semicolon there to set off
the sentence after the 'and'?
TOM No, I think a dash would have been more appropriate.
CROW No way! The 'they still have the contest every year' is an
independent sentence which...
MIKE Watch it, guys, or the Grammar Flamer NoRamChipsGivenByMike
is going to swing into action.
>When I go back I got the following E-mail
TOM Baby go back! Whooah!
[Mike touches Tom's shoulder]
TOM Sorry.
> from a person who may be just putting me on but then he may be telling
> the truth.
CROW But then again he's probably full of crap.
>You be the judge.
TOM *You* Be The Judge -- Sponsored by 3M!
MIKE John_-_Winston tries to sneak paranormal drivel past the eyes of
an unbelieving audience. How would *you* call the play?
>Subject: Re: Information - Space people did NOT build!
MIKE Honey, I did NOT build that Aztec pyramid!
TOM [Mysterious voice] Did ancient spacemen visit Earth thousands of
years ago? Find out -- in the new book by Reader's Digest...
CROW Who does this guy think he is, Erich_-_von_-_Daeniken?
>You're quite welcome, John.
CROW I'd like to thank my lobotomist, and my psychiatrist, and my...
>I have did many researches and have spent many
>late nights reading about the controversial subject of 'Space People' and
>'UFO's' as you Earth people call them.
MIKE Hey... 'you Earth people'? Didn't Ross Perot get in trouble for that?
He must be otherwordly.
TOM More like otherwierdly.
MIKE I rest my case.
CROW May I add: 'I have did' is *incorrect* grammar?
MIKE I guess that's OK.
TOM OK? 'I have did' is a *flagrant* violation of grammatical rules!
The subject doesn't agree w...
MIKE Tom? We'd like to get through this post today, please.
TOM [sighs] Mike, Mike, Mike, in no other way can I bear the pain that
is: John_-_Winston!
>There is substantiated evidence that
>UFO's Exist -
MIKE And, Existence Exists. A is A and all that.
TOM Isn't most evidence substantiated?
>in fact, 57 cases are still being held by the government,
>however, You may never find out the truth :=)
CROW Geez, what is that, a Mister Snuffleupagusicon?
> - And many of the documents
>which have been released, have been obliterated and marked out.
TOM Sort of what I wish would be done with this post.
>But, I
>can assure you, 57 cases are still being hidden?
MIKE An assurance ending with a question mark makes me feel *real*
assured.
>Why, the prime reason, is
>that the U.S. Governments' (CIA, Defense, FBI) sources would be compromised.
CROW Send da cash now, or da negatives of da CIA, Defense, and FBI in a
compromisin' position go to da Times!
>I can not alter the course of the history of the earth,
TOM What's he now, Cher?
>anymore than you, but
>take a look at the present series, 'X-Files'.
MIKE X-Files: The Animated Series.
>Count the number of the to be
>exactly 57 - what a coincidence, huh?
CROW [sobs] Mike, let me out of here! I can't take it any more!
TOM I count the left until I bolt to be exactly 57 - what a
coinkidink, huh?
MIKE I gotta admit, guys, this is pretty darn bad. He can't even
put in a noun after his article.
TOM Hey, Nelson, now *you're* grammar flaming.
MIKE I can do it; I don't have a RamChip-addictive personality.
Who programmed you guys, anyway?
TOM It's a long story.
> I have important news for you, but stand by, I will return.
CROW [Gen. MacArthur] I AM stupid, and I WILL return!
>To: John Winston
MIKE And in the disguise of John Winston, a mild-mannered reporter
for the Daily Weirdly, John_-_Winston continues his fight for...
CROW Oddity!
TOM Bizarre Posts!
MIKE And the Paranormal Way!
>Subject: Paranormal Contacts with Extra-Terrestrials
CROW [Minnesota voice] O, ya know, I hear Ethel had a real good
paranormal contact with an extraterrestrial!
MIKE [Minnesota voice] Ooh, ya, I know, told her that Lancombe
was definitely better than Revlon!
>Keywords: Orion, Arcturus, Pleides, Trapezium
TOM [Drill instructor] Now, listen up, you Pleides! No going nova!
