-- MSTIED: spam shorts (2/3) --

[Rufus T. Firefly]

> Are you a guy between the ages of 18-23 who is
> HOT, TICKLISH, and IN NEED OF SOME U.S. CASH?

Servo: Hey... do the candy machines on the SOL take US cash?
Mike: I wouldn't know
Crow: Bite me, mister skinny and self-righteous.

> Or, perhaps, even a new NEC Ready PC with a Pentium Pro

Crow: What about an NEC "still thinking about it" PC?
Servo: I really hate these "PC" times we live in

> processor? If so, read on... I'm very serious about what you'll
> find.
Mike: Gold?

>
> UPDATE: Right now, I have 3 NEC Ready 9716 PCs available,
> featuring:

Crow: ...lots and lots of boring techno-talk such as:

> 56 kbs US Robotics X2 modem

Servo: Got that

> 4+ gig hard drive

Servo: Uh-huh

> 32 mb RAM

Servo: Yep

> Video Card/2 mb video memory

Mike: Who needs a VCR when you can re-live home movies in the comfort of
your very own mind?

> Built-in Zip Drive

Crow: No thanks, have one already...
Mike: CROW...

> 24 speed CD Rom

Servo: Got it

>
> Other PC systems are also available.

Mike: Do you have any that are more, say, Archie Bunkeresque?

>
> My name is Terri. I am a female college student in the Boston area.

Crow: I sympathize with her already

> As a hobby...one that costs me ALOT of money...I maintain a
Servo: Collection of vintage Joe Namath netted slingshot brief
prototypes?
Mike: Get over it, buddy...

> personal collection of amateur videos featuring guys being

Crow: Tied up and brutally slaughtered at the stake.

> tickled (usually for 30 or 60 minutes) by a girlfriend, good girl

Mike: There's no need to treat your girlfriend like a dog

> friend, girl friends, or even guy friends. I am not a business,

Crow: I just play one on TV

> video trader, or porn solicitor. My interest is in TICKLING.

Servo: ...Great White Sharks with NOO protective gear on!

>
> I am actively looking for guys to make videos that I can add to
> my collection. Guys that interest me are YOUNG (basically,

Crow: I'm a sick pedophile with no heart.

> my age...18-23), HOT (swimmer/soccer/runnerbuilt....on the
> thin side

Mike: ...Of the moon

> ...not too "big-n-buff"....with little or no bodyfat
> whatsoever), and

Servo: ...Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound

> TICKLISH! No sex or nudity are wanted

Crow: ...But if you insist, i might be able to work it in
Mike: Crow...

> in MY videos.

Servo: Oh, sure, the guys don't even get to keep a copy.

> I just want to see guys tied up and mercilessly,
> relentlessly

Crow: ...Given fifty lashes with a wet noodle.

> TICKLED.

Crow: Well, I was close.

>
> If you are interested in this UNIQUE (and hopefully FUN) way of

Crow: ...Embarassing yourself on a large scale
Mike: Well, I don't know about "fun"...

> making $$$$, please e-mail me. I need you to provide me with

Servo: ...Five hundred dollars, a major American credit card, a new car,
alimony, child support...

> a general picture (.gifs, .jpgs, .bmps, and pictures found on
> webpage URLS are fine...and I have a mailing address to "snailmail"
> regular photos, also) before I can make you a concrete cash offer.

Mike: I don't care too much for concrete cash... Do you have anything
less heavy?

>
> Average fees paid:
> $125 for a 30 minute video
> $250 for a 60 minute video

Servo: 350
Crow: 450
Servo: [doing Chico Marx impersonation] 550, 650, 750, I gotta plenty
more numbers.

>
> PCs are available for multiple video deals and to groups of

Mike: ...Faded music stars from the eighties?

> guys (frats, teams, etc) that make videos.
>
> Money offered is determined by your looks, ticklishness, and who
> will be tickling you.

Crow: Added bonus if the person who is tickling you is a escaped
sex-criminal

>
> Asian, Black and Hispanic guys are ESPECIALLY welcomed and wanted!!!

Crow: Ahh, an equal-oppertunity tickler?

>
> I have numerous online references that are available for contact to
> assure you of my honesty, legitimacy, and SERIOUSNESS about all of
> this.

Crow: Damn, and I thought she was kidding. This is one MESSED up girl,
Mike.
Mike: It's not for you to judge what is...
Crow: [cutting him off] Ahh, bite me

>
> PLEASE NOTE: This is not a TICKLING SERVICES AVAILABLE
> POSTING. I have a boyfriend, full cadre of friends, and plenty of

Mike: Hanson cds?
Crow: Face life operations?
Servo: Tampons?
Crow: Silicon...
Mike: [cutting him off] Now guys...
Crow and Servo together: Bite me, Mike.

> guys to tickle already. I AM NOT LOOKING TO MEET OR TICKLE ANY
> GUYS ENCOUNTERED FROM CYBERSPACE!!!!

Servo: THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS IDIOTIC AD!?
Mike: Don't ask me.

> I also do not provide
> videotaping equipment, facilities, or girls to tickle you.

Crow: Oh, SURE, it's bring-your-own-girl. Figured.

> All
> aspects of video production are your responsibility!!!!!

Servo: Writing, directing, producing, key grips, casting, payments, it's
ALL up to you!

>
> Think about it!!! E-mail me if interested: PhishT...@hotmail.com

Crow: There's one e-mail address I hope to never see again.

[Commercial]

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