[MiSTied] The "Saturn Myth" and modern science II
Keith Williams
Enjoy.
--
"Maybe all I need / besides my pills / and surgery / is a new metaphor
for reality."
- Queensryche -- "Disconnected" -- Promised Land
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
[] Kurris (aka Keith Williams) will...@aix.wingra.com []
[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
[ <>...1...2...3...4...5...6... ]
> From dtal...@netcom.com Fri Oct 14 14:13:25 EDT 1994
SERVO: You know, I'm not sure that I can take any more of this.
MIKE: It's okay, buddy, I'm here.
> Article: 11647 of alt.paranormal
> Newsgroups: talk.religion.newage,alt.pagan,alt.alien.visitors,
> alt.astrology,alt.paranormal
> Path: news1.digex.net!lynx.unm.edu!tesuque.cs.sandia.gov!
> ferrari.mst6.lanl.gov!newshost.lanl.gov!ncar!csn!csus.edu!netcom.com!
> dtalbott
CROW: I'd like to run *this* guy over with a Ferrari.
> From: dtal...@netcom.com (Dave Talbott)
SERVO: Mister Dave "I'll Use All The Damned Internet Bandwidth That I Want"
Talbott.
> Subject: The "Saturn Myth" and modern science II
MIKE: The Wrath of Kahn.
> Message-ID: <dtalbottC...@netcom.com>
> Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)
CROW: You've heard of guests who overstay their welcome, right?
> Date: Mon, 10 Oct 1994 17:19:55 GMT
> Lines: 240
> Xref: news1.digex.net talk.religion.newage:17886 alt.pagan:64421
> alt.alien.visitors:41824 alt.astrology:27301 alt.paranormal:11647
>
>
>
> The following continues
CROW: The pain that this guy keeps inflicting on us!
MIKE: Not you too, Crow.
> a series of posts offering an introduction to
SERVO: Illegal narcotics.
> what has been called the "Saturn Thesis," using a question and answer
> format.
CROW: *I'll* ask the questions from now on, mister.
> Five successive posts will be included over the next five days.
>
> To economize on the logistical requirements, after the five initial posts
SERVO: Blah, blah, blah.
CROW: Yah-da, yah-da, yah-da. We've *seen* all this before.
MIKE: Hey, let him go, it makes him feel important.
> the introduction will be continued only on the group talk.origins. If
CROW: You care, press one now, otherwise hold for an operator.
> the ideas look interesting to you, we hope to see you on talk.origins--a
> site of some interesting discussion--within the next few days.
>
>
> YOU'RE SUGGESTING THAT EARLY MAN WITNESSED SPECTACULAR EVENTS IN THE
> SKY.
SERVO: Things that no human being was meant to see.
> BUT MANY SCHOLARS WOULD CLAIM THAT MYTH IS A HOPELESSLY ELUSIVE
> SOURCE FOR "PROVING" A CLAIM OF THIS SORT.
CROW: Which is why I had to kill them.
>
> Of course they would,
MIKE: That's why I'm better than they are.
> and the response should not surprise us. The most
> common objection to the "Saturn thesis" is that it
CROW: Was proposed by a moron.
> rests on the words of
> storytellers who understood nothing about the world in which they lived.
SERVO: Okay, so this guy just admitted that his whole thesis is based on the
ramblings of drugged-up hippies, right?
MIKE: Looks that way to me.
SERVO: That's what I thought. This is gonna be a looooong one.
>
> But we need to think through these automatic responses.
CROW: [as Yoda] You must un*learn* what you have learned.
> One reason the
> myths seem so absurd is that they
CROW: Were written by Jerry Lewis.
> speak for things that clearly do not
> exist--today.
SERVO: I think--I'll start talking--like this. I--like it.
> Our thinking is governed by an incredible amount of
CROW: Play-dough.
> inertia, and only the rarest of investigators has ever asked, "Do
MIKE: Fries come with that?