Are you PLEIDES, or are you STARS??? WELL?!?!? NOW DROP AND
GIVE ME TEN BILLION ROTATIONS!!
AND WATCH THOSE FLARES!!!!!
>Mr. Winston,
MIKE [sings] Mister Winston, oh, your time has come...
TOM [also sings] And you know that you're the only one to say...
CROW [singing] No way.
>Let me introduce myself to you as Relis of the Betae Carina
>Nebula Starbase.
CROW Nooooooooo! Noooooooooo! Let me OUT! [starts to leave]
MIKE [pulls Crow back] What's sauce for the Nelson is sauce for the
'bot, Mister Crow.
TOM Hey, you know, the monkey ate his banana with mustard,
ketchup, and Relis.
>Although, my original origin is a mere 2.4 light years
>from Barnard's Star.
TOM [Brit accent] Well, the roundabout's not at Basingstoke,
it's at Barnard's Star, but, yes, you've got it about right.
MIKE [Brit accent] And the crew?
TOM [Brit accent] Are little green bugeyed men, yes.
>There are three planets in ecliptic orbit around that
>Command:
MIKE Oh, wow, a prompt! [gets up to the screen] Is it a mail prompt?
Can I type 'q'?
>star and it is roughly only 82% the mass of your 'Sun'.
CROW 18% less mass, 100% less guilt!
TOM It's new: 'Sun' Lite -- for those light days.
>The middle planet
>in the system is named 'Febosini'
MIKE The great director Frederico Febosini.
>and is my home. Your scientists suspect
>that Barnards' Star might be a planetary system with one or two planets in
>the system orbiting it.
TOM Which is it, Barnard's or Barnards'?
>There are three planets, however, instead of one
>or two. In the Year 2007,
CROW We WILL be on the moon!
>the second and third planets will be discovered
MIKE In a cheap hotel room with Hillary Clinton, three Arkansas
state troopers and an emu.
>at an Observatory in Chile, while a simultaneous Super Nova
TOM Not to be confused with the Original Recipe Nova.
>will be discovered at Lick Observatory
MIKE Not a word, guys, not a word.
>in the United States of America. This is a
>long wait for you to have to live with, but by that time, you will quite
>accept what I am now telling you.
CROW I'm a foot fetishist, and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT!
>I will also say that there are other
>civilizations we have found to exist - The Gareimins in the Pleides, the
>Command:
MIKE Let's try this again. [gets up to screen] 'rm -r...'
>Sartofvs in the area of Arcturus,
CROW Looks like this guy let his cat walk all over the keyboard.
> and the Nomans
ALL Is an island!
>residing behind the Trapezium area of the Orion nebula
TOM [sings] Those daring young men on the flying Trapezium...
> - which we call Truppau in our language.
MIKE In my language we call it 'stupid'.
>Your Bible, the Holy Book will mention these three areas.
TOM 'And, lo, ye shall receive inane pseudo-scientific posts
from on high, and ye shall be replused.'
>From these three
>areas, there will be 12 tribes which shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven
>during the Rapture.
CROW A ragtag fleet of ships, searching for the lost twelfth
tribe and a planet called... Earth.
TOM This is getting a just a *little* too odd for me, guys.
> We shall not see this happen in our Lifetime, though.
TOM Today's Lifetime Movie: The Rapture.
But up next: Claprood Live!
>1 Billion years is a long time to us, but to our Creator, is a mere day.
MIKE I think we're getting needlessly messianic here.
>Now, one to our quest for discovery. You mentioned the Great Pyramids -
>one of Earths fine structures
TOM Post by Michael Stipe.
>created by mankind - notice I said, "Mankind".
ALL Well, DUH!
>Command:
MIKE [gets up to screen] How about 'kill %spaceman.email'?
>Our discovery of Earth did not happen until after these pyramids were built.
>In fact, we discovered your small world around your year of 712 AD.
TOM Hey, guys, you know... 7+1+2 is 10, half of 10 is 5,
which is formed by adding 2 and 3, which, when multiplied
together, form 6, which is the mystical number of the Illu...