> we
> really know what ancient starworshippers saw in the sky? Can we really
SERVO: Expect *anyone* to fall for the pie gag again?
> be certain that our world today is a mirror of the natural world our
> ancestors experienced several thousand years ago?"
CROW: If it were, then we all must be anti-matter!
MIKE: Or *they* were anti-matter.
> The possibility that
> myth might reflect events no longer occurring simply does not enter the
> minds of modern scholars.
SERVO: You know, that never occurred to me. I think I'll...Hey!
>
> Now to say that we do not ask these questions
ALL: We do not ask these questions.
> is to say we are governed
> by inertia. And inertia is a very bad guide to discovery.
CROW: Yeah, inertia drives a cab in downtown New York, but doesn't even
speak English.
>
> Nothing is more crucial here than clarifying our thinking about myth.
MIKE: A nice, refreshing, myth-enema should fix that right up.
> We
> need to stop assuming in advance
SERVO: Assuming in retrospect is *so* much better.
> things that can't be known in advance.
> On this particular subject,
CROW: I know absolutely nothing.
> until one asks the unasked questions and
CROW: Steps behind the green door.
> looks at the evidence from a new vantage point, one is guided by little
> else than inertia.
>
> SKEPTICS MIGHT SAY THAT YOU CAN "PROVE ANYTHING YOU WANT BY RESORT TO MYTH."
SERVO: Return, once again, to the Resort by the Myth.
CROW: You'll be glad you did.
>
> Well,
MIKE: Uh, I never said...it's just that...Um, I...[voice cracking like that
of a boy just entering puberty] Next question, please.
> you certainly do hear that statement a lot,
CROW: Ha-hah. Yeah, you sure do, but you won't be getting a straight
answer out of me. No sir!
> and obviously it's not
> intended to mean what it literally says.
SERVO: No, it means what it figuratively says.
> The skeptic is saying that all
MIKE: [signing] I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
> sorts of strange and exotic ideas have been proposed on
CROW: Baywatch.
> the basis of
> myth, and not one of them is any more reasonable that any of the others.
SERVO: Hey, he's starting to make sense.
> He is saying you could argue for anything under the sun if all you have
> to do is select a few myths for support.
CROW: That's my point exactly.
> And he is saying there is no
> reason at all to believe such an argument, no matter what its conclusions.
MIKE: Finally! He must be admitting defeat.
>
> For myself, I would restate the entire issue.
ALL: NOOOOOO!!!!
> Because the modern age has
CROW: Completely ignored my repeated attempts to be noticed, it must die.
> not discerned the underlying message of myth, attempts to unravel
> particular myths consistently fail.
SERVO: Why? Because they don't have the Magic Myth Decoder Ring!!
> The answer to this failure is to
CROW: Go home and cry into your pillow.
> stop the selective use of myth altogether,
MIKE: You can't begin to heal, until you take that first step.
> to adopt investigative
> groundrules that exclude all selective use of myth.
CROW: Okay, so, he's saying now that, in order to understand myth, you
exclude it from your investigation?
MIKE: Right, that way we can investigate without really looking.
CROW: Oh, like the early starworshippers he keeps talking about?
MIKE: Exactly.
>
> In the new approach to myth I've proposed,
SERVO: I get to wear a funny hat.
> the inquiry rests from start
> to finish on well-established, recurring
CROW: NIGHTMARES!!
> themes of myth, themes that have
MIKE: Been used again and again on Melrose Place.
> survived thousands of years of cultural mixing and still shine through
> despite the inherent tendency toward localized distortion over time.
CROW: How do you localize a distortion over time?
SERVO: You add the sum of its parts.
MIKE: Then divide by the square root of boredom.
CROW: Oh, sorry I asked.
> Additionally, this approach will place the highest emphasis
MIKE: ...Blind faith...