[Mike fiddles with Tom's head]
Thanks, I needed that.
>Signs
>were left on the continent of Siberia as you now call it. Artifacts from
>one of our automatic probes - You will find an upside down ' V ' with a dot
>right in the center to authenticate them.
CROW The hell?
TOM I gave up on this one long ago.
MIKE ETI means never having to say you're intelligent.
>Now on to something more important,
CROW [Brit] And now, for something completely more important.
>rest and be assured there is life out
>in the Universe- Intelligent Life,
MIKE Welllll... I'm not so sure of that.
>but not like you know of per the old
>phrase 'Life as we know it' which was first introduced by Samuel Clemens
>(Mark Twain).
TOM Hal Weirdbrook in... Mark Twain Eternally!
>Mark had a great interest in what lie ahead for earthlings.
CROW Yeah, wasn't he big on exposing frauds and cheats too?
>Command:
MIKE [gets up once again] Okay... 'mv spaceman.email /dev/null'
>He never did discover the sighting of a UFO, however. I must go, but
>I will leave proof near your locale of our existence on your earth.
TOM [laughing] Of course you will.
>Read your newspapers and you will discover the sale of a rare antique -
CROW A two-parent household?
>for 200,000.000 Dollars in United States of America Currency.
MIKE I don't think that Alien Intelligence knows about the dollar sign.
>You, now, must go forth and seed your people,
MIKE Hey! This is a FAMILY show!
TOM [sings] Go forth, and seed your people...
CROW [sings] Get girls from ev'ry nation...
MIKE [points at both 'bots] This *IS* a family show, people!
>tell them that ETI will be
>discovered very soon.
TOM [sings] Who took the Y from the Y-E-T-I... bom, bom, bom...
>Your Goverment is on the verge of cutting loose
>with devistating information on paranormal activity in the U.S.
CROW The Iran/Contra report!
>Till we meet again, this is Relis.
TOM Hot pepper Relis!
MIKE Sweet pickle Relis!
CROW A Relis tray!
TOM I Relis the idea of this post being over.
>JW So that is all of the information I have at the present time.
TOM Obviously this is some definition of "information" that I
wasn't previously aware of.
>John Winston.
MIKE [picking up Tom] C'mon, guys, we gotta go.
TOM Yes, John_-_Winston, crusader for...
CROW [leaving] Thank you, Servo.
TOM Sorry.
CROW [Jimmy Durante] Good night, Mrs. ETI, wherever in space you are.
Hotcha!
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - *
[Interior, SoL. Laz and Lor are still chattering away. Mike and the 'bots
are at the table.]
MIKE Boy, was that painful or what?
CROW Yeah, we go from the relative comfort of the bridge to the abject
pain that was...
TOM John_-_Winston.
MIKE [Shakes head] Wow.
TOM Never have I seen such utter farcity, such depraved lunacy.
MIKE The humanity of it all.
CROW But, geez, Mike, on to more important topics: these spaceslinkies
are really grating on my aural circuits.
LAZ -- My, we thought you'd never get --
LOR -- out of that stinky old theater even though we --
LAZ -- tried to get in there but your one robot --
LOR -- Gypsy, her name was, wouldn't let us in --
LAZ -- althought she certainly is cute, isn't she? --
[Gypsy enters]
GYPSY Mike, help! They tried to take me over! They told me that
I'd be happier in their ship! The horror!
MIKE I guess it's time to swing into high. Crow, weren't you
telling me about something called a Banner-Gram?
CROW Saaay! Yes, I think it's in the junk room... C'mon, Gyps, let's go!
[leaves with Gypsy]
TOM Mike. First, you look in on the Mads during a private
moment. Then you refuse to answer their call. Then you send
that Noxema -- Nutrishus -- what was her name?
MIKE Nuveena.
TOM Right. You send Nuveena down to the Mads. Now you're going
to send two hyperintelligent fictional -- and VERY ANNOYING --
characters down to them? They'll yank your oxygen!
And who'll
take care of us poor, helpless 'bots? I can't take another sudden
separation! [sobs]
MIKE Well, my little fireplug friend, the Nelsons have a saying back
on Earth:
TOM [sniffling] I know, I know: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
MIKE No, actually it was, "Stuff happens." Or something close to it.
[Crow returns with the Banner Gram]
CROW Okay, Mike, Gypsy and I altered the circuitry -- once we found
the Banner Gram under a pile of unwashed jumpsuits. Yuk.
MIKE But will it work?
CROW More or less.
MIKE More or...? Heck with it, I can't take the chatter anymore
either.
[Motions to Laz-Lor.]
Um, ladies? Would you mind standing over there? Yes, right...
about...
[Laz and Lor move, still chattering. Mike messes with the keyboard]
And... Aha!
[Laz and Lor disappear.]
CROW Wow. What a day.
TOM My creation... gone astray. *sobs* I couldn't get the Creepy
Girl. Now I can't have Laz-Lor. Back to the salt mines.
[Tom leaves.]
CROW Don't worry, Mike, he's probably working on the video version of
the Characterizer. He might even... oh, God, no!... bring up...
*chokes* Torgo!
MIKE Who's this Torgo guy?
CROW Another day, Mike, we'll tell you all about the other guy.
MIKE Oh well. Whaddaya think, sirs?
[Cut to Deep 13. General panic: the room is filled with Laz-Lors, all
chattering away. Dr. F. is surrounded.]
FRANK Great, Nelson, thanks a lot. Thanks A STINKING LOT.
DR. F. *FRANK!?* HELP! AAaaaaaaggggghhhh!
[Laz-Lors start to move in on Frank.]
At least get the curcuitry right next time. This looks like the
end...
LAZs -- My, what wonderful hair you have --
LORs -- so curly and fine and it's just absolutely the --
LAZs -- most amazing thing I've ever seen! --
[Start touching his hair]
FRANK Isn't there... anyone on the air?
[Frank is closed in. He sinks to the ground.]
Isn't there... anyone?
[Nothing but L-L in view now.]
Urgh... at least he died a happy man!
[The keyboard is knocked over, thus causing the Button to be Pushed.]
*blip*
[During fadeout...]
L-L -- and what a beautiful spitcurl! --
[Frank screams!]
[Roll credits]
MST3K Original Concept by Joel Hodgson
SoL by General Dynamics: "We Do Toilet Seats Right!"
Lapus Lazuli and Lorelei Lee Long by Lazarus Long
Banner Gram by Banner Grams-R-Us
Credit Cards by Cardz! Inc.
John_-_Winston by John_-_Winston
****************************************************************************
DISCLAIMERS
Look. Anyone but a fool would construe this to be copyright infringe-
ment. Nevertheless, MST3K and all associated characters and situations
are trademarks of and copyrighted by Best Brains, Inc. In no
way should this innocent MiSTing be seen to be a claim to BBI's work. All
other trademarks used are the property of their owners and no right to them is
claimed. No one is a bigger fan of Heinlein than I am, but the
characters of Laz-Lor are probably somehow (c) by Virginia Heinlein, so
don't construe my using them to be infringement. Please! I don't know John_-_Winston,
nor do I want to, so my constant flaming and MiSTing of his drivel isn't
a personal attack or defamation of his actual person -- besides, there
would be no actual physical harm in my defaming him even if I was. Gee,
I'm starting to sound like Penn talking through the credits, aren't I?
******************************************************************************
Executive Writer: Michael 'See, no silly quote after my surname and before my
last name!' Sensor
Assistant Writers: Ho "Chi" Minh, Fi "Del" Castro, Dan "Iel" Ortega
>Signs
>were left on the continent of Siberia as you now call it. Artifacts from
>one of our automatic probes - You will find an upside down ' V ' with a dot
>right in the center to authenticate them.
AN ADEQUATE PINEAL GLANDS PRODUCTION
***
Whaddaya think, sirs?
Michael Sensor
Duquesne U. Law School, Pittsburgh, PA
David Hines
Possibly the greatest MiSTing I've seen - if not, it's gotta be in the
top five.
Great job. Encore!
David Hines
dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu
Rick Lippincott
in California, not General Dynamics. (The coffee maker was a Lockheed
job also.)