> on the oldest
> sources, those originating closest in time to the experiences behind the
CROW: Why does he suddenly sound like a promo for "A Current Affair?"
> myths, where there is the least opportunity for distortion. It is in the
> oldest sources that you find the
SERVO: Strongest odors.
> most poignant and literal expressions of
> the universal themes, with minimal dilution of the celestial images involved.
CROW: [accusingly] He's talking about booze, isn't he?
>
> AND YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN "PROVE" YOUR CASE WITH MYTHICAL AND HISTORICAL
> EVIDENCE?
SERVO: [laughing] What a wacko! He thinks he can *prove* this nonsense.
CROW: Boy, is *he* deluded.
MIKE: Now, hold still Dave, the men in the white coats are your friends.
>
> The "proof"
SERVO: Is in the pudding.
> begins with certain well-established celestial forms repeated
CROW: Again, and again, until your brain explodes!
> in myths and pictographs and ritual reenactments around the world. Not
MIKE: That any of this matters.
> one of these primary forms, when placed under the microscope, will reveal
SERVO: Even a *grain* of relevance to my point, but "microscope" was my
word of the day, so I had to throw it in *somewhere*.
> any relationship to things experienced today. There are "sun"-wheels, to
CROW: And hot-wheels, BUT WHAT'S YOUR POINT?!!?
> be sure, but on examination they have nothing in common with the body we
MIKE: Fantasize about while showering.
CROW: Hey! That's *my* territory, mister, back off!
MIKE: Geez, sorry. What a grouch.
> call sun. We find images of "stars" in great abundance, but they do not
SERVO: Provide the allure of a Garbo, or an Astaire.
> behave like any stars in our sky. One finds as well a distinctive
CROW: Smell coming from this post.
> crescent-form, recorded by all ancient cultures, but why does it never
MIKE: Appear in a picture with Clark Kent? That's the *real* mystery.
> correspond properly with the crescent moon?
CROW: We're talking out-houses here, right?
SERVO: I don't know, he lost me an hour ago.
>
> The researcher's first impression will be of confusion--
SERVO: What in the heck-ramsey is goin' on here?
> one
> astronomically absurd image after another.
CROW: It's a whole boat-load of absurdity under one roof!!
> A star in the center of the
> "sun."
SERVO: Now that's just plain ridiculous.
> A crescent holding in its hollow a central star.
MIKE: A doughboy, fresh from the oven.
> A crescent on
> the great sphere of the "sun." A "sun" standing motionless at the center
CROW: Of a circle of children, all singing "Ring around the rosy."
> of heaven. A "sun" occupying the summit of the world axis. A celestial
MIKE: A "nut" in a straight jacket.
CROW: A "babbling" "idiot" on "parade."
> column rising along the polar axis to support a great crescent "moon." A
> star with a spiraling tail. A star carrying inside itself an unexplained
ALL: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!
> dark or reddish sphere. The theoretical problem is
SERVO: Just how much of this can anyone take?
> that, from one
> ancient nation to another, there is far more consistency to these
> "astronomical absurdities" than is rationally conceivable within
> traditional theoretical frameworks.
CROW: Maybe within *your* theoretical frameworks, mister, but not mine!!
>
> Here's the dilemma in a nutshell:
SERVO: If you're on a train that leaves the station at 9:00 am, travelling
west at sixty miles per hour. And your luggage is on a plane that
leaves the airport at 8:45 am, traveling north at 150 mph; who will
win the super bowl?
> random, irrational ideas could never
> produce global, coherent patterns at any level of detail;
MIKE: Without first passing through the Goof-o-Meter!!
> but there are
> demonstrable global patterns,
CROW: Of moisture sweeping in from the east, which, at high altitudes,
will crystallize and become what we call snow.
> and in greater detail than any comparative
> mythologist has previously recognized; therefore, the images cannot be
SERVO: Counted, since you didn't say "mother may I."
> entirely random.
>
> In truth, the dilemma has no answer until one finds a new vantage point
CROW: Try dangling from the end of a noose, that should help.
> for interpreting the coherent substratum of myth.
MIKE: What's the substratum of myth?
CROW: Uh, toe-jam?
MIKE & SERVO: Eeewgh!!
> But finding that
> vantage point will require us to stop projecting our own sky onto that of
> prehistoric man.
SERVO: You're projecting again. It's time to take responsibility for your
own actions. Oops, our hour is up.
> The good news is that nothing else is necessary in
> order to open the door to discovery.
CROW: That's right, all you need is right here in this "Do It Yourself
Discovery Kit." Just add water and watch it grow!
SERVO: Let's blow this popcicle stand!
[ ...6...5...4...3...2...1...<> ]
[ Crow and Tom are leaning against Mike, panting. For his own part, Mike is
leaning on his elbows on the console. He's breathing deeply. ]
SERVO: I just can't *take* it anymore!
CROW: Don't [pant] make me go back in there, Mike. Pleease!!
MIKE: It's really getting bad, eh?
SERVO: It's like a clear mountain spring [standing on his own]. Only
there's a chemical plant just upstream.
CROW: No, it's like a heat blister on the inside of your thigh that is
just about to pop!
MIKE: Geez, Crow, that's disgusting.
[ Commercial Sign lights begin to flash ]
MIKE: Let's take a moment to reflect on *that* image, shall we?
< Commercials >
[ Mike has Tom in a headlock with one arm, while holding Crow's mouth closed
with his other hand. ]
MIKE: Okay, okay, I've had enough stunning imagery about how bad this post
is. Do you two promise to cut it out?
[ The 'bots nod, as best they can. ]
MIKE: Okay, then, I'll let you go.
[ Mike releases them. ]
CROW: A full-on-the-lips tongue kiss from a cow!!
SERVO: A gangrenous finger sandwich!!
[ Lights flash, Cambot trembles, sirens roar ]
ALL: WE'VE GOT POSTING SIGN!!
[ <>...1...2...3...4...5...6... ]
MIKE: Don't think I'm going to forget those last shots, you guys.
CROW: I know *I* won't be able to sleep for a week.
SERVO: Me either.
>
> PERHAPS THE "PATTERNS" YOU REFER TO SIMPLY SPREAD FROM ONE CULTURE TO
> ANOTHER BY MIGRATION.
SERVO: Watch with us as we follow sanity as it migrates south for the
winter.
>
> Yes, up to a certain point one could argue that common themes simply
CROW: Were written by the same composer.
> migrated from a central, very ancient source.
MIKE: The river Styx.
SERVO: Now *that's* the grand illusion.
> But I doubt that anyone
CROW: With half a brain would believe a word I've said.
> would be so daring as to explain myth as a whole in this way.
MIKE: As a "hole," yes, but as a "whole," I think not.
> And that
> is our subject--
CROW: How to become rich without investing a dime!!
> all of the well-established, repeated themes of world
> mythology. Also, I would have no argument
CROW: With you pulling out a gun and shooting me right now.
> on behalf of the "polar
> configuration" were it not that all of the acknowledged themes,
SERVO: Had already been taken, which is why I had to come up with this
cock-a-maimy scheme in the first place.
> or
> archetypes, are interconnected.
MIKE: My archetypes support my wall- and ceiling-types.
> Now the word "interconnected" stands
CROW: For something that you couldn't *possibly* understand.
> opposite the idea of "random" patterns. If there are no objective
SERVO: Oh, I think we can come up with *plenty* of objections, thank you.
> references to the myths, imagination is the only explanation we have,
MIKE: It's the key, after all.
> despite the fact that, as an explanation of the subject, pure imagination
> fails every logical test.
SERVO: But it did so *well* on the SAT's. Go figure.
>
> NEVERTHELESS, YOUR DEPENDENCE ON MYTHICAL IMAGES WILL SURELY INSPIRE
> SKEPTICISM.
CROW: And contempt, don't forget contempt.
MIKE: Dave is *the* charter member of M.A.
SERVO: I'm almost afraid to ask...
MIKE: Mythaholics Anonymous.
SERVO: [sigh]
>
> Of course!
CROW: That's why I'm doing this!! I just *love* skepticism!!
> On the face of it,
MIKE: Are a bunch of unsightly pimples.
CROW: Oxecute 'em!
> myth is the most incoherent, confused and
> least credible source of information in the world!
SERVO: Much like myself. Which is why I took to it immediately.
>
> In common perception myth has,
SERVO: Two sisters, let's bring them out to meet their fans.
> for centuries, meant fiction. And myth,
> in one obvious sense, *is* fiction.
CROW: Which puts our good friend Dave in denial of the fact that his entire
thesis is fiction, doesn't it?
MIKE: It sure does.
> It is make believe.
ALL: BOO!!!
> But here again,
> clarity is vital.
SERVO: Which is why we will be avoiding it at all costs.
> It should be obvious we're not
CROW: In possession of all of our faculties.
> suggesting that things
> occurred in the manner implied by mythical language itself.
SERVO: Crow, how do you translate a mythical language?
CROW: I don't know, how *do* you translate a mythical language?
SERVO: By implicating it in a scandal.
CROW: Oh. Hah-ha...Hey! Wait a second, that wasn't funny!
SERVO: My point exactly.
> We don't
> need to be told that fiery serpents and dragons,
MIKE: Are crawling around in my underwear right now.
> or heaven-sustaining
> giants, or ships in the sky, or witches on brooms do not exist in the
CROW: First episode of Knight Rider.
> sense understood by the myth-makers. The question we're asking is:
SERVO: Why can't I get a date for the prom?
> What
> are the celestial references, and where did the myths come from? In what
> human experiences did the most powerful themes of myth originate?
CROW: I'm guessing sexual ecstacy. Any comments, Mike.
MIKE: Uh, I'll take the fifth on that one.
>
> Nothing is more obvious than
SERVO: The fact that I'm buzzin' *good* right now! Whoa!!
> the myth-maker's relentless tendency to
CROW: Stuff rolled up socks in their pants.
> interpret events: monstrous creatures in the sky, celestial cities and
> kingdoms, sky pillars, rivers or fountains of life, celestial kings,
MIKE: Chi-a-pets.
> heroes, and shamans, mother goddesses and divine princesses, heaven-
SERVO: Help us! His throttle's stuck on full!!
> embracing trees, crescent-horned bulls and crescent-ships, demons of
> chaos--
MIKE: Hi, Elric, how've you been?
> there is no limit to the role of human imagination,
CROW: Although the market *is* becoming a bit oversaturated.
> whatever may
> have inspired these ideas. Ultimately, there is only one question here:
ALL: WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS END?!!?
> did these imaginative forms arise from *nothing* in nature, or did they
> arise from
MIKE: A drug induced haze?
> a natural environment more dramatic and terrifying than
> anything known in modern times?
SERVO: Find out next week. Same bat-time, same bat-channel!
>
> Since there's virtually no limit to
CROW: The amount of crap I'm willing to babble on and on about.
> the field of evidence, there are
> logical groundrules for determining if the references are alien to our
SERVO: Again with the groundrules. Has he even mentioned any yet?
MIKE: I think he'll cover that in the first supplementary appendix, volumes
one through ten.
> sky. Why not apply these reasonable groundrules and see where they lead?
CROW: Right to the big house, that's where they lead, mister.
>
> OKAY, WHAT DO YOU REGARD AS EFFECTIVE "GROUNDRULES" FOR A STUDY SUCH AS THIS?
MIKE: Well, first, you have to assemble all the things you'll be needing.
This includes a 12'' skillet, two quart pot, measuring cups, a
stirring spoon and a copy of my book "Cooking with Myths and Butter."
>
> The key is to identify the underlying patterns. Once you realize that
SERVO: You're not dealing with a sane person, tolerance comes more easily.
MIKE: You know, you're right.
CROW: I hadn't thought of that.
> there are unrecognized levels of integrity to myth--a fact
> incomprehensible within prevailing theoretical frameworks--you'll
> naturally want to know:
CROW: Just what the heck *was* I smoking when I wrote this. Well, the
funny thing is...I CAN'T REMEMBER!!! Isn't that a hoot?!!?
> just how coherent are these patterns?
SERVO: About as coherent as I am, only less so.
> Asking
> that question again and again is the way we will free ourselves from the
> tyranny of inertia on these subjects.
CROW: Oh, I see, he's suggesting that ritualistic chanting is the key to
the stupor that he's made his home.
MIKE: Good call, Crow. No more chanting from now on.
>
> In truth,
CROW: I like to fantasize about cars while watching the Playboy channel.
> not just the more monstrous personalities, but all of the
> objects and events of myth present the same
SERVO: Lack of consideration for their fellow man.
> apparent confirmation of the
> myth-maker's irrationality.
CROW: The more irrational it is, the more this guy likes it.
> But the first step toward understanding the
> myth-making epoch is to distinguish between
MIKE: Right and wrong.
> the unusual and the
> imaginative. The events are unusual, while the interpretations are
> imaginative.
SERVO: The post is unreadable.
CROW: But he finds the colours of sound imaginative.
> I'm not asking you to agree that
CROW: I'm a raving lunatic.
SERVO: Oh, we agree.
MIKE: Trust me, we agree.
> a shining temple or city
> of living "gods" once stood in the center of the sky. Or believe that a
MIKE: A bunch of women, sitting around talking, made enough money to live
off of.
> great hero of flesh and blood once arose to rid the world of the
> chaos-monsters.
CROW: Are *you* a chaos-monster.
SERVO: [as chaos-monster] Uh, no, I'm not.
CROW: Okay, then, you can go.
> Or that this very same hero once consorted with the
MIKE: The devil in the pale moonlight.
SERVO: Misquote, Mike.
MIKE: I know, but it felt good.
> mother goddess. I will ask you, however, to consider whether these
CROW: Things have anything to do with Am-Way.
> unexplained and global themes may have roots in uncommon natural events.
> In our skepticism about such global themes we forgot the elementary
SERVO: School where people called me names, and pulled my underwear up over
my head.
> distinction between event and interpretation, then tossed out the entire
> body of evidence.
CROW: Yeah, I found it floating in the river.
>
> A new approach will simply let the dominant patterns of myth speak for
> themselves,
SERVO: Instead of dancing for Mr. PuppetMaster here? I don't think so.
> and will then construct a model that can explain them in a
> unified way.
MIKE: The Visible Myth, available at Ben Franklin's everywhere.
>
> WHAT, THEN, IS THE HEART OF YOUR ARGUMENT?
CROW: Uh, well, I'm embarrassed to say this, but, in all the confusion,
I forgot.
>
> For several years now I've been
SERVO: Taking dangerous doses of prescription drugs.
> asking those with an interest in the
> subject to find a global mythical theme explicable by reference to known
> natural phenomena.
MIKE: In other words, I let my lackey's do my research for me.
CROW: Which explains its utter lack of coherency.
> It has not happened, and I do not believe that it
> will happen.
SERVO: You can't make me believe!! You just can't, I tell you!! Nah-nah-
nah. I can't *hear* you!!!
> Despite the appearance at the superficial level (where the
CROW: Bullet meets the bone.
> translators of various texts assume a reference to the sun or moon, or
> some other readily accessible phenomenon),
MIKE: Like flatulence, which is *my* personal favourite.
> there is no theme of myth
> answering,
CROW: Can you blame myth for screening its calls with a guy like *this*
on the loose?
> in its earliest expressions, to the world we know. And my
> plan is to
SERVO: Rule the world from my basement!
> continue reiterating this point until someone refutes the
> argument as I've published it.
CROW: He just goes on, and on, and on.
SERVO: We refute already, we refute!!
>
> Now if this assessment is correct,
MIKE: Which it isn't, but we can pretend, can't we?
> we're left with only two options
> theoretically.
SERVO: Which means there are probably more, only I was too lazy to think
of them.
> Either we must imagine that the ancients populated their
> mythical world with
CROW: Barnyard fowl.
> forms and events never seen or heard, denying natural
> experience at every turn
SERVO: Slowly I turned.
CROW: Denial written plainly on my face.
> (something no theorist has ever claimed); or we
> must assume that the world
MIKE: And I just don't get along.
> formerly presented to the mythmakers a range
> of sights and sounds unlike anything known in modern times.
CROW: I'm telling you, one hit of LSD and you'll experience more unusual
sights and sounds than you can handle.
MIKE: Look at who you're telling this to.
CROW: Oh, right, preaching to the converted again, wasn't I?
MIKE: [nods]
>
> There's a way to resolve the question,
SERVO: But I'm not going to tell you what it is! Hah-hah, smarty-pants!!
> in terms that should be acceptable
> to reasonable investigators.
CROW: Larry, Curly and Moe.
> What I've urged is an analytical approach
MIKE: To my drug-induced haze.
> concentrating on the universal themes of myth, because these will enable
> the researcher to look past the countless
SERVO: Flaws in my reasoning. If you can call it that.
> local elaborations and
> fragmented episodes of later eras,
CROW: Yeah, just what happened to those later episodes of "Three's
Company?" They just didn't live up to what you came to expect after
the first couple seasons.
MIKE: Uh...
SERVO: Don't go there, Mike. Trust me on this one. *Don't* go there.
> and to keep the focus on the
> substratum.
SERVO: But not for too long, or you'll ruin your eyes.
> Nothing will boost the researcher's confidence more than
MIKE: A smile from an attractive co-worker.
> discovering that the roots of myth are not only identifiable, but
CROW: Whoa! Hey, myth, your roots are showin'. Time to head back to the
salon.
> coherent, arising from a unified taproot.
MIKE: What's a "unified taproot?"
CROW: Forget "unified," what the heck's a "taproot."
SERVO: It's what a dentist does right before asking "Does this hurt?"
>
> Consider, for example, the overarching idea repeated in myths the world
> over--
CROW: The popularity of the Brady Bunch.
> the collective memory of a former "age of the gods." It began with
SERVO: A storm on a cold November night. I was workin' late, you see, when
this dame walks into my office...
> a period frequently termed the "Golden Age," but was punctuated by a
MIKE: Question mark, which changed the inflection entirely.
> collapse of the original order, sweeping catastrophe, wars of the gods,
> and eventually a departure of these visible powers.
SERVO: Coinciding with the birth of actual investigation, I believe.
> Yes, there are a
CROW: Lot of strange things hiding in my nose, but never mind that now.
> hundred variations on the theme, and countless contradictions in the
> localized versions, but at root we have the idea that
SERVO: Small productions with many devoted fans *can* live on in syndication.
> the great gods were
> overwhelmed in a deadly catastrophe, wandered off,
MIKE: Uh, don't mind me, I'm just wandering.
CROW: Wandering when this post will end!!
> or flew away to become
> distant stars.
SERVO: In the Catskills.
>
> We've never really reckoned
CROW: That pa would get mad at us for wreckin' his pickup.
> with this collective memory--that there was
> once an age the gods, when man himself lived close to these mysterious
> personalities.
SERVO: [as a god] Uugh! Look what just moved in! There goes the
neighbourhood!!
> The general theme is both universal and remarkably
> persistent.
MIKE: Not unlike a rash, actually.
> From the dawn of history onward, that theme never gave way
> to a contrary idea--that is, until men stopped *believing* in the gods.
CROW: Stop believing and they won't come.
>
> The recurring themes of myth offer a crucial analytical tool.
SERVO: Known as the hammer. Watch as I demonstrate on my own head...
> The
> methodology works to expose the underpinnings
MIKE: Whoa there fella!! Who said you could go around exposing your
underpinnings?
> of a collective memory by
> concentrating on the themes that have survived for thousands of years, in
> all major cultures. In this way,
CROW: We can find out who stole the last Eggo.
> the investigative approach itself
> prevents you from slipping into
SERVO: Something a little more comfortable.
> subjective interpretations, or dwelling
> on aspects of myth that are clearly
MIKE: Intended for my eyes alone.
> evolutionary and localized. It also
> enables you to avoid becoming distracted by
CROW: HEY!!! Look there!! No! *There*!! See it?!!?
MIKE: Oh, Crow, stop trying to distract the people.
> the rampant later confusion
> of sacred symbols with the original powers symbolized, a phenomenon on
> which I will have more to say later.
SERVO: Oh please, oh great dispenser of knowledge, say more on this later.
CROW: I can hardly wait. Can I die now?
MIKE: Not quite yet.
>
> -----------------------------------
SERVO: I wonder if that represents one of the author's celestial images.
MIKE: Don't get him started again.
>
> Some of the ideas discussed above,
CROW: Pertain to deviant sexual behavior. Please ignore them if this type
of frank discussion offends you.
SERVO: A little late for that, I would say.
> along with independent research
> results of others, will be the subject of an international symposium,
MIKE: "How To Perform Brain Surgery On Yourself With No Money Down."
> "Velikovsky, Ancient Myth and Modern Science," to be held in Portland,
> Oregon, November 25-27.
>
> For infomation contact e...@pi.eai.com
>
> Copyright 1994, David Talbott
[ ...6...5...4...3...2...1...<> ]
SERVO: You know, some of the things this guy says really make sense.
[ Mike and Crow double take on Tom ]
CROW: You're kidding, right?
SERVO: Well, yeah, I was just trying to see if anyone would fall for it.
MIKE: Good try. What do *you* think, sirs?
[ Deep 13 ]
FRANK: I'm a creature of myth, you know.
DR. F: Oh, really, Frank? Why don't you tell us about it.
FRANK: Really? All right, it all started...
[ Dr. F hauls a huge mallet from behind his back and pile drives Frank into
the floor. A puff of dust and other debris rise from the spot where Frank
had been standing. ]
DR. F: Fascinating, Frank. Thanks for sharing.
\ | /
\|/
-- * --
/|\
/ | \
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
> The possibility that
> myth might reflect events no longer occurring simply does not enter the
> minds of modern scholars.
Donatello
Williams) wrote:
<Great MiSTing deleted>
Terrific! Better than some MiSTing attempts I've seen here (which I'd
never be stupid enough to name in public flame territory)...Made great use
of the text format (i.e. being able to finish sentences w/o missing
opportunities further on) too. Are you doing all five initial posts?
What about followups? Hoping your brain doesn't melt (and that you don't
start believing it),
--- Donny
Keith Williams
Thanks for the kind words and encouragment. Yes, I will be doing all five parts of this "great" work. Parts IV, I and II have been posted so far, in order of my doing them. Parts III and V I'm holding onto while I pursue other worthy targets...Like the Quantum Leap/Dr. Who crossover, and the Quantum Leap/Get Smart crossover. Lots of material in *these*!!
As to follow-ups, if I see any (haven't yet), I'll be sure to lance them.
Hmm, that reminds me, I've got "John Birch Explained" sitting in the wings. Might as well post it today...
-K (who's brain is *definately* in danger of melting